Learning Advanced Leadership of Self: What Does That Mean?

Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield

Hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So we've got a great topic today, and here it is, advanced leadership of self. What that means? So, Kelly, what do you think that means?

Boy, you I have not had any time to prepare for this question. I know that's why I ask you exactly. And I think you know I know what leadership of self, but I'm curious about what advanced leadership of self is. What?

How would you describe leadership of self.

Leadership of self would be, you know, so many of the things that we talk about in think it be it which are, you know, having a lot of clarity around your identity and right, and then tying your actions, your behaviors, your actions, your mindset, you know, to those identities, you know. So if you say you are somebody like leadership of self would be, if you know these values are important to me, then I am acting in alignment with those values, and I have habits and behaviors that support, you know, that identity and that value set. So that's how I would describe it.

Broadly. No, I think that's that's good. And the reason this sort of comes up is because I've been teaching the Thank you, be it methodology now for for the full methodology in my own class for two years, and teaching it to undergraduates. And now I see that probably a better fit is the MBAs and and, and University of Texas wants me to teach it to the MBAs because it's just a it's a higher level way of doing life, obviously, and, and there's such a difference between teaching it to 21 year olds versus 28 or 29 year olds who have been out in the real world because they make them go out in the real world to get admitted into the University of Texas MBA program. So it's just a way different person you know that seven or eight years difference is like a lifetime and in a lot of ways, and plus the when they are getting an MBA, they are pivoting in their life. You know, they've been out there in the real world now, they're seeing more clearly what they want to do, and that an MBA would be valuable. And so they're sort of ideal for this. And so I'm changing the name of the course, nothing, nothing, really is changing in the course, maybe, maybe a little something, but mainly it's the same thing. And he goes from design your exceptional life, which is what it is for. The end, graduates to advanced leadership of self, the science of leveraging yourself. And so I want to give our audience a sample of what leadership of self, or advanced leadership of self, means. And I'm going to ask chat GPT and I found this pretty interesting. G are you there?

I'm here, John, what's on your mind today? Let's get right to

Okay, Let's not mess around.

That's the spirit. What are we tackling? Let's make sure we're heading towards something that moves the needle for you.

I think that's a good idea. So here it is, on your suggestion, tell me what, what leadership of self is?

Leadership of self is really owning how you show up in life. It's about taking full responsibility for your mindset, habits and actions, even when circumstances aren't ideal. It's a skill set where you intentionally design your daily focus, align your behaviors with your goals, and develop the discipline to follow through. In short, it's the foundation for designing that exceptional life you talk about.

Okay, thank you. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, yep, that's great. She said it much better than I did.

Yeah, well, better than I did, too. But you know, I tell you what I find interesting. So, so if we were going to recap what she said, You know, it's essentially taking personal responsibility for your life and essentially influencing the actions you're taking and making them align with your identity and with your your goals. Is that a fair recap of it? Yeah, absolutely. Well, here's, here's what's interesting. Yeah, and this is, as I've said 100 times, it's so clear to me, your subconscious. Mind rules your life. If 95% of your daily actions are unconscious and those actions are determining your your success, then hey, your subconscious mind rules your life. And if you're going to really lead yourself, or what I would call advanced leadership of self, she got to take control of your subconscious mind. I mean, it's so obvious to me, but, but so few people get it. You know,

Absolutely no. And I think, you know, we talk about this all the time. I think that, you know, part of the challenge is nobody's really thinking about leadership of self, nobody's thinking about goals, you know, or a very small portion of the population is, and when they do, they're thinking about it in on December 31 you know. You know, when they're thinking about what they want to achieve in the next year, you know. And then you know, blowing off those, you know, the dust off those goals, you know, on on December 31 of the following year of that same year, right? So I think that that's part of the challenge, you know, is that people aren't thinking deeply about their life at all, and about their goals and about their identity and about, you know that, and I think that's one of the biggest challenges is, you know, I think if you asked, I know that if I asked the majority of the people you know in my life whether they have, you know what goals they've set for themselves this year. You know, how would they describe like, what are their three you know, what are the three values that they, you know, hold most dearly, you know that they you know, I don't know whether anybody definitively in that moment without, you know, pausing or, you know, fumbling their way through it, would be able to succinctly articulate that right?

Well, you're, you're so right there. They're just rolling through life, not thinking very deeply about it. But you know, once you like, like, once I get in front of them, or, or somebody that's in the success business, it's, it's our job to move their head from from just gliding through life to really thinking about the process of success, what, what is causing it? How do you influence it? And that's the challenge of of a thought leader, I think, is to to, you know, take them out of their, you know, current, shallow thinking mindset, and show them what, how it works, how success works. And one of the things, I think is is fascinating to me, is is this ongoing dance between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, where you know the conscious mind is where you're you're figuring out your life, you're figuring out the your ideal life, and who do you want to be, and what do you want to accomplish, and how are you going to do it all conscious mind. And we have that twice a week habit of deep thinking to facilitate that, to make you intentionally step away from your life and really think deeply about you know who you are and what you want to accomplish. And then, then that's so that that's the first step. And then the second step is you get it on on your life, GPS template, and feed it to yourself every day. Now that's the second step of influencing the subconscious mind, the doing part of you. And you know, I find it so sort of cool this, this ongoing dance between the conscious mind and subconscious mind, don't you?

Oh, absolutely, you know, it's interesting, John, you just said something that, you know, really resonated with me, that I want to touch on a little bit deeper. And it's a long you know, definitely supports what you were just saying. But you said the job, you know, of a thought leader is to influence, and I feel like one of the areas that so many fall short in. And I think everybody listening, I myself included, you know, can relate to this where you you are thinking deeply about your life. You do want to achieve goals. You do want to achieve those health goals, goals, those career goals, those relationship goals. You're not happy where you're at. You do feel unfulfilled and like something's missing or you've got more gas in the tank. You are feeling that way. So you're seeking out people in the industry who have the answers. You know you're you have a growth mindset, you want to learn and take on new things. Well, that's all fine and great. That all happens again in the conscious mind, you're very excited about that. You're learning new things. Then it moves to the subconscious, which is actually building those habits and changing that behavior that supports. Support all of those strategies and things that you're learning from. That's where there, to me, there's a huge disconnect in this space is, yeah, between, you know, so much of that the it's what Tibby offers, right? It's right. It's the bridge, the gaps, the conscious and the subconscious. And you are, you know. So when we're talking about thought leaders, and we're, you know, it's like, yes, I want that. Yes, I and there are people who are thinking deeply. Obviously, this industry is a huge industry, you know. So there's a a audience for that, but it's now where the rubber heat, you know, meets hits the road, where the rubber meets the road after you've learned it, and then you go and try to apply it. It's that two weeks where you're feeling great, you know, if you make it two

weeks where you're feeling great, you're doing the thing you're and then what happens something, you know? And then two weeks go by and you're like, Oh, that was a great idea. I was doing it. And it's this quick thought, and it's like, yeah, I need to do that. And then life continues to happen, and another two months go by and you still haven't done the thing that you know is going to make a huge difference, right? And that is where the subconscious piece comes in, that we're talking about with the Tippie methodology, is it does that programming of that subconscious mind for you. So it's interesting. I love that distinction you made between conscious and unconscious, and it just made me think of that, because I think so many people who are listening can relate to exactly because I was one of those people too, you know, where I wanted to learn, I wanted to, you know, and would always have the best intentions, and sometimes it would stick, you know, but the majority of the time, you know, it wouldn't. You'd get back into life and and your subconscious mind and all those habits that had gotten you to where you were, you know, which may be great, but they're not going to get you to the next level that you want to get to. So anyway, I wanted to point that out, because I think it's such a relatable thing for anybody who's listening to this and helping make that distinction between the conscious and the subconscious.

Well, and you know, it's, it's one of the things I see is is doing the key actions in your life, whether it's in your marriage or your career or your health, the difference between the the average life and the exceptional life is doing them consistently. It's just that simple, yeah, and, and, and in light of the fact that 95% of our unconscious you have to influence the subconscious mind with that repetition of feeding every day in your life, GPS template, the those key actions and when you do that every day, that's who you become. And you those actions then start happening automatically, without thinking. And you, you, you, you experience this bubble up effect that I've talked about before, where you move actions that would normally be on autopilot, where oftentimes you'd have the wrong action to taking an action with your conscious mind and with your intelligence and and intellect. And so that's, that's what this dance between the conscious mind subconscious mind is, is, is creating more of your key actions being coming conscious, instead of 95 five way more of the 5% that are conscious become conscious. And so

A question for you. John, so at the beginning we talked, you know, and when you asked chat about it, you said, What is leadership of self? So is the advanced portion? So the advanced leadership of self is that where, then the life GPS and the tippee methodology, that's where the advanced piece comes in, versus just leadership of self?

Yeah, so I think, I think so, I think so that's a good way to put it. And you know, one of the things that that I see and that I'm teaching my my students, is that your subconscious mind is either your greatest asset or your greatest nemesis in life, and that it's really your choice. And again, it's foundationally based on the fact that, since 95% of your actions are unconscious, clearly your subconscious mind controls your life, and so now it's your choice. Are you going to let it be your greatest asset? Which it would would be if you're you're having have our morning routine of 12 minutes a day of reading your life GPS template, or is it going to be your greatest nemesis? Well, why would it be your greatest nemesis? Well, because you are innately wired for survival, and so you're innately wired to be fear based and reactive. And so everything. Thing that is going on with you that is unconscious. Again, 95% of what's going on is unconscious. Is wired to be fear based and reactive and boy, that is a lousy way to live on a on a number of fronts. I mean, it's just a lousy way to live in terms of of enjoying life, but it's also lousy in terms of of not taking the the actions consistently that you need to take. Does that make sense to why it's your greatest nemesis?

Absolutely, and I'll say just as an example of that. And again, I'm I'm sure that anybody who's listening, you know, at the time that we're recording this, we're, you know, in 2026 it's a very interesting time in the world, you know, and it as a business owner and as a you know, there's a lot of uncertainty, and just, you know, with what people are seeing, you know, in the news and all of this stuff, there's A lot of uncertainty, and it's playing into and all of the news and all of that is playing into your life, base what you're talking about, where we're innately wild, wired for fear, we're innately right, we're, you know, survival. And when you're getting fed all of this stuff, and it's a constant diet of what we're, you know, kind of experiencing right now with the current, you know, state of the world and the media and how, again, that's how they make their money. Is right and uncertainty. And so I'm using this technique. I've had to pull out some of the old hits, you know, for me, because some old behavior coming back about worry. You know, I'm a business owner, I'm looking at things like, oh god, how is this going to affect the job market? Like, my business is jobs like, it'll start, you know? And so now I'm having to go back and when and use that to trigger myself that when I start to have that thought of worry, I immediately trigger to gratitude. I immediately trigger to solution mode and to focusing on the things that I can control. I had that pretty well, like licked, but for whatever reason, you know, some of which I've just shared with you, I'm noticing some of that old and that's what I'm attributing it to. But I'm noticing that and then leaning on and pulling again, some of the old tools out that I've had, that I had in my life, GPS for so long that I didn't need anymore because I'd overcome that behavior. And I'm like, Uh oh, you know, through my analysis and my thinking, I'm like, I'm noticing some of this old,

hard, wired behavior from my childhood built into me right starting to rear its ugly head. I need to bring back this, this tool, and put it into my life, GPS and so, just to, you know, emphasize your point of your brain as much work as I do on myself, as much as I like you. We are innately wired for survival, and we are fear based, you know, and right, you know. So you need to have some of these different tool this, you know, training that subconscious to pay attention to that and then to switch that focus so that you're focused on the right thing. So anyway, I just thought I'd share that example, because it's something that I'm actually just like two weeks ago, pulled out and put back in, because I recognize that behavior in myself again, right?

Well, you know, the one of the things that I was saying about some you and I talked about a long time ago is how the subconscious mind is like a garden and and, you know, whatever you plant there is going to grow. Yeah? And, so if you're planning your desired life to yourself each day, it's going to manifest that. But if you don't, which most people are just weighing in life, so they're not planning anything, weeds will grow, and you're going to get the effect of that, yeah. And, and, you know, I'll tell you something you talk about the world situation and the situation in Iran. I don't know where you're standing on that, but I think it's great. I think it is really great that Trump manned up and for the first time ever, really put Iran in its in its place, relative to the fact that they're the biggest sponsor of state terrorism and and all the things that have wrong Iran is has caused problems with finally, we we step up and in The name of really freedom and and helping the Iranian people. I just think it's a great thing. Now, I wish Trump would articulate that whole thing a little better, that that we're the defender of freedom and of of of where the defender of. Democracy in the world, and just send a message that that's who we are. And separate home, separate home.

We don't defend democracy at home anymore.

No, no, no, no. I'm against democracy personally, but, but I'll tell you something I thought was interesting. So I'm watching Fox News, which, which I don't really do very often, because I think they're just too, too far out there, but, but it's better than than the other, but not by much, probably. And so I'm watching this guy, Mark Levin, very sharp guy. And he's talking about how great Trump is and how this is transformative. And it's the biggest event since the fall of the Soviet Union, which I would agree with. That's, you know, in terms of big world events. And he's talking about how stupid the Democrats are, and how stupid Biden was, and how stupid Obama was, and how, you know, they hate America and and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, they don't hate America. Yeah, they're just, in my view, unenlightened in terms of how they approach things, but they don't hate America. And I've gotten to this point lately where I'm evaluating everybody on how enlightened are they? How how enlightened am I? You know, I just saw something recently where I wasn't very enlightened. What? No, I know. I know it's it is shocking. It is shocking. But I had a, you know, I'll be honest about what it was. You know, I just started taking testosterone, and and I have avoided this for years and years and years, and I had some sort of a illogical reason for doing it, contrary to all the medical science and and finally, I'm like, wait a minute. That's just unenlightened. You know what? My belief does not comport with what is, is the truth and and this is hurting me by by having this unenlightened view. And so once I sort of stepped back and saw that, I'm like, oh, okay, then, then I'm going to take this and because my doctor says this would really be good for you, and so but, but the point I'm making is it, is it people? Everybody is operating on different levels of enlightenment. There's all sorts of levels of enlightenment, and now when somebody

disagrees with me, I personally think that they're maybe not as enlightened as maybe I am, but the determinating factor is what's closest to the truth. You know, if their view is closer to the truth, and then my view is, then I'm relative to them and enlightened, but and everybody's entire everybody is just reflecting their level of enlightenment in their views. So you can't hate people or say they're, you know, they hate America or or any of that stuff. When you see people disagreeing with you, you just have to accept that's how they're processing the same information you and I are processing. They're just processing it differently. And again, who's right and who's wrong is whoever's closest to the truth.

So I think enlightenment is to the end, like they can be enlightened and have a whole different set of operating from a whole different set of facts, a whole different set of values, a whole different set of strategy and everything. I don't know which one's right. I don't have enough information honestly to speak intelligently about what's happening in Iran. What I do know, you know, and I'm you know, you and I couldn't be further apart in terms of, you know, our political parties. Obviously, I'm a Democrat, and you know more on the independent side, but, but

I'll help you with that. I know that's a challenge,

But what I one thing that you just said, You just gave that example of Fox News, you know, for example, and people saying, because you your policy is different. Let's just talk about policies. Why do we have to throw in all of this negative rhetoric about they must hate America because they believe something different than I do? Yeah, that is, you know, that is what is getting us into the trouble right now and causing all of the division. We should all be able to sit down and. Have conversations, intelligent conversations, think critically, you know about different issues, and not give personal attacks and saying you hate, no, I don't hate, you know, I just have a very different viewpoint, an enlightened one, by the way, on this particular topic, it's just doesn't agree with you, which doesn't mean I'm not enlightened, or I'm not right. It just means that it's different than whatever your opinion is. And that is the wonderful part right now, at least right now, we'll see, you know, a year from now, in the United States, where I get to think differently than you do, like

We're gonna get rid of that

Exactly, you know, I'm sure I'm on his list. So we'll see.

Well, no, I get what you're saying. And, yeah, I, you know, I tell you I'm not a Republican. I tore up my Republican card a few years ago from some of the, you know, some of the things I saw that were sort of ridiculous. So I'm a I'm an independent and so we're not as you know, if you've really looked at sort of how we we look at things, I bet we'd be pretty much aligned on on so many things, but, but I think one of the challenges today in the world is there's no truth. Everybody is saying has an opinion, and there is no truth. Well, that's flat ass wrong. There is truth. There is truth in the world and people's opinions, they're entitled to whatever their opinions are, and they're that's just how they're processing information, so they don't have any ill intent. That's just what they're coming up with. Yeah, but if their opinions are contrary to the truth, then hold those opinions at your peril, at your detriment, just like not taking testosterone was to my detriment from being having the opinion I had. And so that's maybe the the main lesson I would give people is let people have different opinions. They're just everybody is is wired differently, and so they come up with different opinions. And you just gotta let them have their opinions and and some people are more enlightened than others. I've also been thinking about this idea that that there's there's there's this concept of being enlightened and the idea of being smart, you know, you can be smart, which is my opinion, you know, the ability to basically connect the dots and see how things work and and like you can have a CEO of a big company that that he created it very smart, but totally unenlightened, because maybe he's, you know, totally unhealthy and and doesn't pay attention to his health. Well, he can be smart and unenlightened at the same time, at least in that that regard.

Yep, absolutely. But I, you know, and I emphasize just again, I like what your statement was about fact, which is, like, just because somebody says something doesn't mean that that's, you know, like, do your research, right? Look outside. Look, you know, look at multiple not just in your algorithm. Look outside and start looking up the facts about things and educate yourself about, you know, some of what's going on. Because I think that's that's just because you say something, Oh, and don't tell me that my eyes didn't just see what they saw.

Right? Right, right?

Because that's not a fact. You know what? I mean, like, that's a So, yeah, it's, it is interesting out there now, right? You know, in terms of just what is true, what is fact, what is you know, if you would have said 15 years ago that we would be having a discussion about whether white, you know, what's blue is blue, and what's black is black. I would have been saying, Are you crazy? You know? So, yeah, it's insane, right?

Well, I think with that bit of wisdom, we will today.

Don't you think we went off on his we went off on a tangent there for a minute, but

We're right, right? Well, hopefully it was valuable. Okay, we'll see you next time you.