Ep.6-From Depression to Divine: A Story Behind One Powerful Woman with Janine Bolon

I know you, you're afraid to speak up. You're scared of what other people think of you. And you blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels. Because I've been there. If you found me, I'm so grateful you're here. This podcast will give you hope. And I'm your host in America Nova. And I'm going to hold your hand and provide the guidance. It's time for you to find your why. And turn your experience into your biggest power. This is your time now. So lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy.

Janine Bolon, Welcome to the show. Welcome to the world's best Trauma Recovery podcast.

Thank you so much for having me. It's always such a treat to be able to be with women and men who've been through a lot. And we don't look like what we've been through, do we?

Not? Absolutely. You are so right. And looking at your beautiful smile, and it's your beautiful blue eyes. I can see a wonderful and gorgeous woman. And my first question for you Janine, how do you best deal with trauma.

Usually, there is a shock that I have to get through. When every a trauma occurs, or I'm triggered, and I'm taken to a dark place. From my, my previous life experience. I always say, Okay, this is a life situation. i That's the words I use, it's just a life situation, I don't identify it with my life. Some people will call that dissociative, but it's how I walked through that those times or that moment. And it allows me to not fall into depression because I have had bouts of depression. And I know that I would rather stay angry than be depressed. So I don't, I used to really bust on myself when I would get angry. Now I know what it's doing. Anger is trying to keep me from moving into a powerless feeling, or a powerless state, which is where I was for too long in my life. And so when I have a trauma that hits, there's usually a shock, I freeze. You know, most people talk about that where we freeze, we we feel like if we just don't react, then it won't get any worse. So we just stop reacting all together. And then after we unfreeze, and everybody has a different timeline for that. But when I unfreeze, then I allow myself to get angry. And I allow myself to stay in anger for as long as I need to stay in anger. And then when it's time to not be in anger, and usually, you know, this used to take me several days when I was younger. But I'm now in my 58 now, and so it's usually just a matter of 10 or 15 minutes, I've gotten much faster. I've mastered the skills, yes. And so now it's just a matter of minutes. But I make sure that I removed myself from people and I if I have a business meeting, I'll cancel it. You know, I have systems in place now for dealing with these these moments. And they are few and far between. But this is life. And we will have we will continue to have life situations that will challenge us. And what it's doing is just showing us just how far we've come. I look at what has happened to me in the last two years, and how it would have totally shut me down in my 20s. And now I'm not shut down if anything. I'm more energetic and more focused than I've ever been at any time in my life because of the training that I gave myself through my self development of moving through trauma.

Well, thank you so much for sharing, and I can resonate with your in some capacity. Because my first i childhood sexual abuse. When it happened, I got frozen. And I was literally I beating myself for what I've done. But then I realized it's a survival mechanism. It's a protection mechanism. So it's and yeah, understanding understanding that it's just a life situation in and how to deal with that. It's it's very important. Jeanine, you mentioned that you were suffering from depression in your 20th. Well, what were the reasons

for why I had to watch my mother slowly die in front of me. I had a terminally ill mother. And because it took her many years to pass, I basically was the woman of the house. So when I was seven years old, my mother was diagnosed with a really bad condition. And my father, who was a military man, and he really didn't know how to deal with emotions, and he didn't know how to deal with the fact that his wife may end up dying. And then he would have these two little girls to take care of, and that I think terrified him more than anything. So I don't blame my dad. Now, I did have a lot of anger toward my father. But he took me into the bedroom. And he said to me at age seven, your mom's going away? No, you can't see her. They were shipping her stateside, we were in a foreign country, we were not in the United States. And so they were shipping her stateside to get taken care of because the doctors in the Japanese hospitals had no idea how to take care of what was going on with my mom. And so that he said, basically, you have to be the woman in the house, you can't tell your sister. And you need to step up. So when you come home from school, you need to make dinner, and then you do your homework and blah, blah, blah. And so, it it was one of those things where because I was raised in that military environment, it was like, well, you can complain, but nobody's going to do or say anything. So step up, like put your big, I heard this a lot as my, my father used to say, put on your big girl panties and get on with it. Right. That was how my father dealt with things. So. So that was the first experience. And so my mom ended up dying when I was 18. And so there was quite a long time during that process. And I know that she was hanging in there. For us girls, I know she was trying. And I think we gave her her strength. I watched her battle this condition for years and years and years. So it was one of those things where I was the eldest, it was my job to do these things. And because of all of that happening, when she did pass, I kind of went into a depression because she was also my best friend, I, I had such a beautiful relationship with her. And I know not everybody is lucky that way. Not everybody has parents that they have really good relationships with. But I did not literally know what to do with myself, my best friend had died. I'm 18. My father was going through his own grief processes and was not acting in a way that I could relate to my sister was totally unavailable. Because we didn't have cell phones in that time. And so she was off out in the mountains. And I never, you know, she would call me on payphones. I never knew where she was. And so I felt very much alone. I had just recently gotten married. But the husband I had had the man I had married, he was a workaholic. So I never saw him. So I was alone a lot in a place that we had just moved to. And I had no friends and I had no family. And so I kind of fell into depression. And I what snapped me out of that was when I noticed that I was drinking a bottle of wine a week. And then it became two bottles of wine a week. And then it became three bottles of wine a week. And I remember one time I was putting three bottles of wine into my grocery cart. And I was thinking of reaching for the fourth bottle of wine. And I went, I've got to stop because alcoholism runs in my family. And that was when I I kind of got a wake up call of you need to fix something. I don't know what needs to be fixed, but something needs to change. And that's when I really started working on my self development. So my story isn't tragic. My story isn't compared to other people. It's not as, as they, as they would say on the news radio shows. While it's not sexy enough, you know how they always want something really, really heart wrenching. I see my story as one of millions of people have had similar experiences on planet like this. And it's in the choices that we make determine what kind of life are we going to have and I made the choice that I was not going to become an alcoholic like so many people in my family had. And I made that choice and and I spent everyday working working out of that. Yeah. I mean, thank

you so much for sharing You are an extraordinary woman. Thank you. And what made you to go on a path to be as a shaman?

Ah, I never had a desire. I do not feel like I moved into that path. I feel like I was picked. You know how you have people that say, there, they were called to a work. I felt like I was drugged kicking and screaming into this work. I always remember the Bugs Bunny commercial, or the Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid where, you know, Daffy Duck is holding on to the door jamb and Bugs Bunny is behind them, shoving them, you know, to get them through the door, all these words. That is how I got into this. I feel that the spirits or God or you know, higher self, whatever you want to say, was shoving me through that door and I was hanging on for dear life. I don't want to go. So I can't claim that I had a path and I went into it with total excitement and abandon. No, no, they I had to be forced i i So did not want to be a shaman. That in order for me to move down that path. I had to have a spiritual experience where they kept closing off my airways to a point where I could barely breathe. I was going barely breathe. And, and finally I went, Okay, God, I'll do it. Instantly, I could breathe, everything was fine. So anytime time, I am resisting a path that my higher self says you need to go down this. And if I get stubborn, I start having difficulty breathing. That sounds stubborn I am they have to shift my higher self has to shut down my airway to get me to listen, because I am very tenacious. I'm very stubborn at night, when I make up my mind about something. And so in order to get my attention, they had to put me in a life threatening moment for me to say, Okay, I'll do it. So just wanted to be clear on that one. I did not pick to be your shop.

Well, I'm glad they picked you.

I agree. I agree. Yes. Because

in our conversation we had off the camera. You told me something that really changed the course of my life. And I believe it will be so beneficial for others to hear this. And the question I asked you, Janine, what do you see, when you look at me? What else do I need to work on to improve after my trauma recovery? And what did you tell me?

I'm not that kind of Shaman. Remember, I said that? I'm not that kind of Shaman. If you want me to look at you and see a problem that needs to be fixed. That's not what I see. When I have a soul come to me. And they say, I have a problem. I know deep down they do not. I know deep down that, like I said to you on was you were perfect. You are perfect in this moment. In this moment. The Divine sees you in all of your glory and perfection. Unfortunately, you've been on this planet so long, and you've had so many life experiences and life situations that have given you the fallacy, the incorrect perception of yourself that something is wrong. But you are whole and you are perfect in this moment. Now, you may not feel that and you may not think that but that's not my problem. That is the problem. You don't feel perfect. You don't think you're perfect. That's what we have to work on. But I assure you that when I look at you, you are perfect. Your whole and you are complete.

And I love it. Thank you so much.

Now for your listeners. I do want to share two other thoughts with you and that is the only time that I as your friend or shaman will ever ask you to change and it won't be from me I will never ask you to change. But if you wish to change make sure that that Change is going to make you more or better. And that is for you to define what is more, and what is better. But as your shaman and as your friend, I assure you, I see you as whole, complete and perfect in this moment.

Thank you so much it, it, I felt so light that I took all this pressure out of my shoulders, I was constantly running towards something developing myself, you know, studying and in reading and was asking what else I need to I need to, you know, change what else I need to heal, like what else I need to do to be to finally feel free. And then Janine just changed within seconds. I'm so grateful for you, thank you so much.

But that change would not have happened. If you hadn't done all of the physical work that you needed to do before you came to me. You did all this emotional work, you were doing all of this analyzing of your thought processes. So you had done a lot of the foundational work, you've done 99% of the work that needed to be done. And that's why I know when somebody comes to me and says, Okay, what else do I need to do? I know what type of shaman I am, by the time you come to me, I know you've done everything you need to do now it's time for you to practice being that human being like live life as a being and suck the marrow out of the bones of life and thoroughly enjoy this life and every tantalizing, delicious way you possibly can. Because you're done, you're complete your whole, all you need to do now is get on to the process of living.

That's so amazing. This is that's what many, many people crave for. But they don't don't come to this realization. And you mentioned that they word divine. What does this mean to you?

And word Divine is the best English word I can find to describe it life experience that I had. It was a metaphysical experience, where I was sitting in meditation one day, and I had Christ come to me. And he said that I had achieved enlightenment I had achieved Christ consciousness, as they call it. I had been meditating for 25 years. I mean, I had been on this meditation path for quite some time. And I didn't believe him. So I have you know, I was raised Catholic here, I have the Son of God saying this stuff to me, and I keep looking behind me because I think he's gonna be talking to somebody. Because I know me. I know how imperfect, you know, you're right. Yeah, yes. Precisely. actly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And, and then my Hindu guru, who I was following, came into the meditation as well and said very much the same thing. So I have my guru holding my right hand, I have the Son of God, you know, holding my left. And they're both staring at me with these amazing eyes, you know, I got lost in their eyes, because they're just so amazing. And after that moment, I kind of accepted the fact Well, the two most powerful men I've ever met in my life, for as a shaman, have just told decreed that this is where I am. So I guess I am. And at that moment, I kind of left my body and I don't remember. I don't remember, I didn't leave my body. But it was like I was transformed. I was put into an altered state, I guess the best way to say it. And then I moved to a frequency. In our experience as human beings where I lost the I lost language. Words no longer made sense. Then I moved to a higher frequency and that's where all emotions were stripped off my personality. And the only emotion I had left was just unconditional love. I finally felt it and expressed it the first time in my life that I had memory of, and then I moved up to a higher frequency to where you know, some people talk about telepathy and how fast telepathy was. Well, this was faster than telepathy. It was like how humans speech is to telepathic community. It was that much faster. And then I moved to a frequency that I only can call the whitespace, which I lost all form. I lost all knowledge of time space form all of that gone. And I entered into what I call the divine, because there is no word. Because you're beyond the realm of words, because words are labels, and you cannot label the on label a bowl. Anyway, for the mystics that I talked to, I can always tell the ones that have had that experience because they go, yeah, they know exactly where I was. They know exactly the experience I had. Now, they may have achieved that experience differently. But when you have that experience, we have very inept words to describe that and Joseph Campbell and his books called it follow your bliss. He used the word bliss. I think Esther Hicks says Follow your joy, you know, you'll find bliss, joy, and I chose the word divine because I had always wondered about that some people use the word grace, the grace, you know, so each mystic, each shaman comes up with their own language, their own lingo for it, but that was a long answer to the question about what the divine means to me because I have no other word.

explanations. Yeah. Wow. I had that goosebumps on my body when you were telling this story. It is so deep. It is so Yeah, amazing.

Yeah. So my whole goal was I've always wanted to know who was this god guy. Anyway, I was very sack religious. I was raised Catholic. And I just I was very, very sacred and conscious when I when I was going through the process when I was seeking the divine when I was wanting to become one with the Divine. But once I experienced and expressed the divine, I realized how there was a lot of programming. And there was a lot of information that I was taught by people that was totally inaccurate and inappropriate for me. And so now I have a tendency to be quite sacrilegious. I laugh at death, death, and I dance together all the time. And I don't for people who still are very religious, I will not torment them, because that's where they are. And I was like them for the longest period of time before I woke up. But for me in the path I walk now, you will not see me treating anything as sacred because it's all just a big game and a big joke. Because of the perspective that I have now that I didn't have before 2010.

And how did it change your life?

There's a joke that is used in the in the shamanistic community, Before enlightenment, you chop wood and you carry water. After enlightenment, you chop wood and carry water. So nothing changed. And yet, everything changes. Because your perspective is totally different. You now know that you know that you know who you are. And when people come to you with their expectation, with their control, with their anger with their negativity, you find yourself laughing at them. Not to their face, but you find yourself going This is so not a problem. You know, I used to joke I'm sorry. I've been a Girl Scout leader too many years and a Boy Scout leader for so many years. And it's like, unless somebody is hemorrhaging or can't breathe. It's not an emergency. Everything else is fixable. And somebody is like, Yeah, but his bone is broken. I'm like, I'm coming. And you know, I'm picking up first aid supplies as we go. But I'm like, is he hemorrhaging? No. Okay, there's no artery broken. All right, everything else is fixable. Right? You kind of get into that mindset, because you realize that the seriousness that people will bring to life is actually detracting from the Divinity that's trying to express through us. And so when people talk about their trauma, I always acknowledge it. I'm like, yes, that did happen to you. I believe that happened to you, I believe, believe you in everything that you're sharing with me. So now, let's get that divine light. That is who you really are to express through the body that you have, what kind of healing Do you think you need, so that you can express that unconditional love that you know exists? Otherwise, you still wouldn't be on planet?

Exactly. Janine, I would love to use this opportunity in and ask you for a question. What would be your best advice for someone like me who are in a similar situation and starting their new new Korea, following their passion?

I would highly recommend the first thing is that you meditate every morning, and no more than 15 minutes. But you need to connect with your divinity you need to connect with source and be in harmony with that. Some people talk about living a balanced life, you don't want to live a balanced life. That's that's a Old Age of Pisces thinking you want to be in the Age of Aquarius, which is all about harmony. And so you want to harmonize yourself with your higher self. And so every morning, meditate for at least no more than 15 minutes, just sit down, clear your mind. And sit in that being Yes. And just listen. So people used to ask me what's the difference between prayer and meditation, I said prayer is where you're talking to God. Meditation is when you listen for the answer. And so that that is the best way I know to describe it. And so if you haven't, if you have difficulty with the brain being overactive, because you know, you have a lot of stuff to do that day, and you're trying to make sure you don't forget it. It's like slow all that down. Because when you really listen to your higher self, it will you you will reorder your day, priorities will get shifted, because your Higher Self has the big picture. And it knows that like one morning, I couldn't understand why I was moving much slower than normal. And I had all these things I had to do. And I like to make sure that I know everybody that I'm going to talk to and take some notes on them before I meet with them that kind of thing. Well, my higher self knew just move slow. And I thought okay, well, I'm not gonna be prepared for any of these calls. Of the five people who were supposed to speak on zoom that day, only one showed up, the other four canceled on me or didn't show up at all. So my higher self was trying to get me to slow down. Take a leisurely shower, leisurely breakfast, don't rush, because you don't have as busy a schedule as you think you do, even though your calendars looks full. And so those are some of the things so if you have trouble keeping your thoughts calm, I highly recommend that you get an app on your phone that has like an air conditioner sound, or the sound of rain or something that's very monotonous. Usually, something mechanical, that's monotonous like a fan or something is helpful because it engages your hearing, and allows your brain to calm down because your ego can't sit there and judge the sound like I've heard better, you know, it's not going to say that about the fan, right? And so it keeps it distracted so that you can open up your brain and just relax. Eckhart Tolle, a who wrote the book, The Power of Now and the new earth and several other wonderful books he talks of, he has a brilliant way of how to meditate. And he says, You act like you're the observer, like you're the cat, and you're looking at a wall, and you're waiting for the mouse to come out of the mouse hole of that wall. And that's your thoughts, your thoughts from your higher conscious or subconscious mind. And you sit there as the cat, and you watch and you wait for the next thought. And when the ego has something staring right at it as an observer, it stops thinking, because now it's under the lights, and it wants to hide in the darkness, right. And that's a great metaphor that got several, it got myself and several of my students in very good places so that when you meditate, your brain is very calm, and you have this fan sound going on your app on your phone and you will be able to hold your brain will be able to not think because it's not natural, because we're taught to have 1000s and 1000s of thoughts a day, right? So to sit in a place where you're actually not thinking feels very unnatural at first, but the more you do it, the better you get. And then you start seeing just how delicious your life really is. Because you're moving through it with An awareness that you didn't even know you had.

Wow. And my second tip is to get Jenny's book thriving. solopreneurs

Yeah, yeah, the thriving solopreneur battle that's more practical in the sense of meditation is very practical, but it is a very high frequency. The thriving solopreneur is about how to take four hours a week, and how to build your business. It has very structured tips and all that where you actually I teasingly say to people who's the boss in your business? And of course, it's a trick question. They always raise their hand and go, I'm the boss in my business. I'm like, No, you're not, your calendar is the boss. And you look at your calendar, and you do what's on your calendar every day. That's the boss, right. But in order to live the lifestyle you want, you make sure that you put time blocks in for playing with your kids, you put time blocks in for taking time for your spouse, you put time blocks in for making sure you take the dog for a walk or take care of the cats, you know, everybody has a thing. That is what they love to do. And yes, your business is something you'd love to do. But you have to be more than just your business. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself right out of out of your mind. You're more than your business. So allow yourself to express more than just your business. Yeah, exactly. And,

and that's the purpose of starting your own business, to have time and to have a freedom for all other things that you enjoy in your life. Otherwise, what's the purpose, I know you need to push maybe, at the very beginning, but still, the meditation they exercise the right food will help you. Because what I what I've noticed with myself, I was getting overwhelmed. I need to do this, this and this and this and this. And I was pushing myself through and nothing was working out. And I would spend so much energy and time and emotions, you know, organizing this podcast, but then as soon as I slow down, as soon as I started to breathe, things just worked out themselves. So that's that's a really, really wonderful advice. Thank you so much Janine. Janine, why is it so important to use our gods or universe given gifts?

One of the things that is important to Why have goals or why use your your gifts? Is you something I know about every person that comes to me? Okay, I know three things. I know, number one, they just want to be loved. They just want love. Number two, they just want to be happy. And number three, they want to be acknowledged for who they are. Right? They want to be seen. So I know those three things before they ever open their mouth. That every person on this planet, all 8 billion of us, we all have these three core needs. Okay. And so one of the things that is important is that you came to this planet, to have a good time to have fun with relationships that you have, for however long they last, whether it's 24 hours or a lifetime, you have these relationships. But you also came here to create. And so what kind of life do you want to create. And we have been given a gift that we have the ability to create whatever life we want. And in order to stay on track so that we don't lose sight of our targets is that it's very important that you have a vision board. And then once you have your vision board up, I look at my vision board every morning and I go What three things can I do that will move me closer to three things on my vision board. Sometimes it's just as simple as you know, looking up a reservation for a hotel in a country that I want to go visit because I build out budgets two years before I ever go to that country. I'm building out budgets on how much it's gonna cost me to get there. I'm gonna do but some people are like, oh, I want to be more spontaneous. And I'm like flippin build that into your schedule that you want to be spontaneous sometime in the month of March. You're gonna go to Take off and do something, you know that you can vote. The point is, you need to set targets or goals however you want to call them. I like the term targets, because the word target allows me to not necessarily hit the bull's eye. Like if as long as I hit the target is close, it's good enough. Whereas with goals, you're either in or you're out, it's very binary, it has a tendency to have, you know, to me, it's not as much fun. But shooting for target. Oh, I can hit that target. Now, is it going to be a bullseye? Who knows, I don't know. But at least I'm shooting for it, right. So that's why it's important you came to this planet to create you came to this planet to be more you came to this planet to see what you could do. It's kind of like when you get a brand new bicycle, or a brand new pair of sneakers, when you were a kid, like you got new shoes, you know how you can always run faster in your new shoes, while your feet were bigger. And of course, you were grown. So yeah, of course, you could run faster. But you always say it was the new shoes, it was the shoes that made you be able to run faster. And so that's what is wonderful about you is that ANA is always growing. Ana is always expressing a new thing. Ana is always creating a new thing. And with that creation comes expansion, and a bigger knowing of what you are. And that's what you came to this planet to explore.

And such an amazing feeling.

It is it's really good, you know all about it.

The power of creation in you your soul, right? We we came to this planet, to create, to create a life of that we want to leave. And in terms of to create this life sometimes to create a life that you have never lived before. You need to do the things that you've never done before.

It's true. And it can be a little uncomfortable, but it's no worse than anything else you've already been through. You know, it's not life or death. That's what I'm always saying that it's this is not a life or death experience or this is not a life or death decision. Janine, calm down. Yeah. When I get myself too worked out, oh, you know over a decision that I need to make or what have you. And I would like to address women who feel like they wish to have children and their body is not agreeing with that. I have several clients who have come to me because of them wanting to be pregnant and wanting to create a life literally, they want to be mothers and they are their body is struggling with that. Please find ways of just for your people, especially high trauma people. I always say please calm down and relax and focus on something else. Focus on creating in other ways. Focus on writing a book, focus on building a online program, create something else, this will allow your body to relax, it'll help you feel safe, you will be in a positive experience because you're creating it, you're creating this thing, using this artistry in some other way. And then it's amazing how when you're not focused on creating life, you're focused on creating something else. Life finds a way.

That's a wonderful, wonderful advice. Thank you so much. And you're welcome. Janine, where people can find you.

The easiest way is LinkedIn. They can go to Janine Bolon and I will be there you'll see some of my books and on my banner. I'm known as the financial first responder. what is wonderful about that is if you connect with me and say, I heard you on honors podcast, the world's best life optimism coach. If you if you say that or in the comments or in the note, then my team will make sure that you're putting into tact with me very, very quickly. Within three to four days, they're very quick about making sure you get taken care of so that's the fastest and easiest way to get a hold of me. You're also welcome to visit my website, which is the eight gates.com But LinkedIn is usually the fastest if you're wanting to get to me.

Yeah. Wonderful. Janine, do you have any concluding thoughts?

Yes, this world and this life can become very confusing. At times. You may not know which way to turn. And you may feel very, very confused. I'd like you to when you have those moments of overwhelm or confusion, realize you're trying to make decisions With only your head, and that's why you're confused, or you're overwhelmed. And it's important that you stop, take a breath. You don't have to sit down in meditation, just stop and just take a breath, and put the energy and put your thoughts into your heart. And even if you have to kind of rub your heart area, just rub your chest and say, What would you do in my situation? And talk to your heart? And I know that sounds very weird, but that's what I do. And I'll say, what do you what do you think you should do now? And what's amazing is some of the answers I get back. I'm like, that is just crazy. Like, go make a cup of hot cocoa, and go drink it. I'm like, It's 110 degrees outside. And you want me to drink hot cocoa. So I go, and I'll make my hot cocoa. And then while I'm making my hot cocoa and stirring the milk and the sugar together, the phone will ring and that will be the answer to my question. What was the universe doing? What was my heart doing? My heart was telling me to go take a break, go relax, go calm down. And they were going to bring somebody into my world that will help me with where I was. But I first needed to go relax so that I wouldn't be annoyed by the phone call and let it go to voicemail. I would be relaxed enough that I actually picked the phone up.

And I'm so grateful this world brought you into my life.

I feel the same.

Ladies and gentlemen, Janine Bolon.