Keeping It Real - Dominic London

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for tuning in. You're listening to The Ultimate Coach podcast, a companion to the transformative book, The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan D. Thompson. Each conversation is designed to be a powerful wake up call, reminding us of what's possible for you, and your life. So if you're on a journey to expand your state of being, this podcast is for you.

Welcome back, my name is Phillipe Bartu to one of the three hosts of the podcast. And today I've been joined by Dominic London. Dominic, good to have you here. Hello, hello, Dominic, we've had a few conversations, and I'm just so inspired by who you are. I'm so excited to bring you on as a guest today. Every so often, I'll meet someone who has just an extraordinary story of whose life was really going in a very clear direction of harm, how could I say it from what I know of you are going in a direction of probably abusive substances and getting arrested and a life of being in a lot of hardship and crime and poverty. And you're today a successful High Performance Coach, you lead a community, you have multiple businesses, and a beautiful family of three, with three children. Dominic, your story has deeply touched me. And although we we don't have time to unpack the whole thing i i would like just to start just from you to just introduce yourself into into this group, and for the people who don't know you a little bit about your background and where you are now.

Thank you for that introduction. I was feeling into that. And I was thinking, Oh, sounds like an extraordinary guy. Um, yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. And we have had a few discussions that have been a blessing to my life as always. So who am I, my name is Dominic London, 37 years old, married to my wonderful wife, Jane, London, 13 years married to give her for this will be our second decade together, I believe this year. And I'm a serial entrepreneur, you know, and I am also a coach. And I love the life that I have currently created. And lucky, so to speak a little bit to kind of the journey. And I'll keep it as short as I can excite our real geek for me come in from a socio economically deprived, deprived background with drug addicted parents, to my own, you know, drug addiction and alcohol abuse in my teenage years to actually, you know, looking at 15 years behind bars. And that led to, you know, a traumatic mental breakdown. But that traumatic experience was and has been the catalyst for the most transformation, transformational journey of a lifetime that I've been on from then to now and continue to be on. So.

Yeah, just for for people who don't who don't know, you. And I only found out about this recently that you know, your father had been in prison. And that you just started out by discovering stem books. And just what was the very first book that you picked up that opened your mind to a new life that would be possible for you?

Well, that's a good question. And in actual fact, and not one book pops into my mind there was that there was a multiple number of books. And as I sat with that, as that kind of like was projected onto the desktop of my mind, and put that was present for me now that really kind of got me intrigued was actually a book by Brendon Burchard, called Life's golden ticket. When I first started out in this journey,

Oh, hello, you already picked up that book? Whoa, that's a good question.

I couldn't give you an accurate age, but it would have been at least off a decade ago. So

And I know you've went out you went on to do a lot of work with Brendan, and you leave the lead a community, which is really about high performance based on a lot of his teachings.

Yeah, absolutely. So I did so Brenda was one of those guys that kind of popped up on my radar in this in this you know, this this personal development space as a as a certified High Performance Coach, multiple New York Times bestselling author featured on Oprah and Success Magazine us, really. But how I found Brendon or stumbled across Brendon was in my search and YouTube, like just searching how to deal with depression, because at that time, I'd probably a good few years out of my breakdown, but I was still suffering with, you know, Agra phobia and panic attacks and just little deep chin. And so I, you know, I turned to the evening, they're like we will do and Brendan was one of those guys in a video and what struck me about Brisbane was these energy. Yeah. And I've like intrigued and kind of started following him from there. And then went on to eventually, you know, when I was looking at a qualification in the coaching industry, and explored all of the, the ones available, I did a bit of neuro linguistic programming and CBT, as well, complete behavioral therapy. And as I was looking at the different avenues to go down. And Brendan's just stood out to me as one that, you know, resonated with me and where I was at at that time. And so I invested that was my one of my first big investments as 10,000 for the qualification. Yeah, I've never looked back. So it's heavily influenced me, in regards to an on my journey to, you know, unlocking my infinite potential.

