How to Know What You Truly Desire

Because the reality is, most of us have spent our

entire lives believing our thoughts and thinking that voice

in our head is who we are. Right? You think it's your

voice. It's like the narrator of your story, the narrator of your

life movie. And yet, the truth is, the voice in your head is

not you. So that's why this whole manifestation conversation

and and chasing your desires and trying to create a life that you

think is the life that's meant for you. One of the questions

that was asked was how to know the difference between like

thrill seeking and like chasing pleasure versus like really

connecting to your own true pleasure and desires. So if you

are trying to manifest or control your life from your

mind, wrong focus, my love. Wrong focus. Get connected to

your body.

Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the New Truth podcast. Kate here for

a solo episode this week. I am still in North America. I am

just at the very tail end of my two month trip. It has been a

two days in Paris, two weeks in California, and six

weeks in British Columbia, Vancouver, and camping and

spending time with my four-year-old niece, which has

been the best. And spending time with friends and family, and it

has been very full-on over here. I'm definitely feeling North

American burnt out, and excited to go back to my spacious,

luscious African life that I am leading these days. So, have

really enjoyed my time here, and as always, I have lots of

reflections and notices about the culture and lifestyle in

North America. I know everyone lives all over the world

listening to the new truth, but for I know that there's a large

percentage of women that live in North America and the Western

world, and yeah, it's just fascinating being here and

witnessing how people live, and I can see so clearly why I don't

live here. My schedule fills up so much when I'm here, and it

just feels like go go go do do do do do do. And of course, I am

very devoted to waking up every morning and meditating, and you

know, staying connected with myself. And I'm noticing a

different level of groundedness that I'm experiencing this year

here, even though I've been so busy, there's always so much

going on. So yeah, it's been very full on, and I I had to

move away in order to build a life that is slow and spacious.

And as as a projector in human design, I absolutely can't live

at the pace of the life here, and so yeah, moving to Greece

was my first step. And I'm actually headed to Greece tomorrow.

I'm going to Greece for a few days, and then I head to Nairobi

from there. And yeah, it just really taught me to slow down

and to create space, and and now I can't live any other way

except for a short stint when I'm visiting North America. So

yeah, it's it's a fascinating thing to be a witness to it now,

rather than be wrapped up in it. And I hope that you find some.

You know, even when I lived here, I did, I did take

responsibility for my own energy, and that is something

that no matter where you are in the world, that you can

cultivate and you can create. And I hope this episode inspires

you to do so. So the reason I'm doing this episode is because

one of my one of the heroines I'm working with, she and a

friend sent me a Voxer just asking some questions that were

follow up questions from the episode with Leah about

manifestation, and they're great questions. Questions I hear a

lot. Two different questions I hear a lot about manifestation

is how to know the difference between like a truth in your

body and a and a like sort of a scripted desire versus a real

desire, a soul desire. So we're going to unpack that today. And

you know, one of the questions that was asked was how to know

the difference between like thrill seeking and like chasing

pleasure versus like really really connected connecting to

your own true pleasure and desire. So, we're going to

unpack all of that today, because you know it's such a big

topic, manifestation.

And as you know, I'm not huge, even though we, of course, use

the title, use the word in the title. Leah's teachings are all

quite aligned with mine in terms of manifestation, and and she

just uses that word. That's that's her language for her

spiritual teachings. And yet, I'm not a huge fan of the word

manifestation because you know. Also, it's interesting the order

of these episodes. I did the episode on letting go of

control. Then Leah and I came on together and did the how to

manifest a life that feels. As good as it looks, and now this

episode is about how to truly know what you desire. Now, in my

experience, most people are manifesting from control, right?

They're trying to control what their life looks like, and so

the point, like I really, really want to want to help unpack for

you today how to know what part of you is is co-creating with

life, right? Because you know women that work with me that are

on this journey with me deeply into it know that your saboteur

will pretend to be your soul.

Your saboteur will pretend to be your heroine, and she will

convince you that she knows you know what you desire, and that

and she will constantly be chasing a life that might not be

the life that's meant for you, and so it's such a big question.

And even distinguishing the difference between your truth

and really knowing what's coming from your compass and what's

coming from your mind, because the reality is most of us have

spent our entire lives believing our thoughts and thinking that

voice in our head is who we are, right? You think it's your

voice. It's like the narrator of your story, the narrator of your

your movie, the life your life movie. And yet, the truth is,

the voice in your head is not you. So that's why this whole

manifestation conversation and and chasing your desires and

trying to create a life that you think is the life that's meant

for you. You know, I sit back and ask, like, okay, every woman

wants the same life. What? How is that possibly your soul,

right? If everyone's saying the same thing, I just want a

husband. I just want to get married. I just want to have

kids. I just want a house. Of course, there's exceptions to this.

Occasionally, I'll meet a woman who doesn't want those things,

but for the most part, everyone's desires are exactly

the same. I'll tell you right away. That's the script. That's

not desire. And yet, if you're living your life and the the the

thoughts in your head are dictating how you're perceiving

reality and what you're perceiving, you desire. If it's

coming from your mind, it's not your desires. That's not where

your desires come from. So the thoughts in your head are mostly

conditioned. They're not you. You know those beliefs you have,

those judgments, the complaints, the victim mentality, the

fear-based thinking, the obsession over the external

world, trying to get something from someone else, the belief. I

was just chatting with a heroine on our call this morning about

chasing the the next thing, and or thinking, you know, I okay, I

just need to like get my ax out of my life and finally get a

divorce and finally be complete with that chapter and then and

then I'll feel better. Oh, I just need to quit my job. Like

definitely this is not the right job for me. Then I'll feel

better. Oh, I just need to attract that love. Then I'll

feel better. Right? Your mind will never stop laying that trap

for you. I'll feel better when I'll feel better when I lose 10

pounds. I'll feel better when I get some Botox. I'll feel better

when better when better when. Your mind will never stop

planting seeds that you'll feel better when it is a

self-fulfilling prophecy. So that's why in the work that I do

with women, the coaching methodology or teaching

methodology that I developed is called the expanded love method,

and it allows us to expand into the love that we are and the

life that we were meant for. To actually be able to receive life

and love from the truth of who we are, not from the conditioned

self.

The conditioned self is the voice in your head. That is the

programming. That is the script. Okay, we've all been fed the

same script. That's why everyone wants the same thing. That's why

I've been to I've been a bridesmaid 11 times, and all the

weddings, for the most part, felt the same. It was like the

same stick in a few new people, same thing, same script, same

process, same lines. Oh, it was the best day of our life. Oh,

like everyone says the same thing, like robots, right? Now

we're getting to see ChatGPT and how how I want to I want to ask

the question, like, have you? Can you tell now when a when an

email is written by ChatGPT? I feel like throwing up in my

mouth every time I read an email that's written by AI, right?

It's so obvious. It's like it might be poetic and seemingly

beautiful, but it feels dead inside. And they all kind of

have the same cadence and the same. And I used it at the

beginning. I was like, okay, I'm going to use it a little bit for

you know whatever writing show notes for the podcast or little things.

But I could see like I just now that I know what it looks like

for my own writing. It's the same thing everywhere, and and

that's what your saboteur wants. Your saboteur wants your life to

look like everyone else's. The little girl inside of you

doesn't want to be different. She wants to fit in. She wants

to belong. Therefore, she's going to believe. The stories in

your saboteur mind, in your conditioned self, your scripted

self, that are what you want. She's going to convince you that

you have to have them, and if you don't have them, there's

something wrong with you. And then once you get them, guess

what she's going to do? She's going to convince you there's

something wrong with you, and you need something else. She's

going to look for something else, right? She's never gonna

stop chasing that external validation that you fit in to

the group, right? That everybody else is married, so you need to

be married. Everybody else, oh, I can't be the third wheel. It's

like when you're home inside of yourself, you don't notice if

you're surrounded by couples or single people, you don't even

identify with any of those labels because you're rooted in

you and you're present in the moment in the experience you're

having. But if your conditioned saboteur self is at the helm of

your life, you are going to be actively looking for all the

ways that you're falling behind, missing out, not following the

timeline, you know, not meeting the mark, and your saboteur is

going to be actively trying to make things happen to get the

thing you think you're supposed to have, so that you prove your

value, you prove your worth, you prove to your parents that you

have made it, that you you know proved that little girl inside

that she's good enough and worthy and lovable, and yet none

of those things are ever going to make her feel good enough,

worthy or lovable.

Only for a minute, only for a week. So when you are exploring

the conversation of desire, it's an exploration, and Mama Gina,

who was one of my significant teachers at the beginning of my

journey, Mama Gina Regina Thomasauer, who is the author of

the book Pussy A Reclamation. She also just wrote a book

called On Her Knees and the School of Womanly Arts. Those

are her three books. I think she's. I think that's. Those are

the yeah, all that she's done. Well, not all that she's done a

lot. 30 years she's been leading women to come back home to

themselves and their own pleasure. And one of the things

that she says is to become a researcher of your own pleasure.

And I love that. So how do I know what is my pleasure? I have

to be connected to my sensation, my body, how I feel, and be

spending way less time hanging out in the stories of my mind,

right? So even on manifesting your desires, this is why I

encourage you not to spend so much time manifesting because

it's it's often control. You don't need to control where your

life is going.

Life has a pretty cool story in store for you if you're willing

to surrender and just pay attention to your inner

experience. Because the reality, we did say this on the episode

last week. Whatever you're chasing, whatever you're you you

think you want, the only reason you think you want those things

is because of how you think you're gonna feel when you have

them. Oh, finally! If I meet a guy who's like the perfect match

for me in every way, and he's conscious and he sees me and he

loves me and he understands me, then I will finally feel like I

matter. Then I will finally feel like I'm lovable, then I'll

finally feel like I'm good enough, and and and the part of

you that's feeling that's questioning any of those things,

your worth, your lovability, your good enoughness, is a

little girl who had many things happen to her when she was

little, who got pulled away from the magic of her own soul and

told to be a certain way and to be good, and to be right, and to

follow someone else's rules and someone else's guidelines.

And she watched movies and stories about what her life was

supposed to look like. She watches social media, and

magazines and shows to see what she's supposed to look like. And

that little girl is so lost. She's so confused. And so, if

she is the one making the choices in your life and trying

to manifest something, it's coming from your wounding. It's

coming from your insecurity. But the truth is, when you root more

and more and more into the sovereign woman that's inside,

and this is what I do with women. So you know, if you're

ready, if you you listen to all these episodes, and you want to

go deeper, and you don't get how to do it on your own. This is

I've devoted my life to helping women live from this place of

the sovereign woman to become the divine mother to that little

girl inside, so that she's no longer looking for everything

outside of her to validate her and to make her feel good enough

and worthy and lovable. And then, when you're living from

sovereign woman, you just get to let life lead because there is

so much in store for you, and it's only the the part of us

that feels like we need to control it is the part of us

that's afraid if we don't control it that that that we'll

never get to have. Those things that we think we want-that we'll

never have love, we'll never have abundance, we'll never have

joy, we'll never have like all that we're afraid we're not

going to have it, so we try and control it, right?

But it's the conditioned mind and that wounded little girl

that's trying to control the thing, thinking, "Okay, finally,

I'll feel worthy when I get that thing, you might not be a

conscious thought, but that's what's driving it underneath a

part of you that feels like you're falling behind, like

you're doing life wrong, like you have to be like everyone

else. But I promise you, this is when women build a life that

just looks like everyone else. That's when you end up with eat,

pray, love syndrome, like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray

Love, waking up one day, looking around at your great on paper

life, and feeling like, oh my God, I feel dead inside. I have

everything I ever wanted, quote unquote, my mind, my conditioned

self, and I still feel dead inside. Why? Because you didn't

become a researcher of your own pleasure, because you didn't go

on an exploratory journey to get to know what lights you up, what

feels good in your body. When you take your attention off of

what everyone else is doing, this is one of the most

important things to uncovering your own desires. You've got to

stop looking at everyone around you, and thinking you need to

look like them, or be like them, or have what they have, or be at

the place that they're at. If you are looking externally to

what you're supposed to want and what your life should look like,

and the word "should" is anywhere in there. Here's what I

should have. Here's where I should be.

Here's what my life should be at this point on the timeline. You

are in your scripted conditioned self, and that is not you, my

friend. That is not who you are, and you will only get to know

who you truly are when you stop comparing. Comparison. I

remember comparison. There's a quote: "Comparison is the thief

of joy, but I actually think comparison is the thief of life.

Like absolutely everything that you are meant to experience, you

can't experience if you're living in your saboteur ego mind

in your head and thinking your life should be different, right?

It's externally sourcing, so the pleasure researcher spends, and

in order to know your desires and your pleasure, it's really a

moment-to-moment practice. It's not like I think we've been so

trained to think we have to have a plan, right? So all the

planners want to manifest their future. They want to know like

where is this ship going, right? Like I gotta have a plan and I

gotta formulate the plan and figure everything out. When I'm

around people who are scripted, like when I'm in North America,

it's hilarious. People are like, "So you're living in Africa? Are

you gonna be there forever? And I'm like what, and they're like,

did you always plan to not have kids? I'm like, what? No, I

still haven't made that choice.

Even though I'm 45, I think I said that on an episode

recently, maybe it was last week. But it's um, it's just

fascinating to see people are like, wait, so what's your plan?

Or did you plan this? And I'm like, no, actually, I fucking

burned the plan about 10 years ago, and I started to let life

lead. And all of a sudden, I have this amazing podcast, this

extraordinary body of work that I birthed. That I that 10 years

ago, I'm leading international retreats all over the world in

Greece, in Kenya, in Japan, in Egypt, in India-like that's

that's coming. That's been recently seeded, but it's like

all these amazing things are happening. I'm living this

amazing life in the jungle in Kenya, and I have this

extraordinary community of soul sisters, and I'm creating and

I'm birthing new elements to my business, and I have the most

amazing. Like my life is filled with love and adventure and joy

and and magic, and I'm not planning any of it, none of it.

And that and and let me tell you a secret. Well, it's probably

not a secret. I probably told you it before, but let me tell

you a secret: the life that the universe has in store for you is

way fucking better than anything your mind will ever conjure.

That's why Elizabeth Gilbert sat inside of her Brooklyn brownstone.

She was living this amazing life. She had this really cool

job traveling the world. She had this doting, gorgeous husband.

She had these amazing friends. She'd go for these cool parties.

She had this like really full life, and her best friend had a

baby, and she her and she was just like in this life and just

was like not wanting any of it. Why? Because she didn't wasn't

connected to her soul. If you are not connected to your soul,

you can't really enjoy. Your life, you might have a moment,

but then, but then you need antidepressants and anti-anxiety

medication to feel good, or then you know if you're not living

the life that your soul's meant to live, you'll feel anxious

because anxiety is simply a signal from your body saying

you're not going, you're not following your soul, you're

going against it, you're not you're not believing thoughts

that are true. You're believing thoughts that are false. Like

every time there is anxiety, it is simply discord in your body.

Your body is an instrument, and when it is out of tune, when you

are not in resonance with someone, like if you are

surreal, if you are forcing yourself to hang out with your

lifelong friend that you feel horrible to be around, that is

going to create a ton of anxiety because it doesn't feel

resonant, right? An instrument when an instrument is in tune,

when an instrument is playing in harmony, it is resonant, right?

Everyone in the room can feel it in their bodies. That's how your

life should feel.

Right, your body is your instrument, and your body is

telling you whether something is resonant or not. So, if I'm

talking to you on the podcast and something I say really lands

and really resonates, it's because your soul already knows

it to be true. I'm not saying something you've never you

didn't know. Same with Dr. Joe Dispenza. Same with Mama Gina.

Same with Oprah. Doesn't matter who you're listening to. Whoever

you're listening to, if you feel deep resonance in your body,

it's because you already know it to be true. It's aligned with

your soul. So your if you start to take all of your attention

off what everyone else is doing. Fucking burn the timeline.

Delete everything you think you know. I I want to even say let

go of the story you think you're supposed to have. If you think

you're supposed to have love and one partner forever, let it go.

You think you're supposed to have kids right now, let it go.

You think you're like, and when I say let it go, people are

like, "But how, Kane? I can't let it go. Give it to the

universe. Be like, okay, I think I want these things, but for

now, I'm going to practice being a blank slate. Remember that

song, 'Unwritten. The rest is still unwritten. Staring at a

blank page before me. Open up the dirty window.

Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find reaching

for something in the distance so close I can almost taste it.

Release your inhibitions. Feel the rain on your skin. No one

else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. These are

amazing lyrics. No one else can feel the rain on your skin.

Right? Everyone's missing it. Everyone's walking around with

umbrellas and raincoats, missing the feeling of the rain on their

skin. This is a metaphor, right? Your body is the indicator, but

most people's bodies are so anxious, and their nervous

systems are so flooded and so dysregulated, and then they're

taking all this food or medication or alcohol or

whatever. They're finding some way to numb out, to disconnect,

to self-medicate, and then they're like beating themselves

up for not having the life they think they're supposed to have,

and then they're trying to date and trying to control getting

the things they think they're supposed to have. Meanwhile,

their instrument is so fucking out of tune; they're not like

paying attention, right? So, in order to feel the resonance of

your instrument, first off, you got to take care of your

instrument, right?

How to become a researcher of your own pleasure? Well, if you

are not anywhere home in your body, you will you will miss the

signals. The signals are always there, though, they are always

there, and yet most people are so busy living to that living

and following the narrator in their mind. That is your

conditioned self. That is literally who you've been taught

to be since you were born, all the programming, all the movies,

all the TV shows, all the people around you, all the other

people's beliefs, other people's religious programming, school

system programming, societal programming, cultural

programming, your family system programming. There is a lot of

programming in your mind, you think it's who you are. It is

not. In my work with women, they name that part of themselves. If

you haven't done the expanded love masterclass, there's a mini

course on my website and on my Instagram that you can download

and do, just so you can understand your saboteur a

little bit more. But you-that is your conditioned self, right?

She's a fantasy addict. She's constantly painting stories as

to what your life is supposed to be, so you feel discord that

robs you from actually experiencing right here, right

now. The rest is unwritten. How do you know you're on your

soul's path? You cannot see the path. So if I'm going to spend

all my time deciding. What my life future is going to be, I

think it's kind of a waste of time, right? So Leah's

manifestation message last week is really about becoming the

frequency and living from the frequency, and then you get to

attract all those things that you want. And if you're not

meant to experience it in the form that you thought you were

something better will come along, right?

But you don't need to control it. It's energy. So, how to know

what you truly desire? You have to create space internally. You

have to create space inside. So, build a practice of meditation.

Meditate. I sucked at meditation. I my voice was my

saboteur stories in my mind were so loud that I could barely

meditate. So I started laying down. I started with guided

meditations, and that was more helpful for me to keep my mind

engaged. Yoga nidra is another thing that helped me in the

beginning, and then years of practicing. Now I just can sit

in meditation. I'm pretty much meditating all the time. Like I

just drove on a road trip with my parents, and we probably

drove like at least 30 hours over the span of a couple weeks.

And I just sat in the back of the car and was present, looking

out the window, breathing, being, and it wasn't hard. I'm

about to get on a plane tomorrow and fly to Greece, and then I'm

flying from Vancouver to Greece, which is far five hours and then

nine hours, and then two days later I'm flying to Kenya or

three, four days later, whatever.

Couple days later I'm flying to Kenya, and that flight is I I

actually booked an extra long version because I'm flying

backwards, I'm going to France and then from France to Kenya,

just because the arrival times and departure times are much

nicer than the ones than the Turkish airlines I've normally

flyed through. But regardless, it's okay because I'm present.

So I'm like meditation is not just a box to check off; it's a

way of living and experiencing life. It's it's just about being

present, and that's living from your heroin presence of trusting

the unfolding, of following the internal compass, of listening

and paying attention to resonance. Right. So start to

pay attention to the resonance in your body. What do you feel

when you're around certain people, who do you feel the most

amazing to be around? Spend your time with those people. Who do

you feel horrible to be around? Go look in the mirror and figure

out what activates you about them, because it's all a

reflection of what's happening inside of you. It's not about

them, but like the people who trigger you, you know, activate

you in a painful way. They have something to teach you. There's

something they're embodying that you're shut down from, even if

they're in the shadow of that thing, right? So, for example,

if you're a people pleaser and you're really selfless and you

never say no and you never ask for what you want, you're gonna

be triggered by people who are selfish, who ask for what they

want, who go after what they want, who do the thing that's

best for them, and put themselves first.

Abraham Hicks says in her teachings, "We should all be

selfish. This is your life. If you're not choosing to choose

things that are for you, who's going to do it? Nobody. You've

just been brainwashed as a woman that you're not supposed to do

anything for yourself, and everyone else comes first, and

you don't even come at all. You don't even, literally and

figuratively, you don't even come at all. That it's not about

you. That your life is not your own. That's bullshit. That's

patriarchy. That's conditioning, right? That's a conditioned

self. So if you're triggered by some selfish man in your life,

go sit in front of the mirror and and start to become him and

in activate those selfish parts of you, so that you can find

that place in the middle where you're centered within yourself,

and your life is for you, right? It doesn't mean you're going to

be hurt in everyone else. Everyone else's experience of

you is is a reflection of them. It's not about you. You get to

be selfish. You get to be centered within yourself. This

is your life, and if you're not going to do it, nobody's going

to do it for you. So, if you're triggered by someone, it's a

reflection. If you're activated by someone in a pleasurable way,

it's also a reflection of your own feelings, your own heart,

your own love, your own turn on your own pleasure.

