Experience of Doing the 12 Minute a Day Advanced Leadership of Self Methodology Versus Winging Life

Welcome to the Missing Secret podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

Hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So we've got a great show for you today, partly because both Kelly and I are refreshed, and after going on a little vacation over the last couple weeks, are you refreshed, Kelly?

I am refreshed, refreshed, recharged, and ready to go. There's nothing like unplugging and getting away, and how important, like how important that is, you know, for boring you to kind of do that reset. So no, I'm excited to be back, but it was wonderful to be we for a couple of weeks.

Right, right. Well, JJ and I went to Europe, went to Wimbledon, went to Paris and renewed our vows, and so it was totally fun. So, and we have a a great topic today. It's the title of it is the experience of doing the 12 minute a day advanced leadership of self methodology long term. What that what that looks like versus winging life, and so I have completed my book, Advanced Leadership of Self, and now I'm going back and making sure it it really is everything I want it to be, and so I want to make sure that I have properly articulated the impact in in very clear language, and so I think having this conversation with you would be immensely helpful. And so, you know, the the first place I I saw this methodology impact my life was just that sense of control over myself. I I saw well. I saw two things. I saw my perception of control over myself was much greater, which was helpful. Just that perception, but I also saw that I had actual more control over myself. Did did you did you have that same distinction?

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Being in control of myself became has become part of my identity. Right, and you know we can get into nuances as you kind of move through these, but I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, it's been an actual game changer in that area, for and and I think everybody who's listening can relate. Like one of the hardest things is feeling out of control. You know that's what causes overwhelm. You know that's what causes so many of our issues that stop us from progressing have to do with feeling out of control. So

right, right, and you know at the end of the day, all you want really is control over your life.

Yeah,

I mean, when you feel in control, you're confident. When you don't feel in control, you're not confident. So that was the first thing I saw, and and I know you probably felt this way too. Before I started doing this methodology. Always wondered if am I doing enough? Am I doing the right things? And after I started doing the methodology, I'm like, Hey, I got a plan. I'm executing the damn plan. What do What do I What do I have to be worried about? You know, and and I also saw the plan was continually evolving from reading it every day. Did you experience that as well?

Absolutely, I experienced that, and I think the, and I know we've talked about this so many times, and I'm going to say it again: the reduction of stress as a result of feeling more in control, being you know crystal clear, and knowing the things that I should focus on, and having more control over my thoughts, therefore my emotions. You know, and so understanding, like life, just became a lot simpler when I got a lot of clarity around the two things. The only two things I can control are my thoughts and my actions.

Right.

That's it, and that's what this you know methodology absolutely does for you. So, right, I couldn't agree with you more.

And I saw that previously when I was just winging life, I had intentions. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. But I was sporadic and actually, actually doing them consistently. And I know you had that same thing. And even in the book, I talk about you. You're you're there a number of times, and and but one of the best ones was your your example of fixing the internal problem you had of always answering people's problems, solving their their problems, and how you change that by asking a question, and so you you took what what was an intention that you were maybe doing sporadically to an intention you were doing consistently, right?

Yep, absolutely, and I think that's the that. I think is really something important that you pointed out is just that taking something from an intention, you know, to an action on a consistent basis because that is where my greatest challenge is for all the reasons we talk about from a science standpoint, how we're designed, how our brains are designed, you know. So as soon as you know, I was able to retrain my brain. In essence, you know that level of control. Yeah, I mean, it's just as Ben. I'm glad that you made this number one in your, you know, kind of the benefits,

right? Right,

Because it's huge

Right? Well, and the the other thing, and this is related to to control, is just the confidence, you know. Again, when you feel in control, you're confident. I tell you, I look at back in my life, I'm like, what a difference it is to live your life confidently versus not confidently. And you know, because we're wired for survival, and we're we're wired to be fear based. Most people are not living their life confidently, but by biologically they're wired not to live their life confidently. And I remember every every semester I teach my class early in the process, I talk about this and how they're wired for survival, and and how it makes you not live your life confidently. and And I basically go, listen, that is bullshit. Accepting that negative inner voice and and not living confidently is bullshit, irrespective of what you accomplish in life. Just that that internal experience of living life not confident is just unacceptable, and especially when there's so a way to fix it. And so you you buy that in regarding confidence.

