The Movie ‘Book Club’ – The Perils Of Aging

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learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think Be it the

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podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

John Mitchell: 00:01:02

Hey. And I'm John Michell. So today we're going to

John Mitchell: 00:01:06

talk about the movie, The Book Club. Now, they have a new

John Mitchell: 00:01:11

version of it out that's in Venice, but but I'm talking

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about the original one that was done. I don't know three years

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ago had Jane Fonda. Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:27

Mary Mary students. steenberge.

John Mitchell: 00:01:29

Yeah, yes, that's right. And so is interesting. So

John Mitchell: 00:01:34

a week or so ago, I don't know where ginger was, but But I

John Mitchell: 00:01:39

decided I wanted to watch a movie. And so I'm like, I bet

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that'll be pretty interesting. And you know, to set the stage

John Mitchell: 00:01:47

here, the story is that you've got these four different women,

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one's a federal judge, one. Jane Fonda owns a big hotel. One's a

John Mitchell: 00:02:02

chef, and one, her husband just died and semi successful. And so

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but in all of their cases, their the intimate side of their life

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has ended. There's no sex, there's no intimacy, and, but

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they're all sort of functional, and they're having their life.

John Mitchell: 00:02:29

And one of them, they had this book club, and they read a new

John Mitchell: 00:02:33

book every month. And so one of them suggests they read the book

John Mitchell: 00:02:37

50 Shades of Grey. Have you seen that book or

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:41

not? I've not read the book. I saw the movie,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:43

though book club, when it came out, like three years ago,

John Mitchell: 00:02:47

as a free hot movie. Anyway, so they're,

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they're reading the book, and it, you know, let's say

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stimulates them to open up that side of their life. And they all

John Mitchell: 00:03:01

go and have an affair of some sort. And I'm watching it. And

John Mitchell: 00:03:08

of course, I'm why looking at it from the lens of think it, be

John Mitchell: 00:03:12

it? And I'm like, Well, why is that happened that that whole

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side of their life has, has gone dead. Sort of probably, over

John Mitchell: 00:03:26

time, you know, it's happening, slowly, but surely, and maybe

John Mitchell: 00:03:30

not even consciously. And again, all the women are in their late

John Mitchell: 00:03:35

60s, early 70s. And I'm like, boy, I see this. So clearly.

John Mitchell: 00:03:43

They have nothing that is pulling their life forward in

John Mitchell: 00:03:48

the direction, they want it to go. They're just getting up

John Mitchell: 00:03:51

doing what they always do. And, and because they have no mindset

John Mitchell: 00:03:57

practice, each morning and their morning routine. They're wired

John Mitchell: 00:04:02

for survival. And, and 90% of their thoughts are fear based.

John Mitchell: 00:04:07

And, and they're reactive. And so that's what is driving their

John Mitchell: 00:04:11

life. And as as they're getting older, they're their life is

John Mitchell: 00:04:15

contracting. You know, because that's what happens as you get

John Mitchell: 00:04:19

older, when you get, you know, I don't know, to a lot of people

John Mitchell: 00:04:24

in their 60s 70s and 80s. Boy, their life starts to really

John Mitchell: 00:04:29

contract and it is all happening, basically,

John Mitchell: 00:04:33

subconsciously. And it made me think of how powerful think it

John Mitchell: 00:04:38

be it is and that when you have this a synced articulation of

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your life, and where you want to go and how you're going to get

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there. Boy, that's that's like this locomotive pulling your

John Mitchell: 00:04:52

life forward, and you're the creator of this life that you're

John Mitchell: 00:04:57

pulling forward. And it was so impactful for me to, to see

John Mitchell: 00:05:02

that, that that that's why they that part of their life died and

John Mitchell: 00:05:07

how easy it is to fix that. But what's your take on all that?

John Mitchell: 00:05:12

Yeah, no,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:12

I see that completely. And I can't help.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:14

It's so funny when we talk about that think it'd be a method, you

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:19

know, and one of the components of method of the method is the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:23

growth. It's a focus on growing. Right. And would it be fair to

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:28

say, I mean, do you think that this is true, or that there

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:31

could be some validity to this, that oftentimes, when people get

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:35

into their 60s 70s, that there isn't a focus on continuing to

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:43

grow? To excel? You know, you talked about contracting? Well,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:48

that's the very opposite of growth. Yeah, the opposite of a

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:51

growth mindset of, you know, learning new things, new

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:55

challenges, things along those lines. And so, you know, I think

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:59

that that's one of the things that might happen, you know, as

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:03

you age is that, you know, you get into, maybe you're not in

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:08

your career, and so that part of your life isn't, you're not

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:12

developing a skill anymore, or that's related to your career,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:16

you know, or, you know, there just isn't that focus on

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:20

growing. So do you think that that is true, too? And that's

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:23

such a critical part of the method. But do you feel like

Kelly Hatfield: 00:06:27

that could be part of the equation as well?

John Mitchell: 00:06:30

Absolutely. Kelly, you know, I think, well,

John Mitchell: 00:06:33

first of all, I think that very few people actually grow,

John Mitchell: 00:06:38

whether they're in their 20s 30s 40s, or 50s, they think

John Mitchell: 00:06:42

they're growing more often than not, they're entertaining

John Mitchell: 00:06:45

themselves, they're not growing in something that is strategic

John Mitchell: 00:06:49

relative to what they want to accomplish. But I think it's

John Mitchell: 00:06:52

particularly true when people get in their 60s and 70s, and

John Mitchell: 00:06:58

80s. And, you know, I, I'm glad you asked this, because one of

John Mitchell: 00:07:04

the things I've seen in my myself, is my approach to growth

John Mitchell: 00:07:09

has changed really, over the last year or so I used to try

John Mitchell: 00:07:14

and read a book a month. And then I'm like, you know, it

John Mitchell: 00:07:19

takes so long to read a book if you're a slow reader like I am.

John Mitchell: 00:07:22

And, and, and, you know, I used to be very concerned about

John Mitchell: 00:07:29

reading about marketing, you know, I mean, we think it be it,

John Mitchell: 00:07:34

we don't market it. Well, I mean, you know, if people want

John Mitchell: 00:07:37

to do it, they come to us, and, and, you know, I got a whole

John Mitchell: 00:07:41

world of teaching it to athletes at the University of Texas. But

John Mitchell: 00:07:46

besides entrepreneurs, so you know, marketing is just not

John Mitchell: 00:07:51

something that I am concerned about today, whereas I was big

John Mitchell: 00:07:56

time concerned about it a year or two ago. And I started to see

John Mitchell: 00:08:00

how powerful YouTube is, it's basically getting you to

John Mitchell: 00:08:04

premium, because then you can download videos, and like, just

John Mitchell: 00:08:08

last week, I'm like, What do I want to grow on? And I decided I

John Mitchell: 00:08:13

wanted to be more more grateful, have more gratitude, and maybe,

John Mitchell: 00:08:20

maybe not, I mean, I'm, I'm very grateful and have a lot of

John Mitchell: 00:08:25

gratitude, but I want to understand it deeper in terms

John Mitchell: 00:08:28

of, instead of intellectually, thinking I'm grateful for this

John Mitchell: 00:08:33

grateful for that, I want to feel that gratefulness and just

John Mitchell: 00:08:38

take it at a deeper level. And so I started watching videos on

John Mitchell: 00:08:44

YouTube around, you know, learning gratitude at a deeper

John Mitchell: 00:08:49

level. And, you know, that has been really powerful, but, but

John Mitchell: 00:08:55

you always got to have something that intellectually you want to

John Mitchell: 00:09:00

grow in, and because the more you grow, the more it opens up

John Mitchell: 00:09:06

the rest of your life and other ways to grow. Right.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:09

Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:11

think it's critical, I think, just when you stop growing, you

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:15

know, what's the opposite of growth? You know, what I mean?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:18

Right down eventually, you know,

John Mitchell: 00:09:21

I don't know that that I don't necessarily think

John Mitchell: 00:09:24

it's death as much as it's maybe it's intellectual death. Yeah.

John Mitchell: 00:09:29

You know, and you know, intellectual death also means

John Mitchell: 00:09:34

being very fear based and I don't know if you see this with

John Mitchell: 00:09:38

your, your mom and dad. But as they get older, there's they're

John Mitchell: 00:09:46

very much wired to fear and, and things that didn't used to

John Mitchell: 00:09:51

scare. Scare them. Now, right under percent.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:54

Yep. And I think whether it's my parents, whether

Kelly Hatfield: 00:09:57

it's the parents of friends You know, I see that a lot where

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:01

they're in that fear base, you know, their watch or whatever

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:04

they're watching on TV is feedings, you know, and then

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:07

also, too, it's so interesting. Like, I think, too, we talked

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:12

about stories in our prior episode. And, you know, I see so

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:19

much, what's the word that I'm looking for lack of fulfillment?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:24

I think some regret. Bitterness? Yeah, you know, and I see in

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:31

people who stop who have, quote, unquote, retired, yeah, and then

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:36

just kind of what happens, you know, if you're not moving

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:40

towards something, if you don't have a plan for, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:44

whether that's growing, whether it's a pot, like, I don't know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:48

I just feel like, I see it as like the kiss of death from a,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:52

you know, not necessarily like, I want to work until the day I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:55

go, but I want to make an impact and contribute. And, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:59

and I think when that's one of the things when I think about,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:03

like, the book club, you know, that you were talking about are

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:06

people that are in that phase of their life who aren't doing

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:10

something meaningful to them. Right? How it impacts their

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:14

mindset, it impacts the story, they're telling about their

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:18

story and their life. You know, what I mean? And again, that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:23

contraction that you're talking about, where everything, you

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:26

know, gets small, and you're in that fear based space? And so,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:32

yeah,

John Mitchell: 00:11:33

you know, I know exactly what you mean, you know,

John Mitchell: 00:11:36

I think I told you a while back, I went to my high school

John Mitchell: 00:11:39

reunion, and I'm like, I have nothing in common with these

John Mitchell: 00:11:45

guys. Nothing. And, and I'm like, that is really

John Mitchell: 00:11:50

interesting. They're all, you know, on the path to, to landing

John Mitchell: 00:11:55

the plane and calling it a day. And that's exactly the opposite

John Mitchell: 00:12:00

of me. And, you know, I now I know, that sounds like, I'm

John Mitchell: 00:12:04

better than them. And I don't mean it that way. And I've as

John Mitchell: 00:12:08

I've thought about this, I'm like, What a gift, think it be,

John Mitchell: 00:12:12

it has been for me, because in the second half of my life, I'll

John Mitchell: 00:12:18

do this forever. And it's always going to be iterating and

John Mitchell: 00:12:22

evolving. And, you know, there's this, this group of people that

John Mitchell: 00:12:27

we teach this to that, that, you know, we take them along that,

John Mitchell: 00:12:31

that journey as they're, they're doing it and I've now come to

John Mitchell: 00:12:35

appreciate what a true gift thing can be. It has been to my

John Mitchell: 00:12:41

life and and as a source to help people and, and I know that you

John Mitchell: 00:12:46

feel the same way. But as you get older, and as you, you get

John Mitchell: 00:12:52

to that point where it's time to, quote unquote, retire,

John Mitchell: 00:12:56

require, re retire from the having to work world, you know,

John Mitchell: 00:13:04

then you have to recreate what is that? What is my new life

John Mitchell: 00:13:09

look like, and you got to create something that gives your life

John Mitchell: 00:13:12

meaning. And that's harder for some people to do than others,

John Mitchell: 00:13:17

but, but if you really think about it, you can, you can

John Mitchell: 00:13:21

create a life where you give yourself meaning, where you're

John Mitchell: 00:13:25

helping other people in some way, and you're not on the nine

John Mitchell: 00:13:30

to five schedule, and you can sort of do life on your own

John Mitchell: 00:13:33

terms, but, but at the end of the day, you got to be doing

John Mitchell: 00:13:37

something that helps other people for your life to have

John Mitchell: 00:13:41

meaning

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:42

100% Nope, I would 100% agree with you. And I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:45

think that's part of the challenge, you know, that I see

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:47

with the older people that are around me, you know, again,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:50

parents, their friends and my parents and, you know, in laws

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:54

and is just that their world has gotten so small, their career,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:59

their identity was tied up in their work, they didn't do the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:03

work of being like, okay, so that chapter, you know, is is

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:09

close, what can I carry with me into this next chapter? Who do I

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:12

want to be? What do I want to achieve? Like, it's almost like,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:16

it's when the career is over. Everybody stops, the identity is

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:22

over. And it's like, okay, well, like you said, now I'm just

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:24

gonna kind of slide into, you know, home and it's like, No, we

Kelly Hatfield: 00:14:28

got one shot at this man.

John Mitchell: 00:14:31

You know, I just had lunch with a friend of mine.

John Mitchell: 00:14:37

And I know I've mentioned her before, but they were my

John Mitchell: 00:14:41

neighbors here. And you know, unlike Austin, and when I first

John Mitchell: 00:14:45

moved here, they were my first friends. They live two houses

John Mitchell: 00:14:50

down and I loved we used we used to party all the time every

John Mitchell: 00:14:55

night. It was a happy hour, but I watched their nightmare. Our

John Mitchell: 00:15:00

marriage for 20 years, literally, I mean, it was, they

John Mitchell: 00:15:04

were always at each other. And I'm like, Oh, just get a

John Mitchell: 00:15:08

divorce, you know, but I love both of them. Now they are

John Mitchell: 00:15:13

getting a divorce. And so I sat down with with her about a month

John Mitchell: 00:15:19

ago. And I'm all excited, I'm like, this is a perfect

John Mitchell: 00:15:24

opportunity to recreate your life, you she's, she's like 51

John Mitchell: 00:15:30

now, and you got a blank sheet of paper. And the divorce is

John Mitchell: 00:15:35

basically about over you can create whatever life you want.

John Mitchell: 00:15:40

I'm so excited. She's not as excited because she's bogged

John Mitchell: 00:15:46

down with insecurity and fear of the future and nothing really

John Mitchell: 00:15:53

pulling her forward. Now she's had to go back to work. And

John Mitchell: 00:15:57

she's a schoolteacher, and she didn't like being a teacher, and

John Mitchell: 00:16:01

which, you know, I can understand what a what a great

John Mitchell: 00:16:04

profession but But I understand, and I saw how your image of

John Mitchell: 00:16:10

yourself. And again, the stories you tell yourself can hugely

John Mitchell: 00:16:15

impact whether you really can take that blank sheet of paper

John Mitchell: 00:16:19

and create the life you want easy for me to see her doing it

John Mitchell: 00:16:24

because she has so many great qualities. But I was stunned by

John Mitchell: 00:16:29

how she can't see it. I mean, it was interesting,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:33

it's interesting, when you're in the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:34

middle of something like that, when there's so much emotion

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:37

around it, it's easy for you to see it because you're objective

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:42

you're not, you're on the outside looking at this amazing

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:45

woman and seeing the possibilities for her that she

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:49

can't see for herself right now too, because she is in the

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:52

middle of this. And again, the stories that she's telling

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:55

herself about being in her 50s and divorced, and, you know, all

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:00

of that. And so and you know, divorce is such a, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:05

there's a process you've got to go through, you got to you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:08

where you're grieving that and like, so she's still going

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:11

through all of that stuff. Definitely if the divorce isn't

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:13

final, so suddenly on the other side of it, but isn't that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:17:16

interesting?

John Mitchell: 00:17:17

Right? Well, I was telling her it of course,

John Mitchell: 00:17:20

you know, I'm saying, let me show you how to manipulate men.

John Mitchell: 00:17:24

I mean, men are so easy to manipulate. And she's very

John Mitchell: 00:17:28

attractive and, and great personality, great sense of

John Mitchell: 00:17:31

humor. I'm like, you, you're just going to crush it in the

John Mitchell: 00:17:35

dating world. I mean, you're just going to crush it in. And,

John Mitchell: 00:17:39

you know, of course, I see so much potential, because she's

John Mitchell: 00:17:42

right at that 50 year mark that was so transformative in my

John Mitchell: 00:17:47

life. I'm like, What a life happened after 50 I mean, you

John Mitchell: 00:17:52

know, I had 50 times the life in it since I've been 50 that I had

John Mitchell: 00:17:58

in the prior 50 Year 50 years. So you know, it's funny how it

John Mitchell: 00:18:03

works.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:04

Yeah, lots of opportunity, that's for sure.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:06

And the cool part about it, too, is where she's at. And I think

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:09

the great thing that comes with age, we've talked about this in

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:12

prior episodes is just the wisdom, you know, comes from

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:15

having gone through what you've gone through and, and, you know,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:18:19

so she's got all of that to pull from to hopefully, you know,

John Mitchell: 00:18:22

right. So I think the takeaway from this and

John Mitchell: 00:18:25

again, getting back to the the book club and the for women in

John Mitchell: 00:18:29

their lives, sort of being in the ditch and in terms of

John Mitchell: 00:18:33

romance is that your thoughts? Create your actions, and your

John Mitchell: 00:18:38

actions create the life you have. Therefore, as you go

John Mitchell: 00:18:42

through life, you've got to have something that's pulling your

John Mitchell: 00:18:46

thoughts through on a continual basis, because that's affects

John Mitchell: 00:18:50

your, your actions. And that's exactly what our 12 minute day

John Mitchell: 00:18:54

methodology does. So, until next time, we'll see you

Kelly Hatfield: 00:19:02

thanks for listening today. If you've had

Kelly Hatfield: 00:19:05

your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an

Kelly Hatfield: 00:19:09

email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So

Kelly Hatfield: 00:19:14

email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or

Kelly Hatfield: 00:19:17

John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional