Creating The Future From The Future - Darren Farfan

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Hello, and good day My name is Philippe Bartu and for this episode of The Ultimate Coach Podcast. I am being joined by Darren Farfan. I've been practicing pronouncing his name. He has got one of the most beautiful accents. I love listening to him talk all the way from Trinidad and Tobago. Byron is someone who, how would I describe him as someone who is a man with such a big heart, generosity, kindness, and resilience. What's interesting about Ferran about Darren is he is part of JP Morgan's group of the Creator circle. And one of the things that he does is he leaves groups of 10 to 12 people for a year long program, where they get to create the space so that the ideas and the dreams they have in their head become reality in 12 months. So that's where we get to speak to today. And this is going to be a conversation about creation. One of the things that came up when I'm speaking to Darren about the ultimate coach book is he was really loving chapter 27, which is all about creation. So in today's episode, we're going to be exploring, creation, and more specifically, what does it mean to create, when we create we either create from the past, or we create the future, from the future. And as the context through which we're going to be having this conversation with. So Darren, thank you so much for joining us,

Philip, my brother, I'm going to bring the accent strong here, fear. Thank you so much for having me on your show. Thank you so much for doing this. In general, it's such a gift and so generous of you. It's an outpouring of service from your heart. And I for one, just want to thank you for the work you're doing, and the service you're providing to the community and to everyone who listens. So thank you for having me.

Oh, thank you for saying that. And you know, I feel like where this is the one of the topics that I'm really, really excited to explore with you. And you know, to me, the ultimate coach is really a book about accessing freedom, self expression, and the ability to show up in the world. And however, way you want to show up as going to be powerful to deal with things powerfully. And that's what some of the things that I have access through reading this book. And yeah, I want to start with just hearing a little bit more about what's what would you like to share around this idea of creating from the past and creating the future from the future? Oh, man,

what a great topic to explore with you because I know that we have had a couple opportunities to speak. And each time has been a rich experience of discovery of being and I just I just love your space, you create the strong container of love and support and I know that can it opens me up I know so I can I can catch myself talking a lot but I hope you can help me to guide me right so feel free to interrupt if I'm talking too much. But for me, and it's this is my personal experience is having experienced for myself, the being a victim of my past and my circumstance but experiencing that in the now and not even realizing it. So looking at my story and being in my story in such a way that disempowers me in this moment and actually cuts off my access to creating cuts off my access to at least create Seeing more intentionally the vision and the higher achievement that I want in the world, you know, right. So a lot of my personal story has been overcoming and transcending. And I know it's a, it's a human story, it's just a personal story. But, you know, I consider myself a Phoenix, you know, burning up in the ashes and then recreating myself. And for me, that the learning has been that even when I'm not aware of it, some of these aspects of my story of my being, is still tethered to the past. And with the help of my family, and coaches, they, I've been working with JP Morgan for four or five years now. And he's really helped me to hold me hold a mirror to this way of being that is, you know, kind of trapped in victimhood and transcending that and continuing to choose freedom to choose to liberate myself to be able to create the future that I know, in my heart is possible.

I'd love to just hear about that. The future that you know, in your heart and as possible, like, what does that looked like for you? Yeah,

as I've seen that as, like, got a little bit of a jolt of electricity shooting through and say, you know, first of all, it just the permission to dream. Yeah. And I've seen this with my clients as well as like, sometimes you feel you literally have to give yourself the space and I use the word permission, right? It's like the permission to dream and to dream big. And to allow the desires of your heart to arise into your consciousness. You know, and, and, and let that go without restriction. Think I've heard of. I think it's Gay Hendricks talks about the upper limit problem, you know, like, we have this tendency to hold ourselves back or to to sabotage ourselves. And I'm gonna set for myself as they are. Am I allowed to dream that big? You know, do I really want a yacht? Out in the Caribbean? Like living three months of the year cruising the oceans? Yeah, I would love

that. Why not? Yeah, so so so with a full permission to dream like what what does that look like for you? Having a yacht is that is would that be a dream for you?

Yeah, I mean, I laughed at it but it's I grew up on a boat you know, I my both my parents were sailors. I grew up on the sea many months of the year. Yeah, I'm I'm a surfer. I have salt in my blood. You know, I have salt water in my blood. So I there's something about being on a boat. Out in the ocean, especially a sailboat. Right? You cut the engines and you're just with the elements. And but for me, it's also just like, the adventure, the mystery, the discovery, it's all these things that that I feel are there in my being and being on a boat is a dream for me. And you know, obviously, family now my wife loves the the luxuries not.

And I get that. And I'm also going to say to you that that feels kind of small. When you say being on a boat is a dream. I think that being on a boat is part of a bigger dream, which I'm hearing is actually living on a boat and having an adventurous life on a boat.

Yeah, I think I don't know about living on the boat, but definitely

a lot of spending a lot of time on a boat, right? Having that having access to a boat and

but for what you Yes, so that's what it is. Right? So you said that the adventurous life. So I created a story that, you know, I got married fairly young, I was 2425 I think I was 25 when I got married, had my first kid that year, then had three kids in three, three years, four years. So it was really fast. And I became I was now establishing myself as a professional and so financially it's been always this just above water, just you know money and then you know, feeding these these mouths now and taking on these new responsibilities. And I fell into kind of trap of okay, just, you know, I have to be this employee and earn this amount of money and sacrifice some of the things that I had wanted as a younger person or dreamt that was possible. And you know, so I felt I felt and I fell into that. And now coming into this new phase of the power to create the freedom to dream and to create what I dream, you know, has opened up this new desire to to adventure and not just me though, like with my wife with my kids, having these family experiences and and Being able to show them this world, this wonderful world is awesome, will have experiences and beauty and, and cultures. And so I have that strong desire, not just for me, but for them too. And that that, yeah, you're right, that boat represents the freedom to do that. And it speaks to that desire for adventure for the ability and the financial ability to give my family as much experience as I can. So, thank you for that.

Yeah, I'm enrolled in your vision. I, I'm already there, and I can vision you and I just really want that for you there. And, gosh. So, you know, whenever we speak to our dreams, the it's often met with the question, how, how do we do that? And so we're often looking, if this is what I want to create, what do I need to do? Now? And I know that, for me, that's been the place where I have I guess, I haven't been looking in a way that was helpful for me, because a lot of times when I want to create something, I just look well, okay, what do I need to do? The county, and then that's where I would get stuck. And I know from, from the conversations that we've had, and it's this is really about, who do you need to be, so that you can be the father that is adventurous and takes his family? On a life of adventure that includes spending time every year living on boats and discovering the world together as a family? Yeah. Yeah,

that's a great point for that. I think that the doing is partly programmed, you know, it's programmed into us that that's the way to create and the world is in a doo doo doo doo more to crime. This idea? No, when you think about it, though, it's like doing really, like knowing what to do, or thinking I know what to do really comes from the past. Right? Talking about being unclear. And it's like, you have to rely on knowledge from what you've experienced in the past. And what do you have made that meet? In The Now? Right? Yeah. What Yeah. Is what you're pointing to is getting access to something that you have not experienced before? Like, when did you know that doesn't exist in your awareness yet? How do you do that is recreating your being in such a way that you start to access new ways of seeing and new ideas about what you couldn't do?

So I love I love that we have a specific example here. How does that look like for you to recreate your being for this to be a possibility for you? Hmm. For me,

well, I told you like I was in this employee mindset from much of my life, I've had a few entrepreneurial adventures, and but mainly, my experience has been this being an employee and climbing the ladder of success, if you call it that. So I had a beautiful time, I got to what I would say the pinnacle of my career was working in KPMG, which is a big four consulting firm. And I had created this idea, this is my dream job. But in my heart, I knew that wasn't true. Right as like, there was something else calling to me. I wanted to serve as a coach. And also I wanted to serve independently. But I was terrified. Philip was terrified of Tiki and that's of independence of, of what they call it, the golden, something golden handcuffs, right. It's like the safety of that the perceived safety. And I just knew that I had this calling to serve at a higher level. But my being was not in alignment with the vision that I had and who I was being I was being a good employee. I was being afraid I was being small in my in my I was being tethered, literally tethered. And it was horrific experience and rendering. So, you know, part of part of my work with John at the beginning was, first of all, trusting myself enough to dream to believe and to start taking those steps that would carry me to what I wanted, you know, to, to step into being a coach step into being a businessman step into being an entrepreneur. And for me, it I needed I needed OT, I needed Sofia.

And I think what I'm also hearing is stepping out of not being what you know yourself to be see more? Well, you have an identity of who you are as a consultant, as an employee, and as what's possible for you, when you are being that identity. But stepping into a coach, it's almost like, you've never known what that is, you've never known what it's like to be actually self employed. So it's, for me, it's like, rather than it being stepping into a coach or something, it's actually stepping out of what is known. Right, and stepping in to the possibility of discovering something new. Rather than stepping into the certainty of knowing what it's going to be like, as a coach, for example. Does that resonate? Of course, yes. Because because it would be it wouldn't be difficult if you just stepped out into being a coach, right? That would be like, oh, yeah, that's, but it's stepping out of the perceived safety and security. Yes, of whatever financial safety and security you have, as an employee, to deal with the reality of life and having a family to feed and a wife to provide for. And all of that, that. That remains that requires a tremendous amount of courage that that, quite frankly, few people have the courage to, to do that, or even consider that as a possibility for them.

Yes, thank you for that. Philip. It's

so true, anything, that's why this is about freedom from, from what is known. And this is why what I what happens is, for many years has no matter how successful you are. You knew that in a way, you weren't living your dream. You and so you were settling. And it was about saying no to a settled life, saying no to being settled to settling for something that isn't honoring the truth of your heart and what wants to be expressed through you. That's the wow, that's that's who I see you being in that moment. Thank you honoring honoring your heart. Yes.

Yes. Yes. That resonates really, really strongly with me deeply, too. I mean, we are, you know, they say, fear of the unknown is the greatest fears. It's, it's right what you're seeing. It's like, it's less the fear of the unknown. But it's the fear of leaving the unknown.

Yeah, it's the fear of leaving the Baron. Yes. That's yeah, that's it. That's it.

And, you know, when you guys took on this persona of duty, and my, you know, I took it serious, this, this idea that I had to provide for my family, I still do, but it's a different energy these days, you know, it's, it's more coming from a loving desire to provide and to provide more, versus this idea that, like I was, you know, duty bound and obligated or something I had to do. And that's tied to this idea of, no, it's irresponsible to leave the known, and the security and the safety of this job and the salary and, and move, you know, move towards my desire. It's irresponsible selfish for me to do that. And, you know, quite honestly, sometimes my wife reflected that to me. She felt that, you know, and I think, oh, yeah, I think there were there were times when it was true. saying, I'm willing to just throw it all the way. I can't stand it anymore. You know, and that's

not. And also sound selfish isn't a very popular word. There's a lot of negative connotation around selfish, but actually, selfish is a requirement because you are taking a stand for a possibility for you a greater possibility for you and your family. And so even though they may not see that it is, in a way, it is selfish, but in a good way.

I hear what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. I guess For me, when I hear that, it's like, because I hold my kids, my wife, my family, I, you know, my, my dreams, so close to me who I am. And I just know that the more I lean into love, the more I lean into what I'm loving, then, you know, it might seem selfish to the world of my wife. But you know, I know that this is coming from, you know, we can go there in this group, I think it's like spiritual, it's like, this is this is God's will,

for me. And I like, yeah, yes, yes. Good.

Yeah, it's my will align with divine will. That's right. That's when you know, like, you know, the area. You were feeling something there.

Oh, this is something that this distinction between selfless and selfish, that's that I'm just seeing in your story is actually, it's the other way around. Actually, it sound when you're selfish, you are honoring your own agenda. Your selfless, you are honoring a greater agenda.

I love that, you know, how I relate to it a lot is selfish, with a common S. is, is selfish. It's like my own limited desires without consideration of others. That's, you know, that's selfish. But selfish with a capital S is alignment with the greater self with the highest self. Right and acting from that place, despite the conditioning or the, you know, the fears that that come up. That is alignment with the true self. And that is that's powerful.

Yeah, yeah. I love that.

And then I think to what you're pointing to is this transcendent of all idea of self is selfless. It's just like, I'm, I'm a vessel, I'm a vessel into the garden, or the vein, whatever it is, it's like, how's it seeing the Bible? It's like, speak to me, Lord, I'm listening. Oh, yeah. Here's your servant, tell me what to do. That's a posture that I quite frequently take. It's like, I know that I have common air selfish tendencies. And I know that I can be straight by, you know, my, my pride and my greed sometimes. And, you know, like, there's, there's this, there's this risk that I know that I can fall into color temptation, if you want. But, you know, it's like, recognizing that and just being surrendered and opened to something greater to help you through that. And to help you to see clearly what it is, there's going to be the highest good. Right, beyond your, your limited idea of what's right. What's wrong. What's Yeah. greater, greater, right. You know,

so actually, you know, when when you when you're saying that, what, what occurs to me is in the field of creation, there's this idea of you being creating this amazing life with your family of adventure and everything. If how does that fit in? Were aligning with the capital S, with the greater good, huh? Whoo, I

love that question. It's interesting, as you were speaking, what came up for me was right now my primary focus is educating my children, to the best of my ability, and not just not just academic education, but educating them in a way that they are. They have the knowledge, the experience, the self knowledge, the insight, that that they can be a powerful contribution to community to society. That's been a primary orientation for me and my wife for many years. Right now, that looks like a university education. And we, we committed to educating them outside of Trinidad and Tobago, outside of the Caribbean, in the US and Europe, to give them that exposure and access to something different, I wouldn't say better or worse when I mean, I think that there are aspects of the foreign education is better than what we can provide here. But more than more than that, it's just the exposure to something different because we can we can become very small minded if we stay within this region, you know, kind of insulated so I wanted to give them that. That is a huge financial stretch for me to do that, right. Oh, it was it is. And I didn't think it possible. But I miss knew that if I If I stayed faithful to what was in my heart, if I stayed in faith, that I would, the path would emerge, if I just took one step at a time, that it would be possible, I just knew that. And I committed to that I spoke that to them, I made a promise to them that I would enable that opportunity for them. And that felt terrifying, because the last thing I want to do is disappoint my children. You know, and I just made that promise to them, and to myself, with the faith that I would create it, I would create it. And at that time, I wasn't making any US dollars at all. I wasn't, you know, I was barely making enough to cover the bills here in Trinidad. And so I couldn't see how it was possible, I just knew that I wanted that. And I was going to align with, with what I felt was true. And what God wanted was that they are healthy, happy. And I'm making a positive contribution, like loving as much as they can. And to me that meant getting the broadest education that they could get. And but more than that, feeling the loving support, and seeing their parents go beyond themselves to provide that for them, so that they could believe that that's also possible for them.

So you're really being an example for them? Yes, by creating a possibility, and breaking through your own limitations as an example of what's possible for that. Absolutely. And maybe, as you say, that maybe the biggest learning for your kids is not what they get from university. But seeing you break through your own limitations, and awaking up that possibility for them. Absolutely for that.

And you know, as I'm saying that and you reflecting back to me, when I decided to leave KPMG, like finally decided, you know, the final final final decision. Because it was ongoing, right? When I actually said, This is it, I'm taking the stand, I'm stepping off the ledge into this new being of being a full time coach and consultant, I knew that I had to have my family understand, or at least I just wanted to be truthful to them. So before I spoke to my boss, the night before I gathered the family around, and I sat down and I told them what I was doing, and why. And you know, you reflect on that, to me, it's it's, that's true, I really just knew that I wanted them to witness somebody transcending their fearful self, to transcending the programmed self transcending the someone who had created themselves. And listen, this was a deliberate creation to be a consultant with KPMG. Like, it didn't come naturally. Right. You know, but But I, but I do understand what you're saying. And I did experience it, where it became comfortable. It became like, Oh, I got this, you know, I can be good at this, I can actually climb the ladder, if I'm willing to do this, this this. And that was terrifying to me, because I just knew it wasn't me. And I literally sat with my kids looking them in the face and saying, I cannot do that anymore. And what I'm seeing now from what you're reflecting is like, I did that. And I said that for them. So that they didn't believe that they had to do that for themselves. So they could create from their hearts from dead. Their vision. Yeah. And it was hard. My daughter looked at me, she said, Dad, how you going to do that? She was studying economics. And he said, Don't you know that the economy is in a recession? Like, how are we going to eat? And I was like, How do I answer that? Because I have no idea. But I just know, I'm going to do it, you know?

How did you answer that?

With commitment, just say, I'm going to make it happen. I know it will work out. And, you know, I also use the opportunity because JP Morgan at that time also was around that time he was doing a series called Creating in captivity. And it was it was about Yeah, just kind of bucking the, the mass hypnosis of believing and then getting enrolled in the fearful messages that are coming through from friends, family media, right. It's just a bombardment. And so I was like, Listen, what you're saying is true, only if you believe it. Right and more All people are believing it. And that's why it seems as though things are going in that direction. But that does not mean that is necessarily true for you. And for me what is true is what I declare, and I am going to thrive as a personal coach. I am going to succeed financially with my own business. And they started to feel that and realizing, you know, like, that means that that means that and, and, you know, my son was he's a man of very little words. So he is gone was like, Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, because you're just like, yeah, because why not? Speak it? Do it? Yeah,

yeah. With this sharing. And there's two things, there's like the permission to dream. But then there's also the permission to share your dream. I have found that there have been people with whom I feel really inspired to share my dreams with and other people. When I feel my dream is met with a lot of resistance of their own. And I found myself being more intentional with who I share my dream with. And I'm wondering, how does that play out in terms of creation? And how do you see that?

