Helping People In Transition

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Speaker 1 00:00:32

I am so delighted to introduce you to my special guest today, Beverley Shiels. After a long career in municipal government, Beverley decided to take a leap of faith in response to a spiritual call to become a certified end of life doula and start up a business called courageous goodbyes. In her role as a doula. She provides non medical, practical, emotional and spiritual support to the terminally ill, the dying, the grieving and their loved ones. Her mission is to empower each person to face their fears, embrace the bittersweet gifts of the journey and prepare for their courageous goodbyes.

Ah, welcome back, everybody. So happy to be here with all of you today on When Spirit Calls, I am so excited about our guest today, you've learned a little bit about her from the bio. But we've got lovely Beverley here. Hello, hello.

Hello, everyone. It's so wonderful to be here.

It's so wonderful to have you. And you know, you and I have known each other for a little while now. And the work that you do I find so compelling and so beautiful. So, you know, as we learned in the bio, you know, you've been helping people in transition and helping families in transition. And a lot of people might think like, oh, who would want to be there when someone's dying or transitioning, but I think that there's some beauty in that. And I think that you have an idea of, of what that's all about, obviously, spirit called you to do this work, otherwise, you wouldn't be doing it. So I'd love to hear a bit about the story and how you know, your endeavor or your purpose really unfolded for you in doing this work and helping people transition. So I'm gonna pass it over to you, Beverly to share with everyone. What is it that brought you to helping people in transition?

Right off the bat, I'm going to say I was called. I'm going to say since I was a little girl, it was natural for all of my friends from a very young age to come to me and just share moments and disappointments and looking for advice. I mean, what can a young child say, but to be honest, it feels like wisdom came from somewhere else, and gave me the words that my immaturity or life experience didn't give. So I think that's really how it started. And like most people, I think that there's a void that we try to feel to Phil, because something keeps gnawing away at us. And, and we're trying to figure it out. And I used to look up into the stars as a young child and see, I must be more to this. But you know, like I would just look up in war and I think that was the start. I came from a family who, from the paternal side, all the matriarchs on that side have some gifts and abilities. And as it turned out, my great grandmother was a doula from the perspective of she helped bring everybody into the world. Everything in between and all the way through. And I didn't know that about her. I knew her. She left her at the ripe old age of 99. Of course, I didn't know that part about her. And so for me, I think it's something that's in my DNA. However, I don't have quite the same connection that the Matrox on that side of the family have, they really are able to connect with spirit in a different way. For me, it flows especially if I'm in the shower, I don't know if it's because everything kind of you just relax, maybe an unknown meditation, but I feel a lot of wisdom through through the shower.

I love that you share that I get quite a bit in the shower too. And also while I'm driving, of all like if I'm driving by myself, it's like the information just seems to come. So I love that you share that with everybody because surely You're not the only one that gets these messages or these downloads at these odd times, or what we would might consider odd. And I think it's because it's a space where we're still and we're quiet enough to receive the message. Yes, right. And so that is a really good invitation to the audience to remind them of moments in their day where they can find that stillness. Because in that stillness is when we can receive those wonderful messages. Yeah.

And we don't always realize that it maybe comes from spirit. I, I kind of know, because not that wise or that smart, you know, it's like, wow, you know, but And the interesting thing is, is that it doesn't always necessarily stay with me. It's like, it's like, I don't remember, you know, it's like, oh, well, I should write it down. I have friends always say to me, you should really get those kids, crayons, you know, can write in the bathroom, and write all those things down, you know? But no, I'm not going to do that. The other place from you, right? A lot of information seems to download is in my dreams. And that's interesting, you know, to me, so yeah, this calling. I think, for me in the work that I've done, this is my second career. I came from corporate background, and very regimented, but even within their people naturally came gravitated to me to help them in their times of need, they would walk into my office, and they would kind of go. Yeah, this feels good in here. And then they would tell me all kinds of stories, you know, troubles. And it's not that I convicts, but it's just been that stable presence that they can turn to. And I really, that's the work of a doula, and whether it's through birth. And as you know, for me, it's that end of life as people transition. And I have seen some pretty amazing things. And it's not about me, it's not that I have the gifts necessarily the same as others. I wish I did, like, I don't see spirit. I don't audibly hear it. But I kind of get this tingling sensation that comes upon me. And then maybe this wisdom, you know, that I know is from me. Yeah. So not,

It sounds to me like Claire cognizance, you know, where you just know, where you just have a knowing inside of your mind. But I also get the sense, like, you are a channeler. So even though you said it's not necessarily auditory, like you're still getting the messages there somewhere. So this Claire cognizance, you know, of just all of a sudden, having the knowing or the wisdom is a big strength for you, I can see, I want to add to what you were saying, though, too, because, you know, you talk about people coming to you a lot and sharing their stories. And, you know, and I want to stress, a lot of people don't realize how powerful it is to hold space for others. And you are so gifted at that, Beverly, that's why you are a death doula. That's why you help people who are in transition, because you're so good at holding space, allowing people to express to be all that they need to be in that moment without judgment, without needing to fix anything even. But just to hold space. And for the audience out there just want you to hear how important holding space is for other people. And so it's not always about fixing and doing, it's really just holding space for that person to be all that they need to be in that moment of time. And that's a powerful gift to have. You know,

I sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt a story just kind of popped into my head where I can give reference to this. So I was on a coaching type call. It was a coaching call from somebody for me. And I was chit chatting with this person. And we went on to go into detail about what I did. And then I just kind of started to talk, you know, because I get excited about it. And I guess I was talking about how nobody really dies alone, especially in this time of COVID people are concerned that their loved ones they couldn't get to them and they died alone. And it's my belief from things that I've seen. They don't like die alone. The other loved ones come to them as they pass and they sit in or and they just look up and they kind of nod or they don't know or or sometimes they'll say mom, or like as if there's somebody that they can't believe is there. So I'm talking to this First thing about this this coach. And so anyways, you know, in the conversation there was no more to this until about several months later in this time of COVID. And I guess she was going through her things, and she could see that I was somebody that didn't take up her services. So she was reaching out. In the meantime, her father had passed away in Ontario, she had traveled backwards and forwards several times over his decline. But she wasn't there when he died. And she had a very difficult time of Oakheart. But she remembered somebody, somebody had said to her, nobody dies alone. And as she was going through her notes, she saw that she had taken down the note of nobody dies alone from our general chatting conversation. And she wrote back to me, and told me that story and she said, Thank you so much. She said, because you helped my grief journey, because I would have guilted myself into a depression because I wasn't there with my dad at the moment he died, and he was all alone. So even things that we say, just in general chit chat, sometimes, you know, there's a divine message there from spirit that comes through for a time when they need it.

Oh, Beverly, I have goosebumps with that story, and how powerful for the audience to remind them that nobody really dies alone. I think that message in itself was so special and so magical, and having had my own near deaths. I know that I was welcomed by people, and it was beautiful. You know, but in our humaneness, you know, we're thinking, oh my gosh, they were alone, and they didn't have anybody. But there's this incredible spiritual energy that happens. It's so graceful and so peaceful and so loving, that there is such comfort and like you said, lots of times, other loved ones come through to greet them. Angels are often present in that experience. And so what a beautiful and wonderful reminder, nobody dies alone. I love that story. I love that story. So I keep getting the message that people are probably curious about what a death doula does, what is what does that encompass? And what does that look like? So, you know, we know that, you know, everyone at some point is going to die, right? And there's a lot of people in this world we know we have an aging population in the world, we have COVID to pile up on that and makes it life a bit more interesting. And so can you explain to the audience what a death doula does, what their role might be and how they could help somebody?

Yes. So the death doula some people call them end of life, doulas. They are a companion, somebody who takes a journey alongside another person, we meet them where they're at, in life and death. Everybody has different stories, backgrounds, tragedies, wonderful things. And so we help them face death. And by doing that, putting things in place. So it's about living, it's not really about dying. It's bringing the breath of life to death, it's to us. It's to have the courage to face it, and not sink in and internalize. I'm not to say any of those things are not right. There's a time and a place for everything. But to plan for death long before death, when there's no crises, when you can think things through when you can have conversations, when you can say whether or not you want to be on life support systems or not, and why in this scenario, I do and in this one I don't and so all about quality of life. So that's part of the role. And then we support people who have received that terminal diagnoses, because the whole family is impacted. You know, and so we take the journey, and we just like I say, meet people where they're at, there's no cookie cutter, answer that this is soul work, right? This is heart work. This is Family Centered work. It's bringing community to death. But there's also times when it's to be aware that sometimes that dying person also needs to be alone. Because not everybody wants to have somebody holding their hand. There's a detachment that takes place as the spirit realm and the physical realm start to separate, right? And so they're in or this is my observations. This is just my personal opinion. You know, they're in awe of what's taking place and they can't believe it. And it's a detachment, right? Oh, they're, they're kind of pulled between the worlds right, the loved ones and then if you can imagine they're on this shore. And then they know on the other side, there's all these people waiting to greet them. And, you know, there's excitement. So sometimes they need to die alone. So we help people see all the different scenarios. So somebody wrote, for me, I'm like, smoke is what they said, I drift in and out, it's like quietly, it's like a come to the forefront to go into the background depending on what's needed. So the focus is the entire family. But as the person is preparing to die, a lot of our work is to them to help them prepare, you know, do legacy work. And what I mean by that is to write things down or leave messages for young children because not everybody dies at the ripe old age of 8090 100. Right. And then, as the person is dying, and slipping away, our focus really comes into the family. So we're that reassuring, consistence presence when the medical people are running around doing everything they're they're doing for curative or medical things. We that we fill that space, that gap. And so like if you think about those of us that have had children when you're in labor having a baby, right, the medical system comes and going like Oh, I wish they would just stay with me the whole time right? you're unsure. The death doula, like the birth doula is there consistently, just reassuring. We're not afraid of death, you know, so. So we bring calmness stillness to that process. And, and then we stay with the family after death, we may help with bringing in the funeral director. We may. Like there's there's just such a huge gambit of things. Yeah. So yeah, it's it's diverse.

It really sounds like it and like you said, it's it's not one size fits all, it's, you know, customized approach, helping the family with whatever their needs are, and filling it in whatever gaps. It's so interesting to me as you were speaking, you know, when you said, not everyone wants family all the time to be visiting. And I was just thinking, Oh, my gosh, she's right. Like, if I'm on my last days, like, I'm gonna want some quiet time to just be with myself as well. It's my final time with my physical self. Right. So that was interesting to me that that brought that thought that something I want to thought of, I would have thought that, you know, the people dying want to see all their loved ones, and maybe not, right. And so you can help us to see these other perspectives, or the the perspective of the person who's, you know, whose life is about to end. Now, I'm curious, because I'm, I feel very blessed that I had a near death or two near deaths, actually, in which I got to experience the other side, so to speak, and experience how beautiful and amazing it is. But I know for a lot of people fear is such a big piece, do you find that a lot of patients will stay just out of fear to not have what's on the other side? And then what do you do about those ones who are like suffering and this humaneness and all they need to do is let go of the fear and they could be free of that. Like, is there a process or anything you can do for that?

Yes, we just have conversations, you know, depending on the person I had one gentleman that was a devout Christian gentleman. He was like, the perfect gentleman, kind, caring, good father, good family man. Went to church every day. He was terrified to to die because he feared judgment because of the God that he learned about or how he saw God. Right. And so he delayed his journey substantially because I think that there is a frail Free Will when we let go, yes. And so as another example, I've seen somebody in the active dying face for like 18 hours when all the physical symptoms are there, come back and say I want to smoke and I want to stop sandwich. And it's like what happened? It's because they decided to come back but physically they had gone. So going back to this other religious gentleman, it just to talking and telling stories about my experiences and for for some people have shared that they had died and came back and to share their experience with them. And I think that that really, really helps them. I don't know for sure. It's what somebody else tells me. You know, I've not experienced it myself. have various people that I trust and care about that, you know, share those things. So when they were ready to go, they feel aft. And sometimes it's disturbing to see some of the things that the turmoil that some people go through as they're getting ready to die. They this inner strength that takes over their physical body, like this old frail gentleman, with bone cancer, had the strength, he just had to get out of there. I'm going home, he was determined he was coming out of his bed, it was all we could do to restrain him, you know, and his personality actually changed because he was so determined. He wasn't the meek, mild, kind, sweet gentleman. It wasn't that he was horrible. It was like he was going

You made up his mind isn't that more of our wheels. So incredible. You know, you said something really important. You're like, I think people have the power of free will to choose when they go ultimately. And that might not be conscious for a lot of people. But I will just want to bring that to the surface, because I think we forget the power of our will. And we forget that we have one of the gifts of being human is the freedom that comes with our freewill. And so that's powerful.

Well, one of the gentlemen that that I was telling you about that he was actively dying and came back, if that had happened several times, and he was somebody who had been through awful childhood, awful. And when he came into the hospice, and I was volunteering at that time, when he came into the hospice, with so many diseases, through lifestyle, you know, choices. When he died, he looked healthier than when he came in. And he lived almost a year longer than they expected. Why? Because he was cared for unconditionally. We met him where he was at, he was valued. He was like, all of his needs were it was the first time that he received unconditional love and non judgement for all the things that he had done. Wow. And that was life giving for us to watch. And for him.

Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful. I love the idea of life giving. And, you know, even though you might be at an end of life, you know, doula, there's so much that you give in that lot, those later stages of life, and what a beautiful gift to be able to do. And so, you know, I want to kind of wrap things up here now, because we're already at the end of our time. But, you know, obviously, spirit has called you to do this work, because it's not, it's not for the faint of heart, Beverly. But you have an extraordinary gift of strains in the work that you do. And so I'm curious to know, you know, as spirit continues to call you, what is one of the things that shows up for you fairly consistently, in the work that you do that spirit that maybe families don't know about? Or maybe people who are going into transition and death? Maybe they don't know about what is one thing that you could share that is really insightful about spirit, calling them at that time or in those later stages of the journey. So, you know, what do people say as aha was? What do people say in their end of life that maybe people don't know about that always kind of hits your heartstrings or hits the family's heartstrings.

I think that it's the presence of everybody coming together. Like that, that dedicated time together, everything else is plotted out. So they have that quality time together. Nothing's distracting. I mean, people have to go to work and so forth, but they become truly, truly present. Because of the awareness.

So it's presence. It's like you notice presence with people. I think that's huge. Because, you know, again, even despite some people who maybe can't be with their loved ones over COVID, and again, you know, nobody ever dies alone. We know there's all these energies that are there to, you know, to be present as well, but we're talking physical presence of the family. And I remember, actually, I have the puzzle put together in a frame in my daughter's bedroom. Because when my grandmother was passing, we would go and to be in palliative care. And we would actually be together even though she couldn't necessarily participate in what we were doing. We would make puzzles together. And we would be with her and she would tell us stories as we made the puzzles and lead share stories as we made the puzzles. But we were present there in that space. In that time, I wasn't thinking about the things I had to do. I was thinking about what a beautiful creation we were making together, even though my grandmother couldn't actually put a puzzle piece on the on the puzzle. Her presence was there, and we were present together. So I love that message. And I think I think the invitation for everyone listening is to not wait until those final stages of life to be present, but to be present in every moment, to allow ourselves to be present with each other, when we're with each other and nowhere else. And I think that's a really beautiful message to end on. Don't you think that really?

I do?

Amazing. So if somebody needs your services, where can they find you Beverly?

Well, the easiest way was just go onto the onto the web and and look up courageousgoodbyes.com

courageousgoodbye.com. Okay,

Yes. Which came to me in a dream.

Ah, see spirit. Spirit always calls .

Yes. Spirits. Yes. Absolutely. And even the picture on my website there is of space and it's a dying star came to me in a dream. And I found it on the way like, couldn't believe it comes from the telescope, the Hubble telescope, and had no idea that that's what it was about. So for me, I have all those little stories that kind of keep me going. So yes, there's, there's lots of information on there has my phone number on there. That is the easiest, fastest way to connect with me and learn a little bit more about myself and my journey.

Beautiful, courageousgoodbyes.com. And, you know, we didn't get even into exploring more of these stories when spirit called you, but I love that the actual name of your company and the images on the website already, you know, just to end things off to remind everybody, that spirit is always calling us. Can't wait to see you next time. Thank you so much, Beverley, for being here. So much love to you. We'll see what gets you.