Millions were Brainwashed

00:00:00.351 --> 00:00:01.511

Hello, beautiful humans.

00:00:01.771 --> 00:00:03.552

Welcome to the Midlife Revolution.

00:00:03.872 --> 00:00:05.192

I'm your host, Megan Conner.

00:00:06.052 --> 00:00:07.852

And today's topic is going

00:00:07.872 --> 00:00:09.145

to take a while.

00:00:09.165 --> 00:00:10.465

This topic has been on my

00:00:10.505 --> 00:00:13.346

mind since February of

00:00:13.886 --> 00:00:14.786

twenty twenty three.

00:00:16.387 --> 00:00:17.487

On February fourteenth of

00:00:17.547 --> 00:00:18.427

twenty twenty three,

00:00:18.981 --> 00:00:20.202

I sent in my official

00:00:20.262 --> 00:00:21.362

resignation letter to the

00:00:21.402 --> 00:00:22.402

Church of Jesus Christ of

00:00:22.442 --> 00:00:25.204

Latter-day Saints after a

00:00:25.922 --> 00:00:29.363

brief but also very long faith crisis.

00:00:30.021 --> 00:00:31.862

I was spending Valentine's

00:00:31.882 --> 00:00:32.882

Day with my partner,

00:00:33.763 --> 00:00:34.923

and we were on the phone

00:00:34.943 --> 00:00:35.844

with his aunt and uncle.

00:00:37.621 --> 00:00:38.542

Samuel announced to them

00:00:38.562 --> 00:00:39.782

that I had some big news,

00:00:40.583 --> 00:00:41.563

and I told them that I

00:00:41.763 --> 00:00:42.804

finally sent in my

00:00:43.424 --> 00:00:45.301

resignation letter to the church.

00:00:45.421 --> 00:00:47.342

And Samuel's uncle made a

00:00:47.382 --> 00:00:48.663

really interesting comment

00:00:49.583 --> 00:00:50.324

that I've been thinking

00:00:50.344 --> 00:00:52.425

about ever since then.

00:00:53.653 --> 00:00:55.535

He said, you know, Megan,

00:00:56.095 --> 00:00:56.976

I always thought that you

00:00:56.996 --> 00:00:58.578

were a very intelligent person.

00:00:59.338 --> 00:01:01.360

How is it that you fell for

00:01:01.380 --> 00:01:03.402

a big bunch of BS like that?

00:01:05.024 --> 00:01:05.244

Now,

00:01:05.584 --> 00:01:07.807

Samuel's uncle has grown up around

00:01:07.927 --> 00:01:08.687

Mormon people,

00:01:08.968 --> 00:01:10.329

and he lives in an area

00:01:10.389 --> 00:01:12.231

where it's pretty common

00:01:12.311 --> 00:01:13.592

for ranchers to hire

00:01:13.632 --> 00:01:15.534

Mormons to do odd jobs and

00:01:16.192 --> 00:01:16.892

to hire them in their

00:01:16.932 --> 00:01:18.213

businesses and things like that.

00:01:18.313 --> 00:01:19.934

And I've heard this a lot

00:01:19.974 --> 00:01:20.994

from people outside the

00:01:21.034 --> 00:01:21.755

church that they love

00:01:21.795 --> 00:01:22.975

hiring Mormons because

00:01:23.015 --> 00:01:24.196

Mormons are non-smokers.

00:01:24.216 --> 00:01:25.156

They're non-drinkers.

00:01:25.517 --> 00:01:27.217

They're generally very happy people,

00:01:27.297 --> 00:01:28.718

very easy to get along with.

00:01:29.158 --> 00:01:30.799

They're generally kind to others.

00:01:31.219 --> 00:01:32.660

They have a good work ethic

00:01:33.401 --> 00:01:34.741

and they tend to have

00:01:34.801 --> 00:01:36.242

stable family relationships.

00:01:36.777 --> 00:01:39.540

So Samuel's uncle has been

00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:40.541

around Mormons and known

00:01:40.561 --> 00:01:41.421

them for a long time.

00:01:41.441 --> 00:01:42.763

And I'm sure at some point,

00:01:42.883 --> 00:01:44.324

one of his employees or

00:01:44.364 --> 00:01:45.225

somebody that he worked

00:01:45.265 --> 00:01:46.846

with introduced him to the

00:01:46.886 --> 00:01:47.927

missionaries or tried to

00:01:47.947 --> 00:01:48.968

give him a Book of Mormon,

00:01:49.349 --> 00:01:50.309

or at least tried to tell

00:01:50.349 --> 00:01:51.490

him something about the church.

00:01:52.071 --> 00:01:53.352

So I'm sure that's where he

00:01:53.372 --> 00:01:55.514

got his impression that the

00:01:55.534 --> 00:01:56.615

teachings of the Mormon

00:01:56.655 --> 00:01:58.351

church are a big bunch of BS.

00:01:58.351 --> 00:01:59.522

The only real answer that I

00:01:59.542 --> 00:02:01.884

could give him at the time was that, well,

00:02:01.904 --> 00:02:02.905

when you're born into it

00:02:02.945 --> 00:02:04.146

and your whole family are members,

00:02:04.166 --> 00:02:04.906

you don't really have a

00:02:04.946 --> 00:02:05.906

whole lot of choice.

00:02:05.986 --> 00:02:07.727

As I continued to think about it,

00:02:08.148 --> 00:02:09.228

I thought about all of the

00:02:09.248 --> 00:02:11.030

ways in which the Church of

00:02:11.050 --> 00:02:12.151

Jesus Christ of Latter-day

00:02:12.191 --> 00:02:13.472

Saints uses

00:02:13.512 --> 00:02:16.654

thought-stopping techniques to

00:02:17.715 --> 00:02:19.717

keep us from investigating

00:02:19.857 --> 00:02:21.378

any materials that aren't

00:02:21.498 --> 00:02:23.340

put out officially by the church.

00:02:23.895 --> 00:02:24.936

We're encouraged to go on

00:02:24.976 --> 00:02:26.052

social media fasts.

00:02:26.215 --> 00:02:27.316

we're encouraged to only

00:02:27.436 --> 00:02:29.177

read the materials that are

00:02:29.217 --> 00:02:30.477

produced by the church.

00:02:30.617 --> 00:02:32.499

And we are counseled that

00:02:32.539 --> 00:02:34.441

because we live in the world,

00:02:34.601 --> 00:02:36.682

but we don't want to be of the world,

00:02:37.123 --> 00:02:38.244

that the majority of the

00:02:38.304 --> 00:02:39.625

media that we're consuming

00:02:40.145 --> 00:02:41.546

should be media that's put

00:02:41.626 --> 00:02:42.587

out by the church.

00:02:43.267 --> 00:02:44.568

They want us constantly to

00:02:44.588 --> 00:02:46.289

be reading the church magazines,

00:02:46.630 --> 00:02:48.551

to be listening to conference talks,

00:02:48.851 --> 00:02:50.293

to be studying the scriptures,

00:02:50.473 --> 00:02:51.534

and to be studying the

00:02:51.594 --> 00:02:53.215

approved lesson manuals

00:02:53.275 --> 00:02:55.297

that are produced by the church.

00:02:55.595 --> 00:02:57.196

We're counseled by the

00:02:57.236 --> 00:02:58.737

prophets and the apostles

00:02:59.277 --> 00:03:00.258

who lead the church.

00:03:00.899 --> 00:03:02.540

that we should be spending

00:03:02.580 --> 00:03:04.381

our time in the scriptures

00:03:04.541 --> 00:03:05.862

and nowhere else basically

00:03:05.922 --> 00:03:07.222

we should only be reading

00:03:07.282 --> 00:03:08.763

from the best books meaning

00:03:09.123 --> 00:03:10.224

the books that are produced

00:03:10.264 --> 00:03:10.892

by deseret

00:03:10.892 --> 00:03:11.370

which is the

00:03:11.410 --> 00:03:12.350

publishing house that's

00:03:12.631 --> 00:03:13.571

owned by the church of

00:03:13.591 --> 00:03:14.712

jesus christ of latter-day

00:03:14.752 --> 00:03:17.593

saints the church owns a

00:03:17.673 --> 00:03:19.254

news outlet called deseret

00:03:19.314 --> 00:03:21.035

news that puts out

00:03:21.295 --> 00:03:22.796

newspapers and articles and

00:03:22.856 --> 00:03:24.617

information on the web

00:03:25.132 --> 00:03:26.412

When we have a problem or a

00:03:26.473 --> 00:03:28.213

question or a concern about

00:03:28.333 --> 00:03:29.374

the doctrine of the church

00:03:29.414 --> 00:03:30.174

or the teachings of the

00:03:30.194 --> 00:03:31.534

church or the history of the church,

00:03:32.035 --> 00:03:33.235

we are told by church

00:03:33.275 --> 00:03:35.756

leaders to doubt our doubts.

00:03:36.016 --> 00:03:37.677

Meaning if we have doubts,

00:03:38.237 --> 00:03:39.678

we're supposed to question

00:03:39.698 --> 00:03:42.178

the doubts before we question our faith.

00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:44.439

We're counseled to pray and

00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:45.320

read our scriptures.

00:03:45.480 --> 00:03:46.980

If we don't understand something,

00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:48.641

pray more, read more.

00:03:49.620 --> 00:03:52.042

so whenever i had a question

00:03:52.142 --> 00:03:53.743

about something that was

00:03:53.783 --> 00:03:55.244

being taught in church that

00:03:55.304 --> 00:03:57.065

i didn't understand or i

00:03:57.085 --> 00:03:59.987

didn't agree with i would

00:04:00.027 --> 00:04:01.488

go to the approved sources

00:04:01.668 --> 00:04:02.768

i would read my scriptures

00:04:02.929 --> 00:04:04.770

i would pray i would fast

00:04:05.250 --> 00:04:06.031

so that i could okay

00:04:16.755 --> 00:04:17.916

My purpose for doing an

00:04:17.996 --> 00:04:19.657

episode on indoctrination

00:04:20.218 --> 00:04:21.619

is to help people outside

00:04:21.659 --> 00:04:23.020

the church understand what

00:04:23.060 --> 00:04:25.161

it's like to grow up in a

00:04:25.201 --> 00:04:27.082

high demand religion and

00:04:27.503 --> 00:04:29.804

how difficult it is to break away.

00:04:31.526 --> 00:04:32.506

In order to do that,

00:04:32.747 --> 00:04:34.088

I feel like I almost need

00:04:34.128 --> 00:04:36.369

to give you a vocabulary lesson.

00:04:38.351 --> 00:04:39.972

I almost feel like I have to

00:04:40.012 --> 00:04:45.716

go through the entirety of my life.

00:04:48.333 --> 00:04:50.094

This feels like such a daunting task.

00:04:50.194 --> 00:04:52.255

How do you explain this to

00:04:52.415 --> 00:04:53.575

somebody who's never

00:04:53.735 --> 00:04:55.036

experienced it before?

00:04:55.896 --> 00:04:58.358

So I'm going to do my best.

00:04:58.358 --> 00:04:59.963

in.

00:04:59.983 --> 00:05:01.083

When you're a member of the church,

00:05:01.163 --> 00:05:04.084

you're led to believe.

00:05:04.164 --> 00:05:05.325

God, I can't even.

00:05:07.618 --> 00:05:09.359

I would say let's start from the beginning,

00:05:10.460 --> 00:05:12.301

but it's hard to say what

00:05:12.341 --> 00:05:13.642

the beginning actually is.

00:05:15.203 --> 00:05:17.064

Do I go all the way back to

00:05:17.644 --> 00:05:18.985

when Joseph Smith claimed

00:05:19.045 --> 00:05:20.506

that he saw a vision of God

00:05:20.546 --> 00:05:21.467

and Jesus Christ?

00:05:23.468 --> 00:05:24.328

Do I go back to the

00:05:24.348 --> 00:05:25.849

formation of religion from

00:05:25.889 --> 00:05:26.770

the dawn of time?

00:05:29.412 --> 00:05:31.433

It feels like such an impossible task.

00:05:35.521 --> 00:05:37.161

I was born in California in

00:05:37.201 --> 00:05:38.202

nineteen seventy four.

00:05:39.182 --> 00:05:40.522

My dad was in the Air Force.

00:05:41.322 --> 00:05:43.523

My parents had met at BYU

00:05:44.743 --> 00:05:46.843

and married in the Logan Temple.

00:05:49.884 --> 00:05:51.104

Shortly after that,

00:05:51.444 --> 00:05:52.624

my older brother was born

00:05:53.345 --> 00:05:54.305

and then I came along.

00:05:55.585 --> 00:05:56.405

And then my dad was

00:05:56.445 --> 00:05:58.446

transferred to Louisiana,

00:05:58.966 --> 00:06:00.226

where we lived for the next

00:06:00.446 --> 00:06:02.346

six years in two different places.

00:06:03.524 --> 00:06:04.745

My younger brother was born

00:06:04.905 --> 00:06:06.045

in one of those towns and

00:06:06.106 --> 00:06:08.783

my younger sister was born in the other.

00:06:09.121 --> 00:06:10.022

After those six years,

00:06:10.062 --> 00:06:11.063

my dad got a job with

00:06:11.103 --> 00:06:12.123

Citibank and was

00:06:12.163 --> 00:06:13.904

transferred to Sioux Falls, South Dakota,

00:06:15.725 --> 00:06:16.446

which is where I was

00:06:16.486 --> 00:06:18.367

baptized at the age of eight years old.

00:06:19.888 --> 00:06:21.489

By the time I was eight years old,

00:06:22.829 --> 00:06:23.510

I had endured

00:06:24.749 --> 00:06:29.290

thousands of hours of indoctrination.

00:06:29.350 --> 00:06:30.331

So when I went into the

00:06:30.371 --> 00:06:32.511

bishop's office for him to

00:06:32.612 --> 00:06:35.552

ask me the questions about

00:06:35.612 --> 00:06:38.653

my quote unquote choice to be baptized,

00:06:39.674 --> 00:06:40.754

I had already been

00:06:41.074 --> 00:06:44.855

completely brainwashed.

00:06:44.935 --> 00:06:47.056

And I'd like to explain what

00:06:47.076 --> 00:06:48.357

that experience was like

00:06:48.637 --> 00:06:49.757

growing up as a child.

00:06:53.273 --> 00:06:56.795

and being forced to join the

00:06:56.835 --> 00:06:57.815

Church of Jesus Christ of

00:06:57.855 --> 00:07:00.376

Latter-day Saints.

00:07:00.396 --> 00:07:04.858

You might think forced, brainwashed, cult.

00:07:05.018 --> 00:07:05.938

You might think that these

00:07:05.978 --> 00:07:07.319

are all really harsh

00:07:07.499 --> 00:07:10.440

descriptions and that they don't fit.

00:07:11.281 --> 00:07:12.861

In fact, when I was a member,

00:07:13.722 --> 00:07:16.143

I definitely would not have

00:07:16.163 --> 00:07:18.224

believed that the LDS Church was a cult.

00:07:18.884 --> 00:07:20.125

I definitely didn't believe

00:07:20.145 --> 00:07:21.145

that I was brainwashed.

00:07:22.878 --> 00:07:23.778

or indoctrinated,

00:07:24.659 --> 00:07:25.939

and I definitely didn't

00:07:25.979 --> 00:07:27.519

believe that any of what I

00:07:27.559 --> 00:07:28.760

went through was harmful.

00:07:30.375 --> 00:07:31.195

But now that I'm on the

00:07:31.255 --> 00:07:32.535

other side and I've been

00:07:32.575 --> 00:07:33.856

through a great deal of

00:07:33.896 --> 00:07:35.296

therapy and processing

00:07:35.876 --> 00:07:37.777

other harmful relationships in my life,

00:07:37.997 --> 00:07:39.078

It's difficult for me to

00:07:39.138 --> 00:07:40.759

accept that I stayed for so long.

00:07:43.362 --> 00:07:45.363

And why was this, of all things,

00:07:46.204 --> 00:07:47.946

one of the last things for

00:07:47.966 --> 00:07:50.148

me to deconstruct in my

00:07:50.188 --> 00:07:52.109

long life history of

00:07:52.870 --> 00:07:55.512

enduring abusive and harmful situations?

00:07:55.712 --> 00:07:58.074

Why was this the one that

00:07:58.114 --> 00:07:59.736

lasted for so long?

00:08:00.276 --> 00:08:02.498

It took me over forty years

00:08:03.719 --> 00:08:04.560

to get out of the church.

00:08:10.622 --> 00:08:13.638

That's a long time.

00:08:13.678 --> 00:08:15.259

Some of my first memories as

00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:18.801

a child were in our two

00:08:18.841 --> 00:08:20.342

different homes in Louisiana.

00:08:21.422 --> 00:08:26.005

I remember the huge pecan

00:08:26.025 --> 00:08:27.346

tree that was in our front yard.

00:08:28.206 --> 00:08:29.267

I remember going to

00:08:29.387 --> 00:08:31.848

preschool and learning

00:08:31.988 --> 00:08:32.949

about the letter people.

00:08:34.358 --> 00:08:35.879

I remember pulling the fire alarm.

00:08:38.821 --> 00:08:40.242

I just wanted to see what would happen.

00:08:41.621 --> 00:08:43.342

I remember my very first day

00:08:43.382 --> 00:08:44.904

of first grade because it

00:08:44.924 --> 00:08:45.884

was pretty traumatic.

00:08:46.525 --> 00:08:47.586

I remember singing in the

00:08:47.606 --> 00:08:48.987

talent show in first grade.

00:08:49.007 --> 00:08:50.924

And I remember walking to church.

00:08:52.447 --> 00:08:54.048

I remember working on the

00:08:54.088 --> 00:08:56.570

church welfare farm, pulling weeds.

00:08:57.450 --> 00:08:58.651

I remember going to primary

00:08:58.691 --> 00:08:59.371

and Sunday school.

00:08:59.431 --> 00:09:00.332

I remember some of my

00:09:00.372 --> 00:09:03.814

teachers and I remember

00:09:03.854 --> 00:09:04.814

some of the people in the

00:09:04.834 --> 00:09:06.295

church that we met and some

00:09:06.315 --> 00:09:06.996

of the people in our

00:09:07.036 --> 00:09:09.616

neighborhood who were members.

00:09:09.656 --> 00:09:12.698

But mostly I remember what

00:09:12.998 --> 00:09:14.019

happened in my home.

00:09:15.663 --> 00:09:17.384

and the expectations that my

00:09:17.424 --> 00:09:19.546

parents had of me and my siblings.

00:09:20.485 --> 00:09:22.526

Indoctrination is simply the

00:09:22.566 --> 00:09:24.267

process of teaching someone

00:09:24.608 --> 00:09:26.929

a set of beliefs and

00:09:26.969 --> 00:09:29.231

expecting them to accept

00:09:29.291 --> 00:09:30.792

those beliefs without

00:09:30.952 --> 00:09:35.215

thinking critically about them.

00:09:35.255 --> 00:09:36.336

Thinking critically,

00:09:36.696 --> 00:09:38.297

meaning whether or not

00:09:38.317 --> 00:09:41.179

those beliefs are moral or good or right.

00:09:43.464 --> 00:09:44.724

I know that many people can

00:09:44.804 --> 00:09:46.525

identify with the idea that

00:09:47.485 --> 00:09:48.405

when you're growing up,

00:09:48.445 --> 00:09:49.746

you think that everything

00:09:49.766 --> 00:09:53.426

that's happening around you in your home,

00:09:53.486 --> 00:09:55.187

in your school, in your community,

00:09:56.267 --> 00:09:57.327

that all of those things

00:09:57.527 --> 00:09:59.548

are what everybody experiences.

00:10:00.768 --> 00:10:03.049

As children of a young age,

00:10:03.089 --> 00:10:04.369

we don't really have the

00:10:04.409 --> 00:10:07.090

ability to imagine beyond

00:10:07.150 --> 00:10:08.570

our own circumstances.

00:10:09.751 --> 00:10:11.491

Until we get presented with it,

00:10:14.214 --> 00:10:17.195

in some form of media advertising.

00:10:18.055 --> 00:10:19.115

I remember the first time

00:10:19.155 --> 00:10:20.296

that I saw a commercial

00:10:20.316 --> 00:10:21.636

about children starving in

00:10:21.756 --> 00:10:23.777

Africa being one of the few

00:10:23.837 --> 00:10:25.017

times that I had ever

00:10:25.057 --> 00:10:26.457

considered that there were

00:10:26.498 --> 00:10:28.338

kids growing up who didn't

00:10:28.378 --> 00:10:31.659

have food or clothing or shelter.

00:10:32.390 --> 00:10:33.410

And of course, growing up,

00:10:33.610 --> 00:10:35.091

I knew that there were

00:10:35.151 --> 00:10:36.871

other kids in my school who

00:10:37.011 --> 00:10:37.971

weren't Mormons,

00:10:38.011 --> 00:10:39.092

who weren't members of the

00:10:39.112 --> 00:10:40.112

Church of Jesus Christ of

00:10:40.152 --> 00:10:40.872

Latter-day Saints.

00:10:41.652 --> 00:10:42.452

And I knew that other

00:10:42.492 --> 00:10:44.173

families had other traditions,

00:10:44.193 --> 00:10:45.053

that they ate different

00:10:45.093 --> 00:10:46.213

food and that they had

00:10:46.353 --> 00:10:47.774

other ideas about the world.

00:10:48.954 --> 00:10:50.334

But what I was being told in

00:10:50.394 --> 00:10:55.755

my house is that our ideas

00:10:55.795 --> 00:10:58.196

about the world were correct.

00:11:00.047 --> 00:11:01.608

that other people's ideas

00:11:01.828 --> 00:11:04.069

about the world were at the

00:11:04.129 --> 00:11:07.071

very least incomplete and

00:11:07.131 --> 00:11:09.132

sometimes in some cases

00:11:09.353 --> 00:11:11.830

completely wrong when you

00:11:11.870 --> 00:11:15.552

grow up believing that you

00:11:15.572 --> 00:11:17.053

belong to a church that has

00:11:17.093 --> 00:11:18.834

all the answers and that

00:11:19.054 --> 00:11:20.135

it's the only church with

00:11:20.175 --> 00:11:21.254

the correct answers

00:11:21.883 --> 00:11:22.924

It leaves you feeling like

00:11:23.024 --> 00:11:23.785

other people are

00:11:23.825 --> 00:11:26.286

experiencing life in a way

00:11:26.326 --> 00:11:27.587

that's less than ideal.

00:11:28.888 --> 00:11:30.229

And it leads you to believe

00:11:30.609 --> 00:11:32.310

that if they would only

00:11:32.370 --> 00:11:35.452

listen to you and accept your ideas,

00:11:36.213 --> 00:11:37.013

that there would be less

00:11:37.034 --> 00:11:39.135

suffering and there would

00:11:39.155 --> 00:11:40.556

be fewer problems in the world.

00:11:42.451 --> 00:11:43.791

Imagine if the president of

00:11:43.831 --> 00:11:46.372

the United States was a Mormon.

00:11:47.733 --> 00:11:48.993

Imagine if all the world

00:11:49.033 --> 00:11:50.354

leaders were Mormons,

00:11:50.914 --> 00:11:52.754

then there'd be no suffering.

00:11:53.575 --> 00:11:55.035

There would be no tragedy.

00:11:55.875 --> 00:11:57.456

God would never be angry

00:11:58.416 --> 00:11:59.596

because all of his people

00:11:59.637 --> 00:12:01.237

would be worshiping him the

00:12:01.277 --> 00:12:04.058

way that he wanted them to.

00:12:04.098 --> 00:12:05.298

These are the kind of ideas

00:12:05.358 --> 00:12:06.979

that I grew up with as a child.

00:12:08.251 --> 00:12:11.013

And who was telling me all

00:12:11.053 --> 00:12:11.733

of these things?

00:12:11.993 --> 00:12:14.474

Who was putting these ideas into my head?

00:12:15.955 --> 00:12:17.256

It wasn't just my parents.

00:12:19.337 --> 00:12:20.958

It was my Sunday school teachers.

00:12:21.758 --> 00:12:22.959

It was the other people who

00:12:23.019 --> 00:12:24.280

spoke in church,

00:12:24.940 --> 00:12:26.721

the other adults that my

00:12:26.761 --> 00:12:28.062

parents associated with.

00:12:29.823 --> 00:12:31.244

It was my aunts and my uncles,

00:12:32.864 --> 00:12:33.745

my grandparents.

00:12:37.173 --> 00:12:39.015

It was in all of the family

00:12:39.035 --> 00:12:40.356

stories that I was told

00:12:40.576 --> 00:12:42.097

growing up as a seventh

00:12:42.137 --> 00:12:42.998

generation Mormon.

00:12:47.261 --> 00:12:48.542

My fifth great grandfather

00:12:48.683 --> 00:12:49.663

was one of the first people

00:12:49.683 --> 00:12:50.684

to join the church in

00:12:50.724 --> 00:12:52.366

Missouri when the church was brand new,

00:12:52.426 --> 00:12:53.346

just two years old.

00:12:54.524 --> 00:12:55.484

there are a lot of people

00:12:55.524 --> 00:12:56.804

who are native to Missouri

00:12:57.344 --> 00:12:58.385

who didn't like what the

00:12:58.425 --> 00:12:59.905

Mormons brought to their state,

00:13:00.185 --> 00:13:00.965

didn't like what they

00:13:01.005 --> 00:13:02.406

brought to the communities,

00:13:02.946 --> 00:13:04.186

didn't like what Mormonism

00:13:04.386 --> 00:13:06.406

was teaching or what they had to offer.

00:13:06.926 --> 00:13:09.267

The people of Missouri were

00:13:11.564 --> 00:13:13.845

naturally upset by the idea

00:13:13.905 --> 00:13:15.126

of polygamy that Joseph

00:13:15.146 --> 00:13:17.348

Smith was already starting to practice.

00:13:18.848 --> 00:13:20.910

They didn't appreciate that

00:13:20.950 --> 00:13:22.030

Mormons only did business

00:13:22.050 --> 00:13:22.931

with other Mormons.

00:13:24.292 --> 00:13:25.612

There were a lot of reasons

00:13:25.732 --> 00:13:27.654

for what church members

00:13:27.694 --> 00:13:29.495

call persecution in Missouri,

00:13:30.315 --> 00:13:32.136

but Mormons started to be

00:13:32.296 --> 00:13:33.517

driven from their homes.

00:13:34.157 --> 00:13:35.758

And the governor of Missouri

00:13:35.859 --> 00:13:36.739

actually put out an

00:13:36.779 --> 00:13:38.080

extermination order on the

00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:39.921

Mormons where he made it legal

00:13:40.394 --> 00:13:43.057

to kill a Mormon on sight if

00:13:43.097 --> 00:13:45.441

they refuse to leave the state.

00:13:45.461 --> 00:13:47.023

This is part of the Mormon

00:13:47.063 --> 00:13:48.145

persecution complex,

00:13:48.185 --> 00:13:54.793

which is a vast topic that

00:13:54.893 --> 00:13:56.415

I will cover another time.

00:13:56.647 --> 00:13:57.367

But my fifth great

00:13:57.387 --> 00:13:58.788

grandfather and his family

00:13:58.848 --> 00:13:59.988

had been driven from their

00:14:00.028 --> 00:14:01.268

home for the third time

00:14:02.589 --> 00:14:04.889

during a cold season.

00:14:05.069 --> 00:14:07.390

Winter was coming on and my

00:14:07.430 --> 00:14:10.191

grandfather had ill health.

00:14:10.949 --> 00:14:12.649

And in their search for housing,

00:14:14.530 --> 00:14:16.070

he got sicker and sicker

00:14:16.510 --> 00:14:18.211

and eventually died and was

00:14:18.271 --> 00:14:19.551

buried by the side of the road.

00:14:19.832 --> 00:14:20.752

Before he died,

00:14:22.213 --> 00:14:23.213

he made his children

00:14:23.273 --> 00:14:26.111

promise to stay true to the faith.

00:14:26.131 --> 00:14:29.489

Then Joseph Smith was killed.

00:14:29.509 --> 00:14:31.029

The leader of their religion,

00:14:31.069 --> 00:14:32.430

the man who said that he

00:14:32.470 --> 00:14:34.110

had seen God and Jesus Christ,

00:14:35.471 --> 00:14:37.131

who had been sent to prison

00:14:37.691 --> 00:14:38.811

and persecuted for his

00:14:38.851 --> 00:14:40.272

faith in their eyes,

00:14:41.436 --> 00:14:43.037

had been killed along with

00:14:43.537 --> 00:14:47.739

the patriarch of their family.

00:14:47.760 --> 00:14:49.040

My fifth great grandfather's

00:14:49.080 --> 00:14:51.642

sons took up the mantle of

00:14:51.682 --> 00:14:52.962

moving the family to be

00:14:52.982 --> 00:14:55.464

with the saints and

00:14:55.524 --> 00:14:56.764

ensuring that their mother

00:14:57.625 --> 00:15:01.187

had what she needed to live.

00:15:01.207 --> 00:15:02.867

They took their job very seriously.

00:15:03.317 --> 00:15:04.557

My fourth great-grandfather

00:15:04.717 --> 00:15:05.858

was one of the people who

00:15:05.938 --> 00:15:08.358

helped the Saints move from

00:15:08.398 --> 00:15:11.899

Missouri to the Utah Territory.

00:15:12.759 --> 00:15:14.399

They experienced a lot of

00:15:14.459 --> 00:15:15.979

sickness and death on the trail.

00:15:16.119 --> 00:15:16.400

Many,

00:15:16.520 --> 00:15:18.340

many people lost their lives due to

00:15:18.400 --> 00:15:20.040

exposure and bad planning

00:15:20.780 --> 00:15:22.181

and many other circumstances,

00:15:22.221 --> 00:15:23.521

which again is a rabbit

00:15:23.541 --> 00:15:24.841

hole for another time.

00:15:25.321 --> 00:15:27.082

But when my fourth

00:15:27.102 --> 00:15:28.782

great-grandfather arrived

00:15:30.454 --> 00:15:31.714

in the Utah Territory.

00:15:32.175 --> 00:15:33.835

He established a little community.

00:15:34.576 --> 00:15:36.287

He was a faithful Latter-day Saint.

00:15:36.287 --> 00:15:37.354

He became the sheriff.

00:15:38.495 --> 00:15:40.395

He also went on missions for the church.

00:15:40.595 --> 00:15:42.056

His name was mentioned many

00:15:42.116 --> 00:15:44.717

times in the journals of Brigham Young,

00:15:44.757 --> 00:15:45.637

who was the president of

00:15:45.677 --> 00:15:46.477

the church at the time.

00:15:46.517 --> 00:15:49.098

So he was a fairly prominent member.

00:15:49.719 --> 00:15:51.239

He also practiced polygamy,

00:15:51.799 --> 00:15:53.220

which he served jail time for.

00:15:54.953 --> 00:15:56.814

And he ended up with over

00:15:56.854 --> 00:15:58.555

three hundred descendants

00:15:58.734 --> 00:16:00.735

sometime around his ninetieth birthday.

00:16:01.172 --> 00:16:02.453

shortly before he died,

00:16:02.713 --> 00:16:03.885

he said to his children,

00:16:04.512 --> 00:16:06.893

tell my grandchildren that

00:16:06.953 --> 00:16:08.815

if they don't pay their tithing,

00:16:09.195 --> 00:16:10.956

they cannot come where I'm going.

00:16:12.056 --> 00:16:13.657

And so my third great

00:16:13.677 --> 00:16:15.158

grandfather and my second

00:16:15.198 --> 00:16:16.800

great grandfather and my

00:16:16.820 --> 00:16:18.441

great grandfather and my

00:16:18.481 --> 00:16:22.744

grandfather all practiced the same faith.

00:16:23.765 --> 00:16:25.266

They lived in the same place

00:16:26.267 --> 00:16:27.448

and they continued the

00:16:27.488 --> 00:16:29.469

tradition of indoctrinating

00:16:29.770 --> 00:16:32.852

their children into

00:16:32.892 --> 00:16:35.794

believing what Joseph Smith taught.

00:16:36.312 --> 00:16:37.373

That was my maternal

00:16:37.773 --> 00:16:39.815

grandmother's side of the family.

00:16:40.815 --> 00:16:42.116

My maternal grandfather's

00:16:42.136 --> 00:16:44.037

side of the family was also

00:16:44.597 --> 00:16:46.679

fairly prominent polygamists,

00:16:46.899 --> 00:16:49.561

also very involved in the church in Utah.

00:16:50.561 --> 00:16:52.302

And until my parents,

00:16:52.923 --> 00:16:54.591

all of their descendants lived in Utah.

00:16:54.882 --> 00:16:55.202

In fact,

00:16:55.322 --> 00:16:57.204

all of my mom's siblings also

00:16:57.244 --> 00:16:59.365

lived in Utah and most of them still do.

00:17:01.035 --> 00:17:02.115

I think it was only because

00:17:02.155 --> 00:17:03.516

my dad was in the Air Force

00:17:03.636 --> 00:17:05.837

that took us away from living in Utah.

00:17:05.897 --> 00:17:08.318

And I'm so grateful that I

00:17:08.518 --> 00:17:12.686

grew up outside of the Mormon bubble.

00:17:12.726 --> 00:17:13.946

My dad's side of the family

00:17:13.986 --> 00:17:15.587

joined the church more recently.

00:17:15.940 --> 00:17:17.700

his father was also in the Air Force.

00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:20.041

And so they moved around quite a bit.

00:17:20.801 --> 00:17:22.041

But at one point when their

00:17:22.061 --> 00:17:23.722

family was living in San Antonio,

00:17:25.862 --> 00:17:28.743

my grandmother was tracked

00:17:28.823 --> 00:17:30.304

out by a set of young

00:17:30.344 --> 00:17:31.224

Mormon missionaries.

00:17:31.924 --> 00:17:32.724

She listened to their

00:17:32.764 --> 00:17:34.265

message and she decided to

00:17:34.305 --> 00:17:35.745

get baptized and join the church.

00:17:37.393 --> 00:17:39.874

My dad was too young at the

00:17:39.914 --> 00:17:42.095

time to be baptized and his

00:17:42.135 --> 00:17:43.496

father wanted him to wait

00:17:43.536 --> 00:17:44.796

until he was a little older,

00:17:45.257 --> 00:17:46.337

but eventually he was

00:17:46.377 --> 00:17:49.055

baptized along with his siblings as well.

00:17:49.095 --> 00:17:51.296

My dad served a mission and

00:17:51.376 --> 00:17:52.516

then he went to BYU,

00:17:52.536 --> 00:17:53.837

which is where he met my mother.

00:17:54.237 --> 00:17:55.778

My parents were married in the temple.

00:17:56.358 --> 00:17:57.859

And so my siblings and I are

00:17:57.899 --> 00:17:59.000

considered what is called

00:17:59.040 --> 00:18:00.180

born in the covenant,

00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:01.941

which means that my parents

00:18:01.981 --> 00:18:03.522

made promises to God in the

00:18:03.562 --> 00:18:06.384

temple and that we were

00:18:06.424 --> 00:18:08.005

covered by those promises,

00:18:08.505 --> 00:18:10.926

my siblings and I. And so

00:18:10.966 --> 00:18:11.927

in the eyes of the church,

00:18:11.987 --> 00:18:13.828

we are considered to be a

00:18:13.868 --> 00:18:15.009

family that is sealed

00:18:15.089 --> 00:18:17.890

together for time and all eternity.

00:18:19.031 --> 00:18:20.632

And when Mormons talk about sealing,

00:18:21.202 --> 00:18:22.943

It's a ceremony that is

00:18:23.063 --> 00:18:24.444

attached to the marriage

00:18:24.484 --> 00:18:26.206

ceremony that's performed

00:18:26.246 --> 00:18:28.167

by somebody with priesthood

00:18:28.227 --> 00:18:32.369

authority who basically

00:18:32.429 --> 00:18:33.970

declares that you are

00:18:34.010 --> 00:18:36.051

married for time and all eternity.

00:18:37.332 --> 00:18:39.174

If you decide to get divorced,

00:18:39.394 --> 00:18:40.395

you have to have your

00:18:40.475 --> 00:18:43.617

sealing canceled or you're

00:18:43.637 --> 00:18:44.618

going to be with that

00:18:44.658 --> 00:18:46.539

person for eternity is

00:18:46.579 --> 00:18:47.860

basically what the Mormons believe.

00:18:49.431 --> 00:18:52.052

So I grew up believing that

00:18:52.233 --> 00:18:53.733

I was sealed to my parents

00:18:54.314 --> 00:18:55.534

and my grandparents and my

00:18:55.554 --> 00:18:57.035

great grandparents all the

00:18:57.055 --> 00:18:59.196

way back to the first one

00:18:59.216 --> 00:19:01.157

that joined the church and

00:19:01.177 --> 00:19:01.978

that we would all be

00:19:02.018 --> 00:19:03.799

together in heaven forever

00:19:04.579 --> 00:19:06.375

if we remained faithful.

00:19:06.475 --> 00:19:08.856

So what was it like growing up as a child

00:19:10.308 --> 00:19:11.889

as a seventh generation Mormon.

00:19:13.069 --> 00:19:15.211

The expectations are set

00:19:15.291 --> 00:19:17.792

upon us from birth.

00:19:18.873 --> 00:19:19.694

When I was born,

00:19:19.894 --> 00:19:21.275

I was given a blessing

00:19:22.375 --> 00:19:23.296

during one of the

00:19:23.336 --> 00:19:24.717

congregational meetings on

00:19:24.797 --> 00:19:28.439

Sunday where my dad held me

00:19:28.659 --> 00:19:31.201

in his arms and a circle of

00:19:31.261 --> 00:19:32.362

men stood around.

00:19:32.682 --> 00:19:34.083

Some of you have seen baby

00:19:34.103 --> 00:19:35.624

blessings on shows like the

00:19:35.664 --> 00:19:36.945

Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

00:19:37.345 --> 00:19:38.345

I don't know exactly what

00:19:38.385 --> 00:19:39.506

was said in that blessing,

00:19:39.906 --> 00:19:40.666

but during my

00:19:40.746 --> 00:19:42.706

forty-five-ish years in the church,

00:19:43.607 --> 00:19:44.627

I found those blessings to

00:19:44.667 --> 00:19:46.067

be very formulaic.

00:19:47.068 --> 00:19:49.025

For girls, mostly,

00:19:51.025 --> 00:19:53.206

we were blessed that we would be faithful,

00:19:53.966 --> 00:19:55.146

that we would learn the gospel,

00:19:55.546 --> 00:19:56.907

that we would get baptized,

00:19:57.967 --> 00:19:59.087

and that we would find a

00:19:59.127 --> 00:20:00.608

worthy young man to take us

00:20:00.648 --> 00:20:01.268

to the temple.

00:20:02.734 --> 00:20:03.895

And I'm certain that that

00:20:04.195 --> 00:20:05.696

was part of my baby blessing,

00:20:06.056 --> 00:20:06.817

although I'd have to go

00:20:06.857 --> 00:20:08.638

back and ask about it,

00:20:09.058 --> 00:20:10.779

but I don't really want to.

00:20:11.176 --> 00:20:12.216

Most likely I would have

00:20:12.236 --> 00:20:13.097

been blessed to have

00:20:13.177 --> 00:20:15.078

children and that my

00:20:15.118 --> 00:20:16.199

children would be sealed to

00:20:16.239 --> 00:20:18.599

me and that we would be together forever.

00:20:18.619 --> 00:20:20.340

That happened when I was an infant,

00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:22.081

probably just a couple of weeks old.

00:20:22.816 --> 00:20:23.956

So from the time of my

00:20:24.076 --> 00:20:26.637

infancy until three years old,

00:20:27.276 --> 00:20:30.296

my parents would have said

00:20:30.556 --> 00:20:31.977

prayers together as a

00:20:32.017 --> 00:20:34.117

family every morning and every evening.

00:20:35.358 --> 00:20:35.978

They would have read

00:20:36.058 --> 00:20:38.978

scriptures to me and my siblings.

00:20:39.577 --> 00:20:40.998

They would have taught me to pray.

00:20:42.198 --> 00:20:43.878

They would have taught me things like,

00:20:44.278 --> 00:20:45.299

Jesus loves you.

00:20:45.719 --> 00:20:46.759

You're a child of God.

00:20:47.249 --> 00:20:48.070

And they would have taken me

00:20:48.110 --> 00:20:49.051

to church every single

00:20:49.091 --> 00:20:51.073

Sunday for three hours

00:20:52.014 --> 00:20:53.055

where we would sit together

00:20:53.095 --> 00:20:54.396

as a family during the main

00:20:54.476 --> 00:20:57.098

sacrament meeting or communion.

00:20:57.778 --> 00:20:59.880

And during the second hour and third hour,

00:21:00.060 --> 00:21:01.041

I probably would have

00:21:01.101 --> 00:21:02.763

stayed with my mother while

00:21:02.803 --> 00:21:04.925

she went to her two final meetings,

00:21:05.105 --> 00:21:06.346

one a women's meeting and

00:21:06.506 --> 00:21:08.228

one a Sunday school for adults.

00:21:08.746 --> 00:21:09.967

My family also would have

00:21:10.007 --> 00:21:11.909

attended a lot of social

00:21:11.949 --> 00:21:13.250

gatherings that involved

00:21:13.390 --> 00:21:15.211

other members of our church congregation.

00:21:16.092 --> 00:21:16.852

For example,

00:21:16.993 --> 00:21:18.193

every holiday there would have

00:21:18.234 --> 00:21:19.154

been some kind of an

00:21:19.214 --> 00:21:21.756

activity or dinner or other meeting.

00:21:22.276 --> 00:21:23.517

I also probably would have

00:21:23.537 --> 00:21:25.058

accompanied my mom as she

00:21:25.098 --> 00:21:26.299

went to visit other members

00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:28.181

of the ward as part of her

00:21:28.421 --> 00:21:29.842

visiting teaching assignment.

00:21:30.943 --> 00:21:31.984

Now visiting teaching is a

00:21:32.024 --> 00:21:34.286

program by which everybody

00:21:34.326 --> 00:21:36.027

in the church gets assigned

00:21:38.395 --> 00:21:41.417

an adult woman who travels

00:21:41.457 --> 00:21:43.318

in a pair with another adult woman,

00:21:43.498 --> 00:21:45.320

and they once a month are

00:21:45.340 --> 00:21:46.620

to visit the people that

00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:47.481

they're assigned to,

00:21:47.661 --> 00:21:50.003

usually three to four different families.

00:21:51.324 --> 00:21:53.505

And these sisters would visit together.

00:21:53.525 --> 00:21:54.326

They called each other

00:21:54.626 --> 00:21:56.147

brother and sister in the church.

00:21:56.407 --> 00:21:57.608

So these sisters would visit

00:21:57.648 --> 00:21:58.648

together about what was

00:21:58.668 --> 00:21:59.889

going on in their lives and

00:21:59.929 --> 00:22:01.250

what needs they might have.

00:22:01.710 --> 00:22:02.971

And it was an organization

00:22:02.991 --> 00:22:04.092

that was meant to just make

00:22:04.112 --> 00:22:05.273

sure that everybody's needs

00:22:05.313 --> 00:22:07.192

were met and that people

00:22:07.232 --> 00:22:09.053

were fellowshiped into the gospel.

00:22:09.673 --> 00:22:09.813

See,

00:22:09.834 --> 00:22:11.294

this is why I feel like I just have to

00:22:11.334 --> 00:22:13.416

give a whole vocabulary lesson.

00:22:14.356 --> 00:22:15.557

Being fellowshiped just

00:22:15.617 --> 00:22:16.738

means that people are

00:22:16.778 --> 00:22:17.999

encouraging you to go to

00:22:18.059 --> 00:22:19.940

church and attend your meetings and

00:22:22.046 --> 00:22:23.547

encouraging you to say your

00:22:23.587 --> 00:22:26.107

prayers and have your family prayers.

00:22:26.207 --> 00:22:28.288

And in the seventies,

00:22:28.548 --> 00:22:29.508

the leadership of the

00:22:29.548 --> 00:22:30.909

church instituted a program

00:22:30.949 --> 00:22:32.189

called Family Home Evening,

00:22:32.209 --> 00:22:33.670

where every Monday night we

00:22:33.710 --> 00:22:34.690

were expected to meet

00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:35.790

together as a family,

00:22:36.230 --> 00:22:38.031

have a song and a prayer

00:22:38.191 --> 00:22:40.532

and a lesson and a song and a prayer.

00:22:41.652 --> 00:22:44.369

And if we were lucky, a treat afterwards.

00:22:44.409 --> 00:22:46.370

So even before the age of three,

00:22:46.922 --> 00:22:48.203

I probably already would

00:22:48.243 --> 00:22:49.464

have endured hundreds and

00:22:49.524 --> 00:22:51.785

hundreds of hours where I

00:22:51.825 --> 00:22:53.966

was a listening ear to

00:22:54.126 --> 00:22:55.206

everything that was going

00:22:55.326 --> 00:22:57.127

on in Mormonism.

00:22:58.468 --> 00:22:59.708

At church on Sundays,

00:23:00.309 --> 00:23:02.310

on my mom's visiting teaching visits,

00:23:03.090 --> 00:23:04.551

at the social activities,

00:23:05.770 --> 00:23:07.832

And in our home every single day,

00:23:08.452 --> 00:23:11.114

praying twice a day as a family, saying,

00:23:11.495 --> 00:23:12.896

reading scriptures together

00:23:13.016 --> 00:23:14.797

every day and praying over

00:23:14.857 --> 00:23:16.238

every meal as a family.

00:23:16.858 --> 00:23:18.079

At the age of three,

00:23:18.980 --> 00:23:19.921

I would have been allowed

00:23:20.001 --> 00:23:20.982

during the second and third

00:23:21.002 --> 00:23:22.423

hour of church to attend

00:23:22.463 --> 00:23:24.965

Sunday school with other children my age.

00:23:26.106 --> 00:23:27.907

And that's where the real

00:23:28.307 --> 00:23:30.910

indoctrination continued

00:23:31.850 --> 00:23:32.631

and strengthened.

00:23:33.057 --> 00:23:33.938

Sunday school for young

00:23:33.978 --> 00:23:35.438

people is called primary.

00:23:36.119 --> 00:23:37.340

It's for children of the

00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:40.081

ages of three to twelve.

00:23:41.622 --> 00:23:43.043

And what happens in primary

00:23:43.843 --> 00:23:45.982

is that this is the real

00:23:46.022 --> 00:23:49.724

place where kids get brainwashed.

00:23:50.725 --> 00:23:51.666

And I don't think that I'm

00:23:51.706 --> 00:23:54.087

being too harsh with that word.

00:23:56.048 --> 00:23:57.329

We were taught songs.

00:23:58.388 --> 00:24:00.509

all of which reinforced the

00:24:00.589 --> 00:24:02.430

ideals of gospel principles,

00:24:03.951 --> 00:24:05.752

reinforcing the idea that

00:24:05.792 --> 00:24:07.172

we are the one true church,

00:24:07.793 --> 00:24:09.834

reinforcing the idea that

00:24:10.034 --> 00:24:12.295

temples are the most important thing,

00:24:12.415 --> 00:24:13.675

that our goal should always

00:24:13.716 --> 00:24:14.976

be to go to the temple and

00:24:15.016 --> 00:24:16.795

to be with our family forever.

00:24:16.815 --> 00:24:18.376

The songs would reinforce

00:24:18.976 --> 00:24:20.717

the idea of Joseph Smith as

00:24:20.737 --> 00:24:22.318

a prophet and as a martyr,

00:24:23.423 --> 00:24:24.664

There's even a song that

00:24:24.744 --> 00:24:27.166

names all of the prophets of the church.

00:24:27.662 --> 00:24:28.843

So yes, to this day,

00:24:29.003 --> 00:24:30.124

I still know all of the

00:24:30.164 --> 00:24:31.224

names of every single

00:24:31.264 --> 00:24:32.445

person who has ever been a

00:24:32.505 --> 00:24:35.826

prophet of the Mormon church.

00:24:35.866 --> 00:24:38.948

Memorization was really, really important

00:24:40.477 --> 00:24:41.938

so i became a good memorizer

00:24:42.958 --> 00:24:44.218

they wanted us to memorize

00:24:44.278 --> 00:24:46.379

all of these songs because

00:24:46.459 --> 00:24:48.600

once a year the primary or

00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:49.780

the children's organization

00:24:49.860 --> 00:24:52.361

would put on a show during

00:24:52.401 --> 00:24:54.802

the main sunday meeting it

00:24:54.822 --> 00:24:55.842

was called the primary

00:24:55.882 --> 00:24:59.143

program so once a year the

00:24:59.183 --> 00:25:00.403

children's organization

00:25:00.563 --> 00:25:01.984

would take over the whole meeting

00:25:03.056 --> 00:25:04.257

And we would sing all of the

00:25:04.297 --> 00:25:05.738

songs that we had memorized

00:25:06.139 --> 00:25:07.520

and each one of us would

00:25:07.560 --> 00:25:10.983

have a part that we would

00:25:11.103 --> 00:25:13.926

speak from the pulpit.

00:25:15.928 --> 00:25:19.611

So the primary program always had a theme.

00:25:20.091 --> 00:25:20.712

For example,

00:25:21.478 --> 00:25:22.379

The theme could have been

00:25:22.439 --> 00:25:24.340

families can be together forever.

00:25:24.861 --> 00:25:26.742

So everything in the program

00:25:27.283 --> 00:25:29.384

would be specifically about that theme.

00:25:30.225 --> 00:25:31.906

And then each class would

00:25:31.947 --> 00:25:33.328

get to recite the things

00:25:33.368 --> 00:25:34.348

that they were learning

00:25:34.389 --> 00:25:36.450

that year that related to that theme.

00:25:36.931 --> 00:25:38.452

So when I was three years old,

00:25:38.992 --> 00:25:40.193

my part might have sounded

00:25:40.233 --> 00:25:42.835

something like this.

00:25:43.096 --> 00:25:44.697

I have a family who loves me

00:25:45.417 --> 00:25:48.000

and we can be together forever.

00:25:48.120 --> 00:25:48.520

That's it.

00:25:49.020 --> 00:25:49.740

Then they would pass the

00:25:49.780 --> 00:25:50.960

microphone to the next kid

00:25:50.980 --> 00:25:51.941

and the next kid would say

00:25:51.981 --> 00:25:53.021

something different like,

00:25:54.081 --> 00:25:55.301

my mommy and daddy were

00:25:55.341 --> 00:25:56.942

married in the temple and I

00:25:56.982 --> 00:25:58.202

want to be married there too.

00:26:00.443 --> 00:26:00.543

Now,

00:26:00.583 --> 00:26:01.843

maybe those parts were probably more

00:26:01.883 --> 00:26:02.923

like for a five-year-old

00:26:02.943 --> 00:26:03.743

because three-year-olds,

00:26:03.763 --> 00:26:04.684

their parts were usually

00:26:04.724 --> 00:26:05.764

just two or three words

00:26:05.784 --> 00:26:08.705

like I'm a child of God.

00:26:08.885 --> 00:26:09.865

As you got older,

00:26:09.965 --> 00:26:10.785

your part would get a

00:26:10.825 --> 00:26:12.065

little bit longer and a

00:26:12.105 --> 00:26:13.326

little bit more complicated,

00:26:13.346 --> 00:26:14.386

but you were expected to

00:26:14.426 --> 00:26:15.426

memorize it and you were

00:26:15.486 --> 00:26:16.967

expected to know how it fit

00:26:17.067 --> 00:26:18.627

into the context of the theme.

00:26:18.931 --> 00:26:21.710

And the memorizing doesn't end there.

00:26:21.730 --> 00:26:23.551

We were also taught and

00:26:23.591 --> 00:26:24.732

encouraged to memorize

00:26:24.772 --> 00:26:26.153

scriptures from the Book of

00:26:26.193 --> 00:26:28.154

Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants,

00:26:28.834 --> 00:26:30.055

sometimes from the Bible,

00:26:30.515 --> 00:26:31.356

but not very often.

00:26:31.955 --> 00:26:34.016

So from the age of three to

00:26:34.056 --> 00:26:35.016

the age of eight,

00:26:35.576 --> 00:26:36.776

the entire purpose of the

00:26:36.816 --> 00:26:38.777

primary program is to

00:26:38.817 --> 00:26:41.614

prepare children for baptism.

00:26:41.654 --> 00:26:43.395

Joseph Smith taught that

00:26:43.435 --> 00:26:44.735

before the age of eight,

00:26:45.155 --> 00:26:47.116

children can learn right from wrong,

00:26:47.476 --> 00:26:48.576

but they aren't yet

00:26:48.656 --> 00:26:50.576

accountable for their choices.

00:26:51.397 --> 00:26:54.898

Meaning that whatever sins

00:26:54.938 --> 00:26:56.618

they commit or things that they do wrong,

00:26:57.085 --> 00:26:58.446

Don't count against them

00:26:58.486 --> 00:27:01.507

before the age of eight.

00:27:01.527 --> 00:27:03.888

Then once you decide to be baptized,

00:27:04.628 --> 00:27:07.029

you're given a set of

00:27:07.069 --> 00:27:09.670

commandments that you need to follow.

00:27:10.350 --> 00:27:11.010

The rules.

00:27:12.191 --> 00:27:13.391

How you're supposed to behave.

00:27:14.132 --> 00:27:15.232

How you're supposed to do life.

00:27:15.352 --> 00:27:17.033

In addition to the Ten Commandments.

00:27:18.734 --> 00:27:20.214

Then if you break a commandment,

00:27:20.234 --> 00:27:21.695

you're supposed to repent.

00:27:21.775 --> 00:27:22.255

Repent.

00:27:24.255 --> 00:27:25.496

meaning that you pray to God

00:27:25.636 --> 00:27:27.037

and you ask for forgiveness,

00:27:27.437 --> 00:27:29.039

you promise not to do it again,

00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:30.380

and then you try your

00:27:30.420 --> 00:27:33.000

hardest to do better in the future.

00:27:33.020 --> 00:27:33.820

We'll get back to that

00:27:33.860 --> 00:27:35.301

concept in a little while.

00:27:35.802 --> 00:27:36.482

But right now,

00:27:36.702 --> 00:27:38.123

just focusing on from the

00:27:38.284 --> 00:27:39.885

age of three to the age of eight,

00:27:40.785 --> 00:27:43.507

it is the job of the primary organization,

00:27:44.828 --> 00:27:46.129

your Sunday school teacher,

00:27:47.130 --> 00:27:48.451

and the leadership of the

00:27:48.491 --> 00:27:49.632

primary organization

00:27:50.222 --> 00:27:52.323

They want to prepare you to get baptized.

00:27:52.343 --> 00:27:53.684

They want to prepare you to

00:27:53.724 --> 00:27:56.086

make promises to God and

00:27:56.106 --> 00:27:58.163

then to keep those promises.

00:27:58.223 --> 00:27:59.084

When I was a kid,

00:27:59.104 --> 00:28:02.186

baptisms were a big celebratory deal.

00:28:02.366 --> 00:28:04.227

A lot of people had some

00:28:04.267 --> 00:28:06.329

kind of a party or celebration.

00:28:07.223 --> 00:28:08.964

Just after the baptism was over,

00:28:09.084 --> 00:28:10.144

in the church building,

00:28:10.264 --> 00:28:12.345

they would have cake or

00:28:12.385 --> 00:28:13.785

some other kind of a treat.

00:28:14.285 --> 00:28:15.065

People would bring you

00:28:15.105 --> 00:28:16.586

presents or give you money.

00:28:17.266 --> 00:28:19.307

You were expected to, for the first time,

00:28:19.367 --> 00:28:21.611

pay tithing as an eight-year-old child.

00:28:21.611 --> 00:28:22.325

I remember being

00:28:22.365 --> 00:28:24.126

disappointed at my baptism

00:28:24.646 --> 00:28:25.887

because there were some

00:28:25.927 --> 00:28:27.867

converts who were being baptized,

00:28:28.007 --> 00:28:29.188

meaning some adults that

00:28:29.228 --> 00:28:30.428

had worked with the missionaries.

00:28:31.231 --> 00:28:32.752

And they were being baptized

00:28:32.912 --> 00:28:34.874

at the same time on the same day as me.

00:28:34.914 --> 00:28:35.575

And I remember being

00:28:35.615 --> 00:28:37.877

disappointed because all of

00:28:37.897 --> 00:28:39.018

the other people that I had

00:28:39.078 --> 00:28:41.920

seen get baptized, it was just them.

00:28:41.980 --> 00:28:43.341

It was their special day.

00:28:43.521 --> 00:28:44.582

The whole thing was about

00:28:44.622 --> 00:28:45.843

them and their baptism.

00:28:46.344 --> 00:28:47.685

And they got to celebrate

00:28:48.305 --> 00:28:50.007

with their people and get

00:28:50.047 --> 00:28:50.967

all the presents and

00:28:50.987 --> 00:28:51.828

everything like that.

00:28:52.328 --> 00:28:54.470

So I was sad that my baptism

00:28:54.510 --> 00:28:55.731

didn't feel as special

00:28:55.771 --> 00:28:56.592

because there were other

00:28:56.652 --> 00:28:57.413

people there getting

00:28:57.453 --> 00:28:58.934

baptized on the same day.

00:28:59.504 --> 00:29:01.445

Now, it's a good thing that as a child,

00:29:01.565 --> 00:29:03.127

I didn't overthink things

00:29:03.167 --> 00:29:05.607

too much because I'm a very

00:29:05.627 --> 00:29:06.468

visual person.

00:29:06.868 --> 00:29:08.089

And one of the ways that I

00:29:08.149 --> 00:29:10.591

remember things well is I visualize them.

00:29:11.471 --> 00:29:14.554

And we're taught that when we get baptized,

00:29:14.714 --> 00:29:16.055

our sins are washed away.

00:29:16.855 --> 00:29:18.576

And I sort of thought of

00:29:18.596 --> 00:29:19.917

that in a literal sense.

00:29:20.758 --> 00:29:22.039

And I was wondering how

00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:23.400

black the water was going

00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:25.261

to turn when I got baptized

00:29:25.741 --> 00:29:26.822

because of all my sins.

00:29:27.128 --> 00:29:28.609

But I was relieved in

00:29:28.829 --> 00:29:30.030

visiting the baptisms of

00:29:30.050 --> 00:29:31.111

some of my friends in

00:29:31.151 --> 00:29:33.013

Sunday school who turned eight before me.

00:29:33.033 --> 00:29:34.774

I was relieved to see that

00:29:34.814 --> 00:29:35.915

the water didn't turn any

00:29:35.975 --> 00:29:36.776

color so you couldn't

00:29:36.896 --> 00:29:38.297

actually see the sins.

00:29:39.538 --> 00:29:40.779

But on my baptism day,

00:29:40.939 --> 00:29:42.240

I had to share the font

00:29:42.380 --> 00:29:43.741

with these two other people

00:29:43.941 --> 00:29:44.822

who were adults.

00:29:45.382 --> 00:29:46.043

And man,

00:29:46.163 --> 00:29:47.124

if I would have thought for a

00:29:47.184 --> 00:29:48.525

second about how many sins

00:29:48.545 --> 00:29:50.686

they had and how sinful the

00:29:50.726 --> 00:29:52.508

water was before I got in it.

00:29:52.568 --> 00:29:53.509

I don't remember if I went

00:29:53.549 --> 00:29:55.290

first or second or third or what, but

00:29:55.865 --> 00:29:56.766

It's a good thing I wasn't

00:29:56.806 --> 00:29:58.067

obsessing about those things.

00:29:59.628 --> 00:30:01.410

But just the fact that I had

00:30:01.450 --> 00:30:02.511

to think about the water

00:30:02.551 --> 00:30:05.073

turning black means that at

00:30:05.093 --> 00:30:06.094

the age of eight,

00:30:06.955 --> 00:30:08.977

I was already indoctrinated

00:30:09.117 --> 00:30:10.117

into this system.

00:30:10.157 --> 00:30:11.358

I also remember very

00:30:11.398 --> 00:30:12.719

specifically one time.

00:30:13.172 --> 00:30:15.635

that as I think a seven year old child,

00:30:15.795 --> 00:30:16.676

I stole a cookie.

00:30:16.916 --> 00:30:18.958

My mom made cookies pretty frequently.

00:30:19.399 --> 00:30:20.720

And we almost always had

00:30:21.020 --> 00:30:21.861

homemade chocolate chip

00:30:21.881 --> 00:30:23.062

cookies in a little cookie

00:30:23.082 --> 00:30:24.524

jar that sat on the counter.

00:30:25.325 --> 00:30:27.367

And I love cookies, who doesn't?

00:30:28.108 --> 00:30:29.469

So I think one day I stole a

00:30:29.509 --> 00:30:31.752

cookie and my mom found out about it.

00:30:31.912 --> 00:30:33.914

And I think I lied about it too, because

00:30:34.875 --> 00:30:36.076

In my household growing up,

00:30:36.416 --> 00:30:38.657

it was not really safe to make a mistake.

00:30:39.198 --> 00:30:40.298

There was a lot of yelling.

00:30:41.239 --> 00:30:44.921

And I remember always just

00:30:44.961 --> 00:30:45.902

wanting to do whatever I

00:30:45.922 --> 00:30:47.723

could to keep from getting yelled at.

00:30:48.503 --> 00:30:49.444

And so I'm sure when she

00:30:49.544 --> 00:30:51.365

asked me if I took a cookie, I said no,

00:30:51.385 --> 00:30:53.161

because I didn't want to get yelled at.

00:30:53.201 --> 00:30:55.042

And I remember my mom saying to me,

00:30:56.676 --> 00:30:57.776

that I had a lot of

00:30:57.836 --> 00:30:59.717

repenting to do if I wanted

00:30:59.757 --> 00:31:08.277

to get baptized when I turned eight.

00:31:08.297 --> 00:31:12.058

Looking back on it now, first of all,

00:31:12.138 --> 00:31:12.838

one of the reasons I

00:31:12.898 --> 00:31:14.058

remember that comment is

00:31:14.098 --> 00:31:15.798

because it really hit me.

00:31:16.078 --> 00:31:17.839

It really stayed with me and

00:31:17.879 --> 00:31:19.019

it really hurt.

00:31:21.558 --> 00:31:23.098

My mom was suggesting to me

00:31:23.138 --> 00:31:26.139

that I was sinful and that

00:31:26.600 --> 00:31:28.240

if I wanted to get baptized,

00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:29.600

I needed to repent.

00:31:30.821 --> 00:31:31.061

Which,

00:31:31.621 --> 00:31:33.161

if you understand what Joseph Smith

00:31:33.181 --> 00:31:33.642

taught,

00:31:34.022 --> 00:31:36.102

that the age of accountability is eight,

00:31:36.142 --> 00:31:37.903

meaning kids younger than

00:31:38.003 --> 00:31:39.163

eight can learn right from wrong,

00:31:39.183 --> 00:31:39.963

but they can't be held

00:31:40.003 --> 00:31:41.344

accountable for their choices.

00:31:41.924 --> 00:31:42.684

Or in other words,

00:31:42.724 --> 00:31:44.385

they can't be punished for

00:31:44.405 --> 00:31:45.525

their sins before they're

00:31:45.585 --> 00:31:46.225

eight years old because

00:31:46.245 --> 00:31:47.566

they don't fully understand

00:31:47.626 --> 00:31:48.446

the choices yet.

00:31:49.102 --> 00:31:50.183

And that's why that comment

00:31:50.223 --> 00:31:51.844

hit me so hard is because I

00:31:51.884 --> 00:31:54.245

thought that before the age of eight,

00:31:54.526 --> 00:31:55.526

I was sinless,

00:31:56.007 --> 00:31:57.127

but I was confused by the

00:31:57.167 --> 00:31:58.048

fact that they said that

00:31:58.068 --> 00:32:00.249

the baptism washes away your sins.

00:32:00.990 --> 00:32:03.231

So it was all very confusing

00:32:03.271 --> 00:32:05.493

doctrine to me from the very beginning,

00:32:05.973 --> 00:32:06.854

but I didn't,

00:32:07.974 --> 00:32:09.075

but I wasn't able to

00:32:09.135 --> 00:32:10.736

question it because

00:32:11.076 --> 00:32:12.377

everybody in my family was

00:32:12.437 --> 00:32:13.098

living this way.

00:32:14.057 --> 00:32:16.059

All of my aunts and uncles and cousins,

00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:18.181

all of my ancestors, well,

00:32:18.201 --> 00:32:19.041

for the most part,

00:32:20.683 --> 00:32:22.124

especially on my mom's side,

00:32:22.644 --> 00:32:23.945

they were all living this life.

00:32:23.965 --> 00:32:25.126

They had all been faithful

00:32:25.166 --> 00:32:26.127

Mormons from the day they

00:32:26.147 --> 00:32:27.909

were born until the day that they died.

00:32:28.389 --> 00:32:30.631

So who was I to question it?

00:32:31.236 --> 00:32:32.537

If all of the adults in my

00:32:32.577 --> 00:32:34.638

life that I trusted

00:32:34.898 --> 00:32:36.239

believed that this was true,

00:32:36.859 --> 00:32:37.539

it must be true.

00:32:38.415 --> 00:32:41.017

And that's why Mormonism

00:32:41.057 --> 00:32:42.798

goes beyond brainwashing

00:32:43.618 --> 00:32:45.619

because it's your entire

00:32:45.659 --> 00:32:49.941

family system and your entire community.

00:32:50.101 --> 00:32:51.542

Even for people who are only

00:32:51.622 --> 00:32:53.503

second or third generation Mormons,

00:32:54.641 --> 00:32:56.241

If you grow up with the idea

00:32:56.561 --> 00:32:58.642

that your parents, well, first of all,

00:32:59.182 --> 00:33:00.662

I think all children have

00:33:00.902 --> 00:33:02.543

an idea up to a certain age

00:33:02.563 --> 00:33:04.083

that their parents are infallible.

00:33:04.643 --> 00:33:05.544

They believe their parents

00:33:05.604 --> 00:33:06.704

know everything.

00:33:07.244 --> 00:33:08.004

They believe their parents

00:33:08.044 --> 00:33:09.404

are superheroes.

00:33:10.485 --> 00:33:11.465

And it's really

00:33:11.505 --> 00:33:12.725

disillusioning as a child

00:33:12.745 --> 00:33:14.446

when you find out that's not the case.

00:33:16.106 --> 00:33:18.026

But you learn to accept it

00:33:18.386 --> 00:33:20.027

because then you realize, well, I guess,

00:33:21.126 --> 00:33:22.728

they're human beings and all

00:33:22.768 --> 00:33:23.789

adults are human beings who

00:33:23.809 --> 00:33:26.792

make mistakes.

00:33:26.853 --> 00:33:27.994

But when I was growing up,

00:33:30.944 --> 00:33:32.224

I remember my mom telling a

00:33:32.264 --> 00:33:34.405

story about going to the

00:33:34.465 --> 00:33:36.425

movies on a Sunday when she was a child.

00:33:37.122 --> 00:33:40.043

is not really allowed when you're Mormon.

00:33:40.563 --> 00:33:41.463

You're supposed to keep the

00:33:41.503 --> 00:33:42.503

Sabbath day holy,

00:33:43.043 --> 00:33:45.324

which to Mormons means that

00:33:45.384 --> 00:33:46.704

you don't work on Sunday.

00:33:46.844 --> 00:33:49.004

You don't do yard work or chores.

00:33:49.164 --> 00:33:50.425

A lot of people are not

00:33:50.445 --> 00:33:51.445

allowed to do homework.

00:33:51.605 --> 00:33:52.085

I wasn't.

00:33:53.801 --> 00:33:55.101

You're supposed to only do

00:33:55.121 --> 00:33:56.862

things that honor God.

00:33:56.922 --> 00:33:58.382

So you're supposed to go to church.

00:33:58.982 --> 00:34:00.183

You can read your scriptures.

00:34:00.203 --> 00:34:01.883

You can read other church magazines.

00:34:02.123 --> 00:34:03.964

My dad only played classical

00:34:04.004 --> 00:34:05.084

music on Sundays,

00:34:05.564 --> 00:34:06.644

which is where I developed

00:34:06.684 --> 00:34:07.924

my love of classical music.

00:34:07.964 --> 00:34:09.665

So I'm not really mad about that.

00:34:10.262 --> 00:34:11.702

But in my mom's house growing up,

00:34:12.542 --> 00:34:13.603

hanging out with friends on

00:34:13.663 --> 00:34:14.723

Sundays was not allowed.

00:34:14.823 --> 00:34:15.783

And going to the movies

00:34:15.823 --> 00:34:16.583

where you were spending

00:34:16.623 --> 00:34:18.524

money was definitely not allowed.

00:34:19.857 --> 00:34:22.640

Spending money on Sundays is a sin,

00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:23.701

in case you didn't know.

00:34:24.020 --> 00:34:25.321

But these friends of my mom

00:34:25.382 --> 00:34:26.563

invited her to the movies,

00:34:26.603 --> 00:34:27.704

and actually they must have

00:34:27.724 --> 00:34:28.404

been Mormon too,

00:34:28.424 --> 00:34:30.386

because she grew up in small town Idaho.

00:34:30.987 --> 00:34:33.529

So my mom asked her dad, my grandfather,

00:34:33.609 --> 00:34:34.270

if she could go to the

00:34:34.290 --> 00:34:35.431

movies with these friends,

00:34:35.651 --> 00:34:36.932

and I guess she was old

00:34:36.992 --> 00:34:38.394

enough that my grandfather said, well,

00:34:40.638 --> 00:34:41.679

You know what we believe,

00:34:41.739 --> 00:34:43.179

but I'm going to leave it up to you.

00:34:43.379 --> 00:34:44.420

You get to make the choice.

00:34:45.140 --> 00:34:47.081

And my mom was probably like, sweet.

00:34:48.341 --> 00:34:49.362

So she chose to go to the

00:34:49.402 --> 00:34:50.522

movies with her friends.

00:34:51.743 --> 00:34:53.723

But she felt so guilty and

00:34:53.823 --> 00:34:56.564

so terrible about it that

00:34:56.724 --> 00:34:58.425

she knew it was the wrong choice.

00:34:58.805 --> 00:35:00.046

And when she got home,

00:35:00.726 --> 00:35:02.207

she apologized to my

00:35:02.247 --> 00:35:04.908

grandfather and she repented.

00:35:06.528 --> 00:35:07.649

And that's the only...

00:35:08.751 --> 00:35:11.293

story that i have of my mom

00:35:11.333 --> 00:35:13.075

making a mistake when she

00:35:13.095 --> 00:35:14.836

was growing up so i really

00:35:14.876 --> 00:35:15.577

did think she was

00:35:15.617 --> 00:35:19.420

infallible and certainly my

00:35:19.460 --> 00:35:20.361

dad couldn't make any

00:35:20.421 --> 00:35:21.162

mistakes because he's

00:35:21.202 --> 00:35:22.302

smarter than my mom because

00:35:22.463 --> 00:35:23.544

if you didn't know men are

00:35:23.564 --> 00:35:24.464

smarter than women they

00:35:24.484 --> 00:35:25.845

have the priesthood so they

00:35:25.865 --> 00:35:26.746

have more authority they

00:35:26.766 --> 00:35:27.807

have more power they have

00:35:27.847 --> 00:35:29.108

to be even more righteous

00:35:29.989 --> 00:35:31.110

because they constantly

00:35:31.150 --> 00:35:33.472

have to be ready to use the

00:35:33.512 --> 00:35:35.113

priesthood power anytime

00:35:35.253 --> 00:35:36.895

somebody is sick or

00:35:38.052 --> 00:35:39.573

Any minor inconvenience happens.

00:35:41.754 --> 00:35:42.675

So when you believe that

00:35:42.715 --> 00:35:43.896

your parents are infallible

00:35:43.976 --> 00:35:44.556

and that they know

00:35:44.656 --> 00:35:46.498

everything and they're

00:35:46.538 --> 00:35:47.659

choosing to live a life in

00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:48.539

Mormonism where you're

00:35:48.599 --> 00:35:50.401

constantly told that it's

00:35:50.421 --> 00:35:53.403

the only true church and

00:35:53.423 --> 00:35:54.864

they use your emotions

00:35:55.045 --> 00:35:56.686

against you to confirm

00:35:56.726 --> 00:35:57.907

these things to you,

00:35:59.929 --> 00:36:01.150

you believe it more and

00:36:01.210 --> 00:36:04.072

more and more and more as you get older.

00:36:04.864 --> 00:36:06.344

And you're encouraged to

00:36:06.544 --> 00:36:08.805

seek out experiences where

00:36:08.845 --> 00:36:10.665

the Holy Ghost witnesses to

00:36:10.705 --> 00:36:12.962

you the truth of these things.

00:36:13.002 --> 00:36:16.303

So it's more than brainwashing.

00:36:16.623 --> 00:36:18.083

It's more than indoctrination.

00:36:18.963 --> 00:36:19.763

When you grow up with a

00:36:19.803 --> 00:36:20.843

family that's Mormon,

00:36:21.003 --> 00:36:23.784

it's total immersion in a total culture.

00:36:24.004 --> 00:36:26.224

And the only reason why I

00:36:26.244 --> 00:36:27.465

didn't get more

00:36:27.505 --> 00:36:28.845

indoctrination is because I

00:36:28.885 --> 00:36:29.845

didn't live in Utah.

00:36:30.413 --> 00:36:32.695

Although I've heard a lot of

00:36:32.735 --> 00:36:34.457

people from Utah say that

00:36:34.897 --> 00:36:36.559

growing up outside of Utah,

00:36:36.859 --> 00:36:37.579

you have a bigger

00:36:37.640 --> 00:36:39.701

responsibility to be

00:36:39.741 --> 00:36:41.663

faithful and to keep the

00:36:41.683 --> 00:36:42.644

commandments because

00:36:42.684 --> 00:36:44.766

everybody's watching you to

00:36:44.846 --> 00:36:46.828

see what Mormons are like.

00:36:47.168 --> 00:36:48.629

And they will choose to join

00:36:48.669 --> 00:36:49.810

the church or not join the

00:36:49.830 --> 00:36:51.192

church based on how you

00:36:51.272 --> 00:36:52.333

live your life and whether

00:36:52.373 --> 00:36:53.714

or not you're a good enough Mormon.

00:36:54.790 --> 00:36:57.051

So at the age of eight, I was baptized.

00:36:57.611 --> 00:36:58.551

And then once you are

00:36:58.631 --> 00:37:01.332

baptized from the ages of eight to twelve,

00:37:01.832 --> 00:37:04.613

there was at the time, not anymore,

00:37:04.633 --> 00:37:05.513

but at the time there was a

00:37:05.573 --> 00:37:07.773

program called the Faith in God Award.

00:37:09.374 --> 00:37:11.374

And who doesn't want to win

00:37:11.554 --> 00:37:12.575

a Mormon award?

00:37:13.135 --> 00:37:17.076

I mean, this is what we all strive for.

00:37:17.735 --> 00:37:18.855

because it would prove that

00:37:18.955 --> 00:37:20.476

you were a good Mormon,

00:37:20.556 --> 00:37:21.176

that you were doing

00:37:21.216 --> 00:37:22.017

everything that you were

00:37:22.057 --> 00:37:23.077

supposed to be doing.

00:37:23.717 --> 00:37:25.298

So we had this little pamphlet.

00:37:25.318 --> 00:37:27.439

It was, it was like a threefold card.

00:37:27.779 --> 00:37:29.039

And on the outside of the

00:37:29.079 --> 00:37:30.320

card was a picture of the

00:37:30.360 --> 00:37:34.721

faith in God award.

00:37:34.761 --> 00:37:35.858

Hold please.

00:37:36.178 --> 00:37:38.699

Ah, thank Jeebus for the internet.

00:37:39.613 --> 00:37:40.873

So I was mistaken.

00:37:41.033 --> 00:37:44.294

The Faith in God Award was just for boys.

00:37:45.075 --> 00:37:46.455

The girls version of that

00:37:46.495 --> 00:37:49.416

was called the Gospel in Action Award.

00:37:50.376 --> 00:37:51.656

And it ran from nineteen

00:37:51.696 --> 00:37:52.917

eighty two to twenty twenty

00:37:52.937 --> 00:37:54.057

for Mormon children under

00:37:54.077 --> 00:37:54.857

the age of twelve.

00:37:54.877 --> 00:37:56.858

Thank you to Haley Labrum

00:37:57.418 --> 00:37:59.879

for this way back machine.

00:38:00.259 --> 00:38:02.099

We got a little card just like this.

00:38:02.179 --> 00:38:03.580

It was a threefold pamphlet

00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:04.600

that looked like this.

00:38:04.640 --> 00:38:05.020

And yes,

00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:06.181

I would have written my name on it

00:38:06.201 --> 00:38:07.161

with a heart as well.

00:38:08.248 --> 00:38:11.597

It says, let's see on the inside,

00:38:12.039 --> 00:38:12.460

here we go.

00:38:13.322 --> 00:38:14.144

Requirements.

00:38:16.023 --> 00:38:16.984

To obtain the award,

00:38:17.144 --> 00:38:18.625

choose a goal in one of the

00:38:18.665 --> 00:38:20.727

four general areas listed on this card.

00:38:20.867 --> 00:38:21.828

After choosing a goal,

00:38:21.848 --> 00:38:23.089

complete the following steps.

00:38:23.549 --> 00:38:23.709

One,

00:38:23.749 --> 00:38:25.291

discuss the goal with your parents or

00:38:25.331 --> 00:38:26.211

your primary teacher.

00:38:26.552 --> 00:38:28.734

Two, write the goal in the space provided.

00:38:29.134 --> 00:38:29.494

Three,

00:38:29.694 --> 00:38:31.336

work on the goal by yourself or with

00:38:31.376 --> 00:38:33.057

your family, friends, or primary class.

00:38:33.557 --> 00:38:33.898

Four,

00:38:34.078 --> 00:38:35.799

record the date when you accomplish

00:38:35.819 --> 00:38:36.240

the goal.

00:38:36.700 --> 00:38:37.160

Five,

00:38:37.341 --> 00:38:38.562

share what you've done with your

00:38:38.602 --> 00:38:40.023

parents or teacher and have

00:38:40.083 --> 00:38:41.364

one of them sign your card.

00:38:41.876 --> 00:38:42.956

Follow the same steps to

00:38:42.996 --> 00:38:44.297

complete one goal in each

00:38:44.337 --> 00:38:45.597

of the other three areas

00:38:45.657 --> 00:38:46.638

listed on the card.

00:38:47.178 --> 00:38:47.698

In addition,

00:38:47.738 --> 00:38:49.179

complete the articles of faith

00:38:49.219 --> 00:38:50.519

requirement in the third

00:38:50.559 --> 00:38:51.539

column on this card.

00:38:51.999 --> 00:38:52.980

Then your teacher will make

00:38:53.020 --> 00:38:53.940

an appointment for you to

00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:55.181

tell the primary president

00:38:55.221 --> 00:38:56.061

what you have done.

00:38:56.501 --> 00:38:57.641

The primary president will

00:38:57.661 --> 00:38:58.522

tell you when you will

00:38:58.582 --> 00:39:00.661

receive the gospel in action award.

00:39:00.701 --> 00:39:02.201

So one personal area,

00:39:02.261 --> 00:39:03.742

you can choose one of three goals.

00:39:04.220 --> 00:39:06.441

Improve in living a gospel principle.

00:39:06.922 --> 00:39:08.302

Develop a personal talent

00:39:08.322 --> 00:39:09.243

and share it with someone.

00:39:09.423 --> 00:39:10.644

I'm sure that's what I chose.

00:39:11.384 --> 00:39:12.425

I probably chose singing.

00:39:13.845 --> 00:39:14.126

Three,

00:39:14.166 --> 00:39:15.666

list ways you can become a better

00:39:15.706 --> 00:39:17.627

friend and practice some of them.

00:39:17.687 --> 00:39:19.428

So you write your goal down here.

00:39:19.548 --> 00:39:20.589

You write the date that the

00:39:20.629 --> 00:39:21.790

goal was accomplished.

00:39:21.890 --> 00:39:22.850

You have to share it with

00:39:22.890 --> 00:39:25.732

your parent or your primary leader.

00:39:26.823 --> 00:39:29.085

and they have to sign off that you did it,

00:39:29.265 --> 00:39:29.605

okay?

00:39:29.685 --> 00:39:30.786

In the family area,

00:39:30.806 --> 00:39:32.147

you could choose one of these goals.

00:39:32.327 --> 00:39:33.908

Complete a personal pedigree

00:39:33.928 --> 00:39:34.889

chart that includes your

00:39:34.909 --> 00:39:36.570

grandparents and give as

00:39:36.610 --> 00:39:38.491

much information about them as you can.

00:39:38.551 --> 00:39:39.652

So this is the family

00:39:39.712 --> 00:39:41.313

history aspect of Mormonism

00:39:41.353 --> 00:39:43.255

coming in at a real young age.

00:39:44.095 --> 00:39:45.716

The pedigree chart would have been,

00:39:46.857 --> 00:39:48.278

here's me and my date of

00:39:48.338 --> 00:39:49.919

birth and the date I was

00:39:49.959 --> 00:39:52.041

blessed and the date I was baptized.

00:39:52.461 --> 00:39:53.802

And here are my parents and

00:39:53.842 --> 00:39:54.863

their dates of birth.

00:39:55.710 --> 00:39:58.093

Their dates of blessing, baptism,

00:39:58.253 --> 00:39:59.254

attending the temple,

00:39:59.334 --> 00:40:00.796

and being married in the temple.

00:40:01.597 --> 00:40:03.439

And then here are my grandparents.

00:40:03.899 --> 00:40:04.760

If they're still alive,

00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:06.362

you list the same thing as the parents.

00:40:06.382 --> 00:40:07.363

If they've passed away,

00:40:07.703 --> 00:40:09.205

you also list their death date.

00:40:09.265 --> 00:40:10.667

And that's what a pedigree chart was.

00:40:12.335 --> 00:40:13.136

Number two is keep a

00:40:13.176 --> 00:40:14.197

personal journal for at

00:40:14.237 --> 00:40:15.098

least three months.

00:40:15.478 --> 00:40:15.958

Number three,

00:40:15.998 --> 00:40:17.119

plan and carry out an

00:40:17.180 --> 00:40:18.621

activity with your family.

00:40:18.721 --> 00:40:20.202

And she puts family night here,

00:40:20.683 --> 00:40:22.364

which means that this child

00:40:22.384 --> 00:40:23.185

would have been in charge

00:40:23.225 --> 00:40:24.606

for selecting a song,

00:40:24.867 --> 00:40:25.908

choosing someone to say the

00:40:25.988 --> 00:40:26.728

opening prayer,

00:40:27.209 --> 00:40:28.430

choosing someone to give a

00:40:28.470 --> 00:40:30.372

lesson or giving the lesson themselves,

00:40:30.652 --> 00:40:31.693

choosing someone to say the

00:40:31.713 --> 00:40:32.974

closing prayer and having a

00:40:33.014 --> 00:40:34.055

closing song as well.

00:40:34.636 --> 00:40:35.817

So family night was a pretty

00:40:35.857 --> 00:40:36.758

formal affair.

00:40:36.958 --> 00:40:38.099

We had an agenda.

00:40:39.764 --> 00:40:41.185

And then in the church area,

00:40:41.225 --> 00:40:42.226

you could choose to either

00:40:42.306 --> 00:40:43.486

read the scriptures daily

00:40:43.506 --> 00:40:45.388

for at least one month or

00:40:45.488 --> 00:40:46.728

choose and present a way to

00:40:46.768 --> 00:40:48.770

share your feelings about the scriptures.

00:40:48.930 --> 00:40:49.890

Like they would say,

00:40:49.950 --> 00:40:51.071

bearing your testimony,

00:40:51.091 --> 00:40:52.092

where you could stand up in

00:40:52.132 --> 00:40:53.553

a testimony meeting and say

00:40:53.613 --> 00:40:57.095

something like, my name is Megan.

00:40:57.375 --> 00:40:58.816

I believe that the church is true.

00:40:58.976 --> 00:41:00.737

I know Joseph Smith was a prophet.

00:41:01.198 --> 00:41:02.218

I know the Book of Mormon is

00:41:02.258 --> 00:41:03.079

the word of God.

00:41:03.439 --> 00:41:05.540

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

00:41:05.560 --> 00:41:06.521

That's what that would have been like.

00:41:07.628 --> 00:41:08.188

Or number three,

00:41:08.228 --> 00:41:09.188

have a personal prayer

00:41:09.249 --> 00:41:10.889

daily for at least one month.

00:41:11.769 --> 00:41:13.150

So they're trying to get you

00:41:13.210 --> 00:41:14.830

into these habits that are

00:41:14.850 --> 00:41:16.331

going to further indoctrinate you.

00:41:16.431 --> 00:41:17.691

Then in the community area,

00:41:17.751 --> 00:41:18.751

plan and complete an

00:41:18.811 --> 00:41:20.432

individual family or class

00:41:20.572 --> 00:41:21.392

service project.

00:41:22.252 --> 00:41:23.413

And service projects were

00:41:23.453 --> 00:41:24.753

things that we did all the time.

00:41:24.813 --> 00:41:26.194

It was things like singing

00:41:26.954 --> 00:41:28.334

Christmas carols at a

00:41:28.394 --> 00:41:31.415

nursing home or collecting

00:41:31.575 --> 00:41:34.016

goods for donation or

00:41:35.474 --> 00:41:36.775

collecting food for the food

00:41:36.795 --> 00:41:37.895

bank or things like that.

00:41:38.275 --> 00:41:39.976

Then the articles of faith,

00:41:40.496 --> 00:41:41.576

repeat the thirteen

00:41:41.656 --> 00:41:42.617

articles of faith and

00:41:42.677 --> 00:41:43.617

explain their meaning to

00:41:43.657 --> 00:41:44.878

the best of your ability.

00:41:45.558 --> 00:41:46.979

So most of the time we were

00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:48.799

required to memorize the

00:41:48.859 --> 00:41:49.800

articles of faith.

00:41:50.980 --> 00:41:51.961

And then in my case,

00:41:52.281 --> 00:41:53.541

I had to go into an

00:41:53.561 --> 00:41:54.662

appointment with the bishop

00:41:55.302 --> 00:42:01.044

where I had to recite the

00:42:01.084 --> 00:42:03.005

thirteen articles of faith from memory.

00:42:04.399 --> 00:42:05.219

And I had to give my

00:42:05.259 --> 00:42:08.980

testimony and I had to

00:42:10.261 --> 00:42:11.721

basically tell the Bishop

00:42:11.881 --> 00:42:13.002

about all of the goals that

00:42:13.102 --> 00:42:14.862

I had completed in doing

00:42:14.902 --> 00:42:16.200

this little project.

00:42:16.220 --> 00:42:17.921

Then I'm going to go back to

00:42:17.961 --> 00:42:21.942

this screen because I love it so much.

00:42:21.982 --> 00:42:25.423

I would get the gospel in action award.

00:42:26.582 --> 00:42:28.043

and you can see on the front

00:42:28.083 --> 00:42:29.544

of this pamphlet there's

00:42:29.664 --> 00:42:31.686

this is a pin for a tie pin

00:42:31.726 --> 00:42:32.907

for a boy and this is a

00:42:32.947 --> 00:42:33.927

little pendant for a

00:42:34.007 --> 00:42:35.548

necklace for the for a girl

00:42:36.249 --> 00:42:39.111

and i earned my little

00:42:39.151 --> 00:42:41.112

medallion and i wore this

00:42:41.332 --> 00:42:42.473

necklace to church every

00:42:42.533 --> 00:42:44.775

sunday to show people what

00:42:44.875 --> 00:42:46.256

a good mormon i was

00:42:46.983 --> 00:42:48.564

So the church is full of

00:42:48.584 --> 00:42:49.764

these types of programs

00:42:50.024 --> 00:42:52.165

that help children to

00:42:52.245 --> 00:42:53.586

further indoctrinate

00:42:53.606 --> 00:42:56.647

themselves into Mormonism.

00:42:57.127 --> 00:42:58.928