Patience With Other People

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Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, I've got a good topic for us today.

Yes, I'm excited.

Patience with other people. When we need that.

I think we do. I can't wait to hear where this conversation is gonna go?

Well, I'll tell you. I'm pissed about something. I knew this. Why? Why gloss over it? I am pissed. Hey, so you may not be aware of this. This amazes me. You know, without being negative. This amazes me. So in the state of Texas, we've been impeaching our Attorney General. Have you heard about this?

Yes. Yeah. On national news, right. Just in the news the other day.

So and you know, Texas is a Republican state. He's a Republican attorney general. You know, one of the things that irritated the hell out of me was he sort of led the effort after Trump lost the election to go and challenge various states election results and took it to the Supreme Court. Well, the supreme court looks at it goes this is ridiculous, just dismisses the case. But what the bigger story is, the house he got? He was he wrongfully terminated a number of his lieutenants, because they went to the FBI, and said, Hey, this guy is neglecting his duties and improperly using the Office of the Attorney General to help one of his contributors, who who is also had hired his mistress, you know, and so I was very interested in all this, I watch the opening remarks on both sides, and then the closing remarks. And I'm like, this is such a lay down, it hurts. I mean, the evidence was just overwhelming against him. Well, they come back Saturday and acquittee. And I'm like, how does that happen? I mean, so many things, I mean, corruption and they can prove and and, you know, the moral turpitude of having a mistress and all that, and like even the defense attorney said, Boy, if we were going to impeach people for having mistresses, we'd have a line out the door. I'm like, maybe in your world, a scumbag attorney about the world I live and I don't see people having affairs now. I'm sure they are but non to is not normal. And you know, he's just irritating. That, you know, our top law enforcement officer in the state is flagrantly having an affair and flagrantly misusing his office. And you know, it made me think about being frustrated with with people and come to grips with how people can have such an enlightened views and how other people can sport support those unenlightened views. Oh, well, what's your take on all that? Wow, that's a loaded. Yes, it is loaded. But I know you got truth bombs today. So

Oh, my gosh, earlier, so I know. I wish we'd

Recorded that. There's more than that head of yours.

i Well, you know what, I'll tell you. I wish that I had something brilliant to say right now. But I find myself shaking my head. As I'm watching like that situation or what? There's so much happening in the world right now that I'm like, What is going on? You know, just as far as lodge deck, as far as values, as far as, you know, the just because something is said doesn't mean that it's true. So do a little bit of research, you know, and figure out whether, you know, make sure that you've got a full picture before you, you know, there's so much conspiracy stuff going on and all of those things. And so yeah, it's just a really interesting time right now. I don't know what they, you know, I'm not sure what the answers are. I don't have anything brilliant to say right now. Because I literally find myself just shaking my head watching the news and all of this stuff going on right now in the world.

Right. You know, I know what you're saying, you know, I think, you know, I look back on life, funny, 30 years ago, I mean, you were in kindergarten, back, then.

There's a reason why you're one of my favorite people.

I mean, you were concerned about what flavor ice cream we ran. But, you know, back back then, you know, people obviously had different opinions. But they weren't harebrained i opinions and and, you know, opinions that made no sense at all. You know, you just, I mean, you just didn't see that. But today, I think the fundamental problem is, is that, and we've talked about this before, there's no truth, there's no truth today. And, you know, I'll pin A lot of this on Donald Trump for, you know, promoting the big lie, and, and just making lying, you know, part of everyday life and the absence of, of truth. And you know, when you can't, when you can't define a truth is really hard to move forward, like, like, a truth is that people shouldn't cheat on their spouse. Well, that's not a truth anymore, you know, obviously, by evidence by the state of Texas, but you know, it's awful hard to, for me to figure out how you move forward with people that are taking positions that are blatantly wrong, you know,

Yeah, I think one of the the tools that I've been using, you know, whether it's with family members or with, it's just we talk about this a lot, but the quality of your questions, you know, like, so seeking first to understand and being like, okay, so help me understand, you know, your viewpoint on this, why do you think that to just kind of start to a dialogue, instead of the this vitriol where you're wrong? I'm right. You know, and I think when you can, you know, just with that power of influence and persuasion, when you can, you're never going to change anybody's mind. But I think, you know, being able to have a conversation, you know, around it, you can still agree to disagree, but having a respectful conversation, and just figuring out, like, what makes this person tick? Why do they think that, you know, there's this ring of, of celebrities, you know, training babies out of the basement of a pizza parlor? You know what I mean?

Yeah, right. Right. You know, I tell you, Kelly, that that is the truth bomb I was looking for seriously, because, you know, if you engage with someone, and make them defend their position, with the perspective that you're just trying to learn, and you're asking them, there's no way that they can, you know, sustain their position on the cross of their position. And, you know, that's a that's a very good point. You know, it's, it's interesting to talk about politicians. Alyssa, this is interesting. I met Nikki Haley last week, okay. And she, she was she was here in Austin, sort of under the radar. I've liked Nikki Haley, and I was on the welcoming committee here. And may host her at my house. Next time she comes. But so ginger, and I go, and there's probably 50 people there, one of which was Lance Armstrong, who, who I had gotten to know, many years ago. And so, you know, you can say what you want about Lance Armstrong, but he's certainly an interesting guy. Anyway, so we're meeting with Nikki Haley. And my big purpose in going was I had something that I really wanted to talk to her I really want her think about something and that. I don't know if I told you this before this. Probably not. Yeah. So about Two years ago, Biden is overseas on a trip and a reporter comes up to him and says, What's your position on Taiwan? Well, you know, for decades, the position of it's always sorted to be ambiguous about what we would do what we wouldn't do with Taiwan. Well, in that moment, again, off the cuff, he says, Well, you know, we will defend Taiwan, we'll put our full military men and women equipment to defend them, not just support them, like we support Ukraine with selling him stuff or giving him stuff, but will actually defend him. Well, you know, I'm like, wow, you know, this doesn't look like there was a lot of forethought when like he pulled his team together to rethink this was just off the top of his head. And so, and I'm explaining this to Nikki. And, and so three months ago, I see a episode of 60 minutes and, and they're interviewing the Secretary of the Navy. And the Secretary looks straight in the camera to 60 minutes and says, you know, this, this policy about Taiwan is something we really want to rethink, because if we support and defend Taiwan, China is going to do a couple of things. First of all, they're going to bomb the ports, in in on the West Coast, maybe Seattle, as well. And they're going to cyber attack the west coast and knock out the power grid, all over Taiwan. And so I wasn't sure she had seen that, but I wanted to connect the dots for her. Like, she probably didn't need me to do that. But that I felt so strongly about it, that I felt like I needed to talk to her about it. And because, you know, we're gonna go to World War Three over Taiwan, you know, ridiculous, but that concerns me the direction that that Biden's taken our country. But, you know, the takeaway just just to get the takeaway, I was totally impressed with Nikki Haley from her, her grace, her her clarity of, of how she says things and think through things you'll see she's very, very articulate, she doesn't stumble over her words. And I have you looked at her much.

Oh, yeah. C sharp, you know, I watched, you know, obviously been watching the debates, because I'm just interested. But, you know, I'm not a Republican, but I'm not either. anymore. But I, I've been watching her and she's sharp. You know, there are some things that I, you know, again, we're not on the same page, but hey, here, when we're talking about leaders, and would like, the thing that is blowing my mind is, you know, I'm looking for somebody who actually cares about the American people and wants to work for everyone. Right? Not just the white men, but

What's wrong with white men.

Like, and who has the character who, you know, really does care and wants to make change and a difference in the world. And I don't have to believe on every policy, but I need to believe that the person who's representing our country and me, is a good person, and has values. And you know, what I mean, and it's good to surround themselves, with the right people where they're not it, you know, where it isn't, their strengths are the right people for the job that so we're in good hands as a country, you know, not the, the, you know, whoever the minion are the kiss asses at the moment, you know, like we need, you know, that's what I'm looking for all I will, you know, vote for whoever is going to bring that to the, you know, to the table and, and, like, Biden has got so many great characteristics as far as character and things are concerned, but I'm on the same page with so many people where I'm like, Okay, I think it's time to pass the baton. But that's what is blowing my mind to be where we started, you know, about what's happening with Texas and that Attorney General and, you know, with the former president, you know, I'm like, what happened? You know, now, I know that you were talking about affairs and everything, listen, you know, don't kid yourself as far as like men in power in powerful positions, most of them are having affairs. It just is the it's unfortunate. And that's where the hypocrisy comes in. Where it's like, Oh, you'll you'll hold that Bible high and everything but you don't act in accordance with it. And you know, as I say, not as I do, you know, all of those things that I think that so many People are just getting so tired of and, and disenfranchised. You know what I mean? So we're talking about all these things, I just keep thinking about it from a leadership perspective, whether you're leading a company, whether you're leading a team, whether you're there's so much that I'm seeing that is in absolute contrast on the whole other side of the equation of how you would show up as a leader in a company. Right, what I mean and what and get the results and get people in create that they're doing that with fear. And with when you call it, like, the skeletons in the closet, the leverage they have over someone get well, you know, so that's what I find, really, I'm impatient about we talked, we started this conversation around this thing about impatience. Right, right. No, and I think that's for me, you know, where I'm just like, you know, but again, I just keep asking questions. And I just hope, I hope, I hope that, you know, yeah, we go on a different course than we're on right now. Because it's a head shaker every night when I'm watching them.

Well, you know, it's interesting, you know, I, I have gotten a lot and I put this in my visualisation, I've read every day that, you know, people are a function of their unique genetics, and what has come in to their consciousness. That's what makes all of us and and when other people have a different view than say, I do. Of course they do. They have different genetics, they've had different life experiences. And, and, you know, but but, you know, the fundamental truths seem to be put by the wayside today. And but the other thing I realized is that people success in life comes down to how enlightened they are. And it always ultimately plays out that that way. And as an example of how this will play out for Ken Paxton, the Attorney General, yeah, he he got a reprieve now, but guess what, about six months ago, in San Antonio, the FBI convened a grand jury to indict him for all the saints. And so now you're gonna have the full weight of the US government coming after him. And there won't be politics at play here, you know, and he's going to be wearing an ankle bracelet before this thing is over, if not cozying up to Baba. And so, you know, his day is coming. This is not over. Yeah. And I don't know that I sort of had that attitude that when people have just very misguided opinions, their day is coming. You know, because that's, that's how life works out. If you're an enlightened, you're gonna have your commitments. It may not be immediately but you know, if you're, if you're cheating on your your wife, yeah, that's a lot of fun in it is great. How's that gonna play out in a few years? I'm thinking not so well. Right. You know?

No, I hope that'll come back to haunt you. What kind of Yeah, I mean, like,

These guys. Yeah. But at least Nikki Haley His reinstated my belief and politicians. She was she was telling us. And she's this is interesting. So she's from South Carolina, grew up in South Carolina, and she became an accountant. And she said, she said, You know, I think the United States needs more accountants and less lawyers. And, and she said that when she was about 30 years old, she was talking to her mom, and she was complaining about government. And our mom said, We'll do something about it instead of just complaining. So naively, she runs for House of Representatives seat in the in the state of South Carolina's house, and goes up against a incumbent that had been there 25 years and, you know, had no chance of beating him. But she does yell and and then she ultimately becomes the governor of South Carolina and ultimately becomes the UN Ambassador under Trump. But you know, her story was so I don't know, just normal. And and you can see that she's just got a way about her confidence. And I was just before we got on, I interviewed CDC, the athletic director for University of Texas and I told him about meeting her and I was telling him, I said, you know, you'll find this this strange, but she's got the same qualities that Steve Sarkeesian says and you know, you know, Steve, I mean, you know how he is you just our football coach. He's, which by the way, we're number three. In the country now, just throw that in the nose. But he's got, you know, I've met very few people that have that. Just calm, clarity. And so it's encouraging that there's people like that. And so I guess, to wrap this up, I guess the takeaway in terms of patience with other people? I don't know what, give us give us your takeaway for being patient with other people?

Yeah, I think it just goes back to what I mentioned earlier, where my patience comes from, too, as it helps first to seek where people are coming from. Yes, you know, what I mean, and just having more clarity and understanding of what their perspective is, and why they have that perspective. And that often helps me become more patient, because then I'm like, oh, you know, 90% of the time, they just heard a sound bite on the news, they don't really have a position, they just have the idea that nobody's going to take my guns away, or whatever it is. Yeah. Like, well, no, nine to, you know, unless you're nosy so. Right, right. But anyway, you know, I think that's my, that's my take away, as far as patience is to just slow down, you're not going to get anywhere when you have an adversarial conversation, and yet somebody where they feel cornered and that they need to be defensive, the conversation stops, there's no movement, at least if you seek first to understand, and you have, then it opens the door to maybe, you know, who knows, maybe, you know, they'll they'll tab a dialogue around a topic and maybe get them thinking about something a little differently than they had before. It doesn't take you're not trying to change their mind. But maybe you can start to have, you know, more effective or meaningful conversations that aren't so you know, adversarial. So for me, it's just asking more questions to help get my patients because then that gives me perspective. And I'm like, Oh, I get why they're thinking that way. Right. Yeah.

You know, that's, that's, that's great. You know, one of the seven habits of highly effective people is seek to understand before seeking to be understood, yeah. And I think that's a great lesson for all of us. So, well, until next time, we'll see you.

Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at kelly@thikitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life