Ep 465 - When It Feels Like You Keep Getting Things Wrong

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it .

will be times in your life where you feel like you get things wrong. There will be times in your life where you feel like you are judging yourself all the time of like, Oh man, I muck that up and being really hard on yourself and besties example I can think of is when people walk off a golf course. And they're thinking about the park they missed on one of the holes or shot that they didn't quite hit as well as they wanted to and and even if they've played 90% of their shots really well, they're focused on a bit that didn't go well. And then if you think about, again, if we look at the golf analogy, you might play three really good shots in a hole and then you just miss a part. And you might have struggled pretty well maybe it took a little boggle on the green, maybe it just just got something technically slightly wrong. But you go to the next tee thinking about that part instead of focusing on the positive part. And how often in life did do that where you spend your whole week doing great stuff. And you're focusing on that one mistake. It's an old pattern and old belief of in inverted commas getting it wrong. It's not that you've got it wrong, it's that as a child, you were unfairly judged. And now you're running every moment through that same filter. We can think of different times growing up were always someone who asked a lot of questions and so questions and questions and questions. And so they would have, like imagine having a child who did the same thing to me that I would have really tested my dad's patience. And there are different times where he would have got sick of waiting for me to just to get things done, because I was a bit of a progressive procrastinator, even back then. And he just come and just do it for me. So the pattern that develop there was I was getting it wrong, I just need someone to come and do it for me that needing that validation or leaving that someone to come rescue me or come and do it for me. And that played out in so many different areas in school and even at uni. And then different things in the in the in my corporate career as well. And at times in business, and personal life and lots of different areas. Particularly that idea of focusing on the small things I remember after football on a Sunday night just going to bed and thinking about mistakes, and not not focusing on all the good stuff that happened. When I learned journaling back in 2012 13. Around then it was just amazing. And getting to the end of a week, having spent every day writing down my wins and acknowledging things that needed the intention and getting to the end of a week and go man, I really wasn't productive enough. I didn't get enough done and then go into my journal. And there's irrefutable proof of just how good the wheat was. It's amazing. When we focus on the good we focus on what we have done well, how much better we feel about those mistakes that often are minor, that small setbacks, they're just such a small part of our days. And yet how much energy and time thought of overthinking do we place upon these things? That's why I talk so much about journaling is such a powerful tool to create truth. The truth is is my 9% of times you get things right. And sometimes when something happens that you get it wrong and the consequences seem quite large. It's not a product of that particular moment but it's a product of a whole lot of decisions that have compounded to reach that different point. But amongst those compounding moments when you want to call them mistakes, or just call them just different choices you made, again, there's going to be the 99%, where you got it right. And rather than looking at this big catastrophe, it's catastrophe. It's, it's actually looking at it go, okay. There's something that needs attention here. I can't change what's just happened, but I can look at it and go, How do I make sure this doesn't happen? Again, how do I pay some attention to this so I can improve things. The worst thing you can do is get down yourself, about getting it wrong. dwelling and focusing on that small percentage. It's not good for you, it's not good for the people around you, partner, children, siblings, parents, friends, is bring that energy to everything. You might start then reacting the same way to their small mistakes. When again, they're doing great things so many other times. I did a talk for my sister's youth group just recently, and I was recalling a story where I've been pretty harsh on my daughter when she was quite young, because she knocked over a dream. Again, like, that's a pattern that could potentially have had an impact for her around mistakes. I don't know I haven't specifically asked her about that one. But that wasn't her fault. And you've had moments like this yourself when you're younger, where different people, adults, siblings reacted in a certain way. And you created a belief that when that happens when a mistake happens when you get something not perfect. And then all the things you call yourself, you're you're an idiot, you're you're clumsy or shy or all those labels that you're given by other people and took them on this bullshit. I just other people's ideas about how things were usually a projection of their own staff their own frustration itself. So focus on the positive Remember, you're not broken. Remember that you can improve. Keep track of it with your journal. If you haven't got one yet, get yourself a journal. Start with a notepad. Write just in your diary anywhere. start keeping track, create that truth and just see how many times you are getting it right every single day. And allow yourself to celebrate that.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform