When You Feel Lonely In Your Relationship, But Are Afraid To Leave And Be Alone

I promise you that it is like infinite what is

possible for us, but we've been programmed to believe that it is

not, and that you need to be in a relationship in order to feel

good, in order to be happy. And you know what? I think

relationships are amazing. They're an extraordinary mirror

to grow and evolve more. You know, and to experience deep,

deep intimacy. But if you are not deeply intimate with

yourself, if you are not coming from your soul, you won't be

able to receive deep intimacy with even the most beautiful

partner in the world. So it's the it's the greatest investment

you'll ever make is investing in learning how to live from the

beauty and magic of your soul, from your sovereignty, from your

heart, and learning how to truly be in relationship with these

smaller parts of you, but not let them lead your life.

Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the new truth. I am going to

start off today's episode to let you all know that the new truth

is officially on YouTube. If you are one of my three sister

subscribers, which I'm one of them, so if you're one of my two

subscribers, you might be watching this on YouTube, or if

you're watching it later. But I wanted to shout from the

rooftops, let you know that YouTube channel is official,

which is terrifying. Now I'm going to be on video, but I'm

always up for growth. So the new truth is officially on YouTube,

and all the episodes from now on, and maybe some of the old

episodes will also be uploaded because it's always been

recorded on video. But I've just never had it on YouTube. And the

funny thing is, is I do not listen to podcasts on audio apps

ever. I watch podcasts on YouTube. So Amrit Sandu, who I

had on last week, the astrologer. He has a really big

YouTube channel, and he said to me, "Why aren't you on YouTube?

And I was like, "That is a great question. Definitely, the new

truth should be on YouTube because I know I'm missing a lot

of women like myself who don't listen to podcasts on audio

apps. So for those of you that love YouTube and love to watch,

join me over there, and please subscribe to the New Truth.

Please tell all your friends, and of course, we'll let it

organically grow over time. But I'm very excited for this new

opportunity to grow.

As I said, a little uncomfortable, but we're gonna

grow. We are gonna grow. So I hope that you are doing so well.

I hope you enjoyed the astrology episode with Amrit last week.

Gosh, there was just like so much. We could have talked

forever. He's such a delightful being. So yeah, I hope you got

some gems out of that episode. His teacher Deborah Silverman,

I'd love to have on the podcast. I probably will have her on

soon, but she's also a legend. So if you ever want to look her

up on YouTube, Deborah Silverman, she's been teaching

astrology. She has an astrology certification training that one

of the heroines from my community is taking right now,

and apparently it's she just started, but she's blown away by

it. So Deborah Silverman is a legend. She wrote a book called

"I Don't Believe in Astrology. I think it's called. So she's like

playing on what everyone says about astrology, and she talks

about all the elements in astrology and how we all, based

on our chart, we all have different elements. I just have

learned so much from watching her as well, and I found I heard

of her through Amrit because she's his teacher, but she's

been teaching astrology, I think, for 40 years, and she's

so cool. So hopefully, I'm manifesting having her on very

soon. But definitely check her out, and yeah, lots of exciting

guests to come now that we have a YouTube channel. Like, who

knows where it's going to go? So if you ever have someone on that

you think would be really relevant for the new truth in a

conversation you'd like to see me have, let me know. I'm

totally open. So here we are. When you feel lonely in your

relationship but afraid to be alone, this is so common.

This episode was inspired by one of my soulmate besties from

Forever and Ever, who had just shared that that she, you know,

a friend of hers said to her like how lonely she was feeling

in her marriage, but that she would never leave because she

doesn't want to be alone. And you know, it's so so so so so

common. Like women are so afraid to be alone because they already

feel lonely even when they're with someone, so they can't

imagine how lonely they would feel being alone. And certainly,

I've talked about loneliness before, but I really, really

want to unpack this because the reality is, and it's such a

common thing. It makes me think of the movie Eat, Pray, Love.

And if you see, well, it's a book too, but I'm going to refer

to the movie. Julia Roberts is in this marriage. She has this

like glamorous life. She travels for a living. She's a travel

writer. She has this beautiful husband and great friends, and

she's living in New York City.

Has this really nice life, and she's laying in bed next to her

husband one night, like, and just like she's just realizing.

It kind of the beginning of the movie just illustrates how

disconnected they are, and really, of course, the deeper

message of the movie is she's actually disconnected from her

own soul. So, like, of course, people feel lonely in marriages

because if you're not connected to your own soul, how could you

feel connected to your partner, right? Only in the beginning,

when you're in a fantasy and you're all excited and you're

getting off, getting off. Well, literally and figuratively,

getting high on all the endorphins that come from the

newness and from the adventure and from the fantasy stories of

where it's going and what this means. We don't feel lonely

then, but if you are not rooted in yourself, with which most

people are not. And when I say rooted in yourself, like rooted

in your soul, most people aren't. So of course, like it's

a lonely world out there. And the funny thing is, this episode

is about when you feel lonely in your relationship or your

marriage, but you're afraid to be alone. You're afraid to leave

because you don't want to be alone. And I work. I work with

so many single women, and when I start working with them, it's

like, oh, I'm so lonely being single.

I just want a partner. Where is he? And it's like, no matter

where you go, wherever you go, there you are. And the reason

single women and married women are having the same problem,

whether there's a man next to them or a woman or whatever

you're into, whether whether there's a man next to them or

not, I'll say men for simplicity's sakes. You fill in

the blank. There's loneliness because you're you're you're

longing for your own soul, right? But the reality is, the

mind will always tell you like, oh, you know you're lonely so

you need to like find another love or you need to get into a

relationship you just need to find that person your lobster

and then you will never be lonely again and you know I

would love to create some sort of event where single women who

believe this to be true get together with married women who

are lonely as fuck even with the loves of their lives even with

like a super healthy marriage, and stick them all together in a

room, and have the married women tell the women who are single

how fucking lonely they are laying next to their partner,

even when they love them deeply, even when they're like, have you

ever had that experience where you're just like, I need

connection tonight. I really need connection. I'm feeling so

lonely these days. So you make plans with your girlfriends and

you go out to dinner and then you sit there and you feel like

totally lonely, even though you're sitting with your friends

talking. You might be laughing, but like there's this ache

underneath. The ache is a is because you're not connected to

the soul, which is inside your body, and so loneliness. I and

surely, I mean, I know I've done an episode on loneliness before.

I think it's just an important conversation to have over and

over again because I hear, especially in the Western world,

where people are so isolated. Like, okay. So my dear friend

just arrived. She's Turkish. I met her in Vancouver. She lived

in Vancouver for like eight years. She's like a soulmate

friend, but like we actually don't know each other very well.

We hung out in Athens for two days a few years ago. I've hung

out with her in Vancouver a few times. She's very close with one

of my best friends, And she sent me a message about I don't know

six months ago or four months ago, and said, "Hey, I'm

thinking of moving to Kenya, and I hear that you love it, and I

just like keep seeing all your posts and hearing from your

bestie how much you love it. And she's like, "What? Can you just

tell me your opinion? She she's and she shared with me. She

actually arrived yesterday. She has moved to Kenya indefinitely,

like just for a few months to try, and then and then we'll

see. She moved to my neighborhood. I gave her a ton

of tips, but we were sitting there talking, and she was like,

"I've I just have always had this dream of living in Africa.

She's like, "I've never been to Africa. I don't know why. And

she shared all these incredibly moving dreams that she had about

Africa and specifically Kenya. Before I moved here, she has

been drawn to Kenya, and so she came, and we went. We met for

breakfast. I went to my workout class first, and then I went to

meet her at this beautiful little cafe, one of my favorite

cafes in my neighborhood. It's super jungley and it's all open

air. and And I'm sitting there, and she comes, and we're hanging

out, and the staff know me there, and they're all

introducing themselves to her. And and then I bump into a

friend, and you know, like I saw multiple people I knew, and then

that friend was filling me in on some other friends that are back

in town, and da da da, and and we were talking about this

person and that person, whatever.

And she's like, "Wow, it's really community oriented here,

isn't it? And I'm like, "Yeah, everyone is so connected. Like

we, I see people every day. I'm, I'm, I'm alone every day, and

I'm with people every day, and I have coffees very

spontaneously." Breakfast very spontaneously or dinner, like

you know, often it's not even a plan; it's just spontaneous.

Sometimes I go to my yoga favorite yoga class with my

favorite yoga teacher at her house, and then she'll be like,

"Want to stay for a coffee? And I'll just stay after for a

coffee, and it's just so community oriented. And of

course, in North America, people hang out with their friends, but

I think you know, especially living in cities. I'll say, like

our souls need nature. We need community. We need people. We

need fun. We need adventure. But most people in the Western world

live in cities. I don't know what the percentage is actually,

but I used to live in a city, and even being back in North

Vancouver with my parents in August, and I was around amazing

people and had a great time, but like I just feel this like sort

of I don't know how to describe it. It's like this unarrest

internally. It's not. It's very mild, but it just like doesn't

feel right. You know, being in a box with all the cars going by,

like they live in a townhouse on a road that's like there's a

stop sign in front of their house, so it's it's not fast

traffic, but it's traffic. There's cars. You just hear cars

going by all day long, and I'm just like imagining all these

people alone in these apartments, or even alone with

their families. Like just because you live with people

doesn't mean you're not going to feel lonely if you're alone

inside of a box in a nuclear, like the nuclear family model is

so crushing to the soul. And you know, living in Africa, it's

like people live on compounds with many houses, and they, you

know, the kids are kind of like being raised by everyone.

I feel like I talked about that a couple weeks ago, but it's

just this different. Like it's just communal living. It's what

they do, and I think that I mean that's definitely where we all

started. And so there is this this isolation that happens in

the Western world where people are living in these tiny places,

or maybe they're living in a really big place that's too big,

but they're not talking to their neighbors. Like even when I

lived in Greece, my neighbors in my apartment building. No,

that's not true. I had friendly neighbors. My friend doesn't

have friendly neighbors in Greece, but nobody talked to

anybody. And it's like I find Greek people incredibly

friendly, but some reason in the apartments nobody was talking to

anybody. And you know, it's certainly like that. Like I

think of, I come, I go to Greece to my coffee shop, or I go to my

grocery store. Everyone knows my name. Everyone knows my order.

Everyone knows everyone. And then I go to the coffee shop in

Vancouver, and like I go every day, and nobody even cares to

ask my name. Even if I ask their name, they don't even ask it

back. You know. So there's this like feeling where everyone's

kind of on their own and they're alone, which is so unnatural.

But you know, even deeper than this, so for sure we are

community-oriented beings. And if you are a woman, you

absolutely are community-oriented. Like the

feminine needs people.

We thrive in community. My friend and I were just talking

about how we desire. We both kind of had the same dream, and

I had a psychic tell me this is going to happen for me. He he

knew nothing about me, and he's like, "You're meant to be in

Kenya. Africa is going to expand your life so much. You're going

to buy land. You're probably going to start a retreat center

there. And I was like, "Yeah, that's what I want. Like a

property that I can rent out, but also where I can live on the

land and have other friends live on the land and create events,

community events, retreats, and you know, rent it out for other

purposes. And my friend was like, "I want the same thing.

And lately, I've heard so many people with that same vision,

kind of wanting to get back to our roots, get back to nature.

Get back to living in community. Get back to being together and

not being so isolated. Because nuclear family model is so

isolating. Even this idea of like my kid versus your kid,

like don't talk to my kid that way. Versus like all our kids

are all our kids, you know, which is really the mentality

here. Even even the the families that are new here, like the

expat community, it's similar. Like the kids are wild animals

here; they're just like wild and free. And all the families I've

met that are from Europe that live here now are are really

like, yeah, that's why they live in Africa because their kids get

to have this rogue, rugged, beautiful wild life, and that's

what our souls are meant for. Rather than raising our kids in

these, you know, cement constructs and I don't know

skyscrapers and all the things. So, but even deeper than the

community piece, something that's so important. The reason

why people can feel lonely even though they're surrounded by

people, is because they're not home. Nobody's home, so most

humans are. Unless I mean, I say whenever I say most, it's like

because it's still even though there's a mass awakening

happening right now, it's still a really small percentage of

people who are actually living consciously, right? In in. In

comparison to the whole world, it's still a very small

percentage. Like probably, I don't even know the stats. Maybe

1% of the population, maybe less than one. So most people are

living day to day in the scripted life. Right? This is

what you should do. This is the right thing to do. This is what

my life should look like. This is what the the right the this

is where I should be on my timeline. It's just like this,

this mind conditioning as to what life is supposed to be, who

we're supposed to be, what we're supposed to look like, what

happiness even looks like.

Oh, make sure you have the nicest house and the nicest body

and the nicest looking partner and the nicest, the most money

or whatever the story might be. And the script comes from your

mind, right? And the mind is the prison of loneliness. Actually,

I've never said that before. Hot off the press. The mind is a

prison, which my friend wrote a book. I had her on the podcast.

I think she's been on twice, actually. Dr. Valerie Rayne.

Should reach out to her. Miss her. She wrote a book,

phenomenal book. I highly recommend you read it if you

haven't already. It's called Patriarchy Stress Disorder, and

it's the trauma. She was a trauma therapist for like 20

years in New York City for women, and she kept seeing the

same health issues and same issues. and And she talks about

the the patriarchy stress disorder is trauma from living

and being raised in as women in a patriarchy and patriarchal

systems and structures, which all of them are, and the

feminine has been completely thrown out, burned at the stake

to begin with, and you know all these systems about hustling and

grinding and pushing and forcing and achieving and success and

chasing and and the feminine got lost along the way. Right? We

threw the baby out with bathwater, which is like feeling

and sensation and sensuality and slowness and receiving and

relaxing and intuition and like that's the feminine, the

beingness, right? But most people are living from the

doingness and from that like scripted go go go. So Dr.

Valerie does use the metaphor of your mind is it is a prison and

your it keeps you you keeps you in a prison and the prison

guards are your what I call your saboteur your ego mind right the

voice in your head or the prison guards think about it think

about every time you've wanted to do something amazing every

time you've wanted to go your own way and like pick up and

move to Africa, like Kate did, or you know, like join a choir,

or like sign up for musical theater, do sexy dance classes,

or go on a date in a foreign country, or whatever the thing

might be. Something that feels jump out of an airplane, like

something that felt outrageous. That your soul was like yes, and

then your mind was like, no, right? I talk about that a lot.

Is how every time we have these deep soul desires, immediately

what what my friend Valerie calls their prison guards will

show up and be like, nope, you can't do that. I have a long

list of all the reasons why you can't and shouldn't and and will

not do that. And so we're we've spent a lifetime. Most people,

most of your life minus seven years or something, listening to

the mind, the scripted, conditioned, programmed mind

that's been consuming information in other people's

voices your whole entire life, and then registering it,

recording it, and then regurgitating it to you. This is

what I call your saboteur. Give her a name and get to know her

like your roommate, because that's actually not who you

truly are, right? But she is going to make you think she's

you, but she's the prison guards that keep you in the prison of

your mind, and yet your soul lives in your body. So coming

back to this notion of being lonely, I am alone all of all

the time. My my life when I'm in Kenya and when I was in Greece,

I'm alone all of the time. This is interesting. I had a former

boyfriend reach out to me recently. He follows me on on

Facebook, and maybe some friends have told him what I'm up to

because I haven't talked to him in years. And he reached out to

me and said, "Hey, are you still living in Africa? And I was

like, "Yep. And he said, "How is it? How do you feel there? Do

you like it or something? I'm I'm paraphrasing right now, but

I said, "Oh my God, I love it! It's amazing! I just got back. I

was in North America for two months, and I just feel so happy

to be home. And he was like, "Really? Do you ever feel

lonely? And I said, "Oh no, never!

And I'm alone a lot, but I love being alone, and I'm with people

a lot, and I love being with people. And he was like, "Huh?

And then he admitted that he felt lonely, which I thought was

so beautiful. And my response to him was, "You know, this is such

a normal thing. Most people in the Western world feel lonely

and are on antidepressants. Actually, most people

antidepressants or anti anxiety medication. Like I watched a a

comedian once a year ago or so, and at first I really liked her,

and then she was like. I'm on Zoloft. What are you on? And

then the audience all started yelling what they were on, and I

I actually started crying and I turned it off and I just

thought, wow, this is the world that we are in now. People live

lives that are so out of alignment with the magic of

their own hearts and souls. They don't know that you don't know

what you don't know till you know, right? If they've never

come across the New Truth podcast or any other teacher

that teaches you how to remember who you truly are, there's a lot

of us out there. But if you don't come across that, or

you're not open to hearing these messages, then you just live in

the prison cells of your mind. And it's funny, I thought that

was mine, and then I realized it came from my friend's book.

Thanks, Dr. Valerie. But like, really, truly, we are prisoners

of our mind. And is prison lonely? Probably. Maybe it

wasn't for Gandhi because he was rooted in his soul. You see,

like, be the change in the world you wish to see. He was in

prison, and he was meditating every day, and he was connected

to his heart and soul, so he had a very different experience than

most people. And this is what's possible. But when we're in the

prison of our mind and we're believing all these horrible

thoughts, think about how many thoughts you have a day that are

incredibly judgmental towards yourself and other people. That

other people are wrong. That other people are bad. That other

people are horrible.

That you've been wronged, or that you're horrible and you're

stupid, or you're not beautiful enough, or you're not thin

enough, or you need a boyfriend, or you need to break for your

husband, or you need la la la la la. Right? That you are a

prisoner if all day long your mind is so loud that you can't

meditate and you can't think a nice, have a nice feeling inside

of your body, and you are anxious or numb or disconnected

or depressed. You are in prison inside of your mind, and

wherever you go, there you are. We're gonna find out one day the

name of that, the author of that book, because it's the name of a

book. But I love that quote: "Wherever you go, there you are.

Your soul is waiting for you. Your soul is showing your you

your desires all the time. She will light up. She will be like,

"Ooh, that thing! And right away, your mind will be like,

"Nope, that's too expensive. You can't afford it. Nope, that's

too this. You could never do that thing. Imagine what people

will think of you. Like, God, I think about the time that I

changed my name when I was 25, and I was so mortified. How many

people judge me? I was like horrified. I lost friends.

People just like stopped calling. Some people because

they didn't want to change my name, and I was like, but I'm

like, I do not relate to my name. If you're new to me, I

changed my name from my first name to my middle name when I

was 25, 20 years ago. So I've almost been Kate as long as I've

like half of my life. Not there yet, almost in five years when

I'm 50. But but regardless, it's like I did that thing, and there

came a time in my life where my compass in my soul just became

louder than the the stories in my mind. So at the time when I

made that name change, I did care what people thought. I was

in my small self, aka the wounded little girl and the saboteur.

I was horrified at how people were judging me. I didn't expect

that. I mean, I I knew they judge me, but like, oh, it was

so intense. People challenged it. People said I was a weird

hippie, and you know, at the time, I was like, I know, I

understand. It sounds weird. Call me a nickname, whatever. I

was just like, I get it, but like the desire to be aligned

with my true soul versus like keeping a name I hated just to

not ruffle feathers and make other people uncomfortable. Like

my soul desire was way stronger. You might relate to this in some

situations where you went your own way, you went against the

grain, you did something totally different because you were like,

"I'm not fucking willing to do the thing because this desire is

so strong. But usually the mind is stronger, right? And so, if

you feel lonely, whether you are lying next to your husband or

wife, if you feel lonely when you're single and you're by

yourself, by yourself versus with yourself, right? If I'm by

myself, if I'm beside myself, of course I'm going to be lonely

because I'm not home. If you are lonely, it means you've been

living upstairs in your saboteur thinking mind in this prison

cell. Your saboteur is the secure is the security guard

that's like, no, no, no, don't do that brave thing. Nope. Okay,

you don't want to do this thing. You don't want to go to your

friend's birthday. Well, you're going anyways because you got to

be loyal and you got to be a good person. You got to put

other people first. You don't want to go on that vacation. Oh,

but you're going to go anyways because you told your friend you

would, right? Like your saboteur is the one who talks you into

things that are out of aligned and out of things that are no

out of things that are aligned. Into things that, oh my God,

into things that are out of alignment and out of.

Things that are in alignment with your soul. So if you are

lonely, and it doesn't matter the state of your relationship,

because I've watched, listened to Jackie's episode on the

first, the the first. I'm pretty sure she was the first episode

in June. It was about marriage. Highly recommend you listen.

It's a heroine that's come on the journey with me. Whether

you're married or not, I think the beginning of it was "Should

I stare? Should I go? The title-I can't remember the exact

title-with Jackie Gilstrap. I definitely encourage you to

listen to that episode because she shares her story about how

she and her husband were separated when they when we

first met. We did a year of work together. She came to the

immersion in Greece. She had a huge inner transformation, and

at the time we worked together, we did not talk about her

marriage once. She was not interested in getting back

together with her husband. She was like, "Oh, that's done

forever. They had two two boys, but she just could not see it to

be possible. So our whole year together, we were working on her

healing her relationship within herself, with her heart,

learning how to live from her soul and her heroin, rather than

the the saboteur thoughts in the mind, and so she completely

healed and transformed that relationship within. And guess

what? A year later, her husband came back, and they developed a

whole new relationship. And now they have this amazing family,

amazing new like house, new property, new. They're living on

a farm in Texas. Like she shares her whole story in that episode.

So definitely listen to it because it's so nuanced and so

powerful. But the the the reason I share this is because if you

are the woman who's married, like Elizabeth Gilbert, laying

next to this man being like, "I'm lonely as fuck. Okay,

Elizabeth Gilbert needed to go on a journey to awaken and

unlock her soul. That's what Eat, Pray, Love is, right? Then

she goes on this journey to to Italy, pleasure, to India,

spirituality, and to Bali, which is like heart and love energy.

So she goes on the journey to awaken her soul. That's

essentially what the immersion and working with me privately

is. Women come on the journey to awaken their soul.

Now, it doesn't mean like I've had so many clients who've

who've reached out to me when they're divorced, when they're

just breaking up, when they're divorced, when they're ready to

like reclaim their life. And some get back together with

their partners. Some never look back and have new love, or just

end up deepening in love with themselves, and have this

amazing new life. And some are still married, you know. In that

question, should I say or should I go? In that, like I'm so

lonely, but I don't want to be alone. Like how wild. Like I,

I'm alone with this person, but I'm scared to be alone with

myself. It's just because you're not home, right? It's just

because you need to go on your eat, pray, love journey and

unlock your heart and your soul, unlock your mind from the prison

cell, right? That is not who you are. It is that is why the work

that I do with women is can be so effective, is because you are

externalizing that voice in your head and giving her a name like

she's your roommate because she is your roommate. She's in the

penthouse suite. That is not you. The voice in your head that

is highly critical, that is highly fearful, that is highly

judgmental, that worries and doubts and spins in circles and

makes up stories that aren't even true. That voice in your

head is a voice of conditioning, but your whole life you've

thought it was you, right? We just think it's us because it's

inside of us. So of course we think it's us, but who you truly

are is in your body. When you were a child, you were not

listening to a voice in your head. You were listening to

external voices because everyone was like, "Don't do that.

Don't go there. Be a good girl. And those voices become the

voice in your head, but in the beginning, you you followed your

compass. This was no problem for you. This was easy for you. You

did what felt good, and you like my niece Ronan. She will not let

me like I I called her okay. I called her this new nickname. I

love bug, but in Swahili, it's doo doo, which is so cute. It

also means poop in English, but I think the word doo doo is so

cute. So I was calling her doo doo or my love doo doo, and she

was like the first couple days she was like I love doo doo, and

she's like you're my doo doo, and I was like doo doo doo doo.

We were calling each other doo doo. It was so cute, and I was

loving it. And then one day she woke up and I was like good

morning doo doo, and she was like I am not Dudu, and I was

like, "Really? I thought you were Dudu. I am like, "Am I

Dudu? She's like, "Yeah, you're Dudu, but I'm not. And then the

rest of the time, she didn't want to be Doo Doo, and I'm

like, "Okay, fair. She follows her compass. She's four, right?

She's just in her truth. She's in her sovereignty. She's in her

heart. She's in her soul. She's in the wonder and the awe and

the exploration of this earth. So that's who you truly are. No

little three-year-old is lonely. They're rooted. They're like

fascinated by every little ant that goes by, every little

butterfly that flies by, every little bird. Right? Little kids

are in the moment. They're feeling everything. They're

connected to. Everything they're in that interconnectedness. That

is the soul. When we live through the soul, from the soul,

we're then connected to divine downloads. That's those moments

where you're like, you have the thought, and then someone else

says the thing, and you're like, what? I was just thinking that

synchronicity, telepathic communication, divine downloads

from the angels and universe, like magic. Life gets easy,

abundance is easier. Love is easier. Everything is easier

when you're living from your soul. And when you're not, it's

lonely as fuck. And then you need medication, or you need to

self-medicate with alcohol or food or something because you're

trying to numb the thoughts in your head that are creating the

anxiety in your body because you're not home. But the

loneliness only exists because you aren't connected to your soul.

Period, 100% of the time. So, when we are afraid to be alone,

it's really because you're afraid to be alone with your

saboteur. Truly, you're afraid to be alone with the voice in

your head, and when you're with someone, you're with the voice

in your head, and you're like your saboteur is like, oh my

god, he doesn't look at you anymore. He's working. He's

always on his phone. Like he doesn't give me attention. Maybe

I'm in the wrong relationship. Why am I with this person? And

your saboteur is like in all these stories, projecting them

all onto your partner. I'm not saying you're in the right

relationship. Maybe you are. Maybe you aren't. But how can

you know if you're not home, right? If nobody in the

relationship is home in their soul, and if you're not,

probably your partner isn't either. But it takes one person

to raise the consciousness of a relationship. One person. So

that which is what happened in Jackie's story, which is why I

highly recommend you go back and listen to it. Takes one person

to connect from the soul and to unlock that or evoke that in the

other person, not immediately, but over time. And eventually,

if your partner never drops into the magic of their soul and they

are they stay in the program of the mind. They stay in the

disconnection, disassociation in that prison cell internally,

believing fear, feeding fear, feeding stories, talking about

everything that's happening in the world, but not doing

anything for their themselves or not taking any responsibility in

their lives. Like if you start living from the magic of your

soul, and you stop tolerating all the bullshit, and you stop

like believing all the fantasies and all the lies and all the all

the distractions. That person will fall away, right? They'll

either rise with you or they'll fall away. But you don't even

have to figure it out at this point. Your body will tell you

the moment a relationship is meant to be over, but most

people leave from reactivity. They leave from drama. They

leave from chaos.

They leave from hatred. They leave from pain. Something else

is possible. I've worked with a few women recently who've walked

through relationship completions in such a beautiful, sovereign,

loving way, and you know, I always encourage them to like

start to really like stay in the relationship and from the

heroine first. Become your heroine here instead of blaming

your partner, and see if the relationship shifts. And if it

does, then amazing, great. And if it doesn't, then you'll know,

and there'll be there'll come a time and a moment where your

body's like we're complete, and you'll know, and you won't have

to you don't have to do anything or figure every anything out

because your body will tell you there is this compass in your

soul. I know I talk about it a lot, but man, it will never let

you down. I think of my friend I had breakfast with today; like

she's here and she's so grounded, and her heart's so

open. And I'm like, she feels so different. I'm like, because she

just followed her cup. This she spent the the summer in Europe,

in Spain, and all these magical places, and now she's here. And

she had these dreams of living in Africa, and doesn't even know

why. But she's here, right? To the logical mind, that makes no

sense. She's never been to Africa, but here she is, and she

came at the perfect time when she knew someone who could plug

her in to community, to connections, to friends, and so

now she's got this instant. Like I'm like, oh, I made plans for

us next weekend, the weekend after. Do you want to come on

this trip? Do you want to come to this thing? Like I've invited

her to all these things now because she's here, so it's it's

you know amazing because she followed the call of her soul.

So your soul is going to call you so many magical places. But

if you're listening to the prison guards of the mind,

you're going to stay in that place of loneliness forever, or

as long as you listen to the prison guards.

If you keep letting the prison guards keep you in captivity,

you will miss out on the beauty and magic of your soul, and you

know what? Some people do. It's quite wild, isn't it, to think

that some people live their whole entire lives disconnected

from the beauty and magic of their own souls, never know what

was possible. Like, I wonder what happens when you cross over

if. If it's like, oh, here's what you could have done, but

here's what you chose to do, you know. Some people live their

whole lives just like numbing pain, and yeah, like the human

experience is painful for sure. We're going to go through

painful times, but when you live a life from your soul and you

know how to be in relationship with your pain and your smaller,

younger parts of you that get activated by the challenges of

life, you have the capacity for everything, and it's very

different. If you feel lonely in your relationship, but you're

afraid to be alone, it is simply a call. Maybe put on that movie,

Eat, Pray, Love, and watch watch that that journey because that's

exactly what it is. Like the hero's journey. Like the woman

wakes up one day dead inside. She checked all the boxes. She's

crushing life. She's doing the on paper life perfectly, and

it's it's not satiating her. She's deeply aching inside. Why?

Because she has not discovered her own soul. And then she goes

on this beautiful journey.

Women always say like, "Come in with me to Greece. Is like eat,

pray, love because they come, you know, on this magical

adventure to this beautiful culture and this beautiful place

in this whole new world, and they get to unlock the magic of

their own souls in this magical place, and and it is eat, pray,

love because you awaken your spirituality and your divinity,

and you awaken your pleasure, and you eat amazing Greek food,

and you, you know, the Greek sun and the beach and the sea is so

healing. We do like morning sunrise swims in the Ionian Sea,

which is deeply, deeply healing. And you know, it's this magical

reclamation of your soul. And everyone falls in love with

everyone because guess what? When we're in our souls, we're

all compatible. That's a funny thing. Everyone's triggered by

everyone because they're living in their patterns. You're living

in your saboteur. If you're believing the stories of your

mind that he's wrong or she's wrong or they've wronged you or

they're bad, like I'm gonna do an episode on that soon. It's

like we live in a world that's just taught us to blame everyone

around us and to be victims of our circumstance, but

ultimately, everyone's just going their own way, doing their

own thing based on their programming and based on what

they believe internally. It's nothing to do with you, and it's

all a reflection, no matter what. And this can be a tough

pill to swallow sometimes, but it's also the most liberating

thing in the world because when you can take your own

responsibility for your life and for how you feel and for your

triggers-like you just get triggered way less when you

realize it's all a reflection and it's always an opportunity

to grow into more parts of you and to see where you're shut

down and to see where your energy is attracting this very

situation that you're in. So, yeah, and another piece to the

loneliness story in you know in relationship, it's like women

that'll stay even though they're miserable. And I'm not saying

leave your relationship, like awaken your relationship to your

soul first, and then make the choice. Unless you're in an

abusive situation, in which case leave immediately. But part of

the problem is the fantasy of relationship, right? Oh, he's

single. Have you met anyone? Are you dating? Like it's like a

disease. It's a plague to be single, and there's something

wrong with you if you're single. And that's why I think the label

is so ridiculous, because everyone that's in relationship

or married, even if they're miserable, they're projecting

onto everyone that they need to be in relationship, and they and

all the single women feel shameful and and feel like

they've done something wrong, or there's something wrong with

them because they're single.

When your relationship status, first of all, has nothing to do

with who you are. That's just our brainwashing patriarchy.

Women, women used to not be able to survive without men because

we couldn't, we couldn't, we didn't even have bank accounts.

We like it was survive. We we were only in relationships for

survival. Now we don't need them. Now we're in them from

fantasy, right? So you get into a fantasy like, "Oh, I feel

lonely. Oh, there's my prince. He's coming to the tower to

rescue me. He's he's awakening me from my coma. He's like he's

you know rescuing me from this evil witch or whatever evil

stepmom. It's like you're being rescued by a man, and then all

of a sudden you live happily ever after, and then the movie

ends, and we just all assume that they live happily ever

after for real, but they don't, and that was your training about

relationship, right? In the very beginning, that was your

training. So you are thinking that one day a relationship, a

man, a prince, a someone is going to sweep you off your feet

and rescue you from your pain, from your financial struggles,

from your insecurities about yourself, from your not

believing you're beautiful or worthy or lovable. But actually,

it it will never satiate you long term because that wounded

little girl will still believe all of those things, no matter

who's in front of you. You can have the most loving partner in

the world, and if you're in your wounded self and you are not

home, and you're in you're in your critical little prison cell

of your mind, of your ego saboteur mind. You will not let

the love in. You can't let the love in unless you're home, in

your heart, in your soul, and you're open. You're not patterns

aren't leaving, leading. So that's why we can get even the

best relationships in the world and still feel lonely as fuck,

and then mad at our husbands because they're not making us

feel connected. No one can make you feel connected. If you're

not connected to your own heart and your own soul, you will feel

lonely everywhere you go. I promise you that. So, this is a

call to rise. This is a call from the universe to get to know

you, get to know your soul, get to know what lights you up.

Listen to it.

Don't listen to the fears in your mind, take risks, invest in

yourself, get support, go to retreats, go on trips with

people, go to dance classes with other humans, go do things where

you're connecting and you're meeting people and you're

following those curiosities. Even if your saboteur is like,

no, you suck at that thing. Oh, you could never do that thing.

You can do anything and everything. I promise you that

it is like infinite what is possible for us, but we've been

programmed to believe that it is not, and that you need to be in

a relationship in order to feel good, in order to be happy. And

you know what? I think relationships are amazing.

They're an extraordinary mirror to grow and evolve more, you

know, and to experience deep, deep intimacy. But if you are

not deeply intimate with yourself, if you are not coming

from your soul, you won't be able to receive deep intimacy

with even the most beautiful partner in the world. So it's

the it's the greatest investment you'll ever make is investing in

learning how to live from the beauty and magic of your soul,

from your sovereignty, from your heart, and learning how to truly

be in relationship with these smaller parts of you, but not

let them lead your life. So, I'm doing a starting over weekend

again. I actually don't have the page ready. I don't think maybe

it'll be linked below this episode. We'll see if I can pull

it together that fast. But if actually, you know what? This

isn't coming out until next week. I think it. I think it. It

might be below the episode. So you can sign up now, but it's

not for a few weeks. Actually, it's not for a month. It's

October 23 to 25th weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, two

hours each morning. It's $22, like super super low investment,

but it's a really beautiful. I did it last year, and it was so amazing.

It was so beautiful. Women that were starting over in

relationships, some women who broke up like five years ago,

but they're just ready to start over in a bigger, better way.

Women who are starting over in jobs, like so many people are

starting over right now. So it doesn't even have to be about

love. It's a really healing, deeply beautiful weekend where

there'll be some connection with other women and lots of

teachings on how to start over and how to start living from

your soul. So definitely join us for that weekend if you're

available. It's going to be two hours each morning if you're in

in Western time. It's going to be eight a.m. Pacific, Friday,

Saturday, Sunday, the 23rd to 25th of October. And tell all

your friends, anyone you know who needs to start over, who's

stuck in a relationship and is questioning it. Either like no

matter what, I a heroine came last year who was in a she was

in a questioning phase. She had a huge awakening, and ended up

coming to the immersion, and ended up working with me. And

then she only recently left to her relationship, very, very

recently. And so, yeah, sometimes you know it takes

time, but even just to start to build that internal strength,

that internal connection to your heart, to your soul, to

yourself, so that if you're afraid to leave right now, maybe

a year from now it won't be so scary, and I promise you it

won't, because it's only scary to the young parts of us, and

that's why we need to learn how to awaken the sovereign woman,

the heroine inside. Because if the young parts of you are

leading, like of course it's going to be scary to a kid to

leave a relationship or to you know to manage your finances, or

to you know walk into a boardroom meeting. Like whatever

you feel anxious and scared, there's a young part of you that

there that there that needs your love, needs your guidance, needs

your attention.

So I that's what I guide women to do to teach you how to become

the parent to that little girl inside, to become the divine

mama to that little wounded girl inside, so that you can start

living from the sovereign woman, and living a life that lights up

your soul. And it's a journey. It's not, you know, I I share

things like this every week in the New Truth, but it's a it's a

journey. It's a practice, and we have so many blind spots, which

is why doing it in community, doing it with support is

everything. So, and if you just feel a call, and you want to

have an exploration call about the immersion. I'll link that

below. There's a few spots left for the next year's immersion,

which is May 4th to 11th. I'd love to have a conversation with

you and just share more about that if you're curious about

this Eat, Pray, Love Soul Awakening journey, so that you

can start to not feel so lonely and alone. In your life, and

realize you're never alone. I never feel alone. I live alone

in a cottage. I never feel alone. I'm with people

everywhere I go. I'm with my angels everywhere I go. I'm with

myself, and it's a beautiful feeling. And I used to feel

incredibly lonely all the time. Actually, I used to not be able

to be alone for five minutes. Like I was alone, I would be on

the phone, or be texting, or be emailing. Back in the day, it

was pre social media. But I used to be so afraid of being alone.

So it's kind of funny that I moved to the other side of the

world, live in a foreign country, and moved here alone.

And yes, another funny thing I said to my friend who just moved

here today that like I have only met women who moved here because

of their husbands? I have not met one woman who moved here for

her own heart and soul except me, now my friend. It's a pretty

bold thing. Most women moved here because their husband's job

or they decided to be a better place to raise kids. Yeah, so

there you go. Follow your heart and soul. Go your own way.

It's not going to be like if you're going if you're going

against the grain, and your your life looks different than

everyone else's. Your small self will be like, "Oh no, we're

going the wrong way. So, why aren't we swimming the same

direction as everyone else? That's how you know you're on

the path of your soul because it shouldn't look like anyone

else's. If your life looks like everyone else's, your face looks

like everyone else's, your body looks like everyone else's, your

fashion looks like everyone else's, you're not home, and

you'll never feel satiated from that place. So, would love to

talk to you. See you on the starting over weekend. Maybe

have a conversation about the immersion. Love you so much.

Share this episode with every woman who you know needs to hear

it. You are not alone, Michael Jackson. Famous words: I am here

with you. Your angels are always with you. You are not alone. You

are supported and loved, and there are teachers everywhere to

help guide you back home. So it's time to show up for

yourself and take responsibility for that feeling of loneliness,

which simply means you're just trapped in your mind. That's it.

Period. Love you. Have a great rest of your week, and we'll

talk to you soon.