Three Fundamental Keys To Empathetic Communication

Hello, welcome to another Speak In Flow podcast,

I'm so glad you're here today, we are going to delve into an

important topic, especially for my heart centre leaders out

there. You care about your relationships, you care about

the people that are around you. And so this is about

negotiations. And not just negotiations, any type, we're

talking about negotiations with empathy, negotiating with heart.

And this is crucial, especially for your relationships. Let's

face it, even if you think you're not negotiating you are,

you're negotiating with your clients, your your manager, your

colleague, and those kids. Those kids are really good

negotiators. And so when we think about these people that we

are talking to having Crucial Conversations with, we're

negotiating, and these relationships are important to

us. They're not just people that we see coming in, in our lives,

they're in your life. And so when the relationship is

important, and it matters, this is where negotiating with

empathy will really help you. And so what is negotiating with

empathy, negotiating with empathy is leading with a

genuine curiosity of the other person's opinion, genuine

understanding, really trying to understand the other person's

opinion, and valuing the relationship over your position.

And when you can do that, I promise you, you can find

alternative outcomes. And that's what we're going to dive into

today. Because I know that is difficult relationships and

communications can be difficult. And negotiating with somebody

that has a completely different perspective is challenging,

because you want what you want, the other person wants what they

want. And then so we go into negotiating fighting for what we

want. And as heart centred leaders, when there's a conflict

like that, more often than not, we will tend to shy away, we

will tend to avoid it, not try to go there, acquiesce and then

we end up feeling resentful on the inside. So that doesn't feel

good, that doesn't help us feel empowered. That's not an

appropriate approach. And and when it lasts for too long, what

ends up happening, we end up getting built up, our emotions

get built up, and then we explode. So then we go on the

opposite side of violence, and we start yelling and behaving

and speaking in a way that does not resonate with us. And that's

not who we are. That's not who we want to show up as. So it's

either acquiesced or being violent, those both are not

negotiating with empathy. And it doesn't generate Win Win

outcomes, as you know. So how do we get back to negotiating with

empathy, and it's more important than ever, in our world today,

that we learn how to do this, we need to be able to have more

relationships, we need to be able to have connections, and we

want better outcomes. We want Win Win outcomes that keep the

relationship intact. So this is what this is how we do it.

Here's three key fundamental things that you want to

remember. The first is, start with heart. Yes, starting with

heart. So going into your own heart and mind and making it a

point to lead and listen with your heart value the

relationship first. So it all starts with you, you make a

commitment to value the relationship on your end. And

keep that commitment saying, you know, this relationship is more

important than this position sometimes. Or it's more

important that I keep this relationship so that I'll keep

on talking to this person until we find a win win outcome. I

know that it's out there. So starting with your own heart,

and your mindset, making that commitment, then I'm going to go

into this negotiation, and really try my best to understand

the other person's perspective and suspend judgement. This is

the key point. I know it's hard, because a lot of times we want

to go in to judge and this is going to take me to my next

point, which is listen with presence, listening with both

ears. How many times are we listening and we're just

listening with one ear and then we're thinking about what to say

we're criticising what the person is saying or we're

judging it. That's really not listening with presence.

Listening with presence is really a suspending our own

thoughts, our own judgement and really getting curious about

what the person is seeing, getting curious about where it's

coming from the asking the right questions to find out where this

person is coming from. And then also listening for the words,

look for their body language, focus on their body language

that will give you a lot of information about where the

person is coming from. And so listening to the feelings

underneath shoes, not just the words, and I'll give you an

example. The other day, I am at home, and I was cooking dinner

with the family. And I was thinking about a couple of

things. And I wanted to go to the shower, and my dad walks in,

and he's like, Hey, can I help? And I said, sure, hey, can you

put the vegetables, remainder of the vegetables into the pot, and

he got frustrated, if you said, you're not thinking this pot is

not big enough for the remainder of the vegetables, I immediately

got triggered, because I don't like it when people tell me that

I am not thinking because it makes me feel stupid, especially

because my dad in the past used to say that I'm not smart

enough, I immediately get triggered, and I get frustrated.

I'm like, it's an easy fix. Let's just go get the pan and

replace the vegetables with the bigger pan was not difficult. So

I raised my voice. And then he stormed out of the kitchen and

left. I went to go take a shower. And then I I paused. I

was thinking about it. It then occurred to me that he was just

wanting me to be more present. He wasn't saying that I was

stupid, it occurred to me that he just didn't have the proper

words, he just wanted me to just be there with him to cook.

Right, he wanted me to be more present with him. And so not

just focusing on the words, but his underlying feeling of what

he was trying to tell me, gave me a huge clue. So then I went

back and I told him, I said, it was not what I meant to do, it

was not my intention to get upset. And so let's go back and

cook I value that we can cook together. And so we did, he he,

we went back to the kitchen and all as well. So this also leads

me into the last point, which is speak with empathy. When you

speak, speak with a collaborative mindset that your

relationship matters first. And so using inclusive words like I

value our relationship, how're we, I know that you have had

some concern, and so have I, I would like to have a chat,

because I value our relationship, I really am

genuinely interested and understanding where you're

coming from. And so that opens up a sense of safety. So using

these type of words that will draw the person in. So they

don't feel like they have to constantly defend their position

when both parties are defending their position. And you're only

trying to get your way or the other person's wants to get

their way, then you're staying surface level. Just reminding

yourself that the relationship is more important, and going

down a little bit lower. Besides just the position, there's

another concept that I want you to know is going down into the

interest. When you value the relationship, you're going to

genuinely want to hear the other person's side and then commit to

finding out the other person's interest. And then letting the

person know that you are there to find a third option. There's

more than two options. There's three or four or five. So I'll

give you an example. If you want to go to Italian restaurant, and

the other person wants to go to a Japanese restaurant, that's a

position. And it seems like there's just two ways. But then

if you dig deeper and you ask questions, and you genuinely

want to learn about where the person's coming from, you can

ask them Hey, I hear that you want to go to a Japanese

restaurant. I said that you're upset that you want to go so let

them know that you've heard it.

And what else can we do? What else can we do? Where else can

we go? What is the reason why you want to go to the Japanese

restaurant? Well, I want to eat healthy Italian food is greasy.

It's it's disgusting. It's too oily for me. And for on my end.

If you wanted to go to the Italian restaurant, your

interest was just hey, I just want to spend time with you. I

just wanted to eat some salad. I liked the salad salad at the

Italian restaurant. Perhaps you You can go find another

restaurant a third option that satisfies both of your

interests, the underlying interest of why you wanted the

position in the first place. But that requires that you're just

not buying for your position, and really going in with the

genuine curiosity of the other person. And then belief that

there is a third option out there. And so when you commit to

that, and you speak with language like that, to allow and

let the person know that there is a third option, there are

other opportunities are other interests and other

possibilities, then the person feels safe, and you can both get

a win win outcome. And not just a win win outcome, but your

relationship is connected. It's your there's trust. And that is

what is most important. By the time we're done on this earth,

we remember how we have felt with people, we remember all the

good times. So let's have more experiences like that have more

experiences where we can navigate these difficult times,

with a genuineness with the ability to also communicate our

true feelings. So that we can both understand each other

better, both feel more connected, both build stronger

relationships. And that is what negotiating with empathy does.

And so remember, the next time you're gonna go into an

important conversation, remember the three key fundamental steps,

which is speak of start with your heart, commit to the

relationship, commit to valuing the other person or

understanding the other person's perspective, to listen with

presence, listen, with refraining judgement, listen, by

truly trying to understand. And then third, speak with empathy,

speak with your heart, speak with inclusive language, know

that you can find a third option, it's out there. Third,

fourth, lots of possibilities. It's available to you, as long

as you're managing your own state, managing your emotions,

and continuing to remind yourself that that relationship

is more important. And when you do that, I am pretty sure that

the other person will also feel that and they're going to be

more open to also finding out other possibilities out there

with you. And so when you can both do that together, you're

going to have more fruitful, meaningful relationships, a

happier life and make more positive impact in the worlds

and so together we can make a positive change. If you've liked

this episode, I want you to just write a feed some feedback for

me, give me a good rating and I appreciate you until we meet.

Speak in flow, speak with your heart and lead lead with