March 9, 2023

Influence – Influencing Other People, Influencing Yourself

Influence – Influencing Other People, Influencing Yourself

In this episode John and Kelly talk about how we are all in the influence business. And influence has two components to it. First, influencing yourself. That means getting yourself to do the key habits required to be successful. Having discipline. John talks about how this is leadership of self. Which means having the mindset of I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I own my results and am never a victim. Being able to summon up grit and perseverance when things don’t go well. Kelly then talked about how she influences other people like her team. By being authentic and doing what she says she’s going to do. John talks about the book how to win friends and influence people. This classic book. The power of seeing people’s first name in conversations. The power of seeing things from the other person’s point of view. Smiling. The wrap-up to this podcast explains how you can make influencing both yourself and other people happen automatically without thinking using our 12 minute day technique.

About the Hosts:

John Mitchell

John’s story is pretty amazing. After spending 20 years as an entrepreneur, John was 50 years old but wasn’t as successful as he thought he should be. To rectify that, he decided to find the “top book in the world” on SUCCESS and apply that book literally Word for Word to his life. That Book is Think & Grow Rich. The book says there’s a SECRET for success, but the author only gives you half the secret. John figured out the full secret and a 12 minute a day technique to apply it.

When John applied his 12 minute a day technique to his life, he saw his yearly income go to over $5 million a year, after 20 years of $200k - 300k per year. The 25 times increase happened because John LEVERAGED himself by applying science to his life.

His daily technique works because it focuses you ONLY on what moves the needle, triples your discipline, and consistently generates new business ideas every week. This happens because of 3 key aspects of the leveraging process.

John’s technique was profiled on the cover of Time Magazine. He teaches it at the University of Texas’ McCombs School of Business, which is one the TOP 5 business schools in the country. He is also the “mental coach” for the head athletic coaches at the University of Texas as well.

Reach out to John at john@thinkitbeit.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-mitchell-76483654/

Kelly Hatfield

Kelly Hatfield is an entrepreneur at heart. She believes wholeheartedly in the power of the ripple effect and has built several successful companies aimed at helping others make a greater impact in their businesses and lives.

She has been in the recruiting, HR, and leadership development space for over 25 years and loves serving others. Kelly, along with her amazing business partners and teams, has built four successful businesses aimed at matching exceptional talent with top organizations and developing their leadership. Her work coaching and consulting with companies to develop their leadership teams, design recruiting and retention strategies, AND her work as host of Absolute Advantage podcast (where she talks with successful entrepreneurs, executives, and thought leaders across a variety of industries), give her a unique perspective covering the hiring experience and leadership from all angles.

As a Partner in her most recent venture, Think It Be It, Kelly has made the natural transition into the success and human achievement field, helping entrepreneurs break through to the next level in their businesses. Further expanding the impact she’s making in this world. Truly living into the power of the ripple effect.

Reach out to Kelly at kelly@thinkitbeit.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-hatfield-2a2610a/

Learn more about Think It Be It at https://thinkitbeit.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-it-be-it-llc

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thinkitbeitcompany

 


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Transcript
Kelly Hatfield:

We believe life is precious. This is it. We've

Kelly Hatfield:

got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to

Kelly Hatfield:

maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our

Kelly Hatfield:

full potential. Are you living up to your potential? Are you

Kelly Hatfield:

frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't

Kelly Hatfield:

seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next

Kelly Hatfield:

level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.

Kelly Hatfield:

If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission

Kelly Hatfield:

is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you

Kelly Hatfield:

how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're

Kelly Hatfield:

playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as

Kelly Hatfield:

most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned

Kelly Hatfield:

it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch

Kelly Hatfield:

what happens.

Kelly Hatfield:

Welcome to think Be it the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

John Mitchell:

Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, here's the

John Mitchell:

subject today, let's, let's talk about the idea of influence

John Mitchell:

influencing other people and influencing yourself. And so

John Mitchell:

how, how do you influence other people? If you had to summarize

John Mitchell:

how you influence other people? How do you do it?

Kelly Hatfield:

Um, I do it by by showing, I lead by example.

Kelly Hatfield:

You know, so I feel like I influence others by again, being

Kelly Hatfield:

the example. And, you know, when I think with my team, let's say

Kelly Hatfield:

in influencing them, you know, it's having them be part of the

Kelly Hatfield:

solution, be part of the discussion, you know, and so for

Kelly Hatfield:

me, really, it's about, you know, how I'm showing up. And

Kelly Hatfield:

that's with everybody, I think about other, you know, leaders,

Kelly Hatfield:

because if you were to ask me the definition of leadership, in

Kelly Hatfield:

what if I were to define leadership in one word, it would

Kelly Hatfield:

be influence. Yeah, you know, good, bad, or otherwise, you're

Kelly Hatfield:

either going to be a terrible influence, you know, or you're

Kelly Hatfield:

gonna be, you know, a great influence, you know, and then

Kelly Hatfield:

all the little pieces in between, but I think, for me,

Kelly Hatfield:

how I influence others is how I show up and being that role

Kelly Hatfield:

model.

John Mitchell:

Yeah, that's, that's very good. You know, I

John Mitchell:

tell you, from my standpoint, I see how impactful it is to

John Mitchell:

learn, like the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

John Mitchell:

And I see this idea of, of, you know, in the book, it talks

John Mitchell:

about the impact of saying a person's first name. And, and I

John Mitchell:

have, I have really over my life, tried to get people's

John Mitchell:

first names and say it in the conversation and, and I don't

John Mitchell:

remember, you may not remember this. But remember when we

John Mitchell:

interviewed Steve Sarkisian, the the head football coach at the

John Mitchell:

University of Texas, and throughout that interview, he'd

John Mitchell:

go, John, such and such, and they go, Kelly, this is what I

John Mitchell:

in his, you know, and he probably said each far names

John Mitchell:

three or four times, and you know, it it,

Kelly Hatfield:

do you remember that? Oh, yeah, absolutely, I

Kelly Hatfield:

do.

John Mitchell:

And, and he is one of the best at doing it very

John Mitchell:

naturally, but I see the power of, of, you know, applying How

John Mitchell:

to win friends and influence people the idea of saying

John Mitchell:

people's names of smiling, of seeing things from their point

John Mitchell:

of view. And, and I know, that's what you really mean by showing

John Mitchell:

up like you want to show up, right?

Kelly Hatfield:

Well, it's a part of it, but definitely not

Kelly Hatfield:

all of it, you know, I think it's about it's this exchange of

Kelly Hatfield:

energy, right? You ask people good, bad or otherwise, through

Kelly Hatfield:

the energy you're bringing to a situation and how you're showing

Kelly Hatfield:

up in a room, you know, and they're the little things that

Kelly Hatfield:

you can do like saying somebody's name, like being

Kelly Hatfield:

very, very present. We've talked about that before, to where when

Kelly Hatfield:

you're locked in, you know, with somebody, and they feel like

Kelly Hatfield:

you're the you know, you don't have your phone out, you're not

Kelly Hatfield:

paying attention to it like they're important. And then

Kelly Hatfield:

you're going to influence them differently than if you did have

Kelly Hatfield:

your phone out. And they could tell that they're number three

Kelly Hatfield:

on the priority on your list right now in what's in front of

Kelly Hatfield:

you. So it's all of those little things, John, in the name being

Kelly Hatfield:

one of them is huge. And you know, another really interesting

Kelly Hatfield:

thing too, about the name is think about, if you're in a

Kelly Hatfield:

crowded room, and you hear your name, you hear John often that

Kelly Hatfield:

like in somebody else's conversation, you're going to

Kelly Hatfield:

perk up like your brain. That's one of the things that it is

Kelly Hatfield:

hardwired. To hear is your name. When is your own name? You know,

Kelly Hatfield:

and so there's some chemicals that take place when you hear

Kelly Hatfield:

your name, and wondering, and so that's a really powerful thing

Kelly Hatfield:

for influence. Absolutely. But it's more than that, you know,

Kelly Hatfield:

it's, like I mentioned mentioned earlier, it's, you know, it's

Kelly Hatfield:

how it's the energy you're bringing into the room. And

Kelly Hatfield:

that's one of the things I was it's like, be responsible for

Kelly Hatfield:

the energy you bring into this room, because it absolutely

Kelly Hatfield:

influences the outcomes.

John Mitchell:

You know, I love your term. Energy Exchange.

John Mitchell:

That's, that's true. And, and I was watching the evening news, I

John Mitchell:

guess it's Friday, and they were talking about this, this, at

John Mitchell:

this school, this teacher had the idea of, of writing a note

John Mitchell:

and giving the note to a student and complimenting him this idea

John Mitchell:

of complimenting, and it was so powerful the emotion that came

John Mitchell:

from, you know, that exchange of of energy and that idea of

John Mitchell:

complementing each other. I mean, it was amazing. And the

John Mitchell:

other thing that that I was just talking to ginger about this a

John Mitchell:

few minutes ago, is, you know, we went out for dinner a week or

John Mitchell:

so ago. And everybody is just so nice. They're just just, you

John Mitchell:

know, people are smiling, and they're nice, and they're

John Mitchell:

thoughtful. And and, you know, we've lately been noticing just

John Mitchell:

how nice people are. And yeah, we talked about in this country,

John Mitchell:

how much division and how all the things that are wrong. You

John Mitchell:

know, there's a ton of things that are right there more

John Mitchell:

things, way more things that are right in this country. And, you

John Mitchell:

know, I just, I don't know, have you experienced this lately, or

John Mitchell:

noticed it lately? The people are just nice.

Kelly Hatfield:

I think that, hey, this is whatever you look

Kelly Hatfield:

for, you will find? Yeah. And so if you're looking and your, your

Kelly Hatfield:

expectation is that people are going to be nice and positive,

Kelly Hatfield:

and you're being nice and positive, goes back to what we

Kelly Hatfield:

were just talking about, you're influencing that interaction,

Kelly Hatfield:

you know, so you're more likely to have somebody be friendly

Kelly Hatfield:

back to you, if you smile, there's those mirror neurons,

Kelly Hatfield:

all of those things that are happening. But if I walk into a

Kelly Hatfield:

room and expect that you're going to walk in and you know,

Kelly Hatfield:

maybe you're walking into a room that, you know, maybe I don't

Kelly Hatfield:

know what the case may be, but you have an expectation that

Kelly Hatfield:

people are going to be unfriendly or that you don't

Kelly Hatfield:

belong there or whatever, guess what, you'll find those people

Kelly Hatfield:

again, it's that exchange of energy. So anyway, that's the

Kelly Hatfield:

way I look at it. Whatever you look for, you're fine. There's

Kelly Hatfield:

an asshole in every room.

John Mitchell:

Right, right. Yeah, we're the law of

John Mitchell:

attraction. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'll tell

John Mitchell:

you the other thing about influencing other people. That's

John Mitchell:

interesting. So i i Over the last week or so I did, I think

John Mitchell:

three free podcasts. And just because they're fun, candidly.

John Mitchell:

And, and I want to I want to help people but peachy, I'm

John Mitchell:

doing it because they're mainly fun. And each one the hosts

John Mitchell:

after it said, you know, I'm really interested in this thing

John Mitchell:

could be it this 12 minute day technique. Can we can we talk

John Mitchell:

about it. So I've got, you know, the appointments this week to

John Mitchell:

talk to him. And I was thinking, I'm just going to ask him

John Mitchell:

questions, like, like you and I've talked about four this idea

John Mitchell:

of, of questions influence people not telling them, how

John Mitchell:

great think you'd be it is and all the science behind it, why a

John Mitchell:

lot works logically. If I want to help the people, I have to

John Mitchell:

ask them questions about their their life and get them thinking

John Mitchell:

about their life. And, but, but that's such a great lesson on

John Mitchell:

influences is it's all about the questions. Yes. Right.

