[Encore] Getting More Enlightened – How It Happens

Welcome to the Missing Secret podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

Hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So here's our topic today: getting more enlightened. How it happens? What do you think about that, Kelly? You think? Oh, I'm

excited. I'm excited to hear these deep thoughts on this. We dropped some major wisdom bombs today. I'm excited to receive.

Let's hope so. So, I you know I see the power of being reflective about one's life, and seeing how you have become more enlightened. That that process of of enlightenment is very interesting to me. So let's just take a stroll down memory lane in each year of our lives and look at how we became more enlightened. And maybe we'll start with career. And so, in my case, my career is is you remember, I started out as a CPA working for people, and then became an entrepreneur when I was 30, and I quit my CPA job and launch into being an entrepreneur. I find this idea, and I show it to these guys because, of course, I didn't have any money. I was making $30,000 a year, and this back in the 80s, and so I put it together, prepare the investment brochure that that explains it to investors. I we're building a fourplexes, about 200 apartment, well 300 apartment complex, 300 unit apartment complex, and so and this is in the Dallas area, and so I put it all together, and at the end, once we had raised the money before we started, the other two guys kicked me out of the deal because I didn't bring any money to the table in terms of financial backing, and we had to have like a $25 million line of credit to build the apartment complex. And of course, I'm like, of course, I don't bring any money. I've been making 30,000 a year. Can you not do the math? And so I was pissed. Obviously, by the grace of God, I was able to do my own identical deal, literally identical, and huge lesson in terms of career. And I and I saw that that you have to be in control as as an entrepreneur. In other words, you cannot be less than 50% and you really need to be in 51% ideally. But like in that particular deal, I'm 30 years old, and everything's done on a handshake. That's how deals come together, as as you know. And you hope you're dealing with honorable people. You assume you are, and so that was a a great lesson. And so my my rule of thumb is never ever be in less than

50% control. And it's like when you and I became partners. It's like, well, of course we're going to be 5050. How can you? How can I expect you to be to do something I wouldn't do? So I think that was the first enlightenment bit of enlightenment about career, and then as I got to be 40, and I was seeking to be more successful, I took this idea of I can only do my best. That's what I control. So that's what I'm going to focus on. But I didn't really get this lesson until I was in my mid 50s, and and I evolved from understanding back in my 40s. I my understanding of doing my best was just getting up early, getting up like 5:30 in the morning, and then in my 50s, I realized that doing my best was like six different things, like being highly organized, a 10 on a one to 10 scale, where I'm planning my day the night before and time blocking my day. Second thing is is I'm deep thinking two times a week, you know, stepping aside from life a couple times a week and just thinking, and then becoming a conduit of learning and making that absolutely consistent, but also strategic relative to what I saw I needed to get better at in in the business. Then another one was I I had to discern what moves moves the needle, being clear about what is moving the needle because I realized in my 50s that only a couple of things, two or three things, move. Needle, and if you do the rest of the stuff just average, it doesn't materially impact the success of the business. But by God, you you got to do those two or three things. Great, good will not work. And then I think the other one is is just understanding how the human mind works. That that enlightenment moved me from working harder to working smarter. But those are the maybe the career things that that were important in in my life. What about what about you? What are some of the enlightenments in career for you?

Yeah, I think for me the first you know they're kind of tied together, but the first is, and I don't think we we might have talked about this before, but this was right at that when I had given my notice and was starting my first business, and I had spent nearly 14 years with the same company in the recruiting business and had built that office to a success. Had was what I felt had a great relationship with the owners and with the national office with the franchise.

Right.

And I stayed too long. I probably stayed a couple of years too long because I'd been wanting to start, you know, go out on my own and start my own business. But I stayed for the wrong reason, which was out of a sense of loyalty because I knew how much the owners were going through some stuff. I knew how much they leaned on me, and so I stayed out of this sense of loyalty to them. And I gave them my notice, you know, and they asked me to stay a little longer, so I gave them a month's notice to make a transition, and and then it was like I didn't exist, and it was the hardest lesson to learn because I gave almost 14 years, you know, and

wow, it

was personal to me. It was personal to me. I know what business is business, but it was personal to me, and completely, you know, I tried to even connect to be like, hey, maybe there's a way we could collaborate. They weren't happy, obviously, that I was starting my own business in this in the recruiting business, but it wasn't in a competing field, so it wasn't taking anything from them. But I learned that hard lesson of that business is business. You've got to look out for yourself, you know. In terms of like, I'm always going to be keeping it, but don't delay your happiness dreams or whatever for this false sense of loyalty. To you know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely. And I tell you that always amazes me when when employers are mad at an employee for like going out on their own. I mean, at some point they did the very same thing. How can you be mad at at the employee for doing what you did?

Yeah, and and you know, and one of the things for me was too. I was like, okay, number one, I am never going to do that to anybody because it feels terrible, and for lots of different reasons. First of all, just because it goes against the grain of who I am, you know, I always want to make people feel seen, heard, and you know, connect with them. But also to the point you just made, John, is if you leave things in a positive place and you maintain relationships, like how likely is it that I'm going to refer somebody to them?

Right. Yeah. How likely

is it that I'm going to speak really super positively? You know, I'm never going to speak negatively of it, but I'm not going to refer companies or customers to them. I'm not going to refer people to go work for that company. You know, but when you maintain positive relationships, it's like then, yeah. If that had ended positively, I would have been sending business to him left and right. I'd be speaking positively about every every chance I get, and also, you know, for employees, you're leaving the door open for. So let's say I was going to work somewhere else, so somebody else can train me. I can enhance my skills, and then there's a possibility maybe of going back to work. Right, that that's boomerang kind of effect that happens. So let's be smart and strategic about this. Is that not only because it's the right thing, but also you know because from a strategy standpoint and business standpoint, it's just smart. You know, unless it's a terrible employee or something. You know what I mean. And you, but otherwise, you know, you keep things in that fashion because a it's the right thing to do, and b you know there's also positive implications of it from a business standpoint. But that was one of the hard, you know, the first kind of lessons that I learned was like, "Ouch, that hurt. You know,

right. And so, what what is the lesson from that? The

lesson was simply like, don't delay your dreams for other, like, pursue your dreams with, you know, diligence and with, you know, don't delay your dreams for somebody else's. Like I was, I was working in somebody else's dream.

Yeah, right.

You know, and making somebody else be successful in their dream. You know, so it was like, wait a minute, what's you know what just happened, and it took. That happening for me to see that, you know, clearly with like, oh wow. So I think that was the first, you know, kind of like lesson for me was, you know, around that, you know, idea of not delaying, you know, your dreams or bypassing your dreams for somebody else. And again, John, this goes back to what we've talked about with the the before I started utilizing before I met you and you know that people pleasing kind of mentality, I was delaying my life and my dreams to please somebody. That's ultimately that's that past that I had was manifesting in that kind of situation, which was interesting.

Right. Yeah.

So it's

it's interesting how from maturity you start to understand you, and you've got this this people pleasing aspect of of yourself that that can be a negative, and and so so as you evolve through life, you start seeing oh I have an inclination to do this or be this way, and on one level it's good, but in another level it's not good, and so that enlightenment is is helpful. Yeah, and I think

the other positive things from a business standpoint were then were again being that conduit of learning. But let me let me I'm going to come back to that in just a second. That conduit of learning is what led me to be introduced to you because I'm always was always seeking was always wanting to like level up learn you know and that then brought me to to you and understanding then how the human mind worked which was a probably the most pivotal point in my not only in my career with in my businesses, but in my life, understanding that unlocked something for me in my brain that like was like, oh, okay, well then this is I can solve this. You know what I mean? Yeah. How to do this? So, and then I want to circle back really quick because I think the other thing that is critical. So it's the learning, but until I understood the method, the methodology, and was using Life GPS, it was taking the learning, using the thinking time to think more deeply about the things I was learning.

Yeah,

talked about before, like I'm hearing a podcast episode. The person's got a great idea that did a bunch, you know, helped their business or whatever the case may be. Before I would listen to it and be like, "Oh, that's a great idea! I need to think, you know, I need to look at that or whatever. And then literally something would happen, and that was the last time I would think about it until I thought about it again at three a.m. or three weeks from now at another time where something else came up. So those chaotic thoughts, those half-formed thoughts, not getting not getting an opportunity to live somewhere and be developed, that has been also from a career standpoint for me game changing.

Is yeah

that thinking time and having that dedicated time to think deeply, and even more so now. I think it's it's beneficial because over the course of the time span that you and I have been working together and have been friends and have known each other, you know technology has evolved. It's moving quicker and quicker. So having this set place that is designated to think deeply instead of at this surface level that we all think at all day long,

right?

Like I continue to train my brain to think deeply and well below the surface, and so that I think is the other thing for me that was game changing.

I tell you, that is so profound, and I see that most people don't embrace this idea of deep thinking or setting aside time to to think. And I'm like, you just keep on doing it just that way because it is such an advantage if you're doing this deep thinking. I mean, it just makes it easier to be more successful if most people are not doing it. Yeah, yeah, I know it's and and you know it's such a. I find it so interesting this this constant dance between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, because just what you're talking about, like like you, as much as anybody I know, I can't think of anybody that I know that that grows more than you. I I think I'm on par with you, but when I met you, you were by far the person that that I had met that really made growing a strategic advantage. And but what happens? Even though you're doing your podcast, you're meeting a lot of amazing, fabulous people, me included, of course. But

I knew that was coming.

But so you're meeting all these people, and they're saying you know interesting things. But in the moment, you don't really know necessarily how it impacts you. In fact, when you're doing a podcast, you're figuring out what's the best question, not. Not how am I taking what he just said or she said and applying it to my life, but what's my next question, and and but that's a lot of how things happen in the moment. You hear something, but you don't know the significance of it at that moment, but you give your subconscious mind a day or two to process it by having a thinking session. Just naturally, your head is going to go back to what have I learned in the last couple of days that caught my attention, and it's just cool how the there's this constant dance between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind because the you'll write it you'll write down whatever conscious mind comes to you in your thinking session, and then that'll oftentimes go and influence what's on your your life GPS template, which you're feeding to the subconscious mind. So

exactly, it's

pretty cool.

It's really cool. Yeah,

you know, I think back on on other Enlightenment's obviously the epiphany from Think and Grow Rich that 95% of your daily thoughts and actions are unconscious and and you know that was so powerful to me to see that hey I don't really control the very thing that determines my success if those actions determine my success and 95% of them are unconscious. Then I don't consciously control those those actions, and I'm like, wow, that was. I remember it's like getting struck by lightning, and then starting to connect the dots and seeing that, oh, well, what what does control my success? Well, or what? What does control my daily actions? Well, it's my subconscious mind. If if 95% of them are unconscious, then it's my subconscious mind, my autopilot, and it only responds to repetition. That's why then I could see. Oh, well, the secret is to create the succinct articulation of your desired life and feed it yourself every day. That's the repetition the subconscious mind needs to to make the right actions happen automatically. And so that was obviously life altering. And I would say another thing, at least for me, that's been life altering is learning the disc profile and seeing how everybody is one of four different types in terms of how they process information, and I never I'd heard of the disc profile over the years, but I never understood it until just the last few years, and I see that being a D, 91% of people process information differently than I do. So literally nine out of 10 people processes information differently than I do, and they're not they're not getting what I'm saying necessarily because they're being obstinate or they're not smart. It's just that they process information differently, and that has been so helpful, even in my marriage. But I don't know. I think you've you got that lesson way earlier than I did, though, haven't you?

Yeah, I think I think so, and I think for me, just with the communication piece, I think the one of the things is is that seeking first to understand, you know,

right.

I think the disc profile helps with that absolutely, but I think asking like the the quality of your questions, I think determines the quality of your relationships, the quality of your life, you know, and so you know, learning pretty early on in my career because of the nature of the business I was in. That's what I do: is interview people. I became an expert interviewer, and so understanding that just tweaking a couple of things inside that question can make all of the difference in terms of understanding that person's perspective and where they're coming from, which then allows you to, and this isn't-I don't mean this in a negative way that perhaps it may come, it may sound, but in having influential conversations, when you understand somebody's perspective, where they're coming from, what kind of makes them tick, right? Then the way that you're communicating with them and interacting with them is very different, and you can often get the outcome that you're looking for because you have a lot of clarity around what's important to that person, what makes them tick, what's the you know you can oftentimes come to an agreement or to a you know or have an influential conversation where you can get them to move the direction you want them to move because you're seeking first to understand.

Yeah, and I find

in arguments and anything along those lines, if you just take the temperature down and say, "Wait, okay, help me understand, you know, your perspective on this, where you know, I think that has really served me well. And has been a you know something that I would say would kind of be the bedrock or the cornerstone of you know where some of my successes come from is because in my career I've learned that skill.

Right, right. So if we switched over to health, how have you become more enlightened over the years in health?

Gosh, the first thing that pops into my head because we didn't talk about this before we started recording would go back to the education and the you know and just the learning you know about about your health, how much access we have to information and some of those mentors you know around health wellness youth huge influence because you you know this is something for you that has been such an important part of you know your life and of your growth and and and so hearing what you're learning you know has been like oh okay well I need to so your your mentorship and your friendship around health has been a pivotal thing for me.

Wow, I I love that. I love that. Well, I tell you, I've gotten totally enlightened this summer. I read Peter Atia's book Outlive, and it has materially impacted my my life. And now, a little perspective on this. Back when I was like 4849, years old, I read this book younger next year. It was written by this guy that was 75 years old and this doctor that was 40 years old, and it just basically explained how aging works. It basically said that that the fountain of youth is exercise, and that you need to exercise like six days a week. And I read that, and at the time I was exercising three days a week, and I'm like, damn, I don't want to exercise six days a week. I thought it was doing pretty good to exercise three days a week, but I manned up, and I saw that it truly is the the fountain of youth, and but I also tell you how friggin' unenlightened I've been. And in in my 30s and 40s, you know what I would have for breakfast? I'd have a Coca Cola. I would have a you know remember those little six ounce cokes,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

I I love those things, and I would start my day that way. And now I look and like, oh my God! And even in Peter Atia's book, he says, he says that's about the worst thing you can do is is drinking a lot of carbonated drinks that had fructose in them because of how it affects your insulin response. And but you know I'm like wow how unenlightened was I in my 30s and 40s. And then I then I sort of get my act together in my 50s and I start exercising six days a week and off I go, and I'm on top of my health, and I'm getting the. I'm have a like a a doctor now that health organization actually that they measure my blood every quarter, and we look at the blood numbers, and I'm you know taking supplements to improve this or to rectify that, and now when I read Peter Atia's book, he made me realize how unenlightened I've been about weight training. Yeah, I thought weight training is you know my my until you know just in the last month or two, my normal way of exercising was three days of cardio and two days of of weight training, and and one day it's sort of a combination. But the weight training was just you know lifting weights on four or five different exercises. Completely wrong. That the latest knowledge and science in the field talks about how you have to create stability and and which is diversity of movement and and influencing a lot of muscles and that if you don't do that you will likely hurt yourself and they talk about how it's way better to do things like squats and lunges than it is to like lift heavy weights. Not that you're not going to lift some heavy weights, but I'm like, oh, I see what they're talking about. Even just recently, as a as a new little thing, I started doing push-ups a couple times a day. Well, I did them wrong, and I hurt my shoulder.

Yeah,

yeah, exactly what the book was saying. So it's not bad. I was very minor, but it's like the universe is going. Pay attention to what you're learning. But that path for me of learning about health. Has been so enlightening, and it's and it's helpful to see how unenlightened you were at at points in your life and how you got better.

Yeah,

and I don't know why it takes you know so friggin' long to get more enlightened, but we're trying to do something about that.

Exactly. Well, it's interesting, you know. Now as you're talking, I'm thinking about what was my perspective before on health. You know, and I'm embarrassed to say, and I don't know whether I should be or not, but I would say in my 30s, and I would say you know, well, 20s, 30s, and even 40s, because it's exercise has been a big part of my life. I've been looking at it from a purely esthetic standpoint. I wasn't thinking about longevity. I wasn't thinking about health. I wasn't thinking, and now being enlightened and understanding all of the benefits that come as a result of the movement and the exercise, which is you know your mental health, the longevity, like we're talking about your joints, your and so now that I change, when I flipped that script in my mind, that this is about wellness. This is about you know that a benefit of doing it. One of the benefits should be the find the esthetic part of it. But if you if as soon as I started looking at this through, I want to feel good.

I want to have

strong mental clarity. I, you know, because when I feel well, everything else goes better in my life. When I am taking care of myself, as soon as I flipped that switch and became enlightened in that way, I saw the most gains because it wasn't about the number on the scale, the way I look,

or

anything along those lines, it became about something different, and and had that had a different energy behind it. And then all kinds of you know switches were flipped in my mind, you know. And then it started. It was like, okay, well, if I do that, so if I focus on sleep, now I understand the importance of sleep and the role that plays in hormones, all of those things. If I focus on nutrition and I'm paying really close attention to what is going into my body and have the right mindset around that, boy, what a difference that makes! And so, becoming more enlightened and switching from the mindset that I'm only exercising because I want to look good to I want to feel good and I'm doing it to be well and for longevity and and to expand my wellness lifespan, my wellness span versus you know what I mean. Your

lifespan, yeah. Do you are you tuned into your VO two max?

We talked a little bit about that. I need to go and get a legit VO two max test done. I have not been tested on that.

Well, one of the things it talks about in Peter Atia, and I don't know. Do you think most people know who Peter Atia is?

He's pretty big, so I think if you're in the personal growth space, you probably are familiar with you know with Peter Atia.

I would say him and Andrew Huberman would be the biggest

names,

and he's and Atia is actually here in Austin, and but he talks about the the two things that are critical for longevity is number one is having a strong VO two max, which is essentially cardio fitness and strength. So I went and I got my VO2 max tested, and this was always a strength of mine because I do the treadmill, and and so I'm in the 93 percentile for VO2 max, which is a great base for longevity.

Yeah,

and the way you you test this, so you put this mask on and you get on a treadmill, and they basically have you go until you can't go anymore. It's not the most fun test, but it's very enlightening. And so he talks about how you have to know what this number is because it's going to determine how long you can stay living on your own. If you go below a certain level, you don't have the aerobic ability to continue on your own, and and you can. That's that's why the difference between people that that are on walkers in their 80s and 90s versus the people that aren't is the people that aren't typically did something to keep their their VO2 max at a high level when they were in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, and so it's super important. But you know that's that's been my latest thing, and and now he says that you need to be in the elite 2% so I'm I'm top 93% So I still got ways to go, but that's the power of it to always have a a goal that you're trying to improve because that that's the number one thing in longevity.

I love that. And it's measurable, and it's

yes, I

mean, and it's not weight, which kind of like you know that you know depending on how your body, what your body composition is, somebody who weighs one weight and height can be look completely different at the same weight. What I love about the VO two max is like this is a scientific

right

number that you know means something. So I love that.

Right, and maybe to wrap this up, maybe the lessons we learned on marriage and getting more enlightened. I know the the biggest thing I I learned is let your partner be them. You know, there's a natural inclination to to if they if they don't think the way you do, or do things like you think they should be done, that they're wrong and you're right. And it took me a while to fully get this. Let like in my case, let the ginge be the ginge. You know, she's fabulous and she's a perfectionist. I'm not a perfectionist, but I now help her lean into being a perfectionist and and appreciate all that comes from her being a perfectionist. I wasn't always like that. Any tips on marriage from your end that you've learned?

Yeah, I think for me, and this goes, I think really for any relationship, but especially your romantic partner, your spouse, or what, whoever that may be, is

it'd be a good idea if your your spouse is your romantic partner. Exactly, exactly.

That's a good rule. First of all, that's the first thing. I mean,

that that's something I go by.

Good idea. But would be the how you show up in the relationship, the energy that you put out is exactly what you're going to get back.

Right.

So you know, being the example, showing up in the relationship in the way that you want to you know to be treated to treat

treat

treat that individual that way. If you want some, then show that you know. So again, it's just about the energy you put out into the universe is exactly what you're going to get back. It's the same way in your marital relationship. The energy put out, you know, if you walk into a room and you're a jerk, guess what? You know what I mean. Like that's the energy that's coming right back your direction. And so I think understanding how I show up matters. You know, I'm going to take responsibility for our relationship, and I'm going to show up the way in which I want to be treated. Right. You know, and that's worked out. We're you know as of this you know recording tomorrow is our 30 year wedding anniversary. So

wow,

something is working out okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way that's the way I look at it. It's just like, you know, it's not. It's pretty simple, you know. I picked a good partner. Number, yeah, yeah, that's a huge

part

of it. Absolutely, you know. But number two would be, you know, that you the energy you put out is what you get back.

Well, and and the other thing I've sort of learned is that if you're not happy with your relationship, go fix it, and you can fix it. I mean, you're 50% of the equation. But if you're if there's things in your relationship that that you don't like, have the conversation. Understand what you need to fix. Go fix the stuff that you can control. And I promise you, the other person will come along. If you improve you, they'll improve them. So if you're not happy, go fix you and improve you, and watch what happens.

Absolutely.

Okay. With that mic drop moment, we will see you next week.