How to be Happy Despite the Circumstances? - Regini Michaels

Welcome to Soul Talk. The podcast founded and created by Monica Romirez, the warrior of love. Soul Talk was created in 2020 when a pandemic hit, and we were in lockdown. She wanted to have exciting conversations with open minded people, so they could understand different aspects of herself, and she could help others in the same way. She interviews, healers, coaches, therapists, psychics, readers, channelers, mediums, intellectuals, poets, artists, and more. She calls it Soul Talk, because it started as a conversation from soul to soul.

Hi, everyone. This is Monica Ramirez, warrior of love. And we're in Soul Talk and Podapalooza. Today we have a very important person because actually, she's going to talk about one of the things that all human beings we, we have to have. That is how to center ourselves. We're going to go deeper. And her name is Regini Michaels. So Regini, thank you so much for accepting the invitation personal talk with and talking with me. And let us know a little bit about you a little bit about who you are.

Sure. I come from the Midwest in America. And my story is one that is not one of awfulness at all, I'm pretty much had a pretty nice growing up, and pretty much everything middle class America, and yet, I was very miserable, unhappy all the time. So in my young age, I decided that there had to be another way but I couldn't find it, he could not find it anywhere. And I went to school, you know, I got my degree and did the whole thing and ended up going to India and doing meditation retreats and having a guru and doing an ashram, as well as then love becoming an Neuro Linguistic Programming trainer, NLP, where I trained in the States, I started doing certification trainings in the States and all around Europe and in India, actually, as well. So I've had about 40 years of experience working with product lines, and doing courses created number of courses based on the major insight that changed my life so that I was no longer miserable, from morning till night. And it happened one day, I just want to tell you, because I mean, you can be miserable, even if you're very middle class, and you pretty much have everything, you know, and you can still be pretty sad and unhappy all the time, which I was. And I know there are many people like that and many spiritual seekers who were as frustrated as I was, I'd been looking for something to make me happy for for really quite a few years, I think I was 40 when I finally hit the big insight to change things. I was sitting on the a wall outside of an ashram where I was in India. And you know, I was thinking to myself, Oh my gosh, here I am in supposedly the best place to learn how to be happy and to meet your soul and your spirit and discover who you are. And I'm still miserable. And this has been how many years right? So along while I was sitting there bemoaning my fate, this beggar came up and he was dressed in course in tatters, he had no shoes on, he had his hands out like this begging for alms. And you know, there are lots of beggars in India, but this will caught my eye and I looked up and his eyes were just like shining, you know, he was just like, brilliant. And I thought, What is this dude managed to have this coming out of his eyes and a smile on his face? That was so amazing with no teeth, yet no teeth, but beautiful. That's it? How does he do them? If it were me, I would be you know, running to the drugstore, doing something or hiding, you know something to make myself more acceptable. But in that moment, what happened is I had a very, very, very big insight. And I discovered that he had a way to be happy despite his circumstances. Now that sounds trite. But what happened was I realized that I had decided that the only way to be happy was to have zero unhappiness, zero anxieties, zero stress, zero not knowing what was going to happen in my life. And it just shocked me so to realize if this man could be in those circumstances, and have that kind of a smile and that kind of energy and be that content with his circumstances. I think that I was doing something wrong in the way I was looking at happiness. And that was the beginning of my next 35 years, essentially, of learning how to not only take the idea of how do you make unhappiness, something that you can weave into your picture of happiness, but also how to create a course and a program that could help other people learn how to do that as well. I know that a lot of people who are meditators and concentrators and have gurus themselves in everything go through that same kind of thing that I did, where you kind of beat yourself up. And it just seemed like, the first thing that needed to be done was to find out how he did that. He thought, what, what was different in the way he was looking at life than the way I was looking at life. So I dedicated the past 35 years of my life to figuring all that out with the help of a lot of other people, particularly meditators and contemplate errs spiritual seekers, and came up with a six step process, which is in my book, unflappable, six steps to staying happy, centered, and peaceful, no matter what I'll tell you, when my publisher put that no matter what on there, I freaked out. I mean, oh, my God, you can't tell people no matter what. But as the years have gone by, and life has gotten better, and I've been happier, and I've worked with people all over the all over the globe, really with this process. And it makes a difference, once you have a different way to look at what's going on in your life, so that you can be happy. My background in NLP and my work of 40 years of working with clients in teaching led me to understand that part of the reason why it was so hard to be able to get the idea of how to allow unhappiness to be in your life, was because there was something in your brain that needed to expand, we needed a new neural pathway in our brain that could carry such an idea, we didn't have that. And that idea came from being in neuro linguistic programming for so long. And working with the unconscious mind, which has so many objections, so many objections to the idea of being happy unless everything is going perfectly well. Right. So I've dedicated the last 35 years of my life to sort of figuring out how to put that into a process that I could share with other people. And that's while I'm running a private practice and teaching, so that's kind of my story.

I do love NLP, I am an NLP to myself, I haven't an encounter with my clients to that's one of the easiest ways to actually go to the subconscious, that I call it the, the, this the subconscious mind, but it's a system operative system of the human brain, where it's everything is located in there. And we had so many things in there. And it's so important to go there. I have seen so many practice and so many metals, that they use water to uncover the part that is on top to learn something, and the people will feel amazing, they will feel great. But because they don't want to the root is just going to flourish, again is gonna grow work. And

You have to get down to the root of things. And you know, what I'm part of what I did in this process was I looked at mystics, who were the only people that seemed to be really able to live in the way that beggar was living. So that would no matter what was happening, they were able to stay happy, calm, centered, you know, peaceful, because most of us when we lose our calm, then we start to get freaked out that we're going to lose our center. And then when we lose our center, because we lost our calm, then we lose our presence. And suddenly, We're so screwed, right? Because we don't know what to do about that. So I looked at them the psychology of mistakes, the psychology, not their spirituality, over a long, long, long time period, both dead and living mistakes. And there were some things that were exactly the same in their psychology that barely even existed in my ordinary psychology. And so because of NLP, I was able to make a model of the mystic psychology and then start comparing my ordinary psychology to the mystic psychology and seeing what was different. And that's where those six steps came from as a way to help shift the psychology so that we're more able to go down into that depth you were speaking about, you know, more willing and able to tolerate what we find there and, and be at ease with it. You know, it's just so fascinating. But we all want to be happy. But I found that if people's definition of happiness is no unhappiness, that's really the root of the problem is how we're looking at it. It's our attitude towards it. So a lot of my work is really about helping people shift their attitude towards unhappiness, actually, towards negativity and the urge to get rid of it is something that we sort of have to transcend a little bit so that we can be more at ease, and find this pattern that goes on in life between opposites. You know, the happiness, sadness, you know, rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, fat, thin, you know, they're all there we all choose is one and not the other. And we waste so much time and energy trying to get rid of something that I really discovered. And I think we all know, at some level, you can't really get rid of the darker side of life, you know, it's there. And so if we can learn how to relax with it, and we have to have a certain understanding or a certain perspective to do that, and that perspective is what I picked up from the mystic psychology and help people understand more and then work to change their brain, change their unconscious mind a little bit. So it's more open, it's quite, it's quite amazing how it works. And it's a lot of fun as well to do working with people.

like we have, I bet we have met many people that are very rich, and is not enough, or they have it all. But it is not enough. Or there is nothing not enough, if they don't realize were there. Or whatever they have, or they're appreciative or grateful, or what do they have? Correct? How do you with us talking to people that is never going to be enough? I mean, everything that they want it and they have it and is still not enough?

Well, normally what I say to people like that is you know, there's another dimension of you that you're not attending to. And that's the spiritual dimension, that's the inside aspect, you know, which is really the spiritual dimension is inside, really not outside. So gratitude, of course, helps people a lot to make a big, big jump in, you know, contentment that goes on. But still, contentment isn't quite the same as happiness, you know, it's an aspect of it. And we really want to be happy. For me, I asked people to look at that poll to be happy not not to get rid of the unhappiness, but to look at the poll to be happy. And imagine what if that were coming from something inside of them that had the answer? For happiness, that what if we're born with it, what am what whether we call it soul or spirit, or the divine, or whatever label we want to give to that thing inside, I encourage people who have that that difficulty that you were describing, to make the shift and to start looking inside and you know, start simple meditation contemplation, but I just throw them right into my work, my own work about, you know, let's just look at your relationship to being unhappy. You know, let's look at it, you know, and let's see what's missing. And what it is you think is going to make you happy. And of course, most people have no idea. But that's where the spiritual opens, and we start a whole new segment of the journey. If you haven't, if you've been totally focused externally on things and objects, then the next only other place to go is inside. And for most people, that's a little scary. So that's the first step, you know, prep after practicing gratitude and seeing some shift, then we got to get really clear and go, you know, Albert Einstein once said, The most important question to answer is, is the universe a friendly place? And if you say, yes, you're heading in the right direction, if you say no, you are bound to have a life with a great deal more stress, strain, difficulty challenges, that you won't know what to do with. Alright, so I try and send people on a different track when they're have everything. You know, I didn't have everything, but I had enough, you know, so that I wasn't miserable, no horrible diseases, no hideous family things going on. It was pretty non committal life, actually. But when you have that you do get complacent, and you get bored. And then you start wanting more external things, right? To push you into a sense of aliveness again. And when you can find that there's that there's so much amazement about what's going on inside of us, you know, when you get a knack for navigating that, it can change everything, as you probably already know. Yeah, it's an amazing world. And there

it is. The story that you were saying, at the beginning, remind me of Buddha, Buddha was became a beggar for a while. And from being a king, to a beggar in key change, not only his life's a change to this day in many people's lives. Yeah. And having no no having doesn't give you the happiness. It is so again, having or not having, it doesn't give you and this is how you observe the life that you're living in that moment.

It's interesting. I mean, you say the truth is, it's all in how you look at something. It's all in your perspective, happiness and unhappiness with so many of us know that. We say it to other people, we believe it ourselves, but our brain and body had not a clue how to live that how to change that attitude, to a degree that really makes us content with whatever we have, you know whether it's good It was bad. About three and a half years ago due to COVID. And the sudden disappearance of my entire private practice, I had to go live, I didn't move out of where I lived in Seattle, and I had to stay with family and friends for three and a half years. And I'm just moving into a new house now. And I will say that the, that experience changed me so much, you know, because it was a loss of everything that I was comfortable with, and thrusting me into new scenarios and situations and getting along with people and everything I was forced to explore, can I be happy doing this? You know, so? And if not, what's my attitude? So you do have to work with your attitude. And I think just even understanding that your perspective is really the key in relationship to happiness. Most of us I know, so many people, we know it up here, but we can't live it and that's the piece that we're I feel like my work can help people get developed the knack for how to take a really positive attitude that doesn't, that doesn't dislike negativity, okay? And, and help a person embody that in a way that lets their brain change and their unconscious mind change. So, you know, it's tough,

and only that actually has saved our dark side is really that, but also learning how to tame our own ego. Because the ego is the one that makes us feel happy. At the end.

It's, it's, I mean, that's a tough one. I mean, ego is like, you know, the king of the hill. And it just was it never, ever wants to shut up. Right. But I think and that's why I think when we go inside, and we realize there's something greater in us, that wants to transcend being human, not stop being human, but have a way to get the bigger picture, you know, to rise above it, so that you, you're still feeling it, you're not, you know, become numb or dead or anything. In fact, you feel it more, but you have a whole different attitude about it, and you're more detached. Paradoxically, you're more alive, even though you're more attached. And at this point in my life, I'm focusing totally on paradox. I mean, I'm starting a new program called the Enneagram of paradox, to help us look at how we need to be able to embrace both sides of every coin, you know, whether it's beautiful and ugly, or happy or sad, or, you know, any of the things rich or poor health or feel. Anyway, it is that that's part of the key to being happy and having a bigger perspective on things so that you can be happy, centered and peaceful. No matter what takes work, though. I mean, there's no question about that. It's not I don't have a magic wand, you know, it goes through you got it. Don't have that takes work.

That's what I tell my clients, no one has a magic wand. You have to do the work.

You do? And maybe knowing that and finally acting on it is the magic wand. Who knows? Just knowing that finally making your peace with it? Yeah.

Because imagine anyone who lives inside of us who doesn't live outside of us, or no one, process it for someone else.

It's very, very true. I just love your voice. It's so wonderful. It's just great. I can listen to you all day with that voice

is really appreciated. Thank you. I another question they have, because when you're describing your book, you really fascinate me about being centered. And that is so important, because that's where we lose ourselves when we lose our center. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Yeah, yeah. Once you start understanding that the nature of life is dualistic, that we're living in something where you can't get rid of half of a polarity, you can't. So if you've got, you know, a happiness, there's going to be sadness, I'll just stay with a simple one, right? Or if you're alone, there's going to be the opposite of together. So once you grasp that you can't get rid of one of those, because they are a unified whole. This is one thing I learned from the mistakes, they saw polar opposites as one unified whole, there was a unity between them and a flow, okay, flow that goes from one to the other. You know, one of the interesting things is one of their highest values, the mystics values, was movement. And the thing about understanding that is that if there's there's like a pattern hidden in the flow of, of life, you know, the flow of change, and the pattern is taking you back and forth between the opposites that are in each circumstance or situations. The thing that's funny about it is you you only pass the balance point as you go back and forth. You pass the point in the middle, we use an infinity loop a lot of course, and you pass the balance point and then life's movement can keeps you going and you come back and you pass the balance point, you pass the balance point, and you really can't stop the movement. Right, you have to go with it. So to really find the kind of balance that I think is practical, because I'm very much about practical wisdom, you want to learn what that dynamic is. So you literally can go with the flow, and then you're able to stay more balanced, because you don't lose yourself on one side or the other, you know, oh, I'm happy, I'm gonna claim to that, Oh, my God, no, I'm going into unhappiness. Now, this is horrible, you know, then we lose the center. And you're gonna go back the other way you eventually, and when, and that's really what my work is about is helping people to go with the flow, because that is the next level of balance, can when you can go with the flow of life, the actual movement, then you have a deeper understanding of what balance means. And it's not a noun, it turns into a verb balancing is what we need to go for not balanced, it's balancing, so that we're constantly in, in the flow of movement, that is life itself, life has no place where it stops moving.

Doesn't, and just thinking that nothing stops moving. At the same time, we're always going to have our ups. But now whether we go on our UPS, we know we're gonna go our downs. But we're not going to stay in our downs forever. Neither. Right? Always bring hope. And we're going to pass to the new more than we will walk also more than we're going to go down. So that is correct to know that. So it is the important part. And yes, we can feel emotions going up. And we have to be aware that we're going to go down,

Right? Absolutely. And once we're aware of that, then it becomes easier to be content with it to trust the flow, that is going to be that way it's going to be up and then you're going to go into that that old phrase, this too shall pass, whether it's negative or positive is so helpful, you know, but I think in order for them for this age, where we're living now, in this timeframe, there's so much chaos, there's so much uncertainty, which generates stress and anxiety. And you we have to know how to ride the waves of stress and anxiety because they're not going away. So I think that understanding the nature of duality and opposites and paradox, is really helpful to develop the resilience that we need to be able to make it through this time, wherever, what however, it's going to turn out, we need more equanimity, more balance, less ambiguity, less ambivalence, you know, so it doesn't take us over all the time. You know, like, I feel ambivalent, what should I do? What should I do, and pretty soon, I'm just like a mess, and I can barely move. That isn't help at all. But if I understand the dynamic that is happening, and that life is trying to find somewhere where it's going to land for like a second, because that's all it does. And then we can find more ability to just go with the flow, which allows us to stay calmer, more autonomous, more resilient, which allows us to stay more centered, so that we're not losing, you can still act, even if you're detached, you just got more clarity, you know, more wisdom, and then you can be present to whatever's going on whether it's positive or negative, without getting lost in like EA, this is what I want to happen, or oh my god, this is horrible. Right? Both of which are there. So, yeah.

But you didn't between the horrible emotions or situations were at. There is always something to learn from them. Yes. Whereas the key.

That's the attitude, isn't it? I mean, without the attitude that life is really about learning. It's almost impossible to be happy. Right? You really have to embrace it. I'm so glad you brought that up. Because that's like, one of the key fundamentals right for for how to navigate the ups and downs of our daily lives. You know, and you know, you can go into a monastery, I mean, I've spent I've spent lots of time and in meditation retreats, and in an ashram, and all that kind of stuff. But you still have to come back out here. And if you can't bring it out here, what good is it? Right? You know.

Yes, I have been in many ceremonies, and many have been in Sundance or something like that, and it feels great. Yeah, because you don't have to deal with a daily life of the 3d world. Yes, yeah. cetera. But in reality, where we learn everything that we the daily life, has where we grow, and that's where we learn. That's where we anchor our knowledge in there, and that's where we get this But at the same time, how we're going to react to certain situations or people or whatever. Yeah.

And and it's where we have the opportunity to discover who we are beyond our mind and body and emotions. And that's the real prize of course, when we start to get into that arena, and understand we're more than we ever thought and who we are is not who we thought we were. And what a freedom and joy is that that is just the best as ever. Then life becomes more fun, as well as centered and peaceful and calm. Yeah, that's so thank you for bringing that up. Because that's like so key.

Yes, it is. It's been really a pleasure to have you ready? I'm sorry. Regini

it's actually Regini. It's Rrgini. It sounds like mahogany.

Oh, okay. That you would like to add

Something else something else to add? You know, yeah, I usually close out my things with a quote, one of my favorite quotes is from a mystic named in their saga data is no longer with us now. But the quote is, love tells me I am everything. wisdom tells me I am nothing between these two, my life flows. That is really beautiful. Thank you, Monica. It's been so lovely talking with you. It's so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Here in the description of this podcast. Just gonna be a way you can get a hold of her and also to buy her book. And thank you for being in Seoul talk. This is Monica Ramirez the warrior of love. Thank you so much.