Believe In Yourself - Easier Said Than Done

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request. If any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

About a month ago, I had a new client start with me. Now, I was pleasantly surprised by this one because this is someone who's been doing similar to work to me for a long time. They work in a similar space and have achieved so many wonderful things. And yet, one of the things I said was their biggest challenge was a lack of belief in themselves. Now, how often have you heard that that comment from someone, you just gotta believe in yourself. You may have even heard it from me. Sometimes it's so much easier said than done. And sometimes you need someone else to believe in you. Until you can believe in yourself. So who believes in you, who's lifting you up? Who's encouraging you when you have those setbacks. Also be hanging out with because in a in an area that can be really challenging for you to do yourself to believe in yourself to believe and back yourself that you can go and achieve what it is you truly want. The last thing you want is to have people cutting you down. Maybe poking fun at your even comments in jest. Yeah, they kind of jokey but they kind of not. Because that's only going to set you back further and really sap your inner belief. Are you hanging out with people who lift you up to encourage you who are full of praise and admiration when you get things right, and are full of encouragement and support, when maybe things don't go as planned. That's where belief comes from. Having that support until you can find that belief yourself. Having someone reminding you of what is going well. The Observer from an external perspective, who can actually see how things are from a non emotional, emotional perspective, they're not necessarily attached to you in a way that they're going to be caught up in any sort of bias towards where you're at and where you're heading.

Because then, when you can get that sort of support, it provides a space for you to explore your own self belief, an opportunity to have that different perspective put to you. So you can start asking better questions and wonder. Where is this lack of self belief coming from? What is the root cause of it? Is it from observing parents who didn't believe in themselves or from parents or other significant people in your life, cutting you down whenever you do well? Sometimes most important people in our life are well meaning but to keep us in adverted commas safe. They don't want us to go to well, they don't want us to have too much belief. Because that might leave them in a vulnerable, vulnerable place. They might have experienced them so have suddenly they got a bit a bit of success and they were cut down. When they try to keep you safe Rob, unconsciously, the pattern playing out for them probably happened with their parents don't want to stick your head above the parapet because might get shot out. You want to be too positive or too successful because we won't have a crack at you will let them have a crack or say, have the support around you that just doesn't have an impact. And if it does do have an impact and work on why, why are you being triggered by someone else's projection of their own stuff. I saw a post this morning, an article this morning from a sports person talking about how they often post inspirational stuff, they've got to extremely fit looking body. And so post pictures to try and inspire other young people and young athletes to to be as fit and healthy as they possibly can. And they were talking about one particular comment from from a follow up from a supporter. So this is someone who actually backs them, say, oh, always love what you do. But those recent photos, you actually don't look well, me and my children agree. Again, their own projection. Now I've seen those photos, and this person looks amazing. And I can't fathom how some of the things are not fed. But then also know that anything that looks too uncomfortable to foreign, to unachievable to someone else will then they will cut it down because of their own beliefs, or lack of belief. So it's not personal. When people when people tell you different things. It's not personal. It feels personal, but it's not personal. It's just them dealing with their own thing. I've had this where I've lost a significant amount of weight when probably I'd been carrying too much. And then people saying oh, look why you lost, you've lost too much. We're worried about you. You don't you don't look well. So funny, because I feel amazing. And I feel fit. And this is how I want to look. And actually a little bit of an aside here, but I'll go on this tangent. If you look at photos of the beach in the 50s and 60s, everyone's slim, well, 99% of them with their shirts off, there's no there's no overly covering up. And it's completely different body shape than what you see at the beach these days. You can believe whatever you think about why that may still be. But what I know is that that's a more natural looking shape to me then. Whatever other alternatives there are out there. So I'm going to be off track and this wasn't necessarily it wasn't necessarily meant to be about physical shape. But more to do with just the impact of people's words and beliefs and and how you can find more belief in yourself by having the right support around you or having cheerleaders not naysayers, but also having the skills and the ability to manage when the naysayers do come because they will that's just life. If you can recognize how much of the naysaying is others projection of their own crap, their own lack of belief, and actually nothing to do with you at all. And that could be around belief and they could also be around them cutting you down around something 99% of the time, that's a projection of their own fears and insecurities.

So surround yourself with people who will lift you up, who will support you, who will believe in you until you can believe in yourself and at the same time, do the work to increase that belief. And you'll get so much more joy out of your life.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code And remember so that I can help even more people to heal please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform