Choosing Love over Anger - Fari Gonzaque

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being. And your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit theultimateCoachbook.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from Being.

All right, I'm so happy to have you here again. Thank you. Yeah. You know, we recorded some months ago for the ultimate coach podcast, and I just observed that you have transformed so much that that interview would not do you proper justice. So we have to begin again.

Perfect, thank you. Thank you for recognizing the difference.

And yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's like, so it's like been a whole year since the ultimate coach book came out. Did you originally read it last December? Or when were you introduced to the book?

No, no, I? Actually, yes, you right, I did read it. I was introduced to the book by, I don't know her last name, but of her person was Philippi. And we were together in other group with rich lipid. And she told me about the possibility of coming to writing with Steve Hardison, from Arizona to Santa Monica, in Los Angeles, and she lives in Sweden. So she said, Yes, I'm reading this book. And I've heard name of Steve Hardison from rich lived in a couple of times. And then when she says, she's going to travel with him to come back. And I said to her, why would you do that? Why, what's so important about this? You know, and she goes, No, he's got a, he's written this book, and I've read the book, and before it comes out, and she's taught me about all of that, and, and then she just because I really need to travel with him to come, you know, I'm gonna get more of him. And to my head, my very judgmental head. I just said, Well, who's this big shot? Steve Harvey said that they just want to drive with him. 10 hours, I was nuts, you know. But when she said she got the book, and I was into reading all the books that everybody was saying, you know, and at that time, I had read for the second time, the book of Byron, Katie, and loving what is our thought? I want to read this book. So once they said the book was out, I think I saw it on I don't remember probably on Facebook that a demo came out. I got it on my Kindle. And I started reading it. And it's amazing that from minute one, I read it. I never read it about who Steve Hardison is, as I was reading it, I just felt is kind of like it's written about me, my misery, my difficulties. My growing up, like when they're talking about what is going on in his household when he's a kid, with his mother and all of that. And I said, God, this sounds so much like me, except my father was not another an alcoholic guy. But it was a tough guy. And you know, and I took all of that in as mine as me and my story, you know, and soon after I saw, Oh, they're having a Facebook group. And this guy, Eric law firm is doing a Facebook and I said, what he said, I'll join anyway, I think the first day I saw it, I said, I joined, what the heck kind of thing you know. And I did join. And I read, and I watched the Facebook things coming out. And I read, and I watched the Facebook coming out and it kept on going on with me. And every time I read, and I just watched something in Facebook, it resonated more and more and more. And then you realize, it's like when you go and eat somewhere a very tasty food and said, I want to go back to the same place and have the same food. And that was for me, I kept on reading the one. I'm really badly ADHD. So it's very hard for me to write. It's very hard for me to focus. I was reading the chapters and then I'm reading it. Oh, yeah, it's brilliant. And then all of a sudden, I see my mouth is reading but my brain is like in Zimbabwe. Be a summary, some called somewhere else. Just, hey, come back. So I had to read one paragraph very many times, it's hard for me to focus, you know. So that was my story. And that's how I got into it. And it's been most life changing. As you said, you saw the change. When we did the first interview, I hadn't grasped the potential that this book can have an on the individual, I was still busy having the pity party for me when this interview did oh, this poor me how she has to suffer for everything that has happened in life. And this caused me especially it was the end of the pandemics. I was shocked what was happening to me with, with my work with my everything, you know, so yes, it was a massive shift.

So, since we spoke, then what was the what helped you to come out of the woe is me and make it a Whoa, it's me.

I'm really, I must say, the one that made me really comprehend everything and take your bleach, go in my heart and soul and grasp it. It was a great help that Eric platform did to me. And for me, you know, and I understood lots of it parts in a better way. It became more tangible for my heart and soul ever since, because I'm a coach. And I was trying to help others. But I needed a business coach, to take me in a right road of a business. Being a fitness trainer for 30 years, and a life coach, I never had to advertise for me, it advertised for me, I never spent a dime advertising. My job might be in in the middle of a gym, my personality advertised for me. But now I'm out of the gym, and I'm behind the computer. And I need a lot of learning to do. And that was another thing that had depress me because pewter itself is a language of its own. So not only English is my second language, not only in the fitness world, and the coaching that I did, which was separate from the computer. Now I'm adding this on and it was like my ADHD brain was freezing. And it caused me a quite a bit of a depression and fear. That will I be able to make it like how I made it when I was in the middle of it. And that was for me like a step back. But really, Eric love and when I hired him as my coach, which I'm so pleased, that was a great step I did. Eric helped me to see the book and feel the book in the most tangible way that I would have never been able to do it by myself. And that's why I felt like that real me finally, you know, how was the discovered discovered got free to add me. It's like my wings came out. And I could fly. And I've been flying ever since.

So what I'm hearing you say is like you really discovered that your personality can be translated in social media. Just as well as it is in person. Like it doesn't diminish your, your beautiful personality to be behind a computer screen.

Oh, thank you for saying that. You know? Yes, I just I was always exactly like what I am today. But the computer frightened me so bad. I went like I got frightened. I'm a black belt in Taekwondo. So I am trained not to be afraid when I'm out there. You know, bad I saw the media as this monster, that I have no idea how to fight it. I can slap somebody on the face. I can kick somebody I can. Truthfully, I've done it in the past. I can punch someone because I'm trained how to do it. But I wasn't trained how to deal with this monster which is called Media computer, Instagram, all of that. I went to my shell I hid badly and miserably. And it was like I had one I had and it was peeking out to see like What's weird? what's what? Oh, let nobody see me, you know, and I went back into my shop, you know, but I feel like I was born again. Within the immense help that I got from my precious Eric, so he's my child, his dishonor. I've never.

So what what? Was there a particular part of the book that he guided you to? Or is? What was it that? Yeah, he can do the fierce section on fear?

Would you need to be to recognize your fear or deal with your fear? And I remember the sentence exactly. I don't have the book with me to read it. Who do you need to be to face your fear or release your fear something like this? I don't want to go in the book and just say something that I don't know. It was, it was like that, and is dealing with the fear and the judgment.

Let's talk about that,

you know, and the judgment, like I judged myself immensely, and because I was so fearful, I started judging everybody else. And I said, Why do they say that? Why do they do that? You know, these two were the one that I got another idea and life like, wow, I've been judging myself and others.

And not that it's gone completely, right. Because like, it's a process.

Listen, if somebody says, I'm completely free of judgment, you better know they're full of bullshit. My best English music. Not true. You listen, here I am yesterday. And the other thing that Neville said yesterday, before, yesterday morning, I was talking with had the pleasure of having a call with Steve Harvey center. And the way he was just talking to me about whatever we were talking about, with the way he was so loving. And he said about the story of love that it has to be love about everybody in everything. The most simple way they say, you know, we're in New York, were visiting for Christmas. And we were walking essay, and we got this building that belongs, I want to mention it, but some political name. And I don't like that person at all. And as we were walking, I started saying to my husband, something nasty about that person, and the building. And I said, I would never put my foot in this building, and blah, blah, blah. And as I said that I had Steve's voice in my ear, about, because as he was talking to me, he actually mentioned this person saying it before. And it goes, this is you just have to look with, with this. Have the glasses and glasses of love to see it. And I quickly, like instantly, within five seconds of it. I heard this voice of Steve and I thought, I need to stop this. And I said it out loud to my husband. Immediately. I said, You know what? What I just said is not loving. This is coming from judgment. I need to let him be I need to send them blessings and love. And I take my words back and I don't want to hate him and I don't want to not love him. I'm going to send them love instead of hatred from now onwards. And I caught myself is just that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives. Yeah,

you know, farI I celebrate you for that, that. You know, that's so beautiful, because this is how we change the collective consciousness. Yes, we Yes. That choice to be loving in the way we think about people and choosing not to judge, you know, and I love

that work. It takes a lot of work. I mean, exactly back when you said is not finished that I said this is a bullshit that they say the night before it. I said oh, I will not judge. I will never judge a boom yesterday.

Just checking to see if you're true to your word. Let's see. Let's walk past this building. Oh, I'm in full judgment. Yes, I'm judging Oh, no. When what just happened? I'm judging.

Literally, you know, and it's like, European tested. Yeah. God tests you. Lots of people don't like to use the word God. They say universities, whatever you believe on. That's fine. But I feel like God is testing. Oh, of course, whatever. I say I am it and then I'm just thinking, how can I be a coach to someone when I am not doing the right thing. When I've caught myself. It helped me to see myself last night When we had the gathering here, but the young girl that was here, that I, in my head, the judgment was gonna go on. And I caught myself. And I thought, last night when I was when I thought about it, it's okay and caught myself where I was going to judge her, but I will speak to her. And I'm going to tell her that was, I was going to judge her. And that's where she has some problems. And if she wants me, and if she allows me, I will tell her, what I was going to judge her about, and what I think others see her that she is not getting what she wants, and like, so instead of judging app, I started talking to my tools that if it came out, it would have been the judgement and attended around. How can I? How can I find a way to help this younger? Instead of saying, Oh, she's this and she's definitely she's definitely she's that. So you begin to turn it around? Or at least I do now, that instead of just throwing it out there and charge it, instead of judging her. I will take it into how can I turn into this to a conversation with the person? Mm

hmm. Yeah, I love how you're in the practice of recreating the way you think. And the way you

be, you know, we're all students at all time. If we allow, yeah, if we want to be stupid, that's why, of course, I mean, unless you go to the college and enroll, nobody says, I'll come come here, right. You will all students at all time. Yeah, some student learning,

you're still a student of learning yourself, the wilderness,

and dealing with my imperfections, and how to lead them in towards being better because I don't know if I can ever be perfect. Nor do I want to be perfect. I'm only human, when I want to be a harmless few human to others. And what to myself, right?

Like it says in the book, everyone's worthy of my love and not worthy of my judgment. Or maybe I've paraphrased it, but it's something Oh, no,

that's exactly it is. So like, when they say write your declaration and your document, I did. And I just put it beside it because I have not, it's yet. And I said, I don't want to just say for the heck of it. I have to know that when I'm reading it is coming from an authentic place. And I mean it and I can control my anger, which is gone, like beyond and above being able to control now. I was a very angry woman. And I dealt with it all these years through fitness. Yeah, you're mad, go punch bag, you might go lift the weights, you're mad, do need a

black belt in Taekwondo.

Or do the yoga class and because I've made like I said, if I call it so I have my own office with this in it. Sometimes when I just got mad at somebody that is out there and the gym and I'm in my office with my Pilates. I will do one pose like 100 times. So I know that like I'm dealing with my anger, my frustration through the fitness which I really don't understand why today with the mental health that goes on and depression, how they how they don't give him a treatment through the fitness, which is a different subject, because I think it's the

not necessarily a different subject. But yeah, I think that it's like

a drug of the world to instead of medicating people with medication, so send them for a 40 minutes run in is I cannot tell you how much it has helped me how much it has helped so many people that I trained in 31 years to this day. I am training and coaching on Zoom. And these people have been with me for years. Judy, the lady that I'm in her house, she was 53 when I started with her and she is now 71 And it goes for a long time that people stick with me. It's because I am most unedited and I helped him with so much depression, you know, I've dealt with it on a daily basis myself. It comes to me tomorrow, but I don't sit and think about what bottle of wine can I finish or smoked. I don't I've never smoked anything in my life. I've never smoked pot. I mean as simple as that. I take I just I take cow milk The attic, you know, stuff like that. But I suffer from insomnia. So I take CBD gummies that you choose to pay it and help you sleep, but I don't know how to be on any kind of drugs, and my drug of the day is my work. Because when I work out for me is I'm going to church, somebody goes to church painting, the other one does, and horseback riding the person that jogs out on the street, and when I'm in the gym, you can explore the bone next to me, I would here because I'm not there, physically, I am somewhere else. And when you come out of it, and you don't have to have the gym to do that, you can do your work, and I put the yoga mat down, you just need to say, so you're good at you know,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna slow down what you're talking about, because you're, you're really throwing out a lot of golden nuggets here. So let's like slow it down. Right? So first of all, I, I love what you said about anger, right? It is such a gift. You know, it's like the body wisdom, letting us know that our values are being rubbed up against, right, you know, and sometimes we, let's see, we haven't really been taught that it's a good thing. We've been taught that it's something to be ashamed of. Right? So. But even in that, because you think differently, and you experience life differently, you chose to use that body wisdom to transmute it through fitness, right? So you, you are also training your clients, in the same way where they honor their body wisdom, they honor their anger, by allowing their bodies moving meditation. That's what I'm hearing you say, because you're like, you know, some people go to church, and they're doing this and they're doing that. So you're doing moving meditation to honor your body wisdom, to transmute your anger. And that is your gift in the world. So I really want to bring it out in that way. So people understand that.

And thank you for seeing it. And you know, I wanted you to know that that's not just a gift to me, that's a gift that is given to everybody. We don't know how to use it. We don't know it's available to use it. You know, so people take it into their fruit. The two sisters that I am now training, they are both very tall, and very heavy, very heavy. And I've known them for 20 years, more than that, you know, but they got heavy. And then now when I talk to them, and the another one of them is lost about 60 pounds, the other one lost about I think 40 pounds, and they're about to but they still have some more weight to draw. And she says, and actually the the only church so they are African American, I adore them, Columbo, they're my sisters from different mother. And always interested, everybody came to us to get advice, but they didn't go to themselves to get advice. And I said, we all need help. But something that it wasn't introduced to them was the fitness. If they had the idea of in you eat your anger, you frustrated, okay, let me have to work. I don't know, tamales. I'm just throwing in a bat. I'm frustrated. Let me have one more loaf of bread, you know, because they are not drinkers. They are very Christian. And they're they're delightful people, you know, bad. So what did they do? They became the humongous sizes another day. And because she was asking me because what do you see when you work at Ferrari? How do you see it? I said, I'd really look at my body as that temple that they say it's a temple. It's not just what the Bible says your body is a temple of God, you have to know that you you wouldn't like I always say that if Jesus walks into your house and says, you know, this is Jesus, would you put all the rubbish that you put in your body in front of Jesus, or you buy the best piece of steak and a best piece of filet mignon or flesh or whatever, and you say, please have it because it's Jesus. Why do you disrespect yourself, but you respect somebody else? You know? And it's just that I always found my child who knew that I fit in every time I did something with fitness was beautiful and it felt good. And the feeling of it was so delicious in my head, heart and soul. And I was a very fat kid growing up, and I'm originally from Iran. And my school, my high school called my mom and said, she is unbelievable in volleyball. She's so I was a very fat kid. I'm sure. I'm only five, four and a half and must have weighed about 205 pounds. And she goes, she's so heavy, but she jumps like sky high, and she is unbelievable. She let her come to the volleyball. And my mom says, Oh, God, no, she's no, no, no, because she comes from a Muslim background. She goes, Oh, no, I can control her. She's going to be mixed with guys. And I can't control. Boom. The principal told me my mom doesn't lay. I got so so I went home and I ate so much fat that day, I was so devastated. You know. So all of that. I say that not to feel sorry. For me, this is all the platform for me to get up and see where I am. Every limitation I had in life was for me to get up today, and be a help for 31 years to all those people. Nothing to feel sorry for me, that's my blessing.

No, I totally hear that, as this moment was the defining moment for the elevation of your soul. Yeah, that's when you know, it's because of that, that you recognize this and the people you work with. Now, you know that they cuddle themselves with food that is damaging to their body. They hide in, in food,

food, alcohol, drugs, all of it, you know, somebody used to food the other one goes. And the the sadness thing is that they think if they eat too much, and they're 100 pounds overweight, they're not addicted. And I said, Go study your brain, same part of the brain that allows you or asks you, it's time for heroine to habit. It's fine for two more glasses of alcohol to have whatever it is you eat it the same part of the brain ask any doctor Gulia is not coming from me. They same part of the brain tells you it's time to over eat. There is also

yeah, there's the same part of the brain that tells you it's time to love. Right. So like you're teaching them to love themselves.

Yeah, food away, put the self love and self respect to take the alcohol away. And you know, and one of them said she was he was smoking. I don't know if that is smoke or cocaine. What did he say? I think they snort

cocaine?

Is that what? So what do you do with heroin? This is

the stuff heroin, I think, Oh,

you you inject it? Yes. Yeah. So he was doing crack cooking. And I said, But why are you doing it because I have romance with it. I said, and have romance with a woman. God created man and woman because but this is effortless. So that's not you have to earn the money to go and pay $700 a week for just that stuff. That's not effortless. What are you kidding? You know, and then he gonna steal from people. That's the more effort. So I had to work with his brain so much, it was so long. And this sort of she's that he's not like, I think six years. Clear and gorgeous man, you know, into fitness lost 75 pounds. But it's very difficult to, for that person to want to accept it and come to me, I cannot go to them. You need to want it. You you need to want to be better. You need to want to be Who do you need to be? To love yourself. And that's where the book of ultimate coach comes in. Who do you need to be? To be a better person to yourself? And like, Who do you need to be to get yourself out of this misery? Whether its food, whether it's alcohol, whatever, that is not good to your body? It's not a friend to your body. Is that who do you need to be to be ready to give it up?

Yeah, yeah. And so that's this now the process that you take people through?

Absolutely is always just like, I love that. Who do you need to be? You know, to be anything that you want to be in the life

and last spoke of the ultimate coach of difficulty in I call it is my daily Bible, and I call it is the Bible of being. It's not that I want to lift Steve Hardison, up and lo and say, Oh, my God, Steve already said is that it's divided since and is already up there doesn't need me to advertise for if it's to teach people through this book, how much there is we need to learn about ourselves and free ourselves through this book of being, I, I look back and I just say, Oh, where did she go that fiery that anger frustration, an angry person that she was, and I looked back and I said, Oh, she's so far gone. And I can even reach it and say, You know what? Good, good job good. Go keep going. You know. And it's not that I don't get angry. Don't get me wrong. It's not all gone. You know, you should have heard me the other day, getting a taxi in LA 5am to catch our brain and she attacked us. He literally the guy verbally attacked us. So many suitcases, I can pick it up, you go pick it up and all that. All I did I mean, oh, my God. If this was about a year ago, I don't know what with all I did with my hand and into his face. And I said, I have a lovely morning, you will I'm not letting you stop ruin my day. And we picked up our suitcases and put it to the back of this car. That's good.

This would have not been me before. Yeah, that's beautiful. And, you know, again, it's not. I do feel like it's necessary to state this emotions are a beautiful window and bridge to our spiritual self. So it's not that there's something wrong with the anger. It's the what you do with the anger, right? So like, in this case, you had an opportunity to go into full judgment mode with the guy or to let him be on his island of judgment alone. Right is what and yeah,

yeah. And actually recognize it. Because for me, as I said, for me to release my anger, it was all the time in the gym, and with the fitness and I still do that, I still do that. But because I've had to have my both knees replaced this year, it has slowed me down, and I had many complications that nobody ever had it. And so how do I deal with it? Now, the minute it comes, instantly, I have now trained myself that I look at it as this little kid immediately started screaming. And I just say, oh, observe it and deal with it in different way. And I quickly changed. I mean, this book, the way I read it, the way I figured it out the way I understood it. It has such an immense effect on my relationship with my husband, believe me. About a year ago, maybe a year and a bit ago, maybe like few months ago, I was thinking of divorcing my husband. I thought we just have to divorce because because I'm thinking in my head. I'm this perfect woman. I am the most flawless being. And here's all the flaws, and he's all differently. God forbid everyone I ever wanted to look at myself. What do you mean, I'm flawed? That's yeah, at all about it. And by reading this book, Amy Oh, my God. Amy Hardison, like, when he was talking about love, this massive chapter that starts I think it's chapter 35. If I say it, right, but the love I mean, that love chapter all the way to the 36 and all that are probably really like 10 times. No lie, I read it 10 times. And that shows me how much more I am at home. And how much I'm ignoring my amazing, beautiful husband that God has blessed me with. And it has made a relationship. And I get so many people that they just say what happened to you? I said through reading that chapter of love, and many other ones. But that chapter was like, boom, like, took my brain out and put this brain of love in which it was always in me. But I was guarding it with anger. You know, I'm gonna go grab the book, and let's read them. I was gonna go and get it to you want me to go get it? You know, I

got it. Well, yeah, you can get your coffee too. I'm just saying like, let's let's look at this. Chapter 35 And what's interesting about today we're recording on their 45th anniversary. How about that? Yeah. So it's only fitting that we talked about this, is there any particular part in here that really,

that if you read nothing about this book, and you just read that part, every single day, every single night, you know, it's it's such a good is Judo like when you go and have a CAT scan and sit inside outside of you, when you do when you read this book is like your cat scanning yourself. Hmm. You know, and you can see the effect of it. And the one that first of all, I look at that Amy's face and I just want to shower her with kisses because I'm thinking this girl is like not like a to me she's literally is like a walking goddess. It's just like, how can you be so understanding how can you be so patient with a man that it was so angry and you change him immensely? And that again, because he was ready to be changed?

Right? It was his choice. Right? And let's let's be

clear, I love is just like when he says love beyond the center. Yeah, I saw that anytime I hear. AMI is the center of my universe have just like, I don't know what I feel. I don't know how that makes me feel that. How did I not see my Greg is the center of my universe. And I always when I talk about him, I will say my Greg, because not that he's just mine. But by saying my Greg is it's more of a confirmation in my heart that it comes from my heart is how much I love this man and how much I mistreated him. You know, and I don't want to say shame on me, because I no longer allow shame and blame to bring me down. It's all a matter of learning and growing. There is no shame. I lived with shame for very many years. I'm 65 years old. I've lived with shame for 63 and four years, you know, and it's just, I was a great preacher to everybody. Don't let shame get you. But I let Jim get me. You know, I never walked my own talk, but was in Great Britain. Yeah, until I read this book, many, many times. I mean, I am going to be so big and huge talking about this book now that I am welcoming the members, the new members because everybody has to read this book more than once once more than five times. It has to be in a way I walk into just saying, Amy is his universe, the center of universe. My Greg is the center of my universe. I constantly there was this thing he just you've just sent it to me yesterday. And he's talking about the parts that part I could not find it where it is the part that they asked him, what would he do if he was going to change if there is one thing you could do to change the world? And is that much of a problem? Paragraph that comes with acid. My goodness. This is not normal. This is not the normal person talking. And this is a look at my beautiful husband brought my phone for me. This is our I tell you is the center of my universe. My Greg, it's an IT WAS if you have any is reading it. I am looking at it on. This is a Steve Hardison that sent me this. Yeah says what is one thing you would do to change the world? And I thought, this is such a beautiful thing to write and make a postcard post and send it to everybody, to everyone that you love. And is this is this something you would do? You know, because that's not something that it should be just in the book. When Steve sent that to me yesterday, when I read that in the book many times, but it was never as tangible as yesterday when that came to him and said, Wow. This is what I have problem with the world, being the Iranian woman having been tormented for being because of good old days when I was younger, I had lots of black hair tie on. And it was down to my elbows and I was in London pouring littering. I lived in London, 14 years before I came to America. And one morning was pouring with rain, and I was walking to work. And it was beginning of my work there. So they call it Junior Junior. That means you go to like in the shop that I was working, and they were the owners. They were fabulous Greek people. Lovely. So I was the junior that means I will be tying tidying up the shelves and making everything look neat and all that that's called the junior. Okay, that's what I was a junior in that shop. And I was walking upstairs, where I was working, they got the cold skinheads. They were there. Imagine me young 20 Then I was probably 20. Maybe two, right? Because I went there 21. So that I'm 2223 years old, long hair. I didn't have any cover on my head or anything. And I was just walking to work. The skinheads from the top, they poured a green color paint on my head. I'm on me up all over me. You know, and I had a rain jacket. But we were young. I wanted to be just wet. Why not is your hair just gets wet. I didn't have any makeup on nothing, you know. And I ended up having to shave my head because they hadn't come up, the paint wouldn't come up. So I went through, like this is like the most simplest one. But I went through so much things. And I just think always like I hated them. And I said, why not? Today I look at the stuff. God bless you. I hope you've looked at it like, thank you for what you did to me. I grew from it. I'm a stronger person. You know, all the sufferings that I had at home, like my father beat me up. I used to cry about it, talk about it. And I say to this, I just remember that my father beat me up. When I forget to say all the good stuff about him too. He was a very strong man have become strong. He was a very powerful man, I became powerful. He loved the people. I love people. He was massive in fitness, massive in fitness. He was a famous guy when he was younger, back in Iran. And fitness became my profession for 31 years making six figures a year of the air in the heart of Los Angeles when nobody could get a job as a trainer, where I was working. And trainers were just like, didn't know what to do. I had a waiting list for me. So all the blessing that I got from my father, why do I forget that? And I said, Well, yeah, he had me. Okay, so thank God, he hit me because I became stronger.

I love that. See, this is why we had to rerecord this because this part of the conversation was different last time. So I'm so happy to see that. And I even see it in your your bio that you sent over, you know what I mean? Because like one of the things I say, you know, in my story, I'm very clear that it's because of the way my ex husband was that I have a business. I'm so grateful to him. You know, in fact, while I was like the maybe the week after we got separated, I was being interviewed about how to help your husband to engage better with children. Right? This is a week after we got separated, mind you, he had been arrested. Like, that's how we got separated. I like cops took them out of my house, right? And I said, you know, it's you know, I'm so grateful for the way he is because it helped me to connect deeper with my children and helped me more importantly, connect deeper with myself, because, you know, I could have been the wife that whines about how horrible my husband is and how much he doesn't love me. But instead I was like, How can I be the example of the love I want from him? Right? And that was my focus from that day on. And you know, and in some respects, I would say it changed our marriage. But mostly it changed me which was the better part. And in the end, our marriage dissolved, which is the best part. Because now I get to love me even deeper. And that's what I'm hearing you say it's like, you know, you're no longer complaining about the horrible part of your dad. It's just like, I'm so grateful for my dad. Because of him. I'm this you know, I have this magnificent fitness company. I have these clients that love me, and they're learning self love from me. I've learned how to love me so much deeper and And now, because of the ultimate coach book, I can show people what it's like to be self love.

Exactly that it's, it's very simple to allow the shame to get you, it's very simple to have the blame, knocking you down, you know, I have a huge problem. We're a very big family with a sisters and brothers. And we just lost a brother last year, who I hadn't seen in 40 years, sadly. And he is my half brother from a separate mother. And it's very sad not to see him because he was in Iran. And there I was 44 years ago, I left Iraq, you know, and the rest of my sisters and brothers, we just don't get along at all. And I always had this anger and frustration for him. But now, I've completely changed it. I am still not talking to them, I only talk to one brother and one sister. Because it's a matter of is somebody coming to say, I'm sorry, forgive me, I forgive you. But until then, I send them love, every single minute I think about them. I send them blessings every single time, but I don't have to be with them. Just like as Steve always says, They're not my tribe. They are my family. And they deserve my love. So they get my love all the time. And one brother and sister that I am in touch with. I have so much fun with. And we enjoy each other. And no one ever talks about the other one. Because we've decided, so a conversation is about me, and the two of them when we talk. And it's just that recognition that every single one should have. If they want to have a better life. Who do you need to be? Is the start of it? Where do you want to go? With whatever you decide in life? And once you learn, who do you need to be? To deal now that I have the book, I can just get the page and just say, I mean, this two, three sentences are just life giving for me that Who do you need to be to alter? My Who do I need to be to alter my relationship with fear? That and who do I need to be to be at peace with my past? Hmm, these two are plenty good for me to want to correct everything else in life. Olivia and the past, because I had allowed it had paralyzed me. And I learned how to deal with the fear have a relationship with the fear. And I cannot say enough how much I have been healed because of this book. And how much I am a better person, for my clients as their coaches. And as their coach and as their trainer, how I'm a better wife to my husband. I'm a better person to my friends. Everybody sees and notices the difference in me that they just said to me last night as we're sitting at having a gathering here. And they said, but why do you coach people when they call you in your vacation? I said I don't have a job. I have a calling. I didn't choose coaching coaching called me and chose me. Therefore, people can call me at 10 o'clock at night if my phone is on because I tend to phone us whenever we go to bed. But if somebody calls me and says what do I do now? I'm not saying sorry, the office is closed. Because my heart is open all the time. You know, and as a human, when you're a coach, you're not just a coach as a job. I don't believe that. You are dealing with people as a true human from love. And I just figured that out. But it's also when I see on a Sunday morning, Steve Hardison calls me and talk to me for 37 minutes when I've never paid him a dime. It encourages me more to be even more of a better version. That's why I was fine. And I'm happy no more sadness gone. finished. Stop it.

It's your choice. Yeah,

it's a choice. I always say life is all about choice. Choose alcohol, choose happiness, choose drugs, to choose a true willingness to be happier and healthier. Choose food, choose misery. Would you want to choose sort of his

choose who you want to be? Correct. That's beautiful. For you know, I am so excited that you agreed to redo our conversation, because this is like, this is the true form a, you know, who, who was always there, you know, and I'm so happy that you are choosing her.

I am too. And I thank you for actually seeing that. In me. It's very interesting that you said that when we recorded before, and I was going to call you even talk to Eric about it. And and I said, I think we need to do a redo. And then it goes, Well, why didn't you do that? And put the second one, so you can see the changes? And I said that? I don't think I'm happy with that. And suddenly you caught me in tears. You texted me and you said, I think we need to do this. Did you talk to Eric? He said no. And then I'm asking Eric, do you just talk to critical? Yeah, she goes, Oh, my God.

So you know, this is my theory about that. When there's something like deep in your soul that knows and desires something, you actually magnetize the manifestation of that thing. So, you know, I had been observing you for a while and I had been watching, you know, like, okay, her interview is going to be coming up soon. I'm like, Yeah, I don't feel right about publishing this, because that's not even who you are at all anymore. And I have to tell her that. So let me reach out to her. Right. And just simultaneously you were in the awareness of yourself. We know

about it. Yeah. This is God is nothing but God to me,

to me. 100%. Yeah.

Wow. It's amazing. And I thank you for watching me, thank you for seeing the growth. I finally came out of a closet.

Yeah, there you are. So beautiful, lovely person that you are sorry.

Thank you, my love. Thank you so much. It's a blessing. So thank you. I am so grateful that you see the changes I want. I've seen it feel the changes. I want the world to see the changes. And I want my changes to be that much more for everybody else. Yeah, know that. There is my beautiful brother is calling me now from Germany. And he has been fighting cancer. He's been living in Germany for over 50 years. He's been fighting cancer for years and years and years. He got it from his mother when he she gave birth to him. And he says, watching me, because they're when he watches it, it translates to, I think German for him to understand it. But it goes watch me sometimes because I can't believe this is you. Yeah, and it's such a joy. To hear that. That my own brother can see the difference between me today and yesterday. And between me and the rest of the sisters and brothers. So I am blessed. And really the changes are all board to this motor choice. My choice to know that this book is supposed to save me. Yeah, there is not another another romance or by biography. Just read it and put it inside is the book to become it. And the fact that Eric helped me to find me through me, by me was immense. And that's why he's helped me with the business as well. I am so grateful for everything it is this this ultimate coach in Israel. It's true. I've gotten to meet your beautiful face. And very many lovely people in this group. I would have never been able to meet Alfa Yeah.

Beautiful. Well, thank you for you know, again, accepting our invitation to be on the ultimate coach podcast and for sharing your story and gift with the world.

Thank you for even acknowledging me and having me here. Thank you. Thank you. grateful forever. rotary