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We may feel like there are a lot of problems in the world. But what if we could align our values to solve those problems, communicate better and get along.
Persephone Brooks asks us to consider that, if we think about life in terms of identifying and moving towards our goals as aligning values, and when we feel unmotivated or dissatisfied, possibly we are just out of alignment with our values. In this episode you will gain insight into how you can discover your greatest potential and what truly matters to you. Plus, identify why in some situations you thrive, while in others you may feel challenged, or as Persephone puts it, as conserving energy. So, if you are looking for solutions in goal setting, career, communication or solving problems, consider renaming your values.
Persephone gives an example of a classroom. A child who likes soccer but finds little value in geometry. Shift the way we communicate and bring in examples that support this child’s values. For example, how can this “value” support your values and in doing so, support each other and achieve our goal. This is when value-based thinking can create big shifts and huge progress. Tune in for more great tips on values!
Bio: My name is Persephone Brooks. I am current a mental health therapist that is serving at a community counseling center. My clients not only have some type of mental health diagnosis, but they also have an intellectual developmental disability (aka: autism, down syndrome, etc.). They also struggle with daily living activities, relationship, and transition problems which typically cause behavioral issues. And I also have the pleasure of working with individuals who have some substance use issues. Typically, my clients’ age range from 21—just leaving high school---to in their 60+. But this isn’t my first place of providing support and helpful recommendations. Throughout my youth, I had family members, friends, and even strangers come to me and asked for my assistance.
Finding my “Voice” has been challenging. Starting really young. You see, I was born with a hearing problem. This lead me to not hear well---thus putting me on the track similar to my current clients. I understand clearly of the frustration of not being able to express my basic needs. I also struggled finding reliable people to support those who confide in me, due to my lack of ability to seek support. So, I have continued developing skills to grow my “Voice.”
One of the greatest place where I’ve learned to grow my “Voice” is exploring entrepreneurship. Here, I’ve learned from many great teachers about what works. At least for them. I had to learn how to “Voice” to myself that their path isn’t my path. And I have to accept this fact. Otherwise, I won’t be able to honor my own “Voice.” And since 2019, I have only one goal in life “Own My Power!” This goal is driven by out of the box methods that honors my deep values that my life is demonstrating.
I wish for all who reads this to enjoy “Their Own Power.” I am determined that the world will only become better if everyone: honors what works while crafting their own design. Make the world better by choosing to make it a great day—one day at time.
About Melinda:
Melinda Lee is a Presentation Skills Expert, Speaking Coach and nationally renowned Motivational Speaker. She holds an M.A. in Organizational Psychology, is an Insights Practitioner, and is a Certified Professional in Talent Development as well as Certified in Conflict Resolution. For over a decade, Melinda has researched and studied the state of “flow” and used it as a proven technique to help corporate leaders and business owners amplify their voices, access flow, and present their mission in a more powerful way to achieve results.
She has been the TEDx Berkeley Speaker Coach and worked with hundreds of executives and teams from Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Caltrans, Bay Area Rapid Transit System, and more. Currently, she lives in San Francisco, California, and is breaking the ancestral lineage of silence.
Website: https://speakinflow.com/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/speakinflow
Instagram: https://instagram.com/speakinflow
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mpowerall
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Hello, everyone, welcome to the speak in flow
Melinda Lee:Podcast. Today I have a wonderful friend, who I've known
Melinda Lee:for many, many years, over six years along our entrepreneurial
Melinda Lee:journey, we have crossed paths. And she is an amazing person,
Melinda Lee:wonderful heart, but also so smart and has a big vision, and
Melinda Lee:a wonderful, innovative, out of the box way of thinking about
Melinda Lee:therapy. And so I brought her on, because I believe that this
Melinda Lee:insight is going to help us along our leadership journey,
Melinda Lee:and also along finding our voice. And so I'm so glad to
Melinda Lee:have her today we have Persephanie Brooks, hi
Melinda Lee:Persephonie. Hi, how are you doing? I'm good, glad you're
Melinda Lee:here. So Persephone, I know you have an out of the box way of
Melinda Lee:thinking about therapy. Before we go into that, can you just
Melinda Lee:share a little bit about the traditional approach how we
Melinda Lee:currently see therapy and what's happening there? Sure. I'm a
Melinda Lee:therapist by trade.
Persephone Brooks:So I have, you know, working the community
Persephone Brooks:as well as private practice. And the pattern that I see is we
Persephone Brooks:really focus more on the behaviour. Now, whether it's the
Persephone Brooks:problem of mental health, or problem of, you know, working
Persephone Brooks:with kids, you know, the behaviour, we want them to do
Persephone Brooks:better, don't do this. We want them to do that instead. And so
Persephone Brooks:therapy seems to be more about getting rid of something. And
Persephone Brooks:even when it's around goals, it's still trying to get rid of
Persephone Brooks:something. And so that's the biggest thing that I've noticed
Persephone Brooks:is that there's so much emphasis on what we don't like, yeah,
Persephone Brooks:trying to get rid of it. Right. And I believe it's a problem,
Persephone Brooks:right? And so they shine the light on the problem. And don't
Persephone Brooks:we do that also, when we're in corporate, and they shine the
Persephone Brooks:light on. So we may have done so many things, right? And then
Persephone Brooks:they do a performance evaluation. And then they shine
Persephone Brooks:the light on this one problem. And we're like, oh, there's this
Persephone Brooks:problem. And then this is the emphasis on the problem. And so
Persephone Brooks:that's what's happening in therapy to write well, you know,
Persephone Brooks:as a culture, we're probing focused. Yeah, think of, you
Persephone Brooks:know, as a little child, when we go to school, what did they
Persephone Brooks:focus on? Usually the problem guarantee, what do they focus
Persephone Brooks:on? Usually the problem. And so it's not a surprise, infiltrated
Persephone Brooks:business and leadership. Because we do want our team to be
Persephone Brooks:better, we want to eat better. But I found, the more we focus
Persephone Brooks:on the problem, the problem gets bigger. Hmm. And so we were so
Persephone Brooks:focused on that it gets bigger, and then it gets just that it
Persephone Brooks:consumes us.
Melinda Lee:Yes. So on the alternative, what is the
Melinda Lee:alternative? How do you see a different approach?
Persephone Brooks:Before we go there, the other place where we,
Persephone Brooks:where we focus on problems is on personal thoughts. Now, how many
Persephone Brooks:times do we have the negative thinking? Problem? Oh, my
Persephone Brooks:goodness. Someone didn't call me. That's a big problem. Oh, my
Persephone Brooks:goodness, the traffic is, you know, just going very slow.
Persephone Brooks:That's a problem. And so we have such a huge mindset to really
Persephone Brooks:focus on the problem.
Melinda Lee:Yeah, no, I appreciate that. Because we're
Melinda Lee:constantly thinking, and so how we communicate to others, also
Melinda Lee:about how we communicate with ourselves. And so we're
Melinda Lee:constantly thinking about problems. And we're, we have a
Melinda Lee:lot of what is the negative? Like, what is the self talk that
Melinda Lee:we have when we're looking at the problems? We're saying
Melinda Lee:That's a problem, like, okay, there's traffic, or my child is
Melinda Lee:so lazy, or my child is not doing this, and that's a
Melinda Lee:problem. And so then we're seeing that in our minds, right?
Melinda Lee:It gets bigger and more irritated.
Persephone Brooks:Right.
Melinda Lee:But then we try to fix it. And we'll we'll we think
Melinda Lee:that that's how we fix it.
Persephone Brooks:Right? So the brain likes to solve problems as
Persephone Brooks:it's designed. And our nervous system is designed to find
Persephone Brooks:themes that could be dangerous, aka problems. So our body and
Persephone Brooks:brain is all wired that way. But that does not necessarily mean
Persephone Brooks:we have to act that way. And that's the biggest thing is both
Persephone Brooks:mental health and parenting and business. A lot of times we
Persephone Brooks:focus more on what we see about what's going on, which isn't a
Persephone Brooks:bad approach. But it only could go so far. When you focus on the
Persephone Brooks:problem, it's like pulling a weed in your garden, if you pull
Persephone Brooks:a weed from my garden, and if you do nothing with that spots,
Persephone Brooks:another weed is going to take its place. It's a given either
Persephone Brooks:the same weed or another type of weed. So, and that's the biggest
Persephone Brooks:problem with addictions, you know, you move smoking, and then
Persephone Brooks:you move to maybe drinking alcohol instead, or, you know,
Persephone Brooks:or something less like work. workaholism, where we're working
Persephone Brooks:really hard. And so it's, it's a bigger problem. So, you know, as
Persephone Brooks:you ask, know, what is the fix? What's the flip side? Yeah, and
Persephone Brooks:in the flip side, I believe is two things. One, is really
Persephone Brooks:understand our values. Values is a big key word nowadays. And
Persephone Brooks:business is leadership's are trying to find people's values.
Persephone Brooks:But it's not about what we think our values are like, I really
Persephone Brooks:believe I'm honest person. And I really believe that I incline
Persephone Brooks:and I'm thoughtful, and there's evidence showing that. But
Persephone Brooks:there's also evidence, unfortunately, because I'm
Persephone Brooks:human, showing the opposite direction. And it's not about if
Persephone Brooks:we want it that way, it's what our lives are currently
Persephone Brooks:demonstrating it, and that shows our highest value. So when we
Persephone Brooks:hear people saying, I want a job, and they're sitting on the
Persephone Brooks:couch, and doing absolutely nothing, maybe playing video
Persephone Brooks:games, or been watching on Netflix, but they always were
Persephone Brooks:like, I want a job, I want a job, I want a job, you know, our
Persephone Brooks:minds, like well get off the couch and do something, you
Persephone Brooks:know, type of thing. And so, you know, there's no, that's true.
Persephone Brooks:But we don't understand where they're coming from. And
Persephone Brooks:oftentimes, they're coming from their values. And their they may
Persephone Brooks:not value having a job. And so if they don't value having a
Persephone Brooks:job, they're not going to take the steps necessary in order to
Persephone Brooks:get one.
Melinda Lee:So how do we go about finding our highest value?
Persephone Brooks:Well, there's many different ways. The one
Persephone Brooks:that I found that was very helpful for me, is I've been
Persephone Brooks:studying under Dr. Demartini. He has a value determination. It's
Persephone Brooks:a 13. Questions. Yeah. I find it very helpful. But I did find it
Persephone Brooks:at the beginning, very frustrating, because when you
Persephone Brooks:first sign on, they ask, you know, what's the three most
Persephone Brooks:important in each category? And your brains? Like? Three most
Persephone Brooks:right rights? What, what, what, what's, what's my brain, like,
Persephone Brooks:for a long time? They're not think of what, what it was,
Persephone Brooks:right? Because we're not used to thinking about these type of
Persephone Brooks:things. Right? Now, if that if the question was, what's your
Persephone Brooks:three problem areas in, in energy, you know, how you spend
Persephone Brooks:your time, like, my health is not where I and I'm tired? And
Persephone Brooks:what's the things that surrounds you that you don't like moving?
Persephone Brooks:Oh, we have a whole list of right. It's our brains are so
Persephone Brooks:wired to think of what we don't want what we don't like. And so
Persephone Brooks:it's really hard sometimes. And then a lot of times, you know,
Persephone Brooks:with our values that we've already done, we are thinking of
Persephone Brooks:a future self of, you know, I value being you know, I value,
Persephone Brooks:you know, making a difference, my job is no, I feel like to
Persephone Brooks:help people to improve, to prove myself so we can make a better
Persephone Brooks:world. But if I see myself as a motivated speaker, and an author
Persephone Brooks:and coach and, and all those are are things I'm working towards,
Persephone Brooks:right now is a great, great thing, but not all of that is
Persephone Brooks:showing evidence in my life right now.
Melinda Lee:Okay. And so, what would you say if I'm trying to
Melinda Lee:aspire to that? How do I find the true highest value filling
Melinda Lee:out that form? You think the John D. Martini will help to
Melinda Lee:find out the true value? So let's say I'm aspiring to but
Melinda Lee:it's really not evident in my life. Was that what's helped you
Melinda Lee:to figure that out?
Persephone Brooks:I think his His form is very helpful. Okay.
Persephone Brooks:But actually, you know, you could just look at me and it's,
Persephone Brooks:it's also very helpful because he goes through 13 specific
Persephone Brooks:areas that it's very helpful to identify. Because, you know, our
Persephone Brooks:values, there's a pattern.
Melinda Lee:Yeah.
Persephone Brooks:And so, you know, for example, where do we
Persephone Brooks:spend our most money on? You know, most of us will probably
Persephone Brooks:say personal development, leadership skills, working, you
Persephone Brooks:know, how can I improve my position. So it's, you know,
Persephone Brooks:we're very business oriented, we're, you know, working on
Persephone Brooks:personal development. And so that's, that would be one, you
Persephone Brooks:know, or two categories, personal development, and
Persephone Brooks:business oriented. And those are showing evidence, because your
Persephone Brooks:bank account literally shows you, or your credit, or whatever
Persephone Brooks:you're used to using, and that you are spending a lot more on
Persephone Brooks:those instead of, let's just say, you know, your friend is
Persephone Brooks:socialising or, you know, the, you know, any party, any, you
Persephone Brooks:know, events that's happening, she's there, or he's there. So,
Persephone Brooks:there are going to have a different value with winches,
Persephone Brooks:you know, being able to do this social events.
Melinda Lee:So yeah, so once someone finds their value, what
Melinda Lee:is the what is that, like, when they're now they have the
Melinda Lee:highest value, they understand the highest value, then what is
Melinda Lee:the talk that's going on in their head? What's the
Melinda Lee:difference that they feel? Or what's the change?
Persephone Brooks:The, the two things that I see is being able
Persephone Brooks:to realise sometimes why we have value conflicts, like if you
Persephone Brooks:really value work, and you really value family, and then
Persephone Brooks:you are feeling guilty at work not being with your family, your
Persephone Brooks:family, you're too busy thinking about work? Yeah, it's helpful
Persephone Brooks:to identify which one is higher.
Melinda Lee:Okay, on, do they flip flop, depending on the day,
Persephone Brooks:sometimes they do flip and flop depending
Persephone Brooks:on that usually, we're creatures of habit, we like things in a
Persephone Brooks:certain way. And if most of the time, the biggest problem I see
Persephone Brooks:as I'm seeing people, is they're working on a lower value. And,
Persephone Brooks:and then that runs into more problems. So they're not really
Persephone Brooks:honouring our highest values, because they're so busy trying
Persephone Brooks:to maintain a lower value with our brains or our minds, we're
Persephone Brooks:not motivated a well, when we're doing something lower on our
Persephone Brooks:values, we self sabotage, we have to use a lot more coping
Persephone Brooks:skills, there's a lot more things that triggers us, we
Persephone Brooks:might have more anxiety, more depression, just because we're
Persephone Brooks:not really honouring our highest values.
Melinda Lee:So we're so focused, we're focused also on
Melinda Lee:solving the problem, we have no more energy.
Persephone Brooks:Exactly right?
Melinda Lee:Is that right,
Persephone Brooks:why spend so much energy on something that is
Persephone Brooks:not to your highest value? And there's a way to work with the
Persephone Brooks:lower values, like, you know, parents, you know, if somebody's
Persephone Brooks:relate to not worry about spouse said Yes, his or as much as we
Persephone Brooks:have to, because, you know, we're, we're in a focus, we, you
Persephone Brooks:know, we are a leader, we're trying to, you know, get our
Persephone Brooks:voice out. And so sometimes it's just like, how do I work with
Persephone Brooks:that? And so, that's where looking at your values. And so
Persephone Brooks:for me, one of my highest values, this is not a typical
Persephone Brooks:value, right? But it's meaningful to me. And it's an
Persephone Brooks:element of play. I have to have an element of play. Yeah, yeah.
Persephone Brooks:more spontaneous, more like a kid where know, they see a they
Persephone Brooks:see a leaf and it becomes a boat, and really put it in a
Persephone Brooks:lake and they're like, or a little stream, and now it
Persephone Brooks:becomes a big lake. And they're making this like story up as
Persephone Brooks:they go along. Know that type of play. Right? And so, I find that
Persephone Brooks:that times I enjoy my job, doing chores by itself. If I don't
Persephone Brooks:have an element to play, it gets really really boring for me.
Persephone Brooks:Yeah, yeah. It's like pulling teeth. The other way that I've
Persephone Brooks:also used this element of play without realising on how
Persephone Brooks:important it was, is I have taken some hard classes where it
Persephone Brooks:challenged me, and one of them is Spanish. And so how do I you
Persephone Brooks:know, these words are foreign. Yeah. How would you I link those
Persephone Brooks:know the words with the definitions and get familiar. So
Persephone Brooks:memory, so I know Write the Spanish word on one side. And
Persephone Brooks:then on the other side, I write what it means. And on the flip
Persephone Brooks:side, I write, and then I played matching. And in that element of
Persephone Brooks:play, just need me really enjoy the process, I'm not finding it,
Persephone Brooks:I'm able to do really well on the test because I spend so much
Persephone Brooks:time. And that's the benefits of operating from a higher value,
Persephone Brooks:right? Where something would, which would be harder, if I just
Persephone Brooks:did the typical what you do, right, you're studying for a
Persephone Brooks:test and you're learning Spanish, for example, I won't
Persephone Brooks:have a lot of energy, my motivation would be killed, it
Persephone Brooks:would take me a lot longer to do the activity. Homework would be,
Persephone Brooks:oh, my goodness, I'm gonna have to use a lot of coping skills
Persephone Brooks:afterwards, just because I trade maybe my anxieties or maybe, you
Persephone Brooks:know, I opened up a textbook, I don't know about you. And I'm
Persephone Brooks:like, am I right? And I like. And so that's, that's the thing
Persephone Brooks:that I really liked about values, values are so important.
Melinda Lee:I love that. I love how you integrate it into your
Melinda Lee:everyday life and bringing in your highest value, even in the
Melinda Lee:most monotonous things that you probably see, maybe they've been
Melinda Lee:traditionally told you, hey, you're not good at Spanish. And
Melinda Lee:so now suddenly, there's the problem again, and now I still
Melinda Lee:have to do Spanish or, or do something at work. But then now
Melinda Lee:you're bringing in a value into something that just like of
Melinda Lee:everyday life, your highest value into everyday life. And
Melinda Lee:that helps you to, to do better, to feel better, or to make it
Melinda Lee:more fun for you and alive.
