The Truth About Boundaries - And What You Need to Know to Transform Your Relationships

So, does a woman need walls? No. Does she need

boundaries? No. Does her heart need protection? No. You just

need a voice. You need to be rooted in your sovereignty. Is

sitting in your throne internally, being clear what

your gut says, what your heart says, what your body says,

listening to it, and you need to get yourself to a place where

you actually believe that that's what you get to have, and then

you lovingly communicate that truth. That's what we need more

of, rather than looking out there like, who do I need to

protect myself from? Who do I need to cut off from? Like, as

you evolve, if people are not meant to be in your life

anymore, they will fall away. And if they're still there,

there's a lesson for you. Still, there's more for you to learn.

There's more for you to uncover in yourself.

Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the New Truth Podcast. Kate

here. I am back in Nairobi. Although last week I was

probably in Nairobi in Kenya. I went away for a week up north, I

did some filming with this amazing man that's helping me,

supporting me in the growth of this work in the world, and had

an amazing, amazing trip up north, where a bunch of my

friends live up near Mount Kenya. It was a beautiful,

beautiful week. So I'm back here. Gosh, I was feeling the

other day. I was at my dance class, and I was like, "This is

the best life. I'm so grateful for this life. And I feel like

that's the place that we land when we fall. The only the only

way we can feel that feeling of like, "Oh my unbelievable

gratitude, where you're not forcing yourself to be grateful

like we were taught when we were kids, like be grateful for what

you have, but actually, like deeply, deeply connected to the

feeling of appreciation. I like that word even more than

gratitude. Deeply connected to the feeling of appreciation,

like appreciation comes from really living, and feeling, and

experiencing. You know, that's when you can't not you can't

help but appreciate everything. This morning, I was talking to a

butterfly, the turquoise one. I've told you about it before.

It's like this prettiest butterfly. It's like bright

turquoise with black lace. It looks like on it, and it's huge.

And there's so many butterflies here, but that one's I love them

all. But that one like just just does something to me every time

I see it.

There's more than one. I'm acting like it's my pet

butterfly, but you know, there's something about this life I sit

inside of that I'm like, wow, I am so grateful for all of it. I

love all the deep, deep, deep, rich friendships and soul

sisters and soulmate relationships I have in my life

in Greece, in in Canada, in California, in in the UK, in in

Europe, like all over the world, in Australia, and in Kenya now,

and I just love the community, you know. And I I community. I

think we often imagine just like one group that keeps growing and

growing, and and I really feel like my community is just like

collecting people. I we called actually the Reclamation

Facebook group the Soulmate Collective, and that's what it

feels like. Like when you're really a mate to your own soul,

and you're living from your own truth, not anyone else's truth.

New Truth Podcast about following your truth. It's not

about following my truth. It's not about following Catherine's

truth when she was facilitating with me or any other speaker I

have teacher I have on this podcast, but it's about like

what is my truth, and you can only know your truth. It like

unfolds one moment at a time when you really just start

paying attention to your inner world and your compass. That

feeling in your body of resonance, that feeling of your

body of expansion of of yes and no and um and and what lights

you up and so I was just in my dance class like damn I love my

life and I feel that deep love for my life because I created it

you know I kept saying yes to what felt good and like moving

to Kenya so I have a friend I think I maybe mentioned her on

my last episode.

She's moved here. She's a couple weeks in, and she's just like

this. She had this call to go to Africa, and she had this call,

and it made no sense. She'd never been here. She kept having

dreams for a long time, and specifically Kenya. And so she

reached out to me when she saw that I moved here and asked my

experience, and I raved about it because I again followed my

heart and soul. Doesn't mean everyone that comes here is

going to feel that way. It's my own compass, and her compass, I

guess, is similar. And so we were at breakfast this morning,

just talking about like how how we both feel this spaciousness

here, this this this this place where your labels no longer

exist where your identity no longer exists, and I think

that's the real path of of coming home to your soul.

Because the truth is, when you're rooted in your soul, like

I could say, I'm a teacher, I'm a coach, I'm a mentor, I'm a I'm

a daughter, I'm a whatever, but like I'm single woman, but from

the place of the soul. You are not any of those things, or I'm

a married woman, or I'm a divorced woman. Like we are, and

you obviously have heard me. If you listen to the podcast many

times, talk about this, like letting go of the label of

single, like how ridiculous that we carry around a label that

comes with a ton of baggage, that comes with a ton of

judgment and ridiculous notions that our relationship status has

anything to do with who we are in the world, who you are is

infinite, right? And the more you you follow your compass and

live from your soul, the less you identify with labels. Like I

was a pescatarian, but I wasn't really attached to the label.

But for many many years, like 25 years, and now I eat meat in

Kenya because my body.

I was recommended by my Chinese medicine doctor, and my body was

yes to it. And it's like now am I a meat eater? No, I'm just me.

Am I? And I am I a married woman? I'm not married, but no,

I'm just me. Am I? You know, am I a teacher? No, I'm just me,

right? I'm me, and I'm showing up here with you, hanging out,

sharing some things I've learned along the way, sharing some

things I care about and I'm excited about, and perspectives

and ideas, and you know, just in the expression of of the soul.

So yeah, anyways, I don't know. This is a long winded ramble. I

guess I always ramble in the beginning, but it just felt like

important to bring up today because we're we're we're so

limited by labels. That was our conversation at breakfast. My

friend's a therapist, and I'm a coach, teacher, whatever. And

I'm like, I I'm not a coach. I don't identify with that word. I

was at we were at a dinner for a friend's birthday last night,

and this guy was sitting next to me, and he was like, "So I heard

you're a life coach. And then my friend leans over, and she's

like, "She's not a life coach. She's a love coach, and she's

like my boyfriend calls her Doctor Love or Love Doctor

Doctor Love, Love Doctor. And I was like sitting there like,

ooh, it's so weird that we have these labels because I feel like

I'm none of those things. I'm just me, and I'm just doing the

things that feel good to me in the world. So, anyways, I

thought I'd offer that to you. I'm sure it'll be tied in

somehow to this week's episode, but I think it's an important

conversation. Like, what labels? Because labels are so limiting,

you know. And I think they're helpful in the beginning. Like,

okay, you go from being really scattered and can't find

anything, and they're losing things, and you're you can't

focus, and then you find out you have ADHD. Okay, it's helpful to

have the label at first, but then when does the label become

a box? Even human design, right? Even astrology, even everything,

because I believe that the ego saboteur mind will get a hold of

everything and then turn it into something that then controls and

limits you, right?

Because that part of you has been hired when you were a child

to limit you, to control you because guess what? When you

were a wild child, you were incontrollable. You were

limitless, right? You you were you were tapped in, tuned in,

tapped in to that limitlessness nature of our potential of our

souls, right? Our expression of our creations. We are limitless,

but we had to be plugged into the system that taught us

nothing but limit, even stranger danger. You know, like I think

how many people sit on airplanes and don't talk to strangers

because on some unconscious level that they've been

programmed to believe like you should be afraid of strangers.

And I think of like all the magical people I've met on

airplanes because I no longer subscribe to the stranger danger

belief. So yeah, these programs then just just create and morph

our reality and become limiting when when the saboteur ego gets

a hold of it, right? Because its job is to keep you small, to

keep you quote unquote safe, to keep you limited, to keep you

contained, to keep you in school, sitting in a chair all

day long, listening to a teacher, and don't speak unless

you're spoken to, right?

But that's actually so unnatural for the soul. So, anyways, just

circling back to, so my friend has been here two weeks, and

she's sitting with this, like, oh my god, like it is amazing

here, and she said it doesn't feel like a high, but it feels

like a calm and a spaciousness, and that there's this like

there's this open energy where and and you know we we're we're

not from here we're in a new place, so I'm sure that plays

into it too. But also it's the motherland. They say it's the

birthplace of humanity, northern Kenya and southern Ethiopia. So

there is a frequency here that I am tuned into, that she's tuned

into, and there is this spaciousness we feel to play

with infinite possibility. And I think there is also too

something to living in a different place, right? Like I

lived in Vancouver my whole life, so I was limited by the

version, I had become many different versions of myself in

Vancouver, and yet I was still limited by that place because it

was the only thing I'd ever known. I traveled, but always

going back to the same place. So for me to.

Explore and adventure and live in different cultures. Like I

feel like my growth trajectory. I've been on the the you know

self discovery, self inquiry, you know unlocking and

untethering from conditioned self journey for 20 years, and I

think that it really like sped up for lack of a better, you

know, term. There's no timeline, but deepened. I feel like my my

relationship to myself and to my soul deepened so much when I

moved to Greece. Actually, I moved to Costa Rica temporarily

first. Like went on some long stints. I was testing living in

Costa Rica because I had some friends living there, and then I

went to Greece, and it was all it was all it was all what's the

word? The catalyst was COVID, so that was a gift from COVID, and

so living in Greece for four years, and then now living in

Kenya, it's actually the one year anniversary this week of me

living here, and I just think like I've become so many

different versions of myself because I'm in this space, you

know, in experiencing these cultures where I'm getting to

learn so much from their cultures, and I'm getting to

grow and evolve so much from being in new land and a new

frequency and a new spaciousness that doesn't look anything like

my life looked. So there's something to that, you know. I

think that that I I feel like I said this quote recently, but if

you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what

you've always got. The definition of insanity is to do

the same thing over and over again and expect a different

result. Did I say that last week? I don't know. That quote's

been really up for me lately. It's funny.

I kind of circulate quotes that I like really live into, but

it's just like until we experience new places, new

cultures, new people, new new new opportunities, new growth

edges, new parts of ourselves. Like new, until we explore the

corners of that that that have been shut down and who we are,

we cannot meet the fullness of our souls because the soul

doesn't live behind a label. The soul isn't in a box. Oh God! And

then I think about relationships. Like we just want

to put it in a box. We just want to rush it to get it to the

finish line to to keep it safe so that we have it forever. And

then we've like killed the soul. Like your soul is living and

breathing and present and here And now, so yeah, the journey of

the new truth is is continuously letting every day be new, and

letting your truths evolve. My truths today are different than

my truths a year ago. Who who I am today is so different than

who I was a year ago. God, a year and a half ago, Catherine

said she she wasn't going to do the podcast anymore. Was it a

year and a half ago or two years ago? Wow, I think it's two years

in March. So yeah, about a year and a half ago right now, and

she will be on the podcast soon. But it's crazy to think when she

first told me she didn't want to be on the podcast, I was like,

no,

I don't want to do it alone. Like I can't do it alone. This

is our thing, and it just like my small self hijacked and was

like, I don't want this, and I cried my eyes out and let that

part of me throw a tantrum, and you know I felt it to the

bottom, and then I was like, okay, this is my call to rise.

This is my invitation from the universe. The universe is always

inviting us to evolve more and more and more, and yet the

program like teaches us just to be like same, same, same, same,

same. Like have a routine, do the same thing every day. Make

sure you like check all the boxes. Is like make sure your

life looks like everyone else's. Make sure you look like everyone

else, and yet your soul it doesn't look like anyone else.

It's not like anyone else's. There's no competition from the

soul. Your soul is so unique, and from that place, you'll

never feel jealous or compare yourself to anyone because

you're you, and no, there is no other you. Ah, okay. Anyway, so

that was my my little. I was gonna say tantrum. My little

just spark from the conversation this morning.

So grateful for this spaciousness and the the the

magic and the beauty of this like rich rich life. And it

doesn't come without moments of you know challenge and growth.

Of course, like we're always here to grow. But man, when you

follow the path of the soul, it's so inspiring and so

peaceful. It's so peaceful. So I wanted to have a conversation

today about boundaries because that word gets used so much. And

you know, I'm in this conversation a lot with the

women I work with because as soon as I hear the word

boundary, so I have this thing in my human design that is my

life's purpose is to like challenge old thinking and old

ideas and to flip them on their heads. And some people will like

agree and think it's a brilliant idea, and some people will think

it's crazy. I think it's called the freak to genius channel, and

that's my soul's purpose. And I feel that. Like with love, with

Botox, with everything, I'm like, wait, what's happening?

Like, I, I, I see things, and it's also, I guess, the gift of

the projector. I see things, and in in other ways, and I see

through things, and so this conversation about boundaries,

you know, I, I think about, kind of reminds me of like the waves

of feminism. Like, so when a woman goes with feminism. Like

we, we had to shatter glass ceilings.

We had to, you know, put on a man suit, put our elbows out,

and like get in the boys' club and you know compete with men,

you know, and somewhat like ditch the feminine sides of us

in order to be heard, in order to be seen, in order to have a

place at the boardroom table, right? A woman had to become a

bitch, quote unquote, because at the time we had no rights. So it

was a natural part of evolution that we had to throw out our

sensitivity and our intuition and our emotions and our you

know inner compass and all the magic of the feminine, our

sensuality, in order to have a place at the boardroom table,

right? In order to be have the rights that men have, and you

know, it's it's it's astonishing to me that there's still so many

places in the world where women do not have rights. Like my my

former partner is is football coaching right now in Saudi

Arabia, and I just-he's like devastated by all the repression

of women that still exists. And yeah, so so for all the women

around the world who are still repressed by where they're

living, this is for you, right? Because when we have choice and

we can choose sovereignty.

We heal the whole world, right? A woman standing in her truth is

the most healing thing in the world, and so we had to get a

little bit hard in order to be heard and respected and listened

to, right? And I think, and still in a lot of organizations

in the Western world, women aren't listened to. You know,

I've had so many conversations, but you know, I really believe

everything's a mirror. And if you're getting pushback at the

office, you know, I've worked with so many women who have men

putting their hands in their faces, and like a man will, you

know, a woman she'll say something is to give a

suggestion, it's not heard. Then a man will say the same thing,

and then it's heard and celebrated, and and so like

these things still happen. But you know, I really believe that

it it exists inside patriarchy. Exists inside these systems of

oppression live inside of us, and so if on some level you're

trying to prove yourself, you're trying to force yourself, you're

not being authentically who you are, right? Which we like I said

we had to throw the baby out with the bathwater to begin

with, so we had to get a little bit hard. And this is where I

feel boundaries come in. So we had to learn how to be

boundaryed, right? How to tell people how to treat us. Like we

had to fight for a place. But I believe that for for most women,

like we've evolved beyond that, and I think that this time in

the world, in evolution, in you know, with women around the

world who have rights to have a voice, to speak truth, to follow

their their hearts, to be fully who we are.

We, it is it is the time to reclaim what has been lost, and

it is the the time to start leading and relating and loving

and living from the truth of who we are. And the feminine is not

hard. I don't use masculine and feminine language very often,

but I'm going to for the sake of this episode, we all have

masculine and feminine within us, and most women have been

operating solely in their masculine, and so have men. So I

think that's why the world is so unbalanced right now, and there

is a big pendulum swing happening right now. There is a

reclamation of these lost parts. There is a reclaiming of the

feminine, and I think that feminism was masculine before it

had to be because we had to shatter old paradigms, and in

order to shatter old paradigms, we had to only rely on the

masculine to to get there. And yet, the truth of who we are is

incredibly strong and soft. Okay, I'm gonna get. I almost

said vulgar, but Mama Gina wouldn't like that. I'm gonna

get Mama Gina who wrote "Pussy" a reclamation. I'm gonna get

honest. Think about a woman's female parts. So I'm gonna. I'm

gonna use the word yoni. I really like the word yoni.

Mama Gina calls it the pussy, but your your your portal, your

feminine portal of Life. Okay, is your yoni? I like yoni. It's

a Sanskrit word for vagina pussy yoni. It's not even just that. I

think in Sanskrit it means it means like portal of life or

something like that. Actually, I should have researched this.

Somebody do the research, but. Anyways, you can look it up, but

I really like the sound and the feeling of that word, the

vibration of that word. So the yoni, do you believe that the

yoni is soft? You could probably feel her as soon as I said that.

Your yoni, your pussy, whatever you want to call that part of

you, is it soft? And is it strong? Is it fierce? Is it

powerful? Now, if you're a woman who's given birth, I bet you're

saying, "Fucking hell yeah! It's the most powerful thing on

planet Earth, right? Really, truly, I have goosebumps. I have

not given birth, but I believe that this part of a woman is the

most fierce, powerful, strong, tenacious aspect of any human or

any being, right? The feminine, like so powerful and so fierce,

can birth a fucking child, can can can grow a human inside and

then bring it into the world. Is that strong? But is it also so

soft and sensitive and tender? I did not plan for this metaphor.

It just came through, but it feels so important.

The truth about boundaries is bound. Think about the word

boundaries. Boundaries are walls, right? And yes, maybe we

needed them before because we didn't have the resources, we

didn't have the self awareness, we didn't have the tools, we

didn't have the the the rights yet. So we needed to put up

walls, right? We needed to protect, we needed to fight. But

now is the time of reclamation. We are at an incredibly potent

time on planet Earth where you can literally be anything. You

can create your life more, like everything. Like this idea that

you can co-create the life that you desire is more true now than

ever before. There is really no limit on what you can do and

what you can create. The only limits are in your mind. The

only limits live in your mind, in your programmed mind, and yet

you no longer need to walk around with walls around your

heart. I believe that that is part of the old programming, and

yet everyone is so liberated by this idea. Okay, not everyone.

You might be like, I'm not. Most people say who have like taken

you know gone to therapy and like started to like you know

speak up and started to finally speak their truth and and you

know say no to toxic relationships and all of that.

It's like okay, if that even if that was helpful for you in

phase one of your journey, great, it was helpful, but if we

stay there, the idea that we need boundaries with people, and

you know, a dear friend of mine used this word in a conversation

we were having-a conscious conversation-and it's like I can

feel the energy behind the word boundaries. It's protection for

sure, and your truth and your heart actually don't need

protection. You don't have to fight for your truth. You get to

just speak it and own it. You don't have to fight for it. You

can actually speak it with love and softness, just like your

yoni, but fierceness, just like your yoni. She's your she's your

new um your new role model, right? You don't have to fight

to speak your truth. You just get to own it. But if I feel

into the frequency of the word of boundary, what's underneath

it is righteousness. Right, it's like I need to set a boundary

because you are behaving in a way that I don't like, right?

You are the bad guy, and I'm the good guy. That's what

righteousness does. It creates separation consciousness, good

against bad, right? And this is like a very addictive cycle.

There's that persecutor, villain, victim, and what is it?

Persecutor, villain, vict. I guess the villain or victim. I

mean, no persecutor is the villain, the bad guy. The victim

is the one that's like, "Oh, poor me! I got to set a

boundary.

I'm the victim, and the and the savior is the person who gossips

with the victim and is like, "Yeah, you're being wronged. You

need to fight that person. You need to make them wrong. You

need to set a boundary, but the reality is that keeps you in

your small self. And I use the term "small self" to summarize

your saboteur, which is your survival self, your protective

mechanisms, your your your conditioned self that was

developed to protect you when you were a small child. Right,

that adaptive personality you developed to stay safe, to make

it through everything you didn't choose to do as a child and

didn't want to do, and every room you didn't want to be in,

but it keeps us in our small self. And and then underneath

the saboteur is always little wounded you, the little girl,

right? Very young versions of yourself that get activated, and

then we want to make other people. Bad. So this is like

what? This is the root. The root cause of gossip, right? Because

the saboteur ego loves righteousness. It's like candy.

It's like gasoline. If if your saboteur was a car,

righteousness is gasoline. It's fuel to the car. It's fuel. It

like is if, and I feel like it's.

I'm hearing the sound of a monster truck in the background.

It's like, like I'm right. And then you get, you know, the

funny thing is, you tell your friends any story, and for the

most part, people's friends will agree with them, right? So

you're talking about your ex being a monster, and he's so

wrong and bad, and you've been wronged, and you've been a

victim, and your friends are all like, "You're a victim. You need

to set boundaries. You need to, you know, whatever. And your

your friends are all agreeing with you. And guess what? His

friends are agreeing with him. Oh, she's crazy. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Another crazy one. His friends are agreeing with him.

That's the irony. It's like we train our little armies to

protect us, right? So our little armies are everyone else's

saboteurs because we have been raised in this paradigm. And

think about it: the righteousness, good and bad,

right and wrong narrative is everywhere. Watch the news,

watch a movie, watch a show, watch anything. Like it is

everywhere. Watch Instagram. Watch people take each other

down. Like there's so much righteousness. I watched this

woman do a video, and she had she had like hundreds of 1000s

of followers. And she did a video about what is that coach's

name? The woman with the number one podcast, Mel Robbins, and

she was like calling Mel Robbins out on not being aligned with

her work because of some little thing. And it's like this is

exactly it. It's the energy of like, oh, I'm going to spend all

my energy looking out there at what everyone else is doing

wrong.

Where are all the bad guys? I'm going to call them out. I'm

going to take all my life force energy, and I'm going to be the

police force calling out all the bad guys. Right? That's what we

were trained to do. Like when we were in kindergarten, we were

like taught to tattle tale on our friends, right? To like tell

on the bad guy and to blame someone, and there's always

someone to blame. Now, in this old, you can choose the old

paradigm, right? I'm not here to tell you what to do. Again, you

follow your compass. You follow what resonates. You follow your

truth, which is in your body. But in that old paradigm of

righteousness and blame, and I have to set a boundary and

protect myself against this person. I'm building a wall. I'm

as if women need more walls around our hearts. We have

enough walls. We don't need more. But I am reinforcing the

belief that they are wrong for being who they are. Now, every

single human on planet Earth comes to planet Earth for a

different purpose, a different soul mission, a different

saboteur mission. Some people perhaps are hired just to be

saboteurs. You know, like some of those political figures, or

like the highly triggering, you know, celebrities or whatever.

Like some people are just just come to this planet to shake

things up, and that is actually their role.

And then if you spend all your dinners and all your phone calls

and all your time bitching about that person and how wrong they

are, your saboteur is getting off on that. Yeah, getting off.

I said that, like, see, like pleasuring, like, like

masturbating. It's like they're getting off. Your saboteur gets

off on other people being wrong, and your saboteur is going to

look for all the people in your life who can reinforce that this

other person is wrong, and so that's what's underneath

boundaries. Like, I need to set a boundary. Often, it's like I

need to tell them how to behave around me in order to be close

to me, or I need to like cut them out of my life, or I need

to. And it doesn't mean you're meant to hang out in every room

with every person, right? Because people are in patterns.

But the new paradigm of life, of relationship, of living from

that sovereign woman, which is a practice. This is not a

destination; it's a practice. But the more you practice, the

better you get. Right? I've used the analogy of an instrument.

You're not going to be a pro at the beginning, but eventually

you'll get really good. Same with an athlete, right?

If you devote yourself to that thing, I think of my yoga class

this morning. I've been devoting myself to doing this Ashtanga

yoga, and today I almost did a handstand. I've got my headstand

nailed. I almost did a handstand, and I'm like so much

better and like a really artful, slow. You know, like if you know

yoga, it's like I'm I'm like really present with the

experience, and I'm almost able to fully be in handstand. Okay,

some yogis might be like, okay, that's basic, but for me, it's

not. And so it's like because I'm devoted, because I'm

committed, right? But it takes time, so we have to commit

ourselves to the new paradigm. But what the new paradigm looks

like is I take full responsibility. For everything,

because guess what, my loves? If anyone is the bad guy in your

story, anyone, and you will fight for someone being the bad

guy. You will fight for you. Like when I'm working with

women, like there is at least one person in every heroine's

life, every saboteur's life. Would they want to hold on to

that person being the wrong? But the reality is, they're

reflecting something in you. There is a message in in there

for you. There is a lesson in there for you. It is reflecting

a small part of yourself that's still there. It's reflecting a

you know perhaps a wound of yours. It's reflecting a

something some part of yourself you're shut down from.

They are your guru. Everyone that triggers you is your guru.

Truly, like if you could just sit in front of the mirror, this

is such a great practice, and you know this is part of some.

Like I teach this in my work with women, so it's like it's

it's not necessarily always easy. You might go to the mirror

and not quite get it. There's something really profound to

just sit with yourself in front of the mirror, and say

everything you want to say to that other person to yourself,

and notice what is revealed. Right when I do that, it's like,

oh my god, I'm making this person wrong, and I'm I'm mad at

this person for their behavior. But then I look internally, and

I'm like, oh, I'm internalizing their behavior. That's why I'm

mad about it. That's why I'm making them wrong. If I was in

my seat of sovereignty internally, I would just see

them as the them just being them. It's it's not my job to

dictate how other people live, how other people show up. It's

not your job, right? But we've been trained as kids to be

police. We've been trained to be the police officers and look for

all the baddies and spread the word and tell everyone about

them and make them wrong and put up walls and make sure that you

are, you know, that you that you protect your little heart from

all the bad guys out there, right? Even this, even all the

education now about narcissism.

It's like all of a sudden this huge trend of like teaching

about watch out for the narcissist, red flag, red flag,

watch out. They do this, they do that. But hey, my love, if you

are attracting people that are super selfish, that don't care

about your feelings, and are just like taking and taking and

taking and and and you know extracting and being in fantasy

with you in the beginning and then throwing you to the side.

Let's look in the mirror. What's your part? Right. You got swept

away, so you weren't following new truth principles of being

rooted in yourself. You got swept away by the fantasy too.

So, a that's one part. Perhaps you were shapeshifting. Perhaps

you were self sacrificing. Right. Perhaps you were you were

making the decision from fear and ignoring your gut feelings,

like you were a match to that dynamic. That dynamic is not

wrong and bad. It's a pattern. Everyone has patterns. Some

patterns look worse on paper. Some patterns are worse, right?

Some patterns are are are so much more painful.

But it is a very long, boring, crazy, dramatic life. Not

boring. It's actually opposite of born, very dramatic. You can

choose that. It's a very dramatic life if all your

attention and focus is on everybody else's behavior and

what they're doing wrong, and how they should be different,

and how you need to protect yourself from that kind of

person, and that kind of person, and that kind of person, and

that kind of person, and then you end up playing whack a mole

because you realize, as soon as you cut off from that kind of

person, you get another one in a different costume, right? It's

like you you don't need more walls. We have built enough

walls around our hearts. I'm going to bring in that Rumi

"Your task is not to seek and find love. Your task is to

seek and remove the barriers you have built within yourself

against love. That's what we're doing here: is removing

barriers, not adding more. So this idea that I need a

boundary-I mean, that word to me is just like screams at me.

Boundary. It's a wall. Like it. I do not need a wall around me.

But what I do need is if I'm sitting in the seat of

sovereignty inside of myself,

I need to be able to lovingly speak my truth, clearly speak my

truth. My my my dear friend yesterday and I were talking,

and she used the word an astrologer used it with her

brightly. An astrologer said, "Have bright boundaries, and I

was like, "Let's uplevel that bright truth, right? Because you

don't need walls, but like you can make your your truths

bright. You can make them loving. You can make them kind.

Whatever you can make them light. Whatever word resonates

with you, because your truth will be heard when it's crystal

clear. This is the thing. If people aren't respecting and

honoring your truth, you are not fully in alignment with your

truth. So that's where life is a mirror. It's such a cool,

amazing thing that life is a mirror. That everyone around you

that's activating you is mirroring something within you.

You know, this used to piss me off. So might piss you off. I

used to not like this because a part of me, sabotory ego, wanted

to still be. But when you are really rooted in your truth,

nobody can sway you from it, and you can kindly communicate it

because you're like, "I love you so much, and no matter what you

say, this truth is non-negotiable, right? And so

you don't necessarily say that out loud, but it's like you can

love and respect and honor people's responses. Like someone

might freak out to your truth; they might not like your truth,

and that's okay, right? To get to a place of like actually

allowing everyone to just be who and where they are, you know,

and speak your truth. So you know, let's say you're in a

relationship that feels really bad, and you want to end it.

It's like you don't need to put up walls, you don't need to cut

off, you don't need to put unless you're in danger. Okay,

if it's a psychopath, that's different, right? Like use your

discretion here.

But for the most part, what you need to do is to be clear, like

a like a sharp knife. Imagine a sharp knife. Um, what are they

called? A machete. You're holding a machete that's so

sharp, and you throw a scarf up in the air, and it comes down,

and it like cuts the scarf so quietly because it's so sharp.

That's the precision that you want to come from when you're

rooted in your truth, which means don't speak your truth. So

if you want to leave a job or leave a relationship, or you

know whatever the truth might be, say something challenging at

work that feels uncomfortable, or to your partner, or to a

friend. It's like when you're so clear in your truth, and you're

clear that your truth is your own, that it's not riddled with

blame, with attack, with judgment. Like if people are

reacting to you, most likely you're in your small self

communicating your truth. There's a part of you that feels

like you don't get to have that truth. There's a part of you

that feels like you have to fight for it. You have to like

convince people and arm wrestle people, but the reality is you

don't.

This is your life. You only feel that way because when you're a

child, you didn't get to speak your truth. You didn't get to

have your truth. You you probably spoke it, but you ended

up repressing it, twisting it, getting in trouble for it.

Right. So those that that program and that like fear still

lives inside of your body because of all the times when

you were young when you didn't have choice. Right. That's why

your saboteur is even there. She used to be your protector, but

now you get to speak your truth, no matter what. You might think

you don't, but you do. But here's what you want to clean

your truth is powerless if it's riddled in blame, or or or

shame, or like feeling like you're not allowed to speak your

truth, or proving, or forcing, or if you're not clear and

concise, like precise, I'm talking like a hummingbird's

tongue is so precise, it gets a nectar from a flower and it

doesn't even hurt it. It doesn't touch a petal. That's how

precise the tongue is of the hummingbird. Can you be that

precise with your words and your energy, right? So if you still

are in blame, do some mirror work. Go sit in front of the

mirror, and say all the things out loud. Then sit with it in

meditation. Like, what is mine? What is my part? I'm making this

person the bad guy.

So, what's my part? What am I doing? Like, what? How am I

contributing to this dynamic? And where am I not fully being

in alignment? Oh, I wasn't in my power. Oh, I gave my power away,

thinking my power was in the hands of my partner or in the

hands of my boss. Even the word "my boss" it's like unpack that

for a second. That's dysfunctional. Like, why are

they your boss? You, no one's the boss of you. I always, when

I'm working with heroines, I always have them call their boss

by their names instead of saying my boss because it's such a

disempowered word. It's like instantly I'm small and you're

above me. That's patriarchy, right? No one's the boss of you.

You're the boss. You're the you're you're in charge now,

right? But but that training comes from oh my teacher, my

doctor, my mom, like my babysitter. Everyone's like in

charge, and I'm not in charge. And of course, as a child, you

can't be because it's not safe. But now you are, and you get to

be. So, if there is any energy of like feeling like you have to

convince or prove or force, or you know you don't get to have

this truth, that's what you need to work out on your own. That's

what you need to, and this is what I do in my work with women.

Like, call me, let's talk. If this is something that you're

ready to grow into, but you go feel the feels, rage it out,

express it out.

Like let that part of you be met and heard and felt the small

self by you, not by that, not by the person you're going to set

quote unquote boundaries with, right? Let that part fully

express, hold it, love it, see it, and then come back to

sovereignty. What is my truth? If it weren't for X, Y, and Z,

if it weren't for all these stories, all these narratives,

all these projections I'm having on this thing, what is my

unwavering truth? And it's always there, and it's always

clear. It's like, okay, that's my truth, and so now I'm going

to lovingly communicate it. Thank you so much. I love you so

much. And this relationship has taught me a lot, and I am

crystal clear that it is complete for me. And you know, I

trust that that's the best for both of us. And I love you, and

hope we can maintain a connection or whatever. That's

you know, obviously, if it's a long term relationship, maybe

the conversation is bigger than that. But the the most important

thing is that the truth is in the middle, and it's clear. It's

not muddled with excuses and reasons and justifications. And

your truth is only heard when it's clear, and it's only

received when it's lubricated. I'll say that again: your truth

is only heard when it's clear, and it's only received when it's

lubricated, what do I mean by that? That the the answer in the

middle, like this, is complete. It is a no for me. I won't be

attending. Whatever the no is, is in the middle.

But then there's kindness and love on either side. You know, I

learned a lot from this relationship. Um, you know that

I have whatever whatever the kindness is. I'm like you. Only

you know whatever the the the the love that you want to

express is, and the truth is clear in the middle. So, does a

woman need walls? No. Does she need boundaries? No. Does her

heart need protection? No. You just need a voice. You need to

be rooted in your sovereignty. Is sitting in your throne

internally, being clear what your gut says, what your heart

says, what your body says, listening to it, and you need to

get yourself to a place where you actually believe that that's

what you get to have, and then you lovingly communicate that

truth. That's what we need more of, rather than looking out

there like, who do I need to protect myself from? Who do I

need to cut off from? Like, as you evolve, if people are not

meant to be in your life anymore, they will fall away.

And if they're still there, there's a lesson for you. Still,

there's more for you to learn. There's more for you to uncover

in yourself, and more. But I, I, one of my favorite things. I was

just saying to my girlfriend this morning at breakfast. One

of my favorite things in the work I do with women is watching

how the people in their lives change. Like it is unbelievable

to me.

Still, I'm still blown away by the most unexpected characters,

like the the like super emotionally repressed mom or the

you know like crazy ex hus narcissistic ex husband or

whatever this story whoever the character might be in their

story, it's like these people were just hired by you in your

movie to play these roles, and if you try and just cut out the

role, another character is going to come in in different outfit,

and like they're here to teach you something. Like what an

empowered perspective, right? Rather than than to just think

like, "Oh my God, I'm surrounded by bad people. I need to get rid

of this person and that person. It's like they're here to teach

you something. And until you've really learned your lesson and

you've got the medicine and you've alchemized and you've

become whoever you need to become in the face of learning

that lesson, until you've really got the lesson, they'll be

there. And then when they're not meant to be in your life,

they'll fall away, and in many cases, they'll transform. Like

it is absolutely the people who are meant to transform with you

will, and it's mind blowing. Really, it's because the mind

can't even comprehend it because it's like it's energetics,

right?

If I'm no longer participating in this dynamic, then this

dynamic cannot exist, so I can blame you for the dynamic. But

until I change my part completely, like really

alchemize and change how I'm showing up inside of this

dynamic, I own my part. I heal and love those younger parts of

me and my protective mechanisms, and I come from that seat of

sovereignty. Until I do that, until I take that level of

responsibility, nothing can change. But when I do take that

level of responsibility, magic can happen. It's unbelievable.

Like people who have never done any self reflection, never done

any work on themselves, have no, you know, and and they change

drastically because someone they love has changed drastically,

and it that dynamic naturally awakens them too. It's so

beautiful, and how much more powerful? Like the old paradigm

just leaves us powerless. If I'm a victim, or I'm like painting

someone as the villain, or I'm you know trying to rescue

someone from their villain, like we're just keeping each other

stuck. We're keeping each other in this place where life is just

hard and dramatic and painful, and and and that storyline will

never end. Right? There's always going to be someone you can

paint as the villain. There's always going to be someone you

can make wrong, right? Some place where you can build a wall

because you believe this other person is bad.

But it's so powerful and so profound when and your life will

change so much when you're like, I'm the creator of my reality.

I'm the co-creator, like. In the universe, me and God, me and the

divine, right? We are creating an amazing life, and in order to

do so, I've got to clean up my side of the street, and that is

the only thing I'm responsible for, and the only thing I have

control over. You know, even if you're a parent, you're not

responsible for your kid's journey. You're responsible for

their safety while they're living under your roof, but

you're not responsible for their journey. They are on their own

sovereign soul journey too, right? How many of us were

programmed by our parents like living out their dreams because

they didn't live out their dreams? Like trying to like that

is not your job. Your only job is to live your life, is to

follow your compass, to follow your heart, and to let your

heart lead you to the magical places that you're meant to go.

You are not here to to to to point the fingers and see what

everyone else is doing wrong. What a waste of your life! You

know you can, like I said, take it or leave it. You can choose

that path because that part of you, you know, is in survival

and is still trying to feel safe in the world, but it will never

feel safe. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You'll

never feel good inside of that place. It's a fantasy. It's an

illusion.

But when you come home and clean up what's happening inside of

you and how you're perceiving situations and owning your side

of the street, and the willingness to sit in front of

the mirror, which is vulnerable and brave. But when you're

willing to be that vulnerable, that brave, and see like how

you're contributing to this dynamic and what you can do

different, so the dynamic can release and alchemize and shift

into something else. That is when you get to live a life

beyond your wildest dreams that lights up your soul, you know

that's been my quote on my website. Actually, you can go

look at my website, The Unscripted Woman. We've been

tweaking it lately, and I feel like it's looking real

beautiful. But on the website, I've always had the statement:

"A life beyond your wildest dreams is waiting for you, and

it's so cool because I wrote that statement, and I was living

a cool life. I was traveling a lot. I was, you know, doing

retreats in Greece, immersion, not really retreat intensives in

Greece. I was, you know, going to many places. I was growing a

lot. I was working on myself. I was living in Vancouver, dancing

and musicals, and la la la.

So it was a really amazing life at the time, but now I'm like,

oh my god, my life is so wild, like way beyond my wildest

dreams. So I love that. That's a statement. A life beyond your

wildest dreams is waiting for you, and all you have to do is

take responsibility for your part. Take responsibility for

the wounded little girl inside who needs your love, not anyone

else's? She doesn't need to be right. That makes her feel good

for five seconds, and then she feels horrible after, and worse.

And then she hates everyone, is trying to cut everyone off, and

thinks everyone's wrong and bad. And then she feels isolated, and

then she feels alone. Like that is self abuse to that little

girl. She needs your love. She needs your safety. She needs to

know that that that you got this, and then when you let that

sovereign woman lead, and you let your soul lead, your life

will be wild beyond. Or what was what's the statement? Living

beyond your wildest dreams. Your life will be beyond your wildest

dreams because which it's beyond because you can't even see. I

didn't know that I wanted to live here.

I didn't know that I wanted the life that I'm now sitting inside

of. Only my soul knew, right? So this is what's available to you

and is possible, but you have to choose it. So as always, send

this episode to every woman who you know needs to hear this

message, who maybe has some walls around her heart, and you

know, is ready to like really live from love. Love is who we

are. We're meant to love the world. We're not meant to hate

the world. But we're we're think about how many hate hateful

messages we we that infiltrate our subconscious mind every day

from media, from social media. For there's just hate

everywhere. Like I remember this when Donald Trump won the

election, and someone wrote a comment on Facebook that was

like, "No, hate won, hate won the election, and I was like,

"This comment is rooted in hate. You're doing the same thing. You

are not here to hate the world. You're here to love. That's the

truth of who you are.

And I'll tell you that over and over again till one day you

believe it. If you don't believe it right now, if it just sounds

like a cheesy statement that you can't quite grasp, it is the

core of who you are. It's the truth of who you are. And the

Beatles were right. All we need is love. That's what we need.

But we cannot be the love until that little girl inside of us

feels safe. And the little girl inside of us, and boy, for the

guys listening, but the little girl inside of us will only feel

safe when we give ourselves that love and stop looking for it

outside ourselves, and stop trying to make everyone else

wrong, and stop trying to blame, and stop trying to protect, and

stop putting up boundaries and walls. You do not need

protection. You just need to come home and live from the

truth of who you are. Love you lots, and I'll see you next

week.