The Power of Collaboration Over Competition | RR384

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to this week's

episode of Relationships Rule. The best networkers I know are

not the ones talking about themselves; they're the ones

asking, "Who do I know that you should meet? Today's guest has

built an entire community around that question. Trish Tonai is an

author, an artist, and the founder and host of Share Your

Stories dot online. Where more than 275, it might have changed

since now, since I wrote this number down. Where more than 275

entrepreneurs have had their stories told, she believes in

collaboration over competition, and she lives it every day.

Today we're going to explore what happens when you make other

people's success your favorite topic. Trish, welcome to

Relationships Room.

Oh, thank you, Janice. It's such a thrill to

spend some time with you today and connect with the folks in

your network.

Thank you so much. So I know from

conversations we've had previously, Trish, that you

describe yourself as a connector at heart, and that's probably

what endeared me to you in the first place, because that's how

I see myself. When did you first realize that that was who you

are? Can you take us back to that moment?

You know, I think it was something that just

organically happened. You know, after I wrote my second book, I

was out on the speaker circuit, talking about mentorship and

role models and how important they are in our communities. And

entrepreneurs such as yourself kept coming up and asking me if

they could share their business stories because that's really

what my second book is all about. And I thought, oh, geez,

Louise, you can't keep writing books. I started a guest blog,

and in the first year, I opened my own Rolodex and I shared 100

stories in that first year, and since then it's organically

grown with people like yourself who introduce me to other people

in their network and say, "Oh, you have to meet Trish. So we

actually have over 500-I think it's over 600 now-over 600

stories in our guest blog that's found on our website that's on

five continents, and they're really founder stories, right?

We give everyone answers the same three questions. We allow

you to put your bio, your headshot, a direct connection to

your website, and then use the stories to introduce you to

other people that I know you should meet within the network,

because then that's a really warm introduction, right?

Absolutely, yes. That's that's what's so special

about those kinds of things. Absolutely, and I must say that

I don't think everybody takes advantage of them. They don't

realize that. Like I've done a, I know there's compilation books

out there, and people roll their eyes at them, and I I did it

twice, I think, and the one time that I did it in in this book

called 262, there's 260 people in that book that I could call

up and say, "Hey, we're in that book together. Let's talk. You

know, and it is a warm and we still. I haven't been through

them all, of course, because we just don't. But it's a perfect

way. They're never at a loss for people to to connect with that

way, right? Well,

you know, I honestly think that in the

economy that we're currently in, you know, the nature of the

business and the challenges that we're currently experiencing, I

really do believe that the only way we're going to reach

sustained success is through going way back to the way it

used to be, you know, when I started my first company in

1993, it's going to be through personal introductions.

Yeah, so I couldn't agree more. Right? You

can

be. You need to have visibility on social.

Absolutely, you need to have your face out there without a

doubt. But I do think that the connections that we make that

allow us to collaborate and expand our businesses are going

to come through personal introductions.

Yeah, no, there's no no doubt in my mind, and

we're craving it. We're craving that person to person. My next

question was going to be about your book that featured those 10

entrepreneurial women sharing their stories, and I have to

ask, though, what made you decide to hand the microphone to

others instead of writing about yourself?

You know, I had it was my second book, so my first

book was a diary of change, 12 personal tools, and that's all

about a journey of firsts. So it was at a very strange time in my

life. I was having to recalibrate my personal GPS, and

so that's what that book was about. So I actually had the was

very blessed to have gone to Harvard Law School and took a

course in mediation and dispute resolution. And it was while I

was at that course that I met 48 other people from around the

world who were entrepreneurs, and we all started talking about

why are you here? How did you get to Harvard? What was the

reason why you know you decided to come to this course? And it

was then that I really it tweaked my interest about this

whole idea of mentorship and role models. And there was a

gentleman in the course who said to me, you know, Trish, I've got

two young daughters. They were in their 20s at the time. And he

said there are no average role models. He said there's there's

very famous people and movie stars and you know folks in

entertainment and maybe politicians and things of that

nature. But the average everyday person who's successful and you

know got a wonderful business and creating sustained success

for them and their family, we don't hear about those stories,

and so that was really the light bulb moment I had when I was on

the plane coming home. And I thought, okay, you know what?

He's right. We need to. If we don't share our stories, how's

the next generation going to learn? And how are we going to

be able to support each other if we don't share some of the you

know the good, bad, and the ugly about being in business, and so

that really was the catalyst. And funnily enough, I came back

from that course in July, and I wrote, had found the 10 women,

which included myself, wrote the book, had the book published,

found a publisher, had the book published within 12 months,

fantastic!

Yeah,

yeah, that's special. So, have you had any

stories from those from the book and also from the share your

stories? Yeah, the blog that that are special that that have

come back to you. the The women have come back to you and said,

"Oh my God, this happened or that happened.

Yeah, for sure. You know, I get emails from people

all the time who say, "You know, this is a really wonderful

statistic, which I'll share with you. Our website is on track to

have a half a million unique visitors this year. Wow! So

every week I get a report on the number of visitors that are

individuals plus bots. So just unique visitors. I'm getting

anywhere between 16 to 20,000 people per week that are

visiting our website, which means that everyone's looking

for visibility, for collaboration, for the

connectivity, and you know, the collaboration that's happening

behind the scenes, I would love to be able to qualify, but

really difficult to do, right? Because nobody's going to share

those revenue numbers, right? But I do get testimonials all

the time when someone will say, "Trish, I've just had a call

from someone who said they saw my story on your platform, and

now they've offered me, you know, a position, or they've

offered me an RF an opportunity for an RFP, or they want to

collaborate on an event that they're hosting, and they think

that I'm a great fit. So it really is working, you know. It

it gives people an opportunity because we're not tracking who's

visiting the site, you know. We're not. You don't have to

input your email in order to go to the stories that we feature.

So we're making it really super easy for folks to make the

connection.

So I have to ask this because I was just talking

to somebody I think recently about. Oh yes, it was somebody I

interviewed just recently, and she was in Sweden. Actually,

she's lovely young woman, and she deals with backlinks and SEO

on websites, which to me always sounds so boring and and right

techy. However, for your website to get all those visitors every

week, they must be some pretty hefty backlinks and SEO.

You know what? I don't even look at SEO. I have

no idea what the. But is

somebody?

No. Oh

wow!

Absolutely not. So you know what it is? It's all

about the just the connectivity piece.

Yes. You know

where you say, oh, you know what? You're

introducing me to three or four different people, and then

because we share the stories on Mondays and Tuesdays, and then

we have a marketing campaign around that. And you know,

thanks for the information on the podcast. I just did my 285th

podcast on Friday, and we have a marketing campaign around that,

and we show clips, you know, of 30 second clips, and then we

have the YouTube channel, and then of course on your favorite

podcast station. But I think it's really about the

connectivity of the people-the people who are sharing the site

and saying, "You got to go here and have a look at this.

Yeah, yeah. And I think that's

yeah. I think that's really where the traction

is coming

from. So it's old-fashioned word of mouth. I

think so. I really

do. Yeah.

So I'm sure that from the stories that that that

are written and put out there, I know one of the questions that

you ask is which three words of advice would you give? Is that

right? Three words of advice that you would give.

Yep.

Have any stayed with you forever? Like, have you

learned from that?

You know what? I learn. I have to be really

honest. I learn something from every single guest that I have

on the show, and from every single story I read. You know,

I've been in business for over 34 years, like you, and I'm.

Still learning, you know. I I used to share this. You know, I

used to share this joke when I was on the speaker circuit. I

used to say I started my first business when there were no cell

phones, there were no laptop computers, and there was no

Google. And everybody goes cross-eyed, and they're like,

"Good grief, how old are you?

Yes. But

just think of all the things that I've had to

learn in 30 years to stay relevant, right?

True, right? So we have to

we have to let a lot of stuff go, and then we

have to introduce a lot of new things. And some of the things

stay with us, you know. Some of the philosophies and the skill

set that we learned obviously stays with us through our

career. But I really think that the thing that excites me is

meeting the individuals who have stepped outside their comfort

zone and decided to start their own business because it's not

for the faint of heart. It's not for everybody. It's not easy.

You know, you don't have instant success. It sometimes takes 20

years. You know, 15 years, 20 years of really manipulating

your process and your product or service offering before you

actually you know get the ding ding ding ding and the money

starts coming in you know you make enough money to pay the

bills and we all have to put food on the table and a roof

over our head but hopefully we're being able to put enough

money away so that whenever we decide that we don't want to do

this anymore. You know, we've got a little nest egg there that

will keep us, you know, happy and healthy in our old age.

Yeah, and that's really the reason why we work, right?

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So being a connector,

which I love to talk about, because I think that's such a

special way to. For me, it comes from my heart, right? And I'm

sure it does with you. How do you decide who to introduce to

whom, and how do you give generously without you know

asking anything in return?

You know, that's an interesting question because

this is a passion project for me, so it's not a revenue

generator. It's a it's my give back to the entrepreneurial

community because I know how hard it is to start a business.

I know what it takes to you know go around with $1 in your wallet

until you start to make money and you know you start to build

your own rapport and reputation. But I think the connections for

me happen because once I meet someone and I get an idea of the

industry they're in and perhaps some of the solutions that

they're looking for to some of the challenges that they're

having, I can then make connections with the other folks

that I have met who may even be you know on the other side of

the world. It really it's about the people. It's not about the

geography, and that really, for me, is the important component.

You know, we're all human. We all have the same wants and

desires. I use a phrase all the time. You know, we're so

different and yet the same, and we experience things at

different times in life. But you know, the white picket fence

concept is really a misnomer. Nobody has a perfect life,

right? We've all got challenges personally and professionally.

Yeah,

and so I love this community because we show up and

we step up for each other, and it is about the connection

piece. It's not about, well, you know, you pay me this amount of

money and I'll share my thought leadership. It's about just

sharing your thought leadership because you know if that can

help make someone else's road a little bit easier, why not?

Can I share something with you?

Yes,

this just happened this morning, and it's

so bizarre. Somebody reached out to me to connect with me on

LinkedIn, a woman, and I don't know this woman, and I looked

through her her profile, and I thought, oh, she looks

interesting. You know, she's a coach of some sort. So I

messaged her. I accepted, and I messaged her. And I want you to

know if I did something wrong in this, in in what I said. Thanks

for reaching out to connect. And I teach people how to do this.

Okay, so I I was like, oh, maybe I did this wrong. Thanks for

reaching out to connect. Have we met on a group call somewhere

before? You look familiar because I did sort of feel that.

Curious how you found me and how I may be of service. Best,

Janice.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

So this is what she said. I don't think we've

met before. Right now, I'm not looking for any services. Thank

you.

Oh, geez, Louise.

And I was like, "Whoa, I'm not going to pitch

her. I was looking to start a conversation, so I was kind of

taken back by that. But anyway, I couldn't resist. I had to. I

had to. Had to reply. Yeah. But you know

what? That just shows you the state of

yes

of where we are, right? I was

really saddened by that. Yeah. Every

everybody thinks, you know. I

mean,

exactly. I've been doing ShareYour Stories online

now since for seven years. We now have a grant program where

yes, would you want to talk to

you about yeah a

micro marketing grant, and you know, people say

to me, so so Trish, what's the angle? You know, like, and I'm

like, what angle? They're like, well, you can't really be doing

this, you know, out of the goodness of your heart. And I'm

like, well, yeah, I actually am. You know, I'm I'm financing the

the platforms. I'm putting all the money into the into the

technology so that we can keep it going. You know, I'm I'm

making introductions to folks just so that they can help to

increase their sales and and find new ways in which to expand

their businesses,

and there is no catch. And they they they they

can't accept that. Like it's it's uncomfortable,

uncomfortable for people. Yeah,

sometimes they just do. They said, well, you know,

well, certainly you're going to pitch me down the road. No, I'm

definitely not going to pitch you down the road. That's not

what the objective of this is. It's just really interesting.

And my next question actually kind of speaks

to this in in a way like the the suspicion out there. Just like

this person that just some people hold back from promoting

other people because they worry that it takes the attention away

from them.

