Addicted To Healing

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

I see it all the time. I've lived myself addicted to healing. What do I mean by that? I'm not talking about you know, like getting sick or injured all the time and needing to get better, might be another episode, we're talking about the people that have done work with a coach or a kinesiologist, or energy healer or Reiki or any of those different modalities. Kinesiology, still I say that I think I've probably said it twice. But it keeps you dependent. Dependent on the system. The ability to process emotions to process different things that come up to have tools and strategies to be able to self heal. That's where real power comes. We want to come to a place of inter dependency, which means we're not known. We're never dependent on someone. But we can create amazing relationships where we can choose that dependency, we can choose if we want to allow someone to help us and guide us but it's not something that we need to do. I heard I heard someone say they that WhatsApp, WhatsApp groups are the home of the dependent. It's like they need to have either their validation or their elevation for the pain they're going through or validation for how well they're going or whatever else it is. Now don't get me wrong, it's nice to have people to validate you. So you know you're on the right path. And it's also nice to have a space where you can talk about different things. It's not healthy, if it's what you're doing all the time, and you're hanging out with other people are doing it all the time to where it's a constant place of needing that person to come in, make it alright. I was in the group coaching this week where my clients was talking about how Walters our spa, she's come to be in that place. Once you start off work with me, there was a fair bit of time when she was asking lots of questions and and needing to have me tell her she's she's right or wrong or help her out different situations. And that's part of the role. But there are also times where I asked a question of her to just sit and reflect. And there were other times where I left her question unanswered for some time. So she had to see whether I equated to back in the corporate days when I was a manager and we would have like training days, and you'd have a whole lot of missed calls. And in when if you're in the office, you would have helped people but because you're not there, the missed call originally was a message saying oh, I need help with this, this and this. And then there's a call two hours later going into or out of sort of myself. So giving people space, giving the client space to actually be able to process on their own. Not everything you can process on your own. That's where you get help. But it's when you don't even try to help yourself when you don't actually have the tools So you just go and just outsource this. But ultimately, you can't outsource your stuff forever, because it will come back to bite you to the client now talked about how she used to wake up in the middle of the night, fretting and thinking about all these different things. And who's going to save me on it's as if only this will show up or if only this person will shut up or only for this all common, or this bit of news or whatever. And then she said recently, she woke up in the middle of night and a realization of I decided myself who's there to save me a part of why we don't want to do on their own is because we don't trust ourselves fully. We're worried we might get it wrong, we might make a mistake, that the solution we've come up with is not right. So we don't trust yourself. So we continue to outsource and be dependent on others. The word is that lack of trust come from? It comes from patterns from a young age of people not trusting us. Think about when you're young and you and you feel like you're left to your own devices and you try something and you get it wrong. Or then you have someone an adult, come back and go, you did that all wrong. Or any of you even if you've done a really good job for your age, you might still get a negative comment I remember my sister talking about she'd got an ID something of a maths test. And my dad ingest as a joke. What happened with the other 7%, or whatever it was. Now, of course, he was tongue in cheek. But for a young mind you create story around that. Money wasn't so tongue in cheek. It might have been a bit of truth. Often when we have a bit of a joke about things, there's an element of truth to it. But those patterns and those messages we heal and laugh, then we do it doesn't erode our trust. And then we get to adults. And we have the same situations come and just confirmed to us that we're not trustworthy. Because the most important people in our life don't trust us because we have these different times where we don't get 100%, right, and their reaction from people is not good. But you can change this, and you can learn to trust yourself again, and you can be self determining. You can learn to take yourself through even the most challenging of situations. And sure, there'll be times where you're like, Oh, I just want to ring someone to reach out for help. And sometimes that is important. But not until you've exhausted all possibilities, and you've had a crack at it. Because this skill is the ability to problem solve yourself, particularly around your own health. Run your own growth. Absolutely game changer. The freedom that you will feel. Or instead of having to go oh, I'll just bring this person or I'll speak to this person, I'll book an appointment here. You go, Okay, I'm gonna sit with this. I take myself through and I know the steps that I know work for me. This will set you free. This is why I love to help my clients with these sorts of tools so that they can have the tools to go away and do this themselves. That old adage, fish for manufacturing for a day, Teach a man to fish feed him for life. And that's my intention to give people the skills that they are going to be able to take forward for the rest of their life. One of the great parts of the growth journey I've been on he's been able to pass on some of this knowledge to my children and watching them develop their skills and find that independence. One of the greatest skills you can teach your children children. I'll leave it there for today. Enjoy the rest of your day.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at in Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform