EP60: Bringing Out Your Inner Mama Bear - Fighting For Your Child's Mental Health with Becca MacLean

This is winning with wellness, a podcast about inspiring the wellness warrior in you. If you are feeling lost or alone in your wellness journey, or are looking for new ideas and inspiration, you are in the right place, a place you can learn about all things wellness in business life and living. Your host Jenny Ryce, we'll be bringing you inspiring stories and practical tools to improve your overall wellness personally and professionally. Imagine what living a life of wellness would be like. Thank you for joining us today. Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of winning with wellness. Today I am graced with Becca Maclean's presents welcome Becca to the show.

Thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here.

It is so great to have this conversation. I'm going to share with the audience's listening a little bit about you and your background and then we'll get into digging into why you're actually here because, you know we're going to share about what you do as a profession but we're going to tap into things a bit differently. Sound good? Sounds great. Awesome. So you guys Becca is a mother of four amazing humans. I've met them they're pretty awesome. And is an adventure loving storyteller. Her partner Quinn matches her lust for life. Becca loves trying new things. Anything from dirt bike riding to wakeboarding to painting with her kids. Her creative endeavors take her all over. One of her favorite places to go is Burning Man when she is in work mode. She owns and operates diva design. She is the powerhouse behind the your holistic Earth website and the creation of all things that the members get to experience. You can also find her writing about life on her blog, the happy home wrecker. She's currently writing her book A Survival Guide to crazy town chronicling lessons learned as she went from a life of coma to crazy to sexy, happy. Again, Becca, welcome to the show.

Thank you, thank you so much.

You know, I can't wait for that book to come out. Because that title is just exceptional.

It's really a snapshot of Yeah, of my life. And it could probably be, you know, the umbrella for many books, but yes,

it will be, it'll be the beginning of the series, shall we say. So Becca, you know, let's dig into it. We're, we, obviously I work with you on a professional level. And we're really here today to talk about what your personal experience has been as a mom. And you know, this podcast is about wellness. And you and I were really talking about you share your story in the upcoming volume of heal volume for about mental illness in your home and with one of your children experiencing, you know, certain issues in that. And I would love if you're open to obviously only share what you're comfortable sharing, but digging into how we you know, I remember one thing you shared with me, as you were writing your chapter was there were times where you felt you were alone, and that nobody else could resonate. And I just, I'm so thankful that you're here to share this because there is somebody connected to a child, whether they're friends family, you know, gave birth to them feeds, whatever it is, somebody is connected to a child that might be going through something similar to your experience. And I would love to just ask you, you know, would you mind sharing a little bit of a synopsis of what's been going on for your family? Of course,

yeah. Because there's such a stigma about mental health still, today. Yeah, it's such an important topic to talk about. So Thomas, my oldest, when he was about seven, my ex husband and I went through divorce. And during that time, it was exceptionally traumatic for him. And I think people and I'm not saying that all divorces, you know, end in childhood trauma, but the dramatic was share have, you know, much higher chance of doing so. So anyway, Thomas went through a terrible time during our divorce. And I had him into therapy right away for that. But it's like any trauma. Sometimes it's just it's not enough to just do that one thing. And he needed much more. And of course, during that time of separation, I'm running a household with four kids trying to make ends meet. So I'm not As focused on him as I probably should have been looking back hindsight being what it is, that said, years go by lots of therapy, things are getting worse. And the trauma turns into mental health problems like IED intermittent explosive disorder, I had no idea what that even was.

Can you because honestly, until you and I have this conversation, I had never heard of it, right. Intermittent Explosive. Also IED. Yeah. Which is interesting. My husband is like an Explosive Ordnance Disposal guy. So the acronym is really close. So I didn't want to mess that up. Can you explain for those listening what that is?

Yes. So basically, Thomas would spiral out of control in a insane rage, like almost frothing at the mouth, inconsolable. hysterics, right, and anger from a place of extraordinary anger. And then after a period of time you come down and then feel like shame and sadness, and that kind of depression. Because there's anger in itself. Like when they go off into this area, there's like a physical response that happens, like they get adrenaline and all kinds of kind of weird positive,

like an endorphin spike, and it just feels good to me.

Exactly. So they just let themselves kind of go off. And everything about that disorder helps push them right over the edge. And then at when they come down, if they're so depressed and sad. And, and it tends to be a cycle. So you get into like a honeymoon stage where they're feeling. You know, they want to make it up to you, they feel terrible. And then something can set them off any little thing can trigger them. And then away they go into that terrible space again. And yeah, I didn't know how to like, I was just describing that to our psychologist. And he was like, yeah, he has IED. And I'm like, I don't even know what that is. So and then I had to go and kind of research and learn all about that. But like all of those disorders, you never have just one.

Right? Right. Right. pairs or faculty, they,

they come in clusters. Like he had, he was a depression, he had already been like diagnosed with depression. From again, the divorce and then difficult things happening at school feeling bullied all kinds of you know, hurdles for

compounding thing. Oh, yeah. And this is you're talking about a young man here. Yeah. Seven, figuring out right.

Seven to 12 is where we were in those years. And then odd, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, where I could say the sky is blue, and he would insist that it is not. So this becomes very difficult when you're trying to reason with someone, and you can just forget it. So, and during that time, again, Therap learning all about this. I took him to two different therapists. One was this kind of grandmotherly type person who was very, you know, lovely, no nonsense. She took me aside afterwards and said, Thomas needs to go live with his father. And I'm like, I don't feel great about that. And it should, I should say that his dad moved like 3000 kilometers away,

right? It wasn't this wasn't a situation where Thomas would be down the street. This was a massive

move, and he would be completely away from me and his siblings. So instead of just going okay, sure, I decided I get a second opinion. And I went to like the exact polar opposite of that kind of a counselor, a gentleman he was, you know, kind of new agey, you know, chakras and all the rest of it, and I'm like, Okay, we're gonna give this a try. And at the end of that one, he said the exact same thing to me. He should go live with his dad. And yeah, that was probably one of the biggest, hardest decisions up to that point that I've had to make. And for a year, Thomas went and lived with his dad. And when he came back at, you know, 1314 he was worse. So it wasn't a good city. Question, unfortunately, but doing the best with what I had, like, the information I'm getting, I'm like, trying to make great decisions for Thomas. That one, I don't know how I could have done that one differently though.

I think in those of you that might be listening and resonating with some of this story, you can only make the decisions that you can make with the information that you have at the time. And we none of us are built with a crystal ball, none of us so that, you know, I admire you making the decision as hard as it must have been for all of you. And so let's fast forward a little bit because I know that Thomas is a bit older now. Let's fast forward a little bit and see, you know, you've obviously, you've sought other support. So can we just, let's just we're gonna pause on Thomas for a sec, I want to ask about you. Okay, how did you find support? And this is their support for you? What what did you What have you done to help yourself heal navigate through this process?

Well, right up until Thomas got sent to his dad's there was no one like professional support for me. So I'm leaning on my partner, and my folks and friends, you know, to you know, and it was a hard conversations to talk about, you know, it feels as a parent, you feel like, God, what have I done that this is where I'm at, you know, like, and humbling, really, very humbling. So not a lot of support during that time, professionally. It wasn't until after Thomas came back, things got really terrible. And we ended up going back and forth to the hospital, that I put my foot down and said, I'm not leaving here. We get out. I'm chaining myself to the ER doors.

Great. We laugh but that was pretty much how I mean, physical act of chaining yourself to the door. It was. Yeah.

And so. But from that point on, I did have help, which was amazing.

You know, and I think I really want to reiterate for those listening, be your own advocate, do not take no for an answer. If you are not getting the support you need. We live in a day and age where you need to be heard. You need to demand you have intuition. You know, if you need support, do not take note Don't be ruled over because everybody else's. Everybody's got their own agenda. Everybody's struggling. Everybody's tired. Everybody's maxed out. They don't have enough staff, all the things. If you take the answer is we don't have time for you right now. They all be like sweet.

We had been in and out of the hospital a few times a handful of times. And we'd been sent home. Every and finally I was like, I can't go home again. Yeah, I just this is this has to stop. Right. And yeah. So it was me coming right to that, you know, edge of Absolutely not. And if I I think I would have just been sent home indefinitely, right? Just. Yeah.

So when you think about your journey, and you think about, obviously, Thomas's journey, if there's something you could advise people, or you know, share from your own experience to maybe lighten the load or make the road? I'm never going to say it's going to be easier, but maybe a little less bumpy. Do you have anything you'd want to share?

Interestingly, it is, educate yourself. Start reading. As soon as you get a diagnosis of whatever that is, start diving into it. Some of those books that I read helped me be able to discuss intelligently with a doctor or a psychologist what needs to happen for Thomas and why it's not working. The probably the most impactful book that I read was The explosive child and I'll have to look up who the author is. But it I still go back and read passages out of it. Because it was Thomas was examples of Thomas's behavior and it wasn't just kids with IED. It was kids with odd like all kinds of different ones, but I Thomas was in those pages. And it gave me the hope to keep trying.

That's amazing. Those of you that are listening Don't give up hope. Yeah. Because can we get just do a little snapshot of where Thomas is today? I know his journey isn't over. And it's not going to be you know, it's like anybody's journey. We never know where it's gonna go. But where's he at right now?

Well, right now he's at work. Amazing, amazing. And he's saving up to move out of the house. Yeah,

ready to spread his wings,

where he can become his own man and live his life. I'm very excited for him. He's chosen some hard roads. So it's really nice to see him moving forward.

Well, I congratulate Thomas and you for you know, and your whole family this is, you know, the thing that's so interesting about mental illness is we've, we can easily brush over that in it. It has a ripple effect, and it impacts so many people. And so there are many, many people obviously to celebrating and his wins as well, which is, it's such a gift at the same time. Yeah, it is. Yeah. So back Can we you know, as our time is coming to a close together, is there anything you wish I had asked Are you really feel that we need to share with those that are listening?

Really my biggest one of the, you know, helpful thing was that book, and, and the, and the whole piece of just not giving up. There were times when I did not think I get like my house filled with holes in the walls, and, you know, kids who are afraid and feeling like, how are we going to take another step forward. But we did. And, gosh, we're in such a much better place today. It's kind of feels amazing.

Sometimes it's a you know, it's not always about the destination. It's the journey of who you become as you get there. And Thomas is at work. This is such a huge celebration in this and I didn't know that when I asked the question. So yay, I know we've been going for an interview. But that is exceptional. That's wonderful. You know, I can't thank you enough Becca for just shedding some light on your own personal journey. I know, it's not an easy story to share. I appreciate your vulnerability and allowing people to have a, you know, a bird's eye view into what you're going through because it potentially could release some some fear, anger and loneliness for somebody else. So thank you so much for sharing. Oh, my pleasure. So for those of you that actually are wanting to connect with Becca, she is an incredible member and contributor of your holistic earth. You can find her there, I'll make sure that all her contact information is in the show notes. You can read her story in its entirety in the volume four of heel, which is absolutely an exceptional story. And were three. And honestly Beck is an exceptional storyteller. So if you're looking to spread your message from a professional point of view, she is going to be a great asset for you in that realm as well. So, again, Becca, thank you for being on the show.

Thanks so much, Jenny. It's been awesome.

Thank you listeners for tuning in. I hope this sheds some peace and light into your own personal story, whether it's yours or someone that you loves mental health issues. This is a pandemic of a global proportion and us as individuals if we band together can normalize it and find ways for people to thrive, including ourselves. Thank you so much for listening. I look forward to catching you on another episode of winning with wellness.