The 3 Core Fears That Are Preventing You From Experiencing Unstoppable Confidence

Welcome to Captivate and Close. I'm Kinsey Machos, business consultant and marketing strategist. And I'm going to show you how to attract and enroll high paying clients using my break through online marketing strategies, all without having to rely on complicated funnels, disingenuous clickbait, or spammy sales tactics. These are the messaging marketing and selling secrets that virtually no one is talking about. So let's dive in.

Guys, welcome back to another episode of captivating clothes. My most favorite guest with me, really just my co host at this point, Jenny Beecher say hey,

oh, hey, everybody. I'm so excited. I love your podcast. Thank you for thank you for bringing me on so much, because I love this. I can't wait to do more of these.

Yeah, Jenny and I spent have been spending a lot of time together with this week, particularly at the time of this recording. And we just ran another content lab. Which by the way, if you haven't done one of these, it's literally one of the best experiences ever, I believe. And we're not biased, like people are saying, like this free experience is better than like any paid mastermind or coaching program they've ever experienced. So if you guys haven't signed up, we're running one again. Soon. So go to Kinsey Microsoft comm forward slash content lab. So little shall go there. Um, but what I wanted to bring Jenny on because last week, we did our in person event, which was literally incredible. I mean, what can we say? Like we

it was so I mean, it was we cried, we laughed, My cheeks hurt from smiling. But at the same time, I'm like crying just connecting with other women when you feel so seen and other women feel seen, and it's creates a safe container of like, okay, why? Oh my gosh, it's there's no words, or

no, there is. I mean, all the emotions, right. And I think we get to serve the most incredible women. And I think we create, like, what I've noticed about the communities, we create the experiences we create, like, we really bring in the most incredible people. And it creates just such a fun dynamic of real and raw pneus. And part of that is our stories, the stories that we share. And Jenny shared, one of the topics that we talked about was confidence and fear. And if you immediately hear that and are like, Nope, that's not a problem of mine. Right, I want to just pause you there and just like Hold tight, because we had people in that room that were just getting started. And we had people that are, you know, making multiple, six figures and this story, that journey, this this topic that Jenny did so beautifully, really resonated with everybody in the room. And so it was important, I asked her if she'd be willing to come basically, like, redo this training so that we could bring it to the larger audience because I think it's so important, not just for women, but you know, for for female leaders who are stepping into their truth, and starting to really navigate right the inner workings of themselves and learn more about, you know, how past experience if past experiences have shaped them. And also what's stopping you from getting to the next level if you think it's having the right or wrong strategy. Like I'm just working to challenge you to think differently. But I, it's just such a fun conversation. So I'm Jenny, why don't you kick us off and just let us know even where this topic or this idea stemmed from when we were creating the agenda for the live event. Yeah,

awesome. And I love starting there because it's kind of a fun story just to track my mind. Because what I was thinking was like, what is going to serve these women? What are what do they keep bringing to us over and over again, that we can really talk about in the book. So of course, my mind goes to Oh, the fear of being an entrepreneur, the fear of being a woman and a mom and wanting to build a business at the same time. Like all that comes into that right? Like am I even allowed to and so I started thinking about that, but then my mind went to work focusing on fear only ever gets you more of the problem, right? Looking at something really hard doesn't make it go away. In fact, it eliminates your ability to see the opportunity around it. So then I thought okay, well what what's here, what what is here like for me, what have What fears have I overcome and it really just felt very, I felt very cold to share a little bit of my story and what I went through when I was younger And then also on top of that, how I have really built some things into my life that, you know, we're never going to get out of fear, we're never going to not have fear. But really what I what I've done like three things that I do, and I'll share them with your, after I share my story, but the three things that I also do to make sure that I am able to be confident and not fake that competence, you know, fake it till you make it and then like, actually be the woman that I was born to be. And it's really simple stuff. But I think it helps to understand like, what we're working with here, because nobody's had a life full free of fear or pain or trauma. And so so that's where it kind of came from. And I just felt like, Okay, people need some context, because like you said, it's easy to look at us, or anybody online and be like, of course, it's easy for her, her husband is so supportive, and their kids are healthy. And so like, What could she possibly have to overcome, or they seem like they have money, or she hasn't been divorced, or she's, you know, we put these we put other people through these filters. And so it's important to me always to really be transparent and share what I've been through. So yeah, so I'm excited to be on here today. And to just dive into that a little bit.

And I do before you dive in, I want to reiterate what you said, because I think even after that training, like a lot of people had shared that, like, it's so surprising, like Janee of all people because if you meet Jimmy whether online, and like think about your like for any of you that have seen her online, the just like, Jenny like has just this like like purple, a palpable confidence and energy about her and just really has that magnetizing effect on her audience. But imagine that in person, right? It's just like 10x. And people were very surprised to hear of like Jenny of all people like hot, like didn't didn't used to be confident and struggled with these things. And like, to your point, anything, it's so important in what Jenny and I are committed to continuing to bring these conversations to the market to the industry, because it's so freaking real. And it's it I think people are so quick to judge again, to your point of like, well, this didn't happen to them. So it's not possible for me, or whatever that looks like. And we just want to tell you that we all experience our own trauma, our own insecurities, our own whatever, and want to talk about those more. And, and, and, and yeah, though.

Yeah. I know. I feel like that could be a podcast right there. There's your nugget, we'll see. But it because it is so there's so much wrapped up in in perception, perceptions, especially of ourselves, but then also our perceptions of what's going on around us. And we love to have a good excuse why we can't why my why it's harder for me and you guys when Kinsey says like, and by the way, thank you for that. Like, that was like feeling this overflowing like wonderful introduction. And I love that hearing that that's like how you feel me? Because it's definitely not been me my whole life you guys want to we're talking about confidence. And the word empowerment, I didn't like, I don't even know that I ever heard that. Growing up, literally, I the word empowerment. I don't, and definitely not in context to a woman running a business. I didn't have that example or anything. And so, you know, to dive into my story a little bit, you guys I hated myself growing up, like, let me just say it wasn't like, oh, I had a hard time with this. Like, I wanted to die as a teenager. And the only reason I didn't is because I knew it would make my family more sad. And like not to just like jump in with the big guns there. But it was really true. And, and what that stemmed from was, you know, I'm one of four kids, and just who I am, how I was born. And I think birth order and all the things in life, my parents upbringing, everything brings into play, who we become as adults, and how that translated for me was I became very codependent, I could own the only emotion it was okay to feel in my position in the family was happy. And if you're not happy, we fix that we get happy real fast, because that's just move on. You know, also my family is extremely academic, judges, lawyers, people that were the Pentagon, PhDs, doctors. And so as a as a girl growing up, it was very much like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Do you want to be a teacher or a nurse? Or do you want to make a lot of money and be a doctor? Like, that's not how it was said to me, but that's how I perceived it. And shocker, I was born to be an entrepreneur, do things against the grain and so I didn't know that as a child. All I knew was I felt different. I felt different. I felt off I had people in my family that had high mental health needs. And so I just started to internalize that me Not wanting to be in the orchestra like everybody else in my field like me not wanting to be, you know, a brainiac, I didn't care about school, I was like the average student, not because I wasn't smart enough, but I just didn't really care when I apply myself. And it was just kind of like, like, these are kids and Jenny's the different one. And I felt like that was wrong. So by the time I was 1213, and I started riding a horse barn. So this whole time, all I ever wanted to do, you guys was be wild and free. I wanted to be wild and free, I wanted to ride horses, we lived in the suburbs, we didn't have nobody in my family was a farmer or had any access to this stuff. So it was a big ass. But my parents were amazing. And they let us each Do you know, one big activity that we wanted, and when I was five, I knew it was horses for me. And they dutifully found barns for me to write up. By the time I was a teenager, I had found this stable that did show horses and and like they, you know, you right in the circle used to sit a certain way. If you know, horses, you know, we can do about that all day long. But the nuts and bolts of it is it's it's very based on you know, having a lot of money, which we did not. And not for that particular thing. We were fine. But we didn't have that. So I kind of identified very quickly is like this poor barn girl. And, you know, it's really important to note that how we feel about ourselves is the magnet that the universe uses to bring people into our lives. And so at that time, I was, I was chubby. I was I had no friends, I mean, few friends, I was uncomfortable. In my home life, I felt so different. I felt wrong for being me. I just hated myself. I did. And here comes this horse barn situation. And guess what the people that were there. At first were very candid and charming and brought me in. And what happened was really, it turned into more than five years of really emotional and psychological abuse, I started working for $3 an hour for them when I was 13. And it quickly transpired into my whole life. And if and if you haven't been in a situation of this kind of control, what it really feels like is your identity becomes what these people think of you. And so that was a husband and a wife and his mother, so three people. And it was very much what they thought of me was my world. When they commented on how chubby I was, or my my composition, or that my boobs were coming in. That was how, you know it was so it was so inappropriate, but I internalized it, I would go with them to shows on the weekends that they wouldn't pay me because they were paying for my hotel room. And so that offset what they felt they should pay me to go clean all the stalls, do all that, you know, the grunt work, I was the dirty burn girl because that was how I identified and therefore they treated me like that. But they were always quick to come back. You're our God, you're our God, we love you. And we would be nowhere without you. You're our right hand girl. And you guys I lived for those comments. And I remember one time when I was 15. The man who owned this table, his name was Tim.

And we were at a show in a town about two hours away from where we lived. And I was always the one you know, interestingly enough that would ride alone in a truck with this man, which is highly inappropriate looking back. But the show hadn't gone the way anybody wanted it to. There hadn't been enough blue ribbons or whatever. And I was folding. I was folding towels because we had these bags where you put towels and some were for dirty towels and some are for clean towels. And I only remember this because of this situation. But I was putting them away and I must have put the clean towels in the dirty bag or their dirty bag had please something very small like that. And Tim came walking by. And you know when you know somebody while if you can tell when they're about to lose their shit. And he walked by, and I instantly just felt like I didn't want to be seen. I knew he was in a mood. I didn't want to take the brunt of it. And he turned on he looked at me. And he looked at the towels and he just laid it on me. He said You stupid BEEYOTCH he said, What are you doing? I cannot believe you cannot even get this right. What is wrong with you? If you can't figure out how to do this, you can walk home. And it was it was a it was a rant and there were people watching there I mean and I felt at the time like he was so right. I felt like I felt like what an idiot I put the towel like what have I not been paying attention what's wrong with me like oh my gosh, and now I made a mad I should have known that he was sensitive because These people lost their classes and he didn't get the blue ribbons. And now I'm making it worse. This is how internalized and how, how codependent, I was on the people around me. And I remember going to the bathroom and his wife followed me who was the only one that was sometimes kind of nice to me, like, behind the scenes. And she just said, oh, you know, he didn't mean it. He's just had a bad day. And she's kind of trying to make it better. And I just felt so much shame. And there were some, that stands out to me, because I think that was when I really realized like this is, I feel like that's not okay. But like, I'm still I'm still wrong. Like, I still have a lot of work to do off myself here. Like, what a what a terrible person. And this is about the time that I also quit. You know, I stayed there until I was 17 and a half. So I didn't ever really leave except because, you know, in that time I developed, I wished I could develop an eating disorder. Awful as that sounds, but it was the 90s Like, people were getting attention for being anorexic. And so I was like, well, it wasn't like an attention seeking thing. But it was like, if I could just figure out how to get that at least I would be thin and then they would be okay with me and how I looked, because if I'm thin, then I'll be accepted like that way. And I know that sounds worked. But if you are a woman, you probably know that internally that does register, especially in the 90s I don't know, it's like the Cindy Crawford world. And I don't know if you see me, but I'm a strong, athletic lady.

I'm Mike Kenny, I want your muscles.

I always joke I'm like, I could survive the Organ Trail on a saltine cracker and a Diet Coke. Like, I'm good. But but so but it was like this warped and it's kind of this body dysmorphia of you know, looking back I was not heavy, really understood, blossoming young girl. And, but I felt like there was something wrong with me. So I would not eat and not eat and not eat and then I would binge eat and I would not eat and not eat not invited binge eat, and then I would hate myself for that. And you guys, there was a period of time where I started self harming. And it was not good. Obviously. And you know, without going into detail, it obviously really pulled me even farther away from my family. So I went from kind of being the outlier to the obvious problem child, and which was, you know, sent to me by some of my siblings. They didn't mean it like that. But I was I was the reason mom and dad were crying. I was the reason you know, they couldn't understand how to fix me, because they had no idea any of this was going on. By the way. I was like, so obsessed with these people, I was never gonna say anything about them to my parents. And, and I just I remember finally quitting that barn, not because I realized that I deserve better, but because I kind of had to choose between upsetting my family anymore. And what I wanted, so I almost felt like I was sacrificing being at this barn. And when I ended up leaving there, you guys, the older lady, she was, uh, she was like hunched over, I still remember she was shorter. She had the short brown, crispy hair with gray in it. And she had ventures and a lot of times her denture cream would run down the wrinkles, like the creases of her mouth. And I just remember. So it felt like she was literally foaming at the mouth saying to me, and my mom, right, we're in there, we're moving all my stuff out. And because you know, you keep your boots and things like that there. And she was like you get out of here. You know, you are awful. We should have known we never could have trust you. You're horrible. I mean, you guys, the meanest thing she could think of to say she said to me, and my mom's mind is blown, because she's like, these people have always been so charming to me, what's going on around here? So I tell you guys like, and like, it was insane. And it took me a long time to even realize that that wasn't okay, you know, then I go home and in my family. It's like, we just don't talk about this stuff. So were you raped? Were you touched inappropriately like Well, no, you know, like, no, and it was like, okay, then we're glad you're out of there. Let's not talk about it. And I didn't know that, you know, so then I'm like, what do you do with that, you know, like, shame, shame, guilt, self hatred. And it's been so long ago now that I can speak with it and kind of have like an insulated bubble, where I feel like I'm not, you know, I can I can share this. And I think it's important that I share this not because it's like, oh, I went through this thing and look what I've done. But I share it because I had no idea how to be confident. I had never seen a female entrepreneur, like even heard those two words together. I thought that to be want to be pretty, was vain. To want to be wealthy was greedy. To own a business was to just try and find ways to swindle people money, people's money. And again, that's like the societal norm that I grew up in and then you have this weird situation I've somehow landed it. And I can see now how I'm grateful because it formed me, it gave me the opportunity to form into this person that I am now. And a lot of people don't take that opportunity, a lot of people crumble. And that's okay. But my story is different. And I'm grateful that I've done the work to get here. But I share it because when we're talking about the, the fears that come into building a business, and especially in this new way, right, like online coaching, service based industries, even products selling, like it's new, we're not setting up brick and mortar stores anymore. Um, there's a lot of fear that comes up. And you better believe for me, a lot of it's tied to that, and a lot of is tied to my family's perception of me, not in the forefront of my mind. I know, I don't even know how to talk to those people anymore. You know what I mean? Like, let alone I don't even know if they're still alive. So it's not like I'm actually afraid of it. But inside, there's a little girl inside me.

That still needs she that was going through all of that. And she still needs to be made safe, she still needs to, she still needs to know that nobody's going to jump out of the woodwork and throw the tablets in our face and say, What is wrong with you? Can you not see what a failure you are? And whoever you are listening to this, I know that there's something like that. And it might not be that specific or dramatic. Or maybe it's worse, in your past. And when we talk about fears and things coming up. A lot of it is tied to that. And I it's not about getting over it or being like oh, you know, I'm I'm that doesn't bother me anymore. Because it'll always be part of your story. But it's more about and this is like, well, we work on with our clients. But it's like, more about going in, and making sure that all the pieces of you are okay, so that as you're building that success, it's okay to move forward. And there's not somebody inside of you that's like, run away, you know, I'm so scared, I'm so scared. And so when you look at those three fears that we'll talk about in a second. And then the three things that I like to do to kind of keep myself on the outside of that, it's it's really important to really understand and embrace those pieces of you that went through those hard times.

Yeah, oh, my gosh, Jenny, I just want to thank you first for again, being vulnerable enough to share and open. And I think, again, it's so important, and although, you know, sometimes really reliving those experiences, right, it brings up, you know, the emotions and the feelings and but there's so much to be learned in those in those shared experiences. Because like you said, maybe our listeners haven't experienced something that traumatic or on the opposite side, way, way worse, right? We have to understand that where we are today, right? Is the shaping of right, our past experiences, which include both positive and negative, but most often we don't understand, right? How even the most small minute sort of trauma, right has shaped how we think, feel and behave. And entrepreneurship is like you don't know, you may not know this yet. But entrepreneurship is going to make you address those things. And if you don't, and there's just so much here that we could unpack, but at the end of the day, basically if you're not willing to sort of uncover those things and work through them and go deeper with yourself, like entrepreneurship will never be at the depth that most likely you want it to be. And I can I can resonate with even as it progresses, like, the more that I learn about myself, and then like, Oh, I'm this way because of that one time that I did it. I'm like, Oh, no wonder I'm like pushing people away. Because does it right. And I have learned so much and it's so beautiful, but it's really, really painful and messy at times. And I think it's just equipping you all with the awareness and just being open to learning. And being able to you know, reframe, process, navigate, whatever the last thing we want you to do is see that, you know, you know, be unaware and then worse, like, suppress, suppress those. Yeah,

because that's when we get on to that. That's so beautiful. And thank you for like, like encapsulating that because I think that's where we run into that imposter syndrome. The not enough Ness like I need to try and be more like these people. I'm not doing this right I need more practice. I need more anything right? We've also I need more money. I need more time. I need a more supportive husband. I need more experience any more testimonials. I need more certifications. So that one yeah, I feel like we're the same twice. But we but we run into that. And that's, that's where it's kind of coming up. They it does for all of us. And really like you're saying entrepreneurship, you guys, we say over and over again, your business growth is a reflection of your personal growth and your choices to lean into that which terrifies you. You know, unless it's like sharks don't lean too much into that. But you know what I mean? Like, entrepreneurial scares, it's so much more risky, right, than just having a job. And not the jobs are easier. I'm just saying it's more risky, because you're putting yourself out there. And then not everybody understands that. And so the opportunity there is for you to really understand that. Yeah, so understand yourself.

100%. Yeah, we could park here all day long. Let's share some nuggets. But I would love for it. Like, let's give our listeners some tangibility around what these fears are what you see the most in the clients that we serve, and that you know, the general audience that we've been observing, and then to your point, how to navigate them.

Absolutely. So I'll start with the three fears. And again, this is something to know, but not focus on because you're never going to get over your fear. We joke about like, get over it. But like you, it's always there to serve you. So I tell you these, because it's just helpful. We're literally taking what you have, and we're putting it on the table. Do I want to keep eating this? Okay? The three fears. The first one is the fear of judgment. Right? It could be the fear of judgment also looks like the fear of being seen or being exposed, right? So obviously, in my story like is that I'm waiting for somebody to come walking in the door, throw towels, maybe like we know who you are, you're awful. And that's, that will always be a voice that I'm checking in with, right, like, hey, there that is and I get to I get the opportunity to reassess that. So for you, what's that look like? What's that fear of judgment fear of being seen? What does that look like for you? And how is that showing up? I think is a really big question that we need to ask ourselves.

Yeah, it's funny, because like, I see in this, even this imposter syndrome, like it's so heavy and like, I think people think it goes away once they accumulate a certain years of experience, or like you said certain certifications, but like, it never goes away. And take it from both of us who are you know, several years into this and lots of experience, certifications, right. But it's just new levels and have those same feelings. Or we were just having a conversation with a client and she she's a coach, but she actually just got hired a corporation reached out to her and asked her to consult, she's a parent coach, and they asked her to consult for their, like, for their, for their costs their customers, and like, hired her for this consulting gig. And she's like, went on the high of like, oh, my gosh, like, this is so cool. And then immediately was like, Oh, my gosh, what if they figure out I'm not an expert. And it's so real. And of course, like, she was sort of kidding, but not because it is like, how many of you get hired by somebody? And then you have that immediate high of like, yes. And then you're like, oh, my gosh, what if I don't get the results? Oh, my gosh, what if they figure me out? So it's so real. It's so real. It never goes away? I think you just learn how to not you see it, you're able to see it really quickly for what it is and then navigate it.

Yeah. And I think that's to where we feel a lot of you know, we were just talking in our content lab that we did this week, and a lot of people were like, well, I'll feel confident when I know that I can answer every question, right? I need to be judged as enough, I need everybody to see that I'm not going to make a mistake. And so that's where that kind of thing comes in there. And just being aware that is so huge. But a lot of what we're just talking about two also feeds into the second thing. So the number two biggest fear that we see is this fear that I will not be enough or I'm not ready. Right? So first of all, being seen like that. Second of all, actually realizing that there's like somebody that comes out with a little sign, you know, this is like, you're not ready, which doesn't happen. But in our minds, we we haven't survived that situation yet. So like, especially as you're starting, or when you're scaling up, or you're raising your prices, or you've got a new offer coming out this will sometimes we get isn't enough. Whoops, should I have done this better? And it can be really, really deep to where you're like great. I did all the work. I got a client, oh my gosh, what if? What if they get through the program and they're like, it wasn't that great, right? That all manifests from I'm not enough. And this can also show up in my when we're really over delivering for free or a low prices. That's also where that where that will show up to because it's like I need proof. I need proof that I'm enough. And so just Again, we're not debunking your fears totally. We're just letting you see them. And you get the opportunity to debug them that yourself, right? Because we can sit here and tell you to be confident in your grade all you want. But if you're not going to decide to, that's cool, but that's your decision. But looking at it, where do you feel like you're not enough? Where do you end? You might not even you might not even that might not even be the right question. And I've heard some people be like, I'm so tired of this phrase here enough, because it like is so vague, and I get that. But what we're saying specifically here is in the context of your business, you do not need to prepare any more to be able to get out there and start doing your thing, period. Unless you were just born two days ago, and you're a baby, you what you are not. You are ready for this, right? You have life experience, regardless of all the coaching and work and career experience that you may or may not have. You are ready. And that's what I mean, when I say you are enough, but you're still gonna feel that fear.

This is good. I mean, we see this stall out people all the time, and we just coach somebody through this. They're like, what do I need to build first in order to launch my program? And we're like nothing, right? Just share it just like, yeah, like, oh, I have so much to say that. That but you don't need any more than what you already have to go out and help people and make a living for yourself. Yeah. And, and this is huge. When you when you pry, like you said, when you're charging too low, right? It goes back to how you see yourself in the value that you're placing on yourself. And feeling like I'm not enough, and so I need to charge lower prices. So people will say yes, yeah. Which leads to the ultimate burnout.

Oh, my gosh, so good. So good, and so true. And so the third fear is I know, I'm like, oh, gosh, I kind of want to keep going on that, but will in essence of time, who I feel like these could all be their own podcast episode. The third fear is the fear that it will change you or like the fear that it will be too much for me, or how can I possibly keep this busy life that I have an ad 10 clients and this and really what that is happening there when you're having that fear? Is is really sitting down and looking at what are you what are your expectations of yourself, and where are you willing to shift and change. So this comes from really that fear of, I need to keep life as it is now I'm going to hang on to this rung of the monkey bar. And I'm going to swing to the next one. And I'm going to use my toes to try to grab the next one because I don't want to let go of what I know. Now, you know, and this could come up, a lot of this money mindset comes up here, because we can all say we want to make $100,000. But if we feel like that might put us we might miss manage it. And then we're stuck trying to make all this money because we just blew it all or whatever that fear is there. Or you could have the fear that's like, my family's really I grew up really poor. And if I start making too much money, they might judge me there can be those deep seated fears there. But that fear of change is legit, because you guys, if you haven't survived being a millionaire, yet, that's gonna feel dangerous to your psyche. And I know that sounds crazy, but you look at every single lotto winner, and a large portion, there's a bunch of different percentages out there, but a very large portion of them end up either going bankrupt or right back to where they were, because it wasn't safe for their identity to live at that level of income. Right. So this is where that work comes in to become an entrepreneur that personal growth equals early business growth has a lot to do with the money mindset and the fear that it will change me when I'm successful, or it will change my life too much when I have a lot of busy booming business is a big one that we see holding people back.

Yeah, and I think there's this Yeah, the identity piece is so huge, I get another thing we could park all day on. And this can I think you address some probably the some of the more popular ones, I think where and I want to share where this come has come up for me because it might be also resonate with some people. But this is what I realized is that because of my upbringing and my childhood, like I was in a constant state of chaos, or overwhelm or stress. And so that's just how that's always pushed me into achievement and work ethic. So I've always had really good work ethic and have always worked hard and have always created an environment where it's higher stress. And I've noticed that anytime there isn't stress or isn't chaos or isn't overwhelmed, I like freak out and I realize I create it and kind of subconsciously almost. And as I've learned this, like I've realized I've had to let go. Even though I thought I have let go of sort of this traditional mindset around like the corporate world of like you have to work harder to make more money. I think I've consciously let go of that but my behaviors are still in Like, if I don't work, if I'm not always working, or if I'm not feeling stressed, that means I'm not growing, I'm not making money or whatever. And so that changed that identity shift I've had to really work on and really find calm or find comfort in the calm and peace, which for some people are like, that's crazy. But some of you might might resonate with this. And that realization was like, Holy shit, right? Like, I'm like, subconsciously creating chaos in my life, because of right how I have just the surroundings and what I have always known, but it goes back to identity and change. So that was, that's so

powerful. And I think you sharing that probably resonates I know resonates with me, because I'm like, Yes, we, you do, like, new levels, new opportunities for growth, I challenges opportunities for growth. I'm, I'm an extreme optimist when it comes to my language. So I'll say it like that. But you could say new problems if you want to go negative, but there's new awareness, and like you're saying, it's like, I know, it's good for me to rest. And this is like that fear of change comes in because there's, it's not like, you're wake up in the morning, and you're like, Oh, I'm scared, my life will change today. No, it's like, I'm gonna go do these great things. But it comes in these tiny minute choices that we make the tiny choices to check our phones, when we're watching a movie with our kids, or, you know, just taking our computers on vacation, and we're not gonna use it that much. But then actually kind of spending a little bit more time than we should on it or whatever it is. That ability to feel calm within our within our normal day is challenge when you get up to a certain level or not even for a certain level, that's the wrong way to say I think for just a certain type of person. And it doesn't mean you're more successful, or you're not. But like you said, it's like oh my gosh, that keeps coming up. So I love that you just share that. So go

to soak it. Oh my gosh,

you know what,

we're only nice, haven't already noticed, I say so good all the time, our podcast team was like, these are Kinsey's highest frequency words. And we learned that at the event, and so that was sort of the same, so good anyway. So tell us how to move Yeah, we don't need to talk about so goodness, all the time. I mean, um, so we have these, like you said, we're not here to tell you not to do these things. It's the awareness around these fears. And knowing that, especially the work that Jenny does, like the deep, deep rooted stuff, and also just what we've been seeing in our audience, and our plans, like, these are ultimately the things that are either selling people out preventing people from creating true lasting impact and income and tripping people up. So how do you on the other side of that, like, Well,

yeah, okay, this is, this is so fun. So this is what I love. Because we all love a good list of things to like, do, I, when I give list of things to do, they're usually a little shorter, I like we're all busy, we don't have time for like, Okay, here's these 10 things to insert into your day to make sure you're confident, like, just check that. But these are three things that I personally focused on, right, these aren't necessarily things you're doing, but just keeping it the forefront of your mind that are going to help you with keeping those fears in place, like recognizing they're trying to protect you. But then also stepping forward in confidence and courage with like a said, all those pieces of you feeling like they're safe, like it's okay, you've got agreement from all the little parts of you from your past, that are like, Alright, we're ready to take a step forward with you. And so the first thing that I do, too, you know, for to keep it short to build your confidence is impeccable self care. And what I mean by this is not necessarily massages and manicures and taking baths. However, those are nice things. And if that's what really feels you please do that. But what I really mean by this is, how do you talk to yourself? And how do you treat yourself? Okay? How do you feed your body? How do you move your body? Do you respect yourself? Right, are you You know, I told you, I was not respecting myself because those eating patterns lasted well into my 20s where I would like eat an Oreo for lunch. And then I like cuz that was healthy. I know. It was worked, whatever. And then like a hot dog for dinner, because somebody told me that was on the keto diet, but like that was not respecting. You know, but that was but what are you doing? Every day that you can say, yep, that's I do that because I respect myself. And can you catch yourself on the things that you're doing? That don't when you're pushing yourself to go without sleep when you're Yes, yes, yes to everything. When you think that you are the only person in your household who can do things right like well, the dishwasher. I'm totally talking to myself on that, by the way because it's very hard for me. It's very hard for me, but there is a right way to vote. flusher Did you know, but those little things I have to do at all? You know? Are? Is that self care? Is that actually taking care of yourself so that you can rocket fuel yourself forward create that velocity in your life? Or are you doing things that decrease your energy decrease? You know how you're talking to yourself? How you're fueling yourself, you know, are you drinking water? You guys, it's so everything, but it's the small things, right? These are not like, the giant things that we set out to do. I'm gonna meditate for an hour a day, like, you don't have to do that to have impeccable self care. But you Your Life, Your World does not exist without you. And so we have to stop this kind of culture of martyring ourselves, for our families in our businesses. The cool busy badge, the hot mess, express like to fit in club like, listen, we all get there, and I'm the queen of it, but it's not what's making me good. You know what I mean? So I don't but that's a lot. Tell me if that makes sense. Could see or if I need

to, oh, I love this. And I think people might hear self care and be like, Oh, I've heard that before. But there's a reason. And, and, and it's the basic necessities. And I think check yourself because I think people overlook, it's like they want to build this empire or create this business. And yet, they're not sleeping, they're not eating well, they're not taking care of what you call, I think like the best soul of the business, especially if you're a solopreneur right now. And so if you're overcompensating your results by working harder, and like, Oh, when I am making more money, then I'll make more time to go to the exercise, or whatever. Like that is so awful. And hamster wheel here too. Like I I have well into my late 20s Like just couldn't understand just basic like, eat well move your body sleep, right. It was always like the next best diet or like, over exercising like spending hours at the gym because I needed to burn every single calorie that I ate that day. Right? So like, it's not just the the things right? It's how you see yourself and and the parameters around that as well. Like if you're if you have unhealthy guidelines, then that's that's just as so

so that yeah, bottom line, know your levels. What can what know your levels and know your needs, right? It's not about living perfect in homeostasis, where you're like floating through life, and always have time to like, go watch the flowers breathing back at you or anything like that. But it is about just knowing yourself. And yes, there are times where we're freaking tired and rundown. But you got to know how to handle that.

So good, Jenny. So I love how I frame it. Because it's about it. What is it like? Like, define what that looks like for you? Again, it's not about taking spa days or whatever. I mean, you could if you want. How are you doing? Have your mind body and spirit?

Yeah, yeah. And get in? Let that be okay. And then that's for you, too, by the way. So alright, the second one is to be hyper aware of your greater calling. So what did God promised to the world when you were born? I know we've said that before on here. And I think I originally heard that on another. I can't remember who it was. But it's the most beautiful question to put into somebody. Because you were not born. And this is like, Hold on before you throw things at me. But you are not born just to be a mother and take care of other people at the expense of yourself. You also were not born to just do your business, right? This is way bigger. I know is like business coaches and strategist and deep coaches would be so great, and we can sell you so much. I'm like you were born to do this job and like, invest in all the business things but that's not us. That's part of it. It's part of who you are. But the two questions that I love here for when you're being hyper aware of your greater calling is, is you know, number one, what what were you? What are you born to do you know, and it's not a thing don't get caught up in like, Oh, I was born to hike Mount Fuji Fiji, okay, that was bad example. I don't even know my mountains. But but it is a knowing a feeling. For me. For example, I know that while I was not born with some amazing dream to win a championship at something or be you know, have a specific thing that I just feel like it's in my bones to do. I do know that I was born to help people bring clarity, focus on peace into their lives. And I do it in a way that supports high level women, actually, well, women all across the board who are navigating this as well. But that's that's what For me, it's not a thing. And so when I'm looking at that, how am I living that out as a woman? How am I living that out? As a mother of a daughter? I have a daughter. How do I want her see me? I have lots of nieces. I have girlfriends, sisters, friends. Am I walking that out? In my day to day choices? Or am I just working my ass off? Because I love to work my ass off. By the way, I'm from the Midwest, I'm a farm girl like you give me 24 hours a day, I'm gonna get 25 hours worth of shit done. That's just what I do. It's a hard habit to break. But that's not my calling. my calling is not to go outside and just like beat myself up. So good, Jenny,

I think this higher calling I think initially, it can feel overwhelming. And I think even the pressure on yourself is like, what is my calling, but sometimes it like, what would you say to people that are like, No, I don't know what that looks like.

That's okay. You don't? Yeah, that's okay. What does it feel like to you? And I and my, you know, my therapist actually asked me, she said, How would you rate yourself right now at being a woman because I was just struggling a while ago, with some things and I was all over the place with all the hats spinning all the plates doing all the things? And it's been some time now. But that question really stuck with me. Because to me, I think when you ask yourself that as you're listening to this, it's different for everybody. You know, and and I think it's sort of in the same vein, but you don't have to have an answer with words. For this piece. I think that's the biggest thing. We want to sit down and like, journal it out. And like, vision, board it or mood board it or whatever the hot board is at the time, like whatever. No, it's about the feeling. And I talk about this all the time. What feeling do you want to have at the end of the day? What feelings you know, when you help somebody when you step into service and out of the mind, drama of business and relationships in life? What are the feelings that when you have them you're or that you know, what is it that when you have those feelings that you're just like, wow, okay, like that was? That was the good stuff in life. Okay, don't get caught up in the language of it. But understand that this is there's more, I guess there's what that number two goes to is the perspective piece, you know, and I

think exploration like give yourself permission, or that don't just sit with it, like, be it like, go out and go and practice it. Like have fun with it.

Oh, my goodness, you know? Yeah, yeah, I think it's just we could I could go on and on about that. I think I told a story about a little baby on an airplane on my way home from Boise last weekend. And it was just like this baby was so in love with the lights that were on the airplane, you know, the little tiny little light they give you to read with and it's just poking and poking it and I mean that 15 minutes and it was just too late, you guys, we never you still have that ability for on wonder in your life now. Just don't don't feel like it's when we put pressure on ourselves to habit to experience it. I'm going to go outside and have an abundance walk and I'm going to manifest greatness and I'm gonna work really hard at it. I'm gonna do it freakin right. And it's really kind of like babies are coming into the world like white knuckling things like I'm gonna find so much joy like you have that in

comparison, though, and I think you're at for keywords perfectionist, which we work a lot with. If it is that it's like, oh, I need to meditate for an hour then I need a journal then I'll be ready. And then I need to design this perfect, careful piece of content is like, all it's like ripping their business but no judgement. It's just be bringing that to Jenny's point like, let go surrender and define in this. Yeah. Oh, so good, Jenny. Good.

It's like, so good. I know. And by the way, if you're going to hashtag that please type Kinsey and I because it's owned now. Alright, so the last one is to really help step into that confidence is, and this is the most important one to me personally, constantly cultivate the environment that you're in your environment will make or break you. I am a farm wife. We farm 3000 acres of corn every year and I have a garden and I know the importance of good dirt we live to make sure that the soil is okay because if you put a seed in the ground and it's too cold, it's too wet. There's too much junk in there. There's not going to let it grow. There's not been properly tilled, it's the wrong time of year. It's not going to grow. Right and and what we what happens is when you don't allow the seed, which is you are all seeds, right? You and your dream to have the right environment. The food doesn't grow, right, the corn doesn't grow and what happens when the corn doesn't grow is nobody eats Right. So you have to remember that when we say you are the conduit for positive, wonderful change in this world, whatever it is that you're doing or selling, I can tell you that right now. Yeah. And in order to do that, you need to make sure that that that environment that you're in, is healthy. And that you guys means your home. Is it do when you walk into your home? Does it just feel heavy, because you've got so much clutter? Like your physical environment? What does that look like, you know, spring for the cleaning lady spring for the person to help with her laundry, whatever that's going to take. But also the environment of your relationships is really important. And you can see in that story that I told you earlier, I'm not while I was growing in that environment, except for shame, you know. And now, I have, especially as I've obviously grown, especially the last 1112 years that I've really been doing this work on myself to become the woman that I am today to allow for the first I'm going to become anything, I've just taken off these layers that I've put on over my life, but allow this real fun, playful person that you see before you to come out. And all of that, I've also realized that a lot of people from my past people I grew up with don't understand that and that's okay. But in order for me to cultivate that environment, I have to be okay with loving them where they're at, they don't they're not on my journey. And that's okay. You know, marriage is a struggle, too. And I'm definitely not that person sitting here. I love my husband, and he's the most amazing man. But I will also never say like, I will never sugarcoat it and say that, like, it's always easy. And he's the one cheering me on, like, he just isn't in this world with me, business wise, and that that takes growing too. And so understanding how I need to cultivate my environment, who I need to have key players, when I'm in the business mode, I'm talking to people I can see I've got this great coaching community is like, this is where I come in, I grow. And then you know, how do you cultivate that in your own personal relationships to is really, really important, but physical environment, making sure you've got the time and the space that you need to grow is that is huge.

So good. And it's just like the, oh, you actually I wrote it down. But I don't have the notebook, when you were making the reference about the seed and the soil, and the harvest. You had decided, like if the soil is shit, the world starves. And it's sort of like taking two extremes. It was something in reverse. I wish I had it, but it was taking two extremes. And although that feels extreme, understanding that all those dots connect. And when you take that in correlation to your life, and thinking about the little minute decisions you make and in relation to who you spend your time with, what you spend your time thinking about, where like your surroundings, like if you think that doesn't impact how you create the results you have or don't have, like do the CES, Jenny. That's, I just think you demonstrate that so beautifully by even like leveraging, you know, the the farm and understanding that that right? The the insane amount of time that goes into right nurturing the harvest, and all the work that's required in the perfect elements. And not to say that you have to perfect everything about your life, but it's really in tune to write how the noise impacts you and both like physically, emotionally, mentally.

Yeah, yeah. And there's so much there, because we feel so connected to people, we don't want to hurt people's feelings, and it's so much easier. And people please, you guys, I mean, obviously, hopefully, you get the point that it was really easy for me to just literally chameleon myself to what people need. I mean, and, and but it doesn't, it doesn't serve you and when you're not served. And this is going to hurt, you're not going to be the parent that you want to be, you just you won't, you are only capable of fulfilling of showing up for others at the level that you show up for yourself. That's emotionally that's in your environment, and your kids are watching you too. And so that might be a little bit painful and be like, I'm working so hard. You know, I'm just surviving this marriage, I'm surviving this, you know, crazy time in business and I hate it but like, I'm gonna get a good like all the drama that goes into it. Okay, but that's what we're putting out there. It doesn't have to be that way. And I think that's my favorite thing about what you and I do together can be it's like that helping people realize you can be successful and calm. You can have a powerful, profitable business and be freaking present with your kids and not work 40 hours a week. You know, there's that and that you can create but it really does take that that constant awareness it's not about being perfect you guys my life is so far from perfect and I say these things, looking at myself in zoom like Jenny, don't forget that Like, hey girl through, don't run yourself into the ground today, because it's not something that you're like, Oh, I've learned that. And now I'm going to be like Gandhi and just never have to worry about it again, it is going to show up the second you turn off this podcast. So if that's okay.

That's okay. This is so, Jenny, I feel like we could talk. I feel like a couple of different variations of this, because we could go so deep on all of these concepts, but I think this gives people just that tangibility around Okay, here's why I'm probably feeling this way, right? Here's why I'm probably avoiding these things. Here's what's probably happening inside of me that's creating right outside results, or lack thereof, and then what to consider instead how to place yourself in the right environments, how to take care of your mind, body spirit, right, and really, really lean into what you're being called to do in this world. Like, so beautiful to me. Yeah, so beautiful. And when you shared this last week, like it just shook everybody in such a good way. And, and the gift that you bring to the world and our audience, our clients, like, it's just so valuable. And I'm just so grateful for you and your incredible brain and your beauty and all of it. I'm just so lucky to do business with you.

I'm so grateful for you, too. And you all are just gonna have to sit and listen to a lot stuff for a second here because Kinsey is you guys like, there's some major epic stuff coming. And I just like, it's because of the work that we've done. And the messes, we allow ourselves to be at times thinking you just are such, what you the platform you've created here. Like it's, there's so many people that need to hear this. And in fact, I would love and challenge anybody that's listening to this, to screenshot this episode, and share it. But also let us know your biggest takeaways, because that was a lot that we just kind of crammed in there. But we would love to know because we want to make sure we go deeper into the stuff too, that you guys that you guys are really needing to hear. So

and of course, if you're not in 10k content collective, what are you waiting for? head in there, if you are coach, consultant service provider, and really stretching for that 100k Or even above, you know, yeah, I mean, it's the best place to be our community of women is credible. We've been having so much fun. And once you join 10k content collected, you get access to your On Demand training, which is going to show you everything you need to know to be successful online. And it doesn't involve shiny bandaid strategies that are here today and gone tomorrow. You also get access to your weekly life coaching schedule, where you get access to Jimmy and I every week, and then you get access to the community, you get access to the incredible leaders that if you talk about environment, right talk about a place where you completely elevate yourself in your business. And then you get access to our monthly collectives where we just pull all of our highest converting content and show you how to use it yourself. So get in there can do macros.com forward slash 10k Jenny, thank you so much for being here. You guys. If you're following me on Instagram head over there, it's at Jenny doc Beecher. And Go Giver of follow and all the likes all the shares. But thank you again say hey,

oh, thank you so much for for letting me share today. So find

out. Alright guys, have a wonderful day and we'll talk to you next time.

Bye.