Authenticity vs. Formality: Finding Your True Voice to Connect With Your Audience

I'm Kinsey Machos, your host and founder.

Of the category Queen.

Welcome to the podcast for coaches, consultants, and course creators who don't just want to dominate their niche, but they desire to play in their own league. My mission is to help you unlock the power of your unique brilliance and use it as a vehicle to gain recognition, reach more people, and make more money. Not too long ago, I took a bold leap, leaving behind a six figure corporate salary with nothing more than a used MacBook and a burning desire for more freedom. Today, our brand has become globally recognized, helping thousands of female founders to become industry leading experts.

Join us each week as we go.

On a journey together to discuss mindset, marketing and money, and more importantly, the real life discussions about balancing success with motherhood and marriage. Because we're a community of women who build and scale impact driven businesses, but do it without sacrificing the things that.

Matter most to us.

Welcome to the category queen show.

Hello, my beautiful friends. I'm so happy to be here with you today. Sorry, my voice is still a little nasally, which is so annoying. I'm still battling this gross bug that I have, which is kind of like a record at this point, but here we are. I'm so glad to at least have a voice, which is exactly what we're talking about today. And it's definitely a meta type of circumstance. But we're talking about your voice and what it means to really show up online with more authenticity and more ways to find your voice and stay true to you in order to connect with your audience, convert more clients, and have a bigger impact. When I say, quote unquote, your voice, I want to make sure that we really think about what falls underneath that umbrella.

Because first of all, there's a lot of these words being tossed throughout online. And so I think a, as always, just really setting the stage for the context of this conversation, but to also give you permission to really define what this looks and feels like for you. Right? We hear a lot about authenticity. We hear a lot about your uniqueness. We hear a lot about professionalism. I mean, there's so many things underneath this. But I want to really make sure that you walk away from this conversation feeling really inspired to be more of you and feeling like you have everything that you need to amplify your voice and be true to who you were created to be. And so let's talk about this idea of, quote unquote, your voice. I mean, within this, it's really about you.

And when you think about all of you the whole parts of you and your desire to create an impact, to help people, to change other people's lives, but to also change your own life. Right. Create more financial and time freedom. You're doing this, really with your voice, and your voice is your expertise. Right? It's the words you write, it's the words you speak. It's the way that you uniquely impact people. It's what you believe in. It's your values. And so in the context of, quote, unquote, your voice, it's really all parts of you that you are really being called to amplify, to make a bigger difference. And I know that you're here because you have been called to do that, and that's a part of your mission. But what happens is there's a lot of confusion and overwhelm around this idea of authenticity.

And I think even then, there's a lot of people that come into the industry and don't even have the awareness about what this might look and feel like. And so they start to become somebody they're not. I was actually inspired to do this episode after listening to a woman who was very successful in the YouTube industry, and she created multiple seven figure business, all to just shut it down. She literally closed out her programs, she let go of her whole team and then took a one year sabbatical. And she just came back and she shared a video of what that journey was like and why she did what she did. And a lot of what she talked about was really, a, I could resonate with that. I think that this is so common in our industry, but not enough people are talking about it.

But b, this journey of evolving as an entrepreneur, evolving as a woman, but not having the awareness to know what's happening so that you don't do something crazy like shut down your dream business. Right. Or walk away from your desires. And so I do believe that the power of understanding your voice and using it authentically and making sure that you build a business that's in alignment to the most authentic version of you, that is key. That is 100% key. And we need to put some context around that so that it makes sense, it's tangible, right. Because I think in that sense, at the highest level, it does feel a little bit ambiguous.

And so that's what I want to unpack in this conversation and bring more of that clarity around what this is going to look like for you no matter what season of business you're in. So, first of all, I would really like to start thinking about, or I want you to start thinking about what authentic really means to you. And when it comes down to authenticity, I actually think that this creates the most confusion out of anything else. And so, first of all, like I always love to do, I like to bring in these definitions. And so when I look up authentic, the definition that I find here is true to one's own personality, spirit or character makes total sense. But what happens is, actually, most women, just like me and I think about my personal journey, don't even know who they are yet. Right?

You have lived under an identity that wasn't really yours. And I think that awareness is also something that catapults a lot of women into coaching or consulting or being a creator, whatever that looks like. And so part of entrepreneurship, I've heard this term or this concept all the time, is like entrepreneurship is a self development journey, but you get paid for it. And it's so true because you learn so much about yourself and you start to really uncover your deepest desires, your deepest fears, and everything in between. But if you don't know yourself, how do you stay true to yourself? How do you stay authentic? And so we want to make sure not toss this word around too much without really recognizing what it is and what it is to you.

And so when we think about amplifying your voice and really being authentic to you, it does require you to become more aware and really give yourself more of that quiet space, to ask yourself these questions, to just pause before you write something or pause before you do something and just ask, does this feel true? And I think that living decades in an identity that isn't ours under limitations that were handed down to us, there's going to be years worth of uncovering that and removing those layers. So this isn't necessarily something that you're going to uncover in a journal prompt, in one journal prompt, or overnight, or even in a course of a year, I think that this is an infinite journey in just going deeper with yourself and really starting to uncover the core of you.

So I want to encourage you a it's not something that should feel overwhelming, but it's also not something that can happen by accident. The most successful people that I have met are doing the inner work, always behind the scenes. You may not hear them talk about it, but that's the work that they're doing that has been the most significant to their success. And that inner work is transforming your mind, transforming your body, understanding who you are at your core, and being true to that piece, when we start to think about building something that is not in alignment to our authentic self. That's where burnout happens. That's where you start to build something that you don't even love.

And you realize even you walked away maybe from a corporate job or you started this business with the intent to create that financial and time freedom, all to realize that this very thing has taken everything away from you and that is not what we want. And so you do have to put in the time and the effort to just really understand who you are, what you believe in, what your values are, and starting to learn that at a deeper level, because that is the only way you can be authentic, is by learning you and being honest with yourself. Now, the biggest challenge here, and we see this in our industry time and time again. I've been here, I've been here several times before. And this is exactly what this other woman was sharing in.

That when you start to create more success in the industry, or even if you're just getting started and you're learning from mentors, you're learning from experts, you start to become like them. And there's this belief also that happens in order to grow to your next level of success, you have to be more like them. Now, again, it is so important to learn strategies, and I'll never not learn from people that have created the success that I want to create. But there's a different set of maturity that happens when you realize that you have to have this filter on. Is this for me or is this not for me? Is this something I would say or is this something I absolutely wouldn't say? Is this aligned with my values or is this not aligned with my values?

And this is a check in with yourself that you would do in anything, writing a piece of content, designing an offer, developing your signature speech, thinking about your marketing strategy. I had a client who came to me and she said, I had this person reach out to me in the DMs and he's selling me hardcore on this particular selling strategy, and he made me feel like I really needed it in order to be successful. And I think I'm going to do it. And we talked through it and I just said, if you were to stay true to you and you imagine your business three years from now and you think about how you want to reach people, how you want to enroll people, does that strategy fit into that? And the question was, no, it does not. But it's hard.

It's really hard to not get swept up into that noise. Right? You have people all over the industry, including myself, telling you this way is the best or this way is something you should consider, or this is how I've created my success. And so we start to think that's who we need to be. But you have to develop this filter that again asks and bumps these ideas, these concepts, these strategies against your system, your value system, that says yes or no, okay, take it or leave it. And if you don't do that, what happens is you start to just become more like other people and you lose that authenticity. And that is the very thing that people are actually connected to. So there's this concept that I learn in corporate, which is called groupthink.

And it happens when you get a group of people together and they start to basically have, because they spend so much time together, they basically start to mold together, they start thinking alike, they start doing alike, and they lose that sort of individualism within that thinking or that doing. If I were to pull up the definition here, it says the group think is the practice of thinking or making decisions as a group in a way that discourages creativity or individual responsibility. Now, a lot of times, like containers, like corporate, they don't intentionally do this, but it happens organically, right? If you are spending so much time with these same people and talking about the same things and just molding to the same ideas, and this is exactly what happens. Even in our industry.

It's like, especially if you get into containers or masterminds, or follow a proven system or framework, if you don't have the awareness while you're learning or you're talking or you're absorbing, you adopt all parts of things versus take some, leave some. And when we lose that critical thinking within that process, that is when we start to become like other people versus becoming more like ourselves. And this is something that is so big for me, because you do, you start to grow to these certain levels of success, and you feel like in order to get to the next level, I have to be more like her, or I need to be more like him.

And through that process, I think that what happens, and I can share this from a more personal experience or personal struggle, is that you start to lose these individual uniqueness, unique qualities about yourself or characteristics. I've been somebody that's always really quirky and weird and awkward. And I really hid that for a long time. And I'll never forget, I was doing a training a couple years ago. It was a live training. I don't remember if it was like on Facebook or in one of our boot camps, but I was standing up and I had my whiteboard next to me and writing on it. But I got so excited about something that I stepped over the whiteboard stand and I tripped and the whiteboard fell. And I initially was so embarrassed, and I just remember my face being really red.

I was like, oh, my gosh, you guys, I'm sorry. My instant thought was like, this is so unprofessional. And I'm like, sorry, guys, I'm so clumsy. And I am. I mean, literally, just this morning, I ran right into my husband because my spatial awareness is a little off. And he's like, babe, can you please develop some spatial awareness here? Because I'm always running into walls or just random things. Anyway, not that is something that is going to get people to take me more professional, but these are just the little parts of me that it's like I don't need to hide in order for people to take me more seriously.

Now, if I go back to this scenario where I tripped over my whiteboard, I actually had somebody that came into one of our programs after that training, and she said that I loved seeing you just be really authentic and tripping and admitting that you're clumsy, because I totally connected with that. And I felt like I connected with Kinsey so much deeper. And I realized that was the moment where it was like, we're all just humans having human experiences, and you don't need to hide the parts of you that make up you, that make you unique in order to be taken seriously. And so that's a reminder for you to think about, what are things that you might be hiding from or that you might be denying yourself of with the thought that people won't like this. But here's the other thing.

Here's where I want to introduce the other side of that, and it's the balance. It's the balance of professionalism and authenticity. And I think that this is important. So as a business owner, which all of you are, whether you're aspiring or you're seasoned, if you desire to be a business owner, there has to be a level of professionalism there. And I think that when authenticity takes the wrong turn, it's like, show up in all of yourself in your real hot mess. Like, there's this hot mess trend going on of, like, this is just who I am. But I think it's important that if you consider yourself an expert, which all of you do, if you consider that you help people get results, you help people transform their lives with your expertise, there still has to be that level of professionalism inserted there, right?

And it's important. I think that if you were to even think about the people or things that you're attracted to, there's an edge there. There's still an edge or some feeling of professionalism. But what that looks like for you and what that feels like for you is going to be different. It's going to be different for everybody. Right. But I don't want you to also lose that trust and authority with your audience because you're willy nilly about your business. I think about when I was first starting, I didn't have my own office. I didn't have fancy equipment. I didn't have a ring light. I had a used MacBook that I bought from a friend. But I set up a little corner in our bonus room where I could do my live videos, I could do my coaching calls. And I took it seriously.

I got ready for my coaching calls. I put on makeup, I did my hair. I came presentable. And I think that there's a level there that people then saw me and they see you as an expert. And it's like, okay, I can trust this person. Right. I think that is something we don't want to overlook either. But like I said, that level of what that professionalism looks like is going to be different for everybody. And that's something that you have to define. But as a business owner, don't take that trust and connection for granted and really think about how do you want people to perceive you and what would that version of you look like.

But if you start to sway to the other, too far to the other side, and it's like you're trying to be more professional and you really want to be taken seriously. And it's like I need to say the perfect thing in order for people to understand this. And I need to be super polished and I need to, again, hide these parts of me that people probably wouldn't like, I think that's the risk. I think that is the bigger risk. I think most of you probably aren't showing up online as a hot mess. I think more of you are actually not showing the sides of you that are you that people will connect with. And I think that I have definitely come in and out of this season of like, I need to be more professional, I need to be more polished.

I even had a friend tell me that in my photos, in my branding photos, I look younger and people may not take me seriously. And I took that to heart and I started to not share those photos and I started to dress in ways that I would never dress in my photo shoots and I realized I'm like, what? No, I want to look young. And I've always looked young and we always get compliment, right? My husband and I always get compliments. They're like, what? You have a 14 year old. Oh, my gosh, you have an eleven year old. And that's okay. And I don't want to look older. And heck, I'm like, heck, yeah, I'm 37 and I think I will always want to look younger. What's the problem in that?

So if people look at my photo and they think I'm too young to be taken seriously, well, that's not something that I'm willing to change because that is who I am. And I think that my energy is also vibrant and youthful and I want to stay that way. And so again, we think about, who do you think you need to be and what are the limitations you're putting on yourself and your voice that are actually removing the most unique qualities of you. And this is where we think about even groupthink and being more like other people. When you just need to be more like yourself and start to uncover what yourself looks like.

I think that is probably at the end of the day, the biggest quote unquote problem to solve for is just making sure that you're doing the work to learn more about you and really see the unique qualities within you and bring more of that to the market, to your industry, because that's what people are going to connect with. Right? But anytime there's like an all or nothing, like, I need to be way more professional than I am and I don't need to show these other parts of me. I think that's going to be a red flag. And on the other side of that, of like, I'm just going to be real and raw and this is what you get, and I'm coming in my hot mess again, that's not going to get you what you want either.

But if we're trying to be someone we're not, that's what creates that inauthenticity and that's what is going to keep you from connecting with your best match clients. And so always, I think that this is, like I said, an infinite journey. An infinite journey of learning more about you, staying in alignment to your most authentic self and taking some and leaving some. Anytime you're working with a mentor, or you're going through a course or you're in a mastermind, learn from people, absorb that, and 100% use that to your leverage. But at the end of the day, then it's like, what's for me and what's not for me? And that's the critical skill, I think, that's missing in most of us, right? Because we don't know any better and we just become a little bit out of touch.

But I can confidently say that the more of you that you bring, the more power that you're going to create in your industry and the more that people are going to connect with your heart, which is the very thing that creates that amplified impact. So I hope this was helpful for you today. And if anything, I just want to encourage you to be true to you. You have a voice. Amplify that voice. And if you don't know really what that looks and feels like, don't stop. Don't use this as an assignment, like, I need to stop and figure this out, because you don't. You don't figure it out by not doing anything. You don't find your voice without using it. You find more depth to your voice as you use it, as you amplify it, as you stay authentic to you. So keep going.

Just bring more awareness to the process. All right, my friend. I'll see you next week. Hey.

If you're ready to stand out online and get paying clients consistently without having to fumble your way through tech run ads or create complicated funnels, I want to invite you to join us in the category queen school, where you're going to learn my simple, proven formula for getting clients online. It's risk free. You either make your money back, or we'll give you a refund. Just head over to kinseymachos.com/thecqschool and join today to get instant access. We'll see you inside.