Heal

WEBVTT

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Hello, beautiful humans.

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Welcome to the Midlife Revolution.

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I'm Megan Conner.

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I got a lot of feedback on

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my YouTube channel last

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week that people really

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wanted me to talk about the

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concept of how to heal.

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And so I decided to create a

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little mini series on some

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of the concepts that I used

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in my healing journey.

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Now,

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I am not a certified or licensed

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mental health professional at all.

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I am just an expert in my own trauma.

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And I just want to share my

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personal experiences as a

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way to help hopefully help

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others find ways to heal

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I think that learning to

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heal begins with an

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understanding of who we are

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as human beings.

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And one of the reasons why I

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call my listeners beautiful

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humans is because in a way,

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we are all the same.

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I also want to acknowledge

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that we're all different.

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But I think healing begins

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with an understanding that

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we're all the same and how

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we're all the same.

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One of the reasons why I

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love stories and literature

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so much is because I believe that

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I see little pieces of

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myself in all of the stories that I read.

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And I see pieces of the

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people that I love as well.

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And when I read a story,

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a lot of times I can

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imagine myself in the same position.

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It doesn't matter if the

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story takes place in 17th

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century England or in the

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future or in outer space.

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I can always find little

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pieces of myself in those

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stories because the characters are

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are like me, and I'm like them.

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And I think it's important

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for all of us to zoom in

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just a little bit and

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realize that we are all human beings.

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We all have the same biological needs.

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And the reason why we exist

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is because we evolved

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to the point that we are right now.

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And even though we live in

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different places in the world,

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we have different life experiences,

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we all have those same biological needs.

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And sometimes we don't

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realize that our emotional

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needs are also driven by biology.

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If you think about the

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survival part of our brain,

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what some psychologists and

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philosophers call the lizard brain,

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that's the part of the

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brain that is only

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interested in survival.

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And that's it,

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the perpetuation of the species.

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And we are born with certain

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instincts that ensure that survival.

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It's the reason why when a baby is born,

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they instinctively know how

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to get their mother's milk.

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They know how to take in that nutrition.

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It's an instinct that's based in survival,

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much in the same way that a

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bird knows how to build a

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nest or a tiger knows how

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to hunt for food.

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Some of these things we

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obviously get taught by our parents,

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but the very basic survival

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instincts are inborn in us.

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They're hardwired into our brains.

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And those needs, those survival needs,

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are universal to the entire human race.

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What's interesting is that

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some of the things we

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classify as emotional needs

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actually are rooted in biology as well.

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we are hardwired for

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belonging because belonging

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means survival.

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We're hardwired to be

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connected to our mothers

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because being connected to our mothers,

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especially from birth,

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ensures that we're going to survive.

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And so some of these

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emotional needs that we

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have are the things that we

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label as emotional needs

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are actually rooted in

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biology and survival.

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The need for love and

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belonging is universal to human beings.

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No matter where we live,

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no matter what nationality we are,

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and no matter what our background is,

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and what kind of a family we had,

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and whether we were born rich or poor,

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we really are all the same in those ways.

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the differences start to

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show up because humans with

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our creative brains are

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going to come up with

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different ways of solving

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the same problem.

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And that's how we end up

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with the diversity of

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culture and the diversity

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of landscape that we see

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throughout the entire world.

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different tribes evolved

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into different ways of

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learning how to survive.

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And if we take it back that

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far and look over the

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course of human history,

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we can see that all of the

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different tribes in the

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world came up with some

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explanation for religion in

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order to explain our existential fear of

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of death.

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And in order to explain all

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of the things that we

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couldn't understand.

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And the creativity of coming

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up with different solutions

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for the same problem is the

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reason why we have different religions,

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different cultures,

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different food traditions,

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different ceremonies, different rituals.

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And these differences are really beautiful,

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but they can also be really

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terrible because some of us

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choose to solve problems in

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dysfunctional ways.

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Some of us are not

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self-aware enough to

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realize that we're being

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driven by instinct and

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biology and that we also

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may be acting in dysfunction.

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For example,

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the need that I mentioned

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earlier about having

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connection with our mothers.

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is a biological need.

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And we don't really grow out

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of that as we get older,

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even when we become self-sufficient.

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That biological need is

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still rooted in us.

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And when we're separated from our mother,

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either by death or

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dysfunction or some other means,

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or if our mother doesn't

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show up for us or doesn't

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provide for our emotional

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needs or our physical needs,

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it creates a wound.

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And some of us come up with

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a creative solution for

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healing that wound.

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And some solutions are

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positive and lead to us

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having healthier lives.

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And some of those solutions

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are negative and lead to dysfunction.

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For example,

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one child who has a mother

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that didn't show up for them

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might decide to show up for

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themselves and to reparent themselves.

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And that is a healthy

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solution to the problem of

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a mother wound.

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Another person might choose

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to get their needs met in

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another way or fill that

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mother wound by attaching

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to other people or by

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seeking for approval by people-pleasing.

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And those behaviors can turn

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into dysfunctional things.

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The issue happens when we

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don't realize that we're

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acting out of dysfunction.

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We don't realize that we

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have these needs and that

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they're rooted in biology

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and that they're universal to everyone.

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And we may not realize that

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when we relate to someone

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in a specific way,

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we may not realize that

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that's coming from a dysfunctional place.

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taking the example of people pleasing.

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A lot of people fall into

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that sort of behavior

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because they're trying to

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avoid being abandoned or

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avoid being rejected.

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These are things that are

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universal to the human experience.

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But if we're not aware of it,

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then we don't realize that

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we're doing it for a dysfunctional reason,

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and then we can't heal it.

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So understanding the

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dysfunction doesn't excuse

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it or change it,

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but understanding it is

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essential to healing.

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So it's really important for

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us to examine our behaviors

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and then understand where

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those behaviors came from.

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and our ways of relating to

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people and where those

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relating behaviors came

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from and whether or not they're healthy.

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Sometimes it's easy for us

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to point to something and say,

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that happened to me and I

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feel terrible about it.

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And that's why I act this way.

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And sometimes it's a lot harder.

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We don't realize that

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there's dysfunction unless we examine it.

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And so examining that

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dysfunction is really, really important.

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So how do we do that?

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Well, there are lots of different answers.

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And so that's why I wanted

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to start this series on

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healing so that I could

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focus on some specific

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things that would help

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people in their healing journey.

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And of course,

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all of us are going to need

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different types of healing

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for different reasons.

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But my intention with this

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little mini series is to

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give you some tools to

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that can help you to find

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ways to relate healthier to

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yourself and to other people.

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I think that developing a

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practice of meditation is

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really important.

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And meditation is just a

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fancy word for thinking, for pondering.

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And one of the ways that I

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think and ponder the best

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is that I keep a journal

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where I write about my

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feelings and my experiences.

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And it's a way for me to

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sort of organize my

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thoughts into a more

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cohesive form so that I can

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examine them better.

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So when we have an emotion

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come up for us that is

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difficult to deal with or

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is something that we don't want to feel,

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I think that writing about

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it or thinking about it

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helps us to examine it more closely.

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And so that could be a

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really good place to begin,

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just to have a habit of

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meditating and journaling.

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at the end of the day,

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unpacking how the day went

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and the different

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circumstances that we were

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involved in and the

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different ways that we

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related to the people in our lives.

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Did our interactions go well

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or not go well?

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And journaling about those

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things can help us to

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examine them and review them.

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And then at the beginning of the day,

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I love the practice of

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writing down things that

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I'm grateful for and

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writing down my intentions for the day.

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Looking at my schedule of events,

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the people that I'm going

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to interact with and

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envisioning how I want those events to go,

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how I want those interactions to go.

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and then setting some

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intentions about how to

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make those go well,

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or how to ensure that they

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go in the smoothest and

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most peaceful way possible.

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So just in general,

00:12:35.072 --> 00:12:36.033

healing begins with an

00:12:36.113 --> 00:12:37.433

understanding of who we are.

00:12:38.095 --> 00:12:40.736

And at the root, we really are the same.

00:12:41.397 --> 00:12:43.840

Our stories are the human story.

00:12:44.900 --> 00:12:45.041

And

00:12:46.572 --> 00:12:47.932

instituting a practice of

00:12:47.993 --> 00:12:49.653

meditation about examining

00:12:49.813 --> 00:12:51.494

our stories and examining

00:12:51.975 --> 00:12:53.095

our behaviors and our

00:12:53.134 --> 00:12:55.095

relationships is a really

00:12:55.134 --> 00:12:56.456

good place to start.

00:12:56.956 --> 00:12:58.096

Throughout the series,

00:12:58.716 --> 00:13:00.136

I'm going to reference a

00:13:00.197 --> 00:13:01.976

few things that I think are

00:13:02.017 --> 00:13:03.677

tools that are important

00:13:03.717 --> 00:13:05.557

for people who are on a healing journey.

00:13:05.937 --> 00:13:07.739

These are mostly going to be

00:13:07.798 --> 00:13:08.839

things that you can do

00:13:09.078 --> 00:13:10.200

without a therapist.

00:13:10.279 --> 00:13:10.720

However,

00:13:11.299 --> 00:13:14.260

I think it's also really important to

00:13:15.321 --> 00:13:16.442

employ the use of a

00:13:16.481 --> 00:13:18.082

therapist when you're

00:13:18.123 --> 00:13:20.283

digging into really difficult emotions,

00:13:20.344 --> 00:13:22.205

and especially if you have

00:13:22.284 --> 00:13:24.785

had traumatic experiences in the past.

00:13:25.885 --> 00:13:27.147

Developing a practice of

00:13:27.246 --> 00:13:29.847

meditation and using a calm

00:13:29.927 --> 00:13:31.869

place exercise, in other words,

00:13:32.389 --> 00:13:33.750

envisioning a place where

00:13:33.889 --> 00:13:35.591

it's peaceful and calm and you can

00:13:36.203 --> 00:13:37.924

absorb all the sights and sounds.

00:13:38.745 --> 00:13:40.105

Those are tools that you can

00:13:40.346 --> 00:13:42.167

use if your emotions are

00:13:42.447 --> 00:13:43.868

elevated or activated,

00:13:43.967 --> 00:13:45.568

or if you're feeling like

00:13:45.609 --> 00:13:46.869

you're triggered into a

00:13:48.909 --> 00:13:50.750

dysregulated response.

00:13:52.331 --> 00:13:52.711

However,

00:13:52.831 --> 00:13:56.514

I just want to say that I think

00:13:56.553 --> 00:13:58.254

it's very important to have

00:13:58.294 --> 00:13:59.674

guidance from a therapist

00:13:59.716 --> 00:14:00.436

or a mental health

00:14:00.495 --> 00:14:01.797

professional when you're

00:14:01.817 --> 00:14:04.498

digging into really uncomfortable things.

00:14:06.115 --> 00:14:09.538

it's really important to not

00:14:09.577 --> 00:14:11.399

get to a place where your

00:14:11.458 --> 00:14:13.801

emotions are activated and

00:14:13.821 --> 00:14:15.602

dysregulated and to not be

00:14:15.643 --> 00:14:17.504

able to come back to center afterwards.

00:14:18.304 --> 00:14:19.745

And a therapist can help you

00:14:19.785 --> 00:14:20.787

learn how to do that.

00:14:21.548 --> 00:14:23.389

And digging into these

00:14:23.789 --> 00:14:24.890

healing modalities and

00:14:24.910 --> 00:14:26.611

these processes will

00:14:27.032 --> 00:14:28.432

probably go a lot faster

00:14:28.474 --> 00:14:29.735

and easier if you have

00:14:29.774 --> 00:14:31.096

therapeutic guidance as well.

00:14:31.775 --> 00:14:32.956

So this is just an

00:14:33.037 --> 00:14:34.216

introduction to healing.

00:14:35.437 --> 00:14:38.679

I hope to create several

00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:40.880

little mini lessons or mini

00:14:40.941 --> 00:14:42.501

podcasts or mini episodes

00:14:43.042 --> 00:14:44.822

about different ways that I

00:14:44.903 --> 00:14:46.283

have learned how to heal

00:14:46.604 --> 00:14:49.065

and different tools that I've used.

00:14:49.205 --> 00:14:51.025

And I hope that they are helpful.

00:14:51.285 --> 00:14:52.105

helpful for you.

00:14:52.485 --> 00:14:53.586

I hope that your healing

00:14:53.606 --> 00:14:54.767

journey is productive.

00:14:55.427 --> 00:14:57.027

And please let me know in

00:14:57.047 --> 00:14:58.168

the comments if there's

00:14:58.187 --> 00:15:00.008

something specific that you

00:15:00.028 --> 00:15:01.208

would like me to address in

00:15:01.229 --> 00:15:03.509

a future episode, and I'm happy to do so.

00:15:04.149 --> 00:15:06.289

As always, I wish you the very best,

00:15:06.509 --> 00:15:07.789

and I hope that you can be

00:15:07.830 --> 00:15:09.370

kind to yourself through

00:15:09.390 --> 00:15:11.691

this process and get

00:15:11.750 --> 00:15:13.772

curious about how you can

00:15:13.812 --> 00:15:17.232

heal and move forward to

00:15:17.293 --> 00:15:18.673

have a more peaceful and happy life.