The #1 Thing That Makes Relationships SO Hard

So, if you're single and you're waiting for

that guy with all the things, and you've got this long laundry

list of what you desire, burn it, throw it out. You don't need

to know what you need. All you need to know is to live from

your soul, and then you attract soulmates. You don't need to

have a list, you don't need any list, because you will know when

something's aligned and it feels good until it doesn't, but if

you're trying to get a guy to have everything for you, that's

why the list is so wrong, because it just externalizes the

fantasy, and it doesn't matter if it's a conscious fantasy or

not, that list is hurting you.

Hello, my loves, welcome to the New Truth Podcast. How are you,

Habari Asabuy, Habarim Jana, wherever you are in the world.

Okay, one of those meant good morning, and one of them was

good afternoon. I don't know how to say good night in Swahili, I

can't remember, Habari Yakko. No, that means how are you? Just

practicing my Swahili. I had another Swahili lesson

yesterday, it's coming along. I keep thinking I don't know much,

and then as soon as I'm on with my teacher, I know so much more

than I thought I knew. So this is a message for you, a message

that you can do hard things, in the famous words of Glennon

Doyle, and probably many people before her, also, you know, I

didn't think it was possible for me to learn a language, because

I don't really have a language, I never learned one, English was

my only language, other than, like, very minimal French, I

know a lot of French words just from taking it in school when I

was a kid, but I didn't really have good teachers, so I didn't

have a language, and then moving to Greece, I picked up so much,

and then moving here and having a teacher. I'm, I'm really

learning it, and so it's cool when you can do something you

didn't think you could do, like, wow. And also, I noticed, I

think I said, maybe I shared this last week, I don't know,

but like, every single frickin' time I have a lesson, I want to

cancel it, I want to message my teacher and be like, oh, I have

a busy day, I'm tired, let's do it another day, I'm traveling,

but I notice it's the same as that dance class I used to take,

where my mind wants to take me out, but then every time I do

it, I make progress, I feel successful, I feel happy, it's

fun, we laugh, so yeah, just as a public service announcement to

try new things, because we are infinite, and when you tap into

the quantum universe of what's possible, we just live in these

tiny little boxes of limitations, and if your

saboteur is at the helm of your life, right, aka the conditioned

self, the voice in your head, all of your patterns, and you're

just believing your small self, and you're believing your

fear-based stories, and you're believing the fantasies of what

your life's supposed to be, or should look like, or what you

should look like, or where you should be on the timeline, blah

blah blah. If that is what is keeping you in captivity, if

that is what is running your life, you are in captivity. And

I heard someone say it on a podcast the other day. It's like

a self-hypnotic program, where we're just programming ourselves

over and over and over again. Someone else has been

programming us a long time, plus, like movies, like I told

you, I think, last week, about being on the airplane on my way

back to Nairobi from France, and I was just sitting there, kind

of in a meditative state, just observing people's TV screens,

and like, oh, that show's very dramatic, looks really intense,

and that show's really violent, and that show's really.. I can't

remember if I said this to you last time, but it was a really

profound moment, because I can't watch shows anymore, right now.

I mean, I'm not saying it's forever, but I, and I know I've

told you this before, but it's fascinating. I used to love

watching shows. It used to be like, as a projector, it would

be a great way to relax, and now all I see is the programming,

like the tapes that keep us in fear, that keep us in fantasy,

that keep us from having and being and doing everything that

we have the beautiful, extraordinary privilege of doing

in this lifetime on planet earth, like there's so much

possibility before every single one of us, and yet if we're just

stuck in the program and we're believing the program and we're

never exposing ourselves to any other possibility, like I mean,

you're here, at least you're listening to another program

here, this is other possibility, but if we're like, you know,

your day all day long, you're just listening to some music

that's programming you, and you're watching shows that are

programming you, and you're watching social media, and

you're watching the news, and you're following politics, and

all day long you're just immersed in the program, who are

you? And we wonder why we feel bad. Well, no wonder. When I was

sitting there on the plane, observing all these people like

that is creating feelings inside of them. We think it's a way to

check out, but actually it's planting more seeds. Your

subconscious, it's creating more hypnotic programming, and then

you become the hypnotic tape, right? You're as long as you're

allowing your saboteur to just be in charge, you are the tape,

and you're just playing the tape over and over again, believing

the tape to be true. And so I was listening to this thing the

other day, and it was like, what if you were to program yourself

with something completely the opposite, like of the infinite

possibility of everything you desire, but not having the

things, but actually expanding into the feelings and starting

to expand into the life of infinite possibility. To imagine

every morning, like Joe Dispenza had has these.. I'm actually

creating some meditations for my clients that are similar to Joe

Dispenza, but aligned with becoming the heroine of your

life, but Joe Dispenza has them on Spotify and YouTube. These

meditations, morning and evening, where you're imagining

your future self, and every morning and every night before

bed, you do these meditations where you're embodying the

feeling of what it feels like to walk through the world as that

woman who has a life that lights her up, who has so much love in

her life, she can barely contain it, who has, or she doesn't just

need to contain it, who has, you know, intimacy and trusting

relationships, and expansive conversations, and amazing,

magical people, and incredible opportunities, and so much

abundance, like there is so much possible, and it's really just a

video game. This, this experience on planet earth, like

it is a simulation, and your simulation is a byproduct of

who's running the show. Is your saboteur in charge of your life?

Is the conditioned version of you in charge, and you're

constantly berating yourself, or you're constantly blaming other

people and holding yourself hostage, or you're blaming your

job or your husband and staying in purgatory. Should I stay or

should I go? And you're holding yourself hostage. So, anyways, I

wasn't planning on speaking of the saboteurs and the

conditioned self, but as I speak to all of this, I think I

mentioned last week that I'm going to do, I'm bringing back

the Expanded Love Masterclass, but it's going to be a

high-level version of it, and it's going to be three days

instead of five, it's going to be more condensed, two hours per

day, and I last week, I think I said earlier, June, but I've

chosen the date, june 19 to 20-first, that feels the best,

June 19 to 20-first, 20-first is the summer solstice. Think it's

the longest day of the year, is it? I said that with

apprehension, because I'm not 100% like it's not the shortest

day of the year, is it? I don't know. Anyway, summer solstice,

think it's the longest day of the year. So that weekend is

going to be the expanded love masterclass, so three. It's

going to be 8am Pacific, two hours each day. I will start

promoting it soon. You'll be able to find it on my social

media. The page is not ready yet, so that's coming. But I

just want to plant the seed now, so maybe block it off in your

calendar for two hours each morning at eight Pacific,

because we're going to be going really deep into the saboteur

and how it affects every facet of your life, not just love. But

most people are just living in this robotic program of

limitation and believing it to be true, and then reinforcing it

with their friends, and then you know, going around and

complaining, and the friends are like, I know economy sucks,

yeah, the, the, the politics suck, yeah, the this, that, and

the other, and everyone's just reinforcing everyone else's

limitations and keeping everyone else in fear, and then I think

of my life, I'm like, my life is so expanded, and I'm only

surrounded by people who are expanded, and like, because when

you are that, you become a magnet to it. So I have these

extraordinary souls in my life. I just had a second astrology

reading with Amrit Sandhu, who I'm having on the podcast very

soon, we're very excited. We're recording next week. This man is

a really special soul. He has a podcast, a podcast and YouTube

channel called Inspired Evolution, and I really love

watching his interviews. He's such a light. And we just did

our second reading on my birthday, so I guess the last

time we spoke was the day before my birthday, and you heard it on

my birthday. Thank you for all the love. I got so many messages

from you. All had the best birthday, starting with a 6:30am

reading with Amrit about my solar return. What my focal

point for the next year? One of them was growing my community

bigger, so that involves you. That's exciting. One of them was

my big, big focal point for the year is deepening in my

spiritual practices, which makes makes sense, and I've been now

called to go take a group of women to Egypt, coming up in

2027 so it feels like that's connected to this deepening of

my spiritual practices and and my connection to other worlds

and all of those things, so yeah, it was a really, really

powerful start to the day, but I just think, like, you know, I've

now had two readings with him. I'm having him on the podcast.

He's this magical being, and I'm like, cool. Like, I used to

watch his YouTube channel, now he's in my sphere. And I just

like have so many people like that in my world who are up to

amazing things, who are literally like changing the

planet, but not from. Feeding the problems or challenging the

fear or challenging the narratives of what exists

already, but building a whole new world. Like, there are a lot

of people right now, you might not see it, because it certainly

is not on mainstream media, but there are a lot of people

building a new world, and we're in such a poignant - trying to

say two words at once - poignant, potent time, and

evolution, and it's exciting to be here. Someone in an interview

with Emirate called it the Great Awakening, and that's totally

what it feels like. It's an exciting time to be here. It's

an exciting time to be on purpose. It's an exciting time

to spread love, to spread inspiration, to uplift each

other. It's like COVID, you know? I think about COVID times,

people were either dragging each other down and reinforcing more

fear and more policing, more control and more fear mongering,

right, doing the good, good deed, good job of the media and

the government, and like becoming, you know, the army for

them, or people were spreading love, or people were starting

new projects, starting new life purposes, starting new YouTube

channels and TikTok channels. Like, think about all the people

that created tremendous success through being creative and

expressed during Covid, right? It's like you go one of two

ways. You take this news, hey, you're locked in your house and

you can't go anywhere, you have to stay six feet away from all

humans, and you can't be with anyone, and you're in isolation.

You have to wear a mask, you have to hide. Like, I mean, God,

has anyone ever unpacked how dysfunctional that whole

situation was? Anyways, this is not about that, but like that

happened, and when that happened, people went one of two

they went into the crazy fear-mongering train, or they

created a whole new world, and that's what I did. The

masterclass was developed in Covid. The podcast took off

during Covid. The reclamation was designed during Covid and

launched, so I moved to Greece during Covid. Like everything in

my life changed and expanded astronomically during that time,

so this is not remotely about what the topic today. However,

I'm sure it's connected, because it always is. This is just my

opener, but we have so much more choice than we could ever know.

So, where are you putting your attention? Where are you putting

your energy? And this definitely affects your relationships.

Yeah, actually, I can see that. I can see the tie now. You know

how many people are suffering in relationship because their

energy and attention is on their partner and their partner's

behavior, and what he's doing wrong, and why he.. I say he, if

it's a she, you fill in the blank, he's doing wrong what he

needs to do different, how he needs to be better, how he might

be the wrong person for you. Like, where are you putting your

attention? Sister, this is your opportunity, and your year to

rise. This is your opportunity to to follow your own compass

and to take full responsibility for your freaking life, whatever

you are experiencing in your life right now, you know you

might have had some trauma in your life, and of course, all of

us have been repressed, and you might have been through a lot of

hard things, but it doesn't matter what you've been through,

your soul is drawn to podcasts like this, and to awakening, and

to working with healers and coaches and guides and teachers,

because you're meant to experience something else on

this planet. Your soul chose this lifetime to evolve, right?

That's why you're here. Otherwise, you would not be

remotely drawn to this podcast. So you're here to evolve, which

means the only way you're going to evolve is if you take 100%

responsibility for your side of the street, you cannot change

other people, you cannot control the politics, even if you vote.

I'm sorry, you have no control. You cannot control the world

around you, you cannot control your children, you cannot

control your husband, you cannot control your friends. You are

not responsible to right, your saboteur will tell you

otherwise. Your saboteur will keep you in all sorts of juicy

stories about how right you are and wrong everyone else is, and

that is a prison cell, my friend. That is a

life-fulfilling prophecy. Your saboteur might try and cut

people off and go find new people, but guess what? Wherever

you go, there you are, you and your patterns are going to come

with you, so it is time. My friends, Rafiki, Rafiki is

friend in Swahili, that was a character in The Lion King.

You're this is an opportunity for you, Rafiki, to up level

your life, to up level your relationships. So, the number

one thing that makes relationships so freaking hard,

and I've actually boiled it down to three. This title is the

number one thing that I've got three things, but they're all so

connected. So I'm going to say the number one thing is being

externally focused. Actually, that's not what I wrote down. I

jotted down three three points, but it's really the external

focus, but the to bring. It down into three points. The first one

is women try to get everything from their man. Again, if you

are into women, I celebrate that, and it's the same thing,

right? There might be some nuances here, but women are

trying to get everything from him, aka wishing their man was a

woman, right? You could just switch teams, but I see it over

and over and over again. It's like, you know, the number one

complaint men have in relationship that I've heard

over the last 20 years is nothing I ever do is enough. I

don't know how to do this relationship. Literally, she's

never happy, she's never satisfied. It's never enough.

I'm never enough, aka she's trying to externally source.

She's trying to get him to be everything to her, and to be the

perfect partner, and to be the perfect mate on paper, and to be

the perfect husband, and to meet her every need. Right? She goes

to her therapist, and they're like, we got to work on your

needs and get your partner to meet your needs. No, your

partner is not responsible for your needs, and if he is, guess

what? There is a little girl in charge of that relationship.

That's the old paradigm most people are trapped in. The old

paradigm, most people don't know that there's a totally empowered

way to be in relationship that comes from sitting in your seat

of sovereignty within yourself, that comes from being so rooted

in who you are and full in your life and full in yourself, that

you need nothing when you're in a relationship. You take

responsibility for your own needs. Does that mean you don't

have feelings come up and you share them with your partner?

Let's say he has a habit that you know has an effect on you

and you share your feelings. If you share your feelings, and his

behavior changes naturally over time, because he's like, "Oh,

actually, I don't really need to do this thing. Cool, but he's

not responsible for making you feel better. He's not

responsible for changing himself, so that you don't feel

bad, so that you don't get triggered, right? But that's

what we think. I need to set boundaries inside of this. I

hate that fucking word, you know that I have to set boundaries

inside of this relationship, so I get my needs met. Okay, set a

little seven year old, you are not your partner is not

responsible for your needs, nor do you need to put up more

walls, nor do you need to try and control his behavior, and

guess what, it never works, never ever ever. What does it

do? Creates more animosity in relationship, more resentment,

more suffering, more waiting for the person. Like, okay, we went

to therapy, he said he was going to change, he promised the

therapist he was going to do all. And this is not to put down

therapy, this is like, bless everyone who's out there helping

people. What I'm talking about here is a new paradigm of love

that a lot of people don't even know exists, so this is about

like that, so people go to couples therapy, and I have so

much info, like I've heard so many stories from my clients

where they're like, my partner, like, promised he would do this

for me, and you know it's a need I have inside of our

relationship. I need him to behave like this, so I feel

better. That is a setup 100% of the time, because guess what, he

might be a good little boy for you for a little while, but he's

not going to keep it up, because guess what, it wasn't coming

intrinsically from him for him, right? Versus let's say

something happened. Okay, I'll give you an example. Let's say

you're having, like, you're having sex, okay? This would be

crazy if this happened, but let's say you're having sex, and

your partner answers their phone, because, like, work sends

a text during sex, and that really activates you, okay? So,

you could bring it in two ways. You bring it to him and say, I

have this need for you to be present. I have this need for

you to behave like this when we're, when we're intimate.

Otherwise, I don't trust you, okay? Right. And that's like, on

some level, this man is hearing, I'm your mom, and I need to

control you, so I feel better. Okay? Or you can share later,

after you've processed your activation, your heart is wide

open, you're rooted in yourself again, and you say, "My love, I

love being intimate with you. It's my favorite part of the

day, and it would mean the world to me if we could turn our phone

off for that time we have together. I noticed when you

answered your call, which I totally understand, I noticed

that you answered the phone, and it really hurt. I felt like, oh,

I felt uncomfortable, I felt weird, I felt, I felt hurt by

it. And I just wanted to share that with you. And I started

with, it would mean the world to me. Kate, he may or may not

reciprocate, right? He may or may not listen. It's not this is

just sharing a desire, right? It's much softer, and it's also

sharing your vulnerability and your feelings, and the

tenderness of how that moment felt, without attacking him,

without blaming him, without telling him how to be so. There,

your partner is going to be so much more likely to hear you

when you're in that soft place. And you've moved through the

activation and you're just sharing the feeling, is it? You

can even say, like, I noticed when this happened the other

night, I imagine you were, you know, you forgot to turn your

phone off, or imagine you were super stressed about that thing

at work, and see what he has to say first, and then just say, I

would love to share how it felt, this is what came up for me, and

then just see how he meets you, right, and how your partner

meets you when you're sharing vulnerable feelings without it

coming from trying to control him, trying to change him,

trying to manipulate him, right. There's all these sneaky ways

your saboteur is going to do your relationship and do these

conversations, even can take my words and twist them and turn it

into a saboteur version of everything I just said, but what

is truly coming from your sovereignty? You're rooted, your

heart is open, you're not attached, you're not trying to

change him, you're just sharing how it felt in a desire that you

have. He is going to be so much more likely to hear you and to

care for you, and to perhaps adjust some behavior because he

cares so much, right? So that's what people need in

relationship, is to create more experiences where they're

meeting each other in an intimate way, rather than a

confrontational way, or a manipulative way. Or this is why

the expanded love masterclass is so important, because your

saboteur will manipulate to get her needs, quote unquote, met,

and she's manipulating to get that wounded little girl's needs

met, and that's what happens when we set boundaries, when we

communicate our needs, and try and get our partner to do to

change our behavior, so we feel good. That's what happens. So,

so much more connection, and love, and intimacy, and

tenderness and honoring of each other is possible when you

soften, when you take responsibility for your

feelings, when you just share your vulnerability without

attachment to him changing his behavior, and then you notice

over time, right, a man that deeply loves you will adjust if

he has some like unhealthy behaviors that are kind of

weird, like answering the phone during sex, or whatever, like he

will shift, but not because you changed him. So that's part of

the problem, is like women are trying to change men, and one of

the things that I see over and over and over again is women are

trying to make men like women, and trying to get the needs met

that they actually need from themselves and from their

sisterhood, from a man, and part of this is the fairy tale that

is turned into, so it used to be like a prince that's going to

come rescue you from the tower, and he's going to save you and

pay all your bills, and now the fantasy is like, oh, and he's

conscious, and he's enlightened, and he's awake, and he's going

to be a divine masculine presence for you at all times,

and and he's gonna be the banks of the river, where, well,

you're the flow, and you get to surrender and relax into your

feminine, because he's got you, girl, and la la la, like the new

version of the fantasy is the spiritual conscious man, it's

the same fucking thing. It's like we are trying to, we're

putting everything on paper, trying to, trying to carve out

this perfect person. PS, there's no perfect person, and you can't

get everything from one person, and that's the setup, right?

From such a baby age, we're little princesses watching

Disney, going, "Oh my god, one day I'm gonna give up my voice

to meet a man, and I'm gonna leave behind everything I've

ever known to go in his world, and, and I'm gonna, you know,

I'm gonna be in a coma, and but I'm gonna be saved by a man one

day, he's gonna rescue me and wake me up, or I'm gonna fall in

love with my with my captor. I'm gonna be a prison in a castle,

and I'm gonna be.. I'm gonna fall in love with the monster

who captured, like, what? Okay, that was our programming when we

were little, and it was all about we finally got to live

happily ever after when the man showed up. Okay, you might be a

badass corporate businesswoman who's like, 'I don't need a man,

that fairy tale didn't affect me. It did. I promise you, I

don't care where you sit on the fairy tale fantasy line. You

might think you're not a fantasy love addict because you didn't

dream about a white dress and a big wedding, or whatever fantasy

is ingrained in our culture more than ever before, because of

social media, because we're like, we're no longer in the

present moment, just living life, we're like constantly

being brainwashed, because we're constantly on phones, constantly

watching TVs, constantly having these devices brainwash us as to

what life is supposed to be, and what we're supposed to have, and

what we should be pursuing. So, on some level, you've been

taught that this guy is going to show up one day, and then you're

going to feel good, and now the conscious movement has has

painted the picture of the ideal relationship. I've seen so many

spiritual teachers get into a new relationship, and all of a

sudden they're like. Like now I'm a love expert. Look at my

relationship, it's the most divine love ever. I finally

found my conscious loving man. And okay, I'd say this with

love, because this saboteur is sneaky. It's like, okay, I've

reached the arrival point, this is the thing I was looking for.

And then what happens is they, it breaks down, and eventually

you're like, oh shit, it's the same thing, different. And then

that, I mean, everyone that I've witnessed do this has their own

awakening through that process, but it's the same thing, looking

to be rescued on some level. Now it's like, I want to be in my

feminine, so I need a divine king to show up, and so be in

his masculine. My love, what you need is to be the divine king

and queen inside of you, to show up for yourself in ways that you

wish a man showed up for you, to romance yourself, to love

yourself, to soften into your heart, to feel your pleasure, to

feel your intuition, to follow your intuition, to feel your

sensuality and your feelings, and live in that, those soft

feminine parts of you, and to be the banks of the river and to

take inspired action and to be courageous, like there's all of

these things that will allow you to become the king and queen,

and when you are full inside of yourself, when you are, have

like truly, and this is a, it's a practice, but when you've

truly met yourself within yourself to the point where

you're not lacking anything, and you know this is not even going

to make sense to some of you, but I sit here in the seat of

sovereignty as a sovereign woman who was in a relationship but

felt the same as I do when I'm on my own. I've said this

before, but like that's how you know you're in your seat of

sovereignty, you're no longer identifying with, oh, me and my

partner, and I'm in a relationship, or I'm married, or

versus like I'm single, I don't separate myself from society

ever. Last night I went to my friend's house, had an amazing

dinner, my friend and her husband and her son had me over

for dinner at the best time, and I'm constantly like hanging out

with couples, and I don't even notice I'm the only person

that's not in a couple. I told a story in January, how I went on

a trip with my, my dear soul sister and her partner, who's a

good friend of mine too, and not once did I feel like the third

wheel. We were like going on romantic dates, we were hanging

out, like it was so much fun, and I did not feel like the only

single person, like, oh, you don't separate yourself when

you're home, when you're really home. And I've been on this

journey for 20 years, and so many of the women I work with

are like, yeah, but you know, it's only possible for you,

Kate, it's not possible for me. That is not true. That's why I

created my work, all of the work I do with women, like they get

to catapult to the place, like it took me, you know, 1015 years

really to deepen into my heroin, and I'm working with women who

are doing it in one or two years, and it doesn't mean

you're done, you're never at a destination, but they're so much

more rooted in themselves after one year of going on a deep

expansive journey, and then having a big catalytic awakening

increase, it's so much easier when you actually work with a

mentor and a guide and get supported on that journey of

coming home to yourself, but when you're in that seat of

sovereignty, you're, you're, you're no longer looking for

something. Like, I work with so many women who are like, "Yeah,

yeah, I hear everything you say, Kate, but I know I'll just be

happier once I have a relationship. I know I meant to

have a family, and I just have to have it and control it. Like,

just have to get the guy. I'm getting my eggs are rotting, I'm

getting old, I'm low, and it's like I promise you the love that

you're going to experience, and the life that you're going to

experience when you don't need any of those things, because

you're so rooted and connected internally, and again, it's like

this is this is a journey, so this might sound foreign to you.

I might be speaking Greek to you, but I promise you it's a

completely different world. And then when you're dating and

connecting and flirting and meeting people, there is this

feeling of like with or without you, like this is an amazing

date I'm on right now, and I'm so connected, and I feel so

alive, and, and, wow, this - our souls feel so aligned, because

that's what happens when you're home, and that king and queen

have merged internally, and you're really sitting in your

throne inside of the sacred temple of your body and your

being, and you're in alignment with all of who you are, and

then you go on dates. I mean, you're going to attract soul

mates everywhere you go. That's a thing. I mean, that's the cool

part. You're going to attract soulmates, and you know there

are mates to your soul everywhere. You're going to

attract sister soulmates, you're going to attract man soulmates,

brother soulmates, deep love, soul. Schoolmates, but you hold

it with an open palm naturally, because when you're in that

place inside of your life and yourself, you totally trust

life, like I know I knew when I met Patricio, even though it was

the most aligned relationship at the time I'd ever had, and it

was awakening all of these beautiful parts of my

sensuality, and all of these things that I'd never

experienced with a man, and we had like deep conversations, and

he was so interested in what I was doing for a living, and we

were both passionate about what we do, and we had so much

alignment. I wasn't afraid to lose this relationship, I wasn't

clinging to it, I wasn't trying to extract something from him, I

was just in it, moment to moment, letting it unfold, and

you know, I can tell you to do that, right? Like, I can say,

let the relationship organically unfold, but if you are not met

within yourself, if you have not integrated these parts inside of

yourself, there's going to be a little girl still trying to

extract from that relationship, and that's when you attract

situationships and relationships that are a little girl trying to

get something right, that anxious attachment style, and

then what happens, you attract the avoidant, you attract the

one that pushes away, you attract the opposite of that,

because you're trying to get something from that person,

rather than allowing this love to bloom and unfold, even if

it's only here for five weeks, right? When you're in that seat

of sovereignty, you can allow it to bloom, and it doesn't mean

the little girl parts aren't going to show up for sure.

You'll have moments of it, but when you have a deep, reverent

relationship with yourself, you know how to tend to those parts,

you know how to love up, like, oh wait, there's a little girl

here right now, this is not me. And so, in order to live from

that place, I mean, trying to get everything from a man,

whenever I'm at the immersion, and I'm watching the women fall

so deeply in love with each other, and every year, I mean,

sometimes women are like, I think I've got the wrong group.

I don't think I'm going to be close to these women like you

talk about. Every year, they fall madly in love with each

other, because once you get underneath all the patterns and

underneath the wounded little girl, and you get to the heart

of who a woman is, we're all compatible. Every soul is

magnetic, every soul is unique and beautiful and magical, and

they all fall so deeply in love with each other, and we have the

most fun, deep, vulnerable, transformational, loving time in

Greece. And then, at the end, it's like nobody wants to leave,

and everyone's like, "Oh my god, I've been searching for a man my

whole life to give me this feeling, and here I'm having it

with women. Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Thank

you. What's his name? I forget his name in this moment. The

author of that book, that could not be more true. We are from

different planets, and of course, there's a range within

both, but we're from different planets. We are wired so

differently, and so, but women get into relationship, and

they're like, I just want an emotional, I just want him to be

more emotional and more expressed, and more. This cat, a

Latin man, he was more emotionally expressed than my

Canadian boyfriends. There's that, but he was still a man,

right? So, like, what we actually need is sisterhood, and

I always say at the Immersion, I'm like, my God, if every woman

had a community of women like this, loving them and

celebrating them and holding them through their tender

moments, and, and, and rising with them, and celebrating their

greatness, and celebrating their success, and reminding them of

who they are when they forget, like, if everyone had that level

of love with women, women can only really give it to women,

like that's the funny part. We're trying to have a man who,

like, is emotionally deep, and he's this, he's that, not to say

you can't have that to a degree, but he's still a man, right? We

try and get it from, we try and get what we actually need a from

ourselves first, and then be from sisterhood, not from

saboteur friendships, right, not from like gossiping,

complaining, like, "Oh, my besties, we're gonna like be

victims and like, like, bash each other's exes and talk bad

about the person at work, like not that kind of like surface

level relationship, I'm talking deep life changing love with

women, like when you're satiated in that way, I think, like, my

relationship with myself, and then my relationship with all of

the extraordinary women in my life, and male friends - I'm

even now attracting so many amazing male friends who are

also really aligned in that way, but definitely what I get from

the women in my life is like there's no part of me that needs

at my dinner with my friends last night, she was asking about

if I'm dating, if I'm on apps, and I'm just like, no, I'm just

so happy and so full, and I trust life so fully and so

deeply that I know when I'm meant to experience that next

level soul love. That's however many chapters of my book of my

life story. I know that that will come, and I'm not looking

for it. I don't need it. I don't need to find it. I don't need to

go hunting for it, because I feel so satiated in my life,

with my friends, with my sisterhood, with my work, with

my play, my pleasure, purpose that I have with my wild life of

traveling and living in the most amazing places. Oh my god, Kenya

is so amazing. Driving to my friend's house for dinner last

night, she lives in the same neighborhood. If you've been to

Nairobi, Karen is one of the most beautiful. It's called

Karen, where I live. It's so beautiful. It is like I was

driving to her house. It's 30 minutes in traffic to get to her

house, same suburb, so green. I'm like driving, and the sun

was setting, and it was so beautiful. And there's like,

it's tropical, and it's like I was seeing warthogs on the side

of the road, like driving to her house, and I was just like, how

is this a city? Like, people probably think Nairobi is just

like crazy polluted buildings, and it is not. I would not live

here if it was that. It literally feels like we're in

the like Costa Rican jungle countryside, but with Kenyan

people and Kenyan culture and African culture, it's so

magical, so you know, having a life like I didn't. I said this

in an episode a couple weeks ago, like I didn't magically

just appear upon this life. I literally took so many fucking

courageous steps to get here, it was terrifying. So many times I

showed up for to do my first masterclass, to do my first

course, to run my first immersion in Italy, like I had

to take so much risk and courage. It took me so much

courage to do every single tiny step I did that led me to this

place inside of myself. It's not a fit, it's not luck, I'm not

just lucky and advanced, like, and it took me a long time, and

now I've developed systems and practices and structures, so

that women can do it and get rooted in themselves in a much

shorter time period, because there is so much possible for

you, and you do not have to waste another day trying to get

