Redefining Love: Start with Yourself

Okay, this is the big one, the most transformational lesson that I learned as a matchmaker, and the one that drives everything today, that I teach, that I work on, that I do, you have to date yourself before anyone or anything else can truly align with you. You have to date yourself. Wait, wait, wait, what? What does that even mean?

Welcome to the ReLaunch podcast. I'm your host, Hilary DeCesare, and you know, Valentine's Day is often seen as a celebration of love, but today or whenever you're listening to this throughout the year, I want to flip the narrative instead of focusing outward. Let's talk about the most important love of all, self love, because here's the truth, no matter where you are in this journey, single, married, building your empire or just trying to keep it all together, lasting love for others or yourself, all starts within what many of you might not know about me is that I actually am an international certified matchmaker. Yet you guys, you're hearing it right you're hearing it right here. When I was getting divorced, I decided I wanted to know everything about love. I knew I wanted to find love again. So yes, I did it, and yes, I have matched people in love. But what really is so interesting is that I discovered something even more powerful than finding the perfect partner. It's about reconnecting with you. You often hear me say you need to meet her, and so many of you realize it's no longer about that incredible person.

I'm trying to introduce you outside of yourself. It's about I want you to meet you, that person, that little girl, that young boy that you've lost. And I want you to align with your head, your heart and your highest self, that best version of you, because that's the match that changes everything. And while I no longer match people romantically, I've taken the principles that I learned and I applied them to something even bigger, matching women with the life, business and love that they've always dreamed of. That's why I host dinners throughout the country. That's why I do transformational workshops and my relaunch to a rich life events. These bring remarkable women together to reignite their lives, discover what's possible when self love becomes the foundation. But let's talk about you and how you can flip your world in a quantum way by starting with the most transformative relationship of all, the one you have with yourself, the foundation of self, love is really what it's all about.

So let's start here. What exactly is self love? What does it mean to you? Self love isn't indulgent, or, as a lot of people think, really selfish. It's about honoring yourself, setting boundaries and treating yourself the way you treat someone that you deeply care about. But here's the thing, self love isn't just nice to have. Neuroscience backs this up. When you engage in self love practices, your brain actually releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, those are the feel good hormones that boost confidence, reduce stress and even make you more magnetic to others without self love, it's actually easy to get caught up in seeking validation from external sources, Like outside relationships, careers, social media, and then you wonder why you feel unfulfilled or stuck. It's because everything starts within. So my question for you is this, how are you showing yourself love today? So let me just share a little bit lessons from my matchmaking days, and this is going to be like a big wow for you, because let's dig into the biggest aha moments that I learned when I was going through the program lessons that go far beyond romance. Confidence and dive right into the heart of life, business and self discovery. These aren't just the principles for finding the right partner, they're transformative truths for actually creating the life and business that you've always wanted.

And yes, these lessons shape everything that I do when I work with people, one on one, when I do group coaching, my workshops, everything, everything is around these principles, because that's how you actually relaunch into a rich life. Everything about it is critical, so let's break it down. First. I'm going to go backwards. I'm going to give you number I'm going to give you three, three principles, three of the things that I found were the most impactful and that they're not just about meeting a person or staying in a relationship with someone, these cross personal and professional. So let's start with number three, clarity is everything, whether it's love your career or life itself. You cannot attract what you can't define who so powerful. Clarity is your compass. It's knowing not just what you want, but what you absolutely won't settle for. Here's the thing, people often get stuck in vague desires. They say things all the time like this, I just want to be fulfilled. I want a fulfilling career, or I want a healthy relationship, but they never go deeper to define what does fulfilling or healthy actually mean to you? When I worked with matchmaking clients, I'd ask, what are your non negotiables? What lights you up, what values absolutely must align, and you know what? Many couldn't answer, but once they got crystal clear, it changed everything. It changed things in their business, in life and in love.

Clarity is confidence when you know your priorities, your values, decision making becomes easier, your boundaries actually become stronger, and the people and the opportunities that are meant for you, they show up like magic. All right, here's this aha moment. I'm going to wrap number three with clarity. Isn't just about figuring out what you want. It's about unapologetically declaring it to yourself and the world. Let's go into number two. Energy attracts energy everyone. I just want you to realize how important this one is. This is so big. Your energy is a magnet. I saw this. I mean literally, time and time again. The clients who just ooze self love exuded self love, confidence and positivity. Well, guess what happened? They attracted the healthiest, most aligned partners, the ones who carried self doubt, fear, the things that like the past. I don't like him. He did this. This happened the blame Well, guess what? They kept attracting the wrong people, or even no one at all. You've heard that old thing about like, I don't know why I keep attracting these bad guys. Well, this goes beyond relationships. This can also happen in business. In your life, your energy dictates your reality. If you're operating in scarcity mode, constantly doubting yourself or fearing failure, you'll attract situations that reinforce that energy. But when you're aligned with your highest self, the best version of you, when you're clear on your purpose and feel gratitude for the life that you're building, you'll naturally attract the people, opportunities, experiences that elevate you.

This is why I teach, and we're going to go into this the tune in process. It's about connecting your head three, HQ, everyone, headquarters of you, your head, heart and highest self, to align your energy. Because you have to take action, because the truth is you don't attract what you want. You. You attract what you are. I'm going to say that again, because that is so just spot on. You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are. Okay, here we go. Number two, aha moment. If you don't like what you're attracting, check your energy. It's always giving off signals, whether you're aware of them or not. Now, I mean, I drum roll here. I'm going to give you number one. This is the most important thing that I literally uncovered, and that is okay. This is the big one, the most transformational lesson that I learned as a matchmaker, and the one that drives everything today, that I teach, that I work on, that I do, you have to date yourself before anyone or anything else can truly align with you. You have to date yourself. Wait, wait, wait, what? What does that even mean? It means showing up for yourself the way that you'd want a dream partner if you're married, the person you're with, if you're not the person who's coming into your life, or what about your business? Don't you want a dream team, a dream business partner, a dream collaboration to show up for you. Well, we gotta be kind to ourselves. Be curious about what lights you up. Invest time and energy in exploring what excites you, what excites you, personally, professionally.

So here's your challenge. You might be thinking, oh geez, there's three things you might be thinking. The first, hmm, totally love myself. I date me. The next one, huh, there's parts of me. Maybe I wouldn't be that excited about or, hell no, I wouldn't date me if I was the last person on this earth. But what if I told you that I want you to date yourself for a week? You talk about finding your blind spots. Wow, this is a great way to do it in your personal life. Think about what you'd want someone to do if they were trying to sweep you off your feet, flowers, cookies, dancing, hiking. Well, do it, but do it not for them. Do it for you. Take yourself on the best date of your life. Compliment yourself, love yourself, be that best partner. I remember putting on like one of my favorite, favorite outfits, and I went out, and I sat at the bar of a restaurant by myself, ordered dinner, had a glass of wine, and guess what? I was just there present, being with me, all of the awkwardness that I felt, dealing with it, understanding it, saying, You know what, you're badass. Hillary, yeah, that's what we have to start doing, anytime, anywhere we need to be doing this. But don't stop there. I also want you to date yourself in your business too.

Think about how you'd want the most aligned, passionate, supportive business that you could create around you. Would the people around you value your ideas? Would they encourage you to dream bigger, become even more of that visionary would they help you take those big, bold steps, those exciting steps towards your goal? Would they? Would they? Would they actually be like lifting you up, not breaking you down? I want you to be that partner for yourself. I want you to celebrate your wins. I want you to pop the champagne figuratively, literally. For you, even the smallest moments count, because if somebody that was working for you did something, even if it's small, but it like it impacted something else in the business, wouldn't you want to celebrate them? So I want you to invest in your own growth. Give yourself the time and space to explore new ideas and directions that excite you. Because here's why this matters in your personal life, Dating Yourself actually raises your standards for how others treat you, you stop settling for the wrong people or relationships because you've already shown yourself the love and care that you actually deserve. And in your business, it's the same thing when you treat your

site or your when. You treat yourself like the CEO of your life. You attract the right opportunities, partnerships. This is brain based. Everyone the clients that align with your vision and values. When you stare, when you actually start dating you in life and business, you raise the bar across the board. You set a new standard for how others interact with you and what you're willing to accept. And once you do this, the energy you pour into yourself starts attracting people and opportunities who match your level. It's called law of resonance. It's the res. It resonates what you are now attracting. I'll tell you something. One major thing that came out of when I was working with people romantically and they would put their list of 25 things down that they wanted in a partner. And then I'd say, Okay, what a list? How many of those can you circle about yourself? What are the non negotiables in that list? And are you that way?

Whoa. How many times did I hear? No, this is what we need to do. Date yourself. This is the aha moment of number one. Date yourself isn't just about self love. It's about creating alignment. It's about it's about setting the standard for how you want to be treated in every single area of your life and business. The shift is so powerful, because when you start loving yourself in life and business, you unlock new levels, and that comes with clarity, confidence, alignment. You Stop settling for that, yeah, it's good enough, and you start creating out of the ordinary, extraordinary. So I ask you, are you ready? Are you ready to take you on? Are you ready to date yourself? Are you ready to take the lead in loving you, both personally and professionally? Because that's where the magic began, and that's where the biggest relaunch of your life takes off. So these are three lessons, right? You got clarity, energy and self love. They are literally the cornerstones of not just your relationship, but your entire life. They're why I'm so passionate about helping women match themselves with lives and businesses that they're meant for. It's not about settling it's not about settling for what's available. Oh, well, it's just the easiest to hire that person to do this.

No, it's about stepping fully into your power, creating what's possible from impossible. When you master these specific lessons, you don't just relaunch your love life, you relaunch your entire life. I call it the relaunch effect, and the results, well, they're richer than anything you could have ever imagined. So here's my question for you, are you ready to date yourself? Big Gulp. Are you ready to align your energy and get crystal clear on what you truly want? Because again, plant those magic beans and they will grow, but you gotta start. So here's the thing, let's get real. Why is self love so darn hard for so many of us? One of the biggest barriers, that inner critic, that little voice that says you're not enough, or who do you think you are to want more from what you already have? But here is the thing, your brain is hardwired for fear. Keep that in mind everyone. Your brain is hardwired for fear. It's designed to protect you. It's not necessarily empowering you.

So remember, I mentioned the tune in process. That's where the tune in process comes in. It's a four step tool that I developed to help you reconnect with yourself in moments of doubt, in moments of feeling stuck. And it's four easy steps. When you get really good at this, you zip through it in less than two minutes. Number one, what's your challenge? You identify what's holding you back right now. Number two, you find your power. Song. Music has the power to instantly shift your energy. What's. Song that makes you feel unstoppable. It lights you up, and you can't be low energy when you hear it. Think of all the great, empowering songs that you know right now. Wicked, awesome. I will survive right from the past. Gloria Gaynor, this girl is on fire. I swear I listen to it every day. I want you to think of your song. What song is coming to you right now? That's your power song for absolutely this part, this self love. Then three, visualize the win. Visualize the win. Not number one, where we were saying, What is the biggest challenge, but what's the win? Create a movie in your mind. Imagine overcoming the challenge with all five senses just lighting you up. The senses are, see it, feel it, hear it, smell it, taste it. This is what really gets things going in your brain. What color are you wearing? How do you feel? How do you feel to know that you can do anything? And then step four, take one micro action. I call them micro pops, these pops of inspiration. You're tuning into the song. You are thinking at a different level, so you're getting better answers. What's the one thing that you can do right now to move forward? This process rewires your brain to focus on possibilities rather than problems. It allows you to literally move from those all of the external, all of the circumstances and you internally can absolutely affect what's going on on the outside. That's where I often say internal strength gives you quantum outer success.

Here's the exciting part, when you master self love, it doesn't just transform the inner world. It shows up everywhere else. I've had people say to me, Hillary. People are telling me, I look younger. People are telling me like, you know, asking me, Have I lost weight? I mean, this is the energy that we emit, and in your business, self love looks like, wow, you're setting those boundaries. You're saying no to what doesn't serve you. You're stepping into opportunities that align with your purpose. And here's the thing, you're not in your personal life or your professional life. You're not shrinking to fit someone else's expectations and in your life, overall, self love fuels resilience. Right? Relaunches are gonna happen. They're gonna happen one you might even be in right now. But it doesn't have to just cause you to be like, stuck where you are instead, instead, self love literally helps with fueling the resilience creativity and the confidence to make your big dreams a reality. Shoot for the North Star, and this is why you know you hear me often say, I've got this program flip your world and in a quantum way, these workshops 40 days, 40 days to make it happen. This doesn't have to take a long time we want to make you have a rich life. Now, the most important love lesson of all is date yourself.

Okay, so here's where it gets fun and, yes, a little uncomfortable. The single most important thing I've learned. And as someone who works with high achieving people, and this is not just like us, this is worldwide. You have to move on this. You can't let this like, Oh, that's a really good idea. No, you need to date yourself. So if you're craving love, you're craving connection, you want something different, and you want someone to adore you, why not start by being that person for yourself. This is more than just the bubble baths and the candles and don't get me wrong, I love that stuff, but it's about genuinely treating yourself the way you'd want someone else to treat you. So I want you to ask yourself, ask yourself this, what would you want in the perfect partner? Would you want someone kind, attentive, thoughtful, great. Now it's time for you to be that person. Take yourself on the best date you've ever had, buy those flowers. Buy anything sweet that you want. You love adventures. Well, put on those boots and go out there. You like to get Manny petty massages. Make it happen. You want to feel glamorous. My God, put on that dress that you've been saving. So. Saving for that someday, and take yourself today, out to a dinner. Enjoy you've wanted to go to that place go. This might sound silly at first, but trust me, there's nothing more transformative than showing yourself that you have a love for you and that you care, that you want. You want to have the self love so someone else can give you that. And the best part, when you treat yourself this way, you set a new standard again.

The goal is to have so much fun with yourself. Have you ever had belly laugh with just you? Huh? If you don't know how to do it, watch a movie. Go watch Wedding Crashers. Go watch bridesmaids. Go watch anything that makes you laugh, because when you love your own company, the right people will love it too. So here's your homework. I want you to date yourself for a week. I know some of you are like, oh boy. I want you to commit to being kind, loving, generous with you, compliment yourself, take care of yourself, most importantly, enjoy yourself when you hear those, those the critics, the judges, the saboteurs, I mean literally, Wonder Woman them, like, do everything you can, because I want you to feel it, to feel lighter, happier. I mean, this is where joie de vivre, the joy of life, comes from. Who doesn't want that? I want you to leave with this thought. Self love isn't just an idea. It's an action. It's about showing up for yourself every single day. Whether that's buying something special for you, leaving yourself a little love note, maybe it's just being like, yeah, you know what? Hey, I'm pretty incredible. And here's the thing, when you love yourself this way, you don't just change your inner world. This affects everything. You're going to attract better opportunities, I want to hear about them. You're going to attract stronger connections, a life that feels so rich, but not just in one area, in every single area.

So are you ready to relaunch your love life by falling in love with you. Because I promise you, when you do this, the best is about to happen. So call to action for all of you. If today's episode was like, oh my god, I needed to hear this, it's time to take the next step in your journey. We've created a free a free like document, a free PDF for you that's going to lead you through relaunch date yourself. It is seven days, and you're going to do something every single day. It is fun. It is the ultimate self love challenge that you can do for yourself. You can grab it at WWW dot relaunch, date yourself.com. Relaunch, date yourself.com. Again. This is it seven day challenge. Go date you. Go see what it really feels like. Go see how this is going to absolutely impact your life and again. Live now. Love yourself now, and relaunch now, and we'll be back next week. Don't forget, go grab it. Go grab it before it's gone. And that's at WWW dot relaunch. Date yourself.com. It's free, it's free, and it's just waiting for you to grab it. Take care. Everyone, happy. Valentines.