Kelly Hatfield:

Absolutely. It's that seeking first to understand

Kelly Hatfield:

it's really hard to influence someone if you don't understand

Kelly Hatfield:

where they're coming from, you know,

John Mitchell:

right. Right. And you know, then the other side of

John Mitchell:

of influences is influencing yourself and you know, I'm just

John Mitchell:

sort of curious over your over your life I'm curious when you

John Mitchell:

look back what's been the the evolution of your maturity

John Mitchell:

relative to influencing your yourself like like start when

John Mitchell:

you were just a kid like 10 or 11 years old, maybe high school,

John Mitchell:

that was your level of maturity at that point. But But how how

John Mitchell:

to tell us about the journey of of to where you are The day and

John Mitchell:

and influencing yourself?

Kelly Hatfield:

Boy, that's a big question. I wasn't writing

Kelly Hatfield:

this one.

John Mitchell:

You know what I know? It's such an easy

John Mitchell:

question, Kelly, come on,

Kelly Hatfield:

you know, I can talk to you about looking that

Kelly Hatfield:

far back. Right is tough for me, I can talk to you on probably

Kelly Hatfield:

over the course of what's changed in the last 15 years.

Kelly Hatfield:

Because for me, from like, 35, to 50, you know, which is where

Kelly Hatfield:

I'm coming up on right now. So let's just say 20 years from 30,

Kelly Hatfield:

to 50. You know, I think the way that I influence, there has been

Kelly Hatfield:

one common thread, which, you know, we've talked about this a

Kelly Hatfield:

little bit before, and some people may think that this is

Kelly Hatfield:

morbid, and I think it probably just kind of depends on your

Kelly Hatfield:

viewpoint of things. But mortality, motivation is

Kelly Hatfield:

something for me, that really resonates with me, you know, I

Kelly Hatfield:

experienced death early in my, you know, in my as part of my

Kelly Hatfield:

childhood. And so, um, for me, I always was like, Well, if I

Kelly Hatfield:

don't feel like it, I'm just lucky to be here. So it's like,

Kelly Hatfield:

if this is a goal I have, then you know, and if I have like, so

Kelly Hatfield:

for example, I've talked about this before one of my other

Kelly Hatfield:

business partners, her dad is a quadriplegic, right, like he

Kelly Hatfield:

would, he would do anything to be able to get up and go for a

Kelly Hatfield:

run, you know what I mean? And so it's like, well, yeah, I need

Kelly Hatfield:

to do this, you know, this is a goal of mine, but I need to do

Kelly Hatfield:

it because I can, and I'm so lucky that I can, you know, and

Kelly Hatfield:

so for me, that mortality motivation, or that motivation

Kelly Hatfield:

of perspective that we've talked about in other episodes before,

Kelly Hatfield:

is something that really motivates me, mortality,

Kelly Hatfield:

motivation always has, but perspective has been one that's

Kelly Hatfield:

over the course of the last 10 years. That really is something

Kelly Hatfield:

that's been that is a real motivator for me,

John Mitchell:

what do you mean perspectives,

Kelly Hatfield:

I mean, I'm just like, I was talking to somebody

Kelly Hatfield:

the other day, that was not the other day, a couple of months

Kelly Hatfield:

ago. That is a high performance coach, and she was talking about

Kelly Hatfield:

some of the challenges that she was having. And one of them was

Kelly Hatfield:

that the city that she lived in, had been bombed. And I thought,

Kelly Hatfield:

okay. You know, what I mean, like perspective, it's like, I

Kelly Hatfield:

am so lucky to be a woman, you know, in it born in the United

Kelly Hatfield:

States, in the time that I was born in, and in the, you know,

Kelly Hatfield:

what I mean? And so, with all of this opportunity, and so like,

Kelly Hatfield:

thinking, putting things in perspective, like that, and

Kelly Hatfield:

like, I'm not being bombed right now, you know. So you know, what

Kelly Hatfield:

I mean, it's, it's that, and that's on a grand scale. But I

Kelly Hatfield:

mean, even just the thing that I mentioned about, you know, this

Kelly Hatfield:

last week, going through another bout of COVID, it's like what

Kelly Hatfield:

I've got, I'm so lucky, I have healthcare, you know, I mean, I

Kelly Hatfield:

live in a, so it's like, okay, the perspective is 99.9% of the

Kelly Hatfield:

time, I feel great, you know. And so this is just a reminder

Kelly Hatfield:

for me, and to take care of myself, and to do all of the

Kelly Hatfield:

things that maybe I don't feel like doing, but I know are

Kelly Hatfield:

important, because they keep me healthy. You know what I mean?

Kelly Hatfield:

So that's,

John Mitchell:

that's a great point. And yeah, that's a great

John Mitchell:

segue to this little Instagram post, I want to play for the

John Mitchell:

audience. And this is a, like, very short, short video post and

John Mitchell:

the girls a most motivational speaker, or public speaker,

John Mitchell:

rather, and just listen to what she says about not wanting to

John Mitchell:

run and, and doing things that she doesn't want to do, and

John Mitchell:

doesn't feel like doing, but how she sort of intellectually deals

John Mitchell:

with it. So let's, let's hear what she has to say here.

Unknown:

Run 10 miles, how do I feel about running 10 Miles

Unknown:

doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how I feel because it is

Unknown:

part of the plan. And my job is just to execute the plan, no

Unknown:

matter how I feel. How this relates to public speaking is

Unknown:

the fact that our feelings are never going to be fully

Unknown:

supportive all the time of helping us reach our goals.

Unknown:

There is so much procrastination, there's so many

Unknown:

negative feelings that are associated with public speaking.

Unknown:

So it can be really difficult to want to do it to feel motivated

Unknown:

to do it. So we need to come up with process and we need to come

Unknown:

up with a plan that we execute despite how we feel. So a way to

Unknown:

do this for public speaking, is to start thinking about small

Unknown:

opportunities where you can start scaling up your skill. Oh,

Unknown:

there's my waffles. So What I would suggest is, what is a

Unknown:

small thing that you can do once or twice a week right now,

Unknown:

that's going to help you get used to talking in front of

Unknown:

people. And even if it's filming reels twice a week and not

Unknown:

posting them, that's still a process, and that's still

Unknown:

building the skill. So don't wait for that motivation, I

Unknown:

don't feel particularly motivated to run, it's gonna

Unknown:

feel good at some point, skip feel bad at some points, but at

Unknown:

the end, it doesn't matter, I did it, and I'm gonna get my

Unknown:

goal that marathon in May.

John Mitchell:

You know, that's a that's a great point, you're

John Mitchell:

not going to feel like doing a lot of things. Right?

Kelly Hatfield:

Absolutely. You know, and I think too, you know,

Kelly Hatfield:

one of the things having to do with motivation is just being

Kelly Hatfield:

really connected to to that why, you know, like, the, the, the, I

Kelly Hatfield:

forget the exactly the line, she says, but how I feel about it

Kelly Hatfield:

doesn't matter. Because I know what the goal is, I know the

Kelly Hatfield:

process that I need to follow. So how I feel about it, you

Kelly Hatfield:

know, doesn't matter, I the emotions around it don't matter,

Kelly Hatfield:

I need to just take the action.

John Mitchell:

You know, I think that's the essence of the video

John Mitchell:

really, was that you're not going to feel like doing things

John Mitchell:

you need to do. I mean, you know, oftentimes, sometimes I

John Mitchell:

don't feel like exercising. So, you know, I My goal is to be fed

John Mitchell:

and trim and healthy. So doesn't matter, like she says, But I see

John Mitchell:

that influencing yourself is every bit if not more important

John Mitchell:

than influencing other people. So, but know that we're all in

John Mitchell:

the influence business, whether we want to be or not, so it'd be

John Mitchell:

a good idea to learn how to influence Right? Absolutely.

John Mitchell:

Okay, until next time, we'll see you.

Kelly Hatfield:

Thanks for listening today. If you've had

Kelly Hatfield:

your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an

Kelly Hatfield:

email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So

Kelly Hatfield:

email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or

Kelly Hatfield:

John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life