EP34: Healing from Trauma - The Journey from Suffering To Empowerment with Kim Wilkinson

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Welcome, everyone to another episode of winning with wellness. I am so thrilled to be here with Kim Wilkinson, we are going to be talking about some pretty interesting topic, but I'm not going to share about it yet. I just want to welcome you to the show. Kim, welcome.

Thank you so much. Happy to be here.

thrilled to have you here. So you guys, I'm going to share with you a little bit about Kim before we dig in. And then we're gonna get into some great conversation and questions. And let's see what we come up with. So Kim is a trauma and grief recovery coach and spiritual empowerment coach, she combines her various trainings and personal experience to educate and support others on their healing journey. And I'm really excited to talk about this can because for some it's a topic that people aren't really comfortable to dig into and or seek help for fear of many things like persecution, you know, not showing that they're strong enough, you know, all of those kinds of things. So keep share with me why you do the work that you do?

Absolutely. Well, one of the biggest messages I try to share is about living your best life. And really, that comes down to being authentic. And so often because of our past our emotional experiences, our traumas, our grief, we can often lose that authentic self. So that's a big part of it. And we just have not been taught as a society how to manage our emotional health. You know, we've been talking about mental health for for quite a few years now. But there's still not a lot of focus on emotional health. And everything in my experience my trainings in my own personal experiences roots back to emotion. And it's so powerful, healing and empowering when you can start to understand the why behind our pain, our beliefs, our behaviors, and start to change. It's, it's incredible.

You know, it was interesting, I was just one of my guests just recently said, we're one choice away from potentially the best decision of our lives. Right? Absolutely.

And I, I just think it's so interesting. When we think about emotion. For generations, many people have been oppressed, in emotion sharing, or, you know, be seen not heard. And I'm not saying it doesn't still happen, but to see that we're, we're cracking the door open or kicking the door open, I hope for people to really step into what emotion is such a powerful driver behind the decisions that we make when you work with your clients. And you work with others in reference to emotion and, you know, healing and moving through that. What What would a journey look like for the average person because some people are probably intrigued, but might be uncomfortable with the idea of stepping in, because, you know, we all have the vision from a movie. So tell me what that looks like.

Absolutely. One of the things I tell people often, whether it's one on one or groups or any teaching is you really have to learn to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. And it's just bringing it to the simple parts of life. We make everything so complicated, but But life is really simple in that it's one experience after another after another after another. And our experiences are either pleasant or unpleasant. That's really all it is. And it's really easy to deal with the pleasant experiences. It's not so easy to deal with the unpleasant ones. Right, right. Because as you mentioned, you know, we're told things, you know, in childhood or as we're growing up, things like just be strong or you know, just forget it, don't worry about it, let it go. Don't cry, especially men, right? Boys Don't Cry or you know, be a man or if you're going to cry, go to your Room. And, you know, we're actually taught to not feel our pain. And most of the time, it's not consciously taught, it's just unconsciously taught. And so we end up in this world, living very unconsciously. And you only know what you know. So whatever your experiences growing up, we tend to then repeat those patterns. When we become parents. With everything that I've learned through my trainings and my own personal experiences, I'm the first one to say that if I knew 25 years ago, what I know now I would have parented way different way different, right? I don't beat myself up about it, though, because I know I did the best to my abilities. And my intentions were good, nobody, intentionally or consciously chooses to kind of mess up their kids, but we do it all the time, unconsciously. Yeah. And when people come to me, you know, a lot of times they're coming for a very specific event, a lot of times, it could be the loss of a loved one, or, you know, something traumatic. And what we, we find here, what they discover through, what I take them through is that there is all of this unresolved emotional experiences to that, like you said, we suppress and suppress, and we all have this emotional volcano inside of us, that can erupt just like that at the drop of a hat, right. So when people come, they come for one specific thing, but what they realize is that, oh, my goodness, there's all these other things. And that can be overwhelming. But it can also be very empowering, because what they learn is how to actually effectively manage and find completion to the pain, those experiences, and to be able to move forward and have that freedom. And it's so powerful.

I just want to highlight for those listening, I love that you address this. You do the best you can with what you have and the skills you have in the moment. It's not a free pass, when you learn to do it differently, to beat yourself up for where you were to where you are. Now, I commend you for bringing that forward. Because we don't know what we don't know. So I want to dial it. Tell me what would you what would you tell yourself? What would you say, Hey, lady, what would you say to Kim Yong Kim, knowing what you know, now, what would you

say? Absolutely. And, you know, first of all, again, you only know what you know, and when you know better you do better. Yeah, so hopefully we're always learning. But again, just what I realized when I when I share with my clients, or even just anybody I'm in conversation with is finding a different perspective on some of the language that we use. So for example, a lot of people will often connect with the feeling of guilt, and feel guilty about things they did or things that happened to them making it their fault, right, coming into shame or even blame. And when you really kind of look at the word guilt guilt, in a court of law, right is with intention to cause harm. So for for me to say I feel guilty as a parent, well, I never intended to cause harm to my children. So there's no we can change our language to regret, we can regret doing something or regret not doing something. But attaching that guilt. I mean, that's a that's a big deep label. Forgiveness is another one, right? That's a tough one. For people, it's hard to let go, it's easy to fall into that state of victimhood. And understandable because a lot of people go through some very, you know, emotionally painful and traumatic experiences. And we tend to get this idea that forgiveness means that we're just saying that whatever happened or whatever is was said is is okay, and that's not it at all, one of my favorite explanations of forgiveness is this. Forgiveness is letting go of the hope of a different or better yesterday. Right? And when you think about that, it's, it's really just this acknowledgement that, okay, this really crappy thing happened. I know I can't do anything, right. There's no way we can change the past. No matter how hard we try, we will never change anything that's happened. But just recognizing that, okay, I can't create a different outcome. So I'm going to let this go. And when you can just change your perception of words sometimes and how you see things that can be really powerful, and, and freeing, you know, from that pain, but we tend to get stuck in that.

Birds are so powerful, you know, thoughts become your reality. Well, they are your reality, what you say and what you think is your truth.

Absolutely. And we're telling ourselves these stories all the time and often, you know, our stories are what Keep us in that place of fear in that place of lack. Or, you know, feeling the shame, the blame the the guilt that people tend to take on.

So when you think of wellness, and overall wellness, and the work that you do, how does it help people on their health journey? How does it help people change their health? Health highway?

Great, um, thank you for asking that question. I'm a big believer, because I've experienced it. And I've seen it with many clients too. First of all, you have to take a holistic approach, right? You need to take of your physical health, your mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health. It has to be all encompassing. But one of the things I've noticed, that is key, you take care of your emotional health, and you will heal physically. I've had so many clients that have had pretty extreme physical transformations, just by healing their emotions and their emotional past. It's incredible. Artistic, yeah,

I've met some I mean, me and myself, personally, I you know, but I've met some incredible stories. And people that are attached to these stories that literally change their whole life, physical, they're what they were ill, and then they were no longer able, when they dealt with their, their emotions, their you know, salutely It's incredible. It's so interesting to me, why do you think it's taking so long to catch on?

Well, I think because we've been so conditioned to think otherwise, and to act otherwise and to believe otherwise. Right. And oftentimes, we don't even realize the stories that we're telling ourselves and, and that we're telling others and I often say awareness is half the battle. And you can't fix change or heal what you're not aware of. When you become more aware, when you start to understand, you know, emotions, and the response in the body and trauma and triggers and behavior and the why behind things. Things make so much sense. And everything becomes so much more clear within yourself. And with other people, you start to look and understand your family members, better your co workers. And it's that shift that moves us from resentment, anger, those not so pleasant feelings to compassion, acceptance. And I always say to that, just because we understand something doesn't mean we're going to like it or agree with it, but we can understand it, it's so much easier to move in a place of acceptance, and then be able to move forward from it. When we don't understand, it's really hard to let go up.

It's almost like you know, the same rose colored glasses, right? When you see things through a different lens, whatever that lens may be, it's either benefiting you or working against you. So the work you do helps people put on a new lens, I would guess

it is quite transformational. But you really have to kind of dig back to these early childhood experiences. Right. And I think coming back to again, just understanding words differently. traumas and grief are words that I think people misunderstand so much. People hear great grief, grief, they think of, you know, death. Well, that's very true. There are so many other things that can cause grief, right? Any loss could be, you know, loss of a loved one loss of a pet loss of your job losing your home to fire or flood. You know, retirement, loss of that work, family graduation, COVID loss of connection loss of being able to do the things you love, the whole world is gravy from COVID Right now, but we don't recognize it as grief, right? We recognize the stress or anxiety, we give it a label. And then if we actually seek help, often, you know, it's it's it's a label, it's a prescription, and that's the end of it. And I'm not against medication, I think medication is needed at times, but why aren't we digging to what is the root cause of this. And that's what we do in the program. So they work with is getting to the root cause so that we can, you know, just better manage everything.

And it's, I love that you're highlighting that grief, grief and trauma come in different forms. I didn't know that when my daughter, you know, moved out my oldest. I didn't anticipate the impact that would have on me. I did not anticipate the grief that I I felt around that. And there are times that I'm still you know, like, not okay with it. But it was interesting, because of course I never really equated it to to grief. I was you know, you're fine. It's this is what she's posted. You know You tell yourself the stories instead of just, uh, you know, when I allowed myself just to sit in it and, and process it and yeah made it manageable me me, you know, it's like, okay, quit pushing this feeling down because it's just getting it's bubbling up, it's just getting worse and worse and worse. Yeah, the clarity are just so high,

and we're taught to distract from it right. And coming back to even, you know, looking at what people think of trauma, or they hear the word trauma, they think of, you know, pretty violent acts, you know, different types of abuse, or first responders in witnessing are being part of pretty horrific things. And while that is all very true as well, there are also these other, you know, you might call them little T traumas, or sometimes I'll refer to them as unpleasant emotional experiences that we have in childhood. And the more I study this, and the more I understand my own behaviors, and work with my clients, I'm really believing that a lot of these childhood experiences that we're not even aware of, are having a bigger impact on our adulthood, than some of these big T traumas, and things, I'll just share a few examples. So, and again, it comes down to these things where, you know, when children are born, they need attachment and authenticity, they need that for resiliency for survival. And often, what happens is children lose their authenticity for that attachment, right? We need the parents to love us to help us to feel like we belong, to help us to feel heard, right? Those basic human needs. And a lot of times, that doesn't happen, right? Parents are stressed out, or, I know, I didn't know what I was doing. When I first had my kids, like I said, you know, you're just do it, you know. And we might have a young child who is, you know, the behaviors, very references acting out are terrible twos. And, you know, what's really happening is that child hasn't been not a need not being met. Right? Whether they're not feeling like they're longing or connected to the parents, or they're not feeling loved or feeling safe. And you know, the response from the parent might be maybe they've just had a really bad day. And, you know, just go play, go play, right, I got to do this right now. And it kind of sends that man, it seems like not a big deal. But it might send a message to this kid that, you know, I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable. And those are the beliefs that start to happen, right. And then from there, behaviors will happen, right. So if attention is needed, a child will then start to do whatever to get that attention, even if it's not great attention, attention is attention, right. And then those are the same behaviors, and patterns that show up in attitude. In childhood, they kind of served a purpose. But now they don't, right. Or we might have a child who grows up in a home where there's a lot of, you know, whether it's verbal abuse or physical abuse, and the behavior to meet, the need is to withdraw and to isolate and just go hide in my room. And it does serve a purpose because it helps the child to feel feel safe. But that becomes the behavior. And as they get older, anytime, you know, there's any bit of discomfort in a relationship or at work or wherever, that's the pattern that shows up and it doesn't serve anymore, right? And we lose who we are. We become people pleasers, and in fixers, we want to fix everybody else, but ourselves. And then, you know, because Oh, I know,

we've all been there, right?And when, like I said, But you know, better you do better. And just doing this has opened up so much for me. When I started to really have this deeper awareness and understanding, I thought, I gotta share this with others, because I know everybody else is going through this too.

Well, and I think that's probably the most profound thing about all of this. It doesn't this is not gender specific. This is not age specific. This is not bank, account size specific. Every single person on the planet has experienced some type of an emotional trauma, whether again, you're aware of it or not, it's it's happened. I can only think of small droplets in my life around around, you know, my academics that literally changed who I am today. Some really great some not so great, right? And, you know, having to sit in that work is is not easy sometimes. So, again, we've probably sparked something in somebody's listening. If, if people are uncomfortable, let's say seeking help, which of course I would be an advocate for this is definitely a journey that you should look at and should is The right word, but I would consider seeking support. If you've got somebody listening right now that is not sure that they want to step in all the way, is there some tools that you can provide them to, to work with at home right now that we could give them a few tips to set them up on the pathway to discovery?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, every situation is different. And every person is different, depending on, you know, what types of trauma emotional experiences they've been through, and also what their resiliency is. Because just to sidestep for a moment, you know, you could have two brothers grew up in the same home, that have a lot of the same experiences, and one could grow up struggling with a lot of mental health and addiction issues. And one could go on and be very successful in business. And it's just, it's the resiliency, it's, you know, one may just be more authentic than the other, whether they had support from somewhere else. But one of the big things is, you know, first we need to learn to turn inwards, we need to come back to the body, we're too much in our head, we're always looking for everything, all the answers outside of us, and everything is inside of us everything we need to know. Now, having said that, I once just everybody just take the time and start to turn inwards, because if somebody who's had a lot of trauma who is really disconnected or even dissociated from the body, that can be very overwhelming, it can be re traumatizing. So some people would suggest need that support of, you know, a coach, or a therapist or psychologist, somebody who can help them to feel safe through that journey. And to help them to move through it at a pace that is comfortable. Some people, however, may have that ability to kind of sit down and start with some breathing exercises, you know, eventually working into meditation, trauma, informed Yoga is a great way to reconnect with the body and start to explore what's going on there. It is painful, and I promised my clients this, I tell them, I promise you going through this will be painful. However, the pain going through the pain is the only path to freedom. And it is worth every little bit of pain that you will go through. And I know tons of them will agree with me on that statement, they've said it as well. You have to go through, that's the truth, we have to face the truth, right? So it's getting back to the body. And if I could just speak to triggers for a minute, we all have triggers, we're always going to be triggered, we can avoid triggers. But again, we kind of get this perception that triggers are bad, we shouldn't trigger people. And I do a lot of my trainings and still with Dr. Gabor Matty and cybron a lot of his teachings into my work as well. But he helped me to realize that, you know, triggers are actually a really good thing, something that we should be grateful for. Because all they are is an energetic sensation in the body that is trying to get our attention to direct us what needs to be healed. And that's all it is. And when we can start to again, just change our perception change the way we think about it, then we can actually approach it and heal it right. Because if we don't, if we just avoid distract, it's still there. It doesn't go away until you actually bring it to the surface, understand it and find some completion with it, then you're free. But otherwise, we have this volcano of emotions. And when something in the present happens, that creates some adness sadness, or anger or whatever the emotion is, not only are we experiencing that, but that volcano of emotions also comes to the surface and says, Hey, I'm still here, too, right? So it becomes so overwhelming. And then it's like, oh, I have anxiety. Right? Like you do. But what you have is a whole bunch of unresolved emotional experiences. And that's what it is. So some of those practices like breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, and then the programs that that I work with, we get more specific into like, step by step work.

Well, and I think to like you said, Kim, if you know that you're pressing a lot, this is a journey to take with somebody. This is a journey to have support. And, and the key thing and I want to highlight this for everybody doesn't matter when it happens. You're going to have to go through it just like you said, Kim, we can we can push it down, we can ignore it, we can hide it, but one day, you're still going to have to walk through it. So I encourage you all to do it sooner than later.

Right. Yeah. You don't know how great and amazing life can be until you dump some of that baggage and have that freedom. Yeah. And that that's been my experience. The fascinating thing is, when you do, I call it doing the work, and you got to do the work, and you got to do it every day for the rest of your life. Because otherwise, you fall back into those old patterns and beliefs and behaviors. But when you do the work, everything around you changes, your relationships change, even if those people haven't changed, your relationship changes. And I've noticed that with all my relationships, everything is just improved, my health has improved, my relationships have improved, my business has improved, everything is just so much more enjoyable. And things don't seem to bother me. But it's because I have this, you know, variety of tools and resources that I can apply when things surface. And you know, when you start to become uncomfortable with the comfortable, sorry, comfortable with the uncomfortable, it does get a bit easier, right, you actually start to realize that, okay, I can do this. And you experienced that bit of lightness, when you kind of dump that first thing out of that emotional suitcase.

I love that. It's time to start unpacking guys.

Absolutely. There's no need to carry all this stuff around.

No. And so, Kim, how do people How did my understanding, I just gonna look at my notes here. You had some free resources on your website? Correct? Your online school you're on? Do you want to share about those resources for people?

Yeah, for sure. So I've got my from my main website, everything can be access. So that's empowered life now dotnet. There's a tab on there that is titled online school. And from that tab, there are some some free meditations that can be downloaded. There's a few other workshops on there, I think that are that are free as well. And every now and then when there's events like black Friday's coming up, I'll put something like a program on either at a really reduced rate, or some of them just free for today if you sign up kind of thing. So I encourage people to keep an eye on that. Or I also share that a lot on my my social media. Okay, great. And then there's a variety of other programs, one on one in person, or online group, in person or online. It's, and we've really created a really great community. I think that's what people realize is they're not alone. And there is this something powerful too about connecting even though it's on Zoom, just connecting in a group with other people who are going through something similar, and finding strength within that group. Yeah, yeah, it's quite amazing. Communities a powerful thing. apart really is, it really is.

So Kim, before we finish, is there anything you wish I'd asked you that I haven't asked you yet?

Not that I can think of I just um maybe what I can do is put forward a link for a video I shared my main reason for doing this is to really help people realize that healing is possible. And and one thing that I'll share that we didn't talk about what really led me to this work, and we have been drawn to it for several years. But it was actually two years ago yesterday, my youngest son, Tristan, passive overdose, he was 22. Thank you. But what I what I want to share is this profound healing that I have had, and not only healing, but just as empowerment that has led me to what I believe is my purpose doing this work. And it's been an amazing journey, but it's because of doing the work. And I'm so grateful for that. Because I know that there are mothers that are in a very similar situation. We never compare grief. But I know there are many parents who have also lost children to overdose. And, you know, three, five years later, they still struggle to get the bed. They're still suffering. And I just can't imagine. You know, I still think of my son every day and miss him. I still shed some tears here and there, but I have so much gratitude, because really, he gave me the greatest gift. You know, we often think of you know, mothers give life to their children when we birthed them. But what I recently became aware of is that it was this him that gave me life because the whole journey just woke me up to being more aware, living more consciously being able to apply the tools and resources that I had to experience this incredible healing. And then again to find my purpose, which I believe I'm doing with, with the work I do. And it's just so rewarding. So I have so much gratitude for it. And I just like to share that. Because I know there's a lot of people that are struggling from a lot of different things right now. And I want people to know that healing is possible.

Oh, Kim, I cannot thank you enough for, for sharing your truth in such an vulnerable way. And showing people it's possible. I mean, that is such a, you know, a tragic, debilitating loss, and to show that there is a light and a pathway through is thank you for just honoring us with that story. I can't even I have no words to express my gratitude for that. So thank you very much for sharing it here with myself. And whoever's listening, because whoever's listening needs to hear that right now. So thank you so much.

Absolutely. Yeah, I've been very open about my story on my YouTube channel, my books coming out in early in the new year where I share a bit more there on and also some of the things that I used, you know, and apply to help me so I'm just grateful for any opportunity to share my story and to hopefully inspire others or share some tools and resources because we all deserve to live a healthy, happy, joyful life.

On that note, wow, thank you so much, Kim, for being here. And sharing your wisdom and your knowledge and hopefully inspiring people into action, to healing their trauma or their emotional blockades so that they can live a fuller life. Anybody that's listening, you guys, Kim's information is going to be in the show notes. She is also an incredible member of your holistic Earth, you can search her there, you will find her. And do not hesitate to tap into this. What Kim is sharing is so important to our overall health and well being and our lives. It touches every single portion of our life. So when you say you're feeling like you're doing your life's work cam, I totally agree. It's so powerful work.

So thank you. It is yeah, and if anybody is welcome to reach out, you know, send me a friend request. Follow the page, I'm always happy to make some new friends and build our community. So that's what it's about is building community,

building community and connecting so all of you out there. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen again, this show would not exist without you and your dedication to listening and being a part of it. Again, do not hesitate to check out your holistic Earth in ignite the wellness warrior in you. That is going to be a beautiful place and resource not only to find Kim, but other modalities that will help you through different pathways in your holistic journey. So, Kim again, thank you so much. Thank you everyone for being here. And I wish you nothing but the best. Thanks so much.

Thank you, Jenny. Such a pleasure to be here. Thanks for letting me share.