something from your man, so if you're attract in that model

where you're questioning your relationship, blaming your

husband, I'm having a heroine on the podcast very soon, who, when

I met her, she was separated from her partner, and we worked

together for nine months. We did the immersion, and then we

worked together again, and she, and then she came to Kenya, and

then her whole family came to Kenya. I think I talked about

her before, but, like, watching her relationship, that was

almost over when we met, completely transform into this

beautiful, open, intimate, deep, loving, adventurous, like

totally different relationship, plus her relationship with her

boys, who are like enlightened teenagers, all of them together,

like this family is so beautiful. And when I met her,

she was about to leave her relationship, because what she

was trying to get everything from her partner, she, okay, I'm

paraphrasing, we'll let her tell her story, but, but, like, this

is what women do, they blame their partner, or they try and

get everything from the partner. So, if you're single and you're

waiting for that guy with all the things, and you've got this

long laundry list of what you desire, burn it, throw it out,

you don't need to know what you need, all you need to know is to

live from your soul. And then you attract soulmates. You don't

need to have a list, you don't need any list, because you will

know when something's aligned and it feels good until it

doesn't. And but if you're trying to get a guy to have

everything for you, or you're trying to, that's why the list

is so wrong, because it just externalizes the fantasy, and it

doesn't matter if it's a conscious fantasy or not. That

list is hurting you, so if you're trying to change him or

mold him into, like, by getting him to meet your boundaries and

needs, or trying to change him so that you feel good, you're

repressing him on some level, and that's creating more discord

in your relationship than you can know, he's not responsible

for your needs. You are, go on a journey of your own soul

awakening, and my God, watch your relationships change. It is

extraordinary. So, if you're trying to get the love to get

the king to show up for you, so you can be in your queen, or to

try and get the prince to rescue you on a horse. If you're trying

to get something from outside of you, it is such a

self-fulfilling prophecy. It's such a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Take responsibility for what's yours. That is the only thing

you're responsible for, is your side of the street. 100% of the

time, you are only responsible for what is yours. So, get to

know your patterns intimately. Get to know your saboteur, but

don't let her make your life choices. Don't let her lead your

relationships. Join me in the Expanded Love Masterclass, june

19 to 20-first, and we will unpack all of your saboteur

patterns, so you understand this condition part of you so

intimately, and you stop buying into her, you stop believing her

limitations, you stop living in captivity inside of yourself,

waiting for a prince to rescue you. Nobody's coming, nobody's

coming, but my God, there is a magical life waiting for you,

and so many beautiful souls you're going to meet along the

way. It's like relationships are so juicy, but when we're trying

to bond from our patterns, they're not. They might be high

and then low, right? That like crazy, what goes up must come

down, but they are not juicy and satiating and meaningful and

deep, and oh my god, as they are when you're home, like my god,

your ability to receive love, like you see this at the

immersion too, like no one can even receive love at the

beginning, and then they learn to receive love with each other,

and everyone's soft and open at the end, and it's like, How are

you out there doing relationships if you can't even

receive love, right? Like, we walk around with walls around

our hearts. Your task is not to seek love, it's to seek and

remove the barriers within yourself you have built against

love. Rumi, such an important quote. You have barriers around

your heart, guaranteed. So, spend all of your time looking

in the mirror and starting to remove one barrier at a time,

and start to get to know the magic of the soul and the heart

that's underneath those barriers, because there's so

much beauty there, and there's so much magic there. You're just

missing it, because you're believing the barriers, and

you're believing the fear, and you're believing the, these like

stories that are keeping you in captivity. Life is limitless,

and our human experience, like, there's so much we're supposed

to experience here, we get to experience, but so many people

waste it. That's probably why our souls come back again, and

again, because it's like, try again, try again, try again, so

he's been given this one life, you've been given this one

sacred temple, which is your body and the heart and soul that

is infinite, that is going to come with you in many lifetimes,

but this is this is your opportunity to live fully, so

number one thing that makes relationships so hard is

externally sourcing, trying to get everything from your

partner, trying to attract the perfect man who is everything to

you, trying to change or mold him, trying to get love from the

outside when it's all inside of you. It was always inside of

you. So, if you enjoyed this episode, as always, share it

with all of your friends who you know need to hear this message,

and love you lots, and I will see you next week.