What To Do When You Are Discouraged EP:28

Hello, my friends and welcome. You're listening to soul inspired decisions, a podcast for ordinary moms living extraordinary lives. My intention with this podcast is to teach, motivate and inspire by sharing stories, tools and strategies to help you unlock your greatest fears, annoying habits and old stories and make a move towards the things that have been on your heart. If you have been a little lost, or in a funk, and want to reconnect with your purpose, your passion and feel empowered again, then this is the best place for you to be hanging out. My name is Carrie Lecuyer. And I'm an ordinary mom making extraordinary decisions. This is me putting one foot in front of the other, moving towards my next goal, and hoping to inspire you along the way. Let's get started. Hello, and welcome. So happy to be here with you today. And thanks for joining me it's family day here in Alberta. And it's a very cool day. Again, we are up here and it feels like minus 35. So mostly we've been inside today we did a little cupboard cleaning, annual cover cleaning, and we went skating practice, boys wanted to practice their skating skills. So we grabbed some hockey sticks and Pucks and helmets, of course, and boys did their thing on the ice for an hour. And it's so fun to see them ripping along and crashing and all the things that come along with kids, they've tears and the accomplishments and the smiles and the frustration all the things as they're learning to skate. So that's our family day today. Not too exciting. And I'm recording here this afternoon. And today I want to talk to you about discouragement. I am curious to know how you deal with discouragement cuz it could be very relevant and what's going on with you right now. So discouragement is having the last competence or enthusiasm to continue on the path that you are sure you are on the path that you thought served a purpose. Or maybe it did at the time maybe does not any longer. But you're feeling the word and you didn't know what the word was until maybe you just started right now, but it's discouragement. So we know when you just are I guess just when you think you have figured things all out, and you're moving towards something that you thought you really wanted, and then you come to a halt. And some of you have been discouraged. And what that can cause is loss of hope. Loss of your vision, your dream. So my question for you today is when you're trying to accomplish something, and it's not going well, what do you do? How do you handle it. So you want to look at your patterns, your stories that you may be telling yourself. And so when things aren't going well, something fails, someone makes fun of you, you feel discouraged, and you want to sit in front of Netflix all day, or scroll on social media, you're in a place where you just want to quit, hide, not socialize, not be acknowledged, not talk about what's going on, you just want to numb yourself out of what's happening because you don't know how to think or feel because you were thought you were on a path. And now it's no longer the path because you don't know what's going on. You can probably hear my kids in the background because of course, they're home because it's a holiday. So sorry about that.

But even I feel discouraged sometimes doing these kinds of things. But I'll get into that a little bit later back. When you're feeling discouraged. Maybe right now with whatever you got going on in your life. Maybe you thought maybe you thought you were depressed and you didn't know what you're feeling. Because they can kind of bring up or feel like the same sort of thing dark and lonely and lost and you're just not sure what path you are headed down. But in fact, when you just look at it, as you've just lost that confidence or enthusiasm to continue on that path, we want to check in to see if that path is right for you. Or maybe you just need to shift in and go switch paths switch a different direction. So it may not be depression at all. And you just look need to look at something completely different. But they can act very similar. And then we think we're as Mom's going down a path again, or something's coming up again, or you just don't want to deal with something. Whatever's happening in your life to make you feel this way or these things. So let's look at discouragement and whatever happening. And I just want you to know that it is, it is normal, and it happens to everyone. And it happens at all different times in life, even when we think we've got things really figured out. So it creeps up on us. And the number one thing you can identify that happens when we are discouraged and why we get discouraged, and you can probably pinpoint what happened or when it happened, is comparison. That's the number one thing that causes discouragement. Comparison, is the devil for us when we have goals. Don't compare yourself to someone else's story. We all do this, and it drags us down. And it drags us down very quickly, especially if you're on a path that we so wholeheartedly wanted. And then we do the comparison talk. And it is the number one thing for sure. That causes discouragement. Most discouragement comes when we compare ourselves to others in situations of how others are doing, how others are looking how they are living their life. So to deal with discouragement emotionally or practically right now is to first acknowledge where you are at, in what you are doing.

And the one thing you can start right now today is promising yourself to acknowledge what you've been doing, if you're feeling this way. And to really stop and check into what part of your day you're doing that, why you're doing it, how it feels because it can feel really hard. And it's just a looping story that we tell ourselves when we start looking at other people what they're doing. And this happens quite often, when we start building a business, when we start doing a program or a course we sign up to start on a journey that we so really wanted to feel it's time to move on, move forward. We're in, we start, we start getting healthy, we start training for the race, we start reading the books, we start getting help, and then we get in and all these emotions come up and feelings come up. And we quickly distract ourselves by let's see what this person is doing. Are we here but that person over there her story was and, and quickly we are forming these stories in our brains, though. We're I'm not there. And it happens to all of us. Like every single one of us, she's running faster than me, she's got more followers than me, that's a huge one on social media, she's got more followers, she's got more likes, she's got more engagement, she's got a bigger brand like that can shoot people down so quickly to where they don't feel worthy or in it or there's a chance. And then you start losing momentum of what you're actually building to begin with. Another one I hear of all the time, there's Oh, your kids are so much more adventurous than mine. Or they're so much more confident than mine. Or they're growing so much faster, or they're quicker to understand. That's just simple comparison in a mom's world. She's losing weight faster than me she's getting back into she's lost the baby weight faster than me. Her family looks so much more beautiful, they look great, they look so happy. And guys, we all know that the family photos that we all take they are like they are bribed, we bribe our kids to smile we grow up bribe our kids to to look at the camera we it to get kids dressed, especially young kids dressed for pictures and to get them in one place and to and to smile and do other things. I don't know any mom who has honestly said it's been a joyful experience. It's really chaotic to have fun pictures. So just know that it really just as a picture, you do all the work for one smiling picture. And and it then we compare ourselves to others based on what somebody else's family photo looks like. But for me, we do family photos, they're extremely stressful. They're not fun at all. But we got the photos, you got the memories. And then the long run everybody doesn't like to come back. But the mom always remembers my husband always remembers how stressful it is and not fun. So acknowledge that if you're comparing yourself to other people's photos and images and things to what you're doing in your brain because that is you doing that that's not anyone else. That's your your mindset and your thinking. So if you have a path and you're on it, and you're looking for how to self sabotage, that's one way so and another way lots of people do it is looking at people what people are driving the house they have what's in their house. The kids are wearing comparison that way is also detrimental to dreams and hopes and, and some self sabotaging, it becomes quickly, the quickest way to discourage ourselves from any, any clear path that we want seen. And ladies, we all do this, every single one of us gets discouraged, every single one of us compares ourselves. Because we all start small, we all have to start somewhere, and it starts really small. And when we look around at what others achieve, we think that, oh my gosh, they have so much. And we forget that their story, that they have a story on how they built what they have, or how they got to what they have. And what we're not seeing is that they may have taken 10 years to get there, they may have taken 20 years to complete the university degree, that all of a sudden, they're showing their certificate online, we don't know the backstory of that, we just know that that person's achieved that in in our world, you know, we snap there, it's like we snapped our fingers, and they have it. But in their world, it could have taken them 20 years to get there. So we don't know, we don't know other people's stories. And we quickly assume when we see a photo of what else others are doing, or driving by and see what others have. And that becomes a habit that we need to identify and break because really, it's kind of it is a discouragement, but it's also a bit of jealousy that we don't have that. And it's not a mean jealousy, it's just we get exhausted. For all the things that we're doing or trying to improve. And we just don't know how to act, the the thing that comes up is jealousy. And then we have these self sabotaging thoughts and then all of a sudden, we're not motivated, not excited, not it's too much work. It's we have all the excuses. And really, it's really our stories that come up. And then we're starting back at square one of should I really even be doing this? So what I want you to know is that what you if you have a vision, if you have something on your mind that you really want to accomplish and do. Don't compare yourself to other people. Instead, ask, Am I following my truth, maybe you've been working on or towards something that's been on your heart or your mind for a couple years. And one of the things I see in a lot of my talks with people with clients or in audiences, if something is on your mind and on your heart, and you say it out loud three times, it's really you are really meant to do it, you're really meant to move forward on that.

So what's important to you, and the path that you are on? Do you really believe that this is what you truly want? Do you feel alive when you are working on the thing? And do you still want to achieve it even though you know, it's going to be a journey, because if it doesn't make you feel alive, then maybe it's not the thing anymore that you're supposed to be doing. And that might be hard to hear. But it really is something you need to examine and look at, not what makes you compare yourself to others. But to stay in your own lane. If it's truly what you're meant to do, is how you will move forward really quickly. Walking our own path can be very discouraging, also. So once you've decided that you're full on in, it can be very discouraging, because no one else is gonna join you because it's your own journey. It can be very lonely, people won't understand. And you have to be you have to really have committed to the thing that you're after and going after. Because there's going to be more discouragement down the path, especially when things get hard. And through anybody's journey things are always hard. There's a there's ebbs and flows to everyone's journey. So now here's something else to consider. If you constantly feel discouraged and unmotivated, too tired to do the thing. And it's really time to ask yourself, and so get ready for this, because this, this will be a quick answer for yourself. So if you're feeling discouraged, unmotivated, too tired to do the thing, you may wonder what's up. So this is looking deep into maybe this isn't really what you want to do. It was part of what you wanted to do at one time, it was clearly something you wanted to do. It is no longer what your vision or your heart really wants. But if you do, you will have clarity and ask yourself if this is really the path your soul wants to go down or go through. We know in our deepest part of our soul. We are on the wrong path because you will feel it. So whatever is on your mind and on your heart, just take a deep breath in, let it out and just ask yourself, whatever is on your heart and on your mind. So this could be family, friends, education, finances, relationships. Well, it could be anything that you're looking to build, grow, have. Is it really the thing that you want right now? So if it's a heck yes, like, you totally know, you have this really light feeling to yourself, like it's in your heart, it's you feel good, you might feel a little butterflies or a tingling in your shoulders. That's a clear sense of us. This is truly the thing that I want to work on. So now here's the thing. If you breathe in and breathe out, and you ask yourself, this is the thing that I really want to do. And you get this really deep turning in your stomach, like it's deep and it's noticeable. That's, that's your gut feeling, saying? No, that's typically giving you a really strong soul answer. And there's two different feelings. So when we have a light feeling, it feels really light and airy and exciting. But the feeling of no is a really gut wrenching. Stomach turning No. And we often don't recognize these because we ignore them. But that's exactly what's happening. When your heart and your soul and your body align, is taking up all the energy around you, and your knowledge and the answers within you and giving you what you want. Now it's up to you to identify and recognize, because if it's a heck yes, then you really have just found clarity that that's really what you want to do and move forward with. Doesn't matter what anybody else is doing, you will start making movements toward that. And if it's a no, maybe it's just the way you were going about it. Or maybe it needs to shift a little bit. Or maybe you need to completely revamp what it is you're trying to do or achieve or move about in your new plan for finding your soul's purpose, your happiness, training, motivation, whatever you're looking to do, maybe it just looks a little different. And you just need to tweak it or move it a little bit. That's just doing some new vision work.

So if you have your answer, so the wrong job, the wrong job for you can really be soul sucking and draining over time. And the money may be good, the benefits are great holidays are what you want. You've worked into them, you've got all the time you need. You know the job inside and out. So it's mindless, and you find yourself dreading going to work, you find yourself tired, you don't want to go to work, you're unmotivated, you're annoyed, maybe you're unknowingly causing drama, at work or complaining at work too much. And you actually don't even know you're doing this. But I'm asking you right now to stop and acknowledge where you are. And this can be life. So if you're talking about someone all the time, or something's not going well on a club, or where are you at with this, why are you unhappy? Because unhappy is means that you need to shift something doesn't mean you need to quit. But it means may mean you need to shift something else in your life to make this if leaving this job is completely undoable. Maybe it's something else in your life that you need to shift and new hobby and new idea, a new a promotion or any sort of new training can help you shift your whole mindset to love your job again, if you don't want to leave or you're looking to grow your business or team or whatever it is you have going on. So we are not confident in what we're doing. We are not empowered. We are not creative. We feel like we don't have the freedom to do things and it's really challenging when we are not doing what lights us up. So be honest if you're feeling discouraged in life work money, health, career motivation, friendships, family, just be honest. Have you been comparing yourself in any of those areas to make you feel? discouraged? So if you've just said yes or no because this is really just a yes or no question. Have you been comparing yourself to others? Yes or no? So have you been measuring yourself to others? Success, yes or no? You have those answers. Those are true to you, you notice they come to your mind first, that the answer's no, you are in alignment with your soul's journey. And you may need to find some tweaking revamp what it is you're after. And you will get back in alignment with what you're wanting to do and move forward quite quickly. And if the answer is yes, you have been comparing, you need to figure out in what area and why. And what is the benefit for you? What are you getting out of it by comparing yourself because it's bringing you down and making you feel discouraged? So what are you truly getting out of it? And maybe it is, lack of, I don't even know what could be. Procrastination could be a very big part of it. If you you're looking to procrastinate, because you don't know what the next step might be just as simple as that. So if you are, if we come back to the light feeling, you know, when you ask yourself, if this is what I really want to do, and you have this really light, airy feeling, yes, this is what I'm really meant to do, then you really need to examine your next steps. So for me, this podcasting is it's something I really wanted to do for a couple years, but then doing it is really hard. So I can leave it 100% I can walk away from it. That's not a problem. I have everything set up, I can leave it sit, I can let it go. I can disguise the limit. And really, I don't need to move forward. I can, whatever. So I need to ask myself when things are tough, and it doesn't feel like it's going very well. And am I liking it? Well, there are parts that I like, is it something that I want to quit like I could, someone said you could just quit? Or but I don't like I'm not a quitter, I don't quit, that doesn't actually feel good to me. So it's not That's not what I want to do. So what is it? What is not feeling aligned with me? So I need to go down the steps of why isn't this feeling so good? And then I was also asked a question on, if you don't like it, then how can you keep you keep doing it? So this is episode 28. And someone pointed out if you're at 28, you don't get there to 28 If you don't like doing it, okay, so that's very true. So I'm analyzing all these answers that I'm getting from myself. I'm getting the feedback from other people.

What is it I'm looking for? What is it that's happening here? So for me digging deep on why am I not moving forward? Why do I feel so discouraged? The answer came to me that it's very lonely. It's not a two way conversation. You know, having conversation with my clients and being engaging in front of audiences is really fun for me. And this, there's no one talking back to me. It's just me hanging out by myself speaking. And it feels really lonely to me. So trying to figure out ways to move forward with my podcasts on what I've what was my why when I started what was my why now do things need to shift to I need to talk to, to about different ideas or topics, really looking at? Why do I feel so discouraged? Somedays on this whole pockets thing, because I don't have training, it's not my background meet media, communications is not my background, I am learning as I go. And sometimes it feels really tough. And then sometimes we get these beautiful messages. And we feel I feel back in alignment again. So I swear to god that whenever I feel discouraged, and I'm not going to do it, I always get one to two messages on those days on how much you listeners have enjoyed them. And those are really what do keep me going is when you share and when you send me messages of how and what has related to you. And that gives me the the alignment that I need. This is what I want to do. Because being a teacher being a coaching, career development and personal development, it has i i fell into it and it became so natural to me. So I know it's the area I'm supposed to be. And speaking in front of audiences and speaking in front of workshops and people and talking one on one is so natural to me. So I know that is in alignment with what I want to do. Maybe other pieces aren't so I need to look at where I'm getting discouraged and where I need to move from there. How I feel you guys probably get a bit of what I'm saying on how to analyze what you're going through and where you're stopping and where you're starting. And just knowing that what I'm talking about is not for everybody. So when I first started going to mom GROUPS GOING TO mom groups, even though I'm with a bunch of women, and kids and I wanting to be there for my kids, I found it really draining and exhausting, because now understanding more of where I'm coming from, from doing all sorts of work and shadow work and what I like and don't like, I'm really like my kids. And I really like seeing them move through experiences and, and gain knowledge and develop. But for me to go and incident talk about to moms with moms about kids stuff, like bottle feeding, napping, car seats, clothing, all the moms stuff is really draining to me. It's not motivational to me, that's just, for me, it's just mom life. That's not doesn't light me up, as you can say, and I have talked to lots of mums about this, that feel the same way. But on the flip side, there are some moms who thrive and love and you can see the excitement when they get to help other moms, by sharing their stories and their ideas and help them through what they're doing.

So those moms aren't interested in what I have to say about personal development, following your dreams going after all the things that you love and want in life. And we're not aligning, and it's draining for each part of us for different reasons, respectfully, it's just we're in different parts of life and want different things for our life. So understanding that that is that drains me is perfectly okay with me at least I understand why even though I like being there, I love seeing other moms light up about what they love talking about. So I had to flip my perception of what I was there for and how I was supposed to be there and show up, if that makes sense. And then vice versa, I had to respect that. They don't, these moms don't want to talk life. Bigger Picture for me right now. They're exactly happy with where they are. And that's okay. I respect that. So you make connections with where you're at, and the people who are at that point of life with you, and you grow with them. So not everybody's for me. And I'm not for everyone, and respectfully, we just move on. And we let go the comparison of they might be really great moms, and they are doing so many more great things in my mind. But it's just actually on how we're perceiving and comparing life. And if we stop comparing, then then we move forward quite quickly. So as a teacher, as a coach, I really love seeing what people light people up and really happy to be able to experience all these conversations and see how women are coming together and coming alive in a new way. And being able to meet myself at where I'm at and where I want to go. It gives me a great understanding of where I'm aligned completely in moving forward and what I'm doing and what doesn't aligned. And then the less I get discouraged in life in these areas, then I can move quickly ahead in ABCD until I hit the next roadblock, which is inevitable in growth. Because we all do that we it's like it is the ebb and flows of you move forward. And then you get comfortable and then you take 10 Sit back and you have to realign and reevaluate and procrastination and what we're talking about today have completely being discouraged. We need to realign, find ourselves, find our clarity and what it is we really want and why we want to move forward. So three things to help you move forward. It's very simple. Just sit down close your eyes and visual visualize your most happy self five years from now. You know, if you are standing in front of you, right now, five years, the five year version of you is looking at you and has a message for you. What are you telling yourself? Or maybe it's not you maybe it's a mentor? Maybe it's a person that you look up to your grandpa, an aunt, a grandma, one of your parents, but it can be yourself. The version of you and five years from now is looking at you and they have a message for you. What is one of the things that they're telling you? Is it to move forward? Is it to start the next week doing A B and C? Only you know the answer that and it takes it doesn't take long ladies it takes A moment to sit with yourself and ask yourself what you really want, and who the version of you in five years wants to be. And then for the next 30 days, not 60 days, 90 days, not yours, what in the next 30 days can you do to make a few steps towards who you see or who you want to become the best version of yourself, the best mom of for your kids, the best spouse, the best co worker, the best business partner, whatever you have going on for you, whatever you want, how do you feel when you see that version of you in five years, because that's the feeling that you want to work towards? And a bit you're going to get some messages, some personal messages for yourself, and you are only going to know what those are. I feel I feel down some times just like you, and I don't know where the next opportunity is going to come from, or the next client is coming from. And we find it hard to pick ourselves up. But how do we keep going? Why do we keep going? Because it's still on our heart. And if it's not, then you need to revamp you need to find out where your soul wants to go or wants to take you or wants to work on? What are the three things you don't want anymore? That's a very quick way to figure out what to do with your dis encouragement. So number one, number one thing that you don't want anymore. Number one, you know it, visualize it say to yourself, you don't want what anymore? Okay, so number two. Number two is the next thing you don't want anymore. What is it? You don't have to tell this to anybody. This is very powerful just to do the work yourself. This is doing the work right in the moment here. And number three, what is it that you don't want anymore, there are three things you don't want anymore. Perfect. We all know those were that's very easy. We're all very, very, very knowledgeable and the things we don't want. So you have your three things, you can write them out, you can say them out loud, that's even more powerful. But if you truly want to start moving forward, you take those three things and flip them. So if you don't want those number one, two or three, what do you want? So number one was, if you don't want that anymore, what do you want? Number two, if you don't want that anymore? What do you want? And number three, if you don't have that anymore, you don't want that anymore? Then what do you have, you have two or three answers of what you do one. Now here is the next step. You look at those three, on how you can move forward to one of those, or two of those or three of those, and the next 30 days. And the futures then giving you a thumbs up. And you are not discouraged anymore, you have a plan, you have clarity. Sometimes you need support. Most oft often we do, like hands down, we actually really do.

And because we're in such a different phase of life, right now we're looking to be empowered, and we're really looking to take some bold steps. And as women and build a bigger community for ourselves and empower each other, we really may need a coach, you really may need a nutritionist, she really may need a course you really may need to figure out your health relationship, your team dynamic, your business plan, figure out your marriage in the way you want to shift it. Maybe additional family supports. Maybe you need to really work on your mental wellness. We don't want to get to a place where we have to pick ourselves from rock bottom. We really want to meet ourselves where we are right now, at this moment and the things we want to move towards. And you're not alone. Nobody's alone. If you think you're alone, just Google just Google the thing that's on your mind. And you will find that there's a communities of these beautiful women looking to grow and help and support each other and all these beautiful ways to move forward because we really do want to ride we want to teach and learn and evolve and learning mentally and with growth mindset. We are open to learn and lean into what we want to and when we lean into what we want to more is available to us. And you will start to take a step forward. And you will start to take another step forward and people who care in different fashion will show up in your life. So I love working with men and women. And I love watching people grow and get excited about the possibilities. move in the direction that they want to over time. And then the discouragement fades away. And opportunities arise and who doesn't love that. But it is a process of identifying where you're at, and where you want to go. And so if you're looking to move forward, and you want to step into something greater into a greater version of yourself or figure some stuff out, or figure out what you want to do when you grow, in a sense, figure out your purpose, figure out your passion, how to move to the next step, send me a message, I'd love to work with you. I would love to help you with your your journeying, and get you moving in the direction that you would love. Because really, this is ultimately about building a community and spreading encouragement and helping women and men to figure out their best life of all the things that they want and dream about, and to be an example for their family and their kids and move in a way that we feel aligned with our soul. Because when we're aligned, were happy things are easy in a sentence, and we feel motivation. So I hope that helps. And let me know your thoughts. Let me know your aha moments. Really think about what you don't want and flip them to what you do want and then create some steps for the next 30 days. To help you move towards the things that are important to you. I'm always here and take care.