Persephone Brooks:Yeah, and the second thing that assigns values
Persephone Brooks:is also don't get so stuck on the label of the problem. That
Persephone Brooks:by itself could make someone being so rigid. Unfortunately,
Persephone Brooks:words, we've forgotten. They're really neutral. Hammer is really
Persephone Brooks:just a hammer. But in our society, it could use it, you
Persephone Brooks:know, to build things and be wonderful. Or we can use it as a
Persephone Brooks:weapon and use it to mourn people. And so the words that we
Persephone Brooks:use in mental health, for example, anxiety, depression,
Persephone Brooks:and PTSD, hyperreactive, add autism, those actually have a
Persephone Brooks:negative connotation connected to
Melinda Lee:it feels so I yeah, it breaks my heart. I mean, I
Melinda Lee:mean, and then and then yeah, and then the person receives
Melinda Lee:this as this negative con connotation. And, yeah, so tell
Melinda Lee:me more about that, then then what happens, right, then they
Melinda Lee:feel like it's a problem they have to fix. And then they go
Melinda Lee:down to making this trying to fix this problem. And it gets
Melinda Lee:exacerbated, and it gets, doesn't ever really, truly go
Melinda Lee:away, like, you know, because it's like a label that I've been,
Persephone Brooks:right.
Melinda Lee:That's me. And it's not right, when you have all
Melinda Lee:these other parts of you like your values that are highest,
Melinda Lee:and then, and then bringing those out, right, because you're
Melinda Lee:so focused, and not not paying attention to them, because
Melinda Lee:you're so focused on this label.
Persephone Brooks:Right? This because let's face it with those
Persephone Brooks:labels, we have now pulled in the ego. Yeah. And now the ego
Persephone Brooks:is wired to keep that because that's our identity. Anything
Persephone Brooks:that has become our identity is a lot harder to get rid of. So
Persephone Brooks:if you say, Yeah, I am. I'm a person with anxiety. So I'm, I
Persephone Brooks:have ADHD, I, I'm, you know, I'm stupid. I'm dumb. I'm not a
Persephone Brooks:leader, you know, all those thoughts that we have in our
Persephone Brooks:heads. And if we give value to them, from our identity, our
Persephone Brooks:egos they're designed to defend them, even in the wrong they
Persephone Brooks:will make it right. Wow. That's the power of our brains. So and
Persephone Brooks:then also, being able to have these labels labels are greats.
Persephone Brooks:But it gets you know, because it does help you to know your
Persephone Brooks:normal, your natural other people have these issues, when
Persephone Brooks:you shouldn't be there. Right. And so, that's the biggest
Persephone Brooks:things that I find working with, you know, with my clients is
Persephone Brooks:that they've been given these labels and it has become their
Persephone Brooks:identity. It's a lot different scene. You know, I'm an
Persephone Brooks:alcoholic and versus I'm a person who right now is
Persephone Brooks:struggling with drinking. Those are two different fields.
Melinda Lee:Right.
Persephone Brooks:And it is very important. This skill I
Persephone Brooks:learned from a wonderful doctor, I still don't remember his name,
Persephone Brooks:I think is Dr. Hallaway, where he has ADD himself, he wrote a
Persephone Brooks:book. If you're interested, let let me know. And I'll send that
Persephone Brooks:information. And so what he taught me is, and I was already
Persephone Brooks:on the trend of that already, just from my personal life, and
Persephone Brooks:what AMC is that everything that we see as a negative, there's
Persephone Brooks:always a positive thing connected. Right. Right. And so
Persephone Brooks:one example, doing a conference that he held for parents, who is
Persephone Brooks:helping parents understand that all the negative labels or all
Persephone Brooks:the things that they're seeing in their children are usually
Persephone Brooks:negative labels, and they need to find something positive. My
Persephone Brooks:favourite of this one is there's a mom who raises her hand. Yeah,
Persephone Brooks:you can't help me. But this one, my son is awful. And he's a
Persephone Brooks:well, well tell me about him. And so she describes the
Persephone Brooks:teenager being so lazy, where he's not helping with the
Persephone Brooks:chores, not doing his work, to the beyond the typical teenager
Persephone Brooks:thing. And she's just, I am so sick of him being so lazy. So
Persephone Brooks:that's the thing I want you to fits in, right? Is he's lazy.
Persephone Brooks:What's the positive side of being lazy? I was scratching my
Persephone Brooks:head, because I'm like, what is the positive side of being lazy?
Persephone Brooks:But this author he's like, didn't bat an eye, he's like,
Persephone Brooks:what the positive side is, they're conserving energy. So
Persephone Brooks:basically, doing chores, doing homework is not high on his
Persephone Brooks:values. It's high on mom's values, but not high on kiddos
Persephone Brooks:values. And so mom didn't understand that he's not going
Persephone Brooks:to invest his energy into any projects, that he doesn't see
Persephone Brooks:how it's going to benefit. And as leaders, isn't that exactly
Persephone Brooks:what we are trying to do? How do we motivate the people who are
Persephone Brooks:underneath us or whatever it is, right? Do things, what we would
Persephone Brooks:like them to do? Or what our company needs in order to grow?
Persephone Brooks:Right? But they may not be aligned with that value with
Persephone Brooks:that task? And so it's, it's really challenging about how do
Persephone Brooks:you work with someone who is coming from a different value
Persephone Brooks:than you. And reality is, we all are coming from different
Persephone Brooks:values, my that even if everybody matches the same, our
Persephone Brooks:implementation of those values are going to be different, like
Persephone Brooks:one of my other values is information. But it's not
Persephone Brooks:information or where it's trivial, where I'm gonna go in
Persephone Brooks:jeopardy, and all these wonderful things and answer all
Persephone Brooks:these wonderful questions. Assuming I really don't care. I
Persephone Brooks:don't care, you know, who was born in 1887 in England? Did and
Persephone Brooks:I think it's fascinating. I don't mind learning that. But
Persephone Brooks:it's not something that's, I'm just so determined, you know,
Persephone Brooks:all that information. I find, you know, if I need that
Persephone Brooks:information, I Google it. But information about growth and
Persephone Brooks:personal development, I mean, in neuroscience and all these
Persephone Brooks:different things, those are the things I'm driven to.
Melinda Lee:And so how, so he's this person is conserving the
Melinda Lee:energy. And so like you mentioned, how do leaders if
Melinda Lee:they know that the person has a different value, or I have a set
Melinda Lee:of values, and I want them to also have that value, but they
Melinda Lee:don't, let's just say like they're conserving energy. So
Melinda Lee:how do we find the match? Or how do we understand the other
Melinda Lee:person's values to try to motivate them? Right? Yeah.
Persephone Brooks:And that was one of my big, biggest questions
Persephone Brooks:is how do we, and that's what I kind of feel like a lot of
Persephone Brooks:problems in society, whether it's Democrats or Republicans or
Persephone Brooks:African Americans, against the majority, you know, the miners
Persephone Brooks:versus majority, you know, and so it's so cool is how do they
Persephone Brooks:even do that as well? So luckily, for me, I've been
Persephone Brooks:learning from Demartini a little bit more about how do we work
Persephone Brooks:with people's values? How do we help them? And that means being
Persephone Brooks:that I walked away with, even though I am certified to helping
Persephone Brooks:people to identify their values and answer that question. For
Persephone Brooks:leaders, one is to be able to hire people within their values.
Persephone Brooks:So if you already know that they are in a really good ad
Persephone Brooks:organisation, and being able to communicate, then you wouldn't
Persephone Brooks:necessarily put them in a role where they're doing, you know,
Persephone Brooks:creating projects, right, or sales technique, or, you know,
Persephone Brooks:all these different categories, the goal is to be able to hire
Persephone Brooks:someone based upon their values, because we want them to thrive
Persephone Brooks:in it. And then the other thing is, when it comes to, for this
Persephone Brooks:example, but this mom and this teenager who she labelled as
Persephone Brooks:being lazy, she can look at what is his values, know, in your,
Persephone Brooks:sometimes we have to just ask them or take them through and
Persephone Brooks:walk them through so they can identify their values. And then
Persephone Brooks:you link up her values with their his values.
Melinda Lee:So the values are I'm I like video games, and I
Melinda Lee:like playing with my friends and I like sitting around bingeing
Melinda Lee:TV, then how do you link it? If it's so different? Like you
Melinda Lee:said, they're so polarised?
Persephone Brooks:Each link is different, and all depends on
Persephone Brooks:hyperlinks are one of our values. This is where I really
Persephone Brooks:like it, because it is a moment of play, because you have to
Persephone Brooks:think of how can your value support that value? Mm hmm. It's
Persephone Brooks:not necessarily putting up well, if you do this for me, I will do
Persephone Brooks:this for you, you could do, right. But each other, exactly.
Persephone Brooks:And then, so you could support each other Demartini method
Persephone Brooks:actually has a way where you work with them to understand how
Persephone Brooks:they so for example, is what he used was teachers. So if you
Persephone Brooks:have a teacher who is doing English, and you have a kid who
Persephone Brooks:he wants to play soccer, soccer is life, it's number one. And so
Persephone Brooks:he's not willing to do anything. So he walks us through where
Persephone Brooks:know, you identify specific people, you know, how many of
Persephone Brooks:them had to learn how to communicate, communication is
Persephone Brooks:very, very important in a team, first, you have to be able to
Persephone Brooks:communicate to your coach, then you have to be able to
Persephone Brooks:communicate as a team, a lot of them, they have foreign people,
Persephone Brooks:you know, you know, emits from different countries. So you
Persephone Brooks:have, you know, foreigners with your own native language. And so
Persephone Brooks:being able to communicate is very important, not by just
Persephone Brooks:verbiage, but also writing. Because when we practice
Persephone Brooks:writing, we practice our verbal skills to as well as then you
Persephone Brooks:can give him reading assignments about his favourite, you know,
Persephone Brooks:soccer players, and then you could so, so you build this
Persephone Brooks:wonderful life around helping to span the reading and writing.
Persephone Brooks:You're going to even have the math teacher, skits, you know,
Persephone Brooks:step in, let's, let's watch this. And you know, and, you
Persephone Brooks:know, in order to get the ball this way, they have to do
Persephone Brooks:certain things. So, you know, where does the ball where does
Persephone Brooks:your foot if it could get this far, how you know, and so
Persephone Brooks:there's a lot of math involved in playing soccer. And so
Persephone Brooks:there's so many different ways of doing it, which is why I like
Persephone Brooks:honours classes, because that's kind of the start of this brain
Persephone Brooks:picking of how do you implement these things, but also
Persephone Brooks:homeschool homeschools also wins when these are set up correctly.
Persephone Brooks:And it takes the individuals likes or the topic that the
Persephone Brooks:teacher chose, and find different ways of how to
Persephone Brooks:implement it. And so I feel like that's exactly what we need to
Persephone Brooks:be doing with our people. Right well is maybe in our home, you
Persephone Brooks:know, if you have a child who won't take off, you know, take
Persephone Brooks:up the garbage won't do homework. Rename your values and
Persephone Brooks:find how is your value support them? And how do their highest
Persephone Brooks:value support you? And so you just build up together. So I
Persephone Brooks:have been really excited about the values I, you know, also
Persephone Brooks:very exciting. focusing on solutions really, life is about
Persephone Brooks:really moving forward on our goals. And since we're all
Persephone Brooks:business owners, or working, you know, leaders. All of us have
Persephone Brooks:experienced anxiety at some point we all have, things have
Persephone Brooks:gone wrong, people have done these things. And so it's not
Persephone Brooks:about moving away and focusing only on those problems, because
Persephone Brooks:you'll never going to have enough energy, as you mentioned
Persephone Brooks:before, to the things that really matter. And it's not. And
Persephone Brooks:then like you said, I mean, if all leaders in companies started
Persephone Brooks:to shift, right versus spend so much time trying to fix a
Persephone Brooks:problem, all of our energies shifting over to focusing on not
Persephone Brooks:just goals, but the values that we have and learning to keep
Persephone Brooks:bringing the alignment between my values and your values, we
Persephone Brooks:can make such huge progress.
Melinda Lee:Wow, that's so amazing. You're clearly an
Melinda Lee:expert on this. It's so and I know that our time is running
Melinda Lee:out, do you have to jump off? Do you want to spend a little bit
Melinda Lee:of time talking about your book? Or do you have to jump off?
Persephone Brooks:I could do a little bit.
Melinda Lee:. Yeah. So I know you have a book. So tell me
Melinda Lee:about it.
Persephone Brooks:So the book is in is still in process. So
Persephone Brooks:it's not ready to be published yet. But I decided to write
Persephone Brooks:about these therapy mistakes. And that's the title right now
Persephone Brooks:I'm sitting on. Because people do need me to understand that
Persephone Brooks:when you come to therapy, yes, if you're coming from a place
Persephone Brooks:where, you know, you're a vet, you're trying to make sense of
Persephone Brooks:the world focusing on the problem is normal and natural,
Persephone Brooks:you should. But I know many people who have been going to
Persephone Brooks:therapy for years and never really get any better, you know,
Persephone Brooks:they know they're, it's a great place to events. And therapy is
Persephone Brooks:not necessarily designed for just venting. It's designed or
Persephone Brooks:supposed to be designed for helping people move into improve
Persephone Brooks:life, so we can thrive. And so one of the things that I really
Persephone Brooks:see wrong is obviously focusing on the problem. And because
Persephone Brooks:we're not, we're not supposed to solely focus on the problem, and
Persephone Brooks:the more we focus on the problem, the more you're gonna
Persephone Brooks:see problems, right? And it becomes our identity, almost,
Persephone Brooks:the ego defends it as part of you. Yes, then it becomes a
Persephone Brooks:bigger and bigger problem.
Melinda Lee:Right? Right. And then so all the alternative. So
Melinda Lee:this is what your books about talking about this, some of the
Melinda Lee:mistakes that are happening right now,
Persephone Brooks:right?
Melinda Lee:And how much more impactful we can be when we are,
Melinda Lee:at least we under maybe we have a good understanding about what
Melinda Lee:we want to do or what some of the problems are, but then not
Melinda Lee:staying there. Right? Understanding that helps you to
Melinda Lee:relate to other people that also are going through it. And then
Melinda Lee:and then but then really finding more connection, and meaning
Melinda Lee:around more of who you are based on values. And then asking other
Melinda Lee:people to help you to develop it and finding alignment with other
Melinda Lee:people and their values. And therefore you're making more
Melinda Lee:productive, you're more productive that way. Because
Melinda Lee:you're contributing, you're building relationships and right
Melinda Lee:and then unleashing your voice.
Persephone Brooks:Right, when I see problems I see is how many
Persephone Brooks:of the things come in in our inbox. So it's time to clean our
Persephone Brooks:inbox over and over and over and over. That's going to drain all
Persephone Brooks:your energy to respond to the most important things.
Melinda Lee:Right. Right. Right. Yes.
Persephone Brooks:And so you're not going to have an empty inbox.
Melinda Lee:Right? Right. No
Persephone brooks:And that's what we kind of want in life.
Persephone brooks:Right? Right. What can we do to avoid all problems or pain in
Persephone brooks:anything that makes me feel uncomfortable? Sorry, reality is
Persephone brooks:you're going to experience those things even as you move forward
Persephone brooks:to the things that you like. So your options are solely only
Persephone brooks:focused on the problems, which means you can only talk about
Persephone brooks:about their problems. Problems are always going to be there. I
Persephone brooks:don't know how many of you know of drama queens and drama kings
Persephone brooks:and life is spent around these problems. But we also know many
Persephone brooks:wonderful, famous individals both in business and non
Persephone brooks:business where they are solely focusing on their highest
Persephone brooks:values, all, all of them, their dreams are within their highest
Persephone brooks:values. And because they're so aligned when these so called
Persephone brooks:problems pop up, but like, no other problem I can hear, at
Persephone brooks:first we might go and freak out. They're like, okay, whatever,
Persephone brooks:I'm just going to just write, no, take the next best step,
Persephone brooks:which is actually the other trick that will be shared in the
Persephone brooks:book is, you know, they just go for it, they just just move,
Persephone brooks:they don't allow that to, to, I have to focus on my problem. And
Persephone brooks:once I have this problem gone, then I will go back and you
Persephone brooks:know, in real goals,
Melinda Lee:right? Right. The trick is finding the highest
Melinda Lee:value and what is truly highest for you, regardless of what
Melinda Lee:everybody's thinking, regardless of what the world says. But
Melinda Lee:that's the key. Right? And so when you do that, take the time
Melinda Lee:to do that either through John martinis website or reaching out
Melinda Lee:to her Persephonie, of finding that highest value for yourself
Melinda Lee:those highest values. And isn't that funny that I think when we
Melinda Lee:do that, and we're so focused on it, then all those other
Melinda Lee:problems just naturally work itself out?
Persephone brooks:ephoRight? Exactly. And I found that more
Persephone brooks:than 50% of our of the problems, if you focus on your goals that
Persephone brooks:is rooted in your highest values, right? They disappear,
Persephone brooks:they fall off, they don't really matter. Right? Right. Right, or
Persephone brooks:not as bothered by them. And so we put so much emphasis on
Persephone brooks:problems. And yes, problems is a part of life, but it, it's about
Persephone brooks:where we focus, we can focus on the problem, which means we're
Persephone brooks:going always gonna get more problems, which means we're
Persephone brooks:gonna be in pain and depressed and anxiety and lifesongs. And
Persephone brooks:all those negative thoughts is going to overwhelm us. Or we
Persephone brooks:could focus on our highest values that supports our goals
Persephone brooks:of being great leaders, and move forward.
Melinda Lee:Knowing that we will run into problems. It's not
Melinda Lee:about getting rid of them. It's about growing through them. Yes,
Melinda Lee:yes. Growing through them, and expanding beyond them and, and
Melinda Lee:reaching more people. helping more people.
Melinda Lee:I love that. Thank you, Persephone. That's beautiful
Melinda Lee:that thank you being thank you for sharing your insight. Really
Melinda Lee:appreciate all the work that you do at the Counselling Centre,
Melinda Lee:your therapy, your private sessions, and I can't wait to
Melinda Lee:see your book and read it.
Melinda Lee:I'll keep you posted. Yes, yes. Thank you so much. And thank you
Melinda Lee:all for joining until next episode. I'll see you later.
