Everything Happens: Ways To Find Happiness and Gratitude In Difficult Times

Welcome to the D shift podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get this shift started. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the D ship. And today we're going to talk about something that I think is super important for people going through divorce. We're going to talk a little bit about forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude, and how all of that ties into really healing ourselves as we move forward. So I am excited to have Ricky Powell, with us. And Rick, he's got a fascinating background, I'm going to let him talk a little bit about this about his background. But Ricky is an executive and mindset coach, and he works with people, men, women, entrepreneurs in a wide range of different areas of expertise, and assistance and support. And you've got some really neat things coming up as well. I know Ricky, that I'd really like you to tell us a little bit about but without any further ado, Ricky, tell us a little bit about yourself, why you think, why you do what you do, what your background is, and sort of where your areas of focus are now.

Absolutely, Mardi, and thank you so much for having me, I really, really appreciate being here and getting to speak with your listeners and audience. So just just a quick sort of overview, I got to start my professional career at the age of seven, I was a childhood actor, which was my dream at the time, I became friends with a kid who was on a TV series at the time. And so from the time I'm seven years old, I'm getting to learn about this whole professional life, you know, in front of the camera, and with it came the emotional rollercoaster and the ups and downs of the industry and all of that. So I really, at an early age learned about things like, you know, competition and jealousy and all of those sorts of issues. And then, after college, I moved behind the camera, spent five years in post production on the Golden Girls and then worked my way up, it was pretty fun. I was delivering

the dream job working with the Golden Girls.

Yeah, it was amazing. I went up when the show first started in 1985, I was delivering the Golden Girls on one inch tape to NBC every week as a runner, and then worked my way up. And five years later, I was viewing the shows as a client. And then I ended up leaving the production company and going to work full time at NBC for 25 years putting every comedy drama and reality show on the air so and while I was there, again, my first nine years there and nine years. I mean, that's a that's quite a long time, I was working with a guy who was very challenged up to up here. I mean, he was a true sociopath and, and but I believe everything happens for a reason. And so that pain is what drove me to pick up my first book on the subject of happiness, which was by Dennis Prager called happiness is a serious problem. You're familiar with it? Yes, I am. Yeah. Well, that that book was life changing for me because not only Well, of course, he wasn't interested at all. But I became so fascinated with that topic that I read every book on the topic, listen, every program, went to every seminar eventually wrote my own book 10 years ago World and almost 11 years now ago in 2012. And, and then help charter Toastmasters at NBC. So then I started speaking about happiness and mindset way back then inside, and then outside the company. And then finally, I left NBC in 2015, and started doing a lot doing a lot of corporate training and training for employees and companies regarding mindset and mental health. And and you know, just the pillars that happiness includes because Dennis's equation is that we are all morally obligated to be as happy or at least act as happy as we can. Write. Because why? Because when we're happy, it's contagious. Everyone else gets lifted up as well. Because the opposite is also true. You know, when we're down and we're in a horrible mood, and we inflict that on someone else. You know, he say, he says, you know, when we have bad breath, you wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone. Why would you want to inflict a bad mood on anyone?

Right, right. And I think that, you know, that's such an important point that you raised, that we do have a choice whether we're going to look at it. And I want to I want to stress too, we're not talking about you know what the term now is toxic positivity, where you're just supposed to pretend everything is glorious. We're not talking about that, right? Oh, absolutely. Can you definitely Can you maybe distinguish or give some guidelines around? Because I really believe that whole, you know, fake it till you make it, pretend everything's great, and it will become great. Yep, that's really dangerous thinking I actually think.

Yeah, and you know what I'm so glad Marty you brought brought this up because it is such an important component in all of this. And, you know, I also studied NLP neuro linguistic programming. And, you know, many are familiar with that. And what I love about it is it's so much, so much of it is language related, and the words we use are so important. And so for instance, you know, that notion of fake it till you make it, I agree that that way of thinking can be dangerous. When it comes to something like this. What's interesting to me, from my perspective, is rather than fake it till you make it when you're talking about, you know, truly being happy. And again, we're not talking about the fluffy, fuzzy stuff. I mean, we're talking about deep heart centered, you know, heartfelt joy and gratitude and all of that. Rather than fake it to make it the way I look at it sometimes is, is act as if, right? Because our bodies, and I don't know if you're familiar with, say, Joe Dispenza, right, and quantum physics and all of that physiology is so important in our bodies get trained by our thoughts, all of our right, all of our thoughts are either positively or negatively charged. Evidently, we have up to 65,000 thoughts a day, they're all positively or negatively charged, up to 85% of them are negative. Not our fault, just because of the way we're wired. It's the fight or flight mechanism, right? Where our brains are not wired to make us happy. You know, that's the caveat. Our brains are wired to keep us alive. Exactly. Yeah. So it takes a concerted effort, it because we tend to have the same thoughts day after day after day takes five or six or seven positives to counter one negative. So when you look at the math, it takes a concerted effort to feed your brain, the positive material that's going to keep you positively focused and moving forward. Right. And, you know, life is filled with pain. It just is. You Can't We? We couldn't it's impossible to be 100 100% Happy 100% of the time, you know, nor would we even want to be because then what? How would we even know? Right,

right. And I think that's so important. Because sometimes when we talk about this subject, I get people who tell me, Well, don't tell me to be happy when I'm going through a divorce. So don't tell me to go be happy when I'm, you know, trying to work a job and be a caregiver to my aging parent and take care of my own kids. And I'm a single mom, don't tell me to be happy. We're not saying that I'm putting words in your mouth now, Ricky, but what what I think is just look for the things in your life that you can be grateful for, that are positive, you know, just getting up in the morning is positive about because there's, there's other people that aren't, you know, you know, a beautiful day, just taking a few minutes and just absorbing the beauty of the day around you. If that makes you feel joyful, what what are your thoughts on stuff like that?

100% I 100% agree with you, Marty. It's that, you know, what is it the Tony Robbins says something to the effect of energy goes where folk or energy flows where focus goes, right, right. And so even though, you know, there may be many painful things going on, and I and obviously, you know, my parents got divorced when I was 13. And it was a, it was a pretty traumatic experience. Although even at that young age, I was able to take a step back and kind of see my mom's point of view, because she's the one that left and I also had empathy for my dad and, and under stood his viewpoint. And just from that very early age, I had a real awareness of of that subject and of divorce and separating and all of that. And then as you know, as it turns out, for me personally, my mom ended up marrying, who became my stepdad. And I had such a wonderful relationship with him, by the way, I mean, he was almost really more of a dad to me than my biological dad, even though I loved him. And I'll never forget it. I know I'm taking a little bit of a tangent here. But I'll tell you one thing he said to me that I so appreciated was when he was starting to date my mom, he said, I just want you to know that I'm not out to steal your mother's love. I just want to share it. And I was 1314 15 years old at the time and I just remember appreciating that so much. So So, you know, a lot of it is just how we frame all of this and, and look at that gratitude for what we can be grateful for. You know?

And what do you find? Now this is I'm really putting you on the spot here. So I don't, I'm not asking any names or anything. But do you find that people that are really, I'm going to use the term high achieving people that are driven people that are dedicated to something, whether it's their church, their community, their family, their, their career, whatever it is, those people tend to quite often be harder on themselves and tend to focus on what they mess up on. As opposed to, you know, I did, I did 100 great things in my church this year, I did 100 great things for my community. But oh, my gosh, I messed up this one thing, and then they just sit there and loop and loop and loop on that one thing that they messed up on, do you? What do you what do you think is going on with that with your perspective?

Well, I think we all have different personality types. And we tend to focus on, you know, the positive or the negative. I for years, I was a, I considered myself a perfectionist, and really what I learned and my background, and especially behind the camera at NBC, for all those years, I used to tell people I live I used to live my life and 30 It's of a second because there's 30 frames per second and video. And, you know, the lesson is, there is no such thing as perfection or being perfect that that is some notion out there that that was invented, I'm sure by someone and if you if you follow the money, right? Like, oh, we'll invent this thing called Perfect. Ah, you know, like it, there's no such thing as perfect. And so really one of the things that I tried to help people with, and I almost started calling myself the little voice whisperer, because I love helping people turn that little voice inside from what could be your worst enemy into your best friend. It's really important to listen to that voice and have the awareness of what's going on. Is that your friend? Is it not? And if it isn't, there's so many things that we can do to help turn that around.

Yes. Have you ever done any work in that and Positive Intelligence?

Positive Psychology, positive psychology,

right? Well, I actually did this positive intelligence training, and I'll talk to you about it afterwards. But it's really sure, I think you'd really enjoy it. But but it really talks about the saboteurs that we all carry. And I can't remember they're seven or nine of the saboteurs. And then there's the why sage, and what we have to learn is to listen to the why sage instead of all the the saboteur is in life, and I think of it when I'm talking to my clients, I simplify it, I say, you know, you've got, you've got the inner critic who's going to be just yammering on your ear, and then you've also got your inner cheerleader, you have to start listening to the chariot. Wow. Yeah. So absolutely. So you mentioned something really important is that you actually help people work through listening so much to that little inner voice. What's the strategies maybe that, that people could maybe look at implementing or maybe start to turn their focus so that their energy flows towards that positivity rather than the negativity?

Right, great, and great question. You know, there's so much negativity out there, you can't, you know, read a paper or turn on the news or look at social media without seeing it everywhere. And so like I was saying, you know, it's, there's a reason when, when I was at the network, I kind of took a step back and thought, Oh, my, there's a reason it's called programming. We are literally getting programmed every single day. And so we need to do everything we can to counter that programming and literally rewire our brains to flip the switch and, and reprogram, and that is up to us. And so really my my kind of pillars for that are serving others, I think that when you are helping others, or a cause that's worthwhile to you, it's almost impossible not to feel better, yourself. Also, forgiveness and and not only being in, in, in the world of divorce two, I think this is so important. It's not only about forgiving others, but it's about forgiving ourselves too. For for things mistakes, we may, you know, making mistakes, that's part of being human. That's really, again, reframing it to understand that one of the beautiful parts about being human is that we make mistakes, right. And, you know, we're there to learn from them so that we don't end up repeating the same mistake over and over again. And absolutely, we also have to forgive, forgive ourselves. I mean, we're perfectly imperfect being human and so, but when you can forgive and there's a book, by the way called Radical forgiveness, which I, which I loved, and it's, it just takes forgiveness to a whole new level, it really does. I would definitely recommend it. If that's an issue.

I would love to I'm writing that down. That's why I'm looking away. I'm writing that down. Because yeah, we take a look at that one. Yeah,

yeah, it was great. I mean, it because I had been speaking on forgiveness for so many years. And then a friend of mine mentioned that book and I read it and I, I thought, Oh, my God, I mean, this is amazing, because he takes it to a whole new level. But it's so important. It's, it's that it's that important, it really is because so often we just harbored this anger and, and negative emotions inside. And you know, we we've just hold this grudge against the other person, thinking, maybe in the back of our minds that we're actually hurting or getting the other person back or something like that, when in reality, you know, a, the other person may not care at all right? They may even take enjoyment somehow in that because they know how toxic holding a grudge can be. But that's the whole point. It's like all of that negativity gets trapped inside, and there's nowhere for it to go. So it stays and it's garbage in, not garbage in, garbage out. But it's garbage in and stays and festers and grows. And I think that's where so much of our disease in the world comes from, is harboring that anger. And then gratitude, by the way, gratitude is, is the other really big piece.

Absolutely. And I want to, I want to really highlight what you said about that, letting go and saying I, you know, I'm going to release this, I'm going to forgive you. Even in a really awful situation, you know, where somebody's had an affair or somebody's you know, had a whatever's going on, you know, ran off with all the money or in some way embarrassed or humiliated a person forgiving them doesn't mean you're saying you think they're right. You're just saying, I'm no longer going to focus in on this. It's absolutely no, I'm releasing myself from this issue, and you own it. Now. I'm not carrying it for you anymore. So I think that's really important. Let's, let's talk about that gratitude part too. Because I think that's another thing. That's something that I've changed in, I've made a change in my life about that gratitude stuff. So talk a little bit if you wouldn't mind sharing a little bit about how you see gratitude and what the benefits are of actually making that a focus throughout your day, or as you as you plan your life.

Absolutely. It's, it's, to me, the most paramount in terms of that Happiness Equation is being grateful, not just for the big things, but for the little things. Because really, it's those little things that are the huge things. What one quote, I love, I'm such a, I'm such a quote junkie, I quote everyone all the time and, and one of my favorites from Einstein was something to the effect of, there are only two ways to live one as if ever one is if nothing is a miracle. One is if everything is a miracle, and, and to me really everything is and so we're all miracles just in the time space continuum of, of even being born, right. We most of us know, like the the odds of our being born. In any given time place, the way we were is like infinitesimal. I mean, it's billions, trillions to one. But, you know, most of us, like how many of you listening, have been grateful and counted how many breaths you've taken, since you've started listening to us, or how many times your eyes have blanked, or the fact that you can even hear us to begin with, like, all of these things that we have God willing, like if we're healthy, and health is another huge component, because often we don't appreciate that until it's gone. If you're if you're able to get out of bed in the morning and live your life and and have the freedom and the choice to be grateful for all of these things for the sunshine, or the rain or the snow or whatever your weather looks like. It's just looking inward. And and being grateful really, for every breath you take every step you make, like I don't want to get into song lyrics or whatever. And it can sound and it can sound corny, but honestly, you know, it's it's the truth. I really believe it is,

you know, and I want to I want to just touch in on that I got kind of tapped into To this gratefulness stuff, my husband had a massive stroke in January of 2011. And he passed away in 2017. But between those times, he really didn't walk or he wasn't able to, he could speak but unless you really knew him, you couldn't necessarily understand. And I, not only seeing him just be so happy for small things throughout the day, even though he was non ambulatory really couldn't speak and basically stayed in the house and didn't get out of the house, he was so happy with small little things in life like, and and with his health, going back and forth to the hospital, I was always amazed with the people that were in such dire health conditions, you know, some of them even in hospice, that would smile and would say, I thank you for coming to visit me or, you know, and I will just be like, holy, you got so much that you're dealing with, and you're thanking me for visiting you, like, you know, and those people had a completely different outlook on life than the people, you know, that perfect example, I actually had a client the other day who won $5,000 in the lottery. And I was like, Wow, that's so exciting. And the comment back to me was, well, yeah, it's just a drop in the bucket. I really need 25,000 to get out of my credit card debt. I'm like, just

isn't that something? Yeah.

So can we how can we cultivate that gratitude? What, what's one little step we could take? I could take anybody who's listening to take to start becoming more conscious. So what do we have to do? What do you think?

I think that one thing you can do is kind of look back, even though by the way, you know, Eckhart Tolle the power of now is so important, and being in the present moment, because that's all we have. But, but I think, understanding just how important this this moment is, and what can we do, but also, I was gonna say, looking back on your accomplishments, like what have you done, that you feel proud for having accomplished and whether you know, you're a parent, or even on the other end of it, you know, you're You're someone's child, and you're, you know, what, regardless of whether your parents are even still alive or not, like what, you know, were you able to provide them the love that they needed, or, you know, there, we all do so many things daily in our lives. Take a moment and really reflect on what you've accomplished and how far you've come and, and then maybe look toward the future. And, you know, I love Jim Rohn, who was Tony Robbins mentor was my all time favorite mentor. I never really even got to meet him in person before he passed away. So many great quotes. But one thing he said that I love is, you know, don't wish things were easier. Wish you were better. Right? Because it's so easy to place blame on other people, or the government or the weather or our bank accounts or whatever or us, right? We're constantly placing blame instead, when you can accept responsibility for exactly where you are in life, without blaming anyone else. Just accept it. And understand that it takes a second to change a thought. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, it's it. And that's it. You know, and it's what you believe. And you know, it's just it Jim Rohn. One of my really one of my favorite quotes from him is your personal philosophy is the greatest determining factor in how your life works out.

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it's funny because this is I've got, I've got my little quote that I that I, when I saw that, I really like what, no, I can't speak Ralph Waldo Emerson, and I love this quote, the only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. And hey, we can all decide we decide to be bitter, twisted, people that detest everything, the glass is half empty all the time. Or we can choose to be people that look for the positive in life, even in tough situations. And be grateful for what we have, and look for ways to help share that gratitude with others help share our blessings. If you want to use that term, the things that we have, if we see somebody that needs a hand, give them the hand, don't say, if I give them a handout, what am I going to get back in return? And that that really changes your whole teaching your whole life when you do those kinds of things, even in even in tough times, like divorce, separation, loss of a loved one. loss of a job, you can still do some of that stuff. So, Ricky, this has been a phenomenal conversation. I feel so positive right now.

Oh, well, I'm so glad that I've done my job. Talking about

gratitude and happiness. Send forgiveness, I think helps to move us along that path. So all this information we covered what is the one key takeaway you would like people to remember when they stop the podcast and go on about their life?

Well, again, and I will circle back to examining your personal philosophy. I mean, when I heard Jim Rohn say that your personal philosophy is the greatest determining factor in how your life works out, I looked within and thought, What's my personal philosophy? Like? How many of us even ask ourselves that question, right? So really think about what your personal philosophy is, for me? It was I think everything happens for a reason. I just do now there are people who say, I can't buy into that, if that were the case, how could there be cancer? How could there be divorce? How could there be in the Holocaust, all of these horrible things? I totally get it. And so just to make it universally adaptable, let's just cross out the last three words, for reason, believing everything happens. Yeah. And from that point, it's 10%. What happens and 90% how you respond to it.

Love it. That's a great message. So Ricky, if people want to learn more about what you do connect with you. Maybe work with you, what's the best way for them to get in touch with you?

Thank you, Marty. So I'm really excited. I just launched my lifelong happiness inner circle. And I love that you mentioned Emerson's, quote, I even have it on one of my slides as as an example of a growth mindset. Yeah, cuz I talk a lot about growth mindset. But if people go to lifelong happiness.com, there's an invitation for a free demo call. Anyone is absolutely welcome to join. And, you know, I have a free 60 minute session where, you know, I can hear your story and kind of share maybe some thoughts for you. And I'm just kind of building this tribe of people who want to be happier, who want to be better and improve, or anyone can can get me at Ricky at lifelong happiness.com If you'd like to email