Right.

What do you? And you know

what? We use the hashtag collaboration over

competition all the time. And I really truly believe that the

message that you're putting out into the world, your the

customers are going to find you. Yes, you need to you know ensure

that you're being very specific and clear about your product and

service offering, so that people are not confused by what you're

doing. But definitely, you know, there's 665 million

entrepreneurs around the world. There's got to be enough room

for all of us. I know. In each and every one of us is doing

something a little bit different. Yes, there are many

people who may be in the same industry, but they're in a

different country or a different city, or their service offering

is tweaked a little bit from one to the other. And isn't it

wonderful that when we can actually say, you know what,

Janice, there's somebody that I really want to introduce you to

because I think he or she may be able to help you in your

journey. Isn't that a really wonderful thing to be able to

you know open your rolodex and share that with no strings

attached? And and I think that's the reason why our platform is

growing exponentially is because we always thank the person. So

if you introduce me to someone in your network when we share

their story, I'm going to thank Janice and say that we were

introduced through you. That's another way. Not only is it a

wonderful way to give our thanks for the fact that you trusted us

with that referral, but it also is a way to increase your

visibility because it says that you believe in collaboration

over competition, right? Right.

And and. it it allows those of us who feel that

way to to to be a to come together like more and more of

us, and so yeah, I think it's so important. I actually had a

conversation with a gentleman yesterday. I was on his podcast

yesterday, and I think he is the epitome also of the ultimate

connector, and he he's basically that's his business connecting

people, but he does it from his heart, and you you can't see any

other. There's no other ulterior motive for him. Yeah, he does

have to make a living, but the people that he's the level of

people that he's talking to are above his pay scale too. But

right, but he he just loves what he does so much, and he's very

good at it. In fact, I think he's someone that you should be

on his podcast. I actually think I don't know. We'll have to talk

about that later. Anyway, so tell us about your grants, your

marketing grants. What's it been like to watch the grant

recipients? First of all, tell us about it, and then tell us a

little bit about watching the grant recipients grow since you

launched it, and since you launched Share Your Stories, and

and what that's all about. I'd love to hear that.

So we started the grant program in response to one

of the biggest obstacles for people to grow their business is

still funding. And our we use a tagline: funding for

entrepreneurs by entrepreneurs. So it's people like you and I

who donate funds in order to support our grants, so our

grants are micro marketing grants. They're for marketing,

specifically for marketing. And my thank you to the grant

recipients is the magazine. So we launched a magazine which

features the sponsors, and then that's another way for them to

increase their visibility. So we have the the first year. Our

grants were won by a woman in Ireland and a gal in Canada, and

our grants are more than just about the money because we have

12 months of mentorship that goes along with it.

Oh, so

people from our community volunteer one hour of

time with each of the grant recipients. And share their

expertise with them to try to help them expand their business.

So every month they meet with somebody different, and I can

share with conviction that the you know the four grant

recipients that we've had because this will only be our

third year and our grants close the application process closes

at the end of this month, september 30. They have all said

to me, you know, Trish, the money was really great because I

was able to do this, or I, you know, was able to fund that. But

the thing that was absolutely invaluable was the mentorship.

Yeah,

which you can't really put a price on, right?

No,

you can't. You can't. I've I've done some

mentoring too. With I did it with Futurepreneur, I think it's

called a few years ago, and and I've done it with Cap College

Entrepreneur Program too, and or Cap University now, but it was

Cap College then. It's so rewarding. It's so fun to to

work with the the young younger people. Not all younger. There,

some of them are are older people too, who have left

corporate and and gone out on their own, but it's fun doing

that. Maybe I can help you sometime. I'd love to do that.

We'll talk about

it. You know what? It's symbiotic because, as I

mentioned, you know, here I am. I'm a seasoned entrepreneur.

I've been in business for over 30 years, but I'm still

learning.

Yeah. Oh God, things change so quickly. We

have exactly, exactly. So that's the

reason why I think that the mentorship it crosses

all the barriers. In my opinion, it's not age dependent. It's not

industry specific. It's not gender related. It has nothing

to do with your geography. It's about the human connection that

you make and the information that you're willing to share

with another individual to try to help them overcome an

obstacle, and that's really, you know, I think if we all spent a

little bit more time doing that, just think of how amazing

everyone's experience would be. You know, we we would be able to

get rid of some of the negativity and just concentrate

on all this positive energy.

Yeah. Do you? Yeah, I don't want to go there.

No, I was just thinking about you know you and I are both in

Canada, which is pleasant at the moment. But do you get a lot of

members and and and people who come to your business from the

states, from the U.S.

We get them from all over the world, so we're on

five continents with stories. So we've, you know, it's not even a

geography situation. You know, we've we've got folks from all

over the world, and I have to say that it doesn't matter where

we live. We all experience the same challenges, right? There

may be local political issues that you know come into the fray

that that change the dynamics of things, but we're still all

trying to achieve the same things. It doesn't matter where

we come from.

Yeah, it's true. Do you have any any super

success stories that come to mind? One or

you know, I think that I think that the thing that

intrigues me the most about the stories that I read and the

people that I meet is the resilience that we have, and the

perseverance that we show, and the excitement that we have for

the businesses and the services and the products that we're

offering in our general communities. And you know, I

think that as entrepreneurs, we forget we really are the

backbone of our communities. You know, they're the people come to

us for donations for local charities. They come to us to

volunteer at events. You know, we hire people within our

communities to try to help us to achieve our goals and

objectives, and we really are a catalyst for success, and I

think we get so insular that we forget that really what we're

doing is goes above and beyond just the business and the you

know the corporate name that we've established and the things

that we're doing. We really provide so much in our

communities.

Well, and our reputation is dependent on all

of that. Absolutely.

Yeah. So that's

absolutely.

All right. So I'm just going to digress for a

moment. I'll come back for one last question about about what

we're talking about. But do I want to know how you just how

you take in information these days? Do you read a lot? Are you

a reader? Do you read books or or or e-books or do you watch

YouTube videos? Do you watch television or do you love going

to movies or how do you get your?

You know what? I think my inspiration or my

connectivity with the world comes from reading and from

these one-to-one conversations that I have with people around

the world. I don't own a TV. I don't have a TV. I haven't had a

TV in my house for over 20 years.

Oh wow.

I don't listen to the news, and I don't read the

newspaper because I feel it's just too much negative energy.

So I take my inspiration on a daily basis from the people that

I meet, and I say, you know, Mondays are the days that I

connect with individuals where they can book time in my

calendar, and I so look forward to those Mondays because they

actually provide inspiration for the entire week. You know, I say

I get to travel all over the world on Monday. I never pack a

suitcase and I never leave my house.

Oh, I love

it! But I have the opportunity to meet so many

amazing people. Yeah, that then opens the doors to other things.

That so I always try to leave time in my schedule, for the

what ifs or the you know you need to connect with with so and

so because I just think that inspiration is really what fuels

our energy.

So I'm curious, do you pick up the phone to call

people?

I do most of my calls on Zoom, so most of it is

on Zoom, so that we can do it face to face. And because we're

international and we're dealing with time zone issues and all of

that sort of thing, it just makes it easy. Yeah. But I do

do, you know, I'll even put, you know, I'll send a text message

to someone and I'll say, "Do you want to do an old-fashioned

phone call?

Yeah.

And you know, I'll get a response. What with

question marks like what an old fashioned phone call.

Yeah,

but yeah, I do do old fashioned phone calls

because I think that there's nothing like the connection of

seeing someone's face. Well, I agree. I agree. Yeah, I know

that you've got a podcast, and this will also be on YouTube.

But just think of how different our conversation would be if we

couldn't see one another.

I know, I know, right? What was that? There was

a noise outside. We've had bears here. Oh, jeez. Yes, the other

day my my daughter and my granddaughter biked over here,

and I wasn't quite home yet. And they came up our our complex

driveway, and halfway up to our place, which is at the back of

the complex, and there were two bears that were there, and they

panicked. They didn't know what to do, so they were like moving

aside, and the bears weren't really interested in them. But

anyway,

they're more afraid of of us than we are of them.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's just one of those things. So you

know, it's funny. I, I just saw something. I do, I do look at

social media sometimes in the morning just to see if there's

anything I've missed, and I usually have. And today I had

missed that there was a terrible thing that happened in, I think

it was in Ontario. You're in Ontario, right? It was a a

synagogue that some gun yeah well I hadn't seen it because I

don't watch the news my husband does and I said did was

something he said yeah that was yesterday no it was actually

Sunday and I just saw it but some things I need to know about

you know even though they're horrific and I and that's the

problem sometimes with not paying attention to the news but

generally speaking it's not worth paying attention to.

Anyway, so what's it? What are you reading these days? I'm

curious.

You know what? I'm reading a book that has

inspirational quotes every single morning. So my husband

and I get up, we have our coffee, I open the book, and I

read the quote, and that's how we start our conversation for

the day.

Oh, I love it,

and it's 365 days. So there's 365 thought-provoking

things in this particular book. Oh, cool! And that's really what

I'm reading at the moment. I just came back from holiday, so

I read lots of you know novels. Oh,

okay. What was the what was the best one you

read,

yeah. Funnily enough, I always read about

stories of women who overcome obstacles, and they're like the

you know the hero in the end. So I I think I read three books in

a week, which is really unusual for me. And they were all about

women who had had some sort of challenge in life, and they had

to reinvent themselves and come out the other side with a smile

on their face, and you know, so

nonfiction or all

nonfiction. Oh,

okay, okay, yeah, okay. Because I just read, I

don't read very much, and I just went on a on a a tear and read

like five books in a row and bestsellers, and there were two

books that have stayed with me. One is the correspondent, which

is written in letters, and it's about a woman who's 72, and she

was a bit of a tyrant in her day, but she's writing. It's

amazing book. It's going to be a movie with Jane Fonda probably,

and and the other one was Theo of Golden, which is a beautiful

story. So if you ever want to go to fiction, they're both worth

reading. Very, very heartfelt messages in both of them. Yeah,

and you know I think that that's the beauty of

now becoming an author, right? Because there are so many

amazing books to read. When we had our in-person event this

year, one of the things that I asked was everybody to come with

a book that they wanted to share with the group that they had

read either in the last year or in the last six months, or that

they had written that had changed either their life or

their business in one way. And that's where I actually got the

this particular book that my husband and I are sharing came

from. That so every single person came with a book title

that they had read or that they had written, and shared with us

the reason why they felt that it was yeah. So that's kind of

interesting. Yeah,

that's amazing. So this has been great. So last

If someone listening wants to become a better

connector, which is one small step they could take.

I think you have to open up, be willing to open up

your rolodex, and be brave and bold enough to introduce people

because that's also a skill. You know, to be able to say, I've

I've met this wonderful person, and you know Janice is amazing,

and tell a little bit something about Janice, and then introduce

her to someone that you also feel is amazing. And so I think

you need to take a leap of faith to open up your rolodex. And I

also think you need to have the courage and the conviction to

introduce people that you really truly feel will make a

connection.

Yeah, I agree. I think it's an art, and I and or

it's a skill, but there's an art to it, right? Yes. Yeah. So

thank you for that. Let's tell our audience where they can find

your your work, your share your stories online. Because yeah,

and then I'll put it in the show notes as well, of course.

Sure. So our our website is shareyourstories dot

online, and on our homepage is a connection to our podcast.

There's a little video about what we do and how we do it. I

do have an Instagram account, which is under my name. We have

a Facebook group, which is under Invest in Yourself, and we also,

obviously, on LinkedIn, we have a corporate page.

ShareYourStories online is on LinkedIn as well, so you can

find us through those various different platforms to make a

connection.

Thank you. That's wonderful. Thank you, Trish.

You've you kind of reminded us that being curious about other

people is one of the most valuable things that any of us

can do in business, and I totally feel that way anyway. So

we're concurrence there. I encourage you to head over to

ShareYourStories online to meet the entrepreneurs that Trish has

featured and see if your story belongs there too. And until

next time, keep building relationships That matter stay

connected and be remembered.