Influence – Influencing Other People, Influencing Yourself (Encore)

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Welcome to think Be it the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's the subject today, let's, let's talk about the idea of influence influencing other people and influencing yourself. And so how, how do you influence other people? If you had to summarize how you influence other people? How do you do it?

Um, I do it by by showing, I lead by example. You know, so I feel like I influence others by again, being the example. And, you know, when I think with my team, let's say in influencing them, you know, it's having them be part of the solution, be part of the discussion, you know, and so for me, really, it's about, you know, how I'm showing up. And that's with everybody, I think about other, you know, leaders, because if you were to ask me the definition of leadership, in what if I were to define leadership in one word, it would be influence. Yeah, you know, good, bad, or otherwise, you're either going to be a terrible influence, you know, or you're gonna be, you know, a great influence, you know, and then all the little pieces in between, but I think, for me, how I influence others is how I show up and being that role model.

Yeah, that's, that's very good. You know, I tell you, from my standpoint, I see how impactful it is to learn, like the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. And I see this idea of, of, you know, in the book, it talks about the impact of saying a person's first name. And, and I have, I have really over my life, tried to get people's first names and say it in the conversation and, and I don't remember, you may not remember this. But remember when we interviewed Steve Sarkisian, the the head football coach at the University of Texas, and throughout that interview, he'd go, John, such and such, and they go, Kelly, this is what I in his, you know, and he probably said each far names three or four times, and you know, it it,

do you remember that? Oh, yeah, absolutely, I do.

And, and he is one of the best at doing it very naturally, but I see the power of, of, you know, applying How to win friends and influence people the idea of saying people's names of smiling, of seeing things from their point of view. And, and I know, that's what you really mean by showing up like you want to show up, right?

Well, it's a part of it, but definitely not all of it, you know, I think it's about it's this exchange of energy, right? You ask people good, bad or otherwise, through the energy you're bringing to a situation and how you're showing up in a room, you know, and they're the little things that you can do like saying somebody's name, like being very, very present. We've talked about that before, to where when you're locked in, you know, with somebody, and they feel like you're the you know, you don't have your phone out, you're not paying attention to it like they're important. And then you're going to influence them differently than if you did have your phone out. And they could tell that they're number three on the priority on your list right now in what's in front of you. So it's all of those little things, John, in the name being one of them is huge. And you know, another really interesting thing too, about the name is think about, if you're in a crowded room, and you hear your name, you hear John often that like in somebody else's conversation, you're going to perk up like your brain. That's one of the things that it is hardwired. To hear is your name. When is your own name? You know, and so there's some chemicals that take place when you hear your name, and wondering, and so that's a really powerful thing for influence. Absolutely. But it's more than that, you know, it's, like I mentioned mentioned earlier, it's, you know, it's how it's the energy you're bringing into the room. And that's one of the things I was it's like, be responsible for the energy you bring into this room, because it absolutely influences the outcomes.

You know, I love your term. Energy Exchange. That's, that's true. And, and I was watching the evening news, I guess it's Friday, and they were talking about this, this, at this school, this teacher had the idea of, of writing a note and giving the note to a student and complimenting him this idea of complimenting, and it was so powerful the emotion that came from, you know, that exchange of of energy and that idea of complementing each other. I mean, it was amazing. And the other thing that that I was just talking to ginger about this a few minutes ago, is, you know, we went out for dinner a week or so ago. And everybody is just so nice. They're just just, you know, people are smiling, and they're nice, and they're thoughtful. And and, you know, we've lately been noticing just how nice people are. And yeah, we talked about in this country, how much division and how all the things that are wrong. You know, there's a ton of things that are right there more things, way more things that are right in this country. And, you know, I just, I don't know, have you experienced this lately, or noticed it lately? The people are just nice.

I think that, hey, this is whatever you look for, you will find? Yeah. And so if you're looking and your, your expectation is that people are going to be nice and positive, and you're being nice and positive, goes back to what we were just talking about, you're influencing that interaction, you know, so you're more likely to have somebody be friendly back to you, if you smile, there's those mirror neurons, all of those things that are happening. But if I walk into a room and expect that you're going to walk in and you know, maybe you're walking into a room that, you know, maybe I don't know what the case may be, but you have an expectation that people are going to be unfriendly or that you don't belong there or whatever, guess what, you'll find those people again, it's that exchange of energy. So anyway, that's the way I look at it. Whatever you look for, you're fine. There's an asshole in every room.

Right, right. Yeah, we're the law of attraction. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'll tell you the other thing about influencing other people. That's interesting. So i i Over the last week or so I did, I think three free podcasts. And just because they're fun, candidly. And, and I want to I want to help people but peachy, I'm doing it because they're mainly fun. And each one the hosts after it said, you know, I'm really interested in this thing could be it this 12 minute day technique. Can we can we talk about it. So I've got, you know, the appointments this week to talk to him. And I was thinking, I'm just going to ask him questions, like, like you and I've talked about four this idea of, of questions influence people not telling them, how great think you'd be it is and all the science behind it, why a lot works logically. If I want to help the people, I have to ask them questions about their their life and get them thinking about their life. And, but, but that's such a great lesson on influences is it's all about the questions. Yes. Right.

Absolutely. It's that seeking first to understand it's really hard to influence someone if you don't understand where they're coming from, you know,

right. Right. And you know, then the other side of of influences is influencing yourself and you know, I'm just sort of curious over your over your life I'm curious when you look back what's been the the evolution of your maturity relative to influencing your yourself like like start when you were just a kid like 10 or 11 years old, maybe high school, that was your level of maturity at that point. But But how how to tell us about the journey of of to where you are The day and and influencing yourself?

Boy, that's a big question. I wasn't writing this one.

You know what I know? It's such an easy question, Kelly, come on,

you know, I can talk to you about looking that far back. Right is tough for me, I can talk to you on probably over the course of what's changed in the last 15 years. Because for me, from like, 35, to 50, you know, which is where I'm coming up on right now. So let's just say 20 years from 30, to 50. You know, I think the way that I influence, there has been one common thread, which, you know, we've talked about this a little bit before, and some people may think that this is morbid, and I think it probably just kind of depends on your viewpoint of things. But mortality, motivation is something for me, that really resonates with me, you know, I experienced death early in my, you know, in my as part of my childhood. And so, um, for me, I always was like, Well, if I don't feel like it, I'm just lucky to be here. So it's like, if this is a goal I have, then you know, and if I have like, so for example, I've talked about this before one of my other business partners, her dad is a quadriplegic, right, like he would, he would do anything to be able to get up and go for a run, you know what I mean? And so it's like, well, yeah, I need to do this, you know, this is a goal of mine, but I need to do it because I can, and I'm so lucky that I can, you know, and so for me, that mortality motivation, or that motivation of perspective that we've talked about in other episodes before, is something that really motivates me, mortality, motivation always has, but perspective has been one that's over the course of the last 10 years. That really is something that's been that is a real motivator for me,

what do you mean perspectives,

I mean, I'm just like, I was talking to somebody the other day, that was not the other day, a couple of months ago. That is a high performance coach, and she was talking about some of the challenges that she was having. And one of them was that the city that she lived in, had been bombed. And I thought, okay. You know, what I mean, like perspective, it's like, I am so lucky to be a woman, you know, in it born in the United States, in the time that I was born in, and in the, you know, what I mean? And so, with all of this opportunity, and so like, thinking, putting things in perspective, like that, and like, I'm not being bombed right now, you know. So you know, what I mean, it's, it's that, and that's on a grand scale. But I mean, even just the thing that I mentioned about, you know, this last week, going through another bout of COVID, it's like what I've got, I'm so lucky, I have healthcare, you know, I mean, I live in a, so it's like, okay, the perspective is 99.9% of the time, I feel great, you know. And so this is just a reminder for me, and to take care of myself, and to do all of the things that maybe I don't feel like doing, but I know are important, because they keep me healthy. You know what I mean? So that's,

that's a great point. And yeah, that's a great segue to this little Instagram post, I want to play for the audience. And this is a, like, very short, short video post and the girls a most motivational speaker, or public speaker, rather, and just listen to what she says about not wanting to run and, and doing things that she doesn't want to do, and doesn't feel like doing, but how she sort of intellectually deals with it. So let's, let's hear what she has to say here.

Run 10 miles, how do I feel about running 10 Miles doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how I feel because it is part of the plan. And my job is just to execute the plan, no matter how I feel. How this relates to public speaking is the fact that our feelings are never going to be fully supportive all the time of helping us reach our goals. There is so much procrastination, there's so many negative feelings that are associated with public speaking. So it can be really difficult to want to do it to feel motivated to do it. So we need to come up with process and we need to come up with a plan that we execute despite how we feel. So a way to do this for public speaking, is to start thinking about small opportunities where you can start scaling up your skill. Oh, there's my waffles. So What I would suggest is, what is a small thing that you can do once or twice a week right now, that's going to help you get used to talking in front of people. And even if it's filming reels twice a week and not posting them, that's still a process, and that's still building the skill. So don't wait for that motivation, I don't feel particularly motivated to run, it's gonna feel good at some point, skip feel bad at some points, but at the end, it doesn't matter, I did it, and I'm gonna get my goal that marathon in May.

You know, that's a that's a great point, you're not going to feel like doing a lot of things. Right?

Absolutely. You know, and I think too, you know, one of the things having to do with motivation is just being really connected to to that why, you know, like, the, the, the, I forget the exactly the line, she says, but how I feel about it doesn't matter. Because I know what the goal is, I know the process that I need to follow. So how I feel about it, you know, doesn't matter, I the emotions around it don't matter, I need to just take the action.

You know, I think that's the essence of the video really, was that you're not going to feel like doing things you need to do. I mean, you know, oftentimes, sometimes I don't feel like exercising. So, you know, I My goal is to be fed and trim and healthy. So doesn't matter, like she says, But I see that influencing yourself is every bit if not more important than influencing other people. So, but know that we're all in the influence business, whether we want to be or not, so it'd be a good idea to learn how to influence Right? Absolutely. Okay, until next time, we'll see you.

Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life