When You Want to Let Go, But Just Can't Let Go

Something I hear women say so much is, "I just

need closure from him. We just need to have one more

conversation so I can have some closure. Your closure doesn't

come from outside of you ever, never. No person like that's

actually a trap of your saboteur. Your saboteur is like,

actually, I'm going to go. It's a manipulative trap to convince

you that's the thing you need to feel relief. But then you get

that thing, and what it actually does is typically keep us more

hooked in, right? Or it reactivates something, whether

it's an anger, it's a resentment, or it reactivates a

fantasy story that you should be together, or this isn't how it

should be. So let yourself feel the feeling fully without

feeding the story. You can start at the story level if it needs

to be expressed, but get underneath it because this like

young part of you is the one that's attached.

Hello, my loves, Calimera, Calispera, Calinita. I guess you

could be listening to this at any time of day. I just want to

speak some Greek. I miss speaking Greek, actually. I I'm

very, as you know, content, very satiated, and happy living in

Kenya, and I love speaking Swahili also, but I miss

speaking Greek. I love speaking Greek, so kalimera that means

good morning. It has such a lovely feeling to it, and

everyone says it to each other in the mornings. Actually, that

reminds me. I forgot. I was walking to yoga this morning.

It's a 20-minute walk from my house down these beautiful

country roads that are like lined with the most amazing old

giant trees. Picture this: giant green trees of all different

kinds, and then jacaranda trees everywhere. Those purple ones

that I don't know where jacaranda trees are native to,

but they're so they have them in Australia as well. They're so

beautiful, and then they have a lot of bushes here that have

pink and purple flowers on them. So I was just in bliss walking

to yoga this morning. It's such a beautiful walk, and I I

decided to call myself the Good Morning Fairy, and I said good

morning to every single person I passed, and only two people

didn't say good morning back. North in North America, like

when I do that in Vancouver, nobody even makes eye contact.

Like one time, I I did it in 4045 minutes into my walk. One

lady looked back, and then I said good morning once she

looked at me, and then she was like, "Oh my god, good morning!

She was so happy and like flabbergasted that I said good

morning. So I encourage you to go be the good morning fairy

because it feels so nice. Like, why don't we talk to each other?

That was really sweet. So, anyways, I was just warming up

for this podcast as per usual, and doing my singing, and I was

singing the song "The Rose, which is one of my favorite

vocal warm-up songs. I've known the song "The Rose" by Bette

Midler since I was in elementary school. We used to sing it in a

choir I sang in, and it is such a beautiful song. It's so

potent. I always have paid attention to the second, or I

guess the second part of the first verse. I think it's, I

think that's what it would be classified as, the line where

she says, "It's the heart afraid of breaking that never gets to

dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never gets a chance,

and that the the soul afraid of dying that never gets to live"

is the final line of that verse very powerful, but I've never

paid attention to the meaning of the first part of the first

verse. For some reason, I heard it today for the first time, and

I sing this song all the time, like since grade five. But I

sing it all the time because it's one of my favorite songs to

warm up my voice too. And she basically the first the opening

of the song is all about like fantasy love, and the the final

line is it's a hunger, an endless aching need. Like this

is how most people do love a hunger, an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed. So, isn't

that interesting? I have goosebumps.

Like MJ, Man in the Mirror, Whitney Houston, The Greatest

Love of All, Bette Midler, The Rose. There, there is some

profound wisdom in a lot of music. It's really interesting.

Like some music is just like fantasy love. You broke my

heart. I want you back. Like you know, I'm gonna love you

forever. Whatever. Like a lot of them are so rooted in fantasy,

but every once in a while, especially music from back in

the '80s, '90s, '70s. Like if you go back in time, '60s. I

think this was maybe done in the '70s. The rose. I'm not sure

though. But if you go back in time, like there is depth and

wisdom. I'm sure there is now too. I mean, Justin Bieber drops

little wisdom here and there. I love him. Is it too late now to

say sorry? Okay, so the beeps. He's Canadian. Gotta love him.

But yes, isn't that interesting, right? Like, not all music is

fantasy. I'm searching for the man in the mirror. I'm asking

him to change his ways. No message could have been any

clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, you got to

look at yourself and make a change. So the the the

information and the guidance for us is everywhere. It's been

there for a really long time since the beginning of time. So

I thought that was really cool. So love you. You are the flower,

and you're its only seed. That is profound, actually, because

the love that we seek and that we ache for and that we long for

is inside of us. And I'll tell it to you over and over and over

again, my loves. And I know every episode I basically say

the same thing in a different way because sometimes I say it

in the same way because you are up against the indoctrination

that is so loud that you that love is outside of you and you

need to get approval and you need to prove yourself, and you

need to have a perfect life, and you need to look perfect and be

perfect and act perfect, and then you'll then you'll belong

one day, then you'll fit in, then you'll matter, then you'll

be good enough. So that's why we have to come back to these

places like the New Truth to remember who we are. That's all

we're doing here. We're hanging out. We're you're hearing about

my random days and my random travel stories. Where in the

world is Kate Arlo? And you, you are here just to remember,

right? I'm not sharing anything new with you. You, it might me,

it might be new to you. You might be like, "Oh wow, I've

never heard this before, Kate. Wow, this is amazing! Like you

might have been completely brand new to your awakening, and yet

still you already know this to be true. That that's what soul

resonance is. That's why something feels aligned in our

body, because our soul knows we all came from the same place.

Maybe I said this like two episodes ago, or maybe it was

last episode. I don't know, but I think you needed to hear it

again because it's so true. So I think the rose song, "How

Perfect, it's a hunger and endless aching need. I say love.

It is a flower, and you its only seed. That line, like those two

lines, most people do love filling that aching need with

somebody, right? Trying to fill that pain, that little girl

that's like, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not

worthy, I hate myself. Why? Because the world pulled her so

far away from the magic of who she is, and then that little

girl or little boy is walking around looking for love, looking

for something to stuff that hole with, to fill that bottomless

pit with, and that's why love is insatiable. Like you, you never

really fully get it. You might have an amazing honeymoon phase,

but then wherever you go, there you are. That pain resurfaces.

That pain pokes its head, and that little girl is like, "Okay,

you know, I don't know if this person really loves us. We got

to get a bigger commitment here. This isn't going to be enough.

We need more.

Number one complaint to men is nothing I do is ever enough

because I'm just trying so hard to make her happy. Number one

complaint of women is it's never enough, never, never. I know I'm

saying that. Okay, I've obviously gone on this rant

recently because I already sang that song like three weeks ago.

But doesn't matter. Here we are. It's a new moment. Today is a

new day. Every day is a every day is a new day. Every day is a

new experience. Every day is a new moment. But what do we do?

We paint the past all over to this moment. We paint our fears

of the future all over this moment, and then we miss this

moment too. So when your small self is dating when your small

self is relating and getting into relationships. When your

small self is getting married. When your small self is having

kids, right? I say small self. Okay, we have two aspects of

self. If you're brand new here, we got the wounded little girl

and her sidekick, who's her saboteur. This is your

conditioned self, who you learned to be when you were

growing up, when you went through all of those moments of

life telling you you couldn't be who you are, and it wasn't okay

to be fully expressed and vulnerable and alive and free

and happy, so you got taught to be serious and to to sit in a

chair and be quiet all day long and to speak when spoken to and

to you know, like we were constantly controlled and shaped

and morphed, and that's why we developed our conditioned self.

Then we become adults, and that part's still leading. So it's

really just a little kid, right? You sit at the lawyer's office,

you're sitting in front of a kid in a suit pretending to be a

lawyer. Like that's how most of us are living. If someone hasn't

done deep. Soul inquiry, and they've learned how to live from

the the the the roots and the truth and the depth and the

breadth and the and the infiniteness of who we are,

which is the soul, the sovereignty, the wholeness. Your

heroine, people who haven't done this, not just on this path.

There's many many paths. All roads lead to Rome. There's many

paths to get here and to embody this, but most people haven't

done that depth of self inquiry and of awakening, and so we're

either operating from the small self or who you truly are, and

who you truly are is the rose, the seeds, and we're planting

seeds here in your rose garden. But you are the rose. Nobody,

nobody has the love that you're looking for. So, coming back to

the the topic of the day, when you want to move on, but you

just can't move on. When you're trying to let go, but no matter

how hard you try, it doesn't happen, and you're trying to

date other people, maybe, or you're just trying to shift your

focus. And you keep thinking about your ex, you keep thinking

about your past relationship, you keep playing the tape over

and over and over again. Some of you, the tape is a horror story

that you're playing over and over again. It's like, oh my

god, you know, why did he break my heart? He's horrible person,

but we should be together. But maybe shoot that woman's better

than me, and what's wrong with me? And da da da. And some of

you are playing the fantasy tape. That's like we should be

together still. I didn't realize how perfect he was. He was my

amazing match. Like, what am I doing, right? Like you got

something going on. There's some, and and some people are

just still hooked in. They just can't let go and can't move on.

And so let's talk about that first. Even this word "move on,

it's like trying to push yourself off of a cliff. You're

you're you're like trying to force yourself. I had a

situation where I was super attached to something, and I was

having such a hard time letting go of attachment. And I was like

crying, and I was I was like, why am I so attached? And I

don't want to be attached. And I just need to let go.

And I kept swinging from being super attached to letting go,

being super attached to letting go, and then the song came on. I

was like in the pain of it, trying to force myself to let

go. And you know the song "Let It Be" by the Beatles. That song

came on when I find myself in times of trouble. Mother Mary

comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Let it be. Let it be,

not let it go, let it be. Now there's a different frequency to

that, and I'm only letting it be if I'm actually taking

responsibility and coming back to the present moment because

let it be exists here and now. There's a a letting it go on one

side of the pendulum, there's a attachment being attached to the

thing. Trying to let it go is on one side. Being attached to the

thing is on the other side of that pendulum. Okay, letting it

be is in the middle. That is holding your palm open, allowing

yourself to feel what you feel, and taking responsibility for

where your attention is, because letting it be is being able to

live from the frequency. May we be able to let everything be,

because when we can live from that frequency, there is a

trusting of what is unfolding. There's a trusting of life. It's

such a wise statement, because when we try and let it go,

that's coming from the energy of control. And the reason why it's

so hard to let go is because we're trying to control and

force it, so then it doesn't work, right? It's just it's

control. It's like trying to force yourself to get pregnant.

You cannot control that. Trying to force yourself to find love,

trying to force yourself to to manifest something, you cannot

control life. You can't control other people. So letting go is

you trying to control your small self. And when we try and

control the small self, she only gets louder. Her tantrums get

bigger. She gets more attached. Right? It's like you're trying

to pull a toy away from a baby. What's it going to do? It's

going to cry and want it so badly because now you're pulling

it away from it, right? That's the let let it go. Like you

can't you just get over it, let it go. Versus and then the baby

now wants it more than ever, versus letting it be and letting

the baby stop playing with the toy when the baby tires and

doesn't want to play with the toy anymore. Right, letting it

be, just allowing it to be as it is, and not passively. Right, so

of course we're going to unpack this on this episode because

it's not just allowing yourself to stay in the fantasy that you

should be in the past. You are not who you were when you

started that relationship with that person. You are also not

who you're going to be. So there's this period that we

experience when we're in transition. This is a great time

to come to the starting over weekend. I'm going to plug that

right now. It's this coming weekend. Sign up, even if you're

not going through a breakup or divorce, but you're like going

through a big transition, and that's why this episode felt

relevant for you. So many heroines are coming. Many women

from the community who are married, who are who don't, who

aren't going through a breakup, but starting over such a

beautiful weekend. It's opportunity for us to look at

what's happening in our lives, and to do some healing around

the past, so that we can create what's what we're meant to

experience in the future, right? But so many of us get stuck in

the past. We're in the fantasy of the future, the fear of the

past, or the fantasy of the past, the fear of the future,

right? Fantasy and fear. We we hang out there in the past and

the future, and we miss everything that we're meant to

experience. So, starting over is like a reset button. You're

going to come meet some extraordinary women. It's the

23rd to 25th, two hours each morning, eight to 10 Pacific,

and we are going to rewrite your story and press reset.

But you are not the woman that you are becoming right now, and

if you are in that in between, your mind will be afraid. And

what's actually afraid? Your mind doesn't really feel your

conditioned mind, aka your saboteur, the voice in your

head, is programmed to keep you small. It's programmed to keep

you in the quote-unquote comfort zone where misery lives and

anxiety and all sorts of fun stuff. It is designed to keep

you from shining your light. It's designed to keep you from

being really happy and really vulnerable and really real, like

you were when you were five. Right? We were all that way, and

we developed this adapted conditioned self and this voice

in our head to keep us in line, because remember in school when

we had to be in line, you had to be in line. You had to sit in a

row. You had to like not speak unless you were spoken to. Like,

and that's just one small place where you okay. It was a big

place you were conditioned, but everyone had so many places that

condition us-you maybe your religion, maybe your definitely

your family system, your your culture, your community, your

environment-like so many things condition us to be not who we

are. And then we walk around the world as adults, pretending to

be adults, as kids in adult suits walking around, being

like, yeah, this is who I am. I'm a perfectionist. I'm just

here to please everyone else and not ever consider myself. Yep,

I'm just here to like hurt myself over and over and over

again. I'm just here to stay attached to my ex boyfriend and

play that story on repeat because I'm afraid that there's

nothing good coming in the future. But I'm going to pretend

that's really who I am. All of this is your protective,

adaptive self. That's not who you are, my love. It's not who

you are, and I'll say it to you till I'm blue in the face. I'll

say it to you every single week because, again, the messages of

the opposite are everywhere, right? So you have to come back

here every week and remember who you are. That's my role on

planet Earth. I'm here to remind powerful, amazing, extraordinary

women to to come back to the soul of who they are, so we can

have a planet that's filled with people connected to their hearts

and their souls. Can you imagine what a different world it would

be? Right, like you look at the natural world. That's why I live

in Africa. I'm so connected to the natural world, and I like. I

was walking to the coffee shop on Sunday, and a family of

monkeys crossed the street with the little baby jumping on the

on the telephone wire. Like that is so natural here. It's the I

mean, not to say there's aren't there aren't other issues. Of

course, everywhere has its its its its pros and cons, but you

know, so connected to the quiet and to the spaciousness and to

the natural world, and that's where we all came from, right?

But we've all been indoctrinated. We literally fell

for the most mass marketing scam on planet Earth. All of us fell

for it. We bought into this idea of smartphones that we can, and

they gradually got us into it. First, they're going to get us

addicted to a little phone where you go click, click, click,

click, click. Oh, I think I had a pager first. Actually, that

was my first thing, and then they get you addicted to the the

next version, the bigger one, and then the flip phone, and and

it's like a gradual baby introduction. And then one day,

I bet someone sat around a boardroom table. I don't know

who it was, Steve Jobs. Someone sat around a boardroom table

with a bunch of guys, and they were like, "One day we're going

to have everyone so addicted to these little televisions that

they carry around in their hand every day, and they check every

five minutes, and we're going to market to them, and we're." Sell

to them.

We're going to send them messages that make them believe

that they suck, that they're not good enough, they're not

lovable, that they should be in a relationship, that they should

not age, that they should all weigh this 95 pounds, that

nobody's ever going to die. We should brainwash them with

messaging so that they live in a fantasy utopia, thinking life is

supposed to be this perfect thing, and everyone spends tons

of money trying to curate this utopia, this utopian future of

the perfectly renovated kitchen and the perfectly sculpted body

and the perfectly, perfectly, what was I going to say? The

perfectly obedient face that doesn't abusive was the word

that kept coming up, so that's very interesting because I was

trying to say obedient face that doesn't ever move, right? That's

the Botox, but actually the word they kept kept hearing was

abusive, so I think that was a divine message, right? We abuse

ourselves, we abuse our our everything, all in the name of

some fantasy utopia our life is supposed to look like.

Meanwhile, you know, no matter how good your life looks on

paper, I've worked with a lot of women who might be crushing the

external version of life. They might be crushing the

performance. I've worked with a lot of women who are really good

at the performance. So I've worked with some women who also

suck at that. That was me before, but who are really good

at the show at making everyone think that they've got it all

together, that they're they've got it figured out, that they've

got it all, right? And underneath that is an aching

little girl that still doesn't feel good enough, that still

doesn't feel lovable, that still doesn't feel worthy, and she's

chasing the next thing and the next thing, and internally she's

beating the shit out of herself, and then she's beating the shit

out of everyone else, and then she's fantasizing about the past

and wanting to have it in the future, and then she's painting

like it's a mess. That's the small self, my loves. That is

the small self, your conditioned self, and there is also a

heroine inside of you, and that is everything I stand for, and

everything that I teach, and everything that I guide women

back home to is remembering the heroine that we all are, the

leading lady of your movie. Right, the next time your your

mind is like, oh, you can't make that decision. That's selfish.

Be like, oh, amazing! Absolutely, I'm making that

decision because this is my life. I better be selfish. What?

Like, I'm going to be selfish for other people's ideas of what

I should be doing, or I'm going to choose my own self. No, I'm

going to abandon myself. If you abandon yourself one more day,

you are reinforcing that you are not worthy and lovable and

enough, right? Women constantly abandon themselves, abandon

themselves for love, abandon themselves to look a certain

way, abandon themselves to get a job or to get paid a certain

amount of money that sucks the life out of them. Like we're

constantly abandoning ourselves, going against the gut feelings,

going against the internal compass that is always leading

us. No matter how much trauma you have had, your soul will

never stop leading you. Just most people don't know that

that's what that feeling is inside, right? The soul leads

you when you hear a message that you love, or a song that you

love, or you go to a place that you love, that's your soul

leading you, right? When you're around someone who seems great

on paper, but something feels off, that's your soul leading

you. Your soul knows exactly what's a yes for you and what's

a no for you. But most of us have been listening to the

conditioned saboteur mind. Again, that part doesn't feel.

That part just spews information, like, and and you

know is constantly trying to keep us small, right? So this

idea that you cannot move on, first of all, like the energy,

like you don't need to force anything, but it's an

indication, and that's why you're here having this

conversation with me right now, because if you're in the the

ping pong game, right?

Whether it's should I stay or should I go, or you've already

left and you're like, ah, I really want to move on, but I

can't let go of this person. It's like you are in the in

between worlds. You're in the past, in the future, like most

people, and that's not where you belong. You don't belong there,

my love. So a part of you needs some attention. That's all it

is. When you are stuck in anything in your mind, all that

it means is a part of you needs attention. I just want you to

think of yourself like this: like now that you know you have

a heroine, and now that you know that she is the guide of your

life, that internal compass, your divinity, your connection

to any everything on planet Earth and way beyond, your

divine self, your soul. Now that you know that that part is

unwavering and always inside of you. When you feel a

contraction, so you just imagine like breathing expansion. I'm

expanded. I'm present. I'm grounded. I feel amazing. That's

our natural state, homeostasis. We should feel that way most of

the time. Most people don't. That's actually our natural

state. That's how kids feel. And if they don't feel good when

they are contracted, what do kids do when they're in a

contract contracted state. What do they do? They feel. So you

need to go underneath the story about the guy or the person that

you're attached to, and you need to feel. Let the little girl or

little boy feel what's underneath, because there's

something underneath for you to welcome, for you to meet a part

of you that just needs you to hold the be the banks of the

river for her and let her wildly express like a wild animal,

okay? And you can start with the story. I shared this practice a

few weeks ago, but it's incredibly powerful. But you

just let that part unleash, right? Do it when nobody's home.

Put on some music so you can be really loud, and just let that

part unleash like a wild animal. Cry, scream, yell, tell the

story like, ah, he, we should be together. I wish I was over

this, or whatever the thing is, and then get the feeling

underneath. Move through the layers of feeling. Whatever is

there needs to be released and felt fully. And if it keeps

knocking on your door, you haven't felt it fully. Something

I hear women say so much is, "I just need closure from him. We

just need to have one more conversation so I can have some

closure. Your closure doesn't come from outside of you ever,

never. No person like that's actually a trap of your

saboteur. Your saboteur is like, actually, I'm going to go. It's

a manipulative trap to convince you that's the thing you need to

feel relief. But then you get that thing, and what it actually

does is typically keep us more hooked in, right? Or it

reactivates something, whether it's an anger, it's a

resentment, or it reactivates a fantasy story that you should be

together, or this isn't how it should be. So let yourself feel

the feeling fully, without feeding the story. You can start

at the story level if it needs to be expressed, but get

underneath it because this like young part of you is the one

that's attached. Your sovereign woman, your heroine, knows that

there's so much amazing stuff coming, and you're becoming a

new version of yourself. Like this breakup, this relationship

ending, this divorce, this marriage ending, whatever it

might be, this huge transition you're going through is a

portal. We go through many, many portals of initiation throughout

our lives, and every portal initiates us into the next

version of yourself. And I guarantee you've already been

through many, right? You've been through many experiences where,

at the time, you were arguing with reality, you were holding

on, you were holding on to your past self. That's really what

you're holding on to because it feels safe, quote unquote, even

if it's miserable, even if it's small, it feels safe to a kid

because that little girl still thinks her safety's outside,

right?

And by going through these processes, that's how you create

the safety inside, and the only way that you will walk through

life and have expansive love and healthy, thriving relationships

and a thriving life is when you when you create the safety

inside by not feeding the stories and staying stuck in the

past and the future. But when you're contracted, when you feel

small, when that part of you's there, actually giving her some

love and attention, sitting with her, letting her feel, letting

her express, letting her unleash, and then coming back to

sovereignty, coming back to the present moment, and take

yourself through another exercise. Right, the completion

comes from you no longer feeding the story and you learning and

building this, the developing. I want to say, okay, I was going

to say developing the skill, but I'm like of being present. But

hey, that's where we all came from. So it's not even a skill,

but it's like remembering and rebuilding the practice and the

connection to the present moment and to your body and your heart

and your soul because you did it so naturally when you were

little. We all did. And trust me, it's learnable. I sucked at

meditation. I was the least present person in the world. I

was the person you'd talk to, and the whole time you'd be

talking, I'd be thinking about what I was going to say. So I

sounded smart. So you felt better. So you wouldn't feel

pain. Like I was like constantly thinking. That was where I. And

now, barely, I made a joke on an episode recently. I feel like

Homer Simpson sometimes. Like it's just like not a lot up

there, and and and the beauty is the more space I have and the

more peace and quiet I have in my mind. She's chirping away

sometimes, but the more peace and quiet I have in my mind, the

more I can hear my divine wisdom, right? And then I can do

things like. Like have this conversation with you, and get

on calls with the amazing heroines that I work with, and

and and reflect to them, and send messages that are

inspiring, and you know make choices that expand me. Like I

keep growing into new parts of myself every day, and

experiencing new magical things and people and and connections

in my life every day, and it gets richer and richer and

richer and more beautiful, more meaningful and more deep because

there's space, because I'm connected to that divinity. So

start to connect to that space and develop a practice around

it, so that you can make space for your soul to speak. I think

there's a book called "Let Your Soul Speak, or maybe it's "Let

Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer. I seem to recall I read

it when I was in coaching school. Anyways, just had a

flashback. But let your soul speak. Let your life speak. But

you've got to create space. You've got to sit with her, and

if your mind is loud, go into a practice like I just talked

about, and let yourself move the energy of the feeling in the

story, and get it fully out. Cry your eyes out and scream and

kick pillows and ma, and dance and sing and move energy till

you're expanded again, and then sit in your meditation cushion,

and then create the space, or then go for a meditative walk

without your phone, and then create the space, right? Oh my

gosh, I just had a flashback of the phone analogy. I'm like,

wow, did I even wrap that up? It's like we're indoctrinated

with messages. There's two different frequencies here. You

can stay on the frequency of fear. It's like a radio station,

right? And if you continue to consume messaging that

reinforces that radio station of fear, you're going to continue

to struggle with everything I'm sharing. Right, you're going to

be like, "Oh, this feels amazing! Yeah, I want to do

that. That's so great. And then you're going to go back to your

small self. Right, you're going to go back to making choices

that don't feel good. You're going to go back to ignoring

your inner compass. You're gonna go back to feeding horror movies

in your mind of what's happening, or being obsessed

with your ex because you aren't connected to your soul.

That's all you're missing. You are the rose. It's not out

there. Then endless aching need is your saboteur addicted to a

story that somebody else is holding your soul

connection-it's not true, because that's what love is. In

those moments, we have expansion with another human. We are

feeling our own souls and our own hearts fully open, fully

expanded, and then we go up into the head and we don't feel it

anymore. So then we want another hit. We go back to the phone and

we don't see a text message. Then we get anxious. Then we go

on to Instagram or TikTok and try and fill the void with all

these marketing messages of how we're not good enough and we

should go lose 20 more pounds and get more Botox. Like the

system is set to keep you in that low frequency of fear.

Literally everywhere, it's everywhere, but the good news

is, or and the good news is, also the high vibration

frequency is also everywhere because my whole life is filled

with it, like filled with it. I mean, I can have the same

experience as someone else, and my experience is so different.

Where someone's like, "Oh, this that person was the worst, and

I'm like, "Really? I didn't experience that at all. Like

just plugged in, connected, and everything is so different from

that place. The women I attract, the the the women I work with. I

mean, even that. Like I think of um, like the the more I've I've

expanded from living abroad, everything becomes more

expanded. My work has become more expanded. The immersion has

become more expanded. The women I'm working with are becoming

more expanded. Everything becomes more expanded because

I'm satiated, because I'm home. So every facet of my life keeps

expanding because I'm in the soul. You have one too, my love,

and and it's your divine self, your heroine, becoming the

heroine of your own life. So you want to start envisioning, and

it's 33330, my gosh, I just looked up at the time, and it

I've been talking for 3333, when I said that you want to start

envisioning after you've let your small self temper tantrum

and freak out, and you've tended to her, and you've loved her up,

and you've rewired that part of you who's attached to your ex,

it's not you. You come back to that spaciousness, and you start

envisioning not a romantic relationship, because this is

what most people do. Most not people. Let's get honest. Men

are not manifest okay, except maybe maybe the men that listen

to the new truth. But most men are not manifesting their ideal

partner. Some are, but most men are just on purpose, like doing

their thing. And love comes when it comes. Women are the ones

working so hard because we we've prioritized relation. We're

relational. So we prioritize relationships so much because of

our brainwashing. Because guess what? We're actually relational.

It doesn't mean we we need one person. That's the lie we've

been sold. Women don't need one person. Women need a community.

We need a tribe of women who we are having deep, soulful, rich,

meaningful connections with, who we're celebrating and expanding

and growing and being inspired with, right? That's all the

female friends I have in my life. We are like we are holding

the mirror when our small selves are there. We are not letting

each other stay in that small, limited place. We are reminding

each other of who we are, and we are growing and evolving next to

each other, and then celebrating the shit out of each other when

we do, that's the new paradigm of sisterhood, and that's what

women need-not one man. Okay, and then absolutely, love is

going to be a part of it, but it's going to be like one piece

of the puzzle. One piece. It's going to be fricking amazing

when you're rooted in your home and you don't need it. The

moment you have that next lover or that next relationship, it's

going to be so beautiful and exactly what you need. It's

going to reveal more pain that needs to be loved. It's going to

reveal more of of what needs to be healed in you because that's

what relationships are really for. And so that's why having

this deep relationship within you is essential. It's

essential.

Otherwise, we are just a bunch of kids pretending to be adults

in relationships and blaming each other for our pain. Right?

You can blame your ex, you can blame two exes ago, you can

blame your parents, but the only one who can take responsibility

for your journey now is you. It is you. It is up to you. And now

it's a choice. You get to choose how you show up. So spend some

time envisioning not your ideal relationship because that's a

fantasy addict that wants to go from that guy to this guy. I

want you to envision your ideal life. Put your energy there.

That's so much bigger than one relationship. Your ideal life

love can be in it, right? And envision it, feel it. Sit in

meditation and imagine how it feels to have this life that

feels so expansive, that feels so connected and spontaneous,

that feels so nourishing, where your soul feels satiated, and

you feel on purpose, and you feel like you're sharing your

gifts with the world, and you feel rooted in who you are, and

you feel satiated, and you feel sovereign, whether you're in

relationship or not. And you get to experience deep, meaningful,

soulful sisterhood that calls you to rise, that reminds you of

who you are, and celebrates the crap out of every time that you

show up for yourself and each other. That celebrates who you

are and the essence of your being, and that you experience

love that expands you, love that feels nourishing to your soul,

and also reflects where you can grow because that's what it does

for us, right? Same with our friendships; all our

relationships are reflecting our new areas of growth. Even your

boss that triggers you, or that you know your mother-in-law, or

whoever; these are just reflections of areas for you to

grow. The old paradigm will just say, blame them, cut them out of

your life, set a boundary. You need to cut that person out. You

need to put up a wall. You need to tell them they're wrong,

right? You need to gossip to all your friends about them and

complain about it. That's the old paradigm. I did a saboteur

voice there. Hope you enjoyed it. That's the old paradigm. The

new paradigm is like, let's build a new world. That's the

other radio station that's available, and let me tell you,

it exists. I live in it. It's insanely amazing. It is like

unbelievable, and my old self would not have believed that

this world existed that I'm living in. And guess what? Same

planet. I'm on the same planet as you. I think if you're tuning

in from planet Earth, I'm on planet Earth, but I am in a

different frequency. So the world I experience is so

different from the world I used to experience. You think what is

happening outside of you is what is causing your pain, my love,

but I promise you it is not. It is you. It is your saboteur. It

is the voice in your head. It is all the meaning making. It's all

the self abuse. It's all the judgment. It's all the making

other people wrong and making yourself wrong and blame and

hurt. Your saboteur is creating a dramatic television in show

inside of you that is painful and hard. That then you share

with your friends or you hide in your basement. Don't share with

anyone if you're an isolator, and it keeps you suffering. This

is not who you are. So spend time creating space to get to

know your soul. Invest in yourself. Show up for yourself,

get mentors and guidance and support, and devote yourself to

getting to know that part of you because it's possible. Not just

in my world, all of my friends have been on their own soul

journeys and are living from this expanded soul place. All of

the people that I've attracted in my life, all of the heroines

I've worked with on this journey. You can absolutely

become the heroine of your life, absolutely, and having a support

system is a huge part of it.

If you are surrounded by a bunch of saboteurs who see the world

through the fear, who talk about the news, who talk about

politics, who are constantly arguing with reality and discord

and feeding the world more fear, more blame, more separation

consciousness, and resentment. If that's who you're surrounded

with, that is what you're going to keep experiencing. Is that

more of that? So you get to choose, and it's not to say

you're turning a blind eye to what's happening in the world.

If you feel pain about what's happening in the world, the pain

is inside of you. You've got to own it and alchemize that pain

and feel it fully, right? But most people don't feel their

feelings; they just talk about them, and then they just spew

poison everywhere. And then we just feed more hatred, more

fear, more blame, and we create more problems on planet Earth.

We create more separation, right? When you take

responsibility for all your pain, even when it's about

global issues, and you feel the rage and you feel the sadness,

and you get to the bottom of that well, and you let it all

out. Underneath it is love, and when we learn to live from the

truth of who we are, which is love, you can feel that for your

ex too, even if they hurt you, and you can feel love without

attachment. That real love, real love isn't attached. Real love

is a feeling, an expression. It's your soul. It's who you

are. And when we live from that place, we bring our gifts to the

world. We bring change to the world. We change and create a

ripple effect everywhere we go with every person we meet, and

that's what's possible and available for you. And it is so

much more fun. It's so much more light and grounded and peaceful.

It's amazing. So join me over here. A great place to start if

you're curious or you've you you've never worked with me, and

you want to explore. Come to the starting over weekend. I would

love to have you. I would love to meet you. We're going to be

live on Zoom. It will not be recorded, so you have to move

mountains to make the time available. It's Friday,

Saturday, Sunday, october 23 to 25th, eight to 10 Pacific. Maybe

it'll be a little longer, so leave a little wiggle room. But

it's going to be an amazing group of women from around the

world. Lots of women who've worked with me already, who are

deeply devoted to their path of their soul and their heroine,

and lots of newbies. And you know, I encourage you to be on

camera because connecting with other women in this way is

essential. It's interactive. It's so empowering. So if you're

at this place where you're done with feeding the fear-based

stories of the past and future, and you just want to start

living again and enjoying your life and creating a life that

you love, right? Envisioning a life that you love and stepping

into it and reclaiming it. This is a great place to start, or

this is a great time to join. So sign up for the starting over

weekend. It's $22. It's so inexpensive. It's worth the time

investment. If you have kids, move mountains to to have

someone come look after them. Invite your mother over or ask

your husband to To look after them, but it is so worth you

moving mountains to be there for yourself. And what does that

show your kids how to love themselves too? How to make time

and space for themselves? Often moms are like, "Oh, I can't. I

got the kids. Oh, there's soccer on Saturdays. Whatever. Like

maybe someone else can go to their soccer game, so mama can

do something deeply nourishing for her soul, right? Then you

have so much more capacity rather than sacrificing

yourself, abandoning ship, and then feeling resentful later

that you miss this opportunity to grow, to heal, to connect,

and to create more intimacy in your life and to rewrite that

story. So I would love to have you there. This is this portal

is an invitation into the next level of yourself, right? Life

gives us these heartbreaking, challenging initiations over and

over and over again. They're portals to the next level of

your expansion of your life of yourself.

I've been through many, many, many, many, many portals over

the years, and my life, and my heart, and my connection to

myself-it's couldn't be any different. Like it's insane how

I can't even like. I wish I had videotape, video footage of who

I was back when I was people pleasing and insecure and

couldn't follow my truth and couldn't honor myself and you

know was in fantasy about love and jealous as fuck, and could

be single for five minutes. Had to have a boyfriend every time I

broke up with someone. I was in a new relationship because I

couldn't be alone, and now I live in a cottage alone in

Africa. It's so wild, like to think that I couldn't be alone,

and now I'm always with myself. But I'm also-I had walked to

yoga this morning, had an amazing. Yoga class met a new

woman in class. She was so lovely. She ended up driving me

home after we had a sweet, super sweet connection. And I'll see

her again on Wednesday. And just like everything is so

spontaneous and and connected because I'm home and I'm like

wow, and I'm never feeling alone. And I'm always with

myself. I'm always alone, but I'm with myself, and I'm with my

guides, and I'm in connection always. And so are you. That's

when you live from your soul. So join us. Would love to see you

there. If you have any questions, please send me a

message. The link will be below this episode to sign up wherever

you're watching it from, and also my website,

theunscriptedwoman.com. You can sign up there. It's on the front

page of my website, starting over weekend, and you can also

find it on Instagram, Kate Harlow the Unscripted Woman, and

it's in my bio there. So we'll see in it this weekend. And

yeah, I believe in you. You've got this. Spread this message to

every woman you know who's still holding on to something or

someone, the closure comes from within, right? Tension to your

small self, tending to her, letting her fully feel and

express it, and then allowing your soul to get into visioning

and feeling the frequency of an expanded life. You you're not

going to necessarily know what it looks like, but how do you

want to feel? That's the most important question of all. And

then start start following the compass and allowing yourself to

do things that feel that way. You are so much bigger than one

romantic relationship, and when you're living from that expanded

place, that's when you get to experience expanded love. I

believe in you. You've got this. I love you. We'll see you next

week, and hopefully, we'll see you this weekend. And share this

message with every woman who needs to hear it, and every

woman you know going through divorce or breakup right now.

Share the link for starting over weekend, and let's get as many

amazing women there so we can all hang out and be inspired and

expanded together. Lots of love.