And Another Thing On Driving

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this word, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

After recording, yesterday's podcast about how driving tends to highlight undesired behaviors and some good behaviors as well. It dawned on me that there are other areas that are quite significant when it comes to driving. And that is around control. We have a close friend of mine who would much sooner drive a trip say Sydney to Melbourne which is about a one hour flight but about a 1011 hour drive depending on brakes. I'd much rather drive because of that not loving the flying experience. And from what I would expect, the real reason for that would be very much in control. They even said that a different times that they feel a sense of being in control when they're driving the reality something altogether different because as you know, they can accidents can happen when you actually you don't even see it coming. somebody hits you from behind somebody hits you from the side, things can unfold really quickly per deal on a freeway, if you're going long distances. So there's that element feeling in control. And if you deep deeper dive, it's level, what is the lack of control when you're on a flight, one of the one of the real pivotal moments in my life was a moment on a flight where I can remember just thinking or, you know, I was getting into a bit of fear space because of some turbulence or something. And I remember thinking, you know, what, if if this goes down, and this is my last moment, there's actually nothing I can do. And I won't be rounding to experience it was either, it's hard to explain, but it was kind of like, I'll be gone. This won't be my concern. It was a time where I was doing a fair bit of work on on my mortal facing my mortality and the reality of life. It's not forever. I think I've explained to you many times before is that losing my day was that was a real eye opener from that perspective, as this part of me it was a bit blase about life because it was like, Well, it's kind of you know, had no concept of an ending. But then when someone close to you dies, you suddenly realize shit, this is not forever, but to get my act together. So I've done a fair bit of work on that, but I just had this moment of just letting go of control, whatever will be will be the I've never had a drama on flights since then. Because it's just like, well, literally will be what it will be letting go of that control. And that perception of control. That in driving, I see control a time, people not letting people in. And at the same time, that same person then tries to sneak up the side and then gets angry at someone for not letting them in control. Feeling into control trying to control others behaviors. You see that with people like squeezing up gaps, not wanting someone else to come in that gap because of you know, they're not driving in a way that you think's the right way doesn't actually help. That actually just creates more angst. I'd much rather just smile and wave and let them in and they'll get what they get. Just catch me the nice traffic lights when they speed up to that man up at the same similar traffic lights, because generally if you're all going to the speed limit, then you don't get much further ahead anyway. For me, I've mentioned before, one of my strong personality traits is Maximizer. So always looking for the best way to do something. It's pretty exhausting at different times because no matter what I do, I can always in my head think of ways I could have done it better or I could still do something better how somebody could be improved. And I often drive like that. It In this lane is going so slow, that one's moving fast. What if I changed lanes to that lane and it's a constant reminder to me that there's some some things there that still need attention. also highlight sometimes that there's a positive element as well. And then sometimes if there are ways to do things more efficiently, as long as you are doing it in a way that's not unsafe for yourself or for people who might be driving with. So that that control aspect is just another piece for you to be aware of what you're driving in this next week. Are you trying to Yeah, control how other people drive by by how you drive? You know, people who ride right up the backside of someone because they wanted to go faster? Doesn't that doesn't help if I want to do that to make your videos slow down. Because the last thing I want is to be going at a quick speed having to stop suddenly, and then not being able to stop and running straight back out. I want that inconvenience, I want to deal with an accident even just not worthwhile. Where are you trying to control people by letting them in not letting the mid? Where could you just wave and smile and let someone in who looks like they could do with a be able to get through a gap where they've been sitting maybe for a long time? Even if it's a question of not your right of way, but a gesture of goodwill. And it's amazing how often that comes back to you. When your first intention is to let people in how often you get let back in. Again, the world will mirror back to you, who you are and what you've got going on. So have a think about that. On in addition to some of those other behaviors we talked about in yesterday's episode. Is that a sense of a sense of control? Or are you trying to control your driving and how might that be showing up in other areas of your life as well.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform