My ADHD Diagnosis

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Hey, you, welcome back to another episode of Captivate and Close. So good to be here with you today. I hope you're having such a great week. I have this Yeah, this conversation today is much more personal. But it also is very business II, if you will, because of how everything really connects. And so I wanted to really open up with you about this, I've started to share about this on the socials. And I realized how big of a topic this is. Nobody is talking about it as much. And I as you know, I want to provide that space to really talk about the real shit. So today, I want to talk about my ADHD diagnosis. And what's cool is, I recently have even though I've, you know, had this diagnosis for years, which I'll talk about the journey of that particular piece. I've had it for a while, but I have only recently come out of the closet, if you will, to talk about it. And since doing so I have had a flood of people coming into my DMs and my messages and my emails, just continuing to validate that this needs to be talked about. And my story has been very validating and affirming to many women, and not just in the struggles but also just saying, oh my gosh, I was diagnosed to as an adult and you know all these things in their personal challenges with ADHD. And so I was like, of course, we need to bring this to the podcast. And I want to continue to weave this in. Because if you are an entrepreneur, and by the way ADHD is, is very high in a lot of E a lot of entrepreneurs are also have ADHD is what I'm learning. And so there is no way that these two things can not coexist when you think of ADHD and entrepreneurship. So again, it is a personal story of mine. But I've had to really adapt accordingly in order to run a well oiled machine that is high profit, and also doesn't suck the life out of me. And so I want to continue to, again, bring this into the conversation, because because it is real life, it's a personal story to me. But what I realized is it's a lot of women's personal stories as well. And so the more that we can create community around that, I think the more that we can be granted that permission to just be who we are, and stop resisting that, which is basically the sum of my ADHD story. But if I were to take this way back, I want to start with my childhood.

So, I never really excelled at any one thing, whether that was academically or even athletically. My family will always joke with me like I am super. I'm just not athletic. But and you know, that's fine. I'm good at other things. I have no problem admitting that. But growing up, it was sort of I started to really notice where I was a little bit different. And so it was just little things like I didn't retain information I didn't, I thought I always considered myself as someone that didn't have a good memory. I had high test anxiety. So I would do really, really bad intent on tests. I never was really super passionate about anything. And so the drive wasn't there. And you know, you could mistake that for being lazy or dumb, but that was sort of a summary of like, if I think about middle school and high school specifically, I just sort of blended in because of this idea that wasn't extraordinary. And you know, which is obviously a lie, but it was because of these beliefs around not being super good at something.

I was just kind of like mediocre so I wasn't failing I never failed I had decent grades right? But when I went into college, the like some of these things started to become more prevalent, especially when it You know, I had to work harder to, you know, study and really retain, you know what I was learning so I could try to apply it. And it was a challenge. It was definitely a challenge. But what had happened is when this sort of thing came to head was, after I had my, we had had our two kiddos. And so I remember being a little bit earlier on in, I would say, like mid 20s. My daughter at the time was probably, I want to say like, pretty young, still between six months and a year maybe. And I noticed a lot of those things starting to carry over into my career. So thankfully, even though I was initially a college dropout, you know, if you haven't heard my story, you can go way back to the podcast when it was initially launched girl. And you can hear about a little bit of my story of, you know, a very non traditional life, if you will. But I had gone back to college, I did online, and I was able to complete my undergrad and started my career. But that's when I started to really notice that these things were impacting me professionally, right, I wasn't remembering things. I had a little bit of a harder time, like connecting the dots. And then as our life got Fuller, right, those things just become exacerbated, like, I couldn't stay organized.

It was harder for me to sort of, you know, stay focused, my distraction levels are really through the roof. And so there did come a time where I noticed my space Enos like, my level of daydreaming almost right was super high. And it started to become dangerous, because it happened when I would be driving. And so I was like, enough is enough, like, I need to go and see somebody about this. So I went and saw a psychiatrist. And that was when I got the diagnosis of ATD, or ADHD, whatever. And that was really surprising because again, I was mid 20s, all I knew about a DD or ADHD at the time, was that, you know, the normal stigma around it, which is like hyperactivity, you know, impulsivity, you know, those, like standard sort of symptoms of that. And so I was like, what, like the thinks no sense. And so I started to understand a little bit and connect the dots of like, okay, this might be true, but I wasn't in this space yet that I could sort of, or even had the confidence, if you will, to advocate for my health or do my own research. I just sort of took her took her recommendation, and got the medication for it.

So she's like, Okay, you're ADHD, this is what this looks like, here's the medication we can try. I was like, Okay, well, long story short, the medication was really awful for me at the time. So what I noticed was like, Yeah, I was super dialed in, during the day. And I was like, Oh, this was, this is what it feels like to be a normal human who can like focus and like, get stuff done and complete tasks without the overwhelm. But what happened is the rebound effect, and this is pretty common with these stimulants is like when you sort of die off of them, or when they when you come off of them at the end of the day, and they start to wear off, you have a rebound effect, which is mostly impacted, which mostly impacts you emotionally. And so I was like, really aggravated, I was so angry, I was so emotional, I would like find myself crying hysterically for no reason. And I was like, what like, Is this even worth it? Like, I don't know. But what happened actually was I, I had a hard time sleeping. So even though the stimulants to technically wear off, it does impact you in your sleep. And so when I expressed this to the psychiatrist, in my follow up, she had prescribed me something for sleeping. And before I knew it, I was like taking these medications that I just felt like were band aids for whatever. And I came to a point where I was like, I can't, I don't really feel like myself anymore. I noticed some improvements, like I said, during the day, and my focus and my energy and my drive and my motivation. But like what I was experiencing on the other side of that was not worth it anymore. And so I just went cold turkey, well, you know, they wean you off of the medications, especially those sleeping pills. And

I decided to just self manage, and what that looked like at the time, I still again, didn't have sort of the awareness or the capacity to even know that I could, you know, I didn't even know it was an option for me to like, try these different things. And I think looking back, I think the one thing that sort of kept me stuck was not even buying into the idea that I had ADD, I think I had sort of convinced myself by the end The bad that that's not even a thing. And I think because of the society, even, you know, traditional stigma around it, I even started to reject that I had ABV altogether. And so I just decided, you know, I'm just busy. You know, I had also entered a master's program at the time, my husband was deplane, you know, so I was taking care of two kids working full time going to graduate school. And I just chalked it, I continue to chalk it up at the fact of like, I'm just so busy. This is why this is happening. It will figure itself out when things you know, quote, unquote, calm down, which we all know, like things net, you know, tomorrow is never a better day where things will calm down, we all know that. But again, I was just younger, and our life was full. And I didn't know enough at the time. And so for many, many years, I would say probably six to seven years, I sort of just a rejected the idea and be started to notice more of how I was different, but still rejecting the idea that I was add. And then what happened was, I started to carry a lot of guilt and shame.

So it was simple things like forgetting to do things or, you know, forgetting to show up at performances, or forgetting to contact the school to, you know, freaking, you know, order the yearbook or not staying organized at work. And like by that time, I was starting to manage really large scale initiatives, and I was dropping balls. And and again, I still in that in that moment, I didn't accept the fact that yeah, it's because your brain is literally not wired to be able to handle those things. And so I just started to believe things about myself that were not true, right? Well, you're just not worthy of being success, or you're just not good enough, or you're just not trying hard enough. And so what that what happened from that I was like, starting to work harder, I was trained to try it, you know, I was trying harder, and then doubt myself at the end of each day of like, what was actually possible for me. So I went, I spent many years in, in that space. And what changed for me was when I started to go see a therapist, so I've seen, you know, counselors and therapists most of my life. But this one particular therapist came at the exact time that I needed her to, and it was for, you know, other areas in my life. But what's such a blessing is she has a brain health certification. So she knows a lot about ADB. And she works with a lot of people that have, you know, similar diagnoses. And what came of that is, like really, sort of revisiting this idea of my diagnosis and accepting it, which, on one hand, felt a little overwhelming. But on the other hand, it was like so liberating, to really just 100% accept the fact that, like, my brain is different. And I need to do things differently. I need to set myself up for success differently. Like, I needed to do things differently, instead of rejecting this idea that like, yeah, your brain is different. And like being okay with that, you know, I just created so much more resistance and overwhelm and shame in my life that really didn't need to happen. But you know, I don't judge myself for it.

I didn't, you know, I only knew what I knew, and I did what I could with what I had, but through this turn of events, and CMS therapists and starting to talk out loud about this diagnosis and learning more about it, I started to read a book and it's called Healing ADD. And it's through Dr. Ayman, who also runs the Amen Clinics all over the nation and, and I just started to dive in, you know, I'm a little bit older by this point, I'm, you know, in my early 30s, so I'm much more further along in the personal development journey, and just like, again, more confident in my own advocacy and my, you know, kids, you know, advocating for my kids and things like that. And so these things just were coming more natural, naturally to me as far as what I wanted to learn what I needed to learn, and what I was willing to do to really shift my lifestyle in order to support my brain. So since then, I have really, again, kind of been on this journey of studying it and immersing myself in it and then really paying attention to myself and how it's showing up in my life and what I need to do to be able to perform at the at the level that I want to because what's interesting is this therapist came into my life right when I started my business and so even though it was really hard to manage my add in, you know, the lifestyle that I was as far as like kids, you know, marriage in in a career, everything in fancified when that responsibility fell on me from an from a professional standpoint, when I'm running my own business, if you're not organized in corporate, like, definitely not going to be organized in entrepreneurship and, or if it's, you know, I should say, if you're having a hard time staying organized, you know, in corporate, you know, you're not definitely have a hard time staying organized in your business. And so all these little things really started to come to a head. And I just realized that there was things that I needed to do differently.

So since then, I've been just more open. And like I said, recently, I've been sharing about this more on on social and I'm learning that women are often overlooked from an add perspective, because it doesn't present the same way that it does in boys and men. And that it ADD or ADHD doesn't just present as hyperactivity, or impulsivity, or like the common things that you hear or know about. But when I started to learn about how add can show up in other areas that it does show up in your life, and like, it's not even a question like, holy smokes, you know, if we were to do a brain scan, I'm sure they'd be like, through the roof, if you were to rate my ADD. And, of course, as our life gets Fuller, you know, my husband and I both, you know, manage two full time businesses with an additional, you know, we've got three kids, we've had another kiddo.

You know, after I sort of had that initial wave of, you know, rejecting that diagnosis, but so when you add more to, to your plate, right, these ADHD symptoms will start to become more present, if you will. So I wanted to share this, because first of all, it really is important not to put sort of this, this negative connotation on what ADB is or isn't, and also give permission to women to explore this for themselves. And like I said, I've been getting tons of messages of like, oh, my gosh, this sounds like me, oh, my gosh, this is what I do, oh, my gosh, I just got a diagnosis, but it's really overwhelming. I don't know what to do. And like, all these, all these things, you know, it's like, should I take medication, should I do this, like, there's so much, but what I want to offer you and which nobody really offered to me, you know, the first time around was just being curious about it. And when you're curious about it, you can become a student, right? And you learn about it, and you read about it. And of course, there, when it comes to diagnoses in general, or when you think about like mental health, in general, there's going to be so many opinions from one side to the other. And you really have to step in that in that space of being confident of being okay with your decisions and your opinions related to that. But it has to make sense for you and your lifestyle. And so, when you start to, you know, be curious and learn, you'll start to like, see things very differently. And also, like just grant yourself that permission that like yeah, I am different. So what I want to also bring to light is like, I think for so long, when I was started starting to notice my differences and struggle with very basic things, you guys, you know, one of the core things of ADD is like executive functioning, is really low. And so people like me get very overwhelmed with the most basic tasks or things. And so when you don't even have that awareness about you, though, that alone can like send you on a tailspin of so much doubt, so much insecurity, and it doesn't support you like those feelings don't support you in the way that I know that you want to feel and operate. And also when you don't have the awareness of how and this is for you, whether you have ADD or not, or whether you think you have it or not, is like learning your unique brain, your unique body and knowing what what creates success for you.

So if I, for instance, gave you my time management structure or my time management planning system, it's very likely that even if you are a lot like me that my specific system isn't going to work for you. And you have to be willing to trial and error different things. So I just also want to say that first when I was feeling these things of like this isn't doesn't feel normal, and I would talk about it out loud. People would always say, well, you're just you just have too much going on. You're just too busy. You need to take things off your plate. Like it just made me feel so shitty and also feeling like I need to give things up. are things like things that I needed to give up that I loved in order to be more organized, which is so dumb. And of course, like, if you're you are maxed full and you're overstressed all the time, like, of course, we're going to look at the priorities and where your time is spent and things like that. But when it comes to add, you know, we're known for being, you know, not very organized. We struggle with very basic tasks or skills, right? And you a lot of times the brain, right, it doesn't retain information or have the memory or the, the, the awareness in those moments to even pull a basic memory of like, where you put your keys, or, you know, putting the milk in the pantry or, you know, putting something down and literally spending the next few days looking for it, I would say that I spend a lot of my life looking for things that I misplaced. And I think a lot of people will be like, well, that's just normal. And it's just, it's not. And, again, just encouraging you to be curious about your characteristics and your brain and your body. And instead of just accepting them as they are being curious to why or what is causing that.

And what's cool in that in that awareness phase, when you gain the awareness, awareness of why this is happening, or what exactly is happening, you then start to build systems and structure around your life that can then support you right in those certain elements. So that you can have a very fulfilling life, and not lose your shirt at the same time. And not, you know, not give up the things that you love. So that's what I want to share with you just to start the conversation. Because I have so much to say about this. But I think the message here is, if you are struggling with some of these things, even if you're not, but you feel like there's things that are just different about you that you notice, just being curious about it and becoming a student of your brain, a student of your body, and making sure you support yourself in the way that it needs to be supported, to align with what you want. And that alone has changed me because for the longest time, even if I look back at my childhood, I felt like I had a cap on my potential because I couldn't do things the way that other people could do them. And I didn't believe it was possible for me to thrive, I didn't believe it was possible for me to have a certain level of success that other people had, because of these sort of limiting factors that I noticed about me, but I just want to offer that that's not true. And those are just sort of, you know, limits that you place on yourself, without knowing right without knowing the whole truth about really how you're uniquely designed and being able to really lean into that.

So I hope this story was encouraging to you. I hope that it just sort of piqued your curiosity, if anything, but I would love to know who's listening. If this story resonated with you, please screenshot this podcast and share it over on Instagram and tag me kidzee MCIS is my handle, just tag me and let me know that you love this or let me know if it resonated with you. Or let me know if you share similar experiences. Maybe you've also been recently diagnosed with ADHD which have gotten tons of messages of like women in their 30s that have just now recently gotten diagnosed. And they're like, I don't even know what to do. I just want to start that conversation with you. And at least again, I'm not a clinician, I feel like I should put a disclaimer out here, I'mnot a clinician, I'm not a psychiatrist, I have no credentials. This is not my expertise. I am only an expert in myself, what's working for me what's not working for me and continuing to learn. And I just want to offer my stories as encouragement for you. And so if you're listening to this, and again, there's something about it that really stuck with you just share it on social and let me know you listen, so we can, so I can connect with you over there that would be just means so much. So I hope that you have such a wonderful day and I will talk to you next time.