I buy that in regarding confidence, and I'll go you know even one layer deeper on that is when you have that level of confidence, and like so, you are in control. We're talking about being in control and giving you, and you know, an exponential level of control in your life, and that creates that level of confidence for you. One thing I've noticed for me, and it goes hand in hand with confidence, is it's freed up my brain to trust my intuition. Like I can, because I have the level of confidence. Because I'm focused on taking the right actions, and I'm taking like I'm not questioning myself. Like God, is this the right? Right. Like I know I've got a knowing that comes along with having that level of control over my life that I didn't have before, frankly, because I spent a lot of time and well, gosh, am I? Is this the right path to go? Am I because I didn't have necessarily the clarity or the there are a lot of moving pieces that relate to getting this level of control that we're talking about. But that is a benefit as we're talking about this that I recognize is that I don't question my that voice,

right?

I can hear the voice loud and clear when the voice before had there was a lot of clutter around it, and I wasn't hearing the voice loud and clear.

Well, and it it really changes your relationship with yourself fundamentally, which happens to be the most important relationship in your life, and and that was, of course, I didn't know what to expect with any of this until I started doing it. But but I see now, ultimately, that's the greatest benefit: is it changes your relationship with yourself, and and it and you show up differently, and you operate from a position of of competence that maybe you didn't before.

One thing too, I want to mention with it changing the relationship with yourself. You just said something like how you move through the world changes, and then therefore your relationships that you have, the way that you interact with the world, with the people in your with the all of that changes, and so then again, energy begets energy, right? So like just the quality of all of your interactions and everything changes because you're changing. You're coming in more confidently. I mean, think about you know I think about this, you know, if you're walking into let's just say, you know, an important meeting where you're pitching something, you know, about your your business or your the role that you want with it, you're pitching something. If you're walking in and you're full of confidence and you have a like the weight you're received is very different than if you come in sweating, you know, disheveled, where you look like you're not.

I can't. I can't imagine you ever being that way.

No, I do remember when I first started the business. First started the business, so you know I'm in my mid 30s, and um, it the engineering was a new space. You know, so I'm sitting across from people who you know are getting ready to retire. Real experience, they're men, and I literally remember sitting there. You wouldn't have probably ever known it from looking at me, but under the table, like having to grab the top of my knees because they were literally knocking while I was sitting there, because it was just so new and I was so far out of my comfort zone. But, but yeah, my point being, like you can, the difference in how and how you are received by other people when you walk in with confidence versus when you don't. I gave an extreme example, but you know, if you're coming in and you're kind of stuttering and you don't seem prepared and you don't you don't have that confidence walking into you know a conversation of influence, then you get a different outcome, you know. So yeah,

Yeah. I think that that inner peace is is probably maybe the best thing of of all. I would

Really absolutely,

And you know, again, I touched on it a minute ago. Being able to eliminate that negative inner voice is is so important, and and I never had a tremendous negative voice. Did did you? I don't think you did either.

I did as a woman, as a girl growing up. Right. You know what I mean, because that's just tough. Right. You know. But but no, like I'm not somebody who moves through my day. You know, saying, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just did that! You're so stupid. You know what I mean? Like, I don't have that dialog in my head at all. Yeah,

Me neither. But you know, I see 80% of people do. I mean,

absolutely,

very bit as as strong as what you just said. And getting rid of that is great. The other thing I saw is in the template are built five high-performance skills that are proven to dramatically impact your results in your career, like being highly organized and planning your day the night before, and time blocking, and and deep thinking two times a week, and being a conduit alerting with a system and focusing on what moves the needle and all that happening primarily because you now understand how the human mind works and and we're incorporating those things into the the template so that that when you're affirming those things to yourself every day, they happen automatically without thinking. Well, you know that's when I really look back and see those five skills that I was doing consistently in my mid 50s was was what made my income go up by 25 times. You know the 200 grand I was making the prior 20 years, and so I remember back in my 30s, 40s, I didn't really understand what doing my best was. I thought it was just effort and getting up at six in the morning, and then I discovered those five high performance skills that I was actually doing in my my mid 50s, and then I realized, oh, that's the difference between actually doing your best and just thinking you're doing your best. Just just a little more wisdom and then a methodology to make make those things happen consistently. And I know those same five things have impacted you tremendously as well.

Oh yeah, I I mean I was pretty organized. I'm yeah a pretty organized person, but the thinking time for me was that was huge. That was a game changer, right? Absolutely. But yeah, I was I've always been pretty organized, and I've always had that growth mindset, you know. Um, but I will say tweaking it and fine tuning that so that it you know I'm picking a specific thing I want to get instead of being, you know, kind of that shotgun approach, it's more like laser focused on what it is that I want to be. Like right now, I'm focused on AI, you know, and how right, you know, I can integrate that. So most of what I'm taking in is related to you know AI tools and things along those lines. But whereas I was not as laser focused before, you know, when it came to what I was learning,

Right? You know, the the other thing I see at a fundamental level is we all have to figure out our life. Boy, it it is on each of us to figure it out. Nobody's going to do it for you. Your parents are going to do it for you, and that's one of the things that I find interesting about the human condition-that yes, it is on everybody to figure out their life, but in school we don't give people a way to do that. It's just you know they're not given a way to figure out their life, and and that's at its core is what this methodology does. It makes you at at a point in time figure out with immense clarity each area of your life what you want how you're going to get it then you feed it to yourself every day and that only enhances the clarity so you get a better understanding in each area of your life but does that. Strike you that that like it does me that we as a human race don't teach people how to figure out their life.

I my mind is boggled by it because I know I've said this to you a million times. The first time we talked, you know, and the light clicked for me right away. Where I'm like, science. What are we talking about here? This is different than what I, you know, used to thinking about. But the first thing I thought was, oh my gosh, if I had known this, you know, when I was younger, you know, what a difference this would have made, you know, in my life, had I known this younger. So it just, yeah, blows my mind that the most one of the most important things, well, the most important thing, and we're not that we already have on board, and we're not taught how to you how to use it to better our lives. You know, we're taught you know in our educational system to memorize this so you can pass a test. You know what I mean?

Right, right.

Not taught you know how to optimize our brains for success and how our brains work, so that we understand how they work, so we can optimize for success. Right? Yeah, and that is just mind blowing.

Well, and you know, there's a. I think I've told you about this. There's a company here in Austin called Alpha Schools, and there is a guy here in Austin, that's a billionaire, and he's put a billion of his own money behind this idea. And they're the they're super innovative, and they're incorporating AI, and they're they're they're teaching kids K through 12 using AI, but not on the model of you know you do first grade and second grade and third grade they progress by your mastery of the subject rather than a time frame, and they can using AI they can compress the school day into two hours rather than six hours, and they take the other four hours to teach life skills, and so I am working with them to incorporate our methodology into it, starting at the age of 10, and and then at the age of 13, you'll find this interesting. When puberty hits, they're thinking about the opposite sex. The template changes for that, and so we'll see where it all goes. But it's as a society, we gotta teach people how to lead themselves. I mean, come on, it's not being done today, so it's exciting to sort of maybe a future part of think it be it is K through 12 through Alpha schools, so

That's exciting.

You know, I I tell you something else you'd be interested in. I think so. I don't know when I when when we were on vacation, we met a lot of people, and every once while they would ask me what I do, and notice where the glazed look over there come over their eyes. One of things like like we had this chauffeur in Paris, I think it's Paris, where he is like 28 and he's becoming a lawyer. And I realized for them to embrace what I teach, they got to see the gap between their actual results and their potential, and if they're too young, like 28, you haven't, you know, you're just really getting going. You haven't had enough failure to understand this, and so that was a sort of an epiphany. But the other thing I I saw, I guess this really happened. Oh, maybe a week ago. I've been back almost a week or so. And so I asked someone that had contacted me, who's interested in advanced leadership of self. I said, "So, what do you think? Do you think your results match match your intelligence and potential, and they go no, and so I go well. That's how I felt, and let me tell you the problem. I said your daily actions are not driven by your intelligence and intellect, and then I explained that's the case because the vast majority of your daily actions are unconscious, up to 95% And since they're unconscious, your greatest asset, your intellect and intelligence, is not directing those daily actions. And so you have to get control those unconscious daily actions. And when you do, then your results will match your potential. Great. Well, I say all that, and he still doesn't get it, really. And so we get off the phone, and that night I pull out Claude, and I explained Claude that experience. And I said, "Why didn't they have that same epiphany that I had and you had when you realized, 'Oh, that's the problem?' And she says, "Well, because you can't tell people anything; they have to discover it on their own. I'm like, "Huh, that's not how I operate. If

somebody's got a good idea that something I'm interested in, all they got to do is just tell me, tell me, tell me what the problem is, tell me what the solution is, tell me why it works. I don't need to discover it on my own. I've got two good ears, and I have a feeling you're the same way, right?

I am, but I wonder whether there's a distinction because when you and I met, I was searching. You know what I mean. I was somebody who was yeah okay. You know what I mean. Like I was open, you know, to the idea because I was continuing to kind of hit this ceiling in my you know business. The part of the reason why I started the podcast was to talk with leaders and and and business, you know, and entrepreneurs and and kind of hear their gain from their brilliance and shorten my path to success. So I was on a clear, I was open to receiving, you know. So I found it on my own, and through you know bringing you came into my life, and I was open to receiving that. You know what you had to say. So I think I knew there was an issue that needed to be resolved. I knew that there was. I knew that much. I didn't have a ton of clarity because you know, again, unlike everybody else at that time, where you're just getting inundated by information and like you know, not necessarily having a lot of clarity in my around my life, but I knew that I was tired of the treadmill.

I was tired of of you know being on autopilot. I was frustrated by my results, and so I knew that much. And does that then mean you know when you say they have to find it themselves? Does it mean what we've talked about before, which is like you need to be at an inflection point in your life where something's not working?

Well, but you know, people are operating at such a shallow level. I don't think they they necessarily consciously appreciate the gap between their results and their their potential. I mean, they certainly do, but are they thinking about it? And

yeah,

And it's interesting. So Chad tells me that's why they didn't fall out of their chair once I said it, and it said, "Okay, you got to make them discover it for themselves. And so two days later, somebody else, a coach, that's wanted to do the methodology, and and so I go. Okay, I'm going to try it like Claude says. So I ask him that same question: Do your results match your potential and and intelligence? No. I go okay. Let's think about this. What determines your success? What is it? And so he stumbles around with that. And finally, I go. When you think that it's your daily actions. The cumulative effect of your daily actions determine your success in each area of your life. Yeah, that is true. And again, you know, this is really talking about success from a very big picture standpoint. I mean, that's part of the problem I think today in society. Most people don't fundamentally understand how success happens from a big picture standpoint, but so he he agrees. Okay, daily actions. Then I go. Did you realize that 95% of your daily actions, up to 95% were unconscious? He goes, no, I didn't know that. That's new information to me. Now some people, you know, 25, 30% of people I talk to will go, "Oh yeah, I know that, yeah. But 70% probably go, "No, I didn't know that. And then I explain a little more why that is and what the science behind that is, and and so now they're on board with that. And then I go, okay. So what's your greatest asset? Well, they'll muddle around with answering that, and finally I'll bring them back to, well, don't you think it's your intelligence and Illy? Yeah, yeah. So now I've I've laid the like three or four building blocks to pull it together, and and I see that it's it has to be on me, not them. They're not going to be able to in the moment of that conversation pull it all together. But I go well. See, the point I'm making is that if your actions determine your success, and most of them are unconscious, then

your greatest asset, your intelligence and intellect, is not driving those actions, and that's why your results don't match your potential. So simple to me, and but but even then, he did not go. Oh my God, this is the greatest conversation I've ever had. I know, and I think that the reason is they can't process all that as quick as we're talking about it. And I think the next time this happens, I may go. So consider that when you're put your head on the pillow tonight, just think about this conversation and think about that idea that the reason you're not as successful as you think you should be, based on your intelligence and potential, is that your intelligence is not driving your actions, and there there's a way to fix that. So we'll see. But but you know the other thing that sort of evolved with me is I see that people get this if they're meant to get it, and it's just sort of the intelligence of life. And and you know I see now when I explain what I do, I teach advanced leadership, self, the science of leveraging yourself. People either are going to get it or they're not going to get it. I don't need to say another word. The people that it's meant to to get will come to me. They'll figure it out. They'll buy the book. They'll implement it, and the people that it's not meant to be won't. And I don't have to even go through that that Yelp dialog I just described. Do you think that's true?

Yeah, I mean, I I don't know, but yeah, my guess is you know that. So you're at yeah leadership of self. That's either going to resonate with them. You know what I mean? Where they're like, yeah, I I could use some more of that in my life. I need to be leading. You know what I mean. And I think the part about leveraging yourself for me, and I think even in you know discussions we had early on, understanding what that meant. Like I didn't really understand what that meant. Leading myself, I understand that. I get that. You know. But the the the second piece of that title is where I would ask additional questions and being like, okay, well, what does that mean? You know, but I get what you're saying completely. Like, they're either that's either going to be something that is of interest to them and it resonates with them, or or it's not. And if it's not something that immediately piques their interest, then it's likely not, you know, something that they're ready for for in their life yet, you know what I mean,

Right? Well, and and you know, from my standpoint, I'm like, come on, life is precious. Doesn't it make sense to intelligently and deliberately lead yourself? You lead yourself in the sense of creating the life that creates exceptional life rather than the average life. Who's going to argue that? But conversely, how many people are going to do something about it? And you'd find this this interesting. So I'm working on publishing my book and figuring out who's going to do that. And I'm talking to Claude, and I said, "Now, Claude, this book is only for the driven 2% You know that's from probably from a from my standpoint a negative because the other 98% aren't going to do it. So it's only for the 2% And Claude comes back and says, anybody that reads this is only for the 2% Nobody's going to say that's not me. Every one of them thinks they're in the 2% and I'm like, wow, wow. Despite what the results may be showing them in their life, everybody thinks they it had a great line. I forget what the line was, but but it's just that everybody thinks that way, and the more I have thought about that comment, I realize that that's probably true, and that's why people will will show an interest at at at first because it is interesting, but only 2% of them will actually step up and do anything about it? So those are the true 2% But you're going to attract way more than the 2% when you say is for the 2%

Right? Yep. Yeah, I get that. That's interesting. I would imagine that. Yeah, just having to do with ego and

right,

All of that kind of in play with that, but yeah,

t's all aspirational. You know, people, you know, are live their life very aspirational. But I found that interesting. But to wrap wrap this up, I guess. So those are the the impacts of you've been doing this for what eight or nine years.

Yeah, I think eight years now.

Right, and I've been doing it 20 plus years, and so those various things that we cover-that's the difference between winging life and leading your life through advanced leadership of self. So, until next time, we'll see you.