Ep 411 - Your Single Biggest Deterrent To Change

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

When you change the people closest to you can find this really challenging. And their initial reaction might be one of avoidance. One of aggression. Either way, you will experience a sense of rejection from the this kind of loss causes a need for attention. But because you've changed, it feels like no one gets you anymore. So the loop becomes a spiral of any attention, not getting it. And people gravitating away from you. Often people closest to you. Maybe they stopped returning calls, maybe they're less likely to want to catch up can be a whole host of ways it plays out. Or they can aggressively challenge you on your behavior. When your new approach to things on how you're behaving, try and cut you down. And so the rejection increases and so there's that sense of loss. Now, some people call this the awakening process sense of xr you might more readily relate to the concept of stepping up and doing something for you of taking responsibility. Like I mentioned a day or two ago, this is this is a foundational part of your growth. It's a key part of you getting the best out of your life and unlocking your best future. But how do you deal with the pain of rejection? Particularly when it's the most important people in your world? Will they this is where the part about making peace with your past comes into it. Because what's really happening is that you're having things from your past triggered by this situation. The part of you, there was heard a created a safety mechanism to deal with a situation from the youngest age is wanting out is wanting change. And you're being shown it in very, very real terms. So well it feels like the blame should be on those people that are rejecting you and acting different. It comes down to your ability to deal with that rejection, make peace with it, and then meet people where they're at. Now that you probably listening, that all sounds really easy in theory, but how do I do that in practice? Well, it takes practice, you're not going to be great at it straightaway. Everyone goes through this when they change. I guarantee you it's going to be challenging, no one said it was going to be easy, but I also guarantee you that you will never regret going down this path. You may regret moments and the moments where it gets really hard and you're like what am I doing? Only go back to how it was. But there's a big part of you. That's just like there's no way I can go back. I can never go back to how things were. I was fucking miserable. I was going nowhere. feeling inadequate. For the noise in my head was exhausting. Yeah, sound familiar? You can't go back If so what can you do? Find a way to make peace. You got to externalize, you got to get those thoughts and feelings out there to go through different processes that are going to help you to rewire your thinking. And at the foundational level, it's taking full responsibility. No longer blaming anyone else, no longer pointing fingers. Yes, people are doing shit things. And that's annoying. And it hurts and it hurts badly, particularly because summer is often the people who are closest to you. The more you focus there on on them, the more you give up your power to them. And those situations, the more you take full responsibility for where you're at, for how you can respond. Then that's where everything changes, everything changes. You get back your power, slowly, but surely, you'll get back your strength. And you'll start to be able to navigate those tricky situations. With calm, with poise with strength. And like I said, it takes practice, you'll get better every day. incremental improvement creates sustainable change. It's like the fad diet. People lose a big chunk of weight in a short period of time, but they put it back on again in no time. But those people that change habits and make a long term commitment of slow change, incremental change, they get sustainable change, they get sustainable weight loss. That's you start making the changes. Gets support as you need and keep moving forward.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform