I’ve Held Myself Back From Being My Best Repeatedly

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

hold myself back. Again, and again and again. And the more I realized just how often I've done in my life, the more examples come to my awareness. And I'll share some of these stories. Certainly not to brag because they are examples of where I allowed other people's stuff. And my lack of self belief really held me back. So my dad was a maths teacher. And the beauty of having a maths teacher for a dad is that you've got tutoring on call. So I always knew what I need to do in maths, it also made sense to me, particularly in younger years. And if I didn't, then I'd have a masterclass from my dad at home. And he was really good at calmly and patiently explaining things to me. So obviously, the early years have all made so much more sense logic arithmetic, away you go, I did get a bit lost when I got into more of the deeper algebra and around a year 1011 12 sort of stuff. Because it didn't make sense to me. And it was also realizing just how much of an extrovert I was and how I didn't love sitting and doing numbers. The only time I really enjoyed it was Primary School when it was like a competition with mates to see you to get as much of the mental arithmetic bogged down before other people which are very good friend of mine who may well be listening to this episode shared with me and reminded me of recently, too funny. So in year seven, in the domain, the half yearly exam or the yearly exam, I can't remember which one, but I took the year in maths with 91%. And the funny thing was, I looked at the 9%, I lost and actually kicked myself because I was there, they were quite obvious mistakes. And I just assumed that they would have been, you know, a good mark, but nowhere near the top because there was some pretty clever people were they one of my mates come up and said, Oh, and you know, you took the year and went no, no. And they even talked about it in our class, and I don't know, apparently is a topic of discussion, another class and I felt really uncomfortable. All of a sudden, like, oh, shit, like people are talking about me for success. So I was stuck in this contradiction of wanting praise for success. But the moment it came off, I felt so uncomfortable. So just recently, I was just realizing how when mas deteriorated from that point, I still did reasonably well. But it's literally just, I hated the spotlight. So just in the top classes, but just as plain middle of the road and those top classes and you know, never, never have to worry about being in that spotlight. Every now and then there'd be an aberration like I remember in, in modern history in year 11 was with some pretty well read, and pretty amazing writers and smart kids. And I just remember I completely got luck with the exam question. It was something I'd studied a lot. I took a punt on a couple of quotes, and memorize them. And I just nailed this essay. And I think 24 out of 25 was suddenly and the teacher made a real point of telling the whole class how good it was and obviously, you know this person's well read and they're reading a lot of stuff and the reality was, he hated the reading of history and and I didn't read it at all. I just found out that the important bits to read and I'd grabbed a powerful quote not memorize the quote. And just let the perfect storm the right question for the what the pilots I'd studied that fitted these quotes. And it looked like a masterpiece, but again felt so uncomfortable, almost accidentally having that much success. And so while I wanted success all through those years, or what I thought I did, I also just felt so uncomfortable when the praise came and went to my show. And this was true in my sport. So we've had a bit of a breakout year and under 14 scored a heap of rounds in cricket. And then suddenly, you know, the people making a big fuss about that, like kind of went downhill from then what concentration was, was never what it used to be, and never got the results until I managed to unpack some of that in my much later life and went back and played that old fella and scored some runs. Because I didn't have that same baggage. It's amazing what could have been right, if I'd know what I know now. And then it was also the moment when I was started coaching. And I've shared this story many times, but it's yet it's important one to continue to share. One of the young fellas that was in my team, my corporate team, the teams I manage, I'd had three teams. And he was one of the 33 staff, he was the one of probably a handful of them that that really embraced my coaching. But he was the one who really took it and ran with it and got some incredible results and then unfortunately, passed away suddenly. And I again, went completely into my shell and held myself back. Now, whether that one was from wanting to not stand in the spotlight or or not, I couldn't answer that. But again, held myself back all of these patterns playing out from past experiences from new experiences that were impacting my ability to perform at my best. Now if you look at your own life, you would think of so many of these examples, and there'd be also things playing out you don't even understand. And yet how often do you spend time beating yourself up about your daily budget inability to perform at the level that you know that you're capable of at the highest? At your at your best? So the answer is not to waste time and energy on that project of 70 Kill yourself have been harsh on yourself. But instead giving yourself a leave passed, pass and realizing that there are some things planned out there that need to be addressed. Finding the root cause of this inconsistency, and then removing that block. And then most importantly after that is to be able to then change the habit. Because I can think of countless examples again, myself where I've had a session with a coach or a kinesiologist or acupuncturist or something where it's clearing the underlying part of it. And yet, I've gone back to an old habit. And I've regressed to back where I was. So it's important that you clear the block. But then you also change the habit. So where are you holding yourself back? Well, before you look at the exact areas of where it's like why is it important for you to make those changes? Having that Honest Company conversation with yourself, why is it important? Why is it that you even want to have your best performances? To what end? For what purpose? What will it be on the other side of that? What will you learn? What will you Who will you how would it be? What would you be able to do? Who will you be able to have in your life? What will you be able to have in your life? Get clear on that. You know why? We know what you're working towards. Getting that box out of the way given the lack of self belief, getting the overthinking out of the way becomes so much easier, because there's a real inner desire to make it happen. The first place to start is awareness, acknowledgement and awareness around where your performance has been impacted the certain scenarios when it seems to happen.

Finding ways to change I've talked about journaling It's a great way to change habits, change behavior and change habits and address things from your past journey. And of course, if you want to fast track it, you reach out to someone who can help you with that. And of course, if you're ever needing that independent advice and guidance and a safe place to talk, then then please do reach out.

So, awareness, clear the block, change the habit. Watch your performance go to a whole other level.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform