How to Win the Ultimate Approval! - Laura DiBenedetto

Welcome back to Your Brain On Positive. All the love and support you need is residing inside of you. And we're going to make it easier to turn it on.

I knew I met my match when I met Laura. And not just because she's got a really cool cat. I knew I met my match when I met Laura because she was unapologetically herself. And I believe that when you're unapologetically yourself, when you have that level of self acceptance, your life is just better. And all of your decisions are easier to make. We're going to find out what's the truth behind that, and whether that's just my imagination. Thank you for being here. And, Laura, thank you for being here.

It's my pleasure. I can't wait to talk with you.

We're gonna have a lot of fun with this. I have a feeling when we met. I knew you from a business group. But then all of a sudden, people started talking about bullets, you know? So you've got more than one personality I fit in, I think, but I could be wrong, more than one thing going on? In your? Yes. So cool. So tell us how all of these things play together? What are they?

Sure, so I've got three companies. I've got a marketing company, I have an education company and I have an ammunition company. The the common thread between all three is the concept of sovereignty. Sovereignty is probably my single most passionate driver. People are imprisoned by a lot of different things. And they want to be more free. And my objective is to help people to be more free, however, they're defining it. So in my marketing company, I help people to be more free by helping them to have more money, to help their company be successful, to reclaim their time and teach them how to scale their business, and help them to get their life back because life is for living. And I want them to do that. So I want to help. Through my education company. I teach people about personal development, how people can be spiritually and emotionally free. So you're not held back by generational trauma, you're not held back by societal expectations, fear of rejection or things like that. And with my third company, we make ammunition and we help people with their constitutional sovereignty. The United States was built by a band of rebels who were tired of the King trampling on their sovereignty and taxing them to death. So they enshrine the Second Amendment into the Constitution to prevent the rise of a tyrannical government again, and there's a lot of people who are completely against people having guns, and that's fine. That means you don't need to have one. But I'm of the mind that sovereignty means people get to do things that we don't like. So if other people wish to do things, that's their right to do it. My role is not to be their nanny or their mom and tell them how to live their lives. I wish to set people truly free so free in fact, that they have no desire to control other people anymore, because they finally realized that they never needed to,

you know, it's an interesting concept and you have an each one of those businesses is a lifetime endeavor for most people each and on their own. Yeah, they really are. You got these these three horses you're riding, and you do it really gracefully. I'm so envious. I get wonky it too.

Thank you. Well, it's hard to do one thing well, all at the same time, my marketing company I started 23 years ago, by accident from day to day, life from that when I retired in 2018, which freed me up to start the education company, which is a part time endeavor. And my ammo company is pun intended, it is exploding. So I'm, I'm riding that wave and having a wonderful time, and I'm working with the most kind hearted, good, good souls and it's really light me up inside.

Oh, I can tell. You said something about sovereignty. And the best definition I've ever heard of sovereignty is that my right to swing my arm is where your nose begins.

It's funny you say that because someone was just trying to come at me in the comments on LinkedIn about a post that I made. I'm like, Okay, well tread carefully. Because I'm not going to be a troll. But I will probably give you a perspective that you weren't expecting and I'm going to kill you with kindness, which you aren't expecting. So if you're looking for a fight, you've come to the wrong place. Intelligent dialogue. Yes. And the thing that I said is, you know, my, you know, your what they say is that your your freedom ends where mine begins. That's it like you don't get to Tell me how to live my life. And I've been very vocally opposed to certain government overreaches where they're trying to tell me what I can and cannot do with my own body. What I need to be giving up of my own livelihood and certain tracking measures that are going to be voted on real soon about things that are eroding our freedoms on a regular basis. So, but the only way that you're going to be able to stand up to that is if you can stand up to yourself.

Bingo. Alright, so now we are on my favorite turf. My favorite turf is that piece of real estate that the this and everyone owns this real estate, they just don't know it. It's what exists behind your eyes and between your ears. Your sovereignty seems to start there with the idea that people need to own their own thoughts, and not give control of their thinking and emotions to other people. What would be a fast path? If someone is like, Hmm, maybe I could do it a little better there? Yeah, because they've been flooded with all of the messages and every message we're getting as a marketing message. And most of them have embedded Neuro Linguistic Programming, they're NLP based. These people are mastered Persuaders who are putting messages out there. And it's, you know, it's not just the government, and it includes the government. So my big message to the world a long time ago was that a great public service announcement is just to remember that everyone wants to convince you that their opinion is right. And that's what their messages are all about. How do you stand in your own integrity against that kind of onslaught?

It's a great question. I believe that there's a multitude of ways that we can do that. One, we need to be okay with displeasing others, we get to do that. I get to displease you, I have the privilege of making you angry, I have the privilege of making you not like me, I get to do that. And a lot of people forget that. That sovereign right all by itself, we think we've been led to believe through societal conditioning that we need to be approved of by everybody. It is remarkably liberating. When you realize actually, no, I don't need anybody's approval. And it's okay. If Jackie doesn't like me, it's okay, if Jackie doesn't approve of the way that I speak, or the fact that my favorite words tend to be a bit more salty. Like, it's okay. Right. And it's like when we free ourselves from this entrapment of approval? Well, we're freeing ourselves all over the place, because it means well, I don't need to please Big Brother, I don't need to do what CNN tells me to do. I don't need to be a minion for their agenda, and get to be free on my own. And the way to do that is to a, do what I said and be okay with your right to displease people. But be actually use it as bit more than that it's not so much a right of all I get to, it's more like you almost have an imperative to as your own sovereign being, you have to have the responsibility to come with your own opinions, because this is how the world changes.

And people don't have to choose to be offended. People could actually choose to listen without reaction, or not. So it's not that you have control over their emotions, like you cannot make me angry. Sorry, I don't give that kind of power away anymore. though. I used to. I used to believe other people made me feel certain ways. And certainly country music endorses that, and it's not true.

You know, your dog and your dryer and your ex wife and stuff like that. Oh, no,

no, the big offender. You ready? You make me feel like a natural woman? Oh, no, he didn't. You were feeling like a little something. And you gave him credit. So you could have what you want it? Yeah. I mean, the flung grabs we crazy. It gives responsibility of our emotions to somebody else, and it's just not true.

That's an interesting point you raise. I've actually had multiple arguments with people that like you're making me angry. No, you're making you angry? Well, you're making me yell. I am not doing anything you are choosing to yell. And we're in reaction to the words that I've said. You do not need to conduct yourself that way.

Well, apparently, yeah. Yeah, they don't get it. They don't get that they have choice. And this power. Well, repetition

can be really useful, because you can say that enough, and sometimes someone will hear you It depends. I mean, you know, sometimes we're in relationships with people who are like, Oh, you make me do this and you make me crazy and you make me yell. Do I? Do I maybe don't have good self control?

I have an answer that I use now. And actually it says, I'm a little bit I agree with Wayne Dyer. He said one day, he would be too evolved to say things along similar lines to this, or to not tell off color jokes. And he I don't think he ever quite got there. I haven't either. When somebody tells me that I'm make them angry. Now I respond with, do you really want to give me that much control over your emotions? Because I will have fun with you. It's just fun. So how did you end up with the shift from marketing and advertising into an education company on personal development, helping people reclaim their sovereignty?

Well, I realized that in order to build the first company, I gave away my sovereignty, I did the hustle and grind that seems to be encouraged in our culture, I think it's bad. I think there's a way to be remarkably successful without burning yourself out. I had, I had, I had achieved a lot I retired, young, very accomplished, I'd won countless awards, and had been on Fox News and many other, you know, large media outlets many times. But at the end of it, when I retired, there I am sitting with my money and my accomplishments and my awards. And I'm like, cool, don't feel any better. And I was bleeding internally, my marriage was new and already struggling. And a lot of it is things that I could have been tempted to blame other people for, oh, I didn't buy enough stuff. You know, the stuff that I bought, didn't deliver my ex husband is to blame. No, it was all me. So I accepted responsibility for where I was. And I wanted to know, well, what is happiness? And what are the happiest people have in common, because whatever that is, I gotta get me some of that. And I don't have it. So I started being an entrepreneur and a science nerd, and a social science scientists. And I started studying human behavior, studying a lot of the texts that are out there now, and studying a lot of scientific papers to find the clues, and I put it all together. And I was doing it in a desperate plea to change my own life, because I was so remarkably unhappy. And what I found my I was really close, that's probably like, 95% on. So as I began testing my theories on myself to see, you know, well, this changed my life, I found the holes, and I, you know, made the tweaks, bam, I got where I wanted to be, I became nice, I became soft, I became kind, I became more confident, I'm, I became okay, with people not liking me, in fact, so much so that I use my personality as almost a sorting tool, you're safe, you're not safe, you're cool, you're not cool. If I need to censor or diminish my shine in any way, in order to earn your approval, you're not my people goodbye. And I became a better leader, I became more innovative, I moved to a tropical island just because I wanted to, like I started to live out loud, and live with incredible joy. And I wanted to share this with other people. And it's like, I also discovered that retirement doesn't really look good on me. So I need to continually be moving. So in service to others, I wanted to write the book, put it in more people's hands so they could change their own lives. I mean, one of my readers wrote in that he is no longer suicidal, because of my book and the work that I suggested in the book that he do, he did the work. And now he's happy. Like he went from suicidal to actually having a wellspring of unlimited joy when sight of him, which is what we all have the potential to have. So I find that deeply inspirational. And, you know, I believe me, I'm not making a lot of money on books. I mean, I get like, maybe $4, which I appreciate. But like, it's not the point. The point for me is I see people all around me in tremendous pain all the time. And, I mean, read the comments section, anytime on any social media, and you see people getting in flame wars with each other and they want to fight. I don't want to fight. I want to talk I want to engage, I want to lead with lovely kindness, right? And other people are so angry that they want to take it out on everybody else around them.

distraction from their pain. You said it really well. They are in so much pain. And while they said

I think it was Gandhi Be the change you wish to see in the world. This is me being the change I wish to see in the world. We're not nice enough. We're not confident enough. I'm hearing change in that.

Cool. I love that. Let's just improve the confidence which would it by debt, by nature, improve the niceness of the world because it is easy to be kind when you're confident about what's going on. And not always easy to be kind when you're not. So I love the focus. What's the name of your book because we haven't mentioned it They did talk about

my book is called the six habits. Cool.

Is there a subtitle or just the six habits practical tools for bringing your dreams to life. Ah, there we go. Okay, so So whatever your dreams

are, it could be you want to lose weight could be want to finally get a divorce could be that you want to be more powerful and more confident could be you want to start a company, maybe you want a yacht of your very own. We all dream of different things. And I think that a lot of our dreams are typically a lot more humble than we give ourselves permission, we've been sold this bill of goods that we need to all be millionaires in order to be happy, instead of actually realizing that a happiness is here. Here right now you can have it and first. Yeah, and the other part of that is, you know, don't put so much stake and hope on having a million dollars because, you know, speaking is a person who has made obscene amounts of money. It doesn't make you any happier. Because when you get there and it's nobody ever believes me until they actually get there. No, that wasn't it told you, like work on you. That's free.

Money is a magnifier, if you are unhappy. Now if you are dealing with anxiety, now you're anxious and worried, more money is going to make you more unhappy, more anxious, more worried, because it just magnifies your emotions, everything that amplifies

also who you are. So I have said famously over the last probably two years that the thing that money and pandemics have in common is they reveal who you are, and make you more of it. So talk about it. If you're a nice person already, you're probably going to be more of one in the middle of these circumstances. If you're big bastard, you're probably going to become more of one because, you know, being in a stressful situation, or being given a lot of abundance simply gives you more tools to amplify yourself. There we go

become something worth amplifying. Yeah, what we want for everyone. It's why I started the podcast and why I love interviewing people like you. Because what we want is for people to become someone they want to amplify that they become someone they want to be more of that well. Yeah.

And that was the journey for me, I was always the person who I've always had a big personality. But I've always tried to be somewhat conforming and try to behave and try to be what other people want me to be. I think you've already figured it out. I don't care anymore. Because I have one the ultimate approval. My own. I like me. And I know I'm a good person. If other people don't like me, it really sucks for them. And it just means they have poor taste in humans. And that's a shame.

They just have poor taste in humans. What can we say? That pretty much says at all, for somebody who wants to build this muscle who wants to develop their sovereignty? Who wants to be more confident, more kind? Be worth amplifying? Where would you recommend they start, I mean, granted, getting your book is a great place. But beyond that,

well, there's a journey that people need to be on, to get to who they want to be from where they are today and who they are today. But you need to do a few things. It's either my book or somebody else's book or whatever. But you need to understand what their looks like. You need to figure out where you're going. And then by contrast, you need to figure out where you're starting from. So you always have to put coordinates into your GPS in your phone, you have to know your end destination, what that looks like. And you need to understand where you are starting from when you know these two things, only then can you effectively begin on the journey. So yes, I do recommend people read my book. It's very, very life changing, I change my own life, and it changes my readers lives. And the thing about this level of truth is the book itself provides you with the journey map. And it provides you with what the destination could potentially look like and invites you to dream up the rest. What it doesn't do is tell you who you are, because I don't know that. But inside the book, there's so many tools. So you have to go to this special website that comes free with the book, there's no cash, you just go and get the download stuff. There's hundreds of dollars worth of coaching materials in there completely free, that help you to meet yourself. So you can figure out your point of origin. Because if I'm telling you through the book, like wow, you could be this you could have that. Wow. I would like for you to help yourself. Put the first point of origin into your GPS, figure that out. So do the work. It comes free. Honestly, anyone listening to this, they should grab it. Because I realize I made a huge mistake and I gave away too much. Way, way, way too much. So I'm going to be scaling back on Got really soon. So if you want to, if you like the two muchness, then go grab it. It's it's in there. But point of origin is what you have to do to find out who you are today, the book or anybody else's book gives you an idea of what you can have, by contrast, and then the third part is do the damn work.

So I glad you finish your thought, because when you said you gave away too much I didn't catch right away that what you mean is the bonuses in the book that are available today are not going to stay available at the same kind of free bonuses.

No, because I got way too much in there. Like, I need to make it simpler for

you. I was gonna say, what's the problem with too much. I mean, we live in the world don't get overwhelmed to Versailles that,

well, people get overwhelmed with the too much newness and sometimes they don't know where to start. So I'm a person, I want the comprehensive information right out of the gate, because I like to see the entire, I mean, I'm also like a, like an amateur chef, I read the ingredients, I read the instructions, I set up my resume plus, then I begin. That's how I did this. And that's what I prepared for other people, except most people don't operate like me. So if you enjoy the too much this app now while supplies last is all I'm going to tell you.

I have to ask, When did you get a clue that most people don't operate like beauty?

I continually get reminders, fairly daily basis. I mean, people come into my home, they're like, Wait, how are you good at this also? I don't know, I just am just getting by.

There's a clarity and a systematization. I think that you bring to everything that you do that most especially entrepreneurs when it comes to marketing, black. And so I'm not a bit surprised that you've covered that really well when that was your primary thing. And then when you retired, you turned it into why am I not happier. And I don't know

how to not turn things into businesses, I'm going to have to figure that at some point, because I can't work my whole life. But I really, I just everything to me is figure out double, I've never met a challenge I couldn't crush might take me more time. But I mean, at the end of the day, you just if you're tenacious enough, you can overcome just about every single obstacle you can possibly imagine. And, you know, I just, I don't know, I'm just that person.

Well, you highlighted something about the awareness of unhappiness coming after you stopped being a busy entrepreneur. Yeah, that when there was a pause, you were able to figure out that you didn't have everything that you want. And what was missing was intangible.

Absolutely. And I think for a lot of us, the intangible is what's missing. Because, you know, we do live in a culture and this weird epoch of time where we've been sold this bill of goods that the next product you purchase will be the one that makes you happy by this goo by this machine by this doodad, it does not deliver

these it is getting the next promotion or the corner office, none of the things outside of us build our happiness, it's an inside

job. Well, if you can't be happy in a box, you can't be happy anywhere.

I'm sorry, if you can't be happy in a box.

Yeah, if you can't be happy sitting in a cardboard box and having nothing, you can't be happy anywhere. It is it is just proof that you can't,

well, I won't give up everything to sit in a cardboard box and see if I can test your theory. Because the reality is that this was a similar journey to mine, which is why this whole series exists. I'm always looking for great tools to help people keep their brain on positive. So we'll have the link for your book. It'll be in the show notes. It'll be on the chat for whoever one is watching the power, Laura, of your clarity. I'm going to just invite everybody to do the free thing. And the free thing is take a deep breath and pause and just do a gut check. Give yourself is really subjective scale on a scale of one to 10 where 10 is I'm absolutely happy. Nothing needs to change for me to be happy. Put yourself on that scale. And you know decide if I'm below a six I'm going to take action if I'm below a seven I'm going to take action if I'm at 10 I might take action so I stay at 10 Whatever it is just know nothing changes until you change something by taking an action whatever that is. So I love the fact that you distilled it down into six habits. What are the habits? Can you have a one sentence description that you can give?

The habits are not as succinct as you probably want. And I'll tell you what they are. It's how we treat ourselves, which is kindness, how we feel about ourselves, which is acceptance, how we regard life, which is gratitude how we show up in it, which is presents, how we accept and receive energy, which is goodness, and how we give energy, which is intention. And most of us live in the dark side of all of these habits, and we've got the bad the bad stuff going on, we treat ourselves poorly, we view ourselves poorly, we're not grateful, we're not present. We're letting whatever energy in and we're not putting much good out. So the habits themselves, they build upon each other. So when you get good at one, it helps you to be better at the others, you can literally start with any single one, I did this cool thing where I built an assessment tool. So if you read the book, love it, and you're like, Wow, this is awesome. You can get the assessment to help you figure out your unique starting point. Because if you're not me, and you don't want to do a 90 day habit Mastery program, which I also built. If you just want to start with one, then the assessment tool can help you figure out which one to start with, because it's going to be the one that will provide you with the most life altering value right away. So you go through you answer the questions, and then it gives you my advice to help you start powerfully.

I am absolutely just delighted that your idea of these are not succinct, is my idea of absolute efficiency with words. Yeah, there was clear, concise and totally compelling. So convey all of the dots. Laura, that was lovely. Thank you very much. I love the idea that working on one improves all it takes a lot of pressure off.

And it does. And you know, I was having a conversation with someone earlier today. about should we do all of it? Well, yeah. But we're already we're already living in the shadow of so much should we're shooting all over ourselves. You've heard that before. It's not even fun anymore. But like we're constantly living in a state of feeling like we're just not toeing the line. Why don't we just as a crazy experiment, just understand that we need to meet ourselves where we are, live in the future for just a moment and be that person who is self compassionate. Just be that person just for a few minutes and say, You know what, I don't have a lot of time. I don't have this. I don't have that. But Allah. But I do love myself enough. I'm angry enough about the way things are that I'm finally willing to change because the pain of staying put outweighs the pain of action. And I don't need to make so much action that it's onerous and awful. I will give myself the grace to take a small step, knowing that it's not the whole journey. But I'm moving. rolling stone gathers no moss, get moving. Even if you're poking along. You're meandering, you can mosey you can amble even you can do whatever you want. Just move.

If your life is not perfect, take one step that will take you in the direction you want to go. With happiness. Little optimism will go a really long way here. And I you know, my favorite piece of content that I ever develop is called leaving should Ville. So yeah, okay, I

support that. Yeah,