Ep 473 - The Pressure That Continues To Build

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it. One of the surest signs that you've got unresolved grief still sitting in your system is that internal pressure that continues to build and seems to be just absolutely relentless. When you're going through a particular moment in time, where it just feels like everything is caving in on you. And you feel that pressure to to be the provider to be the protector. Against so hard. I've had two dealings with this in the last week from two clients. And it's just that that relentless feeling they were describing, which I know too, because I've been through that. That's why am I able to help other people through it because I've been through the experiences. And they both described the same thing. Which is the head noise, which doesn't stop the pressure, having to keep going and going and going well beyond where the energy levels were knowing they needed to rest but just having to keep going. Because of that pressure. That pressure might be to be there. For other people, it might be a financial pressure, it might be the pressure to perform at a certain level, the pressure of those high expectations that you place on yourself. And the pressure can be real. There are certain things that we need to have certain obligations, we need to keep with a certain level of safety of security that we all want to feel. It's not to say that the pressure is not there. It's how do we approach it? How do we look at it differently. Now, one of the most important thing for both of those people that I coach is for them having a safe place to externalize how they were feeling because they like myself and like you at times. Were telling anyone that we're carrying on for those important people in their life. Just soldiering on. Except they're reaching breaking point. Because they weren't allowing themselves the space to deal with whatever was going on. It was something they're playing out in the background, a moment from the past, where a belief was created, they had to be responsible for all of it, where that responsibility had to fall totally on their shoulders. And it's never the case. It's never the case that the sole responsibility is with you. To patent you've developed from a very young age, whether it's been responsible for how other people feel, being responsible for other people's safety being responsible for getting jobs done for other people, and maybe even responsible for meeting certain financial needs. Where you witnessed it in one or even experienced it firsthand. But you had this pressure role modeled to you by parents doing the best that they could in the circumstances they were dealt. And so the pattern repeats until that is that you're able to resolve it that you're able to make peace with it and receive help Well, my intention is always to help people to be able to navigate things on their own. I do know the importance of having a safe, trusted person that you can open up to. It's why I have my own cages. It's why I have other people in my network that I can reach out to. And it's why it's so important for you to have the same to have a safe place that you can externalize that you can process things that you can be helped to be able to look at that, that you're externalizing look at the situation, look at the circumstances through a different lens, be open to a new way of seeing things, a change of perception. Sometimes the shift only needs to be subtle. He can't see the picture, when you're in the frame, when you're stuck in it when the pressure is so high, it's impossible. Or nearly impossible. So we ask for help. So you ask for help. I was listening to some of my old school personal development stuff recently, Les Brown. And he'd say things like, it's hard. It's hard. And well, I don't know about continuing to tell yourself that it's hard as a process. But this is what he was saying. It's hard. And he goes, alright, repeat after me. This is to to a room if people get help. And he made them all repeat it back. And then he'd say, get help not because you're weak. But because you're strong. And you want to remain strong. Powerful. You're going through this not because you're weak. But because you are powerful beyond your comprehension. Because you've gone well past what a typical person would go, you've continued to move forward, you refuse to give in. And there's that stubbornness, that will take you a long way. But at some point, you'll need help, you'll need help to navigate the pressure to navigate the challenges, to let go of that weight that you carry, so that you can move forward. So I say the same thing to the people I speak to, whether it's me, whether it's a mentor they already have, whether it's someone from the network, far enough removed from that emotional connection. It's why family close family members aren't really the solution, because there's too much of an emotional attachment. And Try as they might to be neutral. I just can't because they get triggered by those moments, to find someone that is trusting. But it's far enough outside of that circle, that they're going to give you an honest, emotion free response that's going to help you to navigate whatever you're going through, to ask you great questions. So you can navigate it yourself to be able to give you that relief and that pressure. Because if you don't pressure builds, something's got to give. And I don't want it to be you. I want you to release that pressure. I want you to find the piece that you know, not only do you want but you know is possible for you, because you've experienced it a moment. Keep moving forward. But do it in a way where you can release the pressure. Find that peace and that calm and that certainty to move forward with strength. I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform