EP57: Freedom from Anxiety with Dr. Friedemann

This is winning with wellness, a podcast about inspiring the wellness warrior in you. If you are feeling lost or alone in your wellness journey, or are looking for new ideas and inspiration, you are in the right place, a place you can learn about all things wellness in business life and living your host, Jenny Ryce, we'll be bringing you inspiring stories and practical tools to improve your overall wellness, personally and professionally. Imagine what living a life of wellness would be like. Thank you for joining us today.

Hi, everyone, welcome back to another episode of winning with wellness. We are so excited and honored to have you here sharing time and space with us to inspire your own wellness journey, or maybe somebody of those that you care about. I am really excited to have an amazing guest Dr. Friedemann. Welcome aboard.

Thank you, thank you, I love how you pronounce my name right now, which was freedom, which is actually something that I absolutely am highly valuing. But it's freedom and which actually means translated man of peace, which considering my work also fits pretty well.

Well, and you know, what's so interesting is that I have said your name? How many times before we actually started this 10 times, probably not. So there is a thing there, I think we're gonna like, we're gonna unwrap a little bit about what that freedom means because I'm telling you, there is something really powerful about the work that you do. And I do believe it provides people inner freedom. So having said that, I want to share with everybody a little bit about you if that's okay. You are an MD and PhD in it as really you love to do research personal development coach and the author of the award winning book, the fear and anxiety solution. So you guys, that might be a little snippet of what we might be digging into today, a breakthrough process for healing and empowerment with your subconscious mind. Dr. Friedemann recognize that our abundant self healing abilities can only function effectively when mind body and spirit align. Through his work, he has helped 1000s of his clients worldwide to overcome fear, anxiety and self limiting patterns by addressing the deeper subconscious root causes of these mental and emotional challenges. I am so thrilled to have you on the show to really dig into this extremely important topic. Thank you so much for being here.

Well, thank you for having me.

So let's dig into this freedom concept. I don't know where that came from. But it was important. Because you and I were having this conversation before we pressed record about an increase or maybe a greater awareness of anxiety in our youth and in adults in in work. And that is a passion project for you and where you spend a majority of what you do and working with individuals to dig into those subconscious root causes. When we think of that, what does wellness mean to you like what drew you to this work?

Well, first of all, I had anxiety for many years myself, so that was a good reason to find solutions. And I saw also when I worked in cardiology as a physician, that a lot of people that had stress or high blood pressure, or even heart attacks, and a lot of anxiety not only about the incident that brought them to the hospital, but before so there is just a real real link between how we are dealing with our physical or how we are physically and how we are mentally and, you know, at least in the 90s when I was in, in medicine, there were certainly not necessarily a lot of agreements around the medical field that stress, anxiety and so on, can also call cause physical problems. But that has changed in the meantime. So I really got passionate about anxiety because I feel it's a it's an issue that all of us can really struggle with. And as we know more and more are struggling with but we are kind of told well once you have anxiety, you have to live with it. It's kind of you're stuck. And that's something I didn't believe in I still know not to be true because I'm an example of no you can actually have a different relation with your anxiety, you can heal it, you can overcome it. And what I believe the freedom from anxiety is, is to outgrow it and grow with it, grow with it into your more authentic and more empowered self. So for me personally, and many of my clients anxiety was more an opportunity to do a little self reflection and to become more connected to yourself than this horrible thing that happened to you that, you know, you always have to look over your shoulder and wonder when it comes next to attack you

love that you share it in that light, because what's so interesting, I to actually ended up attached to a heart monitor. And, you know, in my 40s, because of anxiety and high stress, and ironically enough, I changed the path, guess what, my heart is fine. So I'm here to put a stamp on, you know, it's nice to see that science gets catched up to that that theory. You know, when you think about anxiety, and you're learning to live with it, work with it, people hear the word, I have anxiety, and it's like this all of a sudden this burden or this weight just by having that name attached. And you talk about walking alongside it, and you talk about working with it. What does that look like? How can we help people shift their mindset around the fact that anxiety can be potentially used as a benefit, shall we say? And that might not be exactly what you're referring to? But how can we reassure shift our mindset around that?

I mean, it's definitely a benefit. I mean, when you think about pain, that's not very comfortable. But it's a benefit to have pain, because it tells us Oh, there is an injury or there is an inflammation. So if you would have not physical pain, we probably would really lose a few limbs or something like that. So anxiety is the same thing. It's the pain that causes us to pay attention to whatever it tries us to pay attention to, or make us pay attention to. But unfortunately, we don't because we focus so much on the symptom, and not really what the message is. So we want to shoot the messenger without really getting the information. And let's say as an example of my anxiety was triggered mainly by the idea of having to succeed, so I always had to push myself harder, always go jump through higher loops and so on. And, and basically, you know, I could say, Well, I'm a stress monkey. And so I just have to live with the anxiety and have to take medication. Whenever I do a test or whenever I you know, challenge myself more or I can understand, what does the anxiety try to tell me. And what I try to tell me is that there was a core belief inside of me that I'm only worthy. If I have success, if I achieve something, I'm only lovable? If I really am, you know, number one, and whatever it is I supposed to be number one. Where does this come from? Well, it came from me experiencing a form of conditional love when I grew up, because you know, there were, there was a sense of, you're only acceptable to your parents, if you have the best grades. And if you don't, you get read the riot act, you are in trouble, you don't have a vacation. And so those conditionings create, then this mindset inside of us that well in order to survive love. And you know, approval is a form of survival, we have to do certain things. And for me, it wasn't achieving. Now for others, it's pleasing, you know, you can only really be safe. If you make everybody happy. Don't think about yourself, when for all others, it's a sense of having to be invisible. Because you know, just being out there, it's too much. So there, there are many different ways we are in survival mode that causes anxiety. And my next book is actually coming out next year. And that is about these patterns. And it's really important to understand that the anxiety is just here to help us. It's not here to torture us, but it's helping us based on information that's outdated. It's not true, that we are only lovable if we are pleasers or achievers, but we have to convince that deeper part of ourselves is subconscious about that what we want to believe versus that when we were made to belief and that is a journey to be free of anxiety.

So when you and I appreciate your examples, because I guarantee everybody that's listening, I myself feel like oh I I have people pleaser to the core. I really see I've done a lot of work to shift that and find out what is true for me and what what isn't. So we might have some listeners right now that by the way, can't wait for your book to come out. Make sure you let me know so that I can spread the word on that When when we're listening, and we've got listeners right now that are thinking to themselves, okay, this really resonates with me. I don't know what what are some steps for people to get started? Personally, if they're not ready to step in yet to look at the big picture and maybe work with somebody is do you have some resources, some some tips or tools for people to think about, they're starting their journey if they're not ready to step in with full support.

I think one of those things that helped me a lot was just to lose the anxiety of the anxiety and just tell myself, you know, what the anxiety is kind of a an inner navigator. It's just an over zealous nanny from my past who tries to somehow help to keep me safe. And so rather than feeling oh, this is so horrible. I was stepping a little bit away and more listening to what is the message? What are the negative thoughts that are bubbling up from inside, you know, often we are not paying attention, just like we are not paying attention to our body until it really hurts, we're not really paying attention to our mind until we are sitting in the midst of a panic attack. So just stepping back and noticing what is happening in my head, which thoughts are bubbling up? And what patterns reveal these thoughts, then you can really see, well, maybe I can actually question those thoughts. Maybe I can imagine those thoughts coming from, let's say, younger self inside of me, you know, you wake up in the morning, and, and you already have a thought of, it's going to be a horrible day and work, these people will not invite me for lunch, we're going to be all alone again. And then you're going to ask yourself, well, didn't I have this before? Wasn't it like when I was in school, and I was, you know, the outsider, no one wanted to eat with me and all the others were making fun of me or bullied me. You know, they're, you know, here's a connection of how you feel, and what happened to you. And then you can, as a next step, question, Is that still true? Do I really need to believe it? And then just try to gently address it, I find the most effective tool with negative thoughts, is to phrase them in questions. So rather than saying it's going to be a bad day, will it be a bad day today? Or these people are like me? Do these people not like me? Or I'm a loser? Am I a loser? So when you have these questions, then automatically you can take on the role of the one who gives the answer. And you can choose how you want to answer now, you don't want to necessarily wait until 100%, you're sure that you're confident enough to give the right answer, just give the answer that opens up your options, rather than only looking at the negative, just give a positive perspective, your mind going to be grateful for it because a you're listening, and b You're saying well, the world may be not so black and white, it may not be all negative and dark, there is actually another way of looking at this. And what I find when people do this for a few weeks, just everyday three or four of those thoughts, their negative thinking goes down by 80%. It's quite amazing, just by paying attention to what we do inside of us. And giving a little bit of nudging and guidance, things are changing, doesn't our mind is pretty willing to please us. We just have to work with it, and not necessarily try to fight it or ignore it.

I love that you can bring that down by 80%. That's that subset a lot. I know. I know. Well, it's a game changer.

Well, you know, the thing is, you don't want to do a debating club with yourself. It's not like getting mad at yourself. And so you have to come with a sense of compassion. That's why it's so nice to look at the anxiety more as something from the past a little younger self who feels you know, scared or sad, because then you open your heart, especially if you have children, you know, while I can open my heart to a child and just you know, comfort that child it has that energy plus a few positive directions, that does a trick. Now it's really interesting if you notice that you cannot really be compassionate to your younger self. You need help, because that's the moment when you realize you're kind of stuck in judging even that child self that you were and it's good to help someone or have someone help you to navigate through that maze of your past because often we are just really entrenched in false thinking confusion and also a lot of negative emotions.

And you know, I think that's so a important to bring that forward getting help doesn't mean that you're not capable or that you're weak or inferior, it means that you're strong and capable. And you see the value of getting support. I mean, every great. Every great success story has a team behind that success story of people helping people. When you, Dr. Friedemann, when you work with your clients, do you? Do you find that? There's a lot of similarities between and do you work with youth? Do you find that? Do you work with just adults at CU? Do you work with mostly?

No all? from children to 80 year olds? Yes. So it's definitely there is a difference. I mean, there are similarities, we certainly have certain patterns that repeat themselves. But young people struggle a lot. And they struggle a lot, because they struggle watching us, you know, the generation before them, and not really liking what they see, it's really hard for them to feel motivated to do the same thing that they saw their parents doing. Now, the idea of God, I have to work for 40 years in a job and pay off a mortgage, and they just don't really see purpose and meaning in that. So that's a struggle plus the whole thing about social media and comparing and competing and having to be something, there is no freedom and being themself because there's early on the idea of all you're only acceptable if you look this way, or if you do this, or if you are really special and standing out. So individuality doesn't count anymore. Everyone just tries to fit in while standing out, which is kind of the paradox, which makes them all kind of, you know, stressed and crazy. It's hard. And I also find that in contrast, maybe to how you grew up, or how I grew up, there is no boredom anymore, because there's so much structure and there's so much pushing on, you have to go through all these extra curricular activities. I mean, sometimes I listen to my young clients and see their schedule, and I think they are more busy than me. And I find that overly busy. And I find that sad because their mind and their brain cannot really have that freedom. Again, the word to unfold, develop, look and, and find themselves so that they can find their meaning and purpose in life. It's little soldiers that we have been creating, to somehow do the right thing so that we all can retire at some point. But in the meantime, it's just slogging along. And that scares them, I have a video about the fear of getting old. The most comments I get are from about 16 to 20 year olds that are already afraid of getting old, because the whole idea of while once I'm actually you know, getting a job, I'm pretty much debt and already old, I don't have anything to look forward to. It's sad. It's really sad. And so we have to somehow get out of this idea that success is financial or career or in doing that what we used to do, and really give kids more freedom to figure it out on their own. Because I am worried that you know, when you look at the numbers, how many young people are on anxiety, anti anxiety and anti depressive medication, I'm really worried that we are basically creating the US there will be more and more lost and feel more and more unmotivated to to do anything. And they are right. I mean, we hope that they're going to save the planet. But how we treat them, I don't think that they're going to do anything, and they're going on strike. And I think that's where you said and I think we as the parents have to change our minds there.

Oh my gosh, I see this around me, I'm a mother of two daughters. One is 26 and one is 17. And I value so much what you're saying because, you know, I realized I was part of the cog in the wheel of that scenario of and I was like wait a minute, I don't like the mirror that I'm putting out there for for my daughter and my daughters and I had to change my the reflection because I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm instilling this lifestyle concept that doesn't really resonate with this generation at all. And so when we've got parents right now, guaranteeing we do we've either got parents, we've got friends, we've got aunts, uncles, grandparents listening to this show. What would you say if they could only do one thing to help support the youth in their life, to ease anxiety or become aware enough to look at it? in a different way, do you have one suggestion? If they could change one thing, what would that be?

Have stress relieving conversations, which basically means that you just give each of you a chance to share how you're feeling, we are not talking about feelings, we are kind of hiding them or suppressing them, and just making an agreement to share what's really inside of us, even though we may not want to share it, or even though we may not want to hear it, it just is such a freeing experience for especially young people to be able to share what's going on inside of them without getting judged. So it's not about when you share, to contradict or to, you know, question or anything, it's really just sharing, and giving your young one, the feeling, I got your back, you can tell me anything you want, and I'm not giving you any feedback, I'm not judging you, I just would like you to be able to have this opportunity to let out and I hold the space, and I get to share with you what's going on with me. And in this way you feel like emotions in the inner workings are not something that needs to be hidden, or it's not a secret, it's something that actually, especially when you love each other, that can be shared. And that can be shared without any kind of judgment. And that in itself is a relief, because look at how many young people are hiding behind their screens, and, you know, maybe talking to their friends, but their friends don't really have any answers either. And, yeah, it's it's really amazing. And I think just as a parent to appear non judgmental. Wow, let's try that. I think it's gonna be a game changer.

I love this concept. It's something that I actually tried to do with my daughter. And I've one thing I've learned at the beginning of this process, like, you know, sitting down and having these conversations that I was very much I want to help her fix it, I want to you know, so I, I've learned to create the safes, containers space to listen. And at the end, I'm like, if you need my support and help to do any of it, you just tell me what you need for me. And I'll do it. Because my natural response as mom is to fix help, you know, because I want them like you said to have an easier life. Right? I mean, naturally, my husband and I were having this conversation the other day, how we, you know, we want to make it easier for them because you know, for whatever our childhood challenges might have been X cetera, et cetera. And I realize and have realized that it's doing her and our children a disservice, ironically enough, because they're not getting a chance to just live in their own experience.

Thank you for well in finding their own solutions, you know, trying to fix it is is empowering because they are basically again, a told you shouldn't feel this way. Let me fix it be don't really have that experience of discomfort that we need to have in order to look for something else. Unfortunately, we don't have the patience anymore. You know, we are told whenever you feel uncomfortable, I mean, I really don't like this when people say Oh, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Well, yes, that's great. Being uncomfortable is not a bad thing. We don't have to always look for the next comfort zone to hide into. So when our kids feel uncomfortable, it's okay. Because that makes them also pay attention more to what feels right and what they want to learn from this discomfort and how they can grow from it and but we need to have space for that. And if we don't have space because we are so pressured, we just shove it aside and think well, it's gonna go away by itself, but it doesn't. So that's the same thing with stress and anxiety pushing it aside, just plowing through it basically is creating a pressure cooker inside of us and how many people feel like ready to explode because everything is just too much. And that goes beyond you know, just the young people it's everyone feels the same way.

Oh, it's everywhere. We see it everywhere. Dr. Freeman? It's like I did it again. See it's freedom. We're on this we're on this thing.

The only one who says it but no, that's something maybe I should change my

hashtag or something along those lines. Doctor free Friedman, are you about that? What I would love to to tap into really quick because I can't believe how faster time is gone together. Is there anything that you would like to ensure Before we finish our time together that maybe I haven't asked you that you share with the audience, those that are listening myself, you and I, is there anything you'd like to make sure that you say, before we we finish our time together?

Well, I think, you know, what I found with my anxiety is, if I would have not listened to it, I would have never found my purpose, I would have never done what I have been doing, which was, you know, focusing on anxiety itself, helping people across the globe, if I would have not listened to my anxiety, but just shut it down, I would sit in Munich, in the cardiology department, head to heart attacks, and happily married, and probably be, you know, 100 pounds too heavy, because I would have stuffed all my emotions inside. My anxiety was a catalyst for me to find myself. And if you can have the patience with yourself, to just not judge your anxiety, just like you don't want to judge your kids that are struggling, not judge your anxiety as a flaw or a weakness or disorder to like yourself, be always tucked into that. Oh, wow, you have an anxiety disorder? Well, let me just give you this. And let's just step away and listen first, to what is the anxiety actually about I'm not against medication, I'm just saying medication is making it easier to get through the day, but it doesn't make the anxiety necessarily go away. Because you have to really look inside, and listen, and pay attention. And, and maybe there are things that you realize, my anxiety is right, you know, just talk today to a client who is anxious out of their her mind. And the anxiety says the same thing. You need to change your job. But the anxiety is basically falling on deaf ears, because there are all these excuses why it's not possible. But I know if this person would actually listen, so many more possibilities of peace and happiness would open up. So it's also that we are sometimes in a tug of war with our own emotions, when we have to learn not just to try to be right, you know, the conscious mind saying, Well, I know better. Maybe that deeper part of the mind, sometimes know is actually more what's in our heart. And maybe what's in our heart is more important to listen to, than what's in Alright.

I'm gonna leave it right there. Because you couldn't have said it like that, that everybody please just put that back on, rewind and re listen to that exact thing. It's going to be a game changer in your life. I know that people are going to be interested in reading your book. Where do they find that? Can they find it through your website or so it's the fear and anxiety solution, a breakthrough process for healing and empowering with your subconscious mind? Do they find that through your website? Or is it through Amazon?

It's pretty much fine. sounds true, they can find it there. I mean, it's like in bookstores. Okay.

It's easy to find. Also too, I know you provide a ton of tools to help people one of them specifically become your empowered self. These are free tools that are on your website that you want to have accessible to people. So those of you that are listening right now do not hesitate. I will be making sure that link is in the show notes. So you do not have to search all over the place looking for it. We will make sure that you know how to reach Dr. Friedman and just really get connected to this process if you are looking to dig deeper, because a journey like this does not have to be taken alone. Thank you so much for being on the show.

Thank you it was a pleasure.

Thank you everybody so much for listening to this incredible, inspiring and thought provoking episode of winning with wellness. We hope it inspires the wellness warrior and you do not hesitate to visit your holistic Earth for additional support resources and tools. We wish you nothing but wellness.