So rather than being like, "Oh my God, I need, I actually had a

chat with a heroine about this this morning. Like how we often

think when we're self-pleasuring, quote unquote,

that we need to have a man to to fantasize about in order to to

get off and in order to feel pleasure. What if you were to

start just paying attention to the pleasure in your body, and

even if you're self-pleasuring, that you're just feeling

sensation and feeling the pleasure? That's what becoming a

pleasure researcher is. Go to a dance class, you know, a sensual

slow dance class. Notice how it feels in your body, right? Start

to pay attention to the nuances. Do do some breath work in

meditation and notice the sensation in your body. Notice

what it opens. Notice how it feels. Right? We spend so much

time giving credit to everyone else for our pleasure, and also

blaming everyone else for our pain, and yet everything is an

inside job. Everything is about you. It's all a reflection of

what's happening inside of you. So, someone asked me the

question of how to know the difference between like thrill

seeking and like from your saboteur. Like probably an

affair would fall into this category. Like you want pleasure

and you're not having sex anymore, and you hate your

husband, and whatever, but you don't want to get divorced, so

you just like are out there having an affair, and you get

high on the affair.

It's like the saboteur version of seeking pleasure versus true

pleasure. How do you know the difference? You're externally

sourcing. You think something else is your pleasure, right? It

doesn't mean things outside of yourself aren't going to

activate you. So if you're connected to your body, first of

all, if you're in a marriage that's not aligned and you're

not willing to look at that, that's another conversation.

Maybe that's another episode. But your pleasure is your own.

Your pleasure is your own. So to become a researcher of your

pleasure. Okay, read the book "Pussy: A Reclamation. I'm sure

Mama Gina's next book, "On Her Knees, is is beautiful too. I

haven't read it though, but it's like you become very curious

about what pleasures you, right? And over time, you discover more

and more and more. So for me, like one thing that really

pleasures me is living summer sunny. Well, I used to live in

Vancouver, and in Vancouver it rains a lot. It's gray a lot.

It's the weather is not bright and sunny. And I even had an

astrologer tell me I was supposed to live places that

were warm and sunny, and that doesn't mean I'm out there sun

worshiping, and I just need blue sky. It brings me pleasure.

Also, living somewhere that's really slow because my body

loves to move slow. I'm a projector, right? So it doesn't

mean I don't move my body. I don't exercise.

But when I exercise, I don't just go to the gym and go for

runs and do what I think I'm supposed to do to lose weight or

to get fit. No, I only do exercise that feels deeply

pleasurable. It doesn't mean it's not hard. I've started

doing leggree. If you've done leggree before, oh my god, it's

so hard. I did it yesterday. I'm doing it again today, and then I

have two days in Athens, and or a few three days in Athens. I've

booked a Pilates class already for when I'm there. I'm going to

be as soon as I get back to Kenya. I'll be back to my dojo

gym that I love. That's like dance classes and yoga and

Pilates and and boxing and weight training. But a certain,

I only go to certain teachers that I know the class is at like

what the type of pace that I enjoy. I just tried pickleball

for the first time the other day, and it was so much fun. So

probably I'm going to play paddle ball when I get to Kenya

because paddle ball is their version of pickleball. So it's

like I only do things that I love. Like I don't just go to

the gym because my saboteur is like you need to lose weight or

you need to get fit or you need to blah blah blah.

I don't go where I think I'm supposed to go because

everyone's going there, and I used to do that. And when I did,

that's when I'd be like, oh, I fell off the wagon. Oh yeah, I'm

like I used I went to the gym in March, but I can't get back on

the wagon, or whatever that story. That's just because

you're forcing yourself to do something that doesn't feel

good. But when you devote your life to feeling good and to

becoming like an expert of your own pleasure, like singing, I

love singing, so I'm singing all the time. If I could find a

choir in Nairobi, if you know of a choir in Nairobi, let me know.

In Karen, particularly, but I love to sing in a choir. I love

to sing, right? So when I was in Vancouver, I was taking dance

classes. I was singing in a choir. I was doing all these

things that I know bring me deep, deep, deep pleasure. So if

you don't know what you desire, but you spend more time thinking

you know, right? Thinking-that's a key word. Thinking versus

feeling. Thinking is your conditioned mind. Thinking is

who you've been taught to be, and what you think you should

look like, and your life supposed to look like, and where

you should be on the timeline. That's not who you are. When you

were three years old, you were following your desires.

Period. You are following pleasure, and you are not afraid

to feel pain, and you didn't blame anyone for it. When you

were two, you just cried your eyes out till you were done. You

raged till you were done. You might have been mad in the

beginning because someone stole your toy, but then three minutes

into it, you certainly have forgotten who that why you were

crying to begin with. But you just get to the bottom of it,

and then once you're done crying. Where are you? You're

you're you're feeling pleasure again, and you're following your

joy. You're following what feels good. You're you're doing the

thing that's pleasurable. So if you're thrill seeking, that's

when you're chasing something outside of yourself to feel

good, and you're buying into the illusion that you just need

more, more. It feels more like a heroin addiction versus being

the heroine. They're spelt differently, right? The heroin

drug addiction. If you feel like nothing's enough, that's the

thing. That's how you know you're you're saboteur. And I

see it so much here when I'm in North America. I feel it.

Everyone's chasing something, but nobody's home.

Nobody's experiencing anything, and not nobody, but you know the

majority of the people. Nobody's experiencing anything, and

they're so busy chasing everything and labeling everyone

and labeling everything, and everyone's on drugs for

something, and it's like wild to me to see how disconnected

people are here, and and yet we have this extraordinary resource

inside, like there's an extraordinary look at animals.

They're not depressed. The animals in the wild, they're not

depressed. They're they're eating when they want to eat.

They're sleeping when they want to sleep. They're sunbathing

when they want to sunbathe. They go to the river. I'm thinking

the elephants. They go to the river when they want to be in

the river. They stand under a tree when they need shade.

They're just following their body in resonance. Period. You

are an animal. I am an animal. Why are we doing anything

different, right? People are so confused because we're listening

to the programmed mind.

That every time you turn on a movie or the news or a show,

it's programming you more, right? Every time you listen to

music is programming you more and then you're like no Kate

this is my desire I want my life to look like exactly this and I

want a picket fence and I want a six foot four guy and I want

blah blah blah blah blah blah conditioning conditioning

conditioning we can't know what we want the rest is unwritten

your only job, I would say, get out of the past and get out of

the future, and just be here and notice sensation. It's so much

simpler. Your mind will try and complicate it. It's not

complicated. Pay attention to sensation. Spend more time

building your capacity to be, which that's where meditation helps.

The more you sit and meditate and breathe, just feel your

sensation, feel the music. If you're listening to music or the

birds or whatever you're listening to, breathe and just

be. The more capacity you build for that, the more connection

you have to your body and your sensations, and then when you're

out there in the world, your yeses and noes are so clear. I

cannot go against my body anymore. It's just not an

option. It's not like not even for one second. Not for I will

not sell my body out ever. If it's a no, I listen. I honor it.

Doesn't matter if it makes no sense. Like when everyone was

getting vaccinated and my body said no during the pandemic. It

was just a no, and I listened. Right, I did everything. I never

will go against resonance, and when my body is a yes to

something, I follow it and I explore it and I get to know it.

Right, get to know your pleasure. Get curious about your

instrument. Take care of your instrument. Oh my God! It's a

line from that Bez Lehrman song, the sunscreen song. Go play it

after this episode. It's so good. From 1998, it's a song

dedicated to the class of '99, which is funny that I feel so

connected to it.

And I graduated in '99. I was the class of '99. Always wear

sunscreen. But one of the lines, there's so many zingers in that

song. It's so good. Enjoy. No, he says, take care of your body.

It is the greatest instrument you will ever own. I have

goosebumps. Take care of your body. Do you take care of your

body? Do you pay attention? Do you only you know eat food that

tastes good, but then it feels horrible after? Like, do you pay

attention to how you feel after you eat? You know, like for me

now, if I eat sugar, like dessert, which I have, not not

gluten dessert. I can't have gluten at all anymore. My body

does not let me. But if I have sugar, it's wild. Even smart

sweets, the candy that are low sugar or no sugar, almost no

sugar. They're like sweetened with stevia. I still feel sick

after. Like it's wild. I feel exhausted and sick. So I, I, I

don't want it even a bite of it. It's I'm so sensitive to it. So

notice how you feel before, during, and after you eat food.

Right. True pleasure is is nourishing before, during, and

after, right? So pay attention. Take care of your instrument.

Take care of your body, and then pay attention to the resonant.

What feels out of tune? What what choices are you making in

your life that are giving you discord? So you see how knowing

what you truly desire is just in this present moment. It's not in

you pre-planning in your mind what you think your future is

supposed to be. You don't need to do that. You can, you can,

but you don't need to.

Like life has something amazing in store if you're willing to

have the courage to follow those yeses and get to know what

lights you up, and listen to it, and honor the nose. Right? Life

will keep showering you with amazing experiences. Like I

wouldn't. I think I said this in the episode last week. I

couldn't have pre-planned my life if I tried. I didn't

believe I was capable of having my own business. I didn't even

know about Africa. Like I just think of like all the variables

in my life now that I couldn't have sat down and made a vision

board for, right? I certainly knew how I wanted to feel, and

how do I feel now? Exactly that, just present and grounded and

calm, and you know, peaceful in my heart, satiated, turned on

most of the time because, like, my life is pleasurable. Why?

Because I'm actually in my body receiving it. So the body is is

the gateway to knowing desire, not the mind. So if you're

trying to manifest or control your life from your mind, wrong

focus, my love. Wrong focus. Get connected to your body, do yoga,

do meditation, go to take dance classes, do slow movement, do

breath work, do kundalini.

Like get out of your head and spend way more time connecting

with your body and honoring your body, like the sacred temple

that she is. Right, this instrument is a sacred temple

for your soul to shine, to thrive, or to suffer. If you're

if you're only listening to your programmed mind, your soul's

gonna suffer and ache inside because, and your body's gonna

ache with anxiety or depression because you're repressing who

you truly are. You're repressing your feelings. You're repressing

the magic of you. You're repressing the life that's meant

for you, right? So that's going to cause depression. That's

going to cause anxiety. You do not have a disorder. I'm not a

doctor, but hey, I've coached 1000s and 1000s of women, and at

this point, and I am confident to say, of course, again, I'm

not a doctor. Go to your doctor for advice, but yeah, I so many

women come to me and they think they have an anxiety disorder,

and then few months in of getting to know and listening to

the magic of their own soul and the the the the the resonance of

the body, like all of that goes away, right? You're just like

listening to the wrong part of you, and yeah, so stop comparing

yourself. If you're comparing yourself to everyone around you,

you're in your small conditioned self, and there's a little girl

who's trying to fit in, and you'll never feel like you fit.

You'll only feel like you fit when you belong to yourself and

your own soul's desires and your own heart and your own body.

And when you belong there, you can go anywhere. I never feel

like I don't fit. I can go anywhere. I can sit in a room

full of brainiacs that I don't relate to. I can live in a

country that I didn't grow up in, in a completely different

culture, and I never feel like I don't fit because I'm home. I

belong to myself, and you can too. So you got to create the

space to feel your pleasure. You have to stop comparing yourself

to everyone else's life and the life you think you're supposed

to have. Get the hell out of your head. Spend way less time

in your head trying to figure it all out, and come home and tune

your instrument, tend to your instrument, care for your

instrument, love your instrument, and then pay

attention to what lights her up, what feels resonant, what feels

like discord, and spend way more energy following the things that

you desire and the things that feel like a yes, and then when

there's a no, follow that too, right? But yes, it is it is just

the most life giving thing to like stop trying to force or

buying into the fantasy that I'll feel better when, and just

pay attention to the beautiful guidance of your body and your being.

She's always guiding you. She never stopped. So you've got

this. I believe in you. And if you have any further questions

on the topic, please reach out. But you deserve to have a life

that you love and that you desire, and I promise you, it's

possible. I've led so many women to this place inside of

themselves, and there's nothing that can touch it. You expand

your capacity to navigate everything, to make really

courageous choices and follow your heart and and go against

the grain and live a life that looks different from everyone

else, yeah, it's really a beautiful place to be. So if you

are desiring support, there's a couple spots left at the

immersion. Only a couple left at the next immersion. So if you're

desiring to come to the next immersion, which I only do it

once a year, it's not till May, but you're desiring some deeper

support. And the immersion's in Greece. If you don't know about

it, you can see it on my website, The Unscripted Woman.

But yeah, you're desiring support on how because you just

like listen to the episodes, but still are suffering so much.

It's time to have someone hold your hand and walk next to you

on the journey, and that's what I do. It's a really beautiful

path, and there's so much more that's possible for you, and you

are worth it. You deserve to show up for yourself in ways

that your mind might tell you otherwise. So, and it will tell

you otherwise. So, I believe in you. Sending you all the love.

Share this episode with every woman who you know needs to hear

it. And I will see you soon.