Receiving Energetic Guidance From Within with Walter W. Boyd

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back. You've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Today's episode, I interview Walter W. Boyd and want to incredible experience that you're in for but for me as well. Like he has an incredible energy. We shared stories going from his first out of body experience at the age of 13 Losing a partner 13 years ago and then the recent passing of his mum as well. So he's he's known grief at a depth of level that few have. He's also had these incredible spiritual experiences that he goes into in the in the chat and also some incredible guidance so very much looking forward to sharing this. Enjoy this chat with Walter. I loved it. I'm sure you guys will too. Hi, all and welcome to this week's guest, Walter Boyd. Walter. How are you?

Unknown Speaker 2:01

I'm very well, my friend. How are you?

Ian Hawkins 2:03

I'm very well. Thank you, too. You're in South Africa now. So nice and early in the morning for you. We then have time. Yeah, we managed to find a time that will work really well. We're about in South Africa. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 2:17

I'm in still by so it's a I think translation it's still be it's a it's a bit of a retirement town by by a coast. beautiful beaches. Maybe that should be my picture really beaches, beaches, blue skies, beaches in waves.

Ian Hawkins 2:36

Sounds magic and quieter lifestyle by the sound of that?

Unknown Speaker 2:39

It is yes, it's very relaxing. And something I have to say about South Africa is the level of sunlight has something to do or has some contributing factor to really awakening the energies of our spirit. You know, I think get out there enjoy the sun extract as much of that energy, even if it's just energetic pull in that love from that sun. You know, it's it's, in the time that I've been here two years, I have grown in such a phenomenal way I've developed my own healing modality, well, I've learnt certain skills, it's just grow, grow, grow. So be a plant, get out there into your sun. Connect with that energy and pull that love in as much as you can.

Ian Hawkins 3:31

Yeah, love that. I'm, I'm a regular at the beach. Not as regular as I'd like. But for me, it's there is there is a something so soothing, and energizing about being there. Whether that's the the waves, the the energy of the waves or the the soothing nature of of the whole whole scene really? Yeah. Absolutely. And as you've already sort of started on, we're going to be talking a lot about energy today, I'm sure. Now, we're gonna start around, you said you've had a unique connection with energy, although you probably don't see it as unique. But for the for the average person, then you said you had your first out of body experience at 13. So can you tell us a little bit about how that unfolded how that came to be? Because the actual shock that you described is not the everyday shock for someone who's 13 So tell us a little bit of background and then let's get into that story, please.

Unknown Speaker 4:34

You know, I think what's more important, it's not so much the the the event itself but the evidence that it delivered, you know, I was I was 13 living in Brunei so this is fairly close to Australia, on the island of Borneo. There was no exposure to any of this sort of thing with regards to other body acts experience or esoteric studies. You know, it's I wouldn't say it's tribal but you know, you've got your local culture, you've got your local mythologies and beliefs, superstitions, but out of body experiences was not one of them. I was in bed or I fell asleep, I had a rather interesting dream where I was walking the path outside my home. And we were living on a hill that was reputed to be haunted. If you look into the mythology of Borneo, a lot of hills seem to be the homes for spirits, so genies, okay, so I'm walking down this particular path, and I see this what looks like this is a dream, I see what looks like a cave. And I'm drawn to walk towards the cave. At some point, I begin to see treasure within this cave. As I approach the treasure, I hear screaming from within the cave, and this short, stout little man begins chasing me, I begin to run and you know, this is all a dream. But it's true in terms of placement of my home position, and stuff. So I run home and find myself hiding in my bed. And I then begin to awaken. And as I awaken, and I'm talking about waking up into conscious state, I begin to see this short, stout man begin to dissipate phase out, fades away, foggy out, and I think, Oh, that was a bad dream. Now, where we are where I am at the moment is I'm in bed. And right in front of my bed, is the bathroom. And I'm thinking, I'm going to, I'm going to need a toilet break here. So I walk towards the door, thinking that I'm just me, I'm just mean not a problem. I placed my hands on the doorknob, and literally walk right through it my way, literally walk right through the door. And immediately, there was this sense of awareness, descending upon me, the sense of awareness that this is who I am, this is who I truly am. It wasn't the person who's sleeping in bed, or the person who's walking around in normal reality. This is who I truly am. And I'm thinking, Oh, my God, I'm in this. I'm in my expanded state. And what I have to what I'm being drawn to address right now, is that immense sense of expansion and love and the lack of stress, it was literally like bliss, permeating the atmosphere, bliss permeating the whole of everything. Bliss being me, and I'm thinking, Okay, I'm going to was one of those full moon nights. And I'm thinking, and I've always had the moon, I thought, I want to get to the moon. So I jump out of the window, and I'm doing a spider man, you know, I'm clinging on to the wall, like spider man. And I look to my shoulder. And I see this gloriously thick coil that looks like a cord around my neck. But what's really interesting, like, I need to remind us that there is no awareness of our body experiences. But within the state, I was aware of what to expect within myself. I wasn't thinking like, What is that on my neck? It was like, oh, it's there.

Ian Hawkins 8:28

So two things come to mind. One is it's like those videos, those old videos you see for from people taking LSD or, and then they did and that's how they're describing it. Right. But the other part I'm really curious about is what? There's a knowing that you just described there, but is there any part of you that's has any fear? Or like,

Unknown Speaker 8:51

Well, none, it was this bliss state was so permeating this sense of God, I'm glad I'm back again, was just so liberating. It was just so liberating. I remember jumping out the wall, out of the window, and everything was like click SNAP, think and you're there thinking you're there thinking you there. And I was out the door and I'm thinking, I want to get to the moon and I jumped and I lost consciousness, I find myself back in bed, and then thinking, Okay, that didn't work. And I roll out of bed again. But I'm still in that state. And I walk to the wind to the mirror, which is on the side, diagonally to the side of my bed. And I've walked towards it. And I said, and in theory, this shouldn't actually work because what I'm about to address, I'm not actually physically present. This is my energy body. But I walked to the mirror, and I said, I want to see what I look like. And I then intended that I create light and then I began to glow. With this shimmering blue light and saw who I was. And since that moment, the effect of that experience has been apart from an undying desire to reconnect and re establish and re experience that has been this on wavering acceptance that you, I and everyone else that we call friends, family loved ones, we exist as a primal spark of consciousness that exists within a container. And that no matter what happens, this spark lives on. You know, I think if anything I want to deliver from this sharing today is this deep remembrance of this truth. And to bring that awareness so closely to the fore of our consciousness, that it begins the healing process of so much of our grief of our pain and regret

that what you described, there is something that I was shown, or few years ago, that soul gazing when you're looking at other people's eyes, and you sending them positive words, affirmations, energy, and the more you stare, the more the physical of them fades away. And the more you see what I saw when someone was not blue, but it was golden white light was like, everything just went. And that whole experience for me was like, What on earth? Like, you know, that we know that the soul? And that's similar to what you're describing. Now, the other thing that's really interesting through all of that, and I'd love to hear if this makes any sense to you was I just got this sense of extreme tiredness, almost like is that the search for trying to get back there? That's tiring? Or is it the? Or was that actual process that you went through extremely tiring? Or is it something else altogether? That I was feeling that I think it's,

it's, that can be a multi layered expression, because immediately, as you said, tiredness, I think so many of us are battle worn. So many of us are so invested in the identity in, you know, maintaining, paying the mortgage, doing the bills, and and this is not in any way, forget everything, you will live in a cave. This is not that. Yeah. But I think so much of us is so invested externally, that there isn't the inner circuit to allow us to feel the feedback loop of life that says, be fed by the truth of your identity, be fed by the truth of your heart be fed, by the the eternity of your presence, you know, so with regards to the tiredness, I wasn't tired when I had the out of body experience definitely not. But in the in the journey of exploration, even the journey of seeking, I think we can invest so much in the seeking, that we lose sight that the presence is there already. So what exactly about this process? If this presence is here already? Why are we not permit? Why is it not permeating? Why is it not just leaking, seeping expressing? You know, so maybe that's part of this, this tiredness, maybe part of the invitation through our exploration today is how can we find this pathway back into this beautiful, sustainable relationship between identity and the spirit that is within to become a living Lighthouse a living? expression of your grace?

The immediate question that came to me when you were explaining that was Where where are you not? Like, maybe not, we're not but how can you be sharing your story more widely? Because people hearing more of this is is what's going to wake more people up to it right? Like, I don't know if when you you said you lived in Australia for a short period of time. There was a show great mysteries of the world. And it used to come on in the winter just before just as it was getting dark and they would talk a lot of stories about the supernatural and the paranormal and, and all these different things. And I can just remember just being getting goosebumps through the whole thing getting like being so fascinated with this other world. And let that's that's never left me was it was there after you went through that experience, was there a desire to share that? Has there been desire to share that more openly? Has there been a restriction for that happening?

There's never been a restriction, I think, one of my perhaps something that I love, you know, I have to say, when I was in Australia, I was studying, I had a scholarship in chemistry, or I had a scholarship, I was studying chemistry at Latrobe University in Melbourne. And so alongside this passion for chemistry, because three was my baby, I was also nurturing this sacred love for astrology, you know, and for me, it was, it wasn't about just completely delving in the material world, because someone actually asked me while I was at university, do you want to work in a lab at some point, you know, doing research and I said, You know what, I don't, I said, if anything, I want to be able to work with the people I want, I don't want to be so disconnected from the world, from the people that are supposed to be, you know, we all have purpose, we all have a purpose. And we all have a reason for coming into being. And for me, the idea of just spending all of my time doing research and completely forgetting, and being in tune with what the needs of the people are, would have actually been a pointless waste of time. So it was a case of seeking, growing, seeking, growing, seeking, growing and growing. And once I do that, I reach out, I connect with people, I see the clients. And, you know, my, my, my innate, overall overarching desire is to reconnect my clients with a sense of that power within themselves. Now, whether it be through astrology, through energy work, through pendulum healing, through a Tarot reading, whatever it might be, it's not to create a follower. It's never been to create a follower, but instead, to extract through my processes to extract that gift that is that person that is with before me, and to hand it back, for them to consciously be aware of this enormous grace that they are, and I don't want to use the word grace, willy nilly. Because for a while, you know, we used to talk about shadow and light shadow and light shadow and light. And, and my guides came in a few years ago, and they said, you know, when you actually finally placed that shadow and light together, what you actually have is grace, what you actually have is grace, it's not about, you know, beating the shadow and transmuting it and say you become this light right now, because I don't want you to be, you know, when you actually have the beautiful astrological chart before you with its guests and its challenges and you then find a way to create the synthesis way expresses itself with such beauty, which such grace is when you find that that person has reached the apex of that expression. And you know, there is still growth, they still grow up. But I feel that once you begin to really express both your shadow and your light both your woundings and your gifts in a way that enriches you you become this you become the light that is really shining within this container and once you do that you also begin the process of giving people the permission to be just that themselves to be that grace themselves.

Love that permission to be self can we go back to that, that experience when you're 13 and just tell me about the aftermath? Like what impact did that have on your thinking on your beliefs on everything but what changed?

Wow, what changed? I think you know, growing up Catholic I was brought up Catholic very staunch for a moment for a while I actually thought I was going to be a priest and stuff you know, I think that was part of the dream. But as you know with For the Catholic faith, there is a lot of guilt, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of, you know, there's heaven and hell, and there's this hell, if you don't fit the box, you're gonna, you're gonna hit that box, you know, you're gonna get in there.

Fear control,

in control. But more importantly, the, the two things that I would take away from that experience was this a, my eternity, my, my state of eternity. And that state of bliss, that's the second bit that I take away, it's that state of bliss. It was, it was so it wasn't overpowering. It was I was it was me, I was with it. It was I was in this flow. And you know, there was no, in no way was this any incoming you should have could have, must have, I can't believe you didn't. It was just this absolute sense of awareness, and bliss, awareness, bliss. And if I'm really going to deep dig deep into the essence of this place, is permeating love. This permeating sense of love, which is, I guess, in a sense, is unconditional in that it's not saying you ought to have done this, you should have done this, this is how you have to be. Again, it's expressing this free flow of organic expression of itself, in its multitude of expressions in all the phases that we see and all the things that we see around us all experiencing all growing all expressing a particular path and a particular directive, purpose, desire. But the underlying life force that is within all of it is just on now we'll see I'm questioning it doesn't feel on questioning. But it's an inhibiting in its allowance. And inhibiting in its allowance. And yet when we finally go back there, it is just as unconditional in his acceptance.

Okay. That is like, that's what your feels like. Sounds like your knowing of all of that now. But what about the 13 year old boy? Because to me, at 30 Wow, on tripping my like, What on earth was that? Yeah, yeah. So tell me about that. Like, what what what

that in your own voice was like, Oh, my God, oh my God, I've got superpowers. Oh, my God, oh, my God, I got superpowers. I was I was telling my mom. I was telling my dad because, you know, from, from my father's side, his father undertook, you know, in the Malay, I'm not Malay, but my grandfather was, we were living in a community that had a strong Malay influence, although it was, you know, he was Eurasian. He undertook a process they call it L mu, which is effectively translated to knowledge. Okay, so when when someone undertakes the process of Ellenwood, they effectively looking for occult knowledge for I don't know, if you've seen some of the, you know, Malay movies and stuff where they've got superpowers, and they can fly, they can do certain things. And so I was telling my father that I had this experience, and I just remember seeing him thinking, great son, us like you, you've never, you've never gone through a course and you're doing something that is really different, you know, so, but I just sort of, I just felt really empowered. I just felt really like, oh my god, I can I can I can move mountains with this power.

Yeah, and what I love is that different to most people who grew up in a western world, rather than you having that experience questioned or dismissed or suppressed, you actually were empowered and got validation for it. So absolutely. With that in mind, do you tend to then help people who have had the opposite experience or have had

I think with regards to the way I work, I go from believers to non believers, you know, and as you know, I don't mean believers non believers in religion, but I am willing to be vulnerable to work my processes both with those who believe In the process, and with those who would question it, because my role here isn't to attempt to validate me. My role here, if I'm called to service is to entrust you with the power that you have within yourself. And if on some soul level, you've been guided to meet me for that very purpose, then I will meet that calling to the best of my ability. That's the way I see it.

Beautiful. And that's a much deeper way of explaining what what I my sense was when we jumped on this call was like, and you started telling me about your experiences are there's a there's a reason why we were meant to come across each other on the recent discussions we've had online, and then to have this much deeper chat, because so much of we're on the same page, but we're coming from very different angles. So it just makes for, to me, I'm just so curious. So I'm looking to go deeper into that. But I also want to, as is how I like to do these interviews is to dive deeper into some of those bigger moments. So you said that you said when you that was the biggest moment, right, that was sort of the moment that changed everything. You mentioned, you've had a couple of pretty intense losses through your life. And you mentioned you're losing a partner in 2009.

Yeah. In our own sort of take it from the perspective of the seeker, you know, the person who felt he could move mountains with everything, and with his powers. And my partner was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma in 2005, after you know, one year into our relationship, and at that point in my life, it was primarily, you know, work with the doctor to see what you can do, and stuff. But I was also aware of this need to engage with this experience, because I wanted it to be I want it to be a part of his process towards healing. You know, so, coming from the place of I'm invincible, I can do everything, you know, the superpower says, I can do everything. So, you know, the way it worked chemotherapy. He was literally on death's door at the end of 2005. And, you know, I think they were still semblances of the ritual because after I left the Catholic faith, I, I sort of went into further exploration to look at astrology as a way of creating magic, you know, I think before then magic was more in the movies or rabbits out of the hat, that magical manifestation whichever way you want to actually look at it, I was looking at astrology as as a way of fine tuning your timing to allow for manifestation to be more likely as opposed to not, that's called Electional Astrology. But anyway, so I was using those processes to help Michael who is his partner who passed and we will find that the processes would go up, plateau dip. And then another process comes in another growth process. Another particular modality that I take in, whether it's bath, flower remedies, or reflexology, or massage, Chinese meridians, it would go, plateau up, plateau drop, and it just continually went that way. And each time it went this way, I was forced to engage with more processes of learning. So it was not just like, Oh, you're just gonna sit there home and go on and everything will be perfect. You've got to work for this. So it was work, it was work, it was work and

when, when you say, you're going to work for this, you mean both of you?

I think I think I was being I was being guided to reconnect with my purpose. You see, when I met Michael, I was in finance. I was making it big. I was making it vague to the point where, you know, money in and it wasn't money in most literally, it was abundance, the law, you know, it was like literally and it wasn't it was all legit company and everything but abundance was flowing. It was like literally and had things gone the way it was, I would have continued on that path. Because it's like, you know, it's just money, money, money, money, nice house, dog partner, you know, walk the beach, beautiful sunset, grow all die together. That's had a vision. But I, I believe that or I sense on a soul deep level that had Michael not come in to actually ignite in me an awareness of my purpose that I would have actually moved down that trajectory and just allowed myself to have this. And I'm not seeing anything wrong with big house, dog, you know, couple, sunset, whatever. But there was more to this life than just that and having the experience of seeing someone that you love so dearly, go downhill and being powerless was a big thing for me. Because, you know, it was that and it was just this continual challenge of attempting to meet the challenge and overcome it only to for it to break over. And you've got to start again. And when I said that point, at some point, it led to Reiki and it it sort of brought an awareness of all these people that we were in this cancer ward, everyone just waiting for the yay or nay of the doctors to see where things would go. And part of my desire then was to crew was to bring back the awareness that regardless of how small the action that is added to a situation, each of us has the capacity to add value to that moment. Each of us has that capacity. And unfortunately, a lot of our society has our basic upbringing, I think globally, has left us with a sense of disempowerment a sense where we have no say we have no power, we have no calendar. And, you know, I have this vision of bringing that sense of caliber back. I want that sense that we have that power we have that power we have, even if it doesn't lead to the endpoint that we envisioned that we have a power to add value to the moment. And I think How is you know, I think it will be the punch line at the end of this conversation with my bit. Yeah.

Given your power,

our power, all of our powers,

yeah, I'm talking about this specific moment. And the element of powerlessness that you described, for being in that environment, I'm sure that there's an element of the patient, feeling that the people who are watching, you don't have any control the situation, because you had these abilities, and you knew what you knew, did that come with any pressure that you placed upon yourself to get a better outcome for him?

I think it did. But I also see as a whole thing as being catalytic. I think the way I saw his final passing, you know, there was a remission, but he then came back with a vengeance.

So can I just jump in there? Yeah. Can you answer that by trying to tie yourself back there rather than answering now from what you know, and from all the work that you've done since then, but trying to tap in and remember what that was like when when you only knew what you knew at that time.

When I knew what I knew at the time, I know that I loved him enough that I would do anything. I would do anything and I don't mean hurt anyone. But I'd sacrifice myself to make this work to make this miracle occur to make that transition occur. And I was very aware of the responsibility that I placed upon myself to take in as much information to gather as much knowledge that I needed to grow into to meet that challenge.

You now feel that it was like an energy of like you you feel comfortable that you did all that you could, which is all that you would expect for someone that you love, right? Yep, absolutely. Was there a time where it was clear? Or maybe? I don't know, maybe did did Michael come across this before you have a realization that look, the end is coming. And

and that's a nice story. So I've undertaken Reiki, Michael was in a hospice, I think, you know, he resisted the hospice up to the end, I think is we had lost so much weight, he had lost so much strength that he really couldn't move. So we got him moved to the hospice, they were they were happy for me to be by his side continuously. And the beauty was the hospice was literally perhaps 100 100 200 meters from the home that we shared, we bought. And so I cook a meal and I'd take a meal there for him out to the end, I think my, my, my mindset was, it's not over till the fat lady sings. It's like, I'm not giving up till the very last moment, there is no way I'm giving this up. And so Reiki has come into my life at this point, or it's coming for the last six months. And one of the regular healers that we had at the at the hospice, Marilyn said to me, oh, Walter, I've got a friend outside because waiting for you, she's going to do a healing for you. While I work with Michael today, you know, this is, this is two days before he passed. And so this woman that was working with me was called God, gosh, Marian. And so Marian was waiting for me in the, in the, in the main room, and she just wanted, let's go find a little room. And we'll actually do some work together. And you know, we did a cord cut. And I didn't know we're going to do a cord cutting, all I knew was I was going to get healing, you know, I was gonna get healing for a new, a new sense of energy, a new sense of purpose, perhaps a miracle to actually turn this situation around. And all I remember was walking in, and she guided me gently. And she says, okay, you know, it's like, maybe it's time to let Michael go, and I resisted. Are you serious? I've been fighting this whole thing for the last five years, and you telling me that I'm gonna let this go, you know, I've got so much of my energy, so much of my love, so much of my passion, invested in this, there is no way I'm going to let this go. And she says, Okay, let's let's, you know, sometimes we can be in our investment, we can create the cage for ourselves, we can create a cage for ourselves. And sometimes for healing to occur, we've got to release ourselves from the cage. And however that might mean, to step out of the cage to allow new possibilities to come through. And one of these cages is like a court of connection that you have with Michael, you know, and I'm thinking, Okay, I know where you're going here. So we're doing this chord, and I'm honoring the chord and then seeing the chord and Michael's there in the distance. And I'm talking about totally engaging, we're talking loving, and we're totally expressing the love from an energy level. And I know that we, you know, people might say, poopoo, what on earth are you talking about you, the person's not gonna feel it, but from my years of experience, it's like, you feel the energy, you express the energy, the person gets it. And here's Ord. And Marian says, Okay, it's time to actually cut the cord and she says, I'm gonna give you this golden set to actually give you the best energy cut, you know, it's like, it's loving, it's Swift, it's, and I said, I can't do it, and I break down. And she says, why I said, if I cut this cord, now he's going to go and I think, even at that point, I was deeply aware of the energetic impact of keeping him here, as opposed to letting it go, letting it go and allowing it to transmute into something that it's meant to transmute into. And so with tears streaming and with that, with a level of reluctance, but also with a level of surrendering and acceptance, I cut the cord and then I felt something lift. I felt something lift in and the rest of the process went quite smoothly. There was no issues after that and I and I then went back to Michael, and he looked at Adrian's very sleepily. He says, Hey, baby, how are you? I'm okay. But I knew something had changed. I knew something had changed. And, and it was like, two different people. And I won't say two different people. You know, I think sometimes in our investment in whatever it may be, whether it be in a home, in a vision in a relationship into something, so much of us is invested into the other, it's almost like we encrusted with our own expectations with our own whatever, that wherever it goes, we are pulled along with it. And in that moment of sitting in that room with him, it felt like two individuals was sitting to individuals who had been given the liberty of moving in love. But moving independently, one small, moving independently, one small. And, you know, needless to say that past two days later, I was very angry. I was super angry, I was like, I can't believe you guys did this, you know, I, my whole identity is invested in this belief that we can make change, that we can create change. And yet, you can't, you can't just make that one little provision that this one thing could stay. And so that began my next phase, my next 10 years, I guess, psychosynthesis, deeper, deeper awareness, deeper empathy, to realize that whilst we can love it is not for us to hold. It is hold someone into our vision of something that each person has a purpose, each person has their own little journey.

Yeah. To me, it's just a great example of how we try and control situations. Holding on holding on but as you just pointed out, then his his own journey. Or this is what I get. I got the sense of he, it seemed just from the outside looking in, and he'd made peace with it. And it was you hanging on hanging on hanging on that was there's almost like he was hanging on for you because of that love. Right. Which, which is which is beautiful. But also, yeah, I guess that would have come at a time when you are both ready for whatever the next stage? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

I, I still feel even when Michael, I think towards the end, when I realized that he was going, even if I was in denial. I knew he was a teacher. He was my teacher. He was there to teach me and so many levels into even reconnect me to why I'm here. You know, like I said that had had things gone the way it was that had that miracle occurred. I wouldn't be doing any of this. I would be happily living the standard. I won't. And again, I'm not using the word standard as a dismissive statement. But you know, it's it's that normal life expected. Yeah. And Wallace,

when you talking about him being the teacher, I just got goose bumps of confirmation. Yeah, and probably a bigger way than you may fully appreciate. But I'm sure you'll come to know more of that as the journey goes on. You mentioned anger that really showed up when you were talking about the weight loss and a lot of loss of strength. And what really came through for me was, it's like, ripped off, like, not only felt for him, like what he didn't get to enjoy, and what the two of you didn't get to enjoy because of that lifeforce was just taken out of him. But how, how did you process that anger in the moment and then as those waves would have kept coming for time after that,

I didn't know how to I didn't know how to process it to be honest with you, because as soon as he passed as soon as he passed, I was just aware of this deep sense of disconnection, you know? It's like, I was, I was sitting with this awareness that so many years down the line, but in the past, I remember being eternal. And yet I was sitting with this deep fear that oh my god, we see still okay, is he okay? There was a complete sense of disconnection to that bliss state that I was talking about. It was like, what if he's not? What if he's not okay? You know, and but that anger, I didn't know how to process it. Because a lot of my way of working when I was younger, was I was very cerebral. I was great at school, I was good at math. I was, you know, but if you said to me, what are you feeling right now alter? I mean, like, What are you talking about? What's feelings? What's feelings? You know, okay, I mean, that, that would hint to certain things anyway. But we're talking about feelings. So as soon as Michael passed, I, literally a day after he passed, I approached the hospice, and I asked if they had a bereavement counselor to hand, I got myself enrolled in it. And, you know, that was just the first part of the journey, because it was about really taking away all those layers of programmings of keeping everything just kept in and safe or hidden. You know, don't show that don't show that. And I think it was, it was that followed by psychosynthesis I enrolled to undertake psychosynthesis, because I saw its possibilities of linking it with astrology. But psychosynthesis really was another stepping stone for me, that allowed me to, to really own my empathy, and really own my intuition. because prior to that, my, the way I see it now, it wasn't that my, my, the environment that I was growing up in was toxic. But instead, I was a highly sensitive individual high empathy level, but with no guidance on how to process that stuff. So all that stuff eventually began to just crud up all the way up to my throat. You know, so it's like, process, take it in process, take it in you, you're engaging with the environment, but no one's telling you flush that toilet boy, flush that toilet, let it go. No, no one told me, I didn't know. So it was just so I became beautifully cerebral, powerful in my capacity to actually analyze and everything. But it was only through psychosynthesis. And the empathy where I was then able to go deeper, and deeper and deeper to release the anger, the frustrations, and to make peace with the fire, because it's not about dousing that fire is just allowing it to be that temple fire in the temple, allowing it to just burn. We're just keeping the walls, you know, free of the crud to be totally honoring of the emotions, allowing it to just flow and, and pass

the upbringing that you described there. You explained that brilliantly. So many years sensitive souls, grow up with these strange feelings and thoughts, and that we can't necessarily understand it doesn't mean we had a hugely traumatic upbringing. It was exactly as you described, we just weren't taught how to deal with big stuff. And the reality from my experience, and the people I've spoken to are a lot that is that, in general, the rest of their family didn't have that same deep, emotional, sensory overload, so they didn't understand. So we grow up not understood. And then you come into these moments where really the only way to be able to make peace with it is through your own journey of working through the pain and then learning as much as you can about going through your own journey to make peace with it. Otherwise, you just get stuck in this loop of blame and and all of those different mental health problems that that people are saying,

now. Absolutely. What my guides actually stepping in to actually address is to remind us all that the process of moving energy is profoundly easy. It's as easy as the breath. It is mountains etc. And, you know, I think if my parents had somehow been aware of, and this is why I think the astrology aspect is so powerful in allowing parents to realize who they have as the sacred containers before them, and to meet them as individuals, as opposed to a one blanket rule for the whole family, I'm not saying, Oh, you're special, you're going to be treated, and you're the rough one. It's nothing like that, but allowing each engagement to be unique each and engagement to be truly honoring between me, and you, you know, so they seen my chart, they would have seen, oh, this is a, this is a bit of a, an emotional one, let's, let's find ways to engage with this emotion, find the art find, find the flow, find the dance find, find the ways of actually allowing that flow to move uninhibited, and yet to be celebratory, and it's movement, you know. And what they're saying to me, and this is, what I'm being asked to share is that, for those of us who are still processing gunk, within the emotional body, to allow the breath, almost imagine the breath being this whole container around you that bliss that we are all connected to, to breathe it in. All the way to the heart is a way of reigniting that connection to our heart. And then breathe it out, allowing the our consciousness to gently move this energy through the bodies from the heart level downwards. So if we were doing this as a hand movement we can be

so pushing it down from above, to down through the torso, absolutely,

because we really trying to do is we're trying to move the energy through the power center of the solar plexus, so that our power center is really aligned with this force of light within our heart, the force of our spirit, moving it through the sacral, allowing it to flush out all the dense crud emotional crowds that we have actually collected and forgotten to flush, and then flush it through the root. Because any sort of biases around who we think we are how we need to contain all that has been flushed by the integrity of this bliss, energy that is within here, and then continue that process, a way of filtering out and really clearing the channel from the heart downwards, to allow us to be really empowered in our presence. Because I've been shown that, and I've been shown that as a child, because I would go through a monthly period, where I would just need to be left alone and I wouldn't be left this is before I went to Australia, I would be left with this deep, dark, not self hating, just rooting that I had no way of breaking through, the only way I could actually break through was when I was in, I was out of one of those moments, I said to my sister who I'm very, very close to. I said when you see me in the space because I would I would lock myself in the room. Because we all share the same room kind of thing. Come to me in the corner that I'm at Be brave, give me a tight slap across the face and say snap out. And I know it sounds Why on earth would you do that? This this density was this coining or this continuous coiling of emotion that had no way of expressing itself. And part of that part of that energy force is also the will force the fire or the the ability to be angry that slap and say snap out of it would cause it to break the cycle of just going round and go upwards to then give me voice to express what it was that I needed to express. I didn't know anything about this all it was instinctive in that, please. When you see me in this face, give me that tight slap. Because as soon as I received it, I would actually feel almost like I could read again, where the energy was rising and allowing it to express itself through poetry through dark poetry, but still expression.

I reckon if I asked any of my siblings to do that they would have gleefully taken that. You talk there about the solar plexus area. And to me you describe something that that is just a powerful bit of knowledge for people we that solar plexus can be our center of lifeforce or it can be our center of fear. And if we have that ability to, as you said, shift the energy up and shifted into voice, it allows us to release the fear and have more power. And as you said, take the energy down through the sacral, which giving and receiving, being able to have a deeper relationship there. And then through grounding and have more of that foundation and base, then if we can learn these skills, whether you are going to buy into the astrological element, or just go with what is absolute common sense. What, what, oh, I nearly said, Michael, but maybe he was talking through that, that Walter was explaining then. Just so powerful, and so do you, I know. You said you've we'll get to your mum and her talking to you. But do you get the sense that that Michael, as your teacher is regularly still sharing lessons with you.

In the first few years after he passed, I did have a few more, less. What how should I say less potent out of body experiences, it was more lucid dreaming, where I would see him approached me in my bed. And I would see myself being completely aware that this is a dream, but aware that I'm within the confines of my space, be taken to places showing things and that sort of thing. My felt sense, my deep soul felt sense was that Michael, stepped in, in his sacrifice, to allow me to realign with my purpose to realign me with a sense that there was more to me that I could deliver, with, with what I have.

I'm glad you brought that up, because I wanted to ask this before, because you touched on earlier. One of the most difficult things for people to face is what you described that you described earlier, which is it can be the most dramatic and sad and grief filled experience. And it can still cause pain in the future. But it can also be the greatest gift that you ever receive. And it can be both, and that's okay. And by recognizing the gift doesn't lessen your pain, it doesn't lessen the grief, it doesn't lessen who you are. But recognize the gift that allows you to receive the gift? Absolutely. And then honor that person's life. And then you just as you described, then it takes you deeper into a sense of purpose. And you Yeah, I'm glad you shared that. Because that that is people who listen to this regularly hear me banging on about this a lot. But it's but it is it's when you can reach that point of acceptance and make peace and you find the gift and it just changes everything about experience and your own experience going forward.

Yep, absolutely. You know, my mom, I don't know if I can take my mom into the process right now. Do you mind?

Go for it? Can you can you display whiskers? Can you give context for this because I know what you're about to do. But

so after Michael passed, I, like I said that before I was I was sort of grief stricken. but moreso I was very I think the whole programming of keeping him safe, keeping him protected, making him better. Were still playing in my mind somewhere. And I needed to find some kind of closure. And I went visiting many spiritual churches in the UK. But what I actually found I wasn't getting a lot of evidence to indicate that he was anyway, you know, I think I had to part of the process was realizing that this truth needed to come from within that I couldn't seek the validation of his eternal existence outside that somewhere within the expression outside I will they will be something that will go but what if they're lying? Or what if How do I know that that medium is really saying what he's saying? Or is he just saying something just to make me happy? I need to feel this and I think that began the exploration the further exploration But one thing I was aware of was that I didn't want to be a medium because my astrological chart, as I said, I was sensitive part of the constellation within my chart actually says mediumship should actually be a doddle. For me, it should be one of my capabilities, but meeting the people in your grief sitting, seeing, though, almost reveling in their grief, and not really saying, let us move beyond this. And it's not about you know, I guess, in a sense, where I was, I was like, let's just move out of this days, there is a love here that we need to actually find, but no one seems to be doing this. You know, every everyone wants to hear about how granny X would died from something or something. And so it, it didn't feel like waste a celebration. So I said, No, mediumship, for me, I am not owning that stuff. I'm not owning that at all. So my mom had a full two weeks before Christmas last year 2022. And it was literally a fracture of her arm. And what happened was, she was taken to hospital, and she was then sent back home with a sling. But in the days that followed, she began to become less aware, which is a little odd for, you know, just a fractured arm, they took her in and kept her in and began, they found her electrolytes were all over the place. Things were out of balance, she had an underlying kidney issue. But the the last checkup that she had, which was just a few weeks before the fall, said everything was fine, there was no need for dialysis or anything like that. So she's taken in just a few, I think it was the 23rd of December 2022. And that literally led to her demise, where she was just continuously getting unwell. On the eighth on the seventh of January, I was having a chat with her on the phone. She didn't sound very well. And you know, Marcus, Marcus, my partner and I, we were sending a healing, we've been doing the healing work from a distance for quite a while. And okay, I'm going to like I'm able to share this. So, on the night of the seventh, you know, we've been working, we've been doing transmissions, we've been doing healing work. And the way I work is I'm actually very organic in my processes. So I thought well, actually, let's let me just ask a strong astrological question to see what the medicine was what how I needed to change tactic to help my mother heal. And I drew a chart. And every indicator on the chart seemed to imply that she was on the way out either in two days, or two hours, two days or two weeks. Now, obviously, I'm not going to call home and say, Oh, my God man's about to go, please keep an keep a watch. I, you know, I'm being given privy to this information, I need to honor it. But then how do I process this. So I didn't tell anyone at home. But I then told Marcus when he came back from his, his training, and we did more healing, but more from a space of allowance. It wasn't about moving things in one particular direction, if anything that I've actually learned is to allow for things, it's all about allowance, that we each have a purpose, we each have a journey, we each have a path. And so much of our pain can come from our own lack of allowance for the other person moving in their truth. So we held that space, and I went to bed. And I woke up five o'clock in the morning, here in South Africa. And I thought, Okay, I'm going to just do another transmission because, you know, I still work with the premise or not, it's not over till the fat lady sings, I will work if I have commit. I will work in a process. So I'm giving healing. And suddenly an image of my mom appears in front of me. Jam smack like someone's just posted a picture of her right in front of me smiling. And I'm thinking oh my god, that's never happened to me for for a healing session. So I jump out of bed. And I go to the phone and these five messages, five missed calls. And one last message from my sister to say that my mom had passed when I when I had read The timing of her demise. I said two hours. It was about nine o'clock that evening. My mom passed at 12 o'clock my time that evening. So effectively it was three hours later. And and so that began the journey of my engagement with my mom's spirit. What was interesting, though, right from the get go of her transitioning, I found her speaking to me like she was, right. Yeah. It was the most, you know, for someone who says, I don't want no mediumship keep away with your mediumship days. No, I'm working with that stuff. She was right here. And the over the over all expression was not one of like you could have done better son. Well, I wish you did better. I wish you were here. It was all about acceptance. It was such a profound level of love and acceptance that was coming from her. It was like, I love you, son. I love you, son. It was it was it was it almost felt repetitive. And yet it was affirming. It was affirming and assertive in its expression. It wasn't some mamby pamby, I love you, son. It was like, I love you, son. So and I feel that what he was trying to address was whatever guilt processes we may hold on to, in how we engaged or in how I engaged with her, you know, that was a way of saying, Please recognize that I come from a space of love. And from this space of love, any guilt, or any sort of hang ups, any sort of blocks that you might hold, to feel this love that I have for you is primarily yours. Because as I said before, when I stepped into that spaciousness at the age of 13, it wasn't about water in bed, and he's got school next week, or it was this bliss, state of absolute love. This apps absolute acceptance, and mom is sitting here with this same expression of trying to express I love you, son. You know, granted, they were and what I did in that period, because being we're still Catholic, or the family still Catholic, we had a week her body was left was taken home, they will visit. And I kept a journal, I kept a journal of the communication that came through in our processes in working with her in, in playing the medium and stepping up to pass messages from my mom, to my siblings, and to my father is affirmation of her love as as ways of soothing, the obvious pain of loss, but at the same time to also begin the process of releasing the guilt. Because I'd like to share a few key quotes

from you know, I think there was five days of her working with me, and she still comes in once in a while and communicating. But there were five intense days that felt so much like, one foot of me was here. And one the other foot of me was right there, it was like I was having a continuous out of body experience. And I was just pulling in information that she was delivering to support me and my family and perhaps these words may also support those who hear this, this podcast. Okay. So one of the things that I actually felt immediately as I learned about hair loss was this felt sense of spaciousness, and I wrote an eye right here. What is that difference that we feel? Why does the world really feel different after someone we love passes? Even if we are continents away? Why does it feel different field with an emptiness compared to when we put down the phone on that person after our one regular call? And then she comes in and says, Love connects us all. Breathe into the waves of grief. The love between the love connection between the living and the spirit in transition is alive. The waves of grief are colored with a sense of overwhelm. Are these feelings really ours? Or are they in fact, the feelings of mum, as she experiences the reestablishment, and understanding and remembrance of her true nature and identity. So for me, it was this awareness that this love that we hold, moves on, even as the person moves into the other realm. And what she showed me was that this process of breathing, breathing into the grief was not just supporting us to release this code of connection, or the incrustations, around the code of connection. But it allowed the other person to remember the person whose transition to fully surrender into their bliss state, that as we hold on to the grief, we were also holding on to the identity that was placed upon the individual. And that as we breathe into acceptance, as we breathe into the surrender, we also allow the individual or the soul Spark, to surrender into the bliss that they are. So it becomes an empowered process that our grieving can be one of just dire loss or empowered enrichment both for ourselves, and for the other person who is on the other side. That as we breathe into our lives, because she goes on to say, Love is the underlying letters that connects everything in connection. While the conscious programs of identity may build upon this scaffold, and oftentimes loses the awareness of the love connection, and needs to be to be reestablished. Through such a strategic conscious processing is the underlying love connection is there regardless, oftentimes, the stuff that needs to be processed as we attend to our grief is the conscious exercises to release this incrustations that overlay this intricately beautiful lattice of love, so that the connection of love can be returned to a state of pristine integrity.

Beautiful. What a gift.

It was, it is it is.

I just want to ask some questions around what was showing up in my body for all of that. Did your mom have? Did your mom have something going on with one of her eyes

was off. I mean, she had a she had an aneurysm, brain aneurysm way back in to see 2000 And in 2,006/6, but she recovered, she recovered

because my goal was kind of like, mirrored to me. So like, left side of her face, maybe sort of feeling more, like drooping down or something.

No, no, I did actually. I did actually have a Bell's palsy incident about six years ago. I was having a an astrological reading I was doing a reading. And I just remember in that morning, I was brushing my teeth and I was putting water in my mouth and you know, gurgling usually has no issues. And as I was God gargling I was pushing water out like a fish. And it was just, I was spitting. I was thinking That's odd, you know, but I tested is there like is there signs of having a stroke? You know, everything tested fine. And then that was that was about two months of Bell's Palsy. That was the start

was anything going on in your life at that time that was leading up to that time like there was particularly stressful or Could you could you align it to anything or just completely random?

I have my suspicions but it Yeah. It's a physical thing. Okay. Yeah, that we won't go there because you know, that area but sure.

Got it. Okay, my make sense. I also got through that when you when you mentioned your mom, specifically, I got like, the most bizarre thing, right? So I got drawn to look out the corner of my eye, while I'm getting goosebumps all over by is a pot plant over there, which is quite heavy, it's hanging off, and it will require a fair bit of breeze to move it. Now there's two there, they're only two meters apart. The one on the left is blowing, like rocking back and forwards. And I can see right next to it, the reflection of my ring light here. And it was like, the only other time I've had a reading like that was with someone around wind chimes and their and their baby who passed early. And it was like, it was like a confirmation. At my end of like, yeah, like, she's here she's talking to us. Like, you know, I know I say this a lot. But for those listening, who, who all that sort of stuff might be a stretch. But I can't explain that any other way with these two quite heavy pots that it was blow at Blue or forts, right? So it's like, a significant amount of praise. And yet the other ones just not moving at all. But that explained that any other way to me, I'd love to hear. And I just think that's beautiful. Like to get that confirmation, like, how to describe to me why someone else it's like, what, why is it okay to that when you say you've been talking to the person who's just passed in the days after that you talk to them, or the talk to God or whatever, because that's just a natural inclination, but then if it goes on too long, then people will think you're crazy. And it's like, why is that? And it's like, you can make sense of it any way you want. But But when the experience is is so real, and you allow yourself that worthy, you mentioned before acceptance, and allowing, then then you can have some of the most profound experiences which may not be able to be explained by your own previous experiences by other people in the world. But don't try to just allow them to

ask the key you know, and I do believe that is the key as I mentioned before, I was seeking validation for externally, you know, I was seeking validation externally through the media and through the, through the, through the groups and stuff, but I realized part of the validation or the certainty had to arise from within. So we can you each of us can play a part in re delivering that awareness of that innate gift that sits within the person but it then falls upon the person to reengage with it, you know, we all have a spark of that divine within ourselves. And I guess the same question that you just posed, but in terms of the the experience do we rely on the external world to validate the intimate connection that we have with source that we have ourselves? Or are we willing to ignite that relationship and find validity, confirmation and liberation through that oh,

ah, love it I'm getting

singles all over

Yeah, that to me that you know, why would you not want to have that internal validation because you spend your last life chasing the external when it's all available within you?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Great description I'm going to talk to you after about that because I keep going to like I'm keep drawn to refer to refer to you as Michael is if it is by them, it's talking directly to him through him, whatever. But Walter, you you Well, I felt as you describe those, those final moments in that experience with your mom, like just, I got my will on mirror back to you. So left calf left sacral right eye, right knee like like you were describing, like the two, one leg over here, one leg over there. But legs are also about moving forward. So now you've got you're moving forward with some big stuff from from everything that you've described to me. Can you can you give people a window in I know you're not fully clear on that just yet, but can you give people a window into to what that is and and then where people can find you if they're curious to learn more.

Okay? Where am I going with all of this, I think my core, my core mission still remains the same. It's just that I've expanded in my acceptance, that who I can speak with is not just limited to your chart is not just limited to you choosing the cards before me, that I'm also willing to allow your people to come into the circle or the container of our session, to bring forth or participate in your empowerment, because, again, it is this beautiful expression, that they're not coming here to rein you in there. If anything, what mom has actually shown me is that they are here to celebrate, to truly celebrate you for who you are, perhaps say, you know, maybe you might want to tweak that little bit there, tweak that a little bit there. But we totally love you, you know, so it is that awakening of that deep appreciation of that love that exists between us. And within. And that love connects us to the very grid of humanity. You know, and it's opening that up, and realizing that as we release the blockages, and I want to end this with with mom's last statement, on the last day before she before she transited, before she was buried, she said, really feel the love son, really feel the love, step into it for when they are no blocks in between, then they can be no missing. Because I said to her before she left, as we watched the last sunset together on a day before she was buried, I said Mom, I'm really going to miss you. And she said, Son, really step into the love. For when you really step into love into the love and they are no blocks, then they can be no missing. When they go missing than they is communion. For in love, we are one. And she then goes on which I didn't actually share with you life is built on the lattice of love. And whilst lifetimes will come and go. The legacy of our embodiment will build the structures of New Hope, beauty, and possibilities. So if anyone wants to investigate or look into me or connect with me, they can look me up on my Facebook page. Walter W. Boyd, or my business page is the spirited pathway.co.uk.

Or some of them will make sure that those links are in their notes so people can find them as well. Walter Well, what a story and such amazing, beautiful, powerful messages. Thank you so much for sharing so openly your journey and particularly through three massive moments in your life, which I know will serve to help the listeners in a really profound way. So thank you, I appreciate that. And I appreciate you.

You're most welcome in thank you so much for having me here. And I just want to say to listeners as well find that exercise especially you've got loved ones who are ESPs, not ESPs, empaths and HSPs. Used that process to really flush their system. Get them empowered. See those gifts as gifts and not challenges allow the world to be lit up by the emotionally aware allow them to light the weight for each of us. We all have skills. They have a skill to bring awareness to the emotions in the room. Let that be our gift to them.

Brilliant. Thanks for talking.

You're most welcome. Take care.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code And remember so that I can help even more people to heal please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform

Transcribed by https://otter.ai