Wow, that's a great question. I love that question. And just, I'm just so curious for you, right? So yeah. Because you're, you're somebody who is, is permission, your being is permission to speak. I know this from our previous conversations, right? So like, in your space, I feel very free liberated to just share. But for you, I'm curious,

what do you what do you experience in people that has you feel comfortable for you to share your dream your visions? Well, when I feel they want what's best for me and a sense of encouragement than it does feel, if first of all, if you're vulnerable, to share a dream, when it is when you don't have an answer to how to other than through commitment, certainty, and dedication and declaration. So one of the things that I declared for myself is that I am creating the possibility to transform the world do transformational work with hospitality leaders around the world. And my background is hospitality. And I've had some, you know, I just had a burnout from trying to look good, you know, being too committed to looking good and always pleasing, when I was a professional people pleaser, I kind of joke about that. And, and so I want to, I want to come back to the hotel industry and create a new possibility, a new way of being a new way of leading a new way of being hospitality actually being. And when I speak that into the world. To give you an example, I said something, saying something like that to my brother, for example. And he was really challenged by that. And he said, Well, I'll, you know, my, or, for example, my father, I wouldn't say something, but he would say so they hold your horses. That's one of the one of the things. So hold your horses, it's like Don't, don't don't, don't speak anything into the future. Tell me once it's done. And actually, in my old family is kind of lives by that. And it's offset. It's kind of like this humility to, you know, not declare anything. So I've held back in in the way I share and what I share. And I'm wondering if that holding back is if that is wisdom, or if that is also holding back on my own self expression. Huh?

Isn't that the question? Right? How do I know what's divine wisdom or my own wisdom versus my selfish desires? That's that's such a an interesting one. How do you how do you feel into that?

Well, it reminds me of you know, one or the other. I rewatched. One of this amazing movie Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah, have you watched it? There's the there was a time when He was, what's the lead singers name? I just had a blank out.

He just put me on his bio like, queen, right? Yeah. Yeah. Freddie Mercury, Freddie Mercury. Yes,

yes. And he was just a guarantee he was just starting out as a singer. And he has such confidence. And he just knew that he was made for greatness. Yes. And when I see that, I can recognize that, not only in myself, but in everyone. Many it is about and he, you know, in his dad was kind of, like, similar to in the story, you know, he was very much like, you know, giving him advice on how to live his life. And he was just, yes, exactly. Have good thoughts. Good. Something, there's some things that he just said to like, Yeah, how's that working out for you dad? Ran that was that was his way of, of dealing with it. But I'm really I'm coming to you without knowing. You know, I'm just being curious with that question. And I'm just really interested to hear what's your perspective on that, not that there's a right or wrong way. But I would love I would love to hear Darren's perspective on this.

Well, let me let me mirror something to you, you told me about your vision, and right to lead and be a leader in this hospitality industry. And, and you were very specific. And in your being you felt very clean and certain. And from a heart of service, it hit me when you asked and I tease yourself, I don't know anybody in five star industry, you know,

in five star hospitality. But

it resonated so much that your declaration and your ask that I something occurred to me, they actually I know the vice president of a local it's like a we call it quits a governmental organization, they, they have two hotels in their portfolio that they manage. And I thought to myself, I would love to introduce Philip to the VP of hotels in Trinidad here. So there is something about the way you share that influences and creates in the person. Right. And that's not as much the words but the being, we're being in that declaration of, of your vision. And I'm also being very specific here. Like it's not just about sharing, but it's about asking for what you want to Yeah, yeah. And I think you said it, there's, there's this idea of, of just confidence of knowing of certainty, right? That inoculates yourself from

really does, it really does, yes. Because, of course, there's the story of who am I to coach this person. And that story, even though it's there, I don't need to big myself up and create a better story or to make myself worthy or anything, all I can do is, is just notice it, and be present with it. And not let it be anything that gets in the way from the certainty in the knowing and the commitment that I have with myself and with what I want to create in the world. Yeah. Thank you for you know, mirroring that back to me.

Yeah, you know, one of my teachers mentor, she told me that, don't share your vision, don't share your desires and your creations. Because people's energy becomes envious. And you know, it can it can be repercussions.

Yeah, my wife, my wife tells me that,

yeah, right. You know, and I'm like, that is so strange. Like, it doesn't feel true to me. That might happen, but their jealousy or their, you know, their negativity, if I am grounded in my truth, it doesn't affect me. It can't, you know, my energy is clean. And it's and, and I will take a look, I want to be I want to be humble enough to take feedback, right? But I also know that my path is my path and nobody could understand it the way I understand it, you know, my vision is mine. And the more I can be in that and be certain and not certain about how but certain that that is going to be manifest in the world and that I can step into being that that creates that vision then, yeah, say what do you want? because it's only until I believe what you're saying that it's going to make a difference. Yeah.

You know what, as, as you say that what I'm noticing is it's already happening. I'm already having conversations that are making a difference in the lives of hospitality leaders. That's actually happening. As we speak, it's something that is happening. And, and that's, that came through commitment. But it really came through the declaration first. Yes. And yeah, that's, that's, that's really the power of self creation.

Really, is really, so let's talk about that. Because that GE, JP Morgan, really opened my eyes to this power of declaration. Right. And, you know, it's something that we teach in creating the business that I'm in with JP. And I know, it's very big in, you know, Steve's world. I think JP got a lot from of his understanding of this and practices through Steve's teaching and mentoring. So it's, um, it's a practice that I have taken on, and it took me a little while to really get the power and the, I would say, the commitment to the practice of it, not just, Well, every so often, I'll speak at all, like, when I really in tune with something I want, I'm going to create myself to be that, you know, it's like, no, it's this is a, this is the daily practice. This is a continuous practice of declaring my state of being and self creation, as you said, self creation, self creation, everyday, every moment really is an opportunity.

And I'm not sure how

deep that goes into the, into this in the book, I think it speaks about this in the document creation. But for me, the origin of these declarations comes from these places of fear, and disbelief, or on useful beliefs. Like literally being attuned and aware of these stories that we're telling ourselves from the past that we're bringing into the present, that are actually tethering us to a way of being that's not going to take us to what we want, but just continue to create more of what we have created than any past. Yeah. So I'm being attuned to those things, and then creating freedom from them. That is the key. Creating freedom from those beliefs from those judgments about yourself arrived on and believed yourself.

Yeah. And then, yeah, and limitations that you have that some of them may not even appear to be judgments. Some of them maybe may here to be strengths. Yes, still a limitation. I think, judgment, we have a very strong words, that it's really an identity of something that looks permanent around your personality around who you think you are. And when that looks permanent, it's a limitation, even though it's a strength.

That's such a great point. I think that that happens, because these things, these ideas about ourselves, they are a lot of them are coping mechanisms, right? Or defense mechanisms that we've used to travel through difficult situations or, you know, difficult circumstances. So we have, then we navigate through them, and we're like, oh, wow, that works. So that means you know, that that's going to work again in the future. And you're right, it can be any strength can become a liability, you know, in that sense, because you're no longer facing our situation. You've transcended that, but you're holding on to that way of being because it's safe, or it creates a sense of safety.

I want to share a story around that. No, in an eight I understand that, the way Steve Hardison, does it is through declarations and also practice and and I know that that's been really powerful for him and and with the work you've been doing with JP and at the same time, I also recognize that there are sometimes just it can just also be real simple shifts. That isn't necessarily that doesn't necessarily come from this need to have a practice. So I can I want to speak to that as well. I have just recently I was in conversation with a client who came To me, and she said, I really want to work on my negotiation skills. And she had a new business that she was wanting to get the licensing fee for, or for Switzerland. And so she had, she wanted to go in there, and she wants to uplevel, her negotiation skills. Now I could have spent an hour working on her negotiation skills, helped her get better at negotiating. But it occurred to me that that's not that wouldn't there'll be something more helpful than that? And so often, when we when we want to get something, what we look at is, what's missing? So what do I need to add? What skills what knowledge? What know? How do I need to add in order to get something, but what we genuinely don't look at is, what do we already have? what's already there. And so getting rid of the idea, and the notion that we need to add something allows us to let that go, the notion that we need to add something and look at what's here. Then as we started exploring that, and we weren't at her level of being she had a lot of ideas around the idea that she needed to be a good negotiator. Because that's what business is about. And if you don't know how to negotiate, you don't know how to do business. And so all of these stories started coming up for her. And I said, Well, what if you just could be yourself? And she was kind of confused by that question. As we explored, we kind of got deeper and we created and she actually helped, I helped her create herself, to be fun, playful and courageous. So she was a possibility for fun, playful and courageous. And now all of a sudden, there was a complete shift in her being. So the thing she was dreading the most having to negotiate was something she was bringing an energy of fun, playful and courageous. Now, the interesting thing is, we never spoke about how to use strategies or what to do. But through her sift and being she went and spent the day with this business associate, who came to Switzerland, she took her out for lunch, and a beautiful hotel, and everything went great. She was being fun, she was being playful, there was no, she was just being herself. And when the they ordered dessert, she had kind of made this special kind of tailor made cake. And she had ordered some candles. And she had an idea in her head of what she wanted to pay for this licensing fee. That was 88,888. And she had five candles with the number eight. She put each candle in the cake. And when the end of that time when she was just with her partner, instead of negotiating. She said, This is what I'm willing to pay. And then she had a lighter. And he just smiled. And he just couldn't say no. And he just said to her, Well, that's wonderful. See, lit up the five candles, they have a glass of champagne together and celebrated. And the whole thing was negotiation free. She was fun. She was playful. She was courageous. And what happened after that is on Osijek he said to her, hey, you know, I came here today. And I promised myself, I'm not going to go under 100,000. But the way you presented that I just couldn't say that.

I love that story. Filler. That's so powerful and beautiful. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah, just as a tangent that when you said 800 was that

888 888,888.

So for some reason, yesterday, I saw these those numbers, apparently with some kind of Lions Gate, something on the other energetic portal. I don't know exactly. But those numbers popped into my awareness yesterday. And I was interesting when you said that. But I love that story. And you're right is so right. I've grappled with this myself. By the way. I come from a background of studying three principles. And even before that I do I have a practice of meditation, the personal meditation, and I became very enthralled in the idea of surrender. So I studied David Hawkins, Dr. David Hawkins his book, his books in power versus force and letting go the pathway to surrender this type of thing. spend hours watching his videos and learning and practicing surrender and letting go and You know, verpassen is the observation, the economists observation of phenomena. And I love that path. I love it. It's it's so beautiful to be in peace, you know, just to create peace through those things through practices and, and those techniques. And I got to a point there was like, but how do I, how do I actually create the big dream? How do I how do I move forward? To actually create this thing that feels like it's, it's possible, but I don't know how, you know, like, Who do I need to be? Do I just need to be surrendered and trusting God and like, just do what my intuition tells me. I mean, that sounds great. I didn't have much success. Because because I kept falling back into patterns of my old self, my past, right. And I kept seeing evidence that those beliefs I had about myself were true, because the people in my life had, they were mirroring back to me my old beliefs, and you know, like, how I created myself in them was being mirrored back to me. So how do I transcend this? How do I, it took me a while to realize that actually, it was something that Steve said, Steve said, if you want to create a piece drop story, if you want to produce, create story, and that just

clicked. Yeah, you got to think

I get it, I get it. It's like, let me drop the stories that haven't me feel like shit, and have me feel as empowered. I can drop that and drop into peace and love, tune into the desires of my heart, tune into my vision, and then declare myself as a way of being is a being that creates that, that has that already. Yeah,

that's the truth. Yes. And you're creating from a foundation of peace? Yes. From a foundation of power and possibility. Yes. I love that. And I have spent like you a lot of time surrendering, and letting go of story, and finding myself in this beautiful space of peace. But my creation was a mess. I wasn't creating intentionally, I was just kind of allowing surrendering and seeing what gets created. And it was it was I mean, it wasn't bad. But I say it was messy, because there was no real and there was mystery and wonder and and, you know, it was it was a wonderful time. But I got more interested in actually creating what I want to create, and less interested in surrender, surrendering to the mystery and see where life leads to.

Well, there's both and isn't it?

I think it's if you're less than I'm more interested in and less interesting than, you know. So it's like, for me, it's like, where I want to put my attention and my growth is into moving in the Space of Creation. Yes. And that's yes. And this is what oh, this is what this book The Ultimate coach has opened. It opened me up to an understanding and a possibility for creation. Yes, for creating story, and the document is definitely a way to access that.

It's one week. Yeah,

it's one way. And I also want to say it's one way. And it's, it's certainly not the only way, but it is one way and like everything, it's I also think the document isn't something that necessarily works for everyone. And that's just my opinion. And I may be wrong about that. But I also feel that it's important for people to give it a try. And actually not even give it a try. I actually think that if you do something with absolute conviction, that's it. Yeah. Then it will work.

Yeah, I think I think you're right. I know you're right, in that. I remember the TVO MIT NFL, right that the essence of that video for me years and years ago saw that as like wow. Commitment creates, you know, and that has been a journey of learning really what it means how to be committed. Yeah, how to be so committed like this. This document people when they say document, I don't use that term, but I get it like it's okay. It's a dog given, but to me, it's a living document, right? It's like literally, declaration of being that I declare, in this moment. off the page. More in my internal experience. Yeah, yeah, close my eyes, I say the words, but I'm looking in my mind's eye, at images of me being that thing. You know, I'm, I'm experiencing in my body, a context where I'm being that, and I'm seeing the effect of that being occur in real time in my, in my experience.

So I feel that, yeah, and

you're point to point, everybody's got to walk their path and do what feels and works. Right. So I don't know if it's a case of people not doing it right, or I don't know, it's, I've seen that words with inverted commas. But, you know, I think that if people spent time reflecting on being the thing that they want, yeah, that's going to have an impact on their experience. And that's going to govern how they see the world. And that's going to impact on the action taking, and not just impact on the actions in but the quality of that action. And that's what to me, this book is about is creating through that intentionality. And through through the truth of your being,

what a beautiful conversation is like Time has flown and flown by in your presence. And we are already reaching the end of our time together. So I wanted to, yeah, just take a moment. Yeah, thank you for sharing all your sharings I'm really going to, this is what I want to listen to again, I feel like there's there's something more for me to hear and to see here. So thank you for Yeah, for sharing all that. And I wanted to ask you, if there's anything you would like to share, before we complete this conversation today.

Just my pure gratitude, Phillip for you, in particular, your presence, your honesty, your sincerity, you're such an awesome host, and conversationalist a really enjoy being in your space and having these conversations with you. This is yeah, this is probably the best one yet we've had and we've had a few. So thank you for the opportunity to reflect and to self create myself in those reflections. Thank you for your reflections of me and who I am for you. But also just thank you for, again, this work that you're doing and sharing these insights and helping others to share their insights. And just as a community, it's such a beautiful thing to be part of and to witness and to grow with growth through. So thanks to us to Steve to the whole crew that is, you know, behind the scenes making things happen. My heartfelt gratitude to

like thank you for saying that, because yeah, there are a lot of people that are putting in work and hours and volunteering their time for this podcast to be alive. And guess I want to particularly have a shout out to Evans department who's really the one who's bringing all this together and who is putting a lot of a lot of time in into this and Michelle as well, who's also doing a lot of editing. And so yeah, I just wanted to thank them and acknowledge them for the great work that they're doing. There and how can people get in touch with you if they want to learn more about you or feel inspired to connect with you?

Phil for the very first thing that comes to mind is we are part of a group called we are creating the company is called Creating So our website is we are creating.com You can come and check us out. It's JP is the founder of creating champion there. And you know if anybody just wants to remodel by this available, but to get to know me, I would love you guys to reach out. I'm on social media. I'm in the the ultimate coach Facebook group, so feel free to look me up there on Facebook. I'm also on Instagram, and coming soon. www dot Deron farfan.com The eight hour en F AR F n.com. I've never had a website but since we spoke, the desire is born and it will be done. So awesome.

Yeah, awesome. Well, thank you all so all of you that have tuned in today and listened and if there's anything that you've heard around creation, any insights that you've had both you know Darren and I always love hearing back from what people get out of these conversations. So please do feel free to reach out, share, connect, and let us know what you have heard. Darren, it's been a joy. Thank you once again, I wish you well and I excited for the possibility of you living the dream with your family. I am I have this beautiful image of you on a boat with your family. And I would love to join you on one of those boats one day.

Yes, I love that. Thank you for saying that. I just saw us doing that. So it's gonna be great. And just to let you know that I am on Friday, I'm heading into the Mediterranean to spend a week on a luxury yachts with my beautiful bride, my wife of 23 years. We're taking an extraordinary holiday to be together celebrating our love for one another and our achievements and our dreams.

So that's so beautiful. That's so inspiring and say you are already creating. It's already in the works. Yep, it is happening.

So thank you everyone for tuning in across space and time. Really appreciate your presence here. And again, thanks to you and the team must love

much love to you, Dan, thank you.