ReLaunch Love: John Gray on Mars, Venus, and Relationships

My dream woman. I didn't marry her. She wasn't my soulmate. We just had three days of sex.

You went from being celibate for nine years to three days of sex. Oh, that's

what happens when you're on that sex for for nine years.

Welcome everyone to the ReLaunch podcast, and I feel like the luckiest girl alive, because I get to have an in depth conversation with a gentleman that I have personally been working with for over eight years. I have had the privilege, as I we were just laughing before we hit, before we hit record that I almost had a four hour interview with him, and it was such a great day. But today is not going to be four hours. We are going to keep it within the 30, maybe plus, plus. But who am I talking about right now, I am talking about my favorite guy, and he is John Gray. And yes, he is the author of the iconic men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. But not only that, he's written beyond men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. It's the next generation. We're going to go into that. What does it all mean for us now to be a man, to be a woman in so many different facets of the word, but he's 23 books in everyone, and I can honestly say I'm raising my hand. I have been in one of his books as well coaching. Love how that all works together. I'll put it in the show notes, so that you don't miss out on that one as well. But his work has literally transformed relationships, and it's been such a dynamic, global process. I'll never forget when he said that his book outsold the Bible. And you know, when you look at what is so important to people, it's understanding who they are, what they are, what makes them tick. And then, more importantly, how do we get relations, actually relationships, to stick? So at this point, I would like to introduce Dr John Gray, and we are going to dive in not only to his significant relaunches, but also what does he have to say about where we are in the world of men and women and relationships. So welcome John. So good to have you here.

Oh, it's so good to be with you again. One correction, I never said I also the Bible. Other people say that they okay. You did invite.

You did actually, you did do that. One of the years I remember that I validated

out saw it was in the decade of the 90s. I outsold every book in the world. But the Bible has been going on for much longer.

Okay, yes, thank you. But you know what you are so humble. This is what I love about you. It's like, Wait Hillary, but in essence, everyone, this guy, I mean, come on, it's incredible. So John, where you are today has been a one of the most incredible relaunch journeys, and it's relaunches, and I'd like to, I'd like to not just talk usually I try to ask people about their most significant but you've had so many significant ones. So I'd actually like to maybe even hit two or three of those. So let's start with what you would say is that that most impactful initial relaunch that happened to you and how it brought you to where you are.

Well, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on each one, because there's so many, and I'm happy to talk about them. It's fun to think about this. First of all, as a teenager, I was sex, drug and rock and roll. It was a very fun time in the 60s. And after the big Woodstock and all the big festivals, I got really high and crashed down. And I remember there was a rock song called can't find your way home. I mean, I was really just I wanted to be high. And then the Beatles said that you can get high on meditation and you don't crash. So that launched a whole whole my whole life changed. I'm slated to go to Stanford University. My parents went to Stanford University. I'm a good student, not a great student, but I'm a good student. And I told my parents I just want to go off and study meditation with an Indian guru, Maharishi, Mahesh, Yogi The Beatles had recommended him. So I did that. That was a relaunch, and I became a celibate monk for nine years. I had no relationship with girls. I love girls. I had a very active relationship with girls as a teenager, but it was time for me to get high. I wanted to get high on spirit. Actuality, to know God, to know myself, self realization, and I was his most dedicated student. I think he would say that I was they measured my brain function. They put it on posters and 3600 centers. You know my picture, he was there as the head guy, but here I am his personal assistant. He was like a father to me, a mentor to me, and I spent nine years with him, and then what happened? A major shift took place, another relaunch, and I didn't know what was going to happen. I just knew that some part of my soul said, I want to be like that man. And a certain point I found what was in him inside myself. And so there was like, no draw. I was not drawn to him anymore. I didn't have negative feelings towards him. I didn't feel disappointed. I felt enlightened. I felt this enlightenment that I experienced, and I was a new person and but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. And then I had a dream about about a woman. Okay, I hadn't had a dream about a woman in nine years. And so you're right now.

You're right now in your late 20s, is that right? Yes, yes. I'm

28 years old at this point, okay? And I kind of have this dream of a woman, and I fly. I just felt drawn to fly to California. I was mostly in Europe, and then I went to California. Didn't know what I was going to do. That was launching a whole nother side of my life. I went and didn't have much money, stayed at a kind of a bed and breakfast place where other people were staying, and the woman in my dream was there. My dream woman. I didn't marry her. She wasn't my soul mate. We just had three days of sex.

That long. You went from being celibate for nine years to three days of sex. That's what happens when you had

that sex for nine years.

That is so great. Okay, as

a student of Maurice, yeah, I think one of my talents that emerged during that time, I'm a good teacher, and I like talking. I like teaching. I have a point of view on things. And actually, on that journey that was one of the big awarenesses, I think after about four years with him, suddenly I had an opinion about everything before that. I didn't, you know, I was just learning from the people, and suddenly, like whatever you say to me, I'll have a point of view, and I'll express it. So that's sort of evolved out of meditation for me. And then, and then my heart opened. Part of when you have long meditations, you feel this love, where you feel the God is in everyone. Yeah, I was a little crazy. I walked. I remember feeling everybody's enlightened. They just don't know it. You know, we're all one. So that was kind of an ungrounded state of enlightenment. And that was time to go out into the world. I didn't know what I was going to do. I just knew I needed to move on. And then met this woman, and she was, it was interesting. I was since she was in my dream, I thought there must be something here. So I wanted to talk to her. She was not interested in me at all. So I just sat in front of her the cabin that she was in, and I see I can sit and cross legged and Lotus, at least, then I could do Lotus for 15 hours. Okay? So I sat in front of her place for about 12 hours, and she saw me, came and go. She said, Okay, who are you? Because not many people can do that. And I said that I was the I just left being the assistant to the Maharishi, and she had just left being the assistant to Claire Prophet, who was another California guru. So it was like those magic moments. And then I said, Well, what do you do? And she said, I'm a massage therapist now. And I said, she said, you want a massage? I said, Sure. Then she said, Well, take off your clothes. I thought, okay, and there I am lying on my stomach while she's massaging me, having different reactions in my body. Oh, God. Said to me, so why are you celibate? I said, Well, at this point, I don't know, and that's where I broke my celibacy, and that was it. Yeah, it was quite a wonderful, wonderful experience. And you know, it wasn't like we were in love or anything. It was a wonderful experience. And then I was traveling, I had to figure out, what am I? What am I going to do? And I traveled around. I didn't have much money, but I did have a credit card for gas that my parents gave me. So I traveled around my old car that was still in America, and and I would meet women, and I would sleep with women. I would stay at I would, you know, have dinner with them and read their palms and sleep there and make love. I

feel like this. I feel like this shouldn't be called the relaunch podcast. This should be called like, you know, we're going in depth into the into the depths of John Gray. I'll try to be quick about it. So anyway, because I do want to get to a couple of these others, but it is fascinating. So basically, you began to sleep with every single woman out there because you had lost out on that chance for nine years. That's right,

that's right. And but more importantly, I interviewed them saying, I've been a monk. I like to know what makes your body work. How do you what do you enjoy in sex and so forth. So I realized with every woman, I was getting different. Answers, and those answers were actually very different from what a man what I like in sex. So then I felt like every man needs to know this. So then I started teaching. I'm a teacher now, but I What can I do? Well, I'm going to teach about sex. So I called it enlightened sexuality. I got couples together and. And had everybody, in a friendly way, talk about what women like in sex, what men like in sex, and so forth. And that evolved into sexual differences. That then evolves into, how do you keep the attraction there? Then you have to have relationships outside the bedroom, and they have to know what to do in the bedroom. It's a balance of both. So that launched my career, and gender differences, along with enlightened sexuality, which I still teach. This

is why we're here. This is the untold relaunch of John Gray. So good. This is how it all began. This is why we go there. Okay, so now it's all coming together, but at the same time, or was this after you had something tragic happen with your dad.

Well, let me just go to another big relaunch for me. So there I am, wanting to teach. And the I met a woman. One of those women was Bonnie. Now, Bonnie, I'm married to Bonnie has now passed, but I was married to Bonnie for 34 years, and she's the love of my life, and she's still in my heart, amazing that that's a relaunch later after that. But here I'm I'm dating these different I'm seeing these different women, and Bonnie was the special one, but she would not marry me. I wanted to marry her. Settle down, and she says, No, I don't think you're ready. And she was right. I wasn't ready. At that time, there was another woman who was pursuing me? That's Barbara. And Barbara had a house. Barbara wanted to be my assistant. She wanted to be my editor. She would help promote my workshop. So we had a relationship for about a year where she was helping me, and then it turned into intimacy, and then it turned into, why don't we get married? So we were married for two years, but everything was role reversal. This is a huge change in my life. You know, here's this woman. She fell out of love with me. My sexual attraction for her went away. I couldn't understand that. Then she was attracted to another man. And here I am teaching a class on making an enlightened sexuality, another class on making love work. And I find out that my wife is in love with another man and having sex with another man. I was devastated. And not only was I devastated to have my heart broken because I was in love with her and a big hearted person, but also I couldn't go and teach my class on making love work, if, because

they weren't you hadn't made love work, right? I had failed. Right? I got it. It was

like my male side was knocked down and my female side was knocked down, which is, I have my heart's broken. And that was very powerful time my life. And that's where I developed a new seminar called Healing the heart, because I had to heal my heart so I could teach about how I was healing my heart. And prior to that time, I used to have, always have anxiety before giving a talk. I still was good at talking, but before it was anxious, anxiety, and I healed. That was like I faced the biggest fear of my life, how to start over and continue teaching a new seminar, because Barbara and I got divorced, I gave her the old seminar because she was threatened, thinking everybody's going to come to your seminar, because I was the source of that materials. I know you can have all that. I'm going to start a new one, because I can't teach that anyway, and I was at nine cities around the country, and what after one year teaching healing the heart and teaching people how to process emotions and the benefit of healing the heart, because the result of nine months after Barbara and I was split after a traumatic moment, nine months Learning how to heal the heart, emotional processing, all my anxiety went away, and I've never had it since. I never have any fear. I have no anxiety. I go out in front of my audiences, I don't even have to know what I'm going to say, and it would just come right out. And all that anxiety stuff rehearsing in my mind, what am I going to say? All went away. I connected with my my soul, my soul speaks so there was never a sense of fear anymore, which has been wonderful in my life. Now, let's say I was

so Wait, wait before you continue on. You know, even before Brene Brown was talking about vulnerability, you're out there talking about, for two years you were married, you were teaching this course, and then it it ended, and you went out there and started to create, you created a new course healing the heart. How did, how did you come up with how to heal the heart? Like, how did you do that? How did, how were you able to to come up with, like, the steps in order to do it and to help yourself get over anxiety of being on the on the stage. This

was my first book. It's called what you feel you can heal. It was a very sweet book. And writing that book, I only wrote that book after I healed my heart. How did I know how to do it? In my previous seminar that I was teaching making love work, a part of that seminar was learning how to let go of anger. Okay, so and I developed in that seminar writing. You know, journaling is a good thing to do whenever you're upset. So I would journal my anger, and it just stays, stayed angry. So then I said, There's got to be a way to break this through. So then I basically said, Okay, what's behind my anger, which what is what I want that did? Happen. So then I would write out what I want, and then when I wrote out what I want, it still didn't go away. So I thought, Okay, let me just try feeling sad and disappointed, because when you don't get what you want, then you feel sad. So then I started opening my heart to feeling sad, and that was very easy after my divorce or the separation, the anger, the sadness. And then I figured it still didn't release. So I said, what other emotion? It was fear. And so then if you go from anger to sadness to fear, each time getting in touch what you want, what you want, what you want, then you naturally come back to a place where you feel regret, and how did you contribute to the problem as well? And so then you have to do some soul searching of ways I contributed, and you feel regret, feeling sorry, and then saying what it is you want. And what happened miraculously is that then you feel this sense of forgiveness, you feel this sense of love. And that was the beginning. And so in my marriage with Barbara, I had to do this all the time, because I get angry at her a lot. You know, here I'm this saint, like guy in the TIA movement. But when I, when I came out into the world. You know, I had learned to rise above all emotions. But when you start having a sexual relationships, stuff comes up, and I just didn't know how to deal with it. So I learned to write it out. That developed the healing. So that was the beginning of that process. And then the real test to it was then developing it, and then realizing that 90% of the pain and the hurt that I was feeling actually was related to an experience when I was six years old and was felt abandoned away from my family for seven days. So by connecting the feelings in present time to that part of me in the past, that's where the anxiety was coming from, you know, if you've been so you

were able to really understand that when you were away from your family, yeah, that that's where this all came from. You could identify it one instance. Or were you starting to just say that was one of the biggest ones? That's the

biggest to happen. And that's what that happened, is why you're writing the letter. It just came into my awareness. The memory came up because I was in touch with such strong emotions that then my brain went to, oh, another time in my life where I felt that now I could remember an event that I completely forgotten. So I really

even during your nine years where you were soul searching, it

is a monkey. You rise above all your past, you know your feelings or anything you it's all divine. You go higher and higher and higher. If you have a negative emotion, you ignore it. You just keep doing your meditation. Everything I ignored to go so up, and I believe that's a key thing. You go up so you can go down and bring the light into the darkness. So okay, so

let's go. Let's go back to now. You are out there doing healing the heart, and you have this woman that you Bonnie, that you are attracted to, would really like to be together with, but then you marry Barbara. I mean, there's, there's all these different things. So then what happened? Then what

happens, after I healed my heart, I was going to drive up to San Francisco to visit a friend, and Bonnie, my wife of 34 years, she lives in Santa Cruz on the way. So I called her up and say, Hey, I'm going to San Francisco. Why don't I come by and say hello? And when I heard her voice, soon as she said, Oh, John, I heard her voice. I heard bells in heaven. I said, I want to marry her. She'll marry me now, and I'm going to come see her. And she says, No, I've been trying to break up with this guy. I'm done with that relationship. This is a weekend between me and God. I said, God has sent me to you. And I raced all night and deep into the night to come see her. She said, Don't come. I said, I'm coming. I'm coming. I got a speeding ticket, and I'm actually very good at at talking men out of speeding tickets. I'm very good at that, but it was a woman policeman. The only time I've been pulled over by a woman, and it's only because I was had to pull over to the side of the road because it's the middle of the night, in order to look at the map to how to get off to Santa Cruz. And so I got a ticket from her undetained I went ahead, and it's a whole fun story. It's a whole movie could be of what then happened, because once I spent all night with Bonnie, her boyfriend, who she'd broken up with, was outside the window. Anyway. So long story short, we ended up getting married. She was the She's the love of my life. And ironically, when she was a few years ago, when she passed where all the families around, the kids said, how, how did you meet dad? And she said, You know, I was in Lake Tahoe, and he was there, and I came out and I saw him, and how did you feel when you first saw him? And she said, I knew he was my soul mate, and my kids, my kids said to me, Dad, what did you feel? I said, I knew I want to sleep with her. I'm not that way now. I'm all about love, but sex is a part of love, but, and well,

and I think it is part of your journey. I mean, right? That is, that's how you realize that there's differences between men and women and what we need and what we want and what makes us happy. So I have to I before I go into the biggest breakthrough with the book, which came and I love the story around it. I do want to talk about your dad, yeah, and how that, how that tied into who you are today,

yeah, a huge part. This is a big transition. So we went from the healing the heart with with my first wife, then I go through this healing process. I married Bonnie. I'm on my honeymoon with Bonnie starting a whole new life. She has two little children from a previous marriage, and they're somewhere we're on our honeymoon. I get a call and I say, they say, your father's died. Now, my father, I just left him. He was healthy. I have loving relationship with Him. We had a good time. He was enjoying meeting Bonnie and everything. So I was in shock. My heart's wide open on a honeymoon, my dad's dead. How did it happen? They said he was found dead in the trunk of his car. So that was so shocking. I mean, I had such a strong emotional reaction. Bonnie was like, scared. I said, No, no, it's okay. I just I have to process these feelings. I'm very good at emotions. And so we went down, and I felt I needed to be in that trunk. So we all went out to where the car was, where he was found in the trunk of the car. And my family's around on the outside. We see where that he was. He wasn't there at that point. They already taken his body away, of course. But we opened the trunk. We saw where he had been. We saw where he had got some of his tools while he's in the trunk, and he had unscrewed the back light. Now, before I say further, maybe I should say what happened? What we think happened is he was robbed. We know that to be the case. So we think that he had picked up a hitchhiker who had my father would have given him the money, but there was no injury to my dad. The guy just said, you know, give me your money, and, and, and it was right outside where the prison was, so maybe it was just one of these prisoners let out on the street, and my dad picked him up, give him a ride, and took the money, put my dad in the trunk. Called the police said there's some noise happening in a car, mysterious noise. Three times he was the police were called. They didn't go until later in that day, my mother called, said, my husband's missing. Have you heard anything? And described the car, and they went out and found him, but he was already dead. He died of heat asphyxiation in the trunk of the car. And so that's the whole story. And then so I'm in the trunk, you know, it's all big drama, you know, I just can't believe

you decide. You decide that you want to, you want to experience what your dad went through. So into the trunk, I

need to relive it. And so I got into the trunk, and I saw where he unscrewed the light. I asked my family to put the trunk on, put the trunk down, but let me out if I need to get out, because I also have claustrophobia, and so I got but I just had to face it, and I got into the trunk, and I'm laying there. The trunk is down without thinking, I sort of, I first of I saw, because there was light coming into the hole, and I saw where he'd been banging on the roof with a screwdriver. So you saw all the banging noise. There he was. Say, Hey, everybody, come Somebody get me out of this trunk. And I put my hand out without thinking. You say, hole. You put your hand out. And I was pulling my arm back, and my brother on the outside of the trunk says, John, see if you can reach your arm around and push the button to open the trunk. So it was, you know, like a great tragedy. The solution was there. He just was trying to get out. He wasn't thinking about getting in. And that changed. It was, it was huge for me, the whole thing, and part of my healing the heart is, whenever bad things happen, you have to learn a lesson from it, and commit yourself to learning the lesson. If you take action to follow up on the lesson that you learned, then you've you can heal much faster. We'll put it that way,

John, you taught me that. You taught me that when I was creating the relaunch company and so many of the steps about going back and that everything, there's a lesson to be learned. Whether I had, you know, I got divorced, I was a mom of three little kids, single mom, then I got melanoma, then I had that guy go crazy in my company, and he ended up in federal prison. You know, just every time you made me go back and reassess, and you're actually in one of the steps that I have, what I call the belief blaster, where you go through and you get rid of limiting beliefs in 67 days. And the the forgiveness letter, I call the release letter, and I use a lot of the principles you're actually in the book I've told you that, and it was because of that that everything. And I thought, well, what lesson? What lesson did I actually get when I had, you know, melanoma? What lesson did I really have when this happened to me? And there's always that ability, and there's usually forgiveness for the

forgiveness of yourself and others. I was going

to say. And, most importantly, the forgiveness of real, real

gratitude for what you've learned from it, that this is the key, is you have to have the understanding, the realization, and then true gratitude, and then action make a change in your life. So there I was, and my, my, my lesson from that was, here's here's my dad trying to get out of the trunk, when really you have to look at it from the other point of view, to push the button. And so many times in emotional healing, people want to get it out. And I realize, no, it's not about getting it out. It's about bringing love in. It's not about pushing it away. It's understanding, it compassion, empathy going in and realize that's a big part of my purpose, which is to help people who are locked in their trunks, to help them open the trunk from looking at it from another point of view. And that solid, solidified my commitment to men are from Mars. Women are from Venus, because what I've learned with men and women is that I hear women talking, and if I just give advice, it's my point of view, and I had to learn how to look at it from a different point of view. And many times, do the opposite of what most people are doing. And that became kind of a foundation. Not always the opposite works perfectly, but it's like the idea of women talking about their feelings. Men want to solve the problem. Well, do the opposite. Don't solve the problem. Ask more questions to help her talk more about the problem. Don't get right to the point, explore more details. You know, that's just one simple example. There's so many things where you do the opposite. When men go to their cave, don't go in, don't ask him, what's the matter. Instead, ignore him. Well, women don't think to ignore a guy at that time, they think that it's like, if a woman's in her cave, it's good to be attentive and say, Honey, do you want to talk about something? Could I be helpful? But to a man when he goes to escape, do the opposite? What you think is right, just leave him alone. And then eventually, now, years later, I have all these scientific explanations why these things turn out to be true, but at the time, it was pretty much do the opposite. That's always been my

and I do love the when you're talking to a man, ask him, What do you think when you're talking to a woman,

they want to say, what do you feel? What do you feel? Stay away from a man's feelings. Say, what do you think

for women? How do you feel? It's so good, but you wrote so you wrote, men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and then you decided to write an updated version, yes, and I'd like to understand how you think men and women have changed. What's different about men and women today? Because everyone's out there right now saying, Okay, give me some tips and tricks, because I need it. What? What do you what? What are the biggest takeaways in beyond Mars and Venus, like the next, the next rev of the book?

Well, it's about, it's only 350 pages, but there's like three chapters just understanding women's hormones to know when to have a romantic date when not to have a romantic day. And why do you need to understand hormones? How women can bump up men's testosterone levels by how they communicate, how men can bump up women's estrogen levels by how you communicate, and what time of the month you communicate. These are all like very significant things that I now understand, which I observed before, but now I have the biological difference, which is that, simply put, generally speaking, a woman to feel good, she needs to be making 10 times more estrogen than a man. Okay, what produces estrogen whenever you're depending on someone for safety, for security, for support, for helping you, for giving you information that you feel is valuable. When you go to a doctor, for example, your estrogen goes up. Why is it that men don't want to go to doctors until the emergency happens? Because men don't need more estrogen, but women just going to someone for help, asking questions will actually raise estrogen. Ironically, also talking about problems having who to someone who will listen will also raise your estrogen, which is why 90% of the people who go to therapy are women who go to counseling. Now we have coaching type therapy, where strategy that's more going to produce testosterone. Now, certainly, women need testosterone. They have a lot of testosterone. But compared to men, a man who is feeling good about himself and the world, the capable to be in a relationship with a woman, needs to be making 10 times more testosterone than a woman. And from my and that's just basic science, and from my perspective, then what happens is, when a man is turned on by a woman, his testosterone level doubles. And when a woman climaxes, estrogen wise, she her estrogen levels will double, and if her estrogen levels can't double, then she can't experience peak fulfillment and making love of the orgasm. Why wouldn't?

Why wouldn't a woman? And be able, why wouldn't she have the ability to have that estrogen level? Oh,

but that's the example, is it? That's what you're getting at. So the world has changed. If you go to when I'm down in coast, when I'm down in the Amazon, living with the ashwar Indians, all the women are orgasmic. They have orgasms every night. Okay? They go, sex is a big deal to them, a part of life. You know, it's just normal, like we would eat, they would go have sex, and the women would have orgasm, because their whole life is built by a community that supports women in making estrogen. They're not allowed to do dangerous things. They're not allowed in the jungle, so they don't risk their life. See, anytime you're risking your life or risking danger, testosterone goes up, and testosterone has a tendency to push down estrogen. They're two different forces. The male force is, I can do it. The female source is, we can do it. The male force is, look what I can do. The women is, look what other people do. For me. That's female empowerment. Actually. That's the power of women that attract people to help you, to do it for you. And when women are stressed, you almost hear almost every time a woman will say, I do everything myself. If a man says, I do everything myself, his testosterone goes up and he feels good. Whereas a woman says, Yes, I have to do everything myself. It's like she feels stressed. Because when you do things all by yourself, which is a culture is supporting women and becoming like men and women can that's okay. It's freedom. I mean, power is wonderful. Power to produce results support yourself. But the challenge for women in modern days is how to balance the production of testosterone with the production of estrogen, because they're two different forces. Estrogen is particularly produced when I'm depending on you for something. I'm depending on food. I'm depending on you for this interview. I depend on people. It's just that I have to have a more self reliance if I'm going to be a healthy male with self and success. John,

let me ask you this question so there are a lot of people that are entrepreneurs listening to the show right now. Many are women, and they are driven ambitious, you know, wanting to scale their business, wanting to have it all right, that lifestyle of success. What do you or how do you recommend to those women that we work all day, we are in our testosterone you're making

to anytime you're making money, you're producing testosterone anytime you're making decisions because of consequences. Whenever you make a decision, it's risk and danger. Is it going to work, or is it not going to work? And the more pressure there is on decisions, the more testosterone you will make. For men, that's really good if a man has confidence, because his testosterone goes way up. If a man has no confidence, his testosterone goes down. For a woman, when she makes decisions and she has confidence, her testosterone goes up, but her estrogen doesn't go up. So

what's a way? But what's a way that as women leaders, as women CEO, as women in the workforce. What is the best way to go from this testosterone day to moving into creating more estrogen as we're, you know, and we're not even like driving home anymore. We're like, you know, walking into the next room. What can, what can women do that. Are listening? Okay?

Well, there is a 400 page book that explains more what women can do. So I don't want to simplify the message by saying one thing, but I will say one thing is, do activities that are known to produce estrogen. The general theme of estrogen production, dancing with a partner, not dancing alone, dancing with a partner who's leading you. Okay, that's key. Now, part of the month women do need.

I'm gonna have E listen to this my husband, because I dance alone, I'll come in and I'll do my dance. I

was about to say, do your dance. That makes progesterone. So progesterone is necessary if you're cycling. It happens after you ovulate, then you come back down. But more importantly, it's the estrogen. And estrogen happens when your husband is leading you, or your partner is leading you. Or as one woman I know who is happily married, she goes to a professional dance teacher, and she gets so excited because he's going to leave her lead her in this dance, and her husband goes, Great, I can't do that. And he doesn't take it personally, because it's not sexual, but she's goes into heaven having a man dance with her, who knows the steps. That's just one example. Taking a class, okay, when people are listening to a podcast, even it's going to produce estrogen. If you're feeling dependent on that person for meaningful advice to you, going to a therapist, depending on a therapist that who can hear you. Turns out that someone hearing what you won't share with other people is the maximum estrogen production in the shortest period of time. So if you remember women who as teenagers, you have your best friend, right? It's someone you share secrets with. Women love to share secrets if you. Share secrets with somebody. And of course, put on top of everything is if you have a husband who knows how to make a love to you, then you can go to the highest levels of estrogen production, which is biological, and that's the multi orgasmic woman. But it takes a lot of safety outside the bedroom and then to feel that your partner is dancing with you, leading you, as opposed to getting off himself, he's leading you see, this is an advanced state for men. I teach men how to do this. Once they realize the rewards of it, they can do it, but they're not taught how to do it. Same thing when you're dancing, he knows all the steps, she knows the steps, and in that, He guides you to a variety of different steps. So it's not like, well, then Thank you, ma'am, but it's getting there. There are things that he knows you like. There's techniques you do right? And you just feel like you can just let go and feel the love. But a key thing when it comes to enlightened sexuality is and this really helps men to see this one thing, you're not having sex for pleasure. You're having sex to create some pleasure so that you can feel more. And when you can feel more, then you can express that feeling of love. And I'll allow her to go to higher levels of estrogen, and as she goes to higher levels of then you will feel even more, because men need in order to, you know, these, these men who can't get erections, it's not just low testosterone, and it is low testosterone, but it's also they love their wives, so your estrogen is higher than your testosterone. You have to now, some men can't get erections for a different reason is that they're your social path, social paths. Psychopaths generally can't get in a psychopaths can't and what they can only get an erection is when they hurt women or they hurt people. I mean, this is the sick side of life, but they don't make estrogen. So a man has to make estrogen, but he has to make more testosterone than his estrogen. There's a balance there. So I explained all that. This is a lot of information. I know for people, you've asked me to do a 30 minute interview, I

know we're already up. Time is up, and so I have to say again, it is always so fascinating. What I enjoyed so much about this is that the relaunches that you have gone through, that you continue to go through, the relaunch

is a real quick one. After all, the big success I've been here from Mars, I got Parkinson's. So when I had Parkinson's, I had to now settle down my career, focus on natural solutions, open up a wellness retreat branch where people would come. I healed my condition. But in doing that, I learned all about brain function and hormones. Then I was able to link everything I've taught in the past that I observed in men are from Mars, understanding the hormonal foundation of how men and women are different, and so now I can explain it even more scientific terms of why certain things are necessary. Otherwise people would consider me a sexist when I say to women, don't ask him how he feels. He needs to focus more on how you feel. Well, people say, Oh, well, man should be able to talk about his feelings. Well, a man who talks about his feelings will have more and more estrogen if his feelings are lots of love coming from a place of confidence. Great. He can talk about his feelings, but if he's angry, talking will only increase anger. For a woman, if she's angry, and I can get her to talk more, her anger will go away because her estrogen goes up. When you talk about feelings, estrogen goes up if men talk about feelings, all these weak men, there are a lot of weak men who just talk about feelings all the time. And so what happens is as a role reversal, because when a husband comes home from work and starts talking about all his feelings, it pushes a woman into her male side, and she's already been in her male side. When you're listening to someone's feelings with compassion and empathy, you're on your male side. When you're sharing your feelings needing compassion and empathy, you're on your female side. And so what we get is couples going into role reversal, which kills the sex drive. You have to have polarity for sex drive to occur, and that's men have to learn how to help women come back to their female side. Women have to learn how to use men to come back to your female side, to raise your estrogen so then you can make love on a regular basis, and it's spectacular for whatever she's getting everything she needs. And if you look at what a man focuses on when he's ready to leave a woman, he says, Nothing I can do can make her happy. That's the reason it's like he's saying, Oh, I don't feel happy. I don't feel like she's neglecting me. She doesn't listen to me. No. He says, she's not happy. All it takes for a man's testosterone to surge is to believe that I did something that made her happier, happier. And when he can do that, his testosterone is up. I'm 73, years old. My testosterone is 50% higher than when I was a young man. And right now there's a testosterone crisis for men, which is even if you start with the 20 year olds. They're 20% lower than they were 20 years ago. This is due to this role reversal of men all going in touch with their feelings and talking about their feelings.

What book? What book could we go read to hear more about this?

Oh, this is the book Beyond Venus. It's all Mars

and Venus. This is the. Continuation, yeah, of our conversation

today. But it's a it's a direction that this answer your question is, men have to learn how to be more masculine. Women have to learn how to be more feminine in a way that's respectful of the opposite sex, not this old macho thing you know, of men being dominant over women. No, we're a partnership, but we respect the differences, and we have to understand what they are and how to how to support them, rather than negate them.

I gotta say, Dr John Gray, you are even more dynamic than when I first met you. I am so grateful that you are still delivering such amazing content information, and I love how you are now absolutely putting that scientific data behind it, because there are so many people out there that want to understand more about the hormones, about what is really the difference between men and women. So thank you for coming on. Thank you for sharing your relaunch stories, and really letting us know that there is that point where you've got to go back to those stories. You got to understand where they came from, how they affect you. Give yourself the forgiveness that wherever you are today, that that's where you're supposed to be,

forgiving ourselves, forgiving others, forgiving others.

And so I just want to say, I always say, live now, love now. Relaunch now, because it is your time. And every time I come together with incredible people like Dr John Gray, you over deliver like so good. So everybody go pick up beyond Mars and Venus and let us know what was really the most impactful thing that you heard today, that you need to go back and re listen to this episode, and Dr John, I would love to have you back on any time we will continue the conversation. Thank you again. So much for me. Let's

make a point of that. Let's talk about why couples stop being attracted to each other. I have figured that out, and I have a such an amazing scientific description that nobody's ever said before, so it's quite fun to understand. Okay,

done. All right, everyone. We will see you and hear you next week, and thanks again. Dr Gray for being here.

My pleasure. Bye.