Hundreds of Contacts. No One to Call at 3AM | RR373

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to this week's

episode of Relationships Rule. Most people believe the best

relationships happen by accident-a chance meeting, a

lucky introduction, being in the right place at the right time.

Well, my guest today would say that's exactly the problem. Nita

Laird Pressop took me a minute, but there we go. Is a master

certified coach, a serial entrepreneur, a TEDx organizer,

and the founder of IRL, which stands for In Real Life, the

world's first relationship operating system. I think that's

what OS stands for. Yes, she has spent over two decades at the

intersection of business, psychology, and human

connection, and she's on a mission to change the way the

world builds relationships-not through algorithms or

automation, but through intention. I think you're going

to find this conversation both validating and a little

challenging in the best possible way. So, welcome to

Relationships Rule, Nita.

Thank you, Janice. I'm honored to be on

your show.

Oh, it's a pleasure. I just enjoyed meeting

you so much. And you're coming to us from the other side of the

world in Thailand. Thailand. Yeah. So we thank you for

staying up late, but apparently you're a night owl. So I think

this is your this is the time of night that you shine, right?

Perfect. Yeah. So so let's get started. I'm gonna say, okay.

You call IRL a relationship OS operating system. For someone

hearing that term for the first time, how do you describe what

that actually means in plain language?

Yeah, so it's just a system for you to

organize and everything that's related to your relationship,

organizing, nurturing all your real relationships. So we say

that other platforms, or you know, everything out there helps

you connect. We don't have a problem with connecting. You can

just text anyone on LinkedIn, on Instagram, anywhere, or email

someone. Right? The problem is not connecting. So other

platforms help you connect, but IRL helps you build

relationships that last,

so and

compound.

So, does it help you remember that it's time to

follow up with someone you met three months ago, or does it

give you a system for follow up in in that sense? Then,

it's it's so many functionalities that it

would kind of be. It would take probably a really long time to

explain, like how everything comes together. But yes, it is

kind of a platform where it help. It's basically your second

brain when it comes to relationships. I thought that

was

Claude. I thought Claude was my second brain. You

can't. I actually am using WhatsApp. I'm

using Claude, and I'm using many other tools instead of IRL

because it doesn't exist yet. And so, when IRL is on the App

Store when it's released, I will probably be using it instead of

the other tools, specifically for relationships. Right? I did.

I even got Claude to do a whole thesis on my friendship. It's

called Friendship Project. It's a folder in my Claude on my on

my on my iMac on my desktop, and yeah, it's quite fascinating to

see the analysis and the report and like how you see how

everybody is connected to everyone. Now, back in the days

when we were using Excel sheets or whatever, I probably wouldn't

do this manually, but because we have AI, you know, so I was just

like nerding out one day. It was like, why not do analysis on all

my friendships? And you know, so that's so. So how did you do

that? Did you have to upload your your address

book, or

no? I don't have an address book, so I I use

voice. You know, you can just talk to Claude. Yes, use just

talk to it, and I was just I do keep kind of like a document on

relationships that I have, old friends, new friends, and all

that. But it was kind of messy. It was like on post-its and like

everywhere. So I started telling Claude the entire story, okay,

and like who did I meet, and when, and who introduced me to

who? You're also on on the on the on in the in the in the

project. Okay.

Oh, I'm flattered. Yes.

And like, this is how I met Janice, and

Janice introduced me to like these people, and so yeah, it's

it's really really interesting. I haven't finished reading it

actually because it's like really a lot of detail in there.

But yeah, I I obsess. Like several friends have told me

like they've never met anyone in this entire world that is more

obsessed about relationships and building. Oh, I love it.

Okay. Well, you you talk about most people

leaving the. Most important. Sorry, you talk about. Did you

hear that? By the way, that was my. I did. I did. I'm sorry.

Okay. Okay. You talk about most people leaving their most

important relationships to chance. When did you realize

that that was true for you personally, and what shifted?

I'm just going to turn my phone off.

Well, I think it's for everyone-not

everyone, of course. There are people, and now I think both of

us-we are like super connectors, and we are very intentional and

conscious about our relationships, right? But in the

past, I would say was not always the case for me because I was

just always busy, and I'm an introvert. I know I like people

don't don't think I'm introvert; they think I'm an extrovert. But

I always tell that I'm only talking and so passionate with

so much energy because I like the people that I'm talking to,

and I'm passionate about the topic that I'm talking about.

You put me in a room with boring people, boring in my from my

perspective, I'll be super quiet, you know. So in the past,

I was like a complete nerd. I still am a nerd, and I was just

a workaholic. I cared about studies. I cared about like

getting really good at what I do, being an expert at whatever

I was doing, and I love solving problems. And relationships was

just not something that was in my awareness,

right?

You know, my

parents

didn't teach me about relationships.

They didn't really like. We never had conversations about

it, and I never even thought about like, okay, what kind of

friends do I want to hang out with? All these kind of like

things that I think people these days talk about because it's all

over Instagram and it's like in the social media content, right?

Like, hey, what kind of people? What kind of person do you want

to become? The average of the five people that you spend the

most time like back then we didn't have that content, right?

So I just never really thought about these things. So

I'm I'm sensing that you were taught or

encouraged to be, or maybe not encouraged. Maybe it was

stronger than that to be a good student and to learn to to be

good in your studies. But it wasn't that important in your

family to have lots of friends. Maybe I don't know. Is that

well? They, my parents weren't really like

oh you have to be a grade A student or or anything like

that. They were pretty normal parents, I would say. Like had

like unconditional love for me and my brother and just cared

about the well being in general. But they themselves like my

dad's architect, my mom a doctor, and they it's just like

they're not relationship farmers, right? Yeah,

yeah,

yeah. And so they they they were not like

oh you have to be successful anything like that. Actually,

they were pretty much very balanced in terms of work and

family time. So I feel like I was lucky, but we just never

talked about like relationship stuff, you know, and I I really

became passionate and obsessed about this when I got into the

world of psychology. After I left the corporate world, and

then I built a child development center. That was when I got into

child psychology, and then I I'm just interested in psychology

overall. But the thing that I'm most passionate about is

relationships and how why people do the things they do.

Yeah, so that's how I

discovered my obsession with relationships.

All right. Well, I have a framework that I use

with my clients called the Real Connection System. It's built

around four ideas: refreshing your presence, engaging with

purpose, appreciating meaningfully, and leveraging the

relationships that you already have. And so, all that I do sort

of revolves around these four things. It's all about

relationships. So, when you hear that, what resonates with you,

and where might you push back?

Can you repeat that again? Yes.

Refresh your presence. Engage with purpose.

Appreciate meaningfully, and leverage the relationships you

already have.

Well, I agree with all of those things.

Yeah, I agree with your. Yeah.

So there's a difference between being

strategic about relationships and being transactional. Where

is that line, and how do you know when you've crossed it?

Yeah. So, and I get a lot of a lot of

people ask me about that because I'm always about I'm telling

people grade your friendships, like grade your relationships. I

have a grading system. So grade A, like you would like a

student's paper, right? A, B, C, D, F, G, and W, and then I'm

like, yes, there's like the law of reciprocity, but you're

you're giving, but you're not expecting anything in return.

But law of reciprocity does exist, right? You don't want it

to be a one-sided relationship, but and you don't

think it's. It's not necessarily going to come

back from the same place,

exactly. And you're not tracking it.

You're not keeping score. You're not like, oh, if I give them

this, what are they going? It's not like that. But you also want

to consider that law of reciprocity is a thing. Like you

can't keep giving, giving, giving, giving, and this person

never gives you anything back. You're not going to want to be

in that relationship. And if you still do, it's kind of weird,

right?

Yeah.

So when I say these specific things, it

tends to make and I say be strategic and intentional about

your relationships because you have limited time. That's the

only resource that is limited. Yeah. So you can't invest in

every single relationship the same it doesn't make sense and

so people when they hear that and they don't fully understand

what I'm talking about they will kind of like oh but that sounds

kind of transactional and then there's this other thing called

like social exchange theory right it's like it talks about

how every single relationship is sustainable if the input and

output from that relationship makes sense for both people, and

we apply that in romantic relationships, but also in every

single relationship. Because if your input, you you put a lot of

input, but the output is not worth it. Someone's going to

leave that relationship. Someone's going to slow fade,

right? Of course, the person that gets more benefit gets more

output than the input they're putting. Of course, they want to

stay in the relationship, right? Of course, but that's not

sustainable because it's not for both people. And every time

people hear me talk about social exchange theory, an investment

model, all these theories that are from when you're studying

economy, but also applied to to relationships, some people get

triggered, and some people say, "Well, that that sounds very

transactional, you know. But if you think about it,

relationships are transactional, but not in the way, not not the

the the meaning of the word transactional as we mean, like,

"Oh, I'm going to give you this, and you're going to give me

that. But you have to get value from that relationship.

Otherwise, why would you be in that relationship? The value

doesn't mean like a monetary benefit, right? It means like

you feel you feel heard in that relationship. You feel seen. You

feel like someone appreciates you. These this is the output,

right? So, yeah, I do get a lot of questions like, oh, what

what's the difference? And I would say that transactional is

when you're thinking about what you're getting if you give this

person something. So that's that's transactional, but being

selective and and being strategic that's different. It's

it's it's you knowing your core values and what kind of people

make sense for you in this stage of life? So I even have people

that might be a little bit upset with me when I say I love to

hang out with other entrepreneurs. I do have friends

that are not entrepreneurs. I'm not saying I only hang out with

people that are entrepreneurs, but at the moment I'm building

two startups. I need to spend some time with people in the

tech startup space and venture capitalists, and you know people

that are investors and people that have a tech background.

Otherwise, if I had all the time in the world, I would spend time

with you know my friends that are just like maybe we just love

each other and you know for for whatever reasons, but at the

stage of life, I'm working on my two startups, so I I have

limited time. So it just inspires me. It gives me lots of

ideas for me to be talking to other creators or entrepreneurs,

solopreneurs, or some somebody building something because that

energizes me. You know, but it's not coming from a judgment. It's

not judging people that oh, if you're not an entrepreneur, I

don't want to hang out with you, right? So that's what I call

strategic. It's like I'm making an intentional decision on who I

want to spend time with and invest in.

I totally get that. And what's really

interesting to me is you and I met through an email somebody

sent me. It wasn't you directly, was it? It was somebody else, I

think, asking if you and

podcast agency. That's right, podcast

agency. I get so many,

I can't remember which is which. Anyway, so I

always like to meet my possible prospective guests before I

decide whether they're a fit, and before they decide, because

otherwise it could be really a flat kind of conversation. So

let that be the first and only, if that's the case. So I think,

in my opinion, we hit it off quite well the first time. I

really enjoyed talking to you. I could sense your spirit of

adventure, and I could sense your your true entrepreneur, and

you love creating things. And the other thing that happened

for me is when I was talking to you, I could see that because I

don't do this all the time, so I introduced you to a network.

Group that I thought might be of interest to you. Now, normally,

if I'm going to introduce somebody to somebody that's

already in my network, I would go to that person in my network

and say, "Hey, are you okay with this? Here's somebody I'd like

you to meet because they're the person already in my database.

Don't want to mess them up with you know somebody they may not

be interested in meeting, but I didn't feel the need to do that

with you. I felt like I knew where you were, and people

started coming to me that like we just did that with two people

already today that I thought that you should meet. There's no

strings attached. It doesn't matter to me one way or the

other, but I thought, hmm, it might be something that you

would find somebody you would find interesting based on what

you just said. Actually, that you're, you know, obsessed right

now with with the startups and with the app you're building,

and these other people are doing the same. That you can always

learn from each other. You can find investors through each

other. Who knows? Anyway, so to me, that's a really important

piece that you feel that level of trust with somebody brand

new, and you have a good sense of of what integrity. I don't

know of of reading people, of reading people. I think is what

more I'm saying. So that's what I love about what can happen and

what I felt happened with us. So do you want to comment on that

at all?

Yeah, and I thank you so much for for for

for doing that. And I think when we look at super connectors,

we're natural. It seems like we're naturally good at that.

And for me, I I wasn't always doing that. It came like I'm

kind of a late bloomer when it comes to to this like networking

being a super connector. I went from like super introvert to

super connector, but there definitely is a strategy. But

there there are things that are kind of like character traits as

well, like kindness, generosity, wanting having this abundance

mindset. That if I introduce someone to someone, it's not

like they're taking my friend or my life isn't worse. I'm not

losing anything, right? But if you have a scarcity mindset, you

you'll think in the opposite way. And it's also like when I

break it down because this is really interesting. Somebody was

asking me, like, what does it take to be a super connector?

What are the skills? What are the 20 things that I have to

learn in order to be like you?

Okay.

And so I was really thinking, what is it?

Right? Is it consistency? Is it follow through? Is it

generosity, kindness, and just like being? You have to be a

really good listener. You have to be empathetic as well because

you need to listen and you need to be able to read people and

understand whether what are they looking for and what is this

person's core value, what is their true character, and do I

want to introduce this person to my my valuable connections,

right? Exactly, and it's really like about like integrity and

like their standards and do they match with this other person's

standards and do I want to be do I want like do I want to make

that connection so all of this is actually logic and it's so

fast the logic is so fast that it becomes intuition and

actually like you're gathering data as you're talking in like a

split sec microsecond and yeah, I think it's it's definitely I

think part of it you're born with it. It is in your DNA, I

believe. A lot of things are in your personality and in your

just you're born with it. And then the other part of it is you

you you train yourself to do these things as well, so I think

you have to really like understand, and then like if you

can break it down and understand and practice, and also

understand like okay, you don't live in a world that is like you

you you should have an abundance mindset. You should introduce

people to people because it makes the world a better place.

You you know, this person's better off. This person's better

off. I'm also better off because, like, I get to do all

these things, and I think that, yeah, with all these skills,

it's just we know that it's important and that we should do

it. And for me, it's about telling as many people as

possible the framework and how to do this, so that other people

can have the awareness that I used to not have, and do it too.

So I think what I'm what I'm hearing too is that

you know these so many of these traits to be a good connector or

a super connector are common sense, but they're not. They

don't come naturally to everybody. And one of the things

you listed off a few really good ones, and the one that actually

you didn't say that I feel is really important is doing what

you say you're going to do. You know.

Yes.

Right. If you

say follow through, follow through. Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly. So important because, and this

brings me to the next question. It's about reputation. You use

the phrase "your reputation walks into the room before you

do. What are people What are people doing often without

realizing it that is shaping that reputation in ways that can

work against them? And I think that's one of the things I just

mentioned. But maybe you can add to that. So your reputation

walks into the room before you do. So what's shaping that

reputation that might be working against them?

Yeah. So I think we all live in a busy

world today. I think we can all agree so much noise, so much

distraction, and I meet a lot of people that I know are good

people. I'll just give this example. I'm not going to talk

about people that are just mean and selfish and all that, right?

I'm just talking about people that are actually they are they

they really want to help, and sometimes they kind of

overpromise. They say, "I'll do this, I'll do that for you, and

they just like they don't even think about it. They promise

immediately, right? And then they end up forgetting, or they

don't do it. And then it becomes a habit. You do it so often, you

kind of normalize the behavior.

That's good. And this is what

I've noticed in society overall.

That's why we talk about people being flaky and not following

through and saying things, and then forgetting, or not even

being responsive on text messages, right? And or or

replying an email, like I don't know, like a month later or

something like that. And what they don't know in terms of

psychology is when you do that, when you don't reply to

someone's message, or you you leave them like you you leave

them on read or whatever. The thing is, you make them feel

like they're not important, and people don't forget how you make

them feel.

That's right. It's my favorite quote. People,

yeah, the the Maya Angelou quote. Do you know the quote?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah.

People will forget what you said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so when people start

doing these small things, it can start with something very small,

right? I'll call you tomorrow, and then you don't call them,

and then you you remember like next month or something, and

then you're like, oh, I totally forget, forgot. What you're

communicating to them,

yeah, is

actually like you're not important for me

to remember,

and you're not reliable.

Yeah, and so all these things add up. They

add up after a while. People, not even after a while, the

first interaction, second time you do this, third time you do

this, people form a perception about you, a belief about you,

and they might not think like you're a horrible person because

you've done other great things as well. But they start to form

a belief about you that okay, this person is unreliable. I

don't know if I can trust them if they say they're going to

help me with this, and you know, like. But we don't really think

about that. The average person doesn't really think about that

because they think it's small things, and and then I see a lot

of people using the word busy as an excuse. Oh, I didn't do this

because I was busy. Oh, I didn't do this was busy. It's the same

excuse that we use a lot in Bangkok, which is I'm late

because of the traffic.

Oh yeah, the

traffic is a given here in Bangkok. Like,

if there's no traffic, that that's not normal. It must be a

very normal day. So you're late all the time, and you say it's

because of the traffic instead of leaving early. And even

though that's true, even though that's true, it can be true.

Like you can like going from point A to point B, and usually

takes 30 minutes. On some days, it could be two and a half hours

if something actually happens. So it is true, but you want to

keep the traffic excuse for the days that that actually happens.

You don't want to use it every single day, right? But that's

kind of a metaphor for like when we say we're busy. That's why I

didn't reach out to you. But what you're actually saying or

making that person feel is that they are not important enough

for you to do what you said. Yeah, that's

absolutely true because it's all about

priorities.

Yes.

Yeah, and choices. That's true, except for

the traffic in in Bangkok. Yeah, you talk about intentionally

designing your inner circle, what does that process actually

look like, and how does someone start without it feeling

calculated or cold?

Sorry, can you say that again?

You talk about intentionally designing your

inner circle. So, what does that process actually look like, and

how does someone start with it without feeling without it

feeling calculated or cold?

Yeah. Well, I never felt that it was

calculated or cold, but it's like going back to your previous

question. Some people do kind of when you say. This is strategic,

or you're planning this, or you're grading your friendships.

It does kind of make them feel like, oh, you're treating people

like objects, or like depending on what they can offer you and

all that. And again, I go back to the the what we were talking

about that there's a difference between transactional and being

strategic, right? So I would say the first thing you should do is

grade your friendships. So ABCs very simple, actually, and this

you can make the grading system work for you. This is what I

use. So ABCs are all your friends. These are people that I

trust, people that I know have my best, like my benefit. My

they have my interest at heart. Yeah, and I can trust them. It's

just different levels of closeness, right? Grade A's are

like family. You can call them at three a.m. if you're in a

crisis. B might be maybe somebody I worked with five

years ago, and we really get along. We would help each other.

You can call me if something comes up, but not super close,

not as close as the A's, and then C's is just are less close,

right? And then the D's are people that you you don't trust.

You can work with them, but you know that okay, I can't fully

trust this person.

Okay.

And the F's are dangerous people. The the

F's are like you should stay away from these people because

they are dangerous. And the G's, the G's are acquaintances, so it

comes from general acquaintances. And I think a lot

of people always use the word friends with everybody, and I

think people should stop doing that because when you are

calling someone a friend, you are endorsing them. And also,

when you call them a friend, there come it comes with

expectations. So maybe someone is your acquaintance, but you

think they should do all these things for you because they are

your friend, but they're not actually your friend, and it's

kind of normal that they're treating you this way because

they are just an acquaintance, right?

Yeah.

So I think that it's important that you you

categorize them internally the correct way, right? As the same

as you wouldn't call someone you're dating for two weeks your

husband or your wife, right? It's the same thing. Or maybe

not even your

boyfriend or girlfriend after two. Exactly,

exactly,

exactly. But it comes with different sets

of expectations, right? It's not realistic, and so and then W is

you're still vetting the person. You don't know which category to

put them in yet. So these are the categories. These are the

grades that I I go with. And for me, it's not about going to tell

these people like what is my grade, like going to tell people

oh you're a grade B or D or no. It's it's just a system for you

to know which relationships to invest in, right? And you can

invest in your general acquaintances too, as long as

you know why you're doing it. Yeah, you don't have to be

friends with everyone, and being an acquaintance is not a bad

thing.

No, and actually, you just said something really

valuable there too. You don't have to be friends with

everybody, yeah, right. But but here's something that happens.

So I had a guest on my podcast who reminded me of a former

guest that I had had with the work that they were doing, and I

mentioned this person to the newer guest, and he said I'd

really like to meet him, I said, "Well, I'll reach out to him and

see if you know if he if he you know what he says because I

can't just introduce him. I have to check with this person, and

this particular person says to me, 'He looks like a really nice

guy, but I really don't have the bandwidth right now. I'm sorry,

but I'm going to have to say no. And sometimes I take it

personally, but I can't take it personally. But I also thought,

wow, this person standing up for what he believes in and knows

that he doesn't need a new friend or a new colleague or a

new-you know-he's not there at this point in time. That doesn't

happen very often, but when it does, it it actually puts that

other person in a different light somehow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand.

Yeah, I thought it was an interesting thing.

Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

So I was gonna say, yeah. Sometimes and

and some many times, super connectors. We can't talk to

everyone. We just don't have the time. Exactly. I'll give you an

example. Like recently, we I'm a TEDx organizer, so we just put

out a pitch form for speakers to pitch their talk. Yeah. And at

the end of the form, I said, "Reach out to me on WhatsApp to

tell me what your topic was, so we can get connected, so it

would be easier when the time comes to go to the next step,

whether it's the interview process or whatever. Yeah.

So we have all these people reaching out to me on WhatsApp,

and what's supposed to happen is they're just supposed to tell me

that they pitch their talk, and this is their name, and this is

their short intro. That's it. But then some people, of course,

they wanted to meet up with me in person or on Zoom, and you

can't meet with everyone, right? And I'm not saying. No, I'm not

gonna read. I'm not gonna meet up with you, but like this

specific like two months, I'm super busy building my startup,

and I I'm so sorry, but I do have an interest to meet you in

the future, and maybe like one day, but just not now. And then

you have to be really respectful and kind and honest, and I think

that's much better than than just ghosting them or ignoring

the message or just leaving it like that, right? It's always

better to be honest. And if you come from a good place, you're

you're coming from a good place. I think that most of the time it

will be received well if you're a good communicator and you're

communicating in a good way. Yeah. And if they take it

personally, you know. That's out of my my influence. I can't do

anything because I've done my best to to to communicate where

I'm at. And I think that if I did the opposite, that I tried

to go and meet this person, that would be out of integrity

because I wouldn't be honest. Like I don't want to be there,

but I'm forcing myself to be there, and that would be

resented.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

I would be tired. I'd be like, I'd show up,

and because I'm honest, they'd ask like, "How am I doing? I was

like, "I'm so busy, actually. Like, you know, and maybe it

will even make them feel guilty. So I'm all about like, okay, we

can't be 100% like radical honesty all the time, right? But

I mean, as much as possible, and so that's what I think. Yeah, we

have to protect your time as well, for sure. And

you know, yeah, and your energy exactly, especially if you're an

introvert, right? Yeah,

yes.

So we're living through a really strange time

right now, where people are more digital, digitally connected

than ever, but lonelier than ever. So, I mean, you know

what's gone wrong, and what does getting it right actually look

like? And is your your project with your IRL is that going to

help get it right?

Yes, definitely. That's the problem

of solving. Yeah. So we live in this world. I don't know. Since

when did did Facebook launch? Maybe like 15, 1516, years ago,

I think. Or

yeah, 2005 or something. I don't remember.

Yeah, yeah, approximately. Right. I think

it's 20 years, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I

think like we live in this world where we think we are so

connected with everyone because we see what they eat for lunch,

we see their birthday party, we see them spending time with

their family, their babies, whatever, and that makes us have

this illusion that oh, we we still know what's going on in

their lives, we still have a really good relationship, but

no, actually, there is no relationship. You just kind of

know each other's names and maybe history, but you you're

not building anything here.

Yeah,

and I it's I think it definitely has this

effect on us, making us think that we have all these abund

like abund relationships, all these relationships, you know

everyone. But then, why is it the case that when it's like

three a.m. and you have a crisis or whatever, and you don't know

who to call, or there's very like maybe one or two people

that you can call? I think there there was a research that came

out that I don't know the exact percentage, but it was saying

like the a lot of people used to be able to call one or two

people if they they had a problem or crisis in life, and

there was a certain percentage that went to zero now. So zero

people that you can actually call, and that's very

concerning.

Of course.

So I think like technology and these

platforms, they are a tool, and I've met amazing people just

like reaching me out to me on LinkedIn randomly, like I don't

even know them, and it turned into like the most amazing

conversations, and like very fulfilling in in terms of like

whether professionally or personally. So it's a tool, and

we should treat it as a tool. We shouldn't rely on it and think

that this is a real relationship because it's not,

right?

And we need to move on to the next step,

right? After we've connected, what happens after that? You

have to meet up with them. You have to have real conversations

with them, and you have to build a real relationship, which

includes supporting each other, whatever whatever the nature of

the relationship is. But those steps don't actually happen most

of the time, and then we live we live in that illusion. Yeah,

that's very true. And some younger people. I mean,

you're a younger person to me, but some young people who have

always that's all they know is doing everything with their

phone. It can be quite dangerous, really, because they

don't know how to react or act in in real life. That's why I

love the name of your of your app. But yeah, I I don't know.

There's a lot to I I know. That with the way the world is now

and how it's all about the digital connections, that going

back to the importance of relationships is huge right now,

and the importance of caring about people and showing

appreciation and being kind to other people-it's so needed in

the world today. So you've said the future. Okay, with AI

changing so much about how we work and communicate, you have

said that the future belongs to people who cannot be easily

replicated. How do relationships factor into that?

Yeah. So when we say humans or people

that cannot be easily replicated by AI or by like all these

technology and all these things, right? I always talk about how

kindness, authenticity, generosity are powerful

currencies because the more rare it is, the more the more

powerful it

is, yes,

because it is it is something that's that's

rare, and when somebody encounters it, right, it's very

valuable because it stands out and it's different. And even

like when people are creating content these days and trying to

copy everybody, that we've seen that we don't like when ChatGPT

or Claude or whatever creates copy that sounds it just looks

the same on everybody's posts. It looks the same. It sounds the

same with all the m dashes and all that. Yeah, and it's come to

a point where it's a turnoff now. Nobody wants to see that

because it's okay. I'm just reading what AI wrote, right? So

we don't want to see things that are manufactured in that way,

and so even when you're creating content, I'm telling people like

just be yourself, like be imperfect because that's

valuable now. To be imperfect, it used to be the case that you

should be perfect, like be perfect on camera and like look

perfect, use the filters, whatever. But now AI looks so

perfect that we're trying to make the the the the visuals or

the videos that AI make try to make it look more realistic by

making it imperfect, right? So now being human, like being more

human. The more human you are, that's like you're gonna stand

out, and that's gonna be even more valuable now that there's

so much like AI content and AI stuff out there, and this

humanness and authenticity and being imperfect. These are the

things that I believe is gonna be more valuable, and people are

gonna appreciate it. So it's kind of like very different from

how we tried to be. We tried to be perfect, right? And now it's

kind of the opposite. We're just-I think people will be

looking for people to be more human. That's so funny

because that means it's really like about

going back to a time that most people don't remember or didn't

experience in your generation where before we had all this

stuff, and and so you know you couldn't show the perfect side

because there was nowhere to show that you just were who you

were, and yeah, and also what was the other thing I was going

to say about that? Oh, that it seems whenever I'm talking or

listening to something to do with AI or learning something

new about an AI platform, you hear that term now. It's so like

human. There's the human assistant and there's the AI

assistant. There's the human and the digital, and so the human

thing is being touted all the time as if it's something new

and different, right? Because we're going back to saying, you

know, just be yourself. Doesn't matter if you make a mistake.

It's okay. It makes you human, and it's just so interesting

that now that's a focus we have to pay attention to.

Yeah, for

me anyway. Let's be

like perfect. Let's try. Yeah.

Oh, I mean, you know, you look at Instagram is

all about being perfect. You know, to me, Facebook is about

just you know being more personal and opening up to the

mundane things that you do every day that nobody really cares

about. But that's how that started, and and Instagram is

about the perfect look. It's not about the real thing, and I

don't believe. But anyway, it's good for for daydreaming. It's

like reading a People magazine, to my mind. That's what it's

like. But and I don't mind doing that. I like doing that. But you

know, you've got to put it in perspective. So, okay, I asked

you that question. So, for someone listening right now who

knows that their relationships are their greatest asset, but

have never really treated them that way, what's the one place

to start? The

one place. Start well after you grade your

relationships and you look at who your grade A, grade B, grade

Cs are. One thing I think that you could do, like if you want

to expand your circle, you look at your grade A's because your

grade A's, your grade A people will introduce you to other

grade A people, and just go out and ask them, like, hey, do you

have other friends that you think would be a good fit for

me, or like I'm looking for X, Y, Z? Do you know anyone that

would be a good fit for me? You know, like these things, and

people don't like to do that because it makes them look

awkward. It's you don't like

to ask. You mean?

Yeah, it's kind of weird. What do you mean,

go and ask people to introduce them to their friends? Like, am

I trying? And there's this thing called friend poaching,

apparently, where people are kind of like, "Are you trying to

steal my friend? You know. Oh, really? Never

heard that one. Okay.

Yeah, I saw something on Instagram about

that, which I never thought about that. Right. I think

that's why we we we. This is like the first time we've heard

about this, but it is a thing where people like are operating

out of scarcity and thinking like, oh, if this friend gets

together with this friend, I'm losing a friend, and they're

gonna stop wanting to be friends with me. They're gonna go and

hang out and be together, and I'm gonna be left out. So it's

kind of like a fear of losing a friend, fear of missing out. I

don't know what it is, but well, that's being

insecure though. That's being it is it

is it is definitely from insecurity and a

scarcity mindset and because if somebody didn't want to be

friends with me and they wanted to hang out like I introduce

someone to someone that's great it just means that they're

better fit and I have other friends so if you have lots of

friends you're not gonna be scared to lose anyone you be

happy for them so that's really about having an abundance

mindset and kindness and generosity. And I would say,

like, if we're if you are like operating from a scarcity

mindset, then start to look at that. Where is it coming from?

Like, where did that come from? Because you can work on that.

And yeah, so that's just one of the things. Secondly, be the

friend you want to be. Like be the friend that you want, right?

Because as you evolve and you become more of that person

intentionally, because it requires work and it requires

all these things that you have to do. You'll start to attract

people that are like that by by starting with you. You being

those things, right? If you want someone that invests in you,

first like invest in other people. I used to tell people. I

used to tell

my kids to to have a friend. You need to be a

friend.

Yeah,

yeah, and that's that's something they have to

grow to understand. I think and and and learn. And for some it

doesn't come as easily as others. So it's something you

have to teach them in a way what that means when they're young,

right? So yeah, yeah, and it's all about the the the things

we're talking about be about being kind and being showing

appreciation and and and feeling good about introducing people to

other people when you know it's a good fit and when you know it

just feels good. At least it does for me. I love that.

Yeah, yeah. So, like, I think a lot of

people know that they want to have good friends, but they're

not showing up consistently themselves as a good friend. So

it starts with you. Exactly. And if you want people to make

introductions for you, you have to make introductions for other

people first. Like, why? Why would you want to wait for other

people to do something before you act? That goes back to being

transactional. Yes, right. And I think, and I've seen this that

when you are transactional, you attract other people that are

transactional, and that's who you end up becoming friends

with, and like a lot of people don't like that. But then

looking back at yourself, maybe you are being transactional.

Maybe you're worried. You're trying to protect your resources

and not give it to anybody unless they're giving me

something.

Yeah,

and I don't think it all the time. It it all

it always comes from like this bad intention or thing.

Sometimes it comes from like the scarcity mindset and wanting to

hoard your resources, but I find that it does come from childhood

experiences, from the way you saw all your parents operate and

all those things. But that's like the healing journey. That's

the inner work that you have to do.

That's true. Well, this has been a lot. It's

been a great conversation, and I hope it's given the audience

something to think about. I suspect it has. The idea that

relationships are not something that just happened to us, but

something we can build with real intention, is at the heart of

everything that I believe about business and life. So, for my

audience, if you want to learn more about Nita and her work

with IRL, I will put some links in the show notes. You want to

just tell us quickly where they can find you, though, Nita.

Yeah, so they can go to my website to

sign up to get on the wait list for IRL. Just go to

nitaleerd.com, and then there's a tab for IRL, and. We're gonna

put up the website for IRL soon, but that's that's where people

are going for now. And there's also an Instagram in real IRL

dot app dot official. That's for in real life IRL. And my

personal LinkedIn and personal Instagram people can also reach

out to me as well.

Perfect. So it's pretty exciting. You're getting

close, right? To you're waiting for Apple, right? Yeah. So if

today's conversation resonated with you, and please share it

with someone in your network who needs to hear it. This is how

relationships grow. And until next time, keep building the

relationships that matter. And thanks for being here, Nita.

Thank you, Janice.