Ep 432 - Revisiting The 7 Grief Code Pillars

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Way back on Episode One of the Grief Code podcast. I outlined what the podcast would be about and how I would go about it. And a lot of that has been absolutely true. And I've continued doing those things. Some things have changed, though. And as I've encouraged all of you to do, I've evolved since that very first episode as well. Coming up to two years ago in September, October, I think recorded that. And the bits changed. And one of the things that I talked about that very first episode was my own backstory and how I got doing what I'm doing. And also talked about the seven pillars, the seven truths of the Grief Code. And they've changed and they've evolved. And yet in some ways, they're quite, they're still quite similar. Now, it's funny because I did the first explanation of pillar one, I'd have to look back. But I don't even know if I went through go any further than the first pillar because at the same time I was going through a big period of change. And having come out the other side of that, and having clarity on what those seven pillars are now from a more logical perspective. It's been quite enlightening to have that level of clarity. And I want to share that with you now. So the first pillar, which hasn't changed, which is all about personal responsibility. After grief, there can be a tendency to go into blame. When I did, when I still catch myself at times blaming, by wanting to shirk the responsibility by giving an explanation and it's part of the processing of tough times of pain, particularly emotional and mental pain and anguish. Ultimately, though, until you take full responsibility, you will be ever stuck in that loop. For responsibility gives you your control back your self control, allows you to let go of control of other people. It allows you to control your destiny, what will come in your future. It doesn't get to control the how of how that will play out. But you get to decide and you get to act on what it is you want. Pillar two is all about finding inner calm it's about finding ways to quieten the noise, to calm that inner frustration, to ease the self doubt to have strategies to manage the overwhelm the over stimulation of the senses the overwhelm of overthinking of emotions of other people stuff that both of these were so important for me, early days of my growth, early days of coming out the other side of the pain of grief of that big moment of my dad's passing the next most simple horn pillar three, direction, having a future vision, having clarity, having the confidence, confidence and motivation to take the steps to make that vision a reality, to have clear steps mapped out. So at any given time you know where you're at, where you're heading and what you need to do next. I've never had that before. I've had a few goals here and there and some aspirations but nothing I've committed to paper, nothing I'd actively work towards. And when I did, it made all the difference, started accelerating my growth, and bringing in so much more of who I really wanted to feel into my life. Which brings me to pillar four. Because once you have that clear direction and a clear vision, then you're able to start working towards building that security in your life for you, and the most important people in your life. Now, my journey started looking for financial security. Because I thought that was most important. And it is important. It is an important part of growth to be the provider. And in this current world we live in having financial security is an important step. But it's only a small part of the the elements of security that you need for yourself, to feel secure with who you are. To have that feeling of security from a mental perspective, to feel physically secure, that you are safe. To let go of the responsibility of other people's emotions to bring that security in your own emotional state. So you're not always feeling off, overwhelmed, exhausted, and then that spiritual security. What does that mean? Well, the more you go into that place of inner calm, the more you can access and be influenced by other people's energy. And like in every other part of life. There are elements of this world that aren't that don't always have your best interests of her. You've all experienced those sorts of people. And they can impact you in terms of the impact on your community. And they can impact you in terms of that internal connection to the depths where I've had people that I've had trusted as mentors coming up with me really clear information in my dreams about circumstances they couldn't possibly known about, and then follow up actions after that very much out of alignment with who they were and what I wanted for my life. So I was learning a new layer of security and the biggest element of that spiritual security is is the latching on to other people's energy, other people's emotion and how for those of us who grew up feeling so responsible for people, that people pleasers, they're wanting to keep everyone else happy, which would be I imagine most of you listening is that we can just walk around latching on to other people's energy and emotion to our own detriment. So carrying all of these bricks of other people's stuff, and to learning processes to be able to protect yourself from that energy and learn to be able to be responsible for you. So that is the biggest appeal of that middle one because it is very much related to matters of the heart. For example, money is all about self worth. feeling loved. feeling connected, feeling valued, feeling safe. Interesting, right? Nothing to do with money, as such as it is about all of those things. And those other areas of safety of security

They've caused us grief, I've caused us emotional pain, they've hurt our heart when people have betrayed that security. Pillar five, finding your voice. Being able to stand up for yourself, being able to say what you truly want to say, without fear of judgment, or ridicule. Without feeling triggered, sharing your story, everyone has a story and everyone wants it heard. Even if part of you saying to yourself now I'm not really sure I'm ready. Everyone has a story and ever wanted heard. When the time's right, maybe you've got a message to share with the world that you really want to share. And you feel really guided to share a story. And purpose is very much part of you finding your voice, being able to find the purpose in your backstory and realize that they will be part of your future story as well. Pillar seven is all about connecting to your higher self, accessing your intuitive mind, accessing the guidance that is possible for you. Again, whether you call it God, the universe, your higher self. What is undeniable is there is a part of us that delivers wisdom, that we can only access through that space. And is also part of unlocking your grief code. A huge part. Pillar seven, unlimited potential. Now, clearly, there are some things that are not meant to be in your life. Not all of us are meant to be 100 made a champion of the world, not all of us are meant to invent a life saving technology. But there is a path for you. And on that path, you do have unlimited potential. You have the ability to do so much more beyond what you currently think you're capable of.

You already know that because at different times in the journey, you've looked back and gone Wow, I can't believe this is what I've achieved now. And you've also grown again and then thought, Man, I'm capable of so much more than what I thought. And I'll talk more about these pillars and start going through them all in in greater depth. So if you're at that point where you've experienced your big moment of grief, and you've come out the other side, and you're looking for answers, then these pillars are the framework for you be able for you to be able to unlock your absolute best future to unlock your grief code to make peace with your past and live the life that you were meant to live.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform