Finding a Way to Love Ourselves and Be in Our Truth Even When the World May Not Understand

This is When Spirit Calls, and you on your journey are in the right place. This show is about magic miracles and meaning shared through stories, interviews and channeled messages. We have so much to share about who you are and your divine mission here on the earth. Let's get to it When Spirit Calls is right now.

Speaker 1 00:00:32

Please help me in welcoming our guests today, Michelle, and Kelly. Kelly is on a path to make big changes in the world by creating a safe space to open up about finances, mindset, struggles and more. Wealth is on top of mind for many people. But it's not just about money. Kelly helps people protect themselves and their families with the right financial strategy, helping families to get into better financial shape, helping parents to set their kids up for the future. And by providing strategies and educational content to help them learn for themselves.

Speaker 1 00:01:09

Michelle brings body mind and spirit together by having a strong and sympathetic Healing Touch. Having an acute sensitivity to the energies of the body, Michelle helps every body feel alive and rejuvenated with nurturing and nourishing touch. When the decision was made to redirect her energy into the pursuit of therapeutic touch, positive changes started to happen in Michelle's life. She has learned to listen to the body in a new way. And this has opened up her ability to study in the area of other holistic modalities. Together, Michelle and Kelly match their unique strategies into a beautiful compilation to help people along the spectrum of mind, body and spirit in order to achieve what is possible. Please welcome Michelle and Kelly.

Oh, hello, and welcome again to another episode of when Spirit calls. I am so excited today because we've got a double whammy. We've got both Kelly and Michelle with us today. And we're going to be diving into the theme of love and how to love ourselves out of find love all the pieces that intertwine in that. And this has been a really big theme for me as of late. Because I've been really moving through my own relationship with love and what that means for me. So I'm so excited to have Kelly and Michelle here. Hi.

Yeah.

Hello.

Oh, so happy to be with the two of you. And, you know, I know the audience got to know you a little bit in the BIOS. But I also want to share that I had the privilege of being at your wedding. And so you We go way back, we go way back from even our own experiences through life and transitions that we've all been through. So I want to start off by just asking that you share a bit of your story because you guys have been through some pretty significant, you know, transitions both physically and emotionally. And so I'd love to just give the audience a sense of of who's Kelly, who's Michelle and what you guys have been throughtogether.

Here's Michelle.

Oh, wow. Wow. Interesting that the first met Kelly. Actually I love story is quite amazing. started back in 2006. We met and we

Could not be together.

We couldn't be together. I was married to a lovely man who I'm still co parenting with and it's phenomenal. How well we still get along despite everything that happened. But Kelly, it was that love at first sight. It was that down on one knee kissing my hand. Saying Nice to meet you my lady. And

So cheesy. Right.

So easy. I know you think

I love the cheese. I'm searching cheese. I love the cheese.

So anyway, wow. I just saw something past life soul connection. And I was curious, and I continue to be curious for years until we finally got to be together and I like Kelly. Continued story.

We'll do the PG version. The book will be coming out in a few years. No. No, like I guess I came to Edmonton. I come from a small town. At the time when Michelle and I met. It was very different. So my voice was different. The way I looked was different And when I met Michelle Yeah, she was married. And I was, I was there with some friends slash someone that I was sort of dating. And it was just when I met her, yeah, I grabbed her hand, I kissed her hand, and I'm like, What the heck am I doing this is out of my norm, not something I've ever done before or have ever done since. So it was just, it was like an imprint right then in there. And we became really good friends, like the circle of friends, I was friends with her husband. And then they had separated and shoma got together. And then she wanted to go back to her husband. And I respected that enough that we separated life. And we did not talk for about a year in advance. And then it was a random Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, everybody in my phone. And then she responded, and I was like, Oh, hey, I remember her and we went for coffee. And there was some still some sparks. And then when she decided to make the decision to leave her husband, and I was like, oh my god, it can't be me. I am not relationship material. I'm kind of all over the place. I'm not commitment material. And, but we stay friends. And then she got dating someone and I dated several people. And still, it was at searching, you know, I was searching for something that to fulfill something that I was not giving myself. Yeah. And so we should have actually been in each other's lives, like three or four different times. But I was always dating someone or she was with someone. And it was timing. And then I was dating someone and I was they lived out of town and I was driving stupid long hours and putting myself in a position of going, I deserve better than this. The person was was was still a good person. But I deserve better than what I was allowing myself. And Michelle made the realization in her relationship to she deserved better than what she was putting herself through. Yeah. And then we came together. And she's like, I don't want to date anyone. And I'm like, into single, we need time to ourselves, and it just ended up. We were friends things things happen that could have destroyed a potential relationship. And I still said I love you enough to stay friends. And then we just said, started building that relationship. We started dating, like dating in our 40s. Like anything, not just okay, not just jumping into bed with each other. It was, you know what, I want to drive home, but I'll sleep on your couch? Yes. Not even in the same bed. It was like,

Wow

I want to get back to this.

And it was interesting, because I the one who actually asked Kelly, would you like to date? Normally, man, but it was how long was it? Before we went to Mexico? I asked you two weeks, two weeks before we left for Mexico. And we were going to just go to Mexico trends.

What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.

And yeah, and you know the part about us and getting married and you witness that and the beauty of Kelly sister, that's a story for another time. But just how spirit came in and accepting of our relationship together at that time.

I was a female.

Kelly was a female and I was needing a shell.

Still female.

Still female not wanting to be a man. But, you know, we were introduced after our wedding ceremony as partners.

Yeah.

And I know Kelly desperately wanted to be, you know, known as husband.

Yeah.

So this is kind of where I'll let Kelly kind of talk a little bit about, you know, what? Changed it for him and how our love has continued to grow? Yeah,

I think identity for anybody, whether it's as an individual coming into a relationship, what's your identity within the relationship? And it came down to a lot of labels. And yeah, we, Michelle, it always seemed me more masculine. And then it was, you know, she actually would call me he more back in the day than she doesn't know, which is really funny. But it came down to, I needed to own my own identity of who I was, I wasn't happy with certain aspects of my life. And Michelle just made the comment one time like, why don't you just become a man and I'm like, I can't and then wait a minute. It is kind of New Age stuff. Let's google some stuff. Don't agree to do that. That's scary. It stopped me from wanting to do anything for a little while. But because we have such open communication Jim Yeah, we really had to talk through it. But you still don't know what the ramifications could be going through a transition, whatever it is, if it's transitioning a career, if it's if it's transitioning to a new place to live, it is different. And we have a conversation of like, Michelle, like, I love you. But if you want to become a man, I wouldn't be able to be with you. Because my best self has been with a woman.

Right?

Where Michelle was like, it doesn't matter.

Right.

And she has the love of, of the soul of the Spirit. And it's not that I'm the it's not the physical love, but I just know, me better me being with a woman. So we've had to have those conversations.

Yeah.

And then it's starting the process of transition. It's there's a grieving process.

Right. Yeah, grieving grieving the feminine Kelly, you know, in many ways that at least physically, right.

Oh, and emotionally, mentally.

All the ways.

Yeah. Yeah. There is changes there, too. Yeah, that's a whole nother podcast.

Yeah.

I think the biggest thing was when people would meet us like, oh, Kelly, how's your transition? How are you? But we really started to notice how you, Michelle, nobody was really asking that. And we had to start doing that with each other. Like, how are you doing?

How are you doing today? Are we okay? You know, my first marriage was with a Dainese man, my son is, is mixed. And I was in a relationship with, you know, a minority at that time. And then I got into a relationship with a woman who was very out there lesbian. And I didn't feel comfortable in that, in that label at all. I was Michelle, that was loving a woman at that time in my life. And then, and then there's Kelly, who was a woman and then have transitioned into a man.

And typically a hybrid right now. It's okay, I can admit that.

Oh, yeah. Kelly, kind of like Kelly's a cross between what is it a werewolf and a vampire.

That's a whole nother

I would argue, I'd argue that Michelle has the best of both worlds.

Emotional, Kelly has the capacity to listen,

Sometimes

And not just go to his cave and communicate, because he's been in the feminine. And to understand what a woman goes through the way a woman gets treated. And the relationship Kelly went through, you know, seeing how women were treated and how he wanted better for the woman he's with.

Yeah.

And he never saw himself with a man. You know, I've never seen myself wanting to become a man. That's just No, you know, and I'm attracted to the soul, the spirit essence of the person. And right now I've chosen the essence of Kelly.

Yeah.

No label. No, man, no woman. No.

Doesn't matter.

Her. him? Yeah. Yeah, them. You know, it's just Kelly.

I love that. That's how you look at it, Michelle, because that's very much how I've been to so you know, I've been labeled as bisexual. And, you know, I don't love the labels either. Because I just love energy. I love people, I love their spirit, I love their soul. And to get to and wrapped in that, I find that it robs me of who I am. Because I'm a fluid being and I change and I shift and I follow where my heart wants me to go. And so I think that we've gotten really kind of hooked on the labels, as well as what things are supposed to look like, you know, yeah, okay, a marriage is a man and a woman. And that's what it looks like, or, you know, whatever that is, and I have fallen into the trap of conditioning to say, Okay, well, this is what's normal. And then if you're not in that box, then all of a sudden there ends up being this fear. Right? I want to ask you this question. Because for me, I was really afraid for me to come out and let people know that I also love women, and that I in a non traditional relationship, I'm in a committed one, but it's a fluid relationship in which we allow each other to be curious and explore. And I was really afraid to even say that to people because heaven forbid, they would judge me and condemn me and all the things that go with that. So how did you guys move through that? That process? And was that? Did you guys have some fear around that? Because I felt like you were so both of you were so courageous. Like as a witness. I remember even being at your wedding and being like, these two are so incredible, and they're so brave, and they're standing in their truth. And it was such an inspiration for me in where I was at because at that time I was leaving my husband You know, and I was moving through a lot of my emotions of whether or not I was gay or whether or not that that was a path for me. And so, you know, again, you guys inspired me with your bravery. And as part of why we're having this conversation even today, and so how did you guys move through that that fear, the ridicule whatever came around that?

I think for a while person lives in hiding, because they're not sure who they are. And we get conditioned that. And I hope my parents don't see this, but I hope they do. There was a time a comment was made. Remember, your last name is ours. So what you do reflects on us, and that hurt. But it also hit me that my parents also taught me to be aware of your surroundings. And then today, I turned it into Be aware of your audience. There are people that are going to be okay with it, and are going to people who are not going to be okay with it. But the biggest thing is, are you okay with it? And for me, it was I was just about respecting others.

Right.

So I wasn't always. Yeah, not necessarily using

Just it was more of them, not forcing my views on other people. If I'm with a woman, I'm with a woman, but if it makes you uncomfortable that I'm holding their hand. You know what, that's a that's a huge thing. You need to deal with that.

Yeah.

But anything above that I had people say, Please don't make out in front of my kids. I'm like, that's just a respect humanity thing. I just don't do that.

Yeah.

So yeah, I lived in I lived in fear of, you know, my parents and upsetting them and, and to degree, like, What would people think and I don't want to be looked down upon. And then I realized it was messing me up because I couldn't live my life.

Right? Yes.

And, you know, we do live in an ocean of motion, and it is energy. And what we do project will come back. So if we're living with ignorance and fear, we're going to bring that back.

Yeah.

To this day. I have never, and I will put this back out. I have never had a problem. With losses. There's been some situations that haven't been great. But I've also just, I don't put it in people's faces. Why does someone have to know who I'm sleeping less?

Yeah.

And who I prefer to be with? Yeah, let's the person I'm with should probably know. But other than that, it was like, you know, I bring a woman to a Christmas party. And you know, what, we just wouldn't maybe be so out there. But at the same time, public displays of affection. There's a time and a place.

Fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. I just think it's, you know, it's so beautiful to me again, when people stand in their truths. And I think that we're all on this discovery for our truth. And there's layers to our truths. You know, there's layers for me, you know, of like coming to terms with certain aspects of my being and what really fills my heart and what feels really authentic and true to me. And so what was true to me 10 years ago, might not be true to me today, as I peel back the layers, and I uncover more about who I am. And I really want to speak to those who are on that journey of like, who am I really, what is it that I really want? Because I think a lot of us are asking these questions right now, especially having gone through kind of the whole COVID You know, being in fight or flight and reevaluating our lives, right. And so I think it's just such a welcome opportunity for us to really ask ourselves, What is my truth? And am I living it? I'm living it.

And it's interesting, because when I first discovered who I was just very awful, as short as I can, here because I do tend to get a little long winded, just in my nature with my family. Anyway, when I discovered my love of not just the men, but the women in my life. I opened a can of worms, with my ex husband and that kind of worms. A lot, a lot of hurt. And it took a long time for me to open up about who I was, and I thought I loved women. However, as the years went by being with a woman, I realized when Kelly and I started dating, it wasn't about the woman. It was about the person.

Yeah.

And my first relationship, my spouse, he, he was, he was a reason. I had a beautiful child. I have a child that I would never, you know, want anything different than the beautiful 19 year old son that I have no, like, Roman is amazing. And whenever I look at his dad, I see that love and the love with that we shared and have been. And I knew that I couldn't give him 100% anymore. And it wasn't fair. He deserved to be with someone who could give him 100%. And so I left using the excuse that I wanted to be with a woman however, discovering it was about the person I was growing my vibration. Yeah, was going up. His was He enjoyed his friends any any had his, you know, fun time and I was just transitioning, you know,

He was happy where he was at. And Michelle just wanted more.

I wanted more for herself.

Yeah.

Yes, yes.

I thought it was about the gender I wanted to be with a woman I'm bisexual, although I'm a lesbian. And then I'm wake up person, and they're so out there. I'm so uncomfortable. That I'm like, No, I'm not. And then at times people say, Well, are you still attracted to man, I just I think they're very attractive. But if I said that in front of her, she would be very offended. I, you know. And so then deciding to come farther and to I was going to start dating men again, after I broke up with that. I was in that relationship for five years. And the last year of it. It was very rocky, it was like Friends with Benefits friends with benefits. And it just wasn't healthy. So we cut ties completely. You know, I wish her well love and light and blessings to her on her journey. And I had to cut cords, because that's how I had to show my love. Yeah, I deserve better. I needed to live my truth. My Truth wasn't being a lesbian. My Truth was being the Michelle.

Loving the spirit, the soul of the person. And that was my season with that second relationship. And I have my lifetime beside me, Kelly. And we are on such a journey. It's so beautiful. And I yeah, I'm so excited and to share anything anyone wants to talk about ask questions about, I'm willing to sit and talk. No question. I will not judge them. You know, that's where both Kelly and I come from? We're open books. Yeah, no,

I think that's, that's a testament to the quality of who you are as humans and also your relationship. Because, you know, I think that we get so wrapped up into seeking for love outside of ourselves. Right. And again, like you said, you loved yourself enough to have your own truth to honor your truth, whatever that was, right, Michelle, you know, it's like, yeah, well, I think I might want this and I think I might want this and what my truth yesterday is different than my truth today. Right? It's not right, we keep on covering the layers. But the point of this is, is that, that love is not found even outside of ourselves, even though you have the love of your life beside you. That love is an internal process. And when we can fall deeply in love with ourselves enough to say, what you are worth what you want in your life, then you get to have the love like you guys have.

It's so important to set a standard of what you want, and what you'd be willing to put up with. And not and as a relationship. Yes, read The Five Love Languages. That is a great book and know what your love languages and know what your partner's is. Whether it's a friendship, or a love ship. The most important thing is, we're not saying that, like, we've all gone maybe through several relationships, because you're trying to find something.

Yeah.

And then something doesn't last. And you start to think really horribly of yourself, or you start projecting it on the other people. Wow, this person was this and that person was that. And when I realized I was just, I'm going to be single forever. That's just the way it is. I'm not missing relationship material. But then I was also protecting that out. Right, and I had to realize, what are my good qualities and what are the qualities I'm looking for? And yeah, is our marriage perfect? No, it's perfectly imperfect. Because we have the struggles of, Hey, am I okay? Hey, I've gained weight. Hey, I miss you know, I'm tired. I go to bed and I'm sorry. I haven't talked in like three days because my head's just in business. Where are we at? We we have to person has to spend that time with each other and who you are 10 years ago. You should not be that same person in marriage.

Yes, we are meant to evolve which means that our relationship requires evolution to, I think what happens is we get in the relationship, we shift and change and the relationship starts to, you know, we start to separate a little bit or become mostly detached. But the reality is that if we kept coming back to the table to renegotiate, right, and that is such a powerful tool, I think in relationships that we often don't talk about, because I bet you you guys have renegotiate a lot in your relationship. I mean, Kelly, when you decided to become a man, you know, I'm sure you guys have had lots of discussions about Okay, are you okay with this? And what portions of this Are you okay with and what is it?

She really does not like hair, right? And I'm like,

And this is something

There's a reason I chose this path. And I need to get through what is it about hair that I don't like? What happened in the past life? Like, because if you you know, what, what's the trauma with that?

Yeah, yeah,

Yeah.

I'm in my first marriage with my husband, Lauren. I don't know if he's listening. But anyway, I haven't sent any anything nasty. Anyway, because he is a lovely person. He really is. I had a really hard time with the whiskers. And that's what I used to think maybe I want to be with a woman. Right, you know, when Kelly's clean shaven, it's so much nicer, you know, don't get the the women liked that. And I liked the look on him.

You know, it's, it's not thought.

So how well it's so brilliant, though, Michelle, that you're willing to be like, I don't like that. What is it about that? That really I don't like? And is that really? Like, do I really not like it? And Where's that coming from? And I think that a lot of people, you know, they just say, Oh, I don't I don't want that or I don't like that. But have they done the deeper digging? Because there's layers as we know, right?

I'm learning to love it.

Ah,

Like werewolf?

Yes, yeah. We can learn we can learn to love the things that we think we don't like at all. And I think that's a wonderful message today, too.

I think the biggest thing is we start to focus on what we don't like, what's not working, what's horrible. And then it starts to become bigger and bigger and bigger. And

It's like a snowball. Yeah,

We do in relationships with business, whatever. And when we really started to focus on okay, what is it I love about my partner? Okay, I don't like it when you do that. But voice it but voice it with a, hey, is there a way we can work around this? not point fingers not get angry?

Yeah.

And we need to be more curious with our lives, with who we are and how to evolve in a relationship. I think we just start surviving, and we forget to thrive, we forget to live.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, instead of just, I mean, I've done it, I started Netflix, things because that's my downtime. I want to relax, Michelle, this thing plays games on our phone. And then we look at each other. And I'm like, What are we doing?

Right? Yeah.

Let's, let's give it some time. But then maybe, let's go for a walk,

Let's come together. You know, I love that you shared that. Because my partner and I, the other night, you know, we're just going to zone out and put a show on and I said, you want to put a shirt on? Or should we call and talk? And he said, You know what, let's cuddle and talk. And it was so great, because we had such a beautiful conversation as a result of that. But how often are we feeling like we've got nothing left? So we zone out? You know, we just want to move on. Right? And so I think it happens a lot. And so it is a an invitation for our listeners, you know, how are you moving through your relationships, and I want to share this, that the quality of the relationship that you have with others, the quality of the relationship that you have with others, is a direct, it's a direct sign of the quality of the relationship you have with yourself. So it's an indicator for us. So if we are struggling in our relationships outside of ourselves, then that's a pretty good invitation for us to say, Oh, how's my relationship with me doing?

And that is the common denominator in it.

Right? Exactly. And so, again, this is about us taking personal power back or responsibility around, okay, I have a role to play in this too. And if things out here aren't looking so good, that's a really good mirror or indicator that I need to look inside. And so again, circling it back for people to look inward, to fall deeply in love with themselves again, and for them to recognize that it's that relationship that really should precede all other relationships. Because when we do that, we're showing up as our best selves. And you guys can attest to that because the more work that each of you has done individually has only strengthened your bond in your relationship. It's so beautiful

And we we Allow that with each other to go to you need to do your thing. You need to go do your thing, let's come back and talk about it. But allowing each other for growth, I think that was the most important thing and not having that fear that we're gonna grow apart, we're actually gonna grow closer together, and it's daily decisions

And trust. It's so important to have that trust. Yeah. And to know that we can go on our own separate path and grow and self development and then come together and what I learned today, what did you do today, and it just enriches the ripple effect, like Roman is seeing, the way we communicate. He's seeing ourselves develop and doing our own thing, and then coming together and having date night,

goof around and have fun water fights in the house. We make him clean it up.

It's so fun. And you know, you guys talked about, you know, knowing each other for a long time before you got to be together. And I really do believe that the greatest loves are well worth waiting for. And I am so glad that you both waited for each other, and, and allowed yourselves to love yourselves enough that you could come into the sacred union together. I am so grateful you guys took the time today. I wish we had more time but I do have to. I think we need to have some more conversations about love. For all of you listening if you guys loved our conversation today and you want to hear more about love. Give me a shout out let me know because I think it's a it's a really powerful theme. And I think myself having been a love addict and I I'm okay to admit that in my life. You know, like you don't you love the infatuation phase. It's amazing. A right I know, I know. I am such Yeah, I'm such a love addict. I love love and I tend to attract a lot of that. But that also also distracts me from my own love relationship with myself. Right and so again, what are you seeking outside of yourself that you can give yourself? Yeah.

Next podcast boundaries.

A I love it. Yes, indeed.

Boundaries.

Boundaries.

Love boundaries. I love it. Okay, you guys, you guys will be coming back. And and we will chat about that. Thank you so much. I know you guys are on the road. And I appreciate you taking this time to come to be with us today. I can't wait to have you back. And folks, we'll talk to you soon as we will have another episode and a couple weeks of when Spirit calls. Thanks for tuning in. Bye, everyone. Michelle and Kelly

Bye!