While I'm so proud to just for how far you've come from where you are now, the fact that we're having this conversation today also means that you know, you've been very much involved in bringing being into the world and and you're also a speaker in Birmingham, you'll be sharing the stage with with with some wonderful people, we'll be talking about that we can talk about that a little later on. What I would love to hear from you, though, is, I also know that you've kind of, I remember, say, Eli, you kind of step back a little from the Bing community and felt a little disconnected from it. And in a way, I just really appreciate the honesty of the authenticity that you brought in that conversation. And just wanted to get a bit more into into understanding what were his you know, how does being fit into all this in your journey?

Yes, so how does being fit into all of this and in my journey, so I think, some me it has is more my pursuit to, to find the best in the industry of what they do. So So back in 2018, when I actually 2017 When I actually realized that coaching was was was a profession. You know, I kind of worked through a lot of fears and ideas I had around what coaching was, and started hiring coaches for myself. When I made that decision, and I sat down with my wife and I said, I think this is something that I'm going to pursue and she kind of gave me the old boy, okay, well, you got my blessing sort of thing. I started hiring coaches. I started hiring high performance coaches that were part of my my original certification and community of alumni. And then I started expanding outside of that, and one of the guys I hired was a guy called Michael Sower. And I remember sitting with Michael, and I remember Michael kept talking about his coach Steve Hardison, his coach Steve Hardison, and at that moment in time based on who I was being, which is, almost when I look back, I'm like, wow, that how far you've come. But in even in that coaching session with him, all I was thinking at that time was, why am I sitting with you? Like, why am I here with you, if the guy that's the main guy that you'll go into is like, that's where that's why I'm inserted took the best, who's at the top of this mountain that I can spend time with, I can learn from I can be with and so it was early 218 is when even the name Steve Hardison came into my awareness. And it was my my pursuit of, you know, being around the best and learning from the best being coached by the best that that got me curious about Steve. Yeah, as I got to know who Steve was, I was introduced to this idea and this concept of being

Yeah, I mean, what I'm hearing there is this this unwavering pursuit of excellence, being a professional coach in developing and learning. How did you make that happen? From like, what what actually happened, then you you, at some point, you decided this is it? I want to I want to learn from the best and I want to learn from Steve.

Yeah, so I mean, I think it goes it goes way back to, you know, being homeless. When my first son was born 16 years ago, and really like this in a moment of despair thinking, how am I gonna? And you know, I know I'm born and I was born and put on the server To create a positive impact to make a positive change, I've always known that no matter what I've done in my life, or where I've been, I've always felt this compelling. Force this, like, you are chord, you know you that your life is special and, and so you know, when I was trying to even succeed in my business of like Plumbing and construction, I struggled for the first seven, eight years, it was hard, hard, hard work, you know, it drove my marriage apart. I was addicted to to work in. And then I kind of realized, or it came to my awareness. In fact, it was a guy that I'll reference him, I've never ever done anything with him, I've never bought a course of he's never really know what he's about. But it was this, this ad that popped up on Facebook, and it was a guy called Ty Lopez. And he said that he was given this talk, and he said, If working hard, you know, was the key to success, then every construction worker, every cleaner, every, you know, manual labor individual would would be a roaring success. And I don't know what it was. But at that moment in time, that message hit me. And I was like, okay, so don, working hard alone isn't gonna be enough. And anyway, I started pursuing, you know, mentorship and coaching at that time as well. And I realized from the growth I had experienced in my, in my previous business, that what truly accelerated me and got me to that level of like, financial success I was aspiring to at that time, was being around the best people being in masterminds, up leveling my network, whether that be, you know, paid or unpaid. So when I, when I started exploring this idea of coaching, I basically, it was fueled by real life experience of the power of being around the best and getting around the best. And so that's kind of that's where that motivation came from. It was alive in me based on the experience I'd already had in my other business. And I figured if I am going to shorten, however long this journey is going to be between me just deciding to be a coach and becoming recognized as you know, one of the world's best, which isn't even something that I'm connected to anymore from that place. So I want to be known as the best. But at that place, when I would be motivated, for me, it was it was very logical, and it made sense that I need to seek the best out, because I've experienced the power of that already. So yeah, that's kind of, I guess, where that desire was born from, from experience, from an experience of reaping the rewards of exercise in a discipline like that, in my previous business,

And you've Yeah, and you've, I can really also see the, like, there's a real power in that commitment that you made to yourself, and who you wanted yourself, or you saw yourself and you really stuck through it. So you know, I acknowledge you for that, because I know, it takes something to go to get to where you are today and everything you've been through. I also want to share a short story about how you appeared in my awareness. And this is, I think, no, no, many people may know this. So I'm gonna I want to share this because it really speaks to who you are to me. I was in London, and I had just come for the ultimate experience in London. And I was sharing an Airbnb with Casey and Rebecca halt. And it was the day before the event. And Casey was said, you know, it's a miracle that I'm here. So what do you mean? He said, Well, someone gifted me a ticket, someone paid for my flight to come here, someone that I'd never really had a conversation with someone that doesn't know me, they was just added out of the goodness of his heart. And I said, Wow, that's that's extraordinary. Who was that? He says, Well, the thing is, he said that I can't disclose who that is. It was just an act of benevolence. And generally not even an act of generosity was just, that's just what happened. And that got me very curious. And only a few days later, I found out that was Dominic London. And ever since I always saw dominate London as like, the this, just this really someone who has such a spirit of generosity. And I just want to just acknowledge you for, for what you did and for that gesture. And I also want you to know that when I heard that story, it actually also inspired me so much that I invited, I paid for someone's ticket to be there that that couldn't have been there that day. So I had a ripple effect on me and on that person. So I want you to know that as well.

Yeah, well, I really appreciate you sharing that. And reconnecting me to that. And also, you showed that there had a ripple effect on you. Some of the individuals that I had been called to take action, and exercise generosity, generosity and follow the nudge, have also reported many things that they've done in relation to being a recipient of that the time and how they've paid that forward multiple times. So that's the biggest most, I guess, heartwarming thing to hear from the whole thing. Yeah,

it's so inspiring. And it just makes you want to do more of that. And just to just to give you relief from just from without expecting anything in return.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think, yeah, you know, what comes to mind when when when you say that is, there was no expectation at all. And it was a pure act of service. Like, you know, according to my intuition, and my spirit,

And there were also,

I always add got so much from it, because my gift is in the given.

Yeah. Gosh, you know, I'm just being present to something. Dominique, in this conversation, just looking at my life, and just realizing that in the way, the way I was brought up, there was a lot of giving in my family is very, very generous. There was a lot of scissors, though, I would say there's a very spirit of generosity. But every single giving, there was an in order to, there was a reason for it. It wasn't just because, and I really realized how that was something that I had taken on. And whenever I was giving, it always had to come with a reason. Were an explanation and a justification as to why I even that's just something that I was so hardwired. And when I just give for no reason, just just to give. It's a different quality of giving in fat. It's that's actually giving. The other thing is in order to just just seeing this more deeply. How how can I live my life? Being someone who gives, without any agenda? The way you've demonstrated for us, so have you daily Dominic, that's, that's what I'm just I'm just really getting present to them.

It's a powerful idea and concept. And

And it's, you know, there's nothing like being a father, where you see, you know, the love the care, what you give for your child is just completely unconditional. And it comes with like it, it just comes with no agenda. in those in those relationships, it's easier for me to see in others I'm seeing that's yeah, that's that. That's a blind spot for me. And because not as giving financially, it's, it's giving our time giving our presence. Do they not care? Feeling like, you know, I'm a 15 month old, our son Oliver, one of the things that has happened is, you know, shifting from being a married couple with my wife, Christina and becoming a father. A lot of our conversations have been a bit a bit around, can you help me with this? Can you help me with that? And every time I asked that question, can you help me that's almost like, can you give me something? Can I? Or should I give you something in this hole? Can you help me and that's, it was just becoming, it just felt like there was a lot of taking, and a lot of neediness. And I noticed that, you know, even Mike, my wife and I were getting a little snappy and each other and and feeling like we're our needs are not being met to each of us are just giving and just giving so much. And when we dropped the whole giving, and just supporting each other, just shifting from how can we be supportive? How can we have a supportive environment? How can we create a supportive network for us both. We actually started to, to just completely move away from the beginning and just looked at just looked at our relationship as supporting each other. And we realized that man, it's been tough. It's like we've been in Switzerland, or the first and 14 months. And you know, that's the saying it takes a village to raise a child well, but Christina and I, we've we were at the village and we realized that we just didn't have the level of support that we wanted and feeling very high. slated, I'm just finding it really tough raising a child on top of everything going on. And so yeah, we are now speaking to you from Guatemala, we have decided to come here from the winter and with with her whole family. And my whole body has just feel the feeling so relaxed. And what I've really discovered is just the ability to, to just also receive and being taken care of. And feeling like I've been the caretaker for this whole time from Christina for my son, and just feeling like that's been. It's also just allowing myself just to receive all the help and the support. And you know, we have a village here, and it's, it's so beautiful. So I just wanted to share that because it's just what's really present in my heart in this conversation right now.

Now, I appreciate the sheer, I will just be in with it.

Our design that look like in your family, the giving the taking, how does that? What does it look like? How does that look like in your marriage?

The first thing that comes to mind is the idea of expectations. And I'm not sure how much is related, but it's was present for me after just being with the story that you were sharing as it relates to give in versus supporting and helping and for me, it looks like expressing one's truth and being honest about one's needs. And being open to the possibility that your partner may not actually be able to honor or support those needs. And that, for me, is what I've learned of most recent.

Yeah. And I really appreciate what you're bringing there in the word honesty and expressing it in an honest way. And when I say that you've discovered in your relationship when you're really able to do that and create an express things in an honest way. And and not be living in expectations was and really beings being for each other? What what does that look like for you?

Well, for me personally, what what that looks like is a kind of open multiple folders for me. So one of them is actually first analyzing what my needs are prior to making a request or an invitation to my wife. And what that helps me realize is where it's actually coming from. And and am I in? Am I doing? Is it something that I'm want from a selfish point of view? Or is it something that I want this in service of my wife and our marriage, but there was a deeper layer to that. And that was the fact that I realized that of recent, my wife and I have felt disconnected. And then I realized that actually, there's nothing my wife needs to do. There's nothing that she actually can do. In order for me to choose who I need to be to love her fully serve her fully. And through that love and through that service. The connection that I felt I needed, is there constantly

As much as profound

A choice on my part,

It's a choice of dropping the expectation of her needing to be any different or behaving differently than she is right now in any gowns. Absolutely.

Under that under that the light of that that totally for me shines a light on my judgments I have about my wife my secret

Oh, yeah. Not so much in absolute state of non resistance and acceptance. Yeah. And then began to deal with it in a way that's that's just effective and not in a way that's connected. Even if there's you know, that way you can be connected way. I love that. I love that this has been also just one of your hatches so and I find that so inspiring. And at the same time, such a such a challenge at times and both this morning. This is just fresh, like five at five o'clock this morning. So usually our son wakes up at six and this morning at five he's awake. My wife is like Can you can you like take him out for a walk? So I usually take him for a walk at six when he was five and this morning I just I was just really didn't want to deal it and just wanted to stay in bed. And so I said to her I was in a SIM in my half sleeve. I said, Oh, I'll take him at 530. And I kind of negotiated with her. And I said, you know, can you take until then? And she didn't feel supported. And she took him at 530. You know, she came over and gave them to me. And we're kind of bickering this morning. And she was like, Yeah, I didn't, I didn't appreciate that I didn't feel supported. And I realized that was just and what you said, is I was this about my needs, or was it about, you know, the greater good for, you know, for the family. And just seeing that, you know, just making a clear commitment to who I want to be and and the, you know, that just see, it's really, for my rest is important for the good of our whole family. And that there are a lot of things I had going on today. And if I'm not if I'm not well and rested, that I really needed that that extra half an hour. Yeah, and then just making a request. So this morning, and I just, you know, realized, like behind every complaint is just a need that hasn't been expressed. So I said to her, Hey, I'd like to make a request. I'll take Oliver at 530 in the morning, but before 530, please let me sleep. And and I explained why. And I asked her if that would be if that was supportive. And she then apologized and realized that she herself was just exhausted and had a rough night. And just what what what happened in that conversation is we came back just to a place of connection, and compassion, and care, and supported. And then she was like, I'm tired of you putting all your shit everywhere. And why'd you wake up in the morning? Why does it take you so long to just find your shoes? And then she was like, complaining towards me. I was like, Hey, do you want to make a request? She's like, Yes, I do. I was like, Alright, what's your request? Why request that you have everything prepared the night before? So that when you wake up, you can, you know, you're, you know, you have things ready. And then I was like, you know, I can do that. I could do that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that out. And so it just became an agreement, but I'm like, Yeah, okay, I'm gonna prepare everything. So in the morning, I can be a little more effective. And I'm not running around looking for my keys. So it's just, it's just such a, it's such a simple thing. But it's so powerful. Because when when you sit from just having unmet expectations, all yours, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment over and over and over again. And what you're saying here is just so simple. And it's such a beautiful reminder, for me in the way I want to create, in all my relationships.

Absolutely.

How does that play out with your kids?

More specifically, what do you mean?

Yeah, like, what? What would be, you know, when you say you want to, you know, look at your own needs, look at the expectations that you have, in in the way that you relate to your kids. Remind me, how old are your kids?

So my oldest boy is 16. Mom and girl, my middle school is 15. And my youngest boy is Chevron.

Okay, so you got you got two teenagers. Right? So a lot of parents are dealing with, you know, rebellious teenagers, and they're starting to have their own mind of their own. And, and so I'm curious here, how does dominate London? Approach fatherhood with that with with two teenagers in the house? Like when? And how do you? How are you creating agreements with them? And what have you discovered? What, what's working for you what's not working?

It's funny, because one of the biggest challenges I've had in this whole journey, as a father of teenagers is actually an issue of unexpressed expectations with my eldest son. So I can speak to that, and there'll be so much data in that I'm sure. So for example, I could have answered that maybe four months ago differently, but where we're at now is my eldest son doesn't actually live at home anymore. He's only 16. So what I realized was, was that I wasn't doing a great job of connecting with my truth, and having the courage to share that with my eldest son. And what that led to was a massive disconnect between me and my oldest son, and eventually led to him make In a decision to move in with his with his Nan, my mother in law and surely lives a mile away. So he's not he's not far. And that was all that that all in my opinion came about from the expectations I had hold of him that he was unaware of. And my my lack of I wouldn't say lack of, but my, yeah, my lack of courage in connecting with the truth of why I was holding back as it relates to cultivating a more deeper connection with my son, which was more aligned with how I anticipated, you know, because I have these ideas and these judgments that, yeah, you know, I'm not going to have that. I'm not creating that that reality of a cliche, is just the teenager, he's going to do this, she's going to do that, and actually been experiencing that. But what was most profound for me was the, the small hidden judgments that I had. And the fear I had in expressing those to him.

If he gives me an example of one of those hidden judgments that you are afraid to express,

So for example, our relationship was, you know, we weren't as connected. And he, he's got his first love of his life. And we live in southeast London. And these are his girlfriend that he met at the BRIT School, which is a performance performing arts school. She lives in Finchley, which is like, an hour and 15 minutes away via via London Transport. And so it got to the stage where he was staying out late. And then I was creating an agreement with him. So for example, he was at that teenage stage where he's like, why, but why, but why, but why? And so I was very mindful that I wanted to give the reasons why. Because one of the things I realized that the reason I didn't want to give out a why as a parent is because actually, I hadn't spent much time thinking about it. And when I did when I connected to the real way, it wouldn't be great to share with my children.

What is the real why that would be great to share? Well,

Exactly, I mean, I can't think of anything now. But But this may have, I think, where we go and we'll kind of shine a light on one of those real pains. And then I think, because often time it sounds childish, or you realize that you actually you're creating an idea, or a reality that doesn't exist, you're just creating it is that based on your past experiences, or based on what your mother and father may have, you know, done with you. So for example, when a child says, When my son's like, Why do I have to not play computer anymore. And I'm like, now, when I start processing this, I'm like, well, because you need to do your homework, and spending time on the game isn't, you know, isn't spending too much time on the games and good for your mind. And, you know, start connecting to all these ideas I have as to why. And if you share them, share them with teenagers, the amazing thing is, is that they actually can pull up studies and start getting in a debate with you to actually prove that that's just the theory. And there's no facts in this being right. So you end up in any is that our data actually is a study done by the University of blah, blah, and it says actually playing game has been linked to more creativity in a hierarchy. And it's louder, what do I say to that, so they just started getting into a dialogue. It's kind of like, we realize, oh, this is gonna be a big for, and actually a lot a lot in learning to let go. And learning to to be at peace, we've kind of what is but kind of back back to where I was originally going. That even shares an example with as a minor example, one that comes to mind is, so my son started coming back later and later now he's 16 years old. And traveling across London at certain times of the evening is not regarded as, you know, the safest thing to do as a as a minor. And so he started pushing the limit, as it looks on. I expect you about home for 10pm on a school night, and nothing is so fair, compared to you know, what the average parent would allow the child to do that. And he said, why? And I said, well, because I struggled to sleep when you're not in the house. Your mama was asleep when you're not in the house. And you know, we worry about me, worry about me. And when you come in, you might wake up my sister and you might disturb the household. And it's we feel it's not fair on the house. So that's why it would be really appreciate if you could honor the agreement, and you can see that, you know, that's why and so he says, Yeah, sure. All right, I get it. But a few weeks pass and he comes in there and he comes in he only comes in one. And now when I talk about being honest, we've self and sometimes it's all Most embarrassing now when I, when I connect to Well, why is that an issue slowly? Well, it's an issue because it hurts my heart the fact that my son's not honoring an agreement with me, it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me makes me feel like he doesn't respect me. It becomes very Yes, exactly. Exactly. Comes personal. And the idea of communicating some of those things with him is like, Oh, I don't want I don't want him to know that. And I had one, you know, and and all these other creations come up, he's gonna realize maybe he has a power that that, you know, he doesn't know he has yet. And actually, I think the deeper truth and the deeper fear was realizing that, well, actually, nobody can tell me what to do anymore. Now I could actually do what I want. And there's no real consequence. And the fear of who will my son choose to be if he realizes this way? Or that we've tried to create that? You listen to what your mom and dad says, otherwise, there'll be consequences and inactions, there aren't a tangible consequences that he can see. And will that lead to him disrespecting us? Will that lead to him making choices that are going to impact his life negatively and, and you just really, for me, this whole process, and what I've gone through to my son is I'm really shone the light on a being that exists, that is like, people to admit, you know,

Thank you for. So that was a very vulnerable share. So, you know, thank you for saying that I and I really feel your care for your son, and how you really want the best for him. And I am also hearing him in your story. There's a question that comes to me. And it's like, if I don't have power and control, will my son still want to hang out with me?

Yeah, and I think for me, so what happened was how we actually decided to move out of the house was, it was like, the fifth time. And I had come home, a broken agreement, you know, well, maybe more than that. But what it was is that I was very frustrated with, so and this is what was needed. And at this time, so it was really peak in my disconnect with my wife. And we just, we just went into the the absolute, most loving beings in this world. And we ignored each other for a week. And so we was in this like, ignoring each other for a week, like right where you are, right? That's that all right. I mean, and my and obviously, with the children are in the middle of this. But if I take control in my house, or if I'm the point of contact for the agreements, I find that what my children would do, like most children would do is I'll go to mum, so rather than rather than coming back to dad, and renegotiating the agreement, if I go to mom who's a little more lenient, and I guess her and that they need any contact, I can create an agreement with mom, that somehow overrides the original agreement, I had rich dad. And so I was experiencing this all at a time, and me and my wife was really not seeing eye to eye. And then I'd come back, I was coming back. Late I was I was really just like, throwing myself into work. And so I was like, I'll utilize this time as an excuse not didn't present at home. So I'm just going to, you know, do some admin and push myself and make some money, bury myself in work. And so I had come home on I think it was a Friday, it was a Friday, actually, and this is after a few times, I had been frustrated. See, I was I didn't express this. Well, I was frustrated that like my son now was dealing with my wife and my wife was not communicating with me. And, and it just felt so destroyed. So when I when I'd went home on on the Friday, it was midnight and saw when in the house and I came in with with a rob a disruptive energy, because I've created all these judgments and expectations. And I'm like, Where's where's my son? And my wife's 100 Wow, oh, he's not here. And I'm like, okay, so I phoned him. I said, Hey, Sam, where are you? And he's like, I'm on the box. And I'm like, Yeah, I can hear you on the bus. But where are you wishing eta? He said, always 1:20am. And I just hung up on him. As is hung up on him or so. So livid. And I went to sat in the bedroom, and I've missed Jim. And I said, Son, He messaged me, he said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, there was bus diversions, etc, etc. And I said, Listen, so I was sitting there, and I'm furious. Because I'm thinking, are really there's nothing I can do or say anymore to control this kid. And it goes back to that fear that you then you kind of picked up on or or at least something you saw in that. And so I said to him, Well, I made the decision. You're not well, you're not coming home tonight. So you're not coming back home at that time. You're not walking through this door at home at 1:20am. And so I said, you can go to your Nan's house. So he said, All right, no problem. And so I proceeded to message him and say, and then he said, I'll message you when I get to man's house. And in my being at that moment in time I'm being asked I'm being frustrated. And being that you know what? This is unfair. So I switched him. And I said to him, Son, don't bother messaging me when you get to nantel. Because one, I'm going to keep in over two, if anything happens to you, there is nothing I can do about it, because you've chosen to be out of reach. So I trust you'll get to men safely. And that was that. So clearly, you can even hear in the energy of the message where I was at that particular moment in this exchange. And so the next day he woke up, and he messaged us, and he said, Oh, I think I'm going to stay at men's house. And then a because my wife and I was in such discord. She went into straight blame mode. And then he created more confusion in the house. And this is just a real life story and a real exploration and why kind of brings me to his this point. See, when I was pondering on what was creating that disconnect between me and my son, it was, it was the fact that I felt like, Why doesn't my son want to spend time with me? Why? Why doesn't my son admire me? Like I like I thought you would? Why doesn't he care enough to to honor our agreements? You know? And, and I actually was, I was aware of an inner dialogue that was kind of very vague. I was like, I know, I'm not going to ask him to connect with him, because I'm his dad. And he should want to connect with me. And, and, you know, I feel, I feel like, he should want to connect with me. And actually, when I dug deeper, there was a fear of rejection. Like, what if I go to my son and say, Son, I miss you. I want to spend time with you. I want to rekindle our relationship. And he says, No, I'm not interested, Dad.

You heard me it would be the most vulnerable and emotionally intimate thing to do. Yes. Yeah. And yet the scariest in some way?

Well, for me, it definitely was the scariest and and really, what, what I realized was, you know, kind of all we're here again, in our feet, one of the things that leads me about, you know, my journey as it relates to personal mastery. And, you know, even even since being introduced to being is that like, it is a moment to moment thing. And the moment that I feel or I create the illusion that I am, I've surpassed this. Yeah,

Like on this thing. I have achieved mastery.

Yeah, you know, I don't feel betrayal anymore. And in this, there's something that happens in life. Do I have that roundabout, come right around and go? Hello, Mr. London, how are we today and your lap. But you know, what the most amazing thing was born from that was that I learned so much about myself. And, you know, I reconnected with my son. You know, we went out for the weekend. And I had the most amazing heart to heart where we were shared so openly and so vulnerably, and I was nervous sharing, because I was just worried that my his idea of who I am is going to change and I was sharing with him. Now I'm 37 years young, and I'm just a big kid. And you might see me as your dad, or you might have ideas of who I am or who I pretended to be to kind of mold you a certain way. But son, I'm Mom, I'm vulnerable. I'm scared. I'm scared to even have this conversation with you. And but I love you so much. And I don't ever want you to you know, figure I don't. And I can learn a lot in regards to how I show up towards you how open I am to you. And it just led to the most amazing, powerful, open vulnerable conversation between father and son. You know, and he's decided he's still going to state his nuns. And you know what the sad truth is, or kind of hurts my heart is that actually is working better without him in the house?

Yeah, well, that's, in a way, that's only a problem, when you have an expectation that it should be different. Exactly,

Exactly. I mean, there really isn't the worries of what are other people going to think.

And then the I mean, I can imagine the judgments coming up like, Oh, how I failed as a father, if I'm not being first pick, and yeah, so, you know, I want to really just acknowledge the vulnerability that you shared in that story, how you also just made it real for us. And a lot of the times, you know, when we're speaking to just conversations with people that are very, very successful and at the top of their games, it's rare that they will open up in the way that you have and just really given invited us to see what it's like to Yeah, what really goes on in your house and what you've been dealing with and how you've been went from being frustrated and pissed off, and fearful to just being really graceful, graceful and that sad at times It takes courage it takes heart. And that to me is inspiring. And you are. Yeah. Being an example. For for your son. So thank you for sharing that story. I'm moved by the way you shared it.

No, thank you for noticing. And thank you for creating it that way. We'll be sure then.

So before we we complete this conversation, I did say I was just going to come back to Birmingham, and the ultimate experience in Birmingham that's happening next year. Can you share a little bit more about what that is? Who is it for? What's it and what's going on?

No, I mean, it's funny because the whole T V 24. And the event and who's it's for and what's going on?

The slowdown is you said T u. b e 24. Well, those of people who've never heard that before, what is that? So

TTU the ultimate experience Birmingham, there is there are some events that have been born and inspired by Steve Hardison, the old Makossa coach had being the original one was Judy Pearson, and Arizona and Matt Smith caught a vision to create an ultimate experience event, which was, which is an event based on being and experienced in the magnificence of who you are. In my words, and now there was a there was one that was that has taken place in India. And now, there is another one scheduled a being event, which is an event to add an invitation to two individuals to experience not to know intellectually, but to experience the power of being and the magnificence of who they truly be. And yeah, there's there's another event coming up. And Matt Evans caught a vision. And he just spoke that into the world. And it's in creation as we speak. And

It's a very bold vision, and a stadium of up to 1500 people bringing people from, from all over. Where can people go to find out more about them, or, you know, purchase a ticket,

Not a thing. So it will be the 25th and the 26th of May, next year. And my recommendation is to go direct to the website, which is t u, Tango, uniform hyphen, B, B E, hyphen, 20 four.com. And everything they could want to know, any links they may need, is all available on the website. Yeah, the vision is massive. The vision is big. And also, like every other being event. Nobody is being paid to be there. Everybody that's part of creating this event, the amazing speakers, the amazing individuals that are you know, working as part of the team to create this event, everyone is going is investing their time for free. And one of the visions is also to raise 100,000 pound for a special charity, which is special to Matt Evans, as it relates to the Birmingham Children's Hospital. And there's a department that install cochlear implants. And Matt's wonderful daughter was actually a simpleton as she was born deaf, and they they perform these procedures where they gift hearing to children. And so, you know, one of the the aims of this event is to actually raise 100,000 and gift it to this amazing charity. What

A great cause what a great event. Thank you for sharing that. And for those that want to connect with you know more about you and what you're up to what's what's the best way they can do that.

You also at current, just if you're on Facebook, just look me up under my name. Dominic London, add me as a friend message me on Instagram at Life Coach Don. Yeah, follow me there. Reach out and love to connect.

Well, beautiful. Thank you, Dominique. Thank you so much for this conversation. Is there anything you want to share before we complete today?

Just my gratitude for you the invitation to this space, my gratitude for the conversation we've just had. Yeah, that's that's pretty much it. Just deeply grateful for you and anyone that may listen to this podcast. And I would invite anybody that does listen to this to listen to it with their heart and open listening. You can be open to be inspired, or experienced in seeing himself in a different way.

Dominate London. Thank you so much. Thanks for listening, my pleasure.

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for joining us today. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this conversation, please share this episode Whitlam. Your recommendation might just be the encouragement someone needs. Also, check out www dot being movement.com that's being movement spelt all together, you'll find real valuable resources or links to connect to an engaging and just a wonderfully supportive community. Together, we can inspire and support each other on the path to a greater understanding of be it. Until next time, take care and be kind to yourself