I Must Have A Serious Illness

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

I seriously thought I must have had a serious illness. I was always so tired. Just couldn't get going. And it just didn't seem right. No motivation. Just feel weak. Not enthusiastic, I just need to just feel like I need to sleep so much. Felt like I was just constantly exhausted. And yeah, just not feeling fit, or healthy at all. And, uh, tolerated for so long. And I was concerned about it, but not concerned to take any action. But I did start to think, okay, maybe there's something more sinister going on here. Because this isn't right. No matter what I tried, I just couldn't get moving. And there was a lot of different things at play. One was, this was in a time where I had young kids, so I was tired. And it's a big adjustment. And there's a certain change that happens in your life that nothing really can prepare you for was also still grieving so much around my dad's passing and not processing it, not really knowing how I was so badly out of flow. So I was doing work that did not light me up at all. In fact, it drained me, I could do it. And I was good at it. But straining, you know, I end up pushing myself really hard for like, probably not even a day a week, I'd get so much of it done. And I'm like, wow, that was amazing. Why can't I do that all the time. Just not where my best work was done. I was doing detailed focus work. And I'm a people person. So the rest of the week, I'd found ways to connect with people and enjoyed that so much more, but I didn't place any value on it. So I'd spend the back end of the week beating myself up for lack of commitment, lack of effort, like why can't get it done. But at the same time, why beating myself up about low? Why can't you do this? What's going on, like, you know, toughen up, get on with it. All these things that I was trying to convince myself of. Ultimately, though, I didn't really know where I was going was drifting had no plan, had no direction, no strategy, no skills, no tools, no, no way of making change. And it's funny when the pain gets big enough, then you'll take action. But also know if someone had come to me with strategies that had actually worked, I wouldn't have had to sink as low as I did before I took action. And that's why I'm so passionate about sharing these strategies, because I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through. After my dad passed, I was six years on the treadmill, having these moments and these different thoughts like I must have a serious illness. We don't get taught these tools when we're young. It's not in school. And so you whatever you're experiencing is, is not surprising. Unless you've had a model to hear from a young age, well, then, of course, you're going to repeat so many of these patterns and you're not going to have the skills to deal with different situations. Importantly, before the strategies, you need to be clear on what it is you want. And that's something I'd never done before. I had in some areas like sport, and I had a rough idea of wanting to improve my career, but that was usually money driven, and not anything beyond that. Nothing to do with fulfillment and really know where I was heading or how I would even be able to do that. Anyway, because I didn't understand my strength, I didn't understand my power.

So getting clear on what I wanted my life to look like, even in the face of all my past stories, and all the conceivable potential things that could stop me or restrict me from building a different life, I made that commitment to get it down to decide how I wanted life to be, or looking at the parts of my life that I'd enjoy. And looking at, well, if this is where it's at now. And I'd like what's the opposite of that? What's much better than that. And slowly, but surely, I put together my vision for the future, I break it down into smaller chunks into smaller pieces into smaller goals. And it makes such a difference. There's so much forward momentum, and the brain starts finding solutions to what you've talked about, and so much more comes to you. And then the real work starts, then you've got to take the action on what's presented to you. And that's when I learned how many things I had standing in my way. How many of these old patterns how many unresolved elements of grief, how much I didn't even know about was stopping me was slowing me down, it was keeping me stuck.

I also want you to know that change is possible for you. It's necessary if you want to build the life that you want to be build. If you just continue on the same path, nothing will change in one of these little moments where you go, oh, cool, that feels good. Give me a little win, just long enough to keep me going for a few more months. And then you fall back to the same place. Little wins, little ups, little downs, but nothing that's really fills you up to the point of I'm feeling fulfilled, I'm feeling satisfied. And when you don't have that feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction, that's when you drip into those lower, you drop into those lower places. You end up sad, you end up down, maybe not horribly, by enough just to take you away from your best. To get clearer. Start building the vision, start creating the direction. start committing to yourself of what needs to change and why it needs to change. And if you know the solution, start getting that down to if you're not sure. Ask the question. Ask the question in written form, ask the question to people who you know will be able to help. Save yourself some time deadlines. Visualize it, close your eyes, see the future. sense it, feel it. Use all your senses. And momentum will start to come and you'll start changing your life. And you'll start bringing in so many of those things that you know you wanted. Then they will be part of you and you start making breakthroughs. You'll be like, Oh, why not have this years ago. So the time is now. He didn't do easier, but you're doing it now. So keep going. Keep making progress. keep expanding. Stop living life on your terms and enjoying life again in a way that perhaps you don't even think you're capable of at this point. Keep smiling.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform.