What Really Causes Your Anxiety....And Maybe Your Children's As Well

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

And everyone, today I want to talk about anxiety. Now, there's plenty written about it. There's plenty talked about what what is what causes it? Is it a chemical imbalance? Is it a condition? What do you do about it, and there's so much noise out there. Now I'm going to share what I know from my experience and how I've been helping people with exactly this. And so far, this has been true for every person I've dealt with, and I'm talking about from people who have had low level anxiety all the way through to really chronic anxiety in different situations. And it's not about the anxiety, it's what what's happening beforehand, that's actually creating the problem. And I'll explain. So there's a, there's a full spectrum of emotions that we have from anything from joy. And then taking about 20 steps down to all the way down to the bottom of the rung, which is things like hopelessness, feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, and everything that happens then in that space, which we don't want to spend time in. Now, when we resist certain emotions, when we suppress certain emotions, then we jump down levels really quickly. So generally, people have a default pattern that they repeat, that they repeat where they go from jump from one spot to the next. And often it's around anger. We grow up, we're told, don't be angry. Everything that we have, that people talk about is around how the right way to the right in inverted commas, way to operate in society. And it's like you can't be angry, you can't get upset because people will come down hard on you. We've had this drummed into us from a young age that don't be angry, don't get upset. So we've got this pattern running from hearing this language again and again, which is contradictory, contradictory to how we are actually fairly. So what do we do, we suppress the anger, we push it down. And when we resist any feeling any emotion, then we jump to another level. So for often people are going, they're in a pretty good mood, something triggers them that makes them angry, even the smallest thing, they just go, it's not important, I won't deal with it. Or they're running that pattern that says I'm not allowed to feel how I'm feeling. So then they jump again, right down to something that's not good, often anxiety. So then suddenly, we're feeling this anxiety out of nowhere. And we're left wondering, Why am I feeling this, there is no reason for me to be feeling this. Or there's a certain situation that you're in where typically, that anxiety showed up before. And then you repeat the pattern, and you put it down to that particular type of situation, rather than coming back to cause, which is our tendency to ignore anger, to suppress anger, to not allow ourselves to be angry. Now, what this means is we don't go out and then inflict that anger on to other people, because we don't want to do that either. If we actually want to be able to treat people the best way that we possibly can, but rather, how do we then process that anger in a healthy way, so that we're not doing that we're not reacting in an angry way that's going to impact other people, but we're able to have the skill to be able to process this ourselves. So rather than going from a pretty good mood, to something that pisses us off, pitches us off to suddenly having this anxiety or sadness or something come over us out of nowhere, we're able to go there was something that's that's made me angry, run a quick process so that we allow ourselves to feel it and then reuse that anger to then drive us forward, rather than falling down into something that's far less beneficial and can often keep us stuck for long periods of time. I

have us questioning ourselves questioning how we're feeling questioning who we are, and our ability to navigate our way through just the day to day environment, to how do we change that. So we are as humans are very good at processing things through activity, we've been doing that for 1000s and 1000s. of years, right? Ancient cultures would go walking and learn ways to do this just naturally, but in the society we live in now, it's just not how it works. So we now sit in a space where you can not actually visit necessarily physically act out that anger, but be able to do that same physical activity that that you would do to have yourself feel better, but doing it in a mentally, so having time to sit there quietly, and take whatever action that you need to just in your imagination, about actually feel the what that would feel like within your body. So you're not doing the action, but you're measuring yourself doing it and allowing the body to process it the same way it would, if you actually did it, the brain is pretty easy to trick into, you can't tell the difference necessarily between an action and a memory. So we create, we create a visualization of what we would like to do to act out that whatever we've got running at the moment, whether it's anger or something else. Now there might be part of you going Yeah, but I don't want to be imagining what I really want to do. And it's like, well, you could take that time to imagine it's how it's gone. Or you could just continue to suppress it and then find yourself in a worse space. So you're doing it in your imagination, so that you don't have to carry that around. And if you can learn to do this and learn to do this in a repeat way, then you're able to shift these sort of emotions really quickly run this process again and again and again throughout the day. And something that has had such a big impact for me, for my clients, they're able, they're able to navigate their day to day in a way that actually helps them to move forward to move past the things that have kept them stuck to build more of that forward momentum to take action to be able to back themselves where they haven't been able to back themselves before. And most importantly, know that when there's something going on, that's making them anxious, they can actually realize that it's just some anger that I haven't processed, and anything from a small little thing that might annoy them, like something that they do, typically on a day to day maybe spill something or anything from something like spilled milk, right from that minor level to something that makes you really angry, being able to actually go through a process of cleansing, but not just cleansing and releasing that energy to the ether, but being able to repurpose it, turn it into something that's going to really drive you forward and be able to give you the discipline to go and do whatever it is that you want to do. So if you get that point where you've got this anxiety that keeps showing up, you've tried a heap of different things that hasn't worked. And you're wondering what's going on, you're blaming yourself, you're thinking there must be something wrong with you. Try this, this framework that I've got that's going to help you be able to navigate that it steps you through the whole process, I've given you the basic version of it here, step through the whole process, so that you can shift that energy on the run, have something that's going to be far more beneficial and purposeful for your day, and allow you to spend far more time in a happy joyful space rather than getting stuck in those emotional spaces that that aren't serving you. So I'll leave the link below. Have a look. It's a game changer for me and the people I've shared it with so far, and it can be the same for you. Love to hear what you think. And if you're wanting to ask more questions, drop them in the comments below or shoot me a message and I'm happy to answer them speak to you soon. Have an awesome weekend.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform