205: The 10 Golden Rules for Advanced Networking with “Know Who You Know” Author Jeff Meshel and Jay Berkowitz, Ten Golden Rules

I enjoy it on so many different levels. Yes, of course, I'm always looking for new investors and business opportunities, but what I'll learn is so truly powerful. I also enjoy making something that's different from everything else. And as you know, I don't call the strategic forum a networking group. I call it a team organization. And in my word or my vocabulary, team is an acronym. It stands for together everyone achieves more. And if we take the time to really know about each other and learn about each other, like Jay says, I go and sit and talk to him. What's going on? I need to understand more thoroughly about your key focus, and I can make the right introductions. If everybody did that, you know, because we all have contacts and know people, and we really took the time to do that. It's not that much time, but how powerful does it become? Because we come up with ideas for each other unsolicited.

Welcome to the 10 Golden Rules of Internet Marketing for Law Firms podcast, featuring the latest strategies and techniques to drive traffic to your website and convert that traffic into clients. Now, here's the founder and CEO of 10 Golden Rules, Jay Berkowitz.

Well, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whatever time you're listening to this podcast or watching us on YouTube. Welcome to the 10 Golden Rules of Internet Marketing for Law Firms podcast. We have a very special guest today, but as always, I'm going to do my commercial really quickly, and then we'll get into meeting Jeffrey Michelle. My commercial today is actually based on our theme because today we're going to talk about the 10 golden rules for advanced networking. My commercial today is for networking groups, and if you want to get involved in a networking group, I want you to get in touch with me because I'm involved in a great group called Provisors. It's a national networking group. I have a private group for folks who work with law firms. I'm a member of a group with Jeff that we're going to talk about for CEOs. So if you want to advance your professional relationships, your professional referral opportunities. Reach out to Jeff or myself and learn

about one of these networking groups. And you're going to learn a lot in the next 40-five minutes or so. Now, I want to tell the story about Jeff because I think it really sums up what a high-level and professional and sophisticated networker is so I spoke at this group called the Strategic Forum, and I was invited by one of my clients, and I thought it was really great. It was a room full of 40-five CEOs, and I was very young in my career and and very new to the United States. I'd moved here from Canada, and I was really really surprised when this gentleman, who was the founder of the group, called me up the next day, and he said, "Hey, I want to come and meet you at your office. And he was down in Miami, and I was up in Boca Raton. It's about an hour with no traffic, but it's an hour and a half most weekdays. And he said, "I want to come up and see you at your office. So I guess he wanted to see my my office as well. But he took the time to drive an hour and a half up and

meet with me for an hour and a half, and drive an hour and a half down. That was my introduction to one of the most successful and professional and sophisticated networkers in the world. Frankly, I bet Jeff has a Rolodex that rivals almost anybody, and he does it with a passion, and he's the founder of this fantastic group called the Strategic Forum. So we brainstormed a little bit, and we came up with the 10 golden rules of advanced networking. And a few of these rules, Jeff's actually written a book. So I'll also introduce tonight in New York. This episode will come out a couple weeks later. But Jeff's holding a launch party in New York City and a strategic forum cocktail party for his new book. Know who you know, connect deeply, succeed fully. So that's kind of our theme today. With that, I'm going to stop talking. And Jeffrey, thank you for being on the 10 Golden Rules podcast.

My pleasure to be here. Thank you, Jane.

And because Jeff's one of the greatest of the greatest. Jeff, just quickly tell us a little bit about your journey and how you became one of the most connected guys on the planet.

It's an instinctual thing with me. I just feel it. I love people, and I somehow early on I just really saw things that others didn't, and I always want to help people, and I learn who they are, and if I like them, I have a good visceral sense. I go in my way to try to create connections, and you know, ultimately, I realized, gee, I know this person, but I really want to know them, so I memorialize their information in my database. I know who they are. I got their contact information. I also have details, and you know that's built up to where I sit right now, where I have 15,000 people in my personal database, and I have all the details of all the people that are in my database.

That's awesome. And tell us a little bit about your background, just quickly. What kind of jobs you had, and when you started your own companies?

Well, I've I've had my own companies for quite a while. I'm real estate guy. I buy properties mostly these days medical type facilities, although some industrial. I'm also known as a bridge lender. I do short term bridge loans. I was on the board of Signature Bank for 15 years, so I serve on boards. I'm on boards a couple of other companies as we speak, and I also spend a lot of time on philanthropic efforts. I'm involved with CPR Foundation, which is Community Police Relations, bring community law enforcement together, and then I'm part of the Clarion Project, which is a foundation that scours social media for threats to avert disasters. And pretty passionate about that, so I'm going full tilt. Don't stop. Love running around, meeting people, connecting people, and doing deals, and driving up to see Jay for an hour and a half to talk to him about getting involved in the strategic forum way back when. Yeah,

and you literally, literally do that. I'm sure you have a little bit of a bar, but anyone who you think could potentially be a valuable connection for someone you know, you go out of your way to have a coffee or minimum a Zoom with those folks, right?

I wouldn't understate saying that for the most part, almost maybe not literally, but almost every day I have a meeting with somebody brand new that I just met, or someone that reached out to me because they wanted to meet me. And it's not necessarily so much that I, I don't know. I mean, they they do what they do, but I always believe possibilities start showing up. If you show up, things happen, and you know I've created so much for so many. And not to suggest I'm not looking for things for myself because things have come my way, but I love doing it, and it's so many incredible things that happen as I live my life this way.

Yeah, and one of the things about Jeff is he's created this personal brand of connector. First of all, real estate expert second of all, CEO level networker, and so almost every time a really good opportunity comes my way, I think of Jeff. Matter of fact, this morning I sent him an introduction to be on a CEO podcast because they interviewed me and they wanted to interview. They wanted me to recommend someone else, so of course Jeff immediately pops in my head. So that's part of crafting that personal brand as an expert. So let's get into the rules because we're going to talk about all these principles of networking as we get through it. But the first golden rule of advanced networking strategies is actually the name of your first networking book called "Be One Phone Call Away. So what's behind that one, Jeff?

It's called One Phone Call Away. When I wrote that book, I didn't even know that I could write a book, and in fact, I never even thought to write a book. But I do all these things that people don't do, and I guess it really stands out. And someone significant came to me and said, "Jeff, you got to write a book. I discussed it with my father-in-law, and he wants to talk to. I said, "Who's your father-in-law? And he says, "Harvey McKay. He says, "I don't know. The listeners know who he is, but he was a very prominent author. He wrote a book called *Swimming with the Sharks* and he had a lot of interesting books. I said Harvey wants to talk to me. I mean, who am I? I'm nobody. I said, "Seriously? So I get on the phone with Harvey. Couldn't have been nicer. And he's telling me, says, "You know, Larry told me all these incredible things that you do and how powerful you are from the mill where he's gone to your things, and you should write a book, Jeff. I said, "Well,

Harvey, I never wrote a book before. Go for it. I'll send you stuff. You need my help? Call me. So I wrote the book literally on the airplane flying back and forth from Florida, longhand, longhand at that time. And I would come out to my home, back to my office, and have my secretary type it up. And it took me about a year. And everything that was in that book was in my head, and all these things that I do, and then I finish the book, and I say to myself, "Ken, what do I do now? Do I find an agent, and do I look for publishers? And I start making some calls. I said, "Wait a minute, let me call Harvey. Maybe Harvey will introduce me to his agent. And he did. He was very gracious. The agent says, "Send me the manuscript. I did, and he then reaches out to me shortly thereafter. "Jeff, I'm going to represent you. I said seriously. You're really gonna represent me? Says yes, Jeff. I'm sending you a contract. Sign the contract. Said seriously, you're really gonna represent me, Jeff? I'm

gonna send you the contract. Just sign the. I jumped out of my chair. I went sign the contract. He winds up coming to New York, and he says, keep your afternoon open. We we have a meeting at the end of the day. I said, okay, great. He comes. We spend time. We jump in a cab. We go to Penguin, the publisher. I meet the president on Penguin. Boom! The book's in five languages, and I wound up getting on the Today Show. Wow, that was the first book.

So I may have misspoke earlier when I said Jeff was the most network guy because Harvey McKay might be the most network guy. Harvey's still going. He's still doing great. He just did a lot. As a matter of fact, I just grabbed my book because on the back of the 10 golden rules of online marketing is a quote. The 10 golden rules of online marketing is solid gold. Anyone who uses a website for business and who doesn't will profit in every way from Jay's advice. Harvey McKay, author of the number one New York Times bestseller, Swim with the sharks without being eaten alive. So I also. Had a formative story with Harvey where his team wanted my help teaching him how to use the internet in the very early days of LinkedIn and social media and stuff, and he's done great.

I didn't know that's pretty funny. What an interesting coincidence!

So we got to hang out at a great conference. We spent three or four days together, and he's fantastic guy. Quick tip: the the McKay 150, you can get it free from all of Harvey's books and whatnot, and it's a list of 150 things that you should collect information about people. And Harvey always tells great stories about, like one of his clients' sons broke his leg, and he was a hockey goalie, and so Harvey had a connection over at the Minnesota hockey team, the professional hockey team, and he made a call over there, and he got a goalie stick signed by all the players at practice that day. And he was over that day in the afternoon in the hospital because you know because he knew the son was a hockey player, he knew he was a goalie, he knew dad was totally into hockey with this signed goalie stick. It solidified this customer for life because that was the kind of personal thing that Harvey always recommends. So the first rule: be one phone call away. You got the

book. Tell us what's the rule behind be one phone call away.

Well, you know clearly, everyone you meet is a resource potentially, and not maybe for yourself, but for other people too. And having those resources, knowing who you know, can be very helpful to yourself as well as people that you know. And I'm always going out of my way for people because why I'm asked a lot of time to do things. But I built such a substantive database that I literally push a button, I can make things happen. So, being one phone call away from someone that's meaningful, a resource not just for yourself but for others, is exponentially powerful and can change things very diametrically.

I've tried to replicate your database. I've got to get it in a software because I have it in Google Sheets right now, which is not as robust, but tell everybody where do you keep your database? What's in there? How do you update it? How do you research it? When I know you look for you know if you're looking for someone for whatever medical deal, you know do you search medical like how does it work?

Yeah, so all the things, the attributes, skill sets, or other points that are the factors of an individual, I database. I put them in the notes section. I put I I list them based upon what their skill sets are, and I have the wherewithal to find people based upon expert on you know minerals or some other things. And and I hit a button and it generates and lists of people that I can reach out to, I collect people. So when what does that mean? So when I meet somebody, I take their card, and you know, need to say, put them into my database. I then, in the notes section, say when I met them, the date, where I met them, who introduced me, what we were talking about, and then I go on LinkedIn just to see who they know that I know, and if we have commonality, which the majority of time I do, I'll reach out to someone that knows them. That'll turn into a conversation. Then I'll call the person back and say, "You know, I spoke to Steve. You know, you know, oh yeah, I know Steve.

Let's get together. And it magnifies it. It takes the relationship immediately to another level because of the commonality. I usually ask people for their bios because there's content in the bios that self describes, and I record the bios when I receive them in my database. So I'm able to find people not just by their name and their email address, but by their attributes, skill sets, or commonality. And I've got so many crazy stories that have happened over the years because I've been doing this,

how do you actually do it? Because I know one of the challenges some of us have, me included, you're great at the follow up. So tonight you have a cocktail party, you have a book introduction, hopefully be 100 or more people in the room, 20, 3040, You don't know. How do you actually physically get them in your database? Book those follow up meetings.

You know, as it happens, needless to say, I have the most guests. The most people I already have in my database, but for the ones that I don't have, that are guests of other people, what we do, and this is truly an unusual thing, because I don't think any other organization does this, we have a cocktail party. Whoever the members are are required to invite guests, when they're requiring guests, they have to get their bios, and all their bios are sent into our facilitator. Facilitator collates all the bios, and prior to the event, as it was this morning, she sends out to everybody coming. Everybody's coming. Now, everyone that's coming to tonight's cocktail party has the wherewithal to see who's going to be there and see their bios and know who they want to know, who they want to meet, before they even walk into the cocktail party. I find myself at these events, sort of being a traffic cop, and people coming up to me, and everyone has name badges, but you know

it's dark. You can't say Jeff. I'm looking for these three people, and I and I pull them over to this person, and it just changes the value of the cocktail party. And the electricity and the excitement, because it just takes it to another level. In terms of people that I don't know, I will take time tomorrow and the next day putting them all in my database with their bios.

So do you block off the time, like, or you just know that's your day tomorrow?

That's part of my day. I just do it. You know, I don't wait. I just I take care of it.

Yeah, that's great. You got to get it done. All right. Golden rule of advanced networking number one: be one phone call away. Become the person everyone calls when they need help. And Jeff's really done that as positioning himself. If you meet a CEO and and they have a problem, Jeff's always one of the first ideas that pops in my head because he's positioned himself that way. The second rule is the title of one of your your second or third book, called Opportunity Magnet. So, what's the golden rule behind becoming an opportunity magnet?

Well, clearly we're looking for opportunities. Everybody that's listening, we always are looking for opportunities. That's just the way things are. It's much easier when things come to you because they're drawn to you, versus not. An example is kind of stands out in my mind. I'm a very talkative individual, and I have no problem going up to people, just saying hi and chatting. I was at a cocktail party, and there's a gentleman standing there. For whatever reason, I went up to him and started chatting with him. We're talking for five minutes. It tells me his name is Mike, and you know, nice guy. I said, and after a few minutes of conversation, I turn to him. I said, Mike, what do you do? And he looks at me and says, I'm an accountant. I said, Oh, okay, that's great. And you know, I chatted for a few more minutes. I said, Mike, it was a real pleasure to meet you. I hope you have a really nice time tonight. And I moved on. I know 8000 accountants. Literally, there's no

shortage of people that I know that are accountants. If I was an accountant and you know someone came up to talk to me, I would say something like, "I specialize in tax disasters. I would say something that would be provocative. I would say something that would create a conversation or make me stand out in terms of having a greater breath and giving me a generic title as to what you do, unfortunately, in in reality, that's not an unusual situation. So many people have no idea of how to make themselves stand out and draw people to themselves. They just become monochromatic in their approach, and they don't do things or say things that draw people to them. So, the essence of that book is about what do you need to do to make yourself stand out, and goes into a whole bunch of different things, stories, and all sorts of interesting stuff. But that's what the essence is.

Yeah, it's like in your elevator speech and your LinkedIn profile. You're not supposed to say what you do, like accountant or for me, SEO company. People ask me what I do. I say we get law firms to the top of Google and generate more leads and more signed clients, and make it really clear what the benefit we're providing. All right, good stuff. The third one is actually the title of your book, your recent book, Know Who You Know. So, what's the golden rule behind know who you know?

You know, it's interesting because it's self-explanatory, but it's not. I mean, it's very obvious what that means in terms of the character of person, honesty, integrity, the breadth of their skill sets. But it goes way deeper than that. There's so many components that are touching and significant. I'll share one quick story. There's a chapter in the book that I wrote at the end called "Who in Your Life Has Had a Big Impact on You, and it just popped in my mind. I was thinking about that. I don't know why, and I had a name that immediately came to my mind. And I'm thinking about this verse, and I say, "Wait a second. Know who you know, who in your life's had a big impact on you. That could be an interesting chapter in a book. Now, going back to who you know, I decided to send an email to about 80 people in my database. I took the potential titles chapter and I put into the subject matter of the email, and I wrote, "I'm currently writing my fourth book. Know who you

know. Please take a look at the subject matter. I'd ask you now to pause, rewind the tape. If you have a great story about someone in your life that had a major impact on it, that changed your life, or was a guiding light that really stands out, and you're willing to take the time to share with me, I potentially will include your story in the chapter. I'd ask you to exclude your mother, father, siblings, someone separate apart. I said I'll go first. I got a job working in an electronics store in Marty Jamal, and when I was in eighth grade in Penn Station, it was a store where there were no fixed prices. Also, Tricia Cannery. I was supposed to deliver packages, but Marty liked me. So get behind the counter. You got to learn how to sell. It was a store that was, you know, literally constant manipulation. I learned how to look people in the eyes. I learned how to sell. I became their best salesman. I went running the stores. I created a luggage business, and I learned how to

become very confident and strong. And simultaneously, I went to NYU. I got my business degree, but my business degree from Montgomery Grant blew away that piece of paper. It was the foundation to my business success, and I said, "Thank you, Marty. You changed my life. You got a great story. Please send it to me. This goes back to well, you know, in the power of your database. I hit send. 80 people I picked. 20-three wrote stories. Another 20 called me. The second story that I got blew me away. A guy that I hadn't seen 20 years started off by saying, I was worked at the World Trade Center, and I was at work on 911 My offices were three flights below where the first plane hit. Parts of that plane went through our windows. Pieces. I got hit in my arm, leg, and shoulders. I'm bleeding along the floor. I'm in terrible pain. Everything's on fire above us. I can't see. The smoke is overwhelming, and I realize the only way I'm gonna save my life is to try to get to the

stairwell, which I did. We're going down the stairs in horrible pain, and all of a sudden, firemen starting to pass me. One fireman stops, says, "Give me your arm. I takes my arm, puts it over his shoulder. He walks me down 70 flights of stairs the entire time he and I are speaking. We get to the 10th floor, and he says to me, "Bob, get out of the building. Get out as quickly as you can. Get as far away as you can. I got to go back up and do my job. I listened to Frank. Got away from the building. Shortly thereafter, the building collapsed. Frank perished. I was devastated. This man saved my life. My wife and I did everything we could to find his wife. I knew his wife's name. I knew we had two babies at home. We found her. We embraced her. We got very close to her.

My kids are the same age as Frank's kids. They're like brothers and sisters now. We spend our holidays with her. Thank you, Frank. You saved my life and gave me a second family. I put that story in the chapter. So the breadth of knowing who you know has so many aspects to it, and so many things that can happen. And this book has so many great things that go beyond what just the words say

that's fantastic, and Jeff really lives it. And one of the things that I'll reinforce that he does really well is he constantly is reaching out to me and booking another coffee or another meeting, or we go for dinner with our wives, and he's always reinforcing you know his knowledge base. So tell me exactly who's a great introduction for you? Who are you doing business with? Who do you want to meet? And I bet you go back and database that as well.

I do

know who you know, and like you said, know a lot about them. Know about their character and know about their business. All right, so we're up to golden rule number four, and this one is basic networking. You've heard before, hopefully, which is no like trust, and I've added refer, and I'll explain the basic principle. So, in networking, you've got to really get to know people, and a lot of people show up once a month at their networking group, whether it's the chamber of Commerce, or their bar association, if they're an attorney, or one of the networking groups we talked about. After a year or so, they don't renew, and they say, "Hey, I didn't get a lot of business out of this group. And the problem is, you have to really get to know people, and they have to get to like you, and they have to get to trust you before they're going to refer you, and that takes one-on-ones, and it takes multiple meetings, and it takes some lunches or some cocktail parties in addition to the

one-on-ones, and so no like trust refer is not just a slogan; it's a a mantra that you need to live to get to really know people, and we've talked about a couple examples of how Jeff goes out of his way to get a meeting, to get another meeting, to find a LinkedIn connection, and then set up a three-way meeting. So, Jeff, you want to comment on no like trust refer?

Yes. Look, first of all, they're they're 24 hours in the day, and obviously we're all consumed in our lives. So how do how do you devote your time? Now those criteria are essential, but it goes to the point of your instincts, your visceral sense, your gut feeling. When you meet somebody, sometimes you have some commonality where where you don't know like you got to really feel there's a synergy, and it starts with that first thing is your gut feeling. When you do meet somebody, always get in front of them. You know, as when Jay came to the first meeting way back when to the strategic forum, I didn't just want to make a call. I went up there to see him to look him in his eyes because you get a sense of somebody, and that's so incredibly important because the other things are wasted if you don't have that positive sense. You know, I have a rule about there are three types of people: there are givers, there are matchers, and there are takers. I'm a giver. That's just

who I am. I love giving. I love making difference. Matchers are people that if I do for you, what are you going to do for me? And then there are takers that are all about themselves. And I have a guy that I was, I'm friends with for 20 some odd years, but I'm not really friends with him because every time I go sit and talk to him, and he's an accomplished guy, all he does is talk about himself. It's all about him and his issues, and so he's dating. And the last time I met with him, which actually has been now three years, I had an issue, and I started talking about dead eyes. Had like no interest in hearing what I. Had to say, and I made a statement to myself after I walked. I said, "I'm done. I'm not going to waste my time. Even though I liked him, it's all about him. He's a guy I describe him in the book as someone that lives in a room where all the walls are mirrors. All he does is look at himself. So the key thing, aside from those three things that the subject matter is, is

you got to have a really good feeling about some. You got to like them, and you got to want to just be positive, and then you know you go deeper in terms of creating more connectivity.

Yeah, just to build on that, one of the things about the strategic forum that I really liked is the board requires that everybody has a one-on-one with everybody on the board before they become an official member, and there's four or five things you have to do to run the gauntlet. But that was fantastic because I had a lunch with some of the guys, a coffee or whatever, went for dinner, and by the time I made it through the nine-person board, took three or four months, and I was a member of this organization. I now had nine relationships, which is very different than when you show up at a monthly breakfast meeting, and you're like, "Oh, how's the kids? What are you doing this summer? How's the weather? You know, I had nine people I knew about them. I knew a little bit about their family, their business, and when I got a chance to be on the board, I really relished that opportunity because it meant that every potential new member and every member who did join the

organization, I now had a one-on-one, and I had a relationship with, and I've continued that with all my different groups. If you don't have that one-on-one meeting, you never get past a surface relationship. How's the kids? Like, how's Jeremy or whatever? Right? Like, you never get past that level. I'm going to build off something you said because we're going to golden rule number five, and that's two ears and one one mouth. And I quote Seth Godin on this because he said his mother always taught him, "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, meaning that you should listen more than you talk. And Jeff mentioned that with the guy who had the the four mirror walls, and only wanted to talk about himself. It's very, very important in business and life and networking to build relationships with people, and to do that, you've got to listen more than you talk. So, Jeff, what do you think about two ears and one mouth?

Listening is essential. Mouth works too, but the the bottom line is, hearing what people are about and/or what they're going through, and having sensitivity is an extremely important character builder. It evokes trust. It evokes possibilities, and it's a game changer. Whenever I meet people, I'm listening because I'm recording what they're saying, so I can memorialize it in my database. And at the same time, if my gut is good, I feel like I'm already thinking about who'd be a good person to introduce them to. And many times, I'll introduce people very quickly, but I do so under the premise when I introduce it. I just met this gentleman. He seemed very bright, or whatever you know. I think his attributes are. I don't know him well because I literally just met him, but I just thought you guys would have synergies. That's the type of thing I do also regularly. But it's all about hearing and not talking about yourself. And I'm sure everybody here listening to this has

stories about people like it's all about them, and those people are something worth spending a lot of time on.

I'm always looking for the magic question. I don't think I've quite figured it out, and the magic question for a networker asks the person that you meet what problems they have, what keeps them up at night, what's their pain point, because you want to help them solve it. So, do you just get to that in conversation, Jeff, or do you have a specific question or set of questions you ask to unveil opportunities for your network? I

don't have a defined recipe. I have a defined methodology, and that is, I have a gut reaction based upon the interaction I'm having with someone, and that will dictate what I ask or how I go deeper, I don't ask. Don't ask the questions. What's your pain point? I never really ask that. Barring someone says to me they're going through an issue and they'll to share me with tell me what's going on. How can I help you? I'm more interested in learning about what they have to share and and when whatever they're sharing and then I ask questions and I go deeper to the left or to the right or up or down, and I let people because that's also whether they're going to be an opportunity magnet or not as well. Because what you say and the way you say it makes you stand out either positively or negatively. And you know, I had a meeting yesterday with a guy that very very nice guy, but he really doesn't make himself stand out properly. And I like them, so I'm actually going to say

something to him because I'm going to talk to him again because I wanted to absorb a little bit. Most people don't get it, and it's not the anomaly. It's so many, and I'm sure we all know people like that. Sam, from my perspective, you know, I look to help them, but I just listen to what people say, and that's how I react.

This next one is a Jeff Michelle classic. Collect passions, not business cards. And Jeff always asks people, you know, what are your passions? What are your hobbies? And he collects them. He keeps them in his database. So I won't spoil your whole golden rule. Go ahead and share.

It's funny you say that because had a strategic form cocktail party two ones before the one tonight, and I had a friend come who runs a big investment fund, and he's done very well, and he's really nice guy. I went to his residence to hang out with him one day. I don't know, it's about a year ago, and he shared with me that you know he's really into baseball cards, and he started showing me these collection of cards, like sick cards that he had, and you know it stuck in my mind. So he's at the strategic firm cocktail party, and sometimes we have a tendency to maybe introduce our guests like for one minute. So I introduce him. He's an investment guy. I said he's got a big fund. I said, and the really cool thing about Alan, he's got the sickest baseball card collection. I was in his house. He showed me a spy Cobb's baseball card. I said it was so cool, and I moved on. Two weeks later, Alan calls me. I says, "Jeff, I got to tell you, that was the greatest cocktail party

I ever went to. He says, "I met so many people. I five different people come to me about cards. One guy also collects cards. He's asking me questions, and another guy had a stub from the Super Bowl. He's wondering what he thinks it's worth. It created so many interactions and so many possibilities. And and he was like, "Thank you so much. That was really amazing. So you know, it's just interesting how people react and stuff. And I've come across some pretty weird things people collect over the years. But it's a good question to ask.

You have an eidetic memory because I've learned from you to collect people's passions, and I keep them in my database. But I don't seem to remember as well as I wish I did.

You know that's you know getting older now, so that might be part of the problem.

You don't have an answer for me, just a problem. Thanks. Well,

you know, you know, obviously the unique things stand out more. You can't remember everything. That's why you database it.

That's great, and you do tap the database. Like I remember, you told me a story. You had a great red wine, and you went in your database and found 10 or 12 people who loved wine and red wine, and you sent them a note about this really great wine that was very fair price, and and you reached out to them. Is that is that happen often?

Yeah, look, it does. I mean, I I have a I send out start sending it to you something called the Ross Rant, which is a very well-established Wall Street guy who retired. He's very famous, and it's a subscription that one of my investors sends to me. I literally send it to 20-five people now, and now people are constantly calling. Thank you, Jeff. This is so meaningful. Everyone wants me to send to them. It doesn't really mean a lot in terms of something for me, but what it does mean is I'm connecting with people without it being an ask, without like soliciting anything. I'm just sharing something that might have some intellectual value to them, and it's appreciated. So now I'm in their mind; they're thinking about me more, and that turns into possibilities. It's just kind of a cool thing on the side. I'll start sending it to you. I haven't sent it to you yet. Thank you.

I look forward to it. This next one is a relatively simple tip, but it's been great for me in my career because Jeff's probably one of the rare extroverts who can walk into any room and strike up conversations. But a lot of us are somewhat introverted, and you can be both. By the way, you can be highly introverted and highly extroverted, and so a lot of times when I walk into a room and I don't know anybody, it's a little hard for me to get started. So one of the easy tips that I learned is you find someone who's on their own, because 99 times out of 100 they are desperately anxious to talk to someone because their boss made them go to the chamber of commerce, or their someone introduced them to the strategic forum, and they haven't met anyone there yet, and their friend isn't there at the meeting yet. One thing I learned is you picture a house in your mind, and this is a series of questions that can make the conversation supernatural. And the first question is,

"Where are you from? Because you're picturing the home. Then the next question is, "Tell me about your family. You don't say, "Do you have any kids? Because that might be awkward if they don't. You say, "Tell me about your family. They could tell you about their grandfather who was a war hero. Then you say, "Do you have any passions or hobbies? And you picture some golf clubs by the home. Then you picture a plane flying over the home. Say, "Do you have any vacations planned this summer? And then you see the the clouds up there in the skies with the plane, and you say, you know, do you have any dreams or plans? And then you could ask them. Imagine a there's a garden shed in the back, and they're big gardener. You know, do you have any projects you're working on, or any anything that's keeping you up at night? And that's that magic question I was mentioning before, where you're looking for opportunities to help them, and opportunities to introduce someone in your network where they

can be of service. So, Jeff, how do you walk into a room, and how do you strike up these meaningful conversations?

Well, fortunately, I don't have that problem. I still. To people standing there, and I'll just hi and just start chatting, and I embrace people. I, I guess, I'm an extrovert. I really haven't thought much about that issue in terms of being an introvert because I've never been one. We all have responsibilities to ourselves, you know. And the and and if we're deficient, you know, you got to have a desire. I mean, if someone came up to me and said, "Look, I'm really not that good at this. You know, what do you suggest? I would just say, "I'm not really into these contrived, you know, your house and these things. Just go up to someone, you know. Just hi, how are you? My name's Steve. I just want to say hi. If you're at a cocktail party, you're at an event. Everybody there is for the same purpose. They all want to say meet people, say hi. So they're going to they're going to respond. It's more of until you know your brain reacting in a way that's positive versus coming up

with some contrived thing that's insincere. They're hackneyed questions, at least from my perspective. If you're quiet and introverted, but you really want to push not to be, then push not to be. Go to an event, go to somebody. They're there too to meet people. See, intellectually, you know, everyone there wants to talk to people and push yourself over the hurdle. And hi, you know, that's a great suit. Or what do you do? I'm just, you know, it's curious. I'm here, you know, I do this. Maybe talk about yourself for a second and see what the person says. So that that would be more my way of doing it. If I was introverted, then come up with these little contrived things. I I just think it's more sincere and more realistic.

Yeah, trust me. The rest of the world needs needs a little guideline. Okay, for you, you're you're you're blessed. Well, how about the classic? You know, there's it's early in the cocktail party. We we hosted a cocktail party for Strategic Forum a couple weeks ago, and there's a clump of three or four people, and there's a clump of three or four people. How do you break into those twos or threes when they're already engaged deeply in a conversation?

If you know them, it's easy. If you don't know them, you know you just can walk over and say, you know, just want to introduce myself. I, you know, I'm a friend of such and such. I'm here as a as a guest. They're there to meet people. So again, it's your mind. It's just feeling confidence. Confidence is a very important thing, and you just be polite and be nice, and people are going to be responsive. They're going to react. It's

great. All right. Well, we're up to rule number eight: give before you get, or give to get. You know, again, very standard networking practice. And why don't you riff on that one for a minute?

Yeah, you know, so my view about that's a little on the extreme side, from the perspective that I don't really expect to get. I always give. I love to give. I feel good about giving. I've things have happened that are so meaningful because I live my life that way. That said, I do like to get things, and things have happened that have been very beneficial to me because of the people that I know, and even from the least likely place. You know, I've got so many incredible stories somewhere a little long, which I won't do right here. But I live my life to make a difference. And when people ask me what I do, I tell them two things: I'm a salesman, and I got to make a difference. And so, if I can help people and go out of my way and and open a door that would be meaningful to them, or help them with some sort of issue because they just don't know what to do, and I hook them up and and really helps them, it creates the perception of who I am and puts me out there that I get

recognition and things come from the least likely place because I'm perceived and I'm known as the master networker and the guy that does all these things, and I get a lot without expecting to get anything.

Yeah, there's so many things you can give. I mean, obviously introductions in a networking standpoint are super valuable. I'm just articles, referrals. This podcast has been great for me. When I have a guest on the podcast, I can really help build their personal brand. and And by the way, Jeff, this podcast is probably going to be one of the top items on Google for your name going forward because the podcast and the YouTube channel has taken on a life of its own.

Well, I'm elated to be have the opportunity that you provided me, so I can give a big thank you for me. I'll give I'll give you one example of something about what I just said in describing myself an actual story. I had a banker. His name's Cliff. When I was in my company, was younger, and I used to go to the bank all the time and make my own deposits. And over a long period of time, I got to know Cliff and always go and schmooze him in his office. One day, he's not in his office and you know okay and then the next three four times I go to the bank he's not in his office and light switches off so it struck me and I walk over to the secretaries I said excuse me I know Chris stopped in here for the last five weeks whatever his lights off is he still working for the bank I see his name's on the door they said yes you know I said well he's up in here so he had a tragedy in the family I said oh I'm so sorry. What happened? I said, "Well, we can't really talk, you know,

about personal matters. And I stood there and I looked at the door and I looked at his name and paused and I said, "Should I call him? I wasn't friends with him. I was friendly and I always used to go in to say hi to him. And I debate. I decided not to call. Some time went by and he comes back to his office and I. Seeing the office, I walk in. I said, "Cliff, are you okay here? I heard something really terrible happened. And you can see him, the stress in his face. So he closes the door. I sit down. I sit right across from him. He begins to explain that his nephew is driving across the Cross Island Parkway. Four boys, 17 years old, lost control of the car, hit the median, flew into a tree, car blew up. All four kids were incinerated, literally. His sister, this is her only child, and they have no money. Their house is in foreclosure. He had to borrow him, take money out of his IRA to pay for the funeral, and he had to go identify the son, his nephew, who is unidentifiable. And as he's

telling me this story, he's crying. There's tears coming his face. I don't know what to say. I'm sitting there, like my chin is like, what do you say? I'm so sorry. I mean, I felt horrible, but I don't know why I did what I did. I looked at him. I said, "What's your sister's name? He told me. I said, "And what's your brother-in-law's name? And he told me. I went back to my office. I spent the next number of days calling anyone I felt comfortable to call to make a donation to the family, 20-$5 $50 100 It's not a foundation. I get it's a family. I raised $16,000 in about four days. I obviously wrote a check myself. I go back to the bank. I walk into his office. I say, Cliff, you have a few minutes to chat. And he says, I close the door. I said, Listen, I was so impacted by this horrible thing that happened to you. This is what I did. I take and then I tell him what I did, and I put the checks down on his desk, and he starts to shake. He's starting to shake, and tears start

coming out. He gets up and he grabs me and holds me in his arms. I feel him hold like sternly, and I feel a tear hits the side of my face, and they they started to cry. I I was so taken. I go back to my office. Number of you know some time went by. I got this beautiful letter from the sister and the brother-in-law. More time goes by. This bank was owned by a guy who dies in a fire in Paris. It was Republican National Bank. Bank gets taken over by HSBC. Cliff calls me. I says, "Jeff, I need to speak to you right away. It's really important. I said, "Can we have lunch today? I said, "Well, I haven't lunch. This is no, no. I need to talk to you.

I said, "You want me to cancel my place? I need to speak to. It's really. So I go over lunch. He's telling me, "You don't got to believe this. HSBC bought the bank, and and they're giving me the biggest job I'm ever getting. They're paying me more money than ever before. It's the most like I said. That's an incredible thing. I said, "Cliff, that's great. I had to cancel my lunch for you to tell me this. Said, "No, no, but I don't know what to do What do you mean? Well, the executive team-they're not going to go with HSBC. They're going to create this brand new bank called Signature Bank. They got a major financier in Lubinar behind them, and they want me to go with them to be their number one banker. And I don't know what to do. It's a startup. 90-5% of startups fail. I don't have any money. I can't take the risk. I said, Cliff, you're going to Signature. You're going there. Got major guys involved. HSBC is a big British bank. It's a totally different culture. You're going

with these guys. You really like. I told him you're doing what I'm. Is we do me one big favor. I said, "What? Can you meet Joe, the president? I meet Joe. We have lunch. Joe, he's Cliff's going. Cliff, can you go? Fast forward. He goes. The bank goes public. He's doing great. I have all my deposits there, and they had an issue with partners. They weren't going to get. They wanted. It was an Israeli group. Also, partners. They want to get rid of them. So they do a an event to raise money at the Palace Hotel. 300 of the clients show up, and for an hour and a half, if you'll know this story, Jay. For an hour and a half, this presentation's gone on, and it ends. And the president Joe comes to the front of the dais, and I have a rule, which is always ask the first question. I told you that one a long time ago, right? Yeah. And Joe comes to the front of desk. Are there any questions? I fly on my chair, flail in my arm. He sees me, Jeff. How are you? I mean, that happened to be

maybe a month after my book, One Phone Call Away, just came out, and I was on the Today Show. Joe sees me, Jeff. How are you, Jeff? How are you? I'm doing great, thanks. I heard about the book; it's going great. I said, "Congratulations! I said, "By the way, when you ask the first question, make sure it's a good question. I said, "You talk about expansion. You've done unbelievable. You're public. You know, you grew so much. You got also all the city. Have you thought about opening a branch in South Florida, like Bal Harbor, for example? You open a branch down there. You know I'm down there. I'm there most of my time. I'll bring you 100 clients right away because you know that I know everybody. Everybody in the room turned around and looked at me. He had no interest. I sit down. I go back to my office. Cliff calls me up and says, "I got this guy, Arthur. You want to know about you? I tell him about your book. It comes to my office. To this day, I'm very friendly with Arthur. Two days

later, I'm in my building where I lived. The woman gets the elevator. Excuse me. You were at the signature bank meeting. You brought up the the thing about the Florida. My husband works in the Jericho branch. I got the elevator. Talked to her a while. A few days after that, I'm walking down the street. I go to a shirt store, looking at shirts. Some guy taps me on the shoulder. He says, "Excuse me, you're at the signature bank meeting. You you brought up the idea of opening branch in Val Harbor. I even thought I thought it was the greatest idea. I exchanged his cards. I put in my database. I you know told me what he does.

Maybe a week after that, Cliff calls me and says, "Listen, there's a cocktail party at corporate headquarters. Joe asked me if he could attend. He wants to talk to you about something. I go to the cocktail party. Everyone's schmoozing. Joe comes on me a minute. We walk outside. He says, "Listen, two board seats became available in the back." Senator Amato is taking one. We'd like him to take the other one. I said, "Me, me? He said, "I'm just a little real estate guy in

your city. Exactly.

So means as I say, took I went on the board. Most amazing thing. And some time went by, and it was extremely lucrative. It was very prestigious. I said, "Joe, how come? How did you wind up deciding me? He says, "Well, Jeff, when you got up and spoke, it hit me. You're the master networker. You're a real estate guy. You're a lender, and you were responsible for us to get our number one back. We said we want you. So I wound up being on the Buddhist Signature Bank for 15 years. It was incredibly lucrative. It was a very prestigious thing. It was so incredibly meaningful. But it goes back to the thing I said before. When people ask me what I do. I say I'm a salesman, and I have to make a difference. Rewind the tape. When I found out a cliff's nephew perishing, and I sat there with him, I did what I did with no agenda for me. It wasn't like, what am I going to get out of this? And there was nothing about me. It was about making a difference for somebody that was terribly

afflicted. So if you go out of your way and you make a difference and do nice things. Sometimes really great things, like what happened to me, happens. Cool story.

Yeah, I was going to bring it back too, but the rule was, you know, give to give, but you give to get, and when you do great things, it comes back and it's recognized and remembered. All right, we're getting deep into these rules, but number nine, one to ones are a verb, and I think we've covered that pretty well. And and basically the the concept here is, you know, Jeff came up to my office to meet with me, but he doesn't stop. Every three months, six months, he's like, "Hey, let's get together. I want to find out what you're up to. I want to find out who you want to do business with, and he really goes out of his way to have that second, third, and fourth meeting. So a one-to-one is not a noun. I say it's a verb, and you have to constantly spend time with folks to deepen that relationship. What's your philosophy on that one?

It's just it's it's a commitment. You know, it's a commitment to yourself, and it's a commitment to the people you know, and the more you know, the more insight that you have, the more meaningful you can be to the person that you know, as as well to yourself. Because when you're doing that and getting in front of people, you're learning about the person that you're speaking with, but they're also learning about you, and they're also interested in you because you're taking the time to spend your time with them, and all of a sudden they meet someone that is relevant to your interests because you showed up. It's all about showing up, and you know the most important thing is to get in front of people and look eye to eye and be listening and be open and go out of your way, and just amazing things happen. I mean, it's just it's really not all the time. It's not like, gee, this a quid pro quo. I did this for you. You know, what's in favor? That's the wrong way to go. If

your philosophy and your principles go the way I'm suggesting, aside from like great things that happen, like me getting on the board of Signature Bank because I made a difference, it feels great, and your it's your reputation is what you have, and that is so essential because when people speak about you, you want them to really like you, and you want them to respect you and have high regard. And when they speak of you, it's good things. It really makes a difference. Always show up, get in front of people, and be a giver.

All right, we did it. We got to number 10, and number 10 is, I think, one of the more sophisticated networking lessons I've learned, and that's to build your own Dream 100 And there's a great book by Chet Holmes called The Ultimate Sales Machine, and in that book, he talks about the Dream 100 from a sales perspective, and that's figuring out who your target is and honing it down. The story he tells in the book: He went to work for one of Charlie Munger's companies. They sold Marine Advertising magazine, and they were targeting 30,000 people, everyone in the Marine industry. And he said, "Well, who's your Dream 100? They said, "All 30,000. He said, "No, hone it in. And what he said is, let's make a list of everybody who's run a full-page ad in one of our competitors' magazines, and they honed it down to 162, and they sold like crazy. But the networking Dream 100 is to build your own Dream 100 of people who have relationships that they also do what you either they're great

networkers like Jeff's built this group called the Strategic Forum of CEOs who get it who like to make these kinds of business introductions. I've built a group of other folks who work with law firms. They sell to law firms, and it's been fantastic for all of us because we can all help each other because we're not competitive, but we have exactly the same target audience. So, Jeff, why don't you talk about building your own Dream 100 building your own networking group, and being the center of

it? So, I'm a bit different than perhaps a lot of people from the perspective of a Dream 100 because I do so many different things. You know, my dream 100 is just really being around accomplished people with different apertures in the business world, because my passion is doing this. You know, being the connector, and you know, what enables me to stay ahead of my wife's expenses is you know being the real estate guy, buying buildings, and all that stuff. And I am part of a real estate organization where everybody's in the real estate space, and we have meetings, and that's great. I mean, it's helpful. But my dream 100 is is different because I'm not really selling a product or have a specific business that where there are a lot of people that do exactly what I do. That said, what what Jay is saying is really important for most people because most people are doing something where there's you know a lot of people that are very synergistic with the same objectives, and

to go get involved in something that that specifically everyone has a similar aperture as to the business interests that they have becomes very pop very powerful, especially when there's a lot of connectivity and giving. So you know, my dream 100 is just sharp, interesting, educated, dynamic people that I can share with the people that I care about in my life that are part of my organizations and that are in my database because that's who I am and that's what what I live to do.

You founded this great group, the CEO group called the Strategic Forum. What do you think's the difference of being the the founder and being the center of that group over the years? Because I guess we're getting close to 20 years. What's the difference between being at the hub of it, and if he would have just said, "No, you know, it's a lot of work. I'm just going to go to my chamber of commerce, and and that's enough for me.

Okay. I enjoy it on so many different levels. Yes, of course, I'm always looking for new investors and business opportunities. But what I learn is so truly powerful. I also enjoy making something that's different from everything else, and as you know, I don't call the strategic forum a networking group. I call it a team organization. And in my word or in my vocabulary, team is an acronym. It stands for together everyone achieves more. And if we take the time to really know about each other and learn about each other, like Jay says, I go and sit and talk to him. What's going on? I need to understand more thoroughly about your key focus, and I can make the right introductions. If everybody did that, you know, because we all have contacts and know people, and we really took the time to do that. It's not that much time, but how powerful does it become? Because we come up with ideas for each other unsolicited, you know. I did something for one of our members. It was a big

real estate guy in Boca. He's got 1500 brokers, and I told him in December that he should do a year-end letter about the market in South Florida. The resident, what's selling, what's where she's, what she's stay away with, what he's seeing. You know, New York. You have a mandami who's getting elected. He got a lot of people that are going to leave. I said, if you do that letter, Ben, I'll send it out to hundreds of people in my database that are in New York and other places that might be thinking about going to Florida. And you know, who do they call? I send them that letter. They're going to call you. And you remember we were at the bright the lunch to launch the new chapter, the strategic forum, and I told the story to everybody. There were nine people at the table. I said, "If Ben does the letter, how many of you here would send it out to people in your database? And everybody at the table raises their hand. Four days later, I got the letter. I fixed it. I made it better. He sent it

to me. I sent it out to at least a few 100 people, and he started getting calls. He's going like this to this person. Started things to happen. He then calls me two weeks later and says, "Jeff, you're not going to believe this. I said, "What, Ben? He says, "I decided to send a letter to all my brokers, to all the 1,500 brokers, and a few 100 of them reached out and asked if they could change Ben's name to their name, and they could send it out to their own their own database. A few 100 of them. It turned into so much business activity and so many different things. It was overtime. He says, "Jeff, I got to thank you. That was an unbelievable idea. And the point of the story is, he didn't ask me to come up with an idea. He didn't ask me for my help. I saw things and I saw something, and I came forward and made the suggestion. If we all did stuff like that for each other, how powerful would that become?

Jeff, as always, the stories of the power, right? I love it. So I'll just run quickly through the 10 golden rules of advanced networking. Number one is be one phone call away. Number two is become an opportunity magnet. Number three is know who you know. Jeff's new book, highly recommend it, available on Amazon. No trust refer, and so you've you've got to get to know people before you're going to get the referrals, and you've got to stick with this stuff for six or 12 months. Don't expect that the first time you walk into a chamber of commerce meeting, you're going to get a whole. And we're not talking about chamber of commerce meetings here. We're talking about sophisticated networking groups. But the first time you show up, you're. Not going to get the benefit. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. You're supposed to listen more than you talk. Collect passions. Jeff does a great job of finding people's passions and remembering them and databasing them.

Number seven strategies for just walking up to people at a meeting and Jeff just walks up and introduces himself and he knows that's why he's there. That's why he's at a a cocktail party or or a business event. I shared my tip of picturing the house where you can ask people if you're not as a natural a conversationalist as Jeff, ask them where they're from, ask them about their family, ask them about their hobbies or passions, ask them if they have any trips planned that summer, and that'll make the conversation easy if the two of you are a bit more awkward. Rule number eight: Give before you get. Rule number nine: One-on-ones are a verb. That first meeting is not the end of building that relationship. You want to constantly grab a coffee, grab a lunch, grab time if you're at an event together. And finally, rule number 10: Build your own Dream 100. Build your own networking group, and when you you put the time in and the effort, and you're the center of the group, like Jeff

said, you know you're going to meet all the new members, and all the new members are going to go out of their way to remember you and recognize you and make the introductions for you. Jeff, I think we did it. I mean, I think that's a pretty good primer for someone who wants to take their networking and their business relationships to the next level,

I thank you for inviting me the opportunity to share my feelings, my thoughts, and my passions. I hope that I resonated to the audience, and they they hear things that are like, "Wow, that's interesting. I'm going to look to do that, and if I did, then I made a difference, and that's you know what I look to do.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time. I encourage everyone to grab Jeff's books, but particularly the new one, Know Who You Know is just coming out now, and give him a five star review. Jeff, thanks again for your time.

Thank you, Jay. Really appreciate. Have a great day.