Why You set Boundaries
In this episode we engaged in” Why you set boundaries for
yourself?”
Boundaries are just limits.
It’s a line you draw that you feel protects you: emotionally,
physically, socially, and or spatially. All through life we are faced with boundaries.
From the time we were children, when our parents said, “No hitting your
siblings,” to adults now having social distancing boundaries enforced.
How often do you think about boundaries in your
relationships?
If you want a healthy relationship, you must be able to set
and keep boundaries. Without them, you’re likely to have unnecessary conflict.
You can set boundaries while you are dating or once you’ve actually made a
commitment to a long-term relationship.
Conflict can arise even with boundaries, but more conflict
will come without them. For example, during the dating stage, men and women may
not talk a great deal about each other having friends of the opposite sex (Or
same sex, depending on where your preferences lay.).
When
committed to a long-term relationship and one or both of partners may want to
hang out with someone who could seem competitive to them, it could cause an
issue.
Some
males don't like their partner to hang out with other guys - even if they say
they are just friends. Some women are the same way. If their partner wants to
go have dinner with a female friend, it is often times difficult for their
partner to feel good about it. The same is true with same sex relations or any
relationship.
Granted,
some couples are completely fine with such arrangements, but the important key
to note is to have a discussion about it. State what you are comfortable with
and set boundaries if necessary.
Double
standards are a no-no as well. If your partner tells you they are allowed to
hang out with someone, but you are not allowed in the same way, that's a double
standard. There have been incidents where one partner may restrict their
partner of going out seeing their family or friends. This an abusive
relationship of power and is not healthy for the one who is powerless. They
need to get out of the situation immediately as there may be no room for their
need for boundaries.
For
optimal growth in a relationship, healthy boundaries ought to be discussed and
agreed upon. Each person needs to take responsibility for their role in the
relationship and draw lines when it comes to what is acceptable and what is
not.
It’s
alright for you to say no to things that you are uncomfortable with in a
relationship. If he / she is flirting with the waitress bothers you, tell them.
If she’s texting her ex and it bothers you, let her know.
Your
expression may or may not result in your partner changing their behavior, but
at least you can discuss how it makes you feel and not end up with resentments
down the road. You’ll also find out, if this is the type of relationship you
want long-term.
Within
our body energy system, the belief and values we grow up will may need to
change as they are not health. Often change in our boundaries will not be
except by others as the are use to the old system. In my own family there was
no clear boundaries in thinking differently, in behaviour, and rescuing system
to keep you in the same system as before.
An
example of this could be in a cult, where having no boundaries around sexual
intimacy, only one way of thinking, not being allow to explore knowledge in
throughout the universe. You are told the world is flat than you have to
believe it is flat. Religious organizations can have a set of beliefs and
values that can separate you from the rest of society.
In
addition to boundaries that have already been mentioned, here are some other boundaries
that are common in relationships:
1.
Intimacy
Have
an honest discussion around sexual intimacy.
Both
you and your partner should be able to express your:
• thoughts
• beliefs
• and boundaries regarding sexual expression in
the relationship.
It
might feel awkward, but press through. Understanding each other’s preferences,
beliefs, and expectations can help your relationship thrive and leave less room
for resentment, confusion, or other negative emotions.
2.
Finances
Discussions
about finances are important in a relationship. Those that ignore this topic
tend to run into problems down the road.
Discuss
your thoughts, expectations, and boundaries around money. If you don’t see eye
to eye, work at a compromise that suits both of you.
3.
Past relationships
If
anyone is badgering the other with questions of past relationships, that’s overstepping
a boundary.
You
have every right to let your past stay in the past and so does your partner. Course,
you’re free to share what you want, but when you feel assaulted with questions,
it’s time to draw your line in the sand and say, “That’s not something I’m
comfortable sharing with you.”
4.
Loved ones
It
helps to set some boundaries around those outsides of your relationship, such as
friends and family.
Have
a discussion about what you both want in terms of visiting hours, family
interaction time, and how friendships come into play. Outside influences, such
as in-laws or adult children can be a blessing or a curse depending on various
factors. Determine what you’ll allow in your relationship in a way where you
and your partner are respected.
5.
Social media & technology
If
you’re the kind of person that doesn’t care if your partner gets on your social
media, that’s great.
But
if you like your privacy, you have every right to say, “hands off”. Talk about what
you desire and see what your partner desires when it comes to social media and technology.
If
you want your mobile phone, iPad, computer off limits to your partner, it’s alright
for you to say so. This doesn’t mean you are hiding something. It means you
enjoy your freedom when it comes to your things. And, vice versa if your partner
tells you this.
6.
Respect –
The
6 Most Common Boundaries You Should Know & Set in Your Relationships...
Every
relationship ought to draw the boundary line of respect. This means not
allowing name calling or any type of abuse. You deserve respect and so does
your partner. If you’re not getting it, shore up your boundary line with a
serious conversation.
The
5 Love Languages & How They Can Help You Have a Healthier Relationship
Boundaries
Enhance Relationships
They
take shady areas out of the grey into clear and transparency. If boundaries are
lacking, there may be confusion, anger, jealousy, or a host of other negative emotions.
So, think more about what boundaries you
have in your relationship, and ones you’d like to set. Then, have a warm
discussion around them with your partner. Your relationship will be better for
it.
Boundaries
and Energy
When
we have no boundaries or they are weak, it is very easy for us to become
entangled in other peoples’ issues. We find ourselves emotionally, mentally,
and physically drained. We may feel we are in a brain fog, tired, not sleeping
very well at night, playing scenarios over and over in our brain, we could even
become more frustrated with the situation and wondering why the person will not
change. The solution(s) is right in front of them.
A
couple of years ago my sister wanted to go to an Alon meeting and asked me if I
would go with her. I said, “I would be there to support her.” Unfortunately,
she was not ready to recognize she had issues with her husband’s drinking. For
a couple years she would phone me and talk about her husband’s drinking.
Sometimes she would come over for the weekend with her three daughters. My own
boundaries were weak at the time, and I got caught up in her issues. I would
give her solutions to solve her issues. It became emotionally and mentally
draining on my energy.
I
realized the only problems that I could solve were my own. As for my sister and
her husband, I realized they were the only ones that could solve their
problems. This is not a happy ever after ending for them or me.
Through
understanding energy medicine, I always make sure I have an energy bubble
around me.
What
is an energy bubble? An energy bubble helps to shield your energy from people
in your life who may be draining your energy or sending negative vibrations
your way, consciously or subconsciously.
I
have an energy bubble around me everyday as you never know when you are around
come across people energy who try to take your energy.
Try
this visualization:
First,
Call the Universe light send healing energy and protection. Allow this white light
surround you. Visualize that the
bubble’s boundary only allows love, positivity, and healing energy to enter.
Visualize any negative and unwanted energy bouncing off of the bubble.
Next, Call the Universe light to enfold you with
unconditional love.
Finally, call the Universe Light to infuse you with
strength, understanding, forgiveness, and trust.\
Boundaries
keep us safe and healthy. It assists us to become our authentic self.
Listen On
