Whose expectations are you living up to? | DFS 417

Welcome to Destin for Success. I'm your

host Jennifer Takagi, and today I want to talk about

expectations. Specifically, whose expectations are you

living up to? Last week we had a great conversation with Shai

Rose, and she was talking about the power of remaining calm,

especially in the midst of all the chaos. Remaining calm, and

when you're the leader, the CEO, or the person that is looked up

to in any type of crisis situation, remaining calm is

very critical, but sometimes when we are feeling that

pressure, that pressure isn't coming from everything we have

to do. It's not like that huge to-do list. It comes from who we

think we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to act, and I

know there have been times in my life when I thought, "Wow, like,

am I doing what I'm supposed to do? Like, what is happening

here? Many of you have heard the story of my experience with the

Oklahoma City bombing, and working to put an office back

together, and all the things that came with that event, and I

can remember calling my mom one day, and I said, "I just think

Dad's disappointed in me, and my mom was stunned, and she was

like, "Why would your dad be disappointed in you? And I said,

"Well, I think he just expected me to respond better, and like

there wasn't really a a whole blueprint for what to do given

the circumstances. But I just I felt like I wasn't doing enough

in his eyes, and come to find out that that was just a made-up

story in my eyes, in my mind. So when we're talking about

pressure, when we're talking about situations and how we want

to deal with them, sometimes we need to look at where the

pressure is coming from. Are these actually your expectations

of yourself, or are they coming from someone else? My remember

one time my mom was mad at her father, and that's a whole

nother. That's a whole separate, like whole podcast title. Like

not even within my podcast, and that would be its own like

series of episodes. But they did not get along very well, and we

were there for a family holiday. And my dad walked in the

kitchen, and my mom was doing dishes, crying. And he said,

"What is the matter? And she was like, "You know, my dad said

whatever. And he goes, "Well, let's just go home. Like, just

dry your hands. Let's get in the car. Let's just leave. And my

mom said, "We can't leave until I finish these dishes, and my

dad said, "Why can't you? And she said, "My name would be Mud.

Everybody would be mad at me and think less of me if I left

without finishing the dishes. Did she know for sure that would

happen, or was that the story she had in her mind of what

other people expected of her? I remember hosting my first big

family event. I had bought my first house. It was very small,

and we were having both my sisters, all their kids. There

might have just been three at the time. No, four at the time.

I don't think the fifth one was here yet. But so we're all going

to be at my house, and it's Easter, and we're basically

doing Thanksgiving dinner for Easter: turkey dressing,

mashed-shaped gravy, the whole nine yards. That's what we're

gonna do for Easter, and so I told my family I'm gonna make

the turkey, the dressing, the mashed tasting, the gravy. Those

are the big things. They also happen to be the things I like

the most about Thanksgiving dinner. So the time comes, it's

at noon, and everybody starts piling in my house. And I had

everybody bring a dish. Like, if you want something other than

the four things I'm making, then knock yourself out. I also might

have made Jell-O, because my roommate at the time's mom asked

where the green vegetable was, and Amy yelled at me and. Said,

hey, what green vegetable are we having? And I was like, well, I

made green Jello. Doesn't that count? They did not think it

counted, by the way. So everybody piles in. Everybody

brings their, you know, favorite side to go with what I started

turkey dressing, mashed cheese, and gravy. And I can

remember my sister saying, "This isn't right.

This doesn't count. You didn't make the whole meal. And I said,

"What? And she said, "Well, when it's at my house, I have to make

everything, which I had also made pies, and I remember

distinctly showing up at her house with pies I had baked, and

I was stunned because she believed that if she didn't cook

the whole entire meal, it didn't count, and she also believed

that she was responsible for the whole meal, and I don't really

know where that came from. And you know, my mom since passed

away, so I can't really ask her. But like, where did that

expectation that if you host the meal, you have to make

everything? Like, I had to clean my house. I had to make sure I

had enough dishes because back in the day, and even still in my

house, I don't use I don't use paper plates and stuff. I have

real dishes, real silverware. It's not silver; it's flatware.

But I like I put it all out there. I might have some paper

cups here and there, but I have glasses typically for everyone.

But the point is, like I feel like if I did all the things to

get my house ready, which can be a big deal some days, and I make

the main pieces of the meal, then that's good. Like you bring

whatever else you want. I don't eat onions in any way, shape, or

form, so people are often bringing all kinds of side

dishes full of onions, and that's great. They can eat them,

but I don't need to make them. Like I don't need to do that. So

I don't know where that expectation came from, and I'm

pretty confident I said something really tacky, not

level three if you know what level three is. Not level three

behavior. And I said, "Well, it's not my fault you weren't

smart enough to ask people to bring stuff. Like that's on you.

That's not on me that I was smart enough to ask. So now

everybody brings something to every single family meal, and

sometimes we have. I think the largest I've hosted in my house

one time was 29, and that was a lot. That was a lot of people.

We were everywhere: living room, dining room, kitchen, sunroom.

We were just all sprawled out. So whose expectations are they?

Nobody. gonna look at my baseboards one way or the other.

Do I have to clean my baseboards before a family gathering? I

mean, I'm gonna say hard no because, yeah, no, I'm not going

to. But I have things that I think should be done. My

sister-in-law and I were organizing, I think it was a

Christmas dinner, and something was said about having ham. And I

said, "Oh, great! And I'm sorry I'm making y'all so hungry in

this conversation, but she said ham, and I said, "Great! I will

bring the boxed scallop potatoes. and the fresh green

beans, and if you get the ham and the rolls, then we're set.

That's everything. And she goes, "Oh my gosh, we can make boxed

green beans. And I said, "Oh yeah, we totally, we can totally

do boxed green beans. I mean, not boxed boxed scallop

potatoes. Boxed scalloped potatoes are delicious. I've

made homemade scalloped potatoes before. Yeah, they're good, but

the box was perfection every time. And a friend of mine said,

"What are you doing for Christmas? And I said, "Well,

we're gonna get together with my brother-in-law and

sister-in-law, and she goes, "What are you having? And I told

her, and she goes, "You're doing boxed scalloped potatoes for a

family meal. And I was like, "Yeah, we love them. Yes, we're

doing it. So my girlfriend's expectation was, if it's not

made from scratch, it's worthless. You shouldn't do it.

Like it's terrible, and I'm gonna throw out a little bit

appalled that I would do that. Her expectations are, she's

gonna make everything. Everything's gonna be made from

scratch. And it's all her. I think that if the main things

are covered, it doesn't matter who does it, who does what. It's

all about being together. So whose expectations are they? At

work, there are expectations that so many things are done if

you're in a non-entrepreneurial job.

There are things that have to be done, and it's like, but am I

the one that has to do it? I had a boss one time, and we had a

pretty lengthy conversation one day about, but who's responsible

for doing it? It has to get done. But does it have to be me?

Does it have to be me? When you're an entrepreneur, does it

have to be you doing the thing? Can you hire a VA? Is it going

to be exactly what you wanted, maybe not, but guess what? It

might be better. It might, you know, done and finished is

better than not. So get the idea out of your head. Do the thing.

What are your expectations? Sometimes our expectations are

so high that we don't do the thing, we don't do the thing. I

just taught a class. I'm getting ready to do another one. You

might look to see if you can find the waitlist link. I did a

class on writing your authority book, a short book. Some people

would call it a micro or a mini book, whatever, a shorter book,

but to demonstrate your authority in your field, and we

used AI to help put the thoughts together, so that it was faster

and more efficient, and I even created a custom GPT so they

could like you put all your information in, and it would

help sort it into the chapters. And one of the participants

messaged me one night. She goes, "Hey, I feel like somehow this

is cheating by using AI to help with my book, and I said, "Well,

do you want to go back to a an electric typewriter instead of

word processing built into your computer, or do you want to go

from a manual typewriter to an electric, or do you want to go

all the way back to a big chief tablet and a number two pencil?

Things are evolving. Things are changing. AI is here, and I

believe it is here to stay. I was just at a ladies' luncheon,

a business luncheon, and she said one of the greatest things

for her to come out of AI is that people want in-person

events now more than ever because I can see you, I can

trust you, like we can have a conversation. Who would have

thought? Who would have thought that one of the benefits of AI

is more in-person events? Amazing! I had written most of

my book, some of it with AI, some of it just me, and I I had

some stories I wanted to intertwine and weave into a

couple of the chapters. So I sat down and I just spoke the story.

What happened? A little bit like a podcast for me. I just spoke

what had happened, and then I took that recording or

transcript. I don't remember which. And no, it was in AI. So

I just talked it in there, and I said, "Please condense this into

a story that makes Sense and tell me where you would place it

in chapter one. And if you haven't heard my sound for AI

is, and so and I just made my dog jump when I did that. So it

went, and it it took my story, which I obviously tell lots of

stories. It took my long story. It condensed it 100% My words. I

spoke those words, and it condensed it, and then inserted

it into the chapter, and it flowed beautifully. Could I have

typed out that entire story? Actually, I could have written

out the whole story, then typed it into my computer because I no

longer have a typewriter, typed it into the computer, and then

spent hours editing it. Shrinking it and making it clear

and concise. I could have done that, but did I? No, I let AI do

it. So you're going to hear people out there with

expectations that if you didn't write 100% of the book all by

yourself and pay two to $500 for a graphic artist to create your

cover, although AI can do it, that's their expectation and

their belief. We don't even know how many people have written

biographies and or autobiographies and have them

out there. And they had a ghost writer. They got interviewed for

one hour, and the ghostwriter wrote the whole book, and

slapped Jane Doe's name on it. These things are coming.

What are your expectations? Do your expectations need to shift

with changing times? Give yourself permission to redefine

what success looks like for you, and how much of you needs to go

into it for being success. There's an idea that success is

a mini mansion or a McMansion, and so many cars and boats and

this and that. And is that what you want? If that's what you

want, I say go for it. Go for it. I know people who purses are

their things, and they will spend an extraordinary amount of

money on purses, and I'm saying more money than probably every

piece of clothing in my house put together. But that's what

success feels like, looks like, and what they enjoy from their

success. Is that mine? Nope. Is it yours? Maybe. Maybe not. But

I don't have to hold a measuring stick of what I consider success

to someone else. I had a conversation with somebody the

other day, and I said, "We know people. The person I was talking

to and I. We know people who will do nothing unless there's a

tangible monetary ROI. ROI is return on investment, FYI, for

your information. And so, if she is going to do a training, there

has to be an offer, and the offer has to be a paid thing. So

you always go from free to paid. Now, do I need to learn that

lesson a little better? Maybe I don't know, possibly. But

sometimes I just do because I like it. Every other Friday in

within the Growth Day app, I for personal development is a great

app. I host a meetup meeting group where we clear trapped

emotions that are trapped on your heart wall, and they're

keeping you from having deeper connections with other people,

both in a familial setting, a romantic setting, and also in

the workplace, whatever your workplace looks like. And I do

that for free. I can't give out my name. I mean, I can't give

out my email. I can't make an offer. I can't give links. It is

strictly a give back, and it's created so much success for me

because I'm getting better and better at sharing the story. I

have people who are coming every single week because of the

progress they're making in their lives, and that feels really,

really good to me. So part of my success is being able to help

other people and share my gifts and talents with them. So as

we're moving towards reaching our goals and doing the things

and re-establishing what our expectations are, I really

encourage you to set aside 12 minutes because you know I'm the

12-minute success coach. Spend 12 minutes on one action that

would help move you towards the life you really want. What is

one thing you can do if you're an entrepreneur and it's a

social media post and you've been driving yourself nuts

trying to decide what to say? Set a timer for 12 minutes and

write the post. Just do the thing. When that timer goes up

and your 12 minutes are up, if you still have you know more

things to do, set it for another 12 minutes. Stay dived in and

tuned in to to what it is you want to do. So who expects you

to do the thing? Is it something you want to do? Is it something

you're called to do? I spent a lot of time and energy and money

creating a webinar years ago because my coach told me to, and

I wanted to live up to that and be successful, and none of it

worked out, ladies and gentlemen. None of it worked out

because I was creating what she thought I should create, not

what I wanted to create what was the message of my soul, and what

I wanted to put out in there. So last week, Shy Rose talked about

turning pressure into power, and now I'm just wondering, what if

some of the pressure we're carrying isn't ours in the first

place. What if you don't have to cook the whole meal? What if you

can use tools like AI tools to help you get the next thing

done? Is your expectation to get the thing done, or is your

expectation to sit on your high horse and never get it done? I'm

Jennifer Takagi with Destined for Success.

If you haven't taken the Purpose Quiz yet, I encourage you to do

so. Mypurposequiz.com. Take it. Find out what your archetype is,

how you operate in the world, and I'm going to be doing an

upcoming workshop tied to your purpose and your purpose

accelerator. So take the quiz. Keep your eye out for the

upcoming workshop. It's going to be interactive, interactive,

interactive. It's not going to be just me talking. It's going

to be interactive. I'm Jennifer Takagi, and I look forward to

